Beware the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

You know you’re in trouble when you wake up to this text from your father: “We need to talk about your choices.”

Yeeeeah. That was a fun way to start the day.

I’m only half kidding. I mean, I respect my father more than anything in the entire world, and his guidance and wisdom are invaluable to me.

But yeah, that text scared the crap out of me.

Truthfully though, it was not at all what I expected.

“You’re too trusting of people.”

During that phone call, my father lifted the veil of innocent, idealistic expectations from my eyes. In fact, I believe the term, “Polly Pure Heart” was used.

But he gently reminded me that not everyone is like me, or the people in our family. That I need to let people show me who they are, rather than just assume that they are trustworthy, always-follow-through-on-their-word, honest, upstanding individuals without a hidden agenda.

Especially guys.

And I mean, he’s absolutely right.

Call it my tragic flaw, but I like to believe the best in people. Especially when it comes to guys, I have this sort of “I’m rooting for you” mentality right from the get-go. I want to believe that they have the type of standards that I was raised with.

And yeah, turns out that’s not always the case.

This conversation with my dad was not out of the blue. In fact, it was spurred on by a pretty crappy incident that happened this weekend. Which…I have since learned from.

Long story short, Saturday night, I made the poor decision to stay out at a club alone – after my friends had left – with a guy friend I thought was someone I could trust. Turns out, I was mistaken.

Beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing, that’s all I’ll say.

I mean, look – it’s not as bad as what some of you are probably thinking. I was just put in an uncomfortable situation. All was ultimately fine.

But, none the less, I learned my lesson. Big time.

But my father was absolutely right. I’m way too quick to believe that everyone is a noble, trustworthy person with pure intentions.

Be more aloof. Make them show you their true colors.”

It was not fun hearing these things, because they go against the very core of my nature.

Obviously that conversation stayed with me for the rest of the day. And sitting in Mass that night, it finally clicked.

Through my recovery from anorexia, one of the biggest healing mental shifts for me, has been to banish the perfectionist standards I held for myself for so long. In order to heal, I had to let go of those unrealistic expectations I put on myself, which ultimately led to my demise.

So, just as I have relinquished myself from those unhealthy standards, I need to also do the same for others.

I can’t expect people to be perfect. And taken the way my father meant it — I need to assume that people are not. Because by placing trust in this idealistic view of someone will not only lead to ultimate disappointment, but could also put me in potentially dangerous situations, like Saturday night.

Psalm 146: “Put not your trust in princes.”

I want to just close by saying that, there’s a difference between being too trusting and trust.

Another great pearl of wisdom — from my mother — regards the latter. It was a couple years ago when I really started taking dating seriously, she reminded me that: “At the end of the day, you either trust them, or you don’t.” And that is one hundred percent true. Relationships are built on trust — it is a necessary foundation. Period. And being able to put your trust in that person you’re committed to is how it should be: a no-question.

But trusting someone right off the bat — that’s a horse of a different color.

It’s not being “judgmental” or “harsh” or “mean” to withhold giving someone my trust until they prove they’re worthy. In fact, it is prudent to wait for someone to show me who they really are, instead of just assuming the best.

So dad, thanks for the tough love. I am very blessed to have a father that loves me and cares for me enough to tell me the truth in love when I need to hear it.

And if you need me, I’ll be practicing how to “look aloof.”

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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235 thoughts on “Beware the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

  1. This situation works both ways, I’ve been on the receiving end. I’m glad you are OK Caralyn! Folks need to show me they are trustworthy or I don’t bite. 😎

    1. thanks John — yeah that’s very wise, both ways! that definitely makes me think 🙂 thanks for your kind words. Yeah – note to self — never stray from the pack 🙂 buddy system!! 🙂 glad you stopped by! hugs xox

    1. wise as serpents and gentle as doves — oh WOW I’ve never heard that before but i love it! thanks for sharing!! big hugs to you xox

      1. Oh amazing! Leave it to The Big Guy to really spit some wisdom 😎😎😎

  2. When I read “We need to talk about your life’s choices”, I felt that DEEP in spirit, girl. That sounds just like my dad. I’ve learned since moving from California to South Florida to have my guard up when dealing with people (both men and women alike). I deal with a very different set of people and my discernment level needs to be on HIGH ALERT! I agree! It’s not about being judgmental, mean or harsh, it’s about being SMART. Awesome Job, Dad for loving telling you what’s what. My dad told me the same thing. It’s a jungle out there (especially in the dating department) and you need to be wise and prayed up!

    1. DEEEEPP!! Oh yes, my dad is a wise man and respect is nonnegotiable for him. That’s such great advice: High alert. Love it. Thank you for your kind words! Yes! Sounds like we’re both very blessed to have incredible men for fathers! Hugs and love xox

      1. You’re so welcome! Thank you for your transparency. Yes, I’m also blessed to have a wise father who’s wise on all facets of life. Love and hugs!!! xoxo

  3. I think it’s okay to give the person the benefit of the doubt when you first meet them. In the dating world, it’s less black and white, which makes things trickier to navigate. I’ve never been to a club before but have ended up in some uncomfortable situations. 😐

    1. That’s a really great point Hilary. The benefit of the doubt is good – like I would want someone to do with me 🙂 true true. Thanks so much for stopping by!! Hugs and love xox

      1. That’s why I think you weren’t “wrong” for being too trusting of the guy. 😇 It’s a good trait to have, along with trusting yourself, like your dad suggested. You’re incredibly lucky to have parents who really care about your well-being God bless! 🙏🏻💕

      2. very true! and you’re so right about that, God has been generous, and for that I am very grateful 🙂 hope your week is off to a great start! hugs xox

  4. What an amazing post and reflection on an important conversation with your father! And a fitting topic for the second week of Advent. I am sorry about the situation you got caught in, but knowing that in the end you are okay and more importantly that you learned from the situation is a God send.

    1. thank you so much EJ! You’re right about that – the timing is spot on! Yes – big time lessons for sure. Very grateful for my dad 🙂 i appreciate you stopping by! big hugs xox

    1. Thank you so much Ryan! Yeah, my dad is an excellent advice giver. I respect him so much. Crazy indeed! glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

  5. Wow, Glad @ the end of the night you stayed safe. Glad too that you have a relationship with your dad that can talk about stuff like this.

    1. thank you DM, yeah me too, I am very blessed to have such a great dad 🙂 I’m glad you stopped by! big hugs to you xox

  6. I am on your dad’s side, I have two daughter’s about your age, and quiet honestly, you are very dear to me. However, I am also very trusting, and look for the best of others; not always a good decision. I am so happy that you are fine, praise Jesus!

    1. Oh my gosh, that means so much, thank you Lisa. And yes! that’s so true, we’ve got to fight that natural instinct and be a little more discerning. 🙂 So glad you stopped by! thank your kind words! big hugs xox

    1. thanks so much Jazmin!! i’m so glad this resonated with you tonight 🙂 hope you’re having a great monday! hugs xox

  7. Getting married to a Filipino and living in her country this year, I learned a phrase they use, and I like it, “You have shown me your face.”

    You have shared with your readers, the desire of your heart to be married, perhaps that was your motivation to stay and see what develops with the guy you were with. Most of us, in those shoes, would have also, so don’t feel bad. Praying God will answer your prayer soon. In the mean time, continue to listen to the wise counsel of many, and your earthly father. He, as well as your faithful readers, only wants God’s best for you. Merry Christmas.

    1. You have shown me your face — wow that is so powerful! thank you for sharing that, Mark! Thank you for your prayers. You’re right – listening is the best thing to do! big hugs to you xox

  8. You’re father is a very wise man…protective because you are worth protecting. We must for prudence sake acknowledge the fallen nature of mankind. That’s not to say there are not those who are redeemed, become that new man but the “straight is narrow” for a reason …there’s more of them than us. Lol So, indeed, we must wait until their true nature is revealed.
    I’m so sorry you had this bad experience but I’m also so glad you have such wise and loving parents. XO

    1. Thanks Laura! I would have to agree — a very wise man indeed. Thanks for this encouragement. You’re right – straight is narrow!! big hugs xox

  9. Hi, glad you learned this lesson without too much disaster. Your Dad sounds like mine when I was your age. Listen to him, he knows. Fun post, good luck with all this. It’s too bad you have to change your trusting attitude, but you live in the world.

    1. Thank you so much!! you’re so right – my dad is a gem:) I am so blessed to have him. amen — listening is the best!! thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

  10. Absolutely. I too learned it the hard way. And my dad and Christian friend helped me to realize that. Like you I’m becoming more aware of my father’s wisdom. It’s about boundaries and trusting God.

    1. Thank you so much Tiffany, for sharing your heart. Yeah, sometimes the lessons we learn the hard way are the ones that are most important and God wanted to make sure we got it!! thanks for stopping by! and for your encouragemetn! hugs xo

  11. I’m a scorpio so I’m naturally suspicious of everyone and I trust no one that I don’t know. It might not be a good way to live but it’s worked out so far and I’m almost 40. I’m glad that you’re okay my friend. I’m glad your Dad had that talk with you and he’s right! People have to earn trust and not get it without proving it first! Great post ❤

    1. Thanks for sharing that, Lane! Yeah — my dad is pretty spot on…like he always is! hahaha but for real 🙂 Earn trust — i love that so much! thanks for stopping by and for your kind words! big hugs xox

    1. Thank you so much Alan! You’re right about that – he is spot on, per usu! 🙂 I’m very blessed to have him as a dad 🙂 big hugs xo

  12. Wisdom is invaluable! Sounds like your Dad is trying to share his with you and you are right to be wise to listen! ❤️

    1. It really is! Thanks Cindy – yeah, and he sure does have a lot of it!! Haha 🙂 thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  13. Please stay with your friends when your out. Daughters are so hard, ugh. Please be careful, promise? Most men arent dishonest, but struggle with attraction and how to broach it with people close to them. That’s no excuse for poor behavior, a good man will be honest, even if it brings him temporary embarrassment.

    1. Thank you Karac, yeah that was the biggest take away from this whole debachle. I promise, thank you for your care and concern — seriously, that means a lot. You’re right about that!!! thanks for stopping by and for your kindness 🙂 hugs x

  14. Sounds just like your Mom & Dad! They’re incredible people and parents. A Beautiful girl like you in the big city really can’t be too careful! I’m glad that this story has a happy ending.❤️

    1. Hi Mary!!! Yes! I am so blessed to have them as parents. There’s a lot of wisdom in that relationship! 🙂 haha Thank you, yes a happy ending – I’m grateful for too! Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope you’re having a great night! See you over Christmas!! 🙂 hugs xo

  15. Good post. Your father is a wise man. I learned the hard way with my past experiences. I am the opposite I believe, I have a very hard time trusting people. I usually don’t open up but then again I have a blog so it really is a lot when I share something personal. I feel like people usually hold a facade most of the time.

    1. Thank you so much! You’re right – a wise man indeed. I am very blessed to have him as a dad. yeah, there’s a lot of truth there. We all often wear masks. Glad you stopped by! big hugs xo

  16. What hit me about this, from someone with kids, is I’m not trusting enough to walk away from the grocery cart with my kids in it. Maybe at one time it wasn’t as bad as it is now. But people are crazy and you give them a little and they will push for more. Not saying everyone is bad, but you have to have a guard up. You gotta protect what’s important. Glad you’re ok lady! ❤️

    1. you’re right about that — it’s a jungle out there! having a guard up is just what we’ve gotta do. Thanks for the encouraging pep talk! big hugs to you xox

    1. oh my gosh thank you so much!! that’s so kind of you to say!! 🙂 glad you stopped by! hugs xo

    1. Thanks Tonya, you’re so right — my dad is spot on. I’m really blessed to have that wise man in my life. And yes! We can place our total and complete trust in God!!!! Thanks for stopping by! big hugs to you xox

    1. Thanks Brandon, I appreciate that. Yeah i definitely learned my lesson: STAY WITH THE PACK!!! Glad you stopped by! hope your week is off to a great start! hugs xo

  17. Caralyn,
    Dad is right of course, and you have so much to learn or much to be concerned about with people in general. Trust must be earned and most people today have their agenda or shall I say the focus is on self to a fault. The good old days maybe never existed but I can actually say things have gotten a lot worse with regard to people being trustworthy or dependable over the decades as I see it. Heck you know you want to be concerned about even trusting yourself don’t you? Look at this major story you have derived from your own inner dysfunction that wreaked havoc upon you and still must be kept in check which I’m glad to say you can do with Jesus Christ front and center which you apparently know is the only way to achieve the success you seek in your life on all levels; but not in men, none, they are not Sir Lancelot or Knights in Shining Armor to come and rescue the Lady Guinevere or damsel in distress. Don’t take me wrong I know you want the package and the entire idyllic dream come true fairytale but that is a very tall order in today’s topsy-turvy world so tread ever so carefully in that regard and focus on simplicity to keep you on the right track; is my advice as a man. I don’t know you well enough to say if you’re a bit too naive or starry eyed about people, but reservation and caution are absolutely essential nowadays, I mean come on you know the kind of world we live in these days, so I’m sorry to say the good old days are gone but not forgotten; but nonetheless they are not tangible or in reach now as readily as they once were! Although, miracles can happen and with God all things are possible so hoping for the best through Faith in Him is the best path and regardless of what this life will have in store for you as you follow His will. The obvious goal should always be to be with our Father in heaven for eternity where we will be so totally complete and happiest, and missing out on things here doesn’t mean squat in the big picture when you come right down to it. Look at the people in the world, some born blind or not able to walk or dying every day way before there time it seems! You be cool and keep growing your faith Caralyn, God is with you and that matters more than all else. That should be the mission, wouldn’t you agree!
    Yours in Christ Jesus,
    Lawrence

    1. Thanks Lawrence, yeah – my dad was spot on, per usu! I’m very blessed to have him in my life. I learned a definite lesson that night — STAY WITH THE PACK!! Focus on simplicity — i like that advice, thank you for that! Faith in Him really is the best path. glad you stopped by. hugs xo

      1. You’re welcome Caralyn, just caught my eye big-time! Yea you, OK LOL, I mean this piece is spot-on and you’re darn tooting you are lucky to have him, he is the Man; he is always giving you the best advice to be had bar none; so isn’t that so lovely to have such a good one in your life already for all this free guidance and another rock of the family like your Mom! I’ll let you in on something, when you have a great Dad like you obviously do it will be so very next to impossible to have one that you find in this life that will fill his shoes or ever love you in that absolutely genuine way that your dear Dad does; but you may be blessed to have both someday, just saying; but even by chance you don’t isn’t it a blessing to know that man on earth here your Dad loves you so true! I know about this by my own Dad and I have to say I never did have a woman that I know equaled in love that which my Dad and Mom proved to me with absolute certainty, and they would never ditch me but far too many relationships go south and the what seemed like powerful love one day is no more and actually never was to begin with! I do know that sometimes great love must start small like a spark and grow over time perhaps comparing it to a fine wine with age and with the test of time it proves itself out and just comes naturally that way, not a forced issue that then becomes the issue! I have a hunch you know just what I’m talking about and you aren’t a wet behind the ears dreamer in this department. You’re a smart cookie, so that along with your Dad’s great wisdom and love for you, while you’re putting God front and center is the ticket to the big-show! Then the rest is up to God after all right!
        Yours in Christ Jesus,
        Lawrence
        PS Things are looking fine from where I sit, and looking good!

    1. Thank you so much Angela!!! 🙂 Yeah – he was pretty spot on in his advice! So glad you stopped by! hope you have a wonderful night! hugs xo

  18. I’m so sorry that happened to you, and of course that it went none further. You are so blessed to have a dad who doesn’t hesitate to call you to speak truth and safety into your life. Amen for him.

    1. Thank you so much Scott, yeah me too. And yes! I am so blessed to have such a good dad 💛 he is my rock 🙂 aside, of course, for Jesus!! Glad you stopped by! Big hugs xox

    1. Thank you Deb, you’re so right – i am very blessed to have such a great dad. He’s my hero 🙂 i appreciate you stopping by! hugs xo

  19. I hate that you had to deal with this, but glad you are all right and gained some wisdom and have a dad who cares to guide you. I have some unfortunate experience in this area myself. But, on the flip side, the Lord in time brought me the one my heart could and can trust. They are out there. Be guarded but don’t forget to keep your heart available to the doors He will open. Hugs and prayers!

    1. thank you so much for your support. you’re so right — guarded but with an available heart. thank you for stopping by! hugs xo

  20. If your end goal is someone just like you or your culture well, isn’t there some dudes in your old neighborhood? That, would be the only way to being equal without judgement. Suburban life and especially college create this bubble of tidy and unrealistic expectations. I’m not saying it’s bad, people sometimes take longer to grow. It’s also neat a bunch of parents with the same values chose to live together and create communities. Different from the ghetto where we’re all stuck with each other. It’s just the after. Adulting. When, you are responsible for your life choices.

    I waited a year to kiss my ex wife. We’d write, real letters. So many, they filled books. After we married, I had to wait another year. Military. I don’t know. I definitely don’t feel like the normal American male and the pressures to collect partners like baseball cards. Some, might think it a waste to wait so long. I’ve waited a year when dating someone for a kiss more than I haven’t. Intimacy, has lost its favor for physical intimacy. We as a society agreed that well, go to a bar or other overpriced drinking area and meet someone. Then, there’s a grey area. He didn’t mean it. You wanted something different. Blah blah blah. It’s not how we find love but it’s how we find attention.

    1. thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, and for sharing your story with your ex wife. lots of food for thought. big hugs! xox

      1. I was talking to another business owner about this. I’m a millennial but an older one. I grew up with, old guys. There is a definite shift in perspective in other male millennials. This, immediacy of time invested. Relationships grow they are, organic. Hormones, are usually spoken of with females but men are very much affected by them. You win a game, you’re hyped. A pretty woman says hello and, you’re hyped. 😂 I read, adrenaline is such a sensitive chemical to the body. It’s like, putting a drop of water in a swimming pool. Well. I guess being old has its value. I suppose, it’s just important to know what you’re reaching for when uh, socializing.

      2. I know. I kind of hijacked the subject of your post. 😂 Sorry. 🙃 I’ve been commenting for a few years. Everyone. Anywho, it’s good to discover the tiny bits of discord between the generations and how it affects us personally. In our beliefs. In our search for love. In the mundane of the everyday. I just, get pissed with my generations need for instant gratification especially in relationships. It feels, like a power grab not like, “Oh, you won the lottery? Sure. I’ll go on vacation with you.” 😂😳😊

      3. There was a time. When all the University nurses converged on all the fancy and trendy places. My job, was a taxi guy and I stuffed two car loads of well coiffed and short skirted women into my cab. Just, back story. So. I hung out with the neurosurgery nurses because they were smart and crazy. A guy showed up. Everyone was going to bed and he did something very weird. A woman, I’ve known to be very wild and ahem. Carefree. Went to bed in this huge place and when it was quiet. He let himself into her room. She yelled. He left and that was that. Only, he was drunk. Well, everyone had a few before bed. I being older than everyone decided I should do something. Not like, call the cops. Just, make sure he doesn’t have another opportunity. I walked into her room. She began to yell. I said, gimme a pillow. I slept on the floor the rest of the night. It’s good, I have a few bad discs. I don’t know, if anything would have happened but I felt like she said no. She’s really pretty and kinda wild but, she did say no. I thought she was cool and deserved a little more respect. Maybe, she texted him. Either way, she wasn’t into it and if that’s all he wanted he was free to leave. 😂

      4. Oh my gosh what a scary story. I’m glad you were there to do something about it! Thanks for sharing! Hugs and love xox

  21. Caralyn, thank God for his watchful protection of you. I think we all have had times when we were not thinking and got into situations that could have ended very badly. It is so important to pay attention, to what God is saying to you. It might be a feeling in your gut or just a fleeting moment of a warning nudge. Thank God for your concerned Dad and God’s angels protecting you. Love and hugs!

    1. yes! i’m very grateftul that everything turned out okay. i certainly learned my lesson. Yes! I havebeen very blessed to have such a great dad 🙂 thanks for your kind words. hugs oxox

  22. This is a good lesson! I’m glad you had the chance for a learning experience WITHOUT things becoming truly unsafe. Goodness knows how common the latter is.

    Sort of along the same lines of considering carefully who we ought to trust… I hope this is not too off-topic, but I’ve recently become aware of an awful situation that comes back down to that same question. I advocate for abuse survivors of all kinds, including survivors of sex trafficking; one such situation that is ongoing now involves a mother learning how her husband of 15 years trafficked her children *right under her nose*. It has come down to the question of whom should she trust: her children, or her husband?

    When four young children share the same horrific tale and display undeniably severe symptoms of traumatic abuse, as verified by some of the top psychologists in the country… well. The cops might not believe them. The judge might not care. But their mother listens to them.

    Out of desperation, this woman has run away from home with her four children, living on the lam from the law–which is ordering to return her children to their very credibly accused abuser. They are homeless and penniless, living off the kindness of friends.

    Here is the story–including government authorities people can contact on their behalf, their case file numbers, and a link to the change.org petition on their behalf (please sign, if you feel led to help!): https://millstonesofjustice.wordpress.com/millstones-of-justice/

    1. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. wow that is just so tragic. breaks my heart. thanks for bringing our attention to this

  23. My dear friend Caralyn,

    Your father is a wise man and really cares for you – when we blindly follow we often are disappointed and awake with a bitter aftertaste. He has seen you suffering so many times and his advice is: “Please, daughter take care that you do not fall into unhappiness.” He wants really the best for you. However, it also takes time before we can trust a person and sometimes even a life time is not enough to look into the heart of a person, to know a person. If a person is playing with pride and making a show in front of you – this you can easily feel and finally avoid. Sure, we all have our mistakes and should also avoid prejudices, as we do not know the motives and backgrounds of a person why he or she behaves like that. So first of all it is good not think bad of anyone, not to develope bad thoughts – then we are above of the reactions… In case we have expectations, then this is also not good, often and mostly they lead to disappointment and unhappiness. Do not panic, my friend to force a relationship to enter into your life as all is inthe hands of God. Isn’t it so: When we try to find our love, then this does not really work – but when love finds us – this is a different thing… Allow you to have more patience, my friend.

    All that is good for you
    Hugs and love
    Didi

    1. thank you so much Didi for your support. You’re so right — it is all in the hands of God – that’s so important to remember because it is so TRUE! Patience is key. And amen – i am very grateful to have such a great dad 🙂 big hugs to you xoxo

  24. Wolves always know who the lambs are…including the lamb of God. It’s not a weakness, being a lamb, or a dove! But we do have to be on the watch to be sure we’re not on the menu. With people, for sure the “proof is in the pudding”, and that takes time. They need to earn your trust, bedside you’re worth it and worthy. 👍💜

    1. ooooooooh that is so good Nelson! yeah you’re absolutely right – they know who the lambs are. thanks for this encouragment! big hugs xox

  25. My mum would always say, not everyone is like me that sometimes I have to remove my rose- colored glasses and actually see people as they are.
    It is a blessing to have parents who still look over our shoulders and this post resonates deep.
    blessings💕💕

  26. I am sorry that happened to you and I am glad that you are okay. I can definitely relate. We want to see the best in people and it is sad when they have dark intentions. It is so sweet that your dad is looking out for you and that you can have those sometimes uncomfortable yet important conversations.
    I remind myself that when people show you their true colors, they do us a HUGE favor. I would rather know sooner than later. Love ya girl!

    <3 Alana

    1. thank you so much Alana, for your kind words. Yeah, i have such a sweet dad – i’m very blessed. Oh yes! a huge favor! love that! glad you stopped by! big hugs xo

  27. I’m totally like that too. Always rooting for people. Always want to believe the best. It’s a delicate balance also taking precautions just in case. 🙂

    1. thanks friend – youre right it’s a delicate balance for sure! i appreciate your encouragment! hugs xo

  28. I used to trust people too much too. Getting burned by them taught me what your parents are trying to shield you from. I find less and less people whom I can trust and that makes me sad, because I give people every reason to trust me. It just isn’t as reciprocal as I would like.
    Keep guarded but know God will reveal who you can trust. He will sprinkle those people in your life.

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. You’re right – God will reveal who I can trust. That’s so important to remember! Hugs and love xox

    1. You’re so right about that, Madeline. I have been very blessed. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  29. Some of us are born that way I guess, with a filter of TRUST, so even when there’s tell tail signs of unworthiness of trust, our filter remains. I have learnt over the years and am just getting around discerning intentions.

    1. A filter of trust – I love that. You’re right. And I think I was definitely born like that. Discerning intentions – that’s such wise advice. Thanks for stopping by Joan! Hugs and love xox

  30. Seriously, your dad is an angel. I was the same way until I started reading different dating advice books; The Rules, He’s just Not that into You (painful but eye opening)- Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man came out after I was married and I don’t like Steve’s take on when it is ‘ok’ to have sex but the other info is still good. The best dating info/advice I ever received (also applies to making non-dating friends) “When people tell you who they are… believe them.” If a person wanted to change they would have or they would be in the process of doing so. They would not moan and groan about their faults and play them up for sympathy. Doing so is a childish way of getting attention. “oh poor me. Who will fix me?”. Some guys do this to get a sweet girls to stick with them and ‘help them’. What they are really doing is killing time, wearing a girl down until they get what they want and it’s not your heart they are after. These kinds of men ARE predators. Any man who grooms a person (manipulates them) into getting what they want because they cannot be straight forward (man enough to confront in daylight who they are and what they are after) is a type of predator. These kinds of men have no reason, no motivation to change. Why change something that has worked so well for so long?
    What I’m saying applies to dating in general. Don’t waste your time on these boys who are taking and not giving. Stop dating and start courting. I dare say you might even want to try a professional match maker.
    Go dad!

    1. He really is such an angel. I have been so blessed. Thanks Melissa for this encouragement and for the book recco! I’ll have to check it out!! When ppl tell you who they are believe them – YES!! so much wise insight here. THANK YOU. Hugs and love xox

  31. Glad, discomfort aside, that you are okay. Also glad that your Dad leaned into your life. I taught our daughter, despite my being one of them, that “Men are scum.” I told her to always start with that assumption until they prove otherwise, and even then, be suspicious. One of the most terrifying things about being a parent is to have a daughter… and know what, and how, men think. Again, glad you’re okay.

    1. Thanks so much. Yeah me too. And yes! My dad is such a gem. I am so grateful to have such a great man as a father. I am very blessed. Be suspicious – yes. That’s wise! Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

  32. Wise father! Wise daughter! Listen to your Dad. I find too many young ladies do not understand enough about the “man” perspective and a wise father can give daughters insight.

    On the other side of the issue—women can be more perceptive and discerning than men. I believe this added discernment is a gift God gives women who typically are not as physically as strong as men.

    So as a father who has a daughter, let me encourage you and other young ladies, rely on that discernment. When you sense something is not right—I call it a “catch in my spirit” resist the temptation to logically dismiss the catch but listen and properly respond.

    Another point, don’t worry about the feelings of the wolf, he is out to harm you—do what is necessary to save yourself!

    1. Yes! My dad is my hero. I’m so grateful. Rely on that discernment! That’s such wise advice. Thank you for that! Amen! So many great truths here! Hugs and love xox

  33. Good post Carallyn, There’s nothing wrong with setting high standards, you can still be empathic with high standards. John 2:24 says, “Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people.” Jesus has the highest standards, He never entrusted himself to anyone and still loved everyone Unconditionally. I believe in high expectations relationally, and still being careful about who I trust. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks you so much John!! You’re right – it’s important to hold those high standards but never entrusted myself to someone without discernment! Great reminders! Hugs and love xox

  34. My wife, like you, is beautiful. Many men wanted to date her. I’m no Clark Gable but I won her over by being patient & consistently sweet, writing her love songs/poems and proving to her I could be trusted with her heart. When the right man shows up in your life his true colors will show up but you must make him respect your doubts first.

    1. Oh gosh thank you Rollie. You’re right about that – true colors shine, and when they’re truly beautiful colors, they glisten. Thanks for the wonderful encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  35. Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing. And don’t cast your pearls before….well, perhaps swine is too strong a word. But, in your blog’s terms and your father’s sound advice…don’t invest too much of yourself, emotionally, until you have established that this is a trustworthy person. Just as the Disciples were advised not to waste their energy on those who would never see the Light, why waste your precious feelings on someone who has not shown they are trustworthy (with emphasis on worthy).

    1. Thanks so much Tom. Oh that is a wise wise thought – don’t cast my pearls. That’s such great advice. Thank you for this wonderful encouragement. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  36. “Trust everyone, just don’t trust the devil inside them.”

    I heard that line in a movie long ago and it has stuck with me ever since.

    I’m guessing in this article, you’re talking about sexual predators. As a guy, I guess we’re more seen as the predators rather than the prey. The sad fact is that there are things that happen in the world and you need to be careful; especially when you consider traveling.

    Over here in Dubai, you see such stuff shown as one of the best places in the world. It is.. Many beautiful single ladies come here to live and work, but this is also the world capital of playboys, cads and predators.
    Most discerning ladies would be watchful, but if you are naive, you’re asking for trouble. Which is why I ask any of my friends who are coming to Dubai, to please let me know so that I can be their chauffeur and protect them.

    A couple of stories I can tell you. (Warning, its going to get a bit graphical, but we’re all adults here. If we can talk about abortion, then we can talk about this.)

    One notable story is told of a 19 year old French tourist. Went to a night club in her hotel and met up with a couple of local Emirati gentlemen (I say gentlemen, but I would use some more fruitier words to describe them). They had a good time dancing and they invited her to a party that was happing at one of the guy’s houses. She agreed and went.
    Well the next day, an old man jogging found her in the garbage bin. She was alive, but nude. Medical tests revealed she had been drugged and raped.
    Credit to the Dubai Police that quickly found the villa where the party was held and caught the men. Their story was that she got so drunk she started taking her clothes off and so they threw her out.

    I’m sorry… being a tourist in your land, a guest in your house, if a lady is getting a bit unruly, the gentleman thing to do is to take her back to the hotel you met her, safe and sound and make sure she is taken care of properly. This is what I was thought to do. This is the gentleman’s code.
    You don’t throw a girl into a garbage bin like a used tissue or something.

    Part of the blame is on the girl for being far too trusting of strangers she had just met.

    Story number two happened to a friend of mine. She works as a model and I will be honest, she has posed nude for a popular magazine. However she is one of the most friendliest, modest and classy people you would ever meet in real life.

    She arrived in Dubai on holiday and she had a fun time with her friends going to clubs, etc. She used Uber to get around and befriended an Uber driver who promised to take her around. I was working at the time, I followed her Instagram stories to see how she was getting on.
    Well it seems that during her last day, the Uber driver made a pass at her and tried to kiss her while driving when she leaned over to take a picture with him.
    She admitted that like you, she was a bit too trusting and hence found her in that situation. She demanded to be taken back to her hotel and to be sure he was, she was following the progress on Google Maps.
    At first the guy was apologizing and said he would take her back. The mood in the car was frosty. But a while later he turned to her and asked if she wanted to see his p**** and started to unzip his pants.
    At this point she was disgusted and completely freaked out.

    Here I’m kinda wondering what he was thinking. The lady just declined your earlier advance. What made him think that she would be agree to see his cocktail weenie just 10 mins after?
    I’m actually surprised she decided not to report the incident to Uber. I guess she would rather forget it.

    Later on she relayed the event to me while I was taking her to the airport. It was my first time meeting her other than being just an acquaintance on social media and I felt it was my duty to show her that there are decent men in Dubai; or anywhere in the world for that matter.

    Caralyn, if you or your friend are ever coming to Dubai, give me a shout. I’ll take you guys around and show you the sights. And I will have peace of mind knowing you are safe.
    Your dad is right. There are wolves in sheep’s clothing. You just need to be careful of whom you trust.

    1. That’s such great advice thank you friend. You’re right, especially in New York I’ve got to be careful. Very true. Oh wow that is such a tragic and terrifying story! How awful. I’m so so sorry to hear that. Thank you for the eye opening response. Hugs and love xox

  37. Am I happy to hear that you are listening. Your Father may have been holding his input for quite a while. I have wanted to be more direct but opted to be more subtle. You keep doing what you have been in the past. And, you may want to keep your eyes open, “All is said with Love in my heart.”

    1. Thank you friend. Yeah my dad is incredibly wise. I’m grateful to have such a great man in my life. Thank you for this encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  38. Sister, we are in the midst of wolves. Therefore we must be as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves. (Mt. 10:16). Your father has wisely counseled you. Trust isn’t something given, but earned in time.

    1. You’re right about that. I love that verse. Thank you for the wonderful encouragement. Hugs and love xox

    1. Thanks Jenny Marie! Yes I am very blessed to have such a wise man in my life!! And yes! Trust is crucial! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much Greg! I’m glad you think so! Yesss i learned my lesson! Hugs and love xox

  39. I learned that one myself recently. It’s easy to do isn’t it. Assuming the best in someone only to be let down.

    As far as standards go, I’m not so sure that I’m right for these times. And, I’m sorry that you got hurt.

    In my thoughts and prayers Miss BBB

    1. It really is. Thanks for sharing that. I appreciate your prayers ! Means the world! Hugs and love xox

  40. There is a great quote by Ronald Reagan. “Trust but verify.” You should be cautious, but that does not mean that you should not step out in faith.

    1. Trust but verify. Oh my gosh i love that!! Thanks for sharing that JB. WISDOM RIGHT THERE! Hugs and love xox

      1. Thank YOU oh Gorgeous Beyond Bones for sharing YOUR great wisdom. Hugs and love to YOU.

        P.S. Ronald Reagan had many great quotes. Sadly, I was too young to vote for him, but at least I was able to enjoy his presidency.

  41. This is an eye opener! I guess I’m the same way, I know I trust others way to much and YES I have the scars to prove it, some seen and some hidden beneath my skin. BUT I still try to have faith that there IS GOODNESS in everyone, even though I know that’s not always the case. It’s really a shame that our world has become the way it is, and that we really can’t trust the way we should be able to. The good ones seem to be so far and few between.

    1. thank you so much! you’re right – there is goodness in everyone 🙂 i think it’s great to look for it! hugs xo

  42. Awesome piece. Honest people will always give others the benefit of the doubt..and predatory people, liars, manipulators, see us coming a mile away. They thrive off exploiting this. There is no way my mind can understand “lying to someone’s face and saying I love you” while turning around ten mins later and robbing g their home or money…so we look the other way, believe in the best, and then suddenly our bank account is empty. I have began TRUSTING NO ONE. Better that way. I only TRUST GOD. Because He is the only one we can TRUST. Everyone else WILL LET US DOWN. I don’t care who it is, they will fail us. Somehow , someway, and that’s because we decided to trust a imperfect person….so let us place our trust in someone who CANNOT FAIL US- ALMIGHTY GOD. If we choose to trust people, we fail. Just the way it is.

    1. Thank you so much Ben, i appreciate your encouraging words. You’re right, we can place our total and complete trust in God! hugs xo

  43. People who are wise and pure simultaneously expect others to be their highest self and this is called understanding them to appreciation (to be as Jesus as one presentation). Your natural intuiton is correct with the extra encourgement to be able to understand something else if someone is not being their true self. The true self of someone else is always good, but they are not always in a position to show it depending on the circumstance (the sights and sounds where you are, what they are aware to ….i.e., man over God). Perfection exists and what you do natutally is perfect with room to be added to.

    1. Thank you so much Trudy, for sharing your thoughts on this. lots of great food for thought here. hugs xo

  44. Hey hope you’re doing well.

    Been busy & got to your post a little late. Sounds like great advice from both parents, the caveat to toss into the mix; everyone says “trust” is earned.

    Actually it isn’t. The greek word for faith used in relation to Christ is “pistus”, essentially it means trust or confidence when examined in use with other scriptures.

    So faith is essentially trust, your article reads as if you’re extending a version of that ‘faith/trust’ towards others, in this article, men.

    Faith/trust isn’t earned, its part of human nature. Children trust their parents & siblings, how, naturally. When that basic foundational trust/faith is violated by another then all kinds of things begin to happen, usually at the detriment of both parties involved.

    Adam & Eve had natural faith/trust in their Father/Creator until the na’ash, serpent, Satan stepped into the mix with temptation. Adam & Eves trust/faith was natural until their violation of that trust.

    Jesus said we must come to Him as little children, meaning not specifically as a child but with thay ability to naturally have that trust/faith children exhibit towards parents and others.

    I don’t think your “pistus-faith/trust” in others needs to change, maybe though some of your choices for interacting with these men. Clubs aren’t exactly the most virtuous places to be examining male qualities of virtue. Just a thought, MAYBE all wrong, but if you told him you were a christian while in a club setting, he probably thought if she is willing to compromise this much, lets see how much more she’ll compromise, little more here & there then it ends up being a horrible evening because your spiritual beliefs finally reared up and said no more, which it should have, but being in that situation was your responsibility as well as the idiot who pushed his limits. I praise the Lord you stood in your faith. A little to much liqour for others could have been detrimental to the concept of virtue.

    In ending, trust/faith is natural, don’t think it has to be earned, if someone violates that trust, step aside and let their chips fall where they will, keep your proverbial chips for another. If the violator is someone close, give them time, watch how they interact with others, if they violate others trust as well then steer clear & let sin run its course, witness to them but not much else. If that one violating your trust does good by others, more than once of course, then extend that branch of trust/faith again if the Lord leads you to do it. God allows us to fall & stumble, continuously, He steps back when needed to allow the chips to fall & for sin to run its course. Then as a loving parent He extends His love & hand back towards us again, we as children either reach for Him or push Him away.

    So remain “Polly pure heart”, never lose that natural trust/faith/hope in Christ or others. When you lose that aspect of spirituality you’ve become what Jesus referenced to the Pharisees, “Tombs full of dead mens bones” …outwardly adorned but inwardly dead & cold.

    But choices young lady, choices. Then when & where & how is all your’s to decide. So chose wisely.

    God Bless.

    1. Lots of interesting food for thought here! thank you so much for sharing that. you’re right – i think children’s faith and trust is a perfect example. Very true – gotta choose wisely. thanks for stoppin gby! hugs xo

  45. Number ONE – I’m just glad nothing really bad happened! I’ve always had this small, nagging concern about you bouncing around Manhattan; nice young lady? Yes. Intimidating bruiser? No. Having lived three years in downtown Detroit…

    I saw someone referenced Matthew 10:16: “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore, be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” It reminds me of an article I wrote for 3/4/16, Zombie Land. It’s a term many Navy SEALS use for enemy territory. That’s earth for us. We’re living in enemy territory held by Satan. We are Christian agents trying to connect with other Christian agents as well as trying to “flip” enemy agents. We’re in a spiritual war zone and need to conduct ourselves accordingly.

    You may have heard of Sun Tzu, an ancient Chinese warrior. He wrote The Art of War, which is in print today 2500 years after he lived. Even some businessmen study it. His message is that wars/conflicts are won by the mind, not the sword. Never tip your hand to the enemy.

    You know me…fairly decent guy. Not too much of a jerk. I always treat people nicely, but I always keep evaluating behind the smile until I’m POSITIVE I have a handle on someone. Always keep the mental guard up.

    Don’t lose your smile and sweetness. Not at all. You don’t have too. But, just as people in Nazi Germany or communist China, you’re in Zombie Land. You can never be too sure about other people until they prove themselves to you. Always have an alternate “escape route” physically and emotionally. That’s why you’ll never see me sit with my back to a door or a large open area, if I can help it. Recall when we ate at Taziki’s. Most of the store was in front of me and very little behind me. I kept my field of vision and had your back. I’m nice, but careful. Always. When you decided to stay in a bar alone without backup, you left your back to the door, so to speak. Always a bad idea.

    I’m sure all this is the thrust of your dad’s talk. Maybe hearing it from someone else will help you define the idea in your own mind. I pray you have no more close calls!! With love and hugs…

    1. Hi Jeff! Always keep that mental guard up – that’s so smart. I’ll have to check out The Art of War = I’ve definitely heard baout it but don’t know much more than the title! And yes — you’re right – an escape route is so smart. Ah, Taziki’s 🙂 So much great advice here, Jeff. Thank you for your care and concern 🙂 I want you to know, that my dad has my location on my phone, so thankfully, I always have that in my back pocket 🙂 grateful for you, Jeff!! hope youre having a great day! hugs xox

      1. I’m glad that your dad has your phone tagged, but he’s a long ways away. That’s for AFTER something bad happens. Start practicing an awareness for what’s behind you vs. what’s in front. Where’s the door? The other door? Always have a “wing man” with you in vulnerable places…like bars or sketchy neighborhoods. Well, enough soapbox. You can find a video or two about Sun Tsu on YouTube. Easier than reading him! On vacation this week, so every day is a good day! Hugs! Blessings to you!

      2. Yes! Makes us both feel better!! And that’s really great advice. Yes! Buddy system! Hugs x

  46. Don’t go to bars or clubs. You won’t find a godly man hanging out at those places. If that is what you’re looking for, be discerning in the places you shouldn’t go and furthermore place yourself in vulnerable situations. I wish you the best.

    1. That’s great advice, thank you April. Gotta go where they hang out! I must say, I do like Latin dance clubs though! Hahaha but with my friends 🙂

    2. April, you are absolutely spot on and you’re thinking doesn’t scare me or leave room for potential disaster which is wise; other ladies not so much! Bars harbor many problems or people that are trouble and it’s been said one shouldn’t go looking for trouble because it will find you easy enough without you helping it! Godly men and women both know what you said is true; so those that don’t, need a wakeup call, and wasn’t this just that?

  47. Let me add the word “time” to your father’s wise caution. Trust is something built in a relationship over time in a safe environment. It’s probable that clubs, discos and other places frequented by men or women “on a mission” are not a safe environment in today’s world.

    1. thanks Ian! you’re right about that — trust is built. yes! so true! glad you stopped by 🙂 hugs xo

  48. You have a wonderful dad for him to speak truth into your life that way. What a blessing! I am sure it was hard to hear at the time. My dad passed away many years ago now but I am so thankful for his words of wisdom. It sounds like they both love their daughters very much. Great blog!

    1. Oh gosh I’m so sorry to hear that. Im sending you a huge hug. I’m glad you also know the love of a strong father. A true blessing indeed. Hugs and love xox

  49. Somewhere, when I was a kid, I read a book. The hero said something like, “Trust when can, but keep, your powder dry!” I think it was a pirate book.

    Gotta trust some time, otherwise nothing good will ever happen, but always have a way out!

    That is one smart dad and he has an amazing kid!

    1. Thanks for sharing that. Always have a way out – that’s such great advice!! Big hugs to you xox

  50. I’m sorry you had to learn this lesson, Caralyn, but glad you have now. It’s a tough lesson and one you have to keep practicing through years to come. For those of us who trusting on sight is in our nature, we often have to relearn this lesson over and over. My son-in-law lovingly tells me that I need protection from myself, for just this reason. Ha! Somewhere I know there is a fine balance between trusting and protecting. I think it’s found in prayerful discernment. I know you have that discernment, so I pray that you take advantage of it even more now 🙂 Much love to you <3

    1. Thank you so much Mindy for your kind words – you’re right – there’s a fine balance indeed. Prayerful discernment. Wise. Very wise. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! Big hugs to you xox

  51. Wise advice from your folks. I used to trust everyone right away. Life has taught me to walk into situations with an open heart, but a discerning mind. I watch carefully and quietly. People will show you exactly who they are with time.

    1. Thanks so much Chrissie! Yes they are wise indeed. Thanks for sharing that – a discerning mind. Love that. Hugs and love xox

  52. We can do better. More avenues for exposure, it grows to add the necessary correction for cause and effect for men to ask generations, why. Be vigilant of our hearts and those we care for.

    1. Your right about that Brian! Thanks for your encouragement. Vigilant indeed! Hugs and love xox

      1. Your welcome and yes I am, and my day was alright thanks, and hope you had a good one yourself, much love and peace my lovely friend!!

  53. You dad is a good man. As the father of two daughters your age who have their own “trust the nice guy” stories that didn’t end with things being all fine, just want to give a witness and speak a blessing over your dad’s wisdom and your epiphany. Glad you’re okay. Bless you.

    1. Thank you friend, you’re right about that. i am very blessed to have such wonderful parents. God is good! i appreciate oyu stopping by! big hugs xox

  54. Men – what pigs🥴. Oh wait, I’m one of them. Sorry that happened and wish I could defend the male gender but I can’t. Glad you ended up fine in the end. Merry Christmas

    1. lol – you’re funny! but in all seriousness, thank you! yeah, me too! SOmeone was watching over me that night. i appreciate your support. Merry Christmas friend! hugs xo

    1. Thanks Michael, yes I’d have to agree! He’s one smart cookie! Haha glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  55. How many times in naivete or headstrong pursuit does God rescue us? His manifold grace protects us when we see it and when we don’t. He is a good Father by protecting you and by giving you a good father and teaching you wisdom and on and on. Happy New Year, Sister.

    1. You’re so right about that!! He is the most patient rescuer 🙂 Happy New Year! 🎉 Hugs and love xox

  56. Great post! I tend to NOT trust people. Too many painful betrayals by people very close to me. So I hold back and wait for them to prove I can trust them. I have a handful of true friends and I cling to these. Poor things. LOL. God is good!

    1. Thanks Angie for sharing that 🙂 yeah trust is definitely something every person has different relationship with! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  57. God has gifted you some amazing parents, and only a dad could say “Polly Pure Heart”” and make it sting like a four letter fowl word hahaha. One of my favorite quotes is by the late great Maya Angelou, ” When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Your mom also nailed it when she said, you trust them or you don’t. This is so true there are no grey areas in trust…

    1. Aw thank you so much 🙂 you’re right – I am very blessed to have them as parents!! Hugs and love xox

  58. I absolutely can relate. I am the type of person that will see what people are showing me about themselves and paint it with glitter. I would go against my feelings and just believe people would change . I am still learning , but through so many painful experiences I am putting the whole , “test the spirits,” into practice .

  59. Thank you for this honest article. I am wired like you and I can be too trusting. It is imperative for us to be honest and also mindful of how we spend our time and who we trust. Everyone does not deserve our time. Thank you for being transparent .

    1. You’re on a reading roll my friend!! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. You’re right – our time and our hearts are precious! Hugs and love xox

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