Do you ever have one of those moments where, someone says something, or you smell a certain scent, or you hear a certain song, and you are instantly transported to another place and time?
Something triggers a memory so strong and so vivid that it’s as though you are almost there?
That happened to me on Monday. And it was actually thanks to one of you! 🙂
One of the things I love most about blogging is getting to interact with the people who read my blog. You all bless me with so much pertinent and powerful insight, I truly feel like I learn and absorb more from you all than I put out into the ether. I like to think of it as more of a blog dialogue than a blog “post.”
But anyways, this past Monday, one of you reminded me of a very specific Bible verse…one that I haven’t thought about in years, but was instrumental in where I am today.
The verse is from Hebrews 11:1. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
And boy, when I heard that, it was as though I was catapulted back to a time and place where I was a very, very different girl.
This verse was spoken to me by a naturopathic doctor that helped save my life, when I was deep in the throes of both ulcerative colitis and anorexia, simultaneously.
They were happening at the same time – each one exacerbating the other. It was during high school, and I had deceived everyone that my severe case of anorexia was actually just complications from the ulcerative colitis. Which, initially, was true. But then the eating disorder sunk its claws into me, and the rest is history.
But this doctor….I had been trying everything to get out of this flare. My GI doc had put me on the highest dose of the steroid, Prednisone, and suffice it to say, it was diabolically detrimental to my mental and physical health.
And so, I had begun going to see this naturopath – salt of the earth – we’ll call him Dr. Bill.
He was a man of strong faith, and I’m telling ya…he knew that, in addition to the ulcerative colitis, I was actually enslaved to anorexia, but more importantly – he knew that what I was going through was actually spiritual warfare.
His spirit could sense it.
Not only did he suggest the Specific Carb Diet to me — which ultimately saved my life, — but he also suggested that I go to a spiritual healing service at his church. Which, I did. But, I was in no condition to go, spiritually. I had erected an impenetrable fortress around my heart and there wasn’t anyone who could get through to me.
But there was one appointment I remember specifically, where he introduced Hebrews 11:1 to me.
He told me to pray those words every single night. “Give me the faith to have confidence in what I hope for, and assurance in what I do not see.”
He knew. This kind, empathetic and spiritual man of God, knew exactly what I needed to be doing: surrendering my eating disorder – and my heart – to God.
Dr. Bill knew that deep down, the Caralyn I always was, was not this destructive and manipulative girl coming into his office. He could see though my impenetrable fortress, and saw the tired and terrified girl, trapped in the grips of the eating disorder, and more accurately, the enemy.
He knew. He knew that this was not me. He knew that I was being suffocated and I needed the confidence to break free from the chains, and the assuredness to know that when I did, Jesus would be there to catch me.
He wanted me to pray those words every night.
And like my slow adoption of the Specific Carb Diet, it wasn’t until I was at inpatient that I actually took his instruction to heart, and prayed those words. And wouldn’t you know, the very next day, I had my “breakthrough” moment where Jesus broke down my walls, and I accepted His love and He forgave me, and I not only admitted for the first time to having anorexia, but fully embraced recovery.
Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Right now, in 2021, we’re in one of those periods where it’s hard to have that confidence and assuredness. It feels as though we’ve been in a freefall for the last 11 months, and I’ll admit, I have had a few moments of doubt that Jesus is going to be there to catch us when this is through.
Hope is waning thin these days, and if there’s one thing I think we all need, it is confidence to have hope. Confidence in Jesus’ plan through the pandemic and its fallout. Confidence that we can get through this.
That is where faith steps in.
When God gave us that instruction, He wasn’t wishy washy about it. But rather, instructed us to have assurance in what we do not see. Assurance: a positive declaration, a promise.
We have a Father who keeps His promises.
Tonight, may we boldly embrace the confidence and assuredness to walk in the hope of Christ.
“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5
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