Honesty Hour

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’m going to be honest with y’all.

I’ve been feeling really restless in my heart recently.

No, it’s not because we’re heading into the Final Four and my bracket is malarky.

Not because I’m anxiously awaiting the new Backstreet Boys/NSYNC/98 Degrees movie that’s set to come out soon.

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((Be still my preteen heart))


Not because the presidential candidates have got me (and apparently a plethora of other weary Americans) ready to jump ship and move to Canada.

No.

My heart is restless because of wondering when God is going to show me His plan for my life.

And it’s funny because, as I type this, the direction of this post is going to go in a completely different direction than I set out to write….so, thank you Holy Spirit for that gentle nudge.

I’ve kept it on the DL, but I was cast last year in a feature film trilogy. Filming on location, out of state during the entire summer. And starting in May, I had to report on set.

Now, I’m not “green” — I’m well aware that many projects fall through, so I knew not to get excited until I was on the plane with the check in my hand.

Hashtag: ShowMeTheMoney

 

Anyways, there were signs and certain things that made me believe that this was, in fact, going to happen. Sure enough signs that I told my boss that I was going to need the summer off.

Well, I got an email last week that the project has been postponed for an entire year. And the better part of my brain adds the addendum — “if it happens at all.”

So I was disappointed to say the least.

OK, God. I’m just waiting for You to show up and tell me why You pulled the rug out from under me? I thought this was something You wanted me to do?

And then there’s the boys.


There are a couple interesting prospects in my life on the romance front. But, being in the old fashioned camp, I do not text boys first. I wait for them to contact me.

And I’m really feeling like my heart is ready for love. So again…

Dear God, Hello from the other side! I must have called a thousand times! I’m just waiting for you to show me who I’m supposed to open my heart to! Kthanksbye!

 

So I’m restless. Feeling like I’m kinda flailing, waiting for God to show me His plans for my life.

But here’s how funny God works. As I’m writing this, I’m given a little whisper.

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And I know this might sound a little batty, but whatever…I’m just going to share with you what I’m hearing right now:

God is revealing His will for my life. Right now. It just might not be how I think it’s supposed to look. It might not be my timing. It might not be packaged and wrapped up in a neat little bow. But it’s His plan. And His timing.


The fact is, He’s given me this blog, and instilled a true passion in my heart to share how He legitimately saved my life from a severe case of anorexia.

He’s given me time with my friends this summer. Instead of being on location for three months, I’m going to be able to nurture my heart with my friends, which has been so life-giving and important to my recovery.

He’s given me a job that allows me time to take care of myself and my needs, as well as allow me time to blog.

And most importantly, He’s given me my health. I’m healthy. I’m not enslaved to ED anymore. I’m not in an Ulcerative Colitis flare. Sure, I may have to take certain measures to put my health first, but He empowers me to do that.


So though I may feel as though I’m like Sandra Bullock in Gravity, drifting at the moment, questioning God’s plan for my life…the fact is, He is at work. My measly little earthy eyes just can’t always recognize how blessed I am. At least not at the hyper speed I tend to live.

Anywho. Time to shut down the computer for the night. Take a little respite from the glow of my Mac in the midnight hour and get some sleep.

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Being restless is a choice. But so is being intentional. So is being still. So is reflecting and choosing peace.

And those things, when practiced, can overpower the restlessness.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

393 thoughts on “Honesty Hour”

  3. It really is honesty hour. Two minutes before receiving your post via email, I posted a “full disclosure” post on Facebook. It wasn’t pretty, so I will spare you and your readers the details … until I blog about it someday.
    As for the plan for your life and potential boys, one word of advice: Be careful what you wish for.
    I hope the trilogy pans out for you though.
    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 1) I did NOT know there was a boy band zombie movie coming soon! Thanks!
    2) I may be waiting for God to show me different things than you, but I am right there with ya!

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  8. I can’t relate with your health condition, but I have been suffering with anxiety. I hate it but thankfully, it has brought me closer to God. Being put in a place where you are forced to have ultimate faith in God can be one of the best things to happen to a person. I’ve had to put so much into perspective, and like you, I’m waiting for God’s will for the next chapter of my life to be shown to me. Very inspiring post! 🙂

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  9. The state of recovery, for me, is sometimes a hard place to be. I’ve had glimpses of a content, peaceful, joyful future and being the recovering addict that I am, I want it all RIGHT NOW. I guess God just does not work that way. It’s his timeframe I live in now. Like your post.

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  11. I am sorry not all is as you would like it to be right now. However, it is all in God’s own timing. He is setting the stage for when everything is to begin. And as He directs and produces the show, you will be the star!

    Sending up prayers for you!

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    1. Hi Lizzy, thank you for that. You’re right – it IS in God’s timing. Which is good and perfect. I love that thought…setting the stage and being a director. What an awesome image:) thank you for this beautiful perspective (and for the prayers)! I’m smiling falling asleep:) thanks friend. hugs and lots of love xox

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Vicki, thank you so much! Yes, patience and trusting in His timing is so tough, but there’s comfort in knowing that His plans are good. Thanks for stopping by! sending much love and hugs xox

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  13. Such an important lesson. And I think possibly the most important thing that God cares if we actually learn. That we are loved in spite of circumstances and that he truly can work though everything.

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  14. Yes God will let you know when the time Iis right to choose your destiny being patient is so hard..you have such a great ambition for life honestly you remind me so much of my son he may only be 16 but going on 20 his direction in life is a big one and like I told him if it meant and the right thing for you it will happene.so do what your doing don’t let it go but just breath stand back and see what happens hugs and have a goodnight.

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  15. Sometimes it is in the stillness of lives our hearts are prepared for the season to come.

    So hush that beautiful wandering mind, claim the peace that God is giving you and know that he is preparing only the best for you!💜

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  16. I shared the same issue in bible study 2 weeks ago and I regret it now. At 62 I still have this question. 34 years a Christian and it seems a waste. But time still remains and I do not know what that future is.

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  17. Oh babe I’m so glad you have come to this place! I couple weeks ago I was contemplating moving to a new city just because I felt restless. I wanted change. I contacted apartments, got a potential job. I was READY. However, I took a step back, evaluated where I am and realized I will be content for another year. I have two great jobs that give me wonderful benefits, good friends and my own space. I will be ok here for another year.
    That also gives me more time to plan for when I do move. All in His timing! ❤

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    1. Hey Ellie! Thanks for these kind words. Wow, sounds like you have definitely found peace! You’re right – God’s got you right where He wants you, in His time. Sounds like you’ve got a great job and life there in your city. You’re right- He’s giving you time to plan for the future, while enjoying the present. Yep yep – all in His timing. Sending hugs and love, lady! Hope you have a beautiful weekend! xox

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  18. Another beautifully written post as usual 🙂 Even though you are still disappointed that filming of one of your projects has been postponed, you nevertheless managed to look at something brighter which was a lot of the major things you have achieved as of recently 🙂 You are no longer anorexic, you have a strong relationship with God and last, but not least, you have gained a lot of friends via your blog 🙂 None of this is easy to achieve, but you have done it and that is something to be proud of 🙂 Keep up the great work as always 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi John, thank you so much for this great perspective. You’re right — I have so much to be thankful for. So very much. And yes, I am so grateful for the wonderful friendships I’ve gained on here 🙂 Thanks for being a special one of them 🙂 Have a great evening! hugs xox

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  20. Been there! Done that! Got the t-shirt. Hang in there. You’ll know that you know when God tells you what’s up. Your writing is so easy to identify with. Probably because it comes from your heart and soul.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Thank you so much for this post. I am going through the same season in life. I was actually talking to my friend today about needing to just relax (be still) and let God show me his path for my life instead of me trying to find my own. I have a propensity to sometimes get in my own way. I’m praying for you.

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    1. Hi Rob, thank you so much for the prayers. yes, being patient and waiting for His timing is always so hard. But you’re right, God’s path is the best path. Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  24. This post is all too good! First off, thank you for your willingness to be open; God knows transparency can be difficult. Secondly, with your transparency comes the opportunity to partner with the Lord and wait on him. I have a mentor that said waiting on the Lord can be one of two things. Either waiting on a decision you were initially gonna make or waiting in the sense that you minister to Him. In other words, serve in Him in such a way as to take your focus off your needs and desires. And by the way, be encouraged with the fact that he knows your needs before you utter a word. It can be tough wondering who you’re gonna open your heart to, hence the restlessness. At the same time continue trust that “[He] works all things together for the good of those he loves and who are called by his purpose.” Romans 8:28. Also each and every day is another opportunity to be brainwashed. Yep, I said brainwashed or as Paul puts it in Romans 12 renewing your mind. The second part of that verse, I believe, tends to be overlooked but Paul says WHY to renew our minds. It’s so we can be able to discern what the will of God, which is good AND perfect. Finally, continue to surrender your desires to God because he knows the intentions of the heart since all things are laid bare before Him. I just wanted to encourage you. Sorry for the long comment.

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    1. Thank you so much! You’re right, He DOES know exactly what we need before we even say a word. And we have the Holy Spirit to intercede for us when we don’t have the words. What a comfort in knowing that. And what a comfort in knowing that His plans are good and perfect. Thanks for this wonderful encouragement. hugs and love xox

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      11. You’re very welcome! We all gotta support each other. I’m hoping to get a better understanding of anorexia through reading these. Xoxo

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      14. Absolutely! I would be positively honored. Full disclosure though, it’s 1:37am here–I just got home from a night out with my friends and I’m dozing off to sleep right now, so I will probably not respond until tomorrow morning. BUT I would absolutely love to continue this dialogue. I just don’t want you think I didn’t respond and leave you hanging 🙈🙈🙈

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      15. Oh I gotcha. Yeah I’m in NC so that’s my time as well. I’ll understand if you don’t respond. I was wondering why you were awake.

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      17. Nniiccceeeee! 🙌🙌 The city that never sleeps right?! Haha
        So I’m in the battle of pornography. In one of your posts you mentioned what has helped you up to this point. That is replacing the lies you were hearing with the truth, or Jesus himself. That’s been my only solace, otherwise I would’ve gone crazy ending up as some perverted sicko. When I think about anorexia and the darkness that drapes the mind, I begin to think about my own struggles. Most people understand that porn is fake and disgusting. If you’ve been constantly exposed to it, then it warps your mind to believe false ideas about sex and the design of woman’s bodies. The objectifying of woman in the culture doesn’t help the one who is deep in this darkness. It has taken the light of Christ to stay afloat. My parents and mentor constantly remind me of the importance of Romans 12:1-2 and renewing my mind. Before I was so wrapped up in a woman’s looks. Now I challenge myself to notice something about her character. Or maybe even remind her that she has pretty eyes (as you do as well, awesome color) or that she’s a great mother. Ok sorry if I’m rambling.

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      18. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m glad you’ve found freedom from the bondage of addiction in Christ. Christ was 100% the source of my recovery. You’re absolutely right-you’ve got to fill your mind with things that are good, pure, right, lovely, true, aka Christ. Reading this, it reminded me of another post I think you might find resonates with you: “Stopping the Freight Train” – it’s on the home page. I’m writing this from my phone so i can’t get a link. But gosh, I’m sending you a big hug right now. There is so much freedom in Christ. We all have things in our past that are less-than-lovely. Praise God that He rescued us from those places. Porn, eating disorders, other addictions, rage, jealousy, gambling -whatever it is, we ALL need His saving power in our lives. I commend you for the courage to share this and put that part of your life behind you. I will definitely keep you and your journey in my prayers☺️

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      19. Thank you… umm… can I get your name? Not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m John and I too will be keeping you lifted! ✌❤ ❤

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      21. Ok Shweet! It’s totally understandable. I got a shout out coming your way. And the freight train post was awesome, so much so that I reblogged. I appreciate it. I have an incredible weekend!

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  25. Wow! What a really good read in the morning (In my country 😀 ) He is always at work, goodness and mercy shall follow us everywhere! I see that you have becoming more vurnerable in your every post. Keep it going sister!

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    1. Hey Nathanael, thank you for these kind words! amen to that, He is ALWAYS at work. And what a comfort to know that His mercy endures forever. Thanks for the encouragement friend. Sending hugs and love! happy Friday!

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  26. God’s timing indeed! I was thinking, as I was reading, that God has positioned you exactly where He wants you to be. The Holy Spirit will give you peace and comfort in the time of waiting.

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  27. God did not pull the rug out from under you. God is not a puppetier making everything thing work just so. Free will always comes into play. God is there for you whatever may come your way

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  28. I hear you! Waiting is the hardest thing we’re asked to do. It’s not in our nature. I don’t know your view of discerning God’s will, but the older I get, the simpler I think this is. He wired you a certain way, and you are going to have to listen hard to your wiring and honor it. What will you make of this precious life you’ve been given? He’ll be with you on your grand adventure. You’ll know what to do if you trust you and trust Him. If you make mistakes, He can work with that as well. Pressure’s off to get it exactly “right.” (I am not talking about sin here but morally equivalent life choices.) It’s also good to listen to good counsel, especially if a number of trusted people are warning you against the same thing. Here’s a literally 25-second simplification of the mystery of answering God’s calls by Tim Keller: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8EMWytDnLY
    Very best to you!

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    1. Hi Laura! Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. You’re right. Waiting. is. hard! You offer some really helpful and wise insight and perspective. thank you for that. You’re right, He will be with me on this grand adventure of life. Thanks for stopping by and for passing along the video! hugs and love xox

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  29. so powerful! God has a plan for everyone and it’s just waiting patiently for Him to show us! best of luck to your future and praying for a peaceful year for you! make it great!

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  30. This is so beautiful. You are such a gem! I feel you, for I’ve been there but not as fortunate as you are, I was not totally in the Lord like you are. Trust your gut instinct and measure everything with the word of God. As Laura wrote, good counsel will do you good. Learn to live life fully in the moment, enjoy what you’ve been blessed with for now. There is more on the horizon friend. Keep hope alive. Peace unto you!

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    1. Aw, thank you so much for this encouraging comment! You’re right, living in the moment is so important. and YES! everything with the Word of God. Thank you for stopping by! sending hugs and love xox

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  31. My dear friend you want to move to Canada because your troubles but can it won’t solve anything. I want to move to the US and you want to move to Canada really? Let me tell you some of the upsides of living in Canada although there is free healthcare are taxes are 13%. I know you are a smart woman and God will look after your needs. If you claim to be a child of his then believe what he says that you are more precious to him than silver and gold. Have a blessed day and night think it not strange that we go through the fiery trials Herbalife where are you not in doing good. Always look to Jesus for he shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. God knows what you need before you ask. Read Matthew chapter 6

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      3. You should know me better than that diverts you joke about the great land of maple syrup flannel t-shirts and of course overpriced Dentistry mainly due to the missing teeth of Canadian hockey players. Joking aside friend continue to walk in faith. I want you to know this no matter what television shows you made acting roles you may play in a movie you can affect the lives of many people however your blog can affect many more lives when the cameras stop rolling. You doing a wonderful job with this blog and I encourage you greatly to keep it up

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      5. One should never joke about the great land of maple syrup flannel t-shirts an overpriced Dentistry due to missing teeth of Canadian hockey players. Joking aside my friend although you made me famous on television and on film sets and your actions as an actress may affect many however know this your blog can affect many more people when the cameras stop rolling. Keep up the good work and I’ll be praying for you as always your brother in Christ Anthony

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      7. You are a very popular woman. I know this because somehow I seem to be getting all your emails when people comment on your post. I know we’re friends but I didn’t know where was that close. From 3:30 a.m. 2 1030 I have received 345 emails give or take a few regarding your post

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      9. No problem at all my friend you’re a joy to have as a friend. I don’t know if you know this but your blog is fulfilling the scripture in Mark chapter 15 verse 16. Go ye into all the nations and preach the gospel. That’s what this blog is doing and because you have sent your dad and your devotionals you have put a face with the smile of God himself and of course me because I love reading them as well. Keep smiling there lady you’re terrific.

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  32. John Lennon said that life is what happens to you while you’re making plans. I’m not a big fan of his philosophy but that little gem is quite relevant. And I think the same thing applies in the will of God, as you’ve written. He gets done what he wants done whether we’re aware of it or not, and whether we like it or not

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  37. Wow… Thank you for this. Exactly the emotions I’m feeling! 🙂 Blessings dear and keep looking to God the author and perfector of our faith.

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  38. As long as you believe in yourself, you will find romance and oppotunities in your chosen profession. It comes down to faith, persistence and passion for life.

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  39. There is a musical artist, Marie Miller, who sings a song she wrote, entitled, “6’2.” It’s kind of a prayer to God – it follows the prayer, where she gives God a list of “preferences,” in a mate, and the song goes through her changes as time goes by and her “wants,” are not met.

    I was humming that as I read your article!! Eventually, His will and His desires for us will be revealed – in His time.

    Love your perspective!!

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      1. Caroline, This is Judy Corriveau. I doubt you will remember me. I’m a fellow blogger. A couple years ago, you inspired me to add you to my very short list of heroes. I’ve been thinking and praying for you a lot lately. There is something I would like to share with you. I don’t even know if you will receive this message as it seems there may be a great demand on your time. But I hope we can connect somehow. My phone number is 780 778-0029 or my email address is djdktscorriveau@outlook.com. God bless you & forgive me if I spelled your name wrong. Hope to hear from you.

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      2. Thank you so much Judy. I am so honored and humbled that you would put me on your list! What a kind thing. Hugs and love xox

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      3. Wow you really are amazing, replying to every comment is commendable. I live in Alberta, Canada. So we have 2 time zones between us. Feel free to check out my Facebook page. Judith Corriveau. I’m interviewing my business mentor today at 1pm MST if you are at all curious. My lives are public.

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  41. Repent any recent sins, forgive all of other’s transgressions and praise The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Then, ask Jesus to reveal what it is that God wants you to do. God puts passions in your heart and if they are in keeping with his goodness then God will prosper them. Bless you and let us know how you go.

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  42. I am thanking you for sharing this! I personally needed this a little bit at this moment in my life. We all are wondering if God forget about us and will he ever put us in the direction we hope for. I’m soooo happy you look at it in another light.
    Xoxo, Lady Sergine

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    1. Aw thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words! I just have to find peace knowing that though I do not know what, when, where, why or how, Gods plan is absolutely perfect and good. Thanks for stopping by Lady Sergine! Hugs and love xox

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  43. Sweetie, I love, absolutely LOVE reading your posts:)

    I got the boy. I have the family. And yet, my heart is still restless.

    Your longing is for God. You may not realize it yet, but it’s true. After the pieces fall where they are meant to, your heart will remain restless. It’s part and parcel of our Love for God.

    Blessings to you on your journey towards Him:)

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  44. God is directing your every step friend. His plan for you includes the now. He has given you a talent or two (your blog and the other things you are doing at the moment) and He is watching how faithful you are with the one or two talents He has given you so He can give you more. (He wants to give you more!) As you have been faithful He will give you more and more….So all I am trying to say is, He is faithful and He can be trusted. Your future is bright and He will come through for you!
    Keep on asking, keep on seeking, and continue dreaming big!
    God bless you

    Rolain

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    1. Hi Rolain, thank you so much for this encouragement. You’re so right- God is the author of our lives. And we just have to trust in His perfect timing. And amen to that: He CAN be trusted! 🙌 thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  45. I am thrilled to have found your blog. My gosh–we are on similar roads in different parts of town. I feel like I just read an entry from a kindred spirit. Recover(ing) Ana…considering Canada…completely shot bracket…boy band affecionado, and last but not least, WAITING for God to reveal His will for my life, but feeling terribly distracted from meeting Him halfway at the moment. I just lifted up a quick prayer for you. Godspeed!

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  46. Awwww…this is lovely!

    I totally love the fact that your writing is God-based *Amen* The Lord will perfect all that concerns you in Jesus’ Name.

    I’m glad I found your awesome blog 🙂

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  47. God’s plan for you is in your final positive conclusions. Life is lived daily, and you are making each one count, doing what you are, being a blessing to many, the best you can. Many times in my life, I have looked back and seen what happened was right, even when I never understood it at the time. Sometimes, I learned the hard way, that any thing he’s not in will bring heartache. Such a sensitive soul as yours will hear, when the time is right, and your Abba father, will have no trouble making it obvious. God Bless and Shalom.

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    1. Hi there friend! Wow, thank you for such kind and encouraging words. It really means a lot. You’re so right-His plan is good and perfect and he will reveal it when the time is right. What a comfort. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  48. What is the equivalent motto in English? Help yourself and Heaven will help you. As long as you do what’s good for you I think He will give you the extra help. 😉

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  49. You have a very inspiring blog here, and I am glad that you have decided to invest your time in something so great! I know that God will show you His plan for you. God always blesses those that serve Him.

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  50. Wow! I am SO sorry for the frustration and disappointment of your postponed trilogy. Even though it sounds like you were cautiously optimistic, it must still be quite the let down. But, once more, your grace and wisdom are absolutely refreshing!

    I can relate to so much of what you wrote here! Every SINGLE day, sometimes all day long, I pray to God, “Please just show me the path you want me to follow. Show me who you want me to be.” I feel as though my future is this fuzzy, obscure, veiled, shadowy mystery, and I just can’t get there because God “refuses” to show me the way. Except that’s not God’s style! He doesn’t refuse us! Every time I start feeling that way I remind myself, “Wait a minute, this is IT! This IS God answering my prayer right now. It just looks nothing like what I expect.” I wrote a blog post about it last year. https://realadventuresofbecomingme.wordpress.com/2015/10/10/the-drift/

    At that time, I felt like I was pretty directionless, but whenever I prayed about it, I would feel this sense that my purpose was still recovery. Suddenly, just within the last month, things are all changing at work and in my life. It’s quite chaotic, and it looks like there are many personal and professional changes coming in my immediate and long term future. In some ways, this is what I prayed for, but I’m still no more clear on which direction I’m supposed to follow (which is giving me an ulcer!) I know that this is part of God’s plan, but I also miss those drifting days! It just makes me laugh at myself (in my better moments, when I’m not breathing into a brown paper bag). It’s a good thing that God is watching over me, because it’s abundantly clear that I don’t know what’s best!

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    1. Hi Lulu! Aw thank you for these encouraging words. Yeah a little disappointing to say the least. But you’re so right – God is always leading us towards His path, we just sometimes can’t recognize it. How exciting about the upcoming changes! Though I’m sorry they’re giving you an ulcer! Oh no! I will definitely life you up in prayer. And I look forward to checking out that post. Thanks for passing it along! Sending love and hugs my friend! Xoxo

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