Beware the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

You know you’re in trouble when you wake up to this text from your father: “We need to talk about your choices.”

Yeeeeah. That was a fun way to start the day.

I’m only half kidding. I mean, I respect my father more than anything in the entire world, and his guidance and wisdom are invaluable to me.

But yeah, that text scared the crap out of me.

Truthfully though, it was not at all what I expected.

“You’re too trusting of people.”

During that phone call, my father lifted the veil of innocent, idealistic expectations from my eyes. In fact, I believe the term, “Polly Pure Heart” was used.

But he gently reminded me that not everyone is like me, or the people in our family. That I need to let people show me who they are, rather than just assume that they are trustworthy, always-follow-through-on-their-word, honest, upstanding individuals without a hidden agenda.

Especially guys.

And I mean, he’s absolutely right.

Call it my tragic flaw, but I like to believe the best in people. Especially when it comes to guys, I have this sort of “I’m rooting for you” mentality right from the get-go. I want to believe that they have the type of standards that I was raised with.

And yeah, turns out that’s not always the case.

This conversation with my dad was not out of the blue. In fact, it was spurred on by a pretty crappy incident that happened this weekend. Which…I have since learned from.

Long story short, Saturday night, I made the poor decision to stay out at a club alone – after my friends had left – with a guy friend I thought was someone I could trust. Turns out, I was mistaken.

Beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing, that’s all I’ll say.

I mean, look – it’s not as bad as what some of you are probably thinking. I was just put in an uncomfortable situation. All was ultimately fine.

But, none the less, I learned my lesson. Big time.

But my father was absolutely right. I’m way too quick to believe that everyone is a noble, trustworthy person with pure intentions.

“Be more aloof. Make them show you their true colors.”

It was not fun hearing these things, because they go against the very core of my nature.

Obviously that conversation stayed with me for the rest of the day. And sitting in Mass that night, it finally clicked.

Through my recovery from anorexia, one of the biggest healing mental shifts for me, has been to banish the perfectionist standards I held for myself for so long. In order to heal, I had to let go of those unrealistic expectations I put on myself, which ultimately led to my demise.

So, just as I have relinquished myself from those unhealthy standards, I need to also do the same for others.

I can’t expect people to be perfect. And taken the way my father meant it — I need to assume that people are not. Because by placing trust in this idealistic view of someone will not only lead to ultimate disappointment, but could also put me in potentially dangerous situations, like Saturday night.

Psalm 146: “Put not your trust in princes.”

I want to just close by saying that, there’s a difference between being too trusting and trust.

Another great pearl of wisdom — from my mother — regards the latter. It was a couple years ago when I really started taking dating seriously, she reminded me that: “At the end of the day, you either trust them, or you don’t.” And that is one hundred percent true. Relationships are built on trust — it is a necessary foundation. Period. And being able to put your trust in that person you’re committed to is how it should be: a no-question.

But trusting someone right off the bat — that’s a horse of a different color.

It’s not being “judgmental” or “harsh” or “mean” to withhold giving someone my trust until they prove they’re worthy. In fact, it is prudent to wait for someone to show me who they really are, instead of just assuming the best.

So dad, thanks for the tough love. I am very blessed to have a father that loves me and cares for me enough to tell me the truth in love when I need to hear it.

And if you need me, I’ll be practicing how to “look aloof.”

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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235 thoughts on “Beware the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing”

  1. Wise father! Wise daughter! Listen to your Dad. I find too many young ladies do not understand enough about the “man” perspective and a wise father can give daughters insight.

    On the other side of the issue—women can be more perceptive and discerning than men. I believe this added discernment is a gift God gives women who typically are not as physically as strong as men.

    So as a father who has a daughter, let me encourage you and other young ladies, rely on that discernment. When you sense something is not right—I call it a “catch in my spirit” resist the temptation to logically dismiss the catch but listen and properly respond.

    Another point, don’t worry about the feelings of the wolf, he is out to harm you—do what is necessary to save yourself!

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    1. Yes! My dad is my hero. I’m so grateful. Rely on that discernment! That’s such wise advice. Thank you for that! Amen! So many great truths here! Hugs and love xox

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  2. Good post Carallyn, There’s nothing wrong with setting high standards, you can still be empathic with high standards. John 2:24 says, “Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people.” Jesus has the highest standards, He never entrusted himself to anyone and still loved everyone Unconditionally. I believe in high expectations relationally, and still being careful about who I trust. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks you so much John!! You’re right – it’s important to hold those high standards but never entrusted myself to someone without discernment! Great reminders! Hugs and love xox

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  3. My wife, like you, is beautiful. Many men wanted to date her. I’m no Clark Gable but I won her over by being patient & consistently sweet, writing her love songs/poems and proving to her I could be trusted with her heart. When the right man shows up in your life his true colors will show up but you must make him respect your doubts first.

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    1. Oh gosh thank you Rollie. You’re right about that – true colors shine, and when they’re truly beautiful colors, they glisten. Thanks for the wonderful encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  4. Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing. And don’t cast your pearls before….well, perhaps swine is too strong a word. But, in your blog’s terms and your father’s sound advice…don’t invest too much of yourself, emotionally, until you have established that this is a trustworthy person. Just as the Disciples were advised not to waste their energy on those who would never see the Light, why waste your precious feelings on someone who has not shown they are trustworthy (with emphasis on worthy).

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    1. Thanks so much Tom. Oh that is a wise wise thought – don’t cast my pearls. That’s such great advice. Thank you for this wonderful encouragement. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  5. “Trust everyone, just don’t trust the devil inside them.”

    I heard that line in a movie long ago and it has stuck with me ever since.

    I’m guessing in this article, you’re talking about sexual predators. As a guy, I guess we’re more seen as the predators rather than the prey. The sad fact is that there are things that happen in the world and you need to be careful; especially when you consider traveling.

    Over here in Dubai, you see such stuff shown as one of the best places in the world. It is.. Many beautiful single ladies come here to live and work, but this is also the world capital of playboys, cads and predators.
    Most discerning ladies would be watchful, but if you are naive, you’re asking for trouble. Which is why I ask any of my friends who are coming to Dubai, to please let me know so that I can be their chauffeur and protect them.

    A couple of stories I can tell you. (Warning, its going to get a bit graphical, but we’re all adults here. If we can talk about abortion, then we can talk about this.)

    One notable story is told of a 19 year old French tourist. Went to a night club in her hotel and met up with a couple of local Emirati gentlemen (I say gentlemen, but I would use some more fruitier words to describe them). They had a good time dancing and they invited her to a party that was happing at one of the guy’s houses. She agreed and went.
    Well the next day, an old man jogging found her in the garbage bin. She was alive, but nude. Medical tests revealed she had been drugged and raped.
    Credit to the Dubai Police that quickly found the villa where the party was held and caught the men. Their story was that she got so drunk she started taking her clothes off and so they threw her out.

    I’m sorry… being a tourist in your land, a guest in your house, if a lady is getting a bit unruly, the gentleman thing to do is to take her back to the hotel you met her, safe and sound and make sure she is taken care of properly. This is what I was thought to do. This is the gentleman’s code.
    You don’t throw a girl into a garbage bin like a used tissue or something.

    Part of the blame is on the girl for being far too trusting of strangers she had just met.

    Story number two happened to a friend of mine. She works as a model and I will be honest, she has posed nude for a popular magazine. However she is one of the most friendliest, modest and classy people you would ever meet in real life.

    She arrived in Dubai on holiday and she had a fun time with her friends going to clubs, etc. She used Uber to get around and befriended an Uber driver who promised to take her around. I was working at the time, I followed her Instagram stories to see how she was getting on.
    Well it seems that during her last day, the Uber driver made a pass at her and tried to kiss her while driving when she leaned over to take a picture with him.
    She admitted that like you, she was a bit too trusting and hence found her in that situation. She demanded to be taken back to her hotel and to be sure he was, she was following the progress on Google Maps.
    At first the guy was apologizing and said he would take her back. The mood in the car was frosty. But a while later he turned to her and asked if she wanted to see his p**** and started to unzip his pants.
    At this point she was disgusted and completely freaked out.

    Here I’m kinda wondering what he was thinking. The lady just declined your earlier advance. What made him think that she would be agree to see his cocktail weenie just 10 mins after?
    I’m actually surprised she decided not to report the incident to Uber. I guess she would rather forget it.

    Later on she relayed the event to me while I was taking her to the airport. It was my first time meeting her other than being just an acquaintance on social media and I felt it was my duty to show her that there are decent men in Dubai; or anywhere in the world for that matter.

    Caralyn, if you or your friend are ever coming to Dubai, give me a shout. I’ll take you guys around and show you the sights. And I will have peace of mind knowing you are safe.
    Your dad is right. There are wolves in sheep’s clothing. You just need to be careful of whom you trust.

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    1. That’s such great advice thank you friend. You’re right, especially in New York I’ve got to be careful. Very true. Oh wow that is such a tragic and terrifying story! How awful. I’m so so sorry to hear that. Thank you for the eye opening response. Hugs and love xox

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  6. Am I happy to hear that you are listening. Your Father may have been holding his input for quite a while. I have wanted to be more direct but opted to be more subtle. You keep doing what you have been in the past. And, you may want to keep your eyes open, “All is said with Love in my heart.”

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    1. Thank you friend. Yeah my dad is incredibly wise. I’m grateful to have such a great man in my life. Thank you for this encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  8. Sister, we are in the midst of wolves. Therefore we must be as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves. (Mt. 10:16). Your father has wisely counseled you. Trust isn’t something given, but earned in time.

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    1. Thanks Jenny Marie! Yes I am very blessed to have such a wise man in my life!! And yes! Trust is crucial! Hugs and love xox

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  12. I learned that one myself recently. It’s easy to do isn’t it. Assuming the best in someone only to be let down.

    As far as standards go, I’m not so sure that I’m right for these times. And, I’m sorry that you got hurt.

    In my thoughts and prayers Miss BBB

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      1. Thank YOU oh Gorgeous Beyond Bones for sharing YOUR great wisdom. Hugs and love to YOU.

        P.S. Ronald Reagan had many great quotes. Sadly, I was too young to vote for him, but at least I was able to enjoy his presidency.

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  14. This is an eye opener! I guess I’m the same way, I know I trust others way to much and YES I have the scars to prove it, some seen and some hidden beneath my skin. BUT I still try to have faith that there IS GOODNESS in everyone, even though I know that’s not always the case. It’s really a shame that our world has become the way it is, and that we really can’t trust the way we should be able to. The good ones seem to be so far and few between.

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    1. thank you so much! you’re right – there is goodness in everyone 🙂 i think it’s great to look for it! hugs xo

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  15. Awesome piece. Honest people will always give others the benefit of the doubt..and predatory people, liars, manipulators, see us coming a mile away. They thrive off exploiting this. There is no way my mind can understand “lying to someone’s face and saying I love you” while turning around ten mins later and robbing g their home or money…so we look the other way, believe in the best, and then suddenly our bank account is empty. I have began TRUSTING NO ONE. Better that way. I only TRUST GOD. Because He is the only one we can TRUST. Everyone else WILL LET US DOWN. I don’t care who it is, they will fail us. Somehow , someway, and that’s because we decided to trust a imperfect person….so let us place our trust in someone who CANNOT FAIL US- ALMIGHTY GOD. If we choose to trust people, we fail. Just the way it is.

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    1. Thank you so much Ben, i appreciate your encouraging words. You’re right, we can place our total and complete trust in God! hugs xo

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  16. People who are wise and pure simultaneously expect others to be their highest self and this is called understanding them to appreciation (to be as Jesus as one presentation). Your natural intuiton is correct with the extra encourgement to be able to understand something else if someone is not being their true self. The true self of someone else is always good, but they are not always in a position to show it depending on the circumstance (the sights and sounds where you are, what they are aware to ….i.e., man over God). Perfection exists and what you do natutally is perfect with room to be added to.

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  18. Hey hope you’re doing well.

    Been busy & got to your post a little late. Sounds like great advice from both parents, the caveat to toss into the mix; everyone says “trust” is earned.

    Actually it isn’t. The greek word for faith used in relation to Christ is “pistus”, essentially it means trust or confidence when examined in use with other scriptures.

    So faith is essentially trust, your article reads as if you’re extending a version of that ‘faith/trust’ towards others, in this article, men.

    Faith/trust isn’t earned, its part of human nature. Children trust their parents & siblings, how, naturally. When that basic foundational trust/faith is violated by another then all kinds of things begin to happen, usually at the detriment of both parties involved.

    Adam & Eve had natural faith/trust in their Father/Creator until the na’ash, serpent, Satan stepped into the mix with temptation. Adam & Eves trust/faith was natural until their violation of that trust.

    Jesus said we must come to Him as little children, meaning not specifically as a child but with thay ability to naturally have that trust/faith children exhibit towards parents and others.

    I don’t think your “pistus-faith/trust” in others needs to change, maybe though some of your choices for interacting with these men. Clubs aren’t exactly the most virtuous places to be examining male qualities of virtue. Just a thought, MAYBE all wrong, but if you told him you were a christian while in a club setting, he probably thought if she is willing to compromise this much, lets see how much more she’ll compromise, little more here & there then it ends up being a horrible evening because your spiritual beliefs finally reared up and said no more, which it should have, but being in that situation was your responsibility as well as the idiot who pushed his limits. I praise the Lord you stood in your faith. A little to much liqour for others could have been detrimental to the concept of virtue.

    In ending, trust/faith is natural, don’t think it has to be earned, if someone violates that trust, step aside and let their chips fall where they will, keep your proverbial chips for another. If the violator is someone close, give them time, watch how they interact with others, if they violate others trust as well then steer clear & let sin run its course, witness to them but not much else. If that one violating your trust does good by others, more than once of course, then extend that branch of trust/faith again if the Lord leads you to do it. God allows us to fall & stumble, continuously, He steps back when needed to allow the chips to fall & for sin to run its course. Then as a loving parent He extends His love & hand back towards us again, we as children either reach for Him or push Him away.

    So remain “Polly pure heart”, never lose that natural trust/faith/hope in Christ or others. When you lose that aspect of spirituality you’ve become what Jesus referenced to the Pharisees, “Tombs full of dead mens bones” …outwardly adorned but inwardly dead & cold.

    But choices young lady, choices. Then when & where & how is all your’s to decide. So chose wisely.

    God Bless.

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    1. Lots of interesting food for thought here! thank you so much for sharing that. you’re right – i think children’s faith and trust is a perfect example. Very true – gotta choose wisely. thanks for stoppin gby! hugs xo

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  19. Number ONE – I’m just glad nothing really bad happened! I’ve always had this small, nagging concern about you bouncing around Manhattan; nice young lady? Yes. Intimidating bruiser? No. Having lived three years in downtown Detroit…

    I saw someone referenced Matthew 10:16: “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore, be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” It reminds me of an article I wrote for 3/4/16, Zombie Land. It’s a term many Navy SEALS use for enemy territory. That’s earth for us. We’re living in enemy territory held by Satan. We are Christian agents trying to connect with other Christian agents as well as trying to “flip” enemy agents. We’re in a spiritual war zone and need to conduct ourselves accordingly.

    You may have heard of Sun Tzu, an ancient Chinese warrior. He wrote The Art of War, which is in print today 2500 years after he lived. Even some businessmen study it. His message is that wars/conflicts are won by the mind, not the sword. Never tip your hand to the enemy.

    You know me…fairly decent guy. Not too much of a jerk. I always treat people nicely, but I always keep evaluating behind the smile until I’m POSITIVE I have a handle on someone. Always keep the mental guard up.

    Don’t lose your smile and sweetness. Not at all. You don’t have too. But, just as people in Nazi Germany or communist China, you’re in Zombie Land. You can never be too sure about other people until they prove themselves to you. Always have an alternate “escape route” physically and emotionally. That’s why you’ll never see me sit with my back to a door or a large open area, if I can help it. Recall when we ate at Taziki’s. Most of the store was in front of me and very little behind me. I kept my field of vision and had your back. I’m nice, but careful. Always. When you decided to stay in a bar alone without backup, you left your back to the door, so to speak. Always a bad idea.

    I’m sure all this is the thrust of your dad’s talk. Maybe hearing it from someone else will help you define the idea in your own mind. I pray you have no more close calls!! With love and hugs…

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    1. Hi Jeff! Always keep that mental guard up – that’s so smart. I’ll have to check out The Art of War = I’ve definitely heard baout it but don’t know much more than the title! And yes — you’re right – an escape route is so smart. Ah, Taziki’s 🙂 So much great advice here, Jeff. Thank you for your care and concern 🙂 I want you to know, that my dad has my location on my phone, so thankfully, I always have that in my back pocket 🙂 grateful for you, Jeff!! hope youre having a great day! hugs xox

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      1. I’m glad that your dad has your phone tagged, but he’s a long ways away. That’s for AFTER something bad happens. Start practicing an awareness for what’s behind you vs. what’s in front. Where’s the door? The other door? Always have a “wing man” with you in vulnerable places…like bars or sketchy neighborhoods. Well, enough soapbox. You can find a video or two about Sun Tsu on YouTube. Easier than reading him! On vacation this week, so every day is a good day! Hugs! Blessings to you!

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  20. Don’t go to bars or clubs. You won’t find a godly man hanging out at those places. If that is what you’re looking for, be discerning in the places you shouldn’t go and furthermore place yourself in vulnerable situations. I wish you the best.

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    1. That’s great advice, thank you April. Gotta go where they hang out! I must say, I do like Latin dance clubs though! Hahaha but with my friends 🙂

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    2. April, you are absolutely spot on and you’re thinking doesn’t scare me or leave room for potential disaster which is wise; other ladies not so much! Bars harbor many problems or people that are trouble and it’s been said one shouldn’t go looking for trouble because it will find you easy enough without you helping it! Godly men and women both know what you said is true; so those that don’t, need a wakeup call, and wasn’t this just that?

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  21. Let me add the word “time” to your father’s wise caution. Trust is something built in a relationship over time in a safe environment. It’s probable that clubs, discos and other places frequented by men or women “on a mission” are not a safe environment in today’s world.

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  22. You have a wonderful dad for him to speak truth into your life that way. What a blessing! I am sure it was hard to hear at the time. My dad passed away many years ago now but I am so thankful for his words of wisdom. It sounds like they both love their daughters very much. Great blog!

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    1. Oh gosh I’m so sorry to hear that. Im sending you a huge hug. I’m glad you also know the love of a strong father. A true blessing indeed. Hugs and love xox

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  23. Somewhere, when I was a kid, I read a book. The hero said something like, “Trust when can, but keep, your powder dry!” I think it was a pirate book.

    Gotta trust some time, otherwise nothing good will ever happen, but always have a way out!

    That is one smart dad and he has an amazing kid!

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  24. I’m sorry you had to learn this lesson, Caralyn, but glad you have now. It’s a tough lesson and one you have to keep practicing through years to come. For those of us who trusting on sight is in our nature, we often have to relearn this lesson over and over. My son-in-law lovingly tells me that I need protection from myself, for just this reason. Ha! Somewhere I know there is a fine balance between trusting and protecting. I think it’s found in prayerful discernment. I know you have that discernment, so I pray that you take advantage of it even more now 🙂 Much love to you ❤

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    1. Thank you so much Mindy for your kind words – you’re right – there’s a fine balance indeed. Prayerful discernment. Wise. Very wise. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! Big hugs to you xox

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  27. Wise advice from your folks. I used to trust everyone right away. Life has taught me to walk into situations with an open heart, but a discerning mind. I watch carefully and quietly. People will show you exactly who they are with time.

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    1. Thanks so much Chrissie! Yes they are wise indeed. Thanks for sharing that – a discerning mind. Love that. Hugs and love xox

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  28. We can do better. More avenues for exposure, it grows to add the necessary correction for cause and effect for men to ask generations, why. Be vigilant of our hearts and those we care for.

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  31. You dad is a good man. As the father of two daughters your age who have their own “trust the nice guy” stories that didn’t end with things being all fine, just want to give a witness and speak a blessing over your dad’s wisdom and your epiphany. Glad you’re okay. Bless you.

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    1. Thank you friend, you’re right about that. i am very blessed to have such wonderful parents. God is good! i appreciate oyu stopping by! big hugs xox

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  33. Men – what pigs🥴. Oh wait, I’m one of them. Sorry that happened and wish I could defend the male gender but I can’t. Glad you ended up fine in the end. Merry Christmas

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    1. lol – you’re funny! but in all seriousness, thank you! yeah, me too! SOmeone was watching over me that night. i appreciate your support. Merry Christmas friend! hugs xo

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  39. How many times in naivete or headstrong pursuit does God rescue us? His manifold grace protects us when we see it and when we don’t. He is a good Father by protecting you and by giving you a good father and teaching you wisdom and on and on. Happy New Year, Sister.

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  40. Great post! I tend to NOT trust people. Too many painful betrayals by people very close to me. So I hold back and wait for them to prove I can trust them. I have a handful of true friends and I cling to these. Poor things. LOL. God is good!

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    1. Thanks Angie for sharing that 🙂 yeah trust is definitely something every person has different relationship with! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  41. God has gifted you some amazing parents, and only a dad could say “Polly Pure Heart”” and make it sting like a four letter fowl word hahaha. One of my favorite quotes is by the late great Maya Angelou, ” When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Your mom also nailed it when she said, you trust them or you don’t. This is so true there are no grey areas in trust…

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  42. I absolutely can relate. I am the type of person that will see what people are showing me about themselves and paint it with glitter. I would go against my feelings and just believe people would change . I am still learning , but through so many painful experiences I am putting the whole , “test the spirits,” into practice .

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  43. Thank you for this honest article. I am wired like you and I can be too trusting. It is imperative for us to be honest and also mindful of how we spend our time and who we trust. Everyone does not deserve our time. Thank you for being transparent .

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    1. You’re on a reading roll my friend!! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. You’re right – our time and our hearts are precious! Hugs and love xox

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