It’s four am, and you look in the mirror, sick and tired of doing the thing you swore you absolutely would no longer do.
You woke up with the best intentions, but by the end of the day, you’ve fallen flat on your face…again.
I know this all too well. It may have even inspired this post 😛
This is not a new phenomenon. Even in the Bible, people were banging their heads against their mud hut walls in exasperation.
Romans 7:15: I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.
Maybe you over-exercised. Restricted. Gave into destructive ED-thoughts. Binged. Hurt yourself. — And it doesn’t even have to be ED related. Maybe there’s something in your life that you just. can’t. stop. doing. Gossiping. Lying. Cheating. Harboring anger or jealousy. Hello — I just scratched the surface of my “list.”
But that feeling at the end of the day sucks. You lie awake, stare at the ceiling and are just angry at yourself. Furious that you aren’t strong enough to just F-ing get your life together. To stop doing this destructive behavior or thought process.
And you know what this often makes me do?
Hide from God. Avoid him. Cower in shame.
But here’s the truth. And, believe me, I’m not “preaching” here. I’m saying this for my own benefit tonight, and you guys are just on the listening end of what I’m reminding myself this evening.
Just as I am.
In this moment.
He’ll take me and love me. And the same goes for you.
I feel that in order to be loved by God, I have to have everything all figured out. I have to have everything together. I have to stop doing X, and do Y more, and definitely get Z out of my life altogether. I have to be perfect.
But that is a lie.
That is what ED wants me to believe.
And the same goes for you.
We’re not unqualified for His love because of anything we’ve done in the past. And if you’re anything like me, there’s probably quite a “checkered history” there. And conversely, there’s nothing we can do to earn that love either.
We’re wanted as is. You. Me. And all of our collective baggage.
He’ll take it all.
He’ll take you. He’ll take me. Right where we are.