The Power of Trust

Quarantine Day 56: NYC

We’ve had St. Patrick’s Day. Easter. Cinco de Mayo. Now the next holiday to fall prey to the Coronavirus is…Mother’s Day.

Which, frankly is such a travesty, because if you ask me, mothers are really the unsung heroes of Quarantine. They’ve been thrust into a completely upside-down existence, where overnight, they were thrown into the role of teacher, child care, disciplinarian, entertainment, peace keeper, chef, house keeper, and source of comfort for their children.

So moms, I salute you, and the selfless, thankless work you put in every day, quarantine, or not.

In honor of my own mother, on this Mother’s Day weekend, I wanted to share the greatest lesson my mom ever taught me. And believe me, there have been a lot: from her infamous one-liner that became my life’s motto: Just do the next right thing, to advising me to Shake the dust off and go create a life where I’m celebrated, to just living by example: how to love, how to be a friend, a wife, a mother.

But the greatest and most beneficial lesson she taught me is all about trust.

One of the most devastating things about anorexia is that you are litereally a walking billboard for your eating disorder. It is clearly visible that you are suffering: my skeletal body was a visible indicator to anyone and everyone, that something was terribly amiss.

And so as a result, people talk. People love to gossip, and when it’s something so “taboo” as an eating disorder — they just can’t help themselves.

My family is well-loved in our community, I’ll just go right out and say it. My brothers were the captains of the football and basketball teams, my mom ran bible studies with 150+ women, my dad is well respected in the business circles, and I grew up on stage in the city’s professional theaters. We were a visible family.

So at 78 pounds and literally destroying my life, my “fall from grace” in high school was juicy gossip to say the least.

But my mom never partook in any of it. She never spoke about me to her friends. She never entertained any conversations that people tried to have with her. She didn’t put me on any prayer request lists — which, we all know can be the Christian way to gossip about people…

No, she made a conscious decision that literally saved our relationship. She knew that if I were to make it through that period, and if our relationship were to ever survive, I would have to be able to trust her.

So even though at the time, I was lying to and manipulating her, and being so hurtful with the words I spewed in fits of rage, or as I was shutting her out — she knew that in order for our relationship to heal, I would have to be able to trust her.

So she never betrayed my trust through gossip.

And 12 years later, I was talking to her about that courageous decision, and she just looked at me and said,

It was not my story to tell.”

Did my mom need support and encouragement and comfort during that incredibly difficult season? Yes, of course. Watching her daughter waste away before her eyes, she poured her heart out to Jesus every single day. Pleading with Him to save my life.

She was a vault when it came to what I was going through, and for that I am so grateful. And it truly saved our relationship. Because I knew I could trust her with anything.

Trust is one of — if not the — most important foundations of a relationship. It doesn’t matter if it is a friendship, a romantic relationship, a business relationship, a spousal relationship — at the end of the day, all we have is our word. An invaluable, precious commodity that I fiercely protect at all costs.

I’d say that one of my achilles heels (I have many) is that I am too trusting. I give people the benefit of the doubt almost to my detriment. But I want to believe that people are good, and worthy of trust.

Probably because I was raised in a family where I was never given any doubts otherwise.

I will never be able to thank my mother enough for that incredibly selfless gift that she gave me, those many many years ago.

She showed me through her actions how love looks, how it acts, and how it is a protective fortress of confidentiality and security.

Mom, thank you for loving me so well. I will never be able to repay you for the love you’ve shown me through every season season of life: the ups and downs, challenges and joys. I love you, and happy Mother’s Day.

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

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93 thoughts on “The Power of Trust

    1. Aw thank you Paula, I am very blessed to have her as a mom!! Stay well!! Hugs and love xox

    1. Aw thank you!! Haha i take that as a compliment! 🙂 stay well! Hugs and love xox

  1. You and your could be twins 🤗 Your mother sounds like an amazingly beautiful person inside and out. You’re definitely blessed to have her as your mother! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, MOM!!! 🎊🎈🎉🥳🎁

    1. Aww you’re kind for saying that! Yes she is beautiful inside and out!! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  2. As I was reading this, my mum came into my room to say a short prayer for me. This is one of the many things she does that I do not take for granted. Happy mothers day to your mum and all the awesome mums out there!

    1. Aww that is so special!!! Sounds like you have an amazing mom!! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  3. Another lovely post and it sounds like you have a lovely mom or mum as I would say. At this time and always my parents have been a world to me. Being single with no children I worry about a day when either of them will no longer be in my life. But try to knit networks of friends into my life as a kind of cushion or safety net for a day when they are not here. I always assumed my brother would always be here to help never once thought he might take his own life he loved life and his pattern and me. This is turning into one of my blog posts now not yours I am sorry for that! My point is that I always took you as an honest person since I have known you and please don’t take this the wrong way but I did not see you as a trusting person until now only because of my none Christian belief system. I always assumed and believed like I had to explain where I am coming from as a none Christian, so that I am not misunderstood. In my mind none Catholics can go to heaven too. I hope that makes sense and does not offend. Best wishes and Cwtches from Devon Huw.

    1. Oh gosh yes I am so blessed to have her as a mom! Thank you for sharing your story. Gosh I am so sorry to hear that you’ve had to deal with that loss. My heart goes out to you. Wishing I could give you a big hug in person, Devon. Hugs and love xox

  4. That’s a great pic of you and your mom at CTK! I felt like I was meeting a real celebrity after reading so much about her and seeing her pictures on your blog. I saw her at the front desk while I was working on a new intro for you, and I called out, “I know who you are. You’re Mrs. BBB!”

    OK. Random. Maybe she wasn’t sure what to make of me, but, hey…I was excited to meet her! Maybe we’ll have to have a BBB visits CTK, Part Two someday.

    It’s amazing how she never confided in anyone about you! That had to take a lot of strength to hold it all and not have the support of just one friend! She’s definitely a special lady. I know you’ll miss seeing her for Mother’s Day, but you two have an incredible bond. You’re spirits are intertwined.

    I hope you read my Wednesday night article, if you haven’t already. It’s about a “different” way to reach out these days. Have a great weekend!

    1. Thanks Jeff! Yeah I had a huge smile on my face when I came across that photo. What great memories!! Haha Aw you’re so kind!!! She loved meeting you too!! You’re so right- it took so much strength. Yeah I definitely wish we could be together, the world is strange right now. Very strange. And yes! I loved your post! I’m right there with ya-I think letter writing is an absolute art form! And so special, especially during this time. Times new Roman ain’t got nothing on good old fashioned cursive! Haha stay well my dear friend! Hugs to you and your girls!! Xox

  5. A lovely tribute to your Mom. I agree trust is of paramount importance in any relationship. Stay well. Stay safe. And may God continue to bless your life.

    1. Thank you so much Carol!! Amen to that – it really is the most important foundation! That, faith and of course love! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  6. Hey Care! This is such a great Mother’s Day gift… your writing about trust. Moms work their whole lives at making sure their kids trust them; can have faith in them, and work to make sure their kids can believe what they say is true. This article is a gift to me, because in it, you’re claiming that what is most important to moms, was accomplished: a trustworthy relationship. Thanks for expressing this gift of love😘. I miss you so much.

    1. Aw thank you mama 🙂 you are a blessing to me and I couldn’t be more grateful to have you as a mom!! I love you!!!

  7. A lovely tribute to your wonderful Mum. Trust is such an important part of any relationship. Without that we can never really open ourselves, be truthful and be vulnerable.
    Blessings 😊💙

    1. Thank you so much! Yes! I am grateful to have her!! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  8. What a beautiful tribute! You and your Mom are very blessed ladies. Proverbs 31:30 😊 Praying you have a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend, even if over FaceTime.

  9. Hi, I hope you are feeling good about the cards in your hand on what might be a strange weekend. It is ideal to see you consider decidedly your relationship with your mom. It is nice, too, the energy you remember in your life when you were distraught.

    It more likely than not was trouble, I assume, that your issue was noticeable. I’d wondered about a few specifics of what your life was like at the time. I’m more familiar by now, from reading your blog, what your life is like, and how it was coming apart then.

    You mention Christian gossip, but I’m a Canadian, and I’m not sure we have the same dynamic, in this nation, among families like yours, although my godparents are Americans, in fact, and I’m not unfamiliar with what that kind of structure is like. I feel thankful that you’ve given me the grace you have. I know you’re saying you’re too trusting, and maybe you are, but maybe, too, it is better to risk trust rather than refuse it altogether.

    A debt of gratitude is in order for posting, of course, dear, I am happy you’re okay. God bless you.

    1. Thank you Odell! You’re so right – it’s better to risk trust rather than refuse it altogether. Wow – what a powerful truth — I’m writing that one down!! thank you! Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you Lisa!! 🙂 I will pass that along! Sending big Mother’s Day hugs!! xox

  10. Caralyn, what a beautiful tribute to your mom. Love and respect for each other go along with that trust. Celebrating your mom and you! ❤️🤗 XO

  11. My dear Caralyn,

    I am very happy that such a person like your mother exists as they have shown what real love means, to take care of her child who was in troubled waters and who never gave up to support and reach her hand – to you. Your mother and I believe also your father has never given up on you, with their trust in Jesus Christ all is possible and with their trust they have and had in you. Frankly, I am very touched by your words and feel the thankfulness coming deep from your heart, dear Caralyn. Your mother is a living example that with the help of trust and positive attitude the word impossible fades away, loses its power. And my friend, I am now happy that you have won the battle against yourself, your enemy in yourself, although it will be a lifelong fight, not to bring you down again to stand upright. So I am very happy and appreciate your presence here sharing your deep experience with us from which we all can learn.

    I wish more people like your mother would be in this world – the world would surely be better.

    You can be very proud of your parents!

    Please, convey my greetings to them too.

    Hugs and love
    Didi

    1. Hi Didi! oh this touched my heart so much!! You’re absolutely right – my mom is a beautiful example of all those things, and how blessed am I to have her as my mom and best friend!!! 🙂 I will absolutely pass that along!! 🙂 thanks again! Hugs and love xox

    1. Aw thank you so much! Yes! She is a gem and a half! 🙂 hehe Hugs and love xox

  12. Good morning, Caralyn, what beauty in trust. What amazing power of His grace that fell upon your family during a tragic time. What a merciful Savior who breathed life into your bones! I celebrate all this with you and the gift you have in your mom. Love in Christ, Julie

    1. Hi there Julie! Oh thank you so much 🙂 You’re so right – God blessed us with an abundance of mercy and grace during that time. Sending so much love! xox

    1. Thank you friend – Yes – and so applicable in life. I have found myself catching myself from falling into gossip by remembering those seven little words! stay well! Hugs and love xox

  13. What a wonderful post and tribute to your mom! And I totally agree with you “all we have is our word.” Integrity is a commodity you cannot buy, sell or trade and should always be held in the highest esteem. Your mother truly follows God’s word: ” The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” (Proverbs 11:3) Happy Mother’s Day to your mother and to you. Blessings and Peace.

    1. Thank you CF! ALl we have is our word — SO TRUE! Integrity is worth protecting! thank you for that! stay well! Hugs and love xox

    1. She really is such a beautiful example of love. I am so grateful. Thank you friend. Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you Meghan!! A blessing indeed! I will pass that along 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  14. Saying your mom was a great mom would be an understatement! This was such a wonderful tribute to your mom and your loving relationship with her. Be well and have a wonderful Mother’s Day! God Bless!

    1. Thank you so much! You’re right about that – a BIG understatement! I’ll pass that along!! Hugs and love xox

    1. Hi friend!!! Oh gosh, I am so touched by your kind words – thank you 🙂 and i will pass that along to her!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

    1. Hi Chris! thank you so much! yes they are! SUPER heroes! hahha stay well and I hope you’re having a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

  15. Happy Mothers day to your mom and thank you to your mom for the great support and leadership she has provided you. Her support has allowed you to share your story and helped so many people.

    1. Thank you so much!! Her support and love has been absolutely instrumental in my life. i am so grateful. And wow, i am so touched by your generous words. thank you. i will pass this along!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  16. For me the most telling thing you have written about your mother is that she is courageous enough not to shy away from the photos of you with anorexia .As a mother I know how brave that is. I have one lovely photo of my own son playing innocently with a toy truck. I remember his father buying it for him after he had nearly died of pneumonia and I had spent almost a week staying in hospital with him. It is still hard to look at, even though my son looks fine in the photo. How much harder must it be for her to confront photos of you from that difficult time, especially if there are gossipy, judgemental people around. She is right to embrace that stage in your life. By her accepting it, you have been able to accept it too. I have brought it up several times I know but looking at those photos must tear at her soul and I hold onto it to remind myself how to handle the challenging periods, all mother’s face at one point or another.

    1. Thank you for sharing that. wow, that is such a powerful memory. i can only imagine. you’re so right. Hugs and love xox

  17. Happy mothers day your mom. Always remember that mother is a precious gem for us. We should take care of them. Stay safe from COVID-19.

  18. Best lines: Trust is one of — if not the — most important foundations of a relationship. It doesn’t matter if it is a friendship, a romantic relationship, a business relationship, a spousal relationship — at the end of the day, all we have is our word. An invaluable, precious commodity that I fiercely protect at all costs.

  19. This is a beautiful tribute to your Mom. And thank you for stopping by my site. I have missed your posts. It’s good to touch base again.

  20. You followed my blog so I was curious and checked out yours, and I have not been disappointed!! Your writing is excellent, your advice is sound, and I love the heart that you share in your experiences. Keep it up! 🙂

    1. Oh thank you so much for checking out my blog! I’m touched by your kind words! Big hugs xox

  21. I ALWAYS enjoy your posts. I think this is my favorite though. It takes a spiritual maturity, both to do what she did, AND for you to recognize and appreciate that gift!

    God bless you continually!

    Peach

    1. oh my gosh Peach, you are just too sweet! thank you my friend. i really appreciate that! Hugs and love xox

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