Life Changing Letters

A little humility is good for people every now and then.

And by “people,” I am absolutely referring to myself. More often than not, I have to remind myself that.

I don’t know about you, but in today’s self-focused, self-empowering, self expressive, “selfie” way-of-life, humility is a virtue that is increasingly hard to find. It’s a sad reality, really. And I am certainly included in this travesty.

I was chatting with a friend over the weekend, and I just nonchalantly mentioned an exercise I had to do as part of my recovery from anorexia, and it absolutely shocked her. She was so taken aback with this “step” in the recovery process.

This “step” being: making amends with people I had wronged during my eating disorder.

While I was at inpatient, part of my healing and starting new, was that I had to write letters to every single person in my life that I had wronged during those two years I was actively participating in my anorexia.

Every. Single. Person. From my family members, to my friends, to my teachers, mentors, drama directors, doctors, church community. Every. Single. Person. A handwritten letter, admitting that I had been lying to them, deceiving them, and manipulating their love and care for me, and asking for forgiveness.

It was the most humbling thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life.

But after reflecting on my conversation with my friend, and seeing her shock at having to send such revealing and intimate letters, I realized just how radical and rare that exercise actually was.

Writing letters to every person in my life, admitting the deepest sin and brokenness in my life, and how they were implemented in it?! — I had to sit down, and just kind of chuckle to myself at how bold that actually was. Like, wow.

To be honest, I have a huge mental block on much of those three months I was at inpatient treatment. Seeing all the emaciated women with feeding tubes coming out of their noses; hearing personal accounts of abuse, rape, and sexual assault during group therapy sessions; witnessing women go through drug detox and having to be handcuffed to their hospital bed — it is a season of my life that I have mentally tucked away in a box, and stored in a locked area of my mind, respected but put to rest.

But every so often, I’m reminded of something that unlocks those memories, and that conversation yesterday was one of them. And all of a sudden, I was taken back to those hours, and hours I spent on my inpatient bed, pouring out my soul in these hand written letters to every person in my life at that time.

It took close to three weeks. Three weeks.

I sat with those letters, addressed and stamped in the envelopes, terrified to send them out, knowing that in doing so, I would be showing my most vulnerable, disgraceful self. Showing my biggest flaw. Putting those letters in the mailbox was equally the most humbling, and yet, simultaneously freeing action I’ve ever taken.

But in doing so, it was like I was finally free. The secret was out. The shame was no longer hidden. No longer in darkness. And I took the first step in making amends with the people I had hurt in my eating disorder.

James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.

Looking back, I am so grateful that such a powerful task was assigned to me by my therapist. Believe me, I was not in a place to come up with that on my own accord. But rather, my salt of the earth therapist — who was also a Christian — urged me to make things right with the people I cared most about.

And that’s the thing: the people you care about matter. If recovery, if quarantine, has taught me anything, it is how grateful I am for the meaningful relationships in my life.

And it is so important to honor those relationships with respect, honesty, loyalty, trustworthiness. And admitting wrongs and making amends when we fall short and hurt those people in ways big or small, no matter how humbling that may be.

Writing those letters – it was another step in breaking the pride I was enslaved to in my anorexia. It was honoring those in my life by being brutally — self-incriminatingly — honest, and asking for forgiveness.

And the response to those letters? Every single person received it so graciously, and offered their wholehearted forgiveness, and overwhelming support in my recovery efforts, from a disease they so clearly saw overtaking my mind, body and spirit — even when I couldn’t.

What a beautiful gift that was, to receive their forgiveness. It is something I am grateful for today and every day.

I don’t know why this was put on my heart to write about today. Perhaps, in this season of Covid, we’re being blessed with an opportunity to reflect on any amends we need to make. Or, conversely, grant forgiveness to those who have wronged us.

Because if one thing has been made crystal clear, it is that life is way too short, and tremendously precious to spend another minute in a state of turmoil in relationships.

There is beauty in humility. Need proof? Just look at the cross.

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5


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Yay for cute hats!

A huge shoutout to Reason Nutrition Beverage! Their all-natural, high calorie drink is not only delicious, but it has no “garbage” in it! Utilizing the wholesome goodness of coconut oil, it’s a phenomenal option for those needing to gain weight in recovery, or for those simply looking to supplement their diet with convenient and fast nutrition. Check them out!

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Here was yesterday’s video!

MAGIC TOOTHPASTE? Yes! I am in love with this superior whitening toothpaste. It keeps my smile sparkling, without sensitivity or bleach! I made a website where you can directly order this miracle product! So if you want to give it a try, you can go ahead and grab a tube for yourself. I promise, your smile will thank you!Get a tube!

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119 responses to “Life Changing Letters”

  1. Wow, this was a very large task you took on, Caralyn. It’s wonderful too! I love the first photo, you look so radiant! Be safe and well. 🙏🏻😊

    • Thank you so much John – that means a lot! 🙂 yeah – it was a big undertaking. But so worth it! Hugs and love xox

    • Thank you Jeff. Yeah I definitely had to take a deep breath sending those out. Glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  2. You had a very good therapist, and good for you for completing such a difficult task. I think in the end you discovered that YOU were the one who actually benefited from it the most. A guilty conscience, shame and , self-condemnation can be so self-destructive, like a disease that eats us alive. Love hearing how God saved you from that!

    • Thank you PK – you’re so right, my therapist was an absolute blessing. Thank you for your encouraging words. God is so so good! Hugs and love xox

  3. “Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing indeed: Forgetting the things behind and reaching forward to the things ahead”

    Philippians 3:13 blb


    Press on to the high calling Christ Jesus. God is with you. God bless.


    Emanuel means “God with us.” God is with you. You can’t fail. (An Old Testament name for Jesus.)

  4. What a lovely, moving reflection! Honoring worthwhile relationships with respect, honesty, loyalty, trustworthiness and being able to admit wrongs and to strive to make amends is humbling and rewarding, even when the rewards are not immediately apparent.

  5. Practically speaking you have a very beautiful heart and you are blessed abundantly.Loved reading a mentally and spiritually uplifting post.Thanks a lot for sharing.Take care.🌹👍🙏

  6. You’ve focused on something humans find it so difficult to do and that is ask for forgiveness. And even more difficult is for us to forgive those who’ve been enemies to us. Each is a cleansing exercise and doing so empowers God to forgive us in turn.

  7. Wow. Powerful. The Bible says a lot about forgiveness. One verse, Colossians 3:13 – “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” I believe we can’t draw close to Christ if we hold bitterness and don’t forgive those we need too. However, it is hard. Sometimes we can only do it with the help of Christ/Holy Spirit. What you did took a lot of courage. Sometimes I wonder why we go through struggles in life. I don’t think God cause us to go through hard times but rather allows us to go through hard times. If we rely on Christ and keep the faith, we usually come out stronger on the other side. He has given you a story to tell, a testimony if you will. He is going to use you to help others and make a difference for the kingdom. Through your story you share, allow you to help others who are struggling and help bring people to Christ so they may also know the hope they can have. Thank you for sharing and keep pressing on in faith. The journey is day by day. The struggle at times may be hard. But we are not alone. We must pick up our cross and follow Him daily. It is a choice and we are not alone. Christ walks that journey with us if we walk in faith. God Bless!

    • Thank you so much Mike! I’m so glad this struck a chord with you! And gosh I’m so touched by your generous words. I do believe that’s why we’re allowed to go through such things: so that we can share our story with others going through some thing similar. Hugs and love xox

  8. In my recovery program I too had to make an amends to every single person I hurt in my alcoholism/drinking. It is humbling to say the least, and it so freeing once complete. In my dealings not all accepted my heart, which we are taught this is for us even more than it is for them. My first amends was someone I am very close to, I prayed a lot before I made my amends. It went nothing like the incredible stories you hear. I was told to f-off, and was verbally assaulted. I had a good cry, and prayed again to not allow that to hinder me from completing this process. For us the ones who don’t complete this to its entirety, and to the best of our ability usually drink again. It is just how the process works. Getting all those skeletons out was one of the most freeing things I have done in my lifetime. I am blessed to have made all those amends. Even the one that did not turn out so well, God knew my heart behind it. Thank you for sharing!

    Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:10 Blessings 💜 Lisa

    • Thank you for sharing your story, Lisa. Oh gosh, I am so sorry that your first amends went like that. but I’m so glad that you found that freedom. you’re so right – we are so blessed!!! cheering for you in your recovery, my dear friend! thank you for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

    • also, i’m so inspired that you didn’t let that first go derail your efforts. that’s some real strength right thre!!

      • They really encourage that, we have a sponsor that we walk though this whole journey with. Before we even make amends they know who it will be to in that long list. They pray with us, and over it. They always ask how it went, and they are a big part in rooting us on to keep going. I am still not close to this said person which is a huge person in my life. I just know if it were meant to be God will allow it in His time. Our time is not always His. I pray for this person. I have come to realize they fight there own battle of mental illness. I love this person very much, and I know one day if God allows it it will happen, I did right by cleaning my side of the street. The door is open when they are ready. Thank you for your kind words. I just keep on keeping on, and am far from perfect. I strive daily with God to do the next right thing in my life today. 7 years ago I could not say this. But for the grace of God, and I can never forget where I came from. What it was like then, and what it is like now (awesome)Blessings! Happy Tuesday 💜Lisa

      • that is such a great idea to have a sponsor. wow – i love that. and you’re right – it’s a daily walk! cheering for you in your recovery! congratualtions on 7 years! that is truly something to celebrate! God is good! Hugs and love xox

      • Thank you! It is a lifelong process for us. They walk with us through the journey of life. We have a person we can call any day, any hour. It is a “one day at time” daily recovery contingent on our spiritual house. Women work with women, and men with men. I have a whole group of women who stepped up, and brought us dinners for 6 weeks every night after my mastectomy. It is a beautiful fellowship of people that help one another stay accountable. I love being in recovery, and helping others is when the magic happens. Those people really help me more than I help them in my opinion. I appreciate you taking the time to comment on this topic. I am so passionate about it especially in these times. So many people during Covid have found solace in drinking. The stories we get to listen to in meetings of experience, strength, and hope are healing. I am so happy to have a seat in the recovery program I am part in. Alcohol does not discriminate. Blessings dear friend! 💕💕💕 7 years is all by the grace of God. I can never forget where I came from! Lots of love, Lisa

      • You’re absolutely right – a life long process. And wow – what a beautiful fellowship indeed. I can feel your passion through your words! You have a beautiful heart that loves to help people, that is evident! You are inspiring!!! 🙂

  9. I was thinking about the same verse James 5:16 even before I got to the part where you talked about the need to confess. 🙂

    We so often forget that we think when we are sinning ‘privately’, we think we are not hurting others. We are, and I am guilty of this thought.

    Stay strong. God loves you.

  10. I’ve been sitting here for a few minutes trying to think of what I can offer in return for tonight’s article/confession. As always, your openness deserves more than an “atta-girl!” Somehow I have a little trouble seeing you as egotistical in any way – you’ve always been very kind and patient with me. Having acted and been a center of attention in my college days, I understand how ego can sneak up on someone, so I’m sure that snare has been laid for you. It’s good that you’re aware enough to see the pitfalls of what you do.

    Just continue to stay safe there! You remain in my prayers. You’ve mentioned before that you don’t always keep your prayer life going, so here’s my hope that tonight’s article will maybe give you resolve to do better. Maybe it’s a version of your apology letter, but to God. And/or maybe an inoculation against the temptations of ego. Offered in love…and with a few hugs thrown in!

    • Thank you Jeff – i think for me it was always just a mindset that not many people could see from the outside. i kept it very private, but as you know — hidden darkness leads to outward decay. thank you for that beautiful encouragement. yes! i think a letter to God is in store for sure. i hope you and your girls ahve a wonderful week! Hugs and love xox

  11. Caralyn?, all Christians must reread James 5:16 and pray for God’s help and humility to action . I am so impressed by your heartfelt post and feel your sincerity in your words, and I pray for God’s blessings on you and your mission.

    • aw, thank you so much Al for your kind words and prayers! I’m so glad this resonated with you! you’re right – it is an imporatant verse and virtue! Hugs and love xox

  12. For some reason, reading this post made me think about the story of the author at the writer’s conference who introduced his newest work by saying, “The title of my book is, ‘How to Get Along with Everybody’. I wrote it with this other jerk.”

    We don’t always see the need for humility, especially when we need it the most. Thankfully, God gives grace to the humble, (insert scripture reference I cant think of at the moment) so right thinking has its own reward. I like to call it “Spiritual Limbo”—how low can you go? Blessings.

    • hahah oh gosh. thank you for sharing that David – Spiritual Limbo – what an interesting thought! Hugs and love xox

  13. Spot on. All growth begins with self; even more so, all forgiveness must begin from within. To humbly love yourself, then forgive yourself, and most important love yourself is the only true beginning. Also, probably the most difficult process of your life. You are such a deep thinker and very articulate. I enjoy you honesty and appreciate your sharing. xxooxxoo

    • Thank you so much HJ – you’re so right – growth and forgiveness begins from within! Hugs and love xox

  14. Dear friend, This post explains exactly why your blog has such impact. When I was a young adult I was encouraged to perform a similar task. Imagine if everyone did this? It’s life-changing. Thanks again for your vulnerability, your courage. It is not in vain.
    PS. Still waiting patiently for a sneak peek of that gentleman friend we’ve heard about…

    • Thank you so much Amy – gosh I am so touched by your incredibly kind words. Being that open really does create a life changing shift in your soul. Haha oh gosh – I put a photo of him on my Instagram over the weekend! 🥰 heheh have a wonderful afternoon! Hugs and love xox

    • Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Yeah it definitely taught me humility, that’s for sure!! Have a great afternoon 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  15. Wow. Very nice.

    I miss writing letters. I’m glad I saved pretty much every handwritten letter I’ve ever gotten since I moved out on my own in 1994, because now I can sometimes include pictures of those letters in my blog posts and show that those stories really happened.

  16. Hey Caralyn 🙂

    Excellent post — extra-ordinarily excellent!! 😀

    I’ve got a feeling maybe a recent comment of mine could have included something some people might think I should apologize for… and it’s a very quirky thing, because it’s actually a sort of “triangle” situation. I have often thought about it, but I have never been able to write about it clearly or directly or simply or anything like that.

    It has to do with the “RM” concept (this is shorthand for what many consider to be a controversial term)… you may be able to find it by searching through comments (as an aside, I am a huge proponent of using WP as a community tool, as members of WP sites have several tools at their disposal through the “backend” that are not generally available via the “frontend” websites 😉 ).

    The thing about the RM situation is that it involves (at least) three participants (and usually many more — but for the sake of simplicity, let’s imagine just 3). Let’s call these three “sender”, “recipient” and “medium”. When I use the term RM (and since in this scenario, I consider myself as being “outside” of this system, I am actually a fourth participant), most people immediately focus on the recipient (or the “consumer”) of messages, and these people consider me to be making something like an “arrogant” description of [average] consumers of messages. That is NOT what I am trying to explain (it least not IMHO 😉 ). Instead, when I refer to RM, I am talking about the MEDIA (i.e., the medium-s) that practice this (in order to “make money”, “reap profits”, etc. — essentially, in order to be / become “successful”).

    What RM do is to apply an outdated technology which is basically a “bait and switch” scheme. Consumers go for the bait, and then in the switch, they get “sold down the river”. The consumers are suckers (there’s a famous quote attributed to P.T. Barnum about this — “there’s a sucker born every minute”)… and there was also a very good book written a few years ago by two Nobel-prize winning economists called “Phishing for Phools”.

    The way I see it, consumers cannot be blamed in this scenario, because no one has told them about this. If people are making money off of suckers, there’s very little to motivate someone to tell the suckers about what’s going on. What I am accusing, is that there is a huge “media industrial complex” that participates in these bait and switch schemes — and thereby exploits innocent, unknowing, naive consumers (who actually think that the successful exploitation of their own naiveté is a sign of trustworthiness).

    Well, so maybe my comment triggered you, maybe your post triggered me. In any case one thing seems certain: it’s complicated! 😛

    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. i am so sorry, but i do not know what RM is that you are referring to! but i can tell that you feel really passionate about it, i’m just not on the same page as you with the acronyms!! so sorry! Hugs and love xox

  17. Amazing and bold step Caralyn. Well done to you for following through and sharing with us a remind of the power in setting ourselves free. Have a blessed day x

    • Thank you so much Camille! i really appreciate your encouraging words! yes! there really is such freedom in forgiveness! 🙂 you as well! Hugs and love xox

  18. I have to say that I REALLY like this post Caralyn. It spoke right into my heart. Humility, transparency and honesty is very needed by me and the society at large. Thanks for sharing this post! God bless your heart.

    • aw, thank you Temiloluwa! I’m so glad it spoke to your heart! you’re absolutely right – those virtues are so important — now more than every! Hugs and love xox

    • thank you so much Oluwatomi! I’m so glad it hit home with you. yes! joining you in that prayer! Hugs and love xox

  19. Wow. So often we think of humility as just not being prideful, or we think of it as self deprecating, seeing yourself as lower than others around you. This made me see humility in a new light…the admission that what we do has an effect on everyone in our lives, that we are not islands apart from one another, and when damage is done it goes beyond the individual. Again…wow.

    • thank you so much Will for sharing your thoughts on this. you’re so right – our actions do effect others in our lives! so glad this hit home with you. Hugs and love xox

  20. Hi, Caralyn.
    Just a couple thoughts on humility; the first humorous:
    1. Steve, a friend of mine wrote a book: The 10 Humblest People in the World and How I Taught the Other 9! :-)))
    2. Seriously, confession removes the powers of guilt and sin because it sets us free from what we were. Hiding in sin is scary because ‘someone may figure me out.’ (Matthew 10:26-28)
    3. While confession is powerful, you were fortunate that your wounded victims were in line with forgiveness. Confession does no good if forgiveness is not forthcoming; it may only exacerbate the injury, so wisdom is needed here. Being vulnerable is valuable as long as you are not exposing yourself to someone with an axe in hand.
    4. Humility is simply the art of assessing oneself as you really are; not inflating with ego, not deflating with false humility. It is viewing yourself as you would another. (Galatians 5:13-15)
    love and prayers,

    • thank you so much C. A! those are some great thoughts! you’re so right – there is so much power and freedom in confession! Hugs and love xox

  21. Thank you for sharing from your heart. What a big step of faith to write the personal letters. Receiving a personal letter is so rare these days. I always think that the person writing me invested the time for me because they care for me. I know Caralyn you had the very same heart. So glad all the letters were well received! 🙂

    • thank you so much Carl! you’re right – it was a huge and scary step, but i’m so glad to have done it! thanks for such encouraging and kind words! Hugs and love xox

  22. It truly takes humility to confess, but James also says God exalts the the humble. Confession is extremely freeing for the individual who needs to make things right. It is also a gift for those to whom we confess because it makes forgiveness (which is required by God) so much easier to give. Beautiful, wise post. God bless.

    • thank you so much Linda – you’re so right – there is so so much freedom in confession. what a blessing! thank you for your kind words! Hugs and love xox

  23. This is beautifully written, raw and real. It took strength and courage to write those letters and bravery to share your experience. I’m happy to hear that you’re healing well from your arduous journey and you must be proud of yourself to have come so far. Three weeks…a humbling, therapeutic, life-changing experience. For some it would take a lifetime to write those letters…

    • Hi Mary, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. Yes! I am so grateful for the second chance I have so generously been blessed with. glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

    • thank you Jim – you’re absolutely right about that. the forgiveness and mercy i received highlight the absoulte greatness of the human spirit! Hugs and love xox

  24. I am so thankful I found your blog. You inspire me with your heart and transparency. You are truly a blessing. Thank you for being so willing to be led by God with your words.

    • Thank you so much!! aw, what a kind thing to say! – i’m glad our paths crossed as well!!! God is so good, and I’m forever grateful for the second chance He’s so generously blessed me with. Hugs and love xox

    • Oh wow, that sounds like such a powerful and liberating exercise. what a beautiful thing! thanks for sharing that Rollie. Hugs and love xox

    • Thank you so much for sharing that – I am cheering for you in your recovery, my friend. Yes! It is liberating and absoultely unburdening. It feels like the weight of the world is lifted! praying for you!!! Hugs and love xox

    • Aw thank you so much Saron, you’re kind to say that. I’m glad you enjoyed the read! Hugs and love xox

  25. Although I have never been I know that this part of recovery is important in AA and I think it is important to all of us. It clears away the junk we stuck in our mental closets and shut the doors. It is such a relief.

    • Thank you so much Tony! A that means a lot my friend. Have a great day! Hugs and love xox

    • He really did, Michael. In that example, it was a beautiful moment. Hugs and love xox

    • Thanks so much Rocky for sharing that. I’m glad you know that freedom too. Cheering for you and your recovery! Hugs and love xox

  26. Beautifully written with a powerful ending. I think you are a sentinel of sorts. I pray that many who need to write to ask for forgiveness and to forgive themselves read your post. Christ is the ultimate humility. This is why so many have rejected him and his lesson so completely. I’ll bet your friend cannot get your act of letter writing out of her mind. She’s probably thinking of the letters she ought to write. I know it started me thinking….God bless you always.

    • Thanks so much Sandman! What a kind thing to say. I will join you in that important prayer! Hmmm perhaps so!!! Hugs and love xox

  27. I loved this. More than 25 years ago I went through a 12-step program for codependency. I wish my mom was here today for me to apologize for how I used her to “rescue” me from the messes I made in my life. She did get to see me get better, and I know she rejoiced in that. Unfortunately, she passed away before she got to see me actually pull my life together so I could be successful in my career, purchase a new built house all on my own, and especially renew my life in the arms of Jesus! I’m sure, though, she is rejoicing in Heaven. Thank you for this blog. It brought back reminders of my recovery.

    • thank you so much Andrea for sharing your story, how incredibly powerful. yes – i can only imagine her joy seeing you reclaim your life. and you’re absolutely right – she’s rejoicing in Heaven, and what a comfort to know that one day you will be able to rejoice with her in God’s Kingdom! what a sweet reunion that will be! Hugs and love xox

  28. In retrospect our barriers to truth are usually way less important than they seem at the time. Being able to grab a hold of that and deal with it is a different matter. That is why reminders (affirmations?) are so important (like say, reading someone’s blog about their experiences even if you have never experienced the same thing, it is a human thing and is therefore relatable if you allow it into your own domain), so… thanks 🙂

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