My Body, My Choice

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

In recent days here, in light of Alabama’s recent Human Life Protection Act, there seems to be a caustic energy that is sweeping the world.

Celebrities like Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Pink, Reese Witherspoon, Cynthia Nixon, Rihanna, Courteney Cox, Kylie Jenner, Emma Watson, Karlie Kloss, Hilary Duff, Gigi Hadid, Diddy, Ellen Degeneres, Ariana Grande and countless others, have joined in the outrage of our neighbors and former classmates on Facebook, shouting “Men Shouldn’t Be Making Laws About Women’s Bodies.“

They’re doxxing the people who voted in favor of the bill. And Alyssa Milano has even gone so far as to pledge a #SexStrike in protest of the prolife legislature that is “robbing” them of their “bodily autonomy.”

Well tonight, instead of joining the argument about this deeply emotional issue, I instead wanted to offer a different perspective on my own relationship with my body, as someone who has had to live with the results of my choice for the last 11 years now.

If you were to ask me, when I was in the throes of my anorexia, I would have shouted from the rooftops: “MY BODY, MY CHOICE.”

Because that’s exactly how I was living: I was choosing to destroy my body through starvation, obsessive exercise, insomnia, and other destructive manifestations of my eating disorder.

I did not want ANYONE to have any say over the way I was choosing to treat it. I wanted to destroy it as I so pleased, and there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could say or do otherwise about it.

And in fact, as an 18-year old high school senior, no one could. Because I was legally an adult.

And so even though I was clearly a danger to myself, and was wasting away to 78 pounds, my parents, legally could not force me to go to inpatient treatment. Because it was…my body, my choice.

And even though I would have never said, “I want to die,” that’s exactly what my actions — my choices — were not only communicating, but successfully manifesting.

You know what my choice got me?
Osteopenia at 18 years old.
All my hair fell out.
I never got my period, and even to this day, I still have only menstruated thrice.
My circulation, even to this day, sucks.
I suffered from edema for six years, even after recovering.
My relationships took a huge hit.
I had to drop out of college.
And I can still struggle with feeling unworthy of love.

I wish I could just go back in time, and shake that strong willed, hurting, and terrified young girl and say, “Your choices are killing you.”

I would hug her so tightly and not let go.

There’s so much I wish I could tell her. So much perspective that I would share, now — as a whole, healthy, and healed young woman — that I so desperately needed to hear back then.

Because the only way I have been able to embrace recovery, and leave those destructive behaviors behind, was to realize that — my body was not mine to destroy.

Yes, it was my body, but my choice? Not quite. My body is a gift – on loan to me by the Father. And you know what, yeah that might seem a little bit “out there.” But take it from someone who was literally knocking on death’s door — there are certain things you wake up to when you’re teetering on the edge.

When I realized and embraced that I was a child of God, and handmade by the Father, it suddenly became crystal clear that my body was a temple. It was my act of worship. The instrument through which I am to glorify and honor Him who gave me life, and saved it.

It was no longer my choice. It was my responsibility. It was my privilege. It was my beautiful vessel to honor Him with.

I think we can get so lost in our pride, our ego, our autonomy. I know I did. My body was mine to deprive nutrients. It was mine to kill with olympic caliber workouts on no sleep and no fuel. I could berate my mind and spirit with flagellating, critical thoughts, and isolate myself so that no one could tell me otherwise.

But in the end, a life of striving for autonomy led me to the brink of death, literally.

And I’m still paying the price for my choices.

As someone who lived the most radical, and most extreme manifestation of “My Body, My Choice,” I want to just leave you with one final thought.

We all have that fundamental human right over our bodies. That’s absolutely true – and as I found out – up to and including autonomous choices that lead to self-demise. For better or for worse, that is the prerogative of each and every person.

But that human right, is not actually what is coming under “attack” in these prolife legislations. Because that autonomous choice to self-destruct is our fundamental right, UNTIL it threatens the life of another person.

That’s why a person is free to drink alcohol to the point of passing out, and yet — if that same person gets behind the wheel of a car, it’s illegal. Why? Because all of a sudden, that choice threatens the life of another.

Which is exactly the case with abortion. Because those choices now involve another person. And now, it’s no longer a human right, but a civil right.

Sitting here today, I’m just so grateful that my family and loved ones were able to get through to me that my choices were not only killing me, but deeply hurting the ones I love most. And thank God it wasn’t too late.

In my recovery, I’ve vowed not only to never return to that way of life again, but that everyday, I will make the choice, to honor my body, and use it as the instrument of peace and hope God entrusted me with.

And to those saying that Men Shouldn’t Be Making Laws Against Women’s Bodies – I say, you’re right. And further, Women Shouldn’t Be Making Choices to Destroy Their Child’s Body.

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354 thoughts on “My Body, My Choice”

  1. Although we have some fundamental differences in opinion and faith/belief, I applaud your non-confrontational approach to expressing your side. And it is a well written argument.

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    1. Thank you so much Michael 🙂 I appreciate that. I think respectful and open-hearted dialogue is what the country needs now more than ever. Hugs and love xox

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      1. Back at ya! Not sure how the idea that we all need to agree to get along took root, but if we all (gently) push back against it, hopefully we can make a difference 😄

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    1. Thanks so much Dylan!! Amen to that. I appreciate you taking the time to read! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thanks so much Jemimah 🙂 so glad this resonated with you. I appreciate your support. Hugs and love xox

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  4. Excellent take on a serious issue. The body in the womb can not hire a lawyer. The baby in the womb can not voice their opinion. There are no doubt that situations arise in which if the baby in the womb could voice an opinion it may agree that the circumstances merit difficult decisions. I believe that the individual involved is the decision maker. I personally believe that life is eternal, and that the spirit has options to return into another to re-experience the life event. I often pray that I don’t wish to return Jewish in Germany in 1937. I can also see a similar circumstance if one were the one returning as the body in the aforementioned womb of debate. I wonder what my lawyer would say. My daughter also has suffered from the same decisions that you made early on in life and lives today with the results. Nothing is free. Your decisions become your results. The opinions of those looking back over their lives after the events in question were their choices may also bring interesting discussion to the table. Thank you for stirring the pot. Not just for yourself, but for those you are impacting today. Good job.

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    1. Hi Dennis! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and heart on this deeply emotional issue. You’re so right – the baby in the womb cannot hire a lawyer or speak out, so we must. I appreciate you joining the conversation. Hugs and love xox

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  5. Hi. Thanks so much for this post. I am pro-life – always have been, always will be – & I’m constantly incensed by woman saying that it’s their bodies, & so they have the right to end the life of the baby they’re carrying, often because it’s inconvenient for them. I know that sometimes women conceive due to rape through various situations, like abuse, & I have great sympathy for these women. But they’re still carrying another human being within their bodies. It’s heartbreaking to see how little human life is valued, especially the most vulnerable in our society.

    On the other main issue of this post, your struggle with anorexia, I can relate a bit. I struggled with bulimia as a result of having been abused. I was harming myself, although I didn’t see it as such at the time. Most of my struggle with it happened while I was away at college & my parents & brother were unaware until years later of what was really going on with me. No one in my college stepped in to help, but then I hid it well & had isolated myself a lot. So no one actually got close enough to really know me or what was happening.

    Still, I wish that someone had stepped in & showed some concern during the worst of it. Of course since I had placed a wall around myself, it was hard for people to really get close, but some did say later on that they knew something wasn’t right but they didn’t want to be accused of sticking their noses in where they didn’t belong. They regretted that.

    A month before the end of my first year of college, I turned my life around. I rededicated my life to God & real healing began. I still struggled with bulimia a great deal, but God gave me the strength to overcome & He gave me some great friends who really supported me. In turn, I was able to support & to help them, & God used that to help me as well. It’s amazing how helping others can help us.

    Why I mention this is that, while it’s true that we have choices about what we do with our bodies – God have us free will – that’s not an absolute thing. If we’re causing harm to ourselves or others (like purposely aborting a fetus), then that’s wrong. God calls us to support life & to nourish it – not to snuff it out.

    I’d not thought about the whole choice thing as extending to other areas aside from abortion, but it’s true. Thank-you. ❤️

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    1. Thanks so much Michelle for sharing your heart on this issue. I’m so glad this resonated with you. I agree – all life needs to be valued and protected. And I’m so sorry to hear that you had to walk that difficult road. It breaks my heart to hear that you endured abuse. I am so sorry that you were not respected in the way that you deserved. And praise God that you had that turn around with God. Great friends are such a blessing indeed. Thanks again for sharing your story. You have a powerful testimony. Hugs and love xox

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  6. Hi Caralyn,
    My friend just gave birth to a mixed race child because she did not want to have an abortion, she wants to give him up for adoption. He has some medical problems but is cute as button. Would you be willing to adopt him? Why or why not?

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    1. Hi Megan, thank you for sharing this. Your friend is a hero!! I personally am not in a place where I can raise a child – I am single and can barely pay my bills, which is one of the reasons why I am practicing abstinence. However, I know of at least 4 different couples that I could get your friend in touch with who are desperately wanting to adopt a child and have been on the waiting list for over two years. Hugs and love xox

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  7. Great post. Your unique perspective and how you told your story and how it relates to the same thoughts regarding abortion was very well said. A life is a gift from God. The circumstances of how the baby came about seems to be the crux of this tough topic. I’m completely pro-life: anti-war, for taking care of the environment, against capital punishment, helping those in need, for the unborn and the elderly. All are pro-life issues. I do believe in the exception of the woman’s life is in danger of being lost. I look at this issue through my Orthodox Christian lenses, which sees a mother pregnant with a baby, a new life. This baby is a human being with a body and a soul. The soul is created at conception. The body forms throughout the months in the womb. The heartbeat is beating as early as 6 weeks. I got to hear my second son’s (my first pregnancy was ectopic and unfortunately, I had to take shots to cause a miscarriage because it was in my fallopian tube) heartbeat at 6 weeks. I was adamant about the doctor checking then to make sure the baby was in the uterus and not one of my tubes. He was, thank God.

    So I always remember, another body and soul is within you, and you have the responsibility to nurture and take care of it. If you are unable to do so, I do agree adoption is a good alternative, although I know the red tape and struggles going through that process both for the birth mother and the couples that want to adopt.

    The issues of rape and incest are extremely difficult situations that merit compassion and not pedantic or preachy advice from a pro-life position because I can’t imagine how painful and tragic the experiences have been for the women. I only know that with the exception of the mother’s life being lost, I’m for giving the baby the chance to live since they had nothing to do with creating themselves. And that means helping the mother and child after the birth. Again, pro-life is life from womb to tomb. All life matters. And that even includes all of God’s creation — humans, animals, plants, etc. My thoughts.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your heart on this important issue. Life IS a gift from God. So true. And gosh, I’m so sorry that you’ve had to walk that road. My heart goes out to you, friend. Pro life from womb to tomb — I’ve never heard that before but WOW what a powerful phrase that i agree with 100%. Hugs and love xox

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  8. I appreciate you being so honest and standing up for what you believe in! It was nice to hear your perspective, and you were very kind and loving in the way you presented it. Thank you for showing your love to people who stand on the opposing side of the argument. It was just refreshing to read. 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much Christie, I really appreciate your support. This is a tough issue, and I think respectful and healthy dialogue is crucial for society. So glad you stopped by 🙂 sending big big hugs xox

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  9. I really enjoyed this piece! It must have been challenging to write such a bold piece! Thank you for sharing! I’m actually going to publish a post tomorrow that’s a little heated, especially considering the current political climate.

    Thank you for always encouraging me!

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    1. Thanks so much Sarah! Yeah a bit frightening to push publish on this one, but sometimes you’ve just gotta go for it!! Can’t wait to read your piece! Hugs and love xox

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  10. Thankyou for sharing what you went through. I agree with every word. Our bodies are a gift from God and we have a responsibility towards it. And the justification of using my body, my choice to kill an unborn child is beyond comprehension for me.
    Thankyou for sharing your strength through your words.

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    1. Thanks so much friend. Amen to that – a gift and a responsibility. I really appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to read! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thanks you Terese – gosh what a kind thing to say. I really appreciate you taking the time to read it 🥰 have a beautiful weekend xox

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  12. Great job of communicating a point that is being missed in all this rhetoric. The choice is being made at the time of conception. That choice brings responsibility. I admire the way you said this so much!

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    1. Thanks so much Jim I really appreciate your support. Amen – responsibility Indeed! Hugs and love xox

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  13. I was deeply affected by your post and the suffering that you underwent. I’m glad the life-threatening part is over. I’m not sure that the comparison between your struggle is analogous to an anti-abortion stance, so I will not comment.

    Do you believe forcing a woman to give birth to a child should happen:
    1. if the woman is raped?
    2. if the child / girl / woman is a victim of incest?

    If pro-life becomes the law of the land do you ascribe to providing care of the child if the woman is destitute? without family or any means of support?

    Do you believe that since a pregnancy comes from sperm that men’s bodies should be held accountable? Mandatory vasectomies amongst all unmarried males unless they can prove and/or are tested for sterility?

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    1. Hi Kai, thank you for sharing your heart. I’m glad this resonated with you. i think that both the man and the woman, since they underwent the sexual act together, are both responsible for the child. Sadly, since the woman is physically carrying the child, many times she ends up with the responsibility of raising the child. And no, i do not believe in mandatory vasectomies – I don’t know of anyone who would take such a drastic position, honestly. One of the reasons I support prolife crisis pregnancy centers is that they offer support and resources to the woman before, during and AFTER the pregnancy. not only do they help with maternity clothes and neonatal vitamins, and help in the adoption process, but they also help with setting up child care options, will help the mother find a job, get her child support, baby clothes, etc. It is all encompassing, because you’re right – single mothers have a lot on their plate. But i don’t believe that the answer to any of the things you’ve mentioned can be solved by killing the child. hope that answers your questions. thanks for stopping by. hugs xo

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  14. Thank you for this post! Very well said! Your remarks about our bodies being a temple and an act of worship were convicting. Although, I regret to admit that my temple is, shall we say, over insulated. 😦

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    1. Thank you so much Glenn! I’m so glad it resonated with you. Haha still a temple!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Hugs and love xox

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  15. Very nice article! Not only you explained it very soundly in the Biblical sense but also you presented the logical side of protecting the child with a very strong and reasonable argument. This is very profound wisdom. And it is evident that the Holy Spirit is working through you when you wrote this. God bless you more and more.

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    1. Thanks so much David – I appreciate that so much. And wow, I am humbled by such kind words. Big hugs to you xox

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    1. Oh gosh, thank you so much Kylie for your support. it really means a lot!! this was a scary one to push publish on!!! haha hugs xo

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      2. You’re the sweetest 💛 I think you’re so right. And oh gosh thank you!!

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    1. Hi Amanda! Thank you so much for reaching out! sounds like an interesting opportunity! thanks!! hugs xo

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  20. I was deeply moved my this post. Wow! Hmm. God is so great! The sad thing is that they are murdering our Father’s heritage and they will be dreadfully judged for that sin unless they repent and come to Jesus Christ. May we continue to stand for justice & righteousness in Jesus name! Blessings && strength to you! You are beautiful, strong, healthy& made new in Jesus! Glory!

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    1. Hi Tammy,thank you so much – I’m so glad this resonated with you so deeply. I agree – stand for justice in Jesus’ name!! hugs xo

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    1. Oh gosh thank you so much. This is a tough issue for sure. And we need more voices for the babies 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  23. Your post was insightful, honest, and articulate. Your willingness to be vulnerable and share your toughest times is recognized and appreciated. I finished your post feeling like a had learned something, expanded my perspective, and gained in understanding. That is all I can ever ask for from the time I devote to reading anything. Thank you!

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    1. Hi Brad, thank you so much for your support on this. I’m so glad that this resonated with you. Amen to that!! I’m honored!! thanks again for taking the time to read it. big hugs xo

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  24. Great post. While I believe the choice should not be decided by those in government especially men, it is a choice that should be made by the individual. If a woman decides to have an abortion that is something she has to answer to with God. I don’t feel that I should judge because I am far from perfect. Yet I don’t feel abortion should be used as a form of birth control either. Women getting pregnant and having abortions just because they can is never the way to go. But if there are other circumstances I feel they should have a choice and what they choose to do is something they must live with.

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! That’s a great point – I definitely don’t feel I have the right to judge either – that is only God’s place. And that is something that we all will have to answer to one day. There is definitely a lot of gray area surrounding this deeply emotional issue. I just pray for wisdom and guidance for the everyone involved, or who is touched by this issue. big hugs xoxoxo

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  25. I struggle with an intensity over controlling my body with food, exercise, touch, etc. It’s a deep and hard road, and I’m so glad, so glad that you can speak from yourself in all this mess. I was pro-choice in high school, part of my bachelor years, until I was put into a place where I had to face some choices made FOR me, as age-of-minority as I’d been. Know what turned on the lightbulb for me? It wasn’t the idea that God loved me, or that I am precious in His sight. Nor is it that my body is a living temple, an earthen vessel. Self-hatred is awful.

    What struck me is closer to your inspirational graphics in your post. That my life is beyond myself, and with each death crossing my face, that, friend, is how God made clear His grace. Love for others. Thank you for sharing yourself in this space. ❤

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    1. Thank you so much Karina for sharing your story. God has an abundance of grace and love for each of His children. Remembering that helps me through the tough days:) sending so much love and hugs xox

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  26. Dear BeautyBeyondbones
    I am writing this first because I was trying to find a tiny comment box on your blog to write without actually going to an article. But I have failed and now I am using this platform to write to you.
    Yet I did look a little at this article on abortion- I am glad you are pro abortion, its not the most popular stand to take.
    I wanted to say thank you for taking the time of your day, (probably very busy and have allot of other responsibilities to do;) to read my blog articles, and I want you to know that I appreciate that.
    I hope you have a blessed week,
    Your’s Sincerely
    Ninos Hadjirousou

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    1. Hi Ninos, thank you for commenting. I just want to clarify, despite the title, I am actually not pro-abortion. I am staunchly anti-abortion. Just wanted to clear that up. Thank you so much for taking the time to read! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Oh! I am so sorry
        I must have been sleeping while writing. After reading your message this morning;
        I have to say that I am actually anti abortion too! (this is what I meant btw yesterday- slippery keyboard and typo …)

        Thank you for clarifying- that is what I was glad about- you are anti abortion.

        I appreciate your reply 🙂

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      2. Not to worry 🙂 Thanks again for taking the time to read!! big hugs to you xox

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  27. I have a very different view on the topic but appreciate your thoughtful, personal connection to your journey with eating disorders/your body. I think we can all benefit from reading and discussing opposing views in respectful ways — thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and join the conversation. I agree! Open and respectful dialogue is so needed!! I appreciate you! Hugs and love xox

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  29. You are to be commended for sharing this story of your life and your choice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You said it better than many have said it…
    Thanks once again for stopping by my blog post “Innocent”

    This is exactly right: From womb to tomb…that is what life is and it is up to the Father to determine the destiny.

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  30. The whole situation is very sad, and it is women that are pushing it…. this time they cant blame men. Why they cant see that abortion is murder is beyond me. From the moment of conception our spirit enters this world.

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  35. Love your blog and your story sounds incredible! So thankful you have been victorious in the Lord over your battles and you march on! You truly are an inspiration and I love what you wrote! It is another human’s right to live! We all crave life – God made us that way! ❤ God bless you, Sister!

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    1. Hi Christine! Oh gosh thank you so much for your kind words and support. It truly means so much. Amen – God made us that way!! Hugs and love xox

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