My heart is heavy today*.
I woke up this morning to learn that a dear friend, and radiant member of the BBB community, passed away suddenly. She had been battling against the repugnant monster that is anorexia, and it stole her life, way way too soon.
She was radiant in every sense of the word: encouraging, loving, faithful, kind, funny, and truly a warrior.
There is comfort knowing that she is in the sweet embrace of Jesus, without pain and in complete peace. My prayers are with her family in this devastating time.
This harrowing and tragic news really hit me hard. I couldn’t shake it. Not only because we were close, but also because it hit so close to home.
It was a grave reminder that anorexia kills.
It is not some punchline to a joke, or an easy dig on a podcast to get a cheap laugh.
It is a mental illness that has the highest mortality rate among all mental disorders.
This isn’t going to be some soap box for mental illness awareness. Even though it just so happens to be Mental Illness Awareness Week.
I don’t know why bad things happen. Why God allows tragic events to take place. Why we lose loved ones, or get a bad diagnosis. Why there’s infidelity, abandonment, abuse. Why there are shootings, natural disasters, plane crashes. Why does He spare some and not others? I simply do not know.
And it is in times like this where it is easy to shake our fists at God and doubt His existence, doubt His goodness.
And to be honest, that can feel good – Let out all the emotions we have inside. Manifest the hurt and sorrow we feel in rage at the One who supposedly “made it happen.”
Where were you? How could you? Why? Don’t you care? Why didn’t you…Why couldn’t you…Don’t you care at all?
I can’t answer those questions. I don’t think any of us will ever know the answers until we meet our Maker face to face one day.
But I do know that we live in a terribly broken world. One where there are tragedies out there. Not that God plans, but that are a result of the fact we don’t live in the Garden.
We’re not in this alone.
I’m not going to lie, typing these words tonight, it’s taking all of my strength to say these things, as I am so angry and hurt that God called his daughter back to Him so soon. But I have to muster all I can to truly believe that He is in control and He is good.
And there is one image that has been put on my heart, so I will share it.
Imagine a child who is tremendously angry and hurt. She runs to her father and He lifts her up. And she’s furiously kicking and pounding His big strong chest with her little fists. Just getting out all her rage and fury and sadness and everything – until she can’t fight anymore and just collapses in His arms in exhaustion. But she doesn’t fall, because she’s in His arms – just like a little Raggedy Ann doll.
He wants to uphold us. He wants to soothe our hurting spirits. He wants to be our strength. Our lifeline. Our comforter.
Maybe you’re in the kicking and screaming phase of something in your life. Maybe you’ve been in that phase for a long time.
He’s got you.
He is holding you, bearing the force of your cries and anger. He’s taking it, and is loving you through it. We just have to stop for a minute to hear His soothing voice.
There’s nothing flashy today. No funny puns or cat gifs.
But even amidst sorrow, there is still hope. Because my friend is free. Free from the pain. Free from the fear. And she is dancing with Jesus tonight in Heaven.
In tragedy, we just have to remember that Jesus was, and is, and is to come.
And He has known suffering. He has walked it. And there is nothing that we’re going through that He hasn’t also gone through. And He is right beside us in our grief, crying with us.
Let Him console you.
*Written Thursday, May 25
374 responses to “Sweet Angel”
Love this post, and I’m so sorry to hear what happened. Hugs
Thank you Tammy. That really means a lot❤️ hugs to you too xox
Thanks Drew. I appreciate that. Hugs right back to you xox
Wonderful post and tribute. I’m so sorry … so very sorry for the loss of your dear friend.
Thank you my friend. I really appreciate the love and support. Hugs to you xox
This is really beautiful. I am sorry for your pain and anguish. I remember the first time I ever heard about Anorexia. It was that Karen Carpenter the singer had it, and died from it. I actually didn’t realize until that point that a person could conceivable starve themselves to death voluntarily. I thought and still think that it was a terrible tragedy. She had such a beautiful voice and it was a voice full of life so it just didn’t make any sense. I once had a friend who committed suicide and I remember how unreal it all felt. These events are heartbreaking and there is no other word for it. My friend never really smiled in all the time I knew him his smiles looked like any moment he was going to cry. I have never (thankfully) seen anyone smile like that since who wasn’t actually crying over something. He felt that no one loved him, but mostly I believe that he never learned to love himself. He was in his early 20’s. I am so sorry for you and for your friend’s family.
Thanks Charlene. I really appreciate that. Yes, prayers for her family. You’re absolutely right-it is a terrible terrible tragedy. I’m sorry you had to watch your friend go through that. reminders of just how important it is to share love with every person, for we’re all fighting battles in some form or another. Thanks for the love my friend xox
Beautiful post. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.
Thank you friend. I appreciate that. Sending hugs and love to you xox
My condolences to you!
Thank you Jenny. It means a lot ❤️
I am sorry. God hears you and is pleased with your great love. Your post and tribute is beautiful. Prayers…
Hi Elizabeth, thank you for this encouragement. It’s times like this where we must cling to Him. Hugs to you friend xox
Condolences be unto you for the death of your friend. May peace, the perfect peace of the end to all trial and travail be upon her.
Hi Paul, thank you so much. Amen to that. that beautiful peace with the Father. Hugs and love xox
My heart breaks with yours. I recently lost my sister, suddenly & unexpectedly to addiction. I know it’s not exactly the same yet there are similarities. Both girls taken too soon. Love, hugs and strength to you.
Hi friend. Oh gosh I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so tragic to lose the ones we love. Sending love and prayers for you and your family xoxo
Reblogged this on WerdyNerdyNDirty.
And thank you for the reblog. Hang in there friend ❤️
So sorry for your loss, BBB.
Hi FiN, thank you for the support. It really means s lot. Sending hugs. Xox
I am so sorry hon for your loss I’m sure your sick of hearing this.Thinking of you , stay strong….sometimes as much life can be beautiful it can be unfair. and yes only God knows why ..hugs.
Thank you for this. You’re right-it leaves is wondering why. But I have to trust that God is good and is in control. And His mercy and goodness will uphold us. Thanks again for the support and hugs. Xox
Stay strong Hon Hugs.
So sorry to hear this. I love the way you expressed yourself and emphasized the fact that anorexia kills. My thoughts and prayers are with you .
Thank you for this. I really appreciate the prayers. You’re right, anorexia is a serious illness. I appreciate your kindness. Hugs and love xox
I’m sorry to hear of your loss. You’re right. Jesus is holding your friend close to His heart. I know that he’s holding you close to his heart. I will pray for your friend and her family.
Thank you Jonas. Yeah, I trust that she is in perfect peace with the King in His arms. Yes, let’s pray for her family❤️ hugs and love my friend xox
It’s awful that this tragedy is such an important reminder to so many (myself included) fighting against the eating disorder. The mortality rate of anorexia seems so much more real once there’s a life attached to it. I’m sure this seemed an impossible post to write, but you did it beautifully, and I hope you know how helpful it is to so many of us.
Hi Bridgette, thank you for the support. Your so right- statistics become much more real when it touches a friend. I so appreciate your kind words. Means a lot. Hugs and love to you xox
❤️ hugs to you friend. Thank you for the support. Xox
Im so sorry to hear this. Warm comfort to you and all who knows her.
Thank you so much friend. Yes, especially her family. So much love to them. Thanks for the support. Hugs and love xox
Sister, loved by God. Words can fail during times like this so ill simply say I am so sorry to read of the loss of your friend. Even in this pain I’m so thankful you have the peace that she is with Jesus. Praying that God will be your comfort <3
Thank you so much kiiimby. Yes, I have to trust that she’s wrapped in His loving arms right now. Thank you for the support. Sending hugs and love xox
I am so sorry for your loss
Thank you Laura. That really means a lot. Sending hugs and love xox
My sincere condolences to you for your loss. GOD is a Loving God. At least your friend didn’t suffer some long, horrible, drawn out disease…..BG>
Such a loss for this world. It hits so close to home, and reminds one of Gods grace, healing. My eyes well with tears for you my love. Know The Lord never gives us more tan we can handle, and that we are all praying for her family – and you. 💜
It is terrible when we lose someone who is close to us from illness. I am so sorry for your lost. I lost a very close family member this year too because they were very sick. I’m still having a hard time with accepting that this family member is not here anymore but I know that they are in a better place free from the pain that they had been struggling with for years. Beautiful post. Sending hugs to you. Take care <3
I certainly hope I am not being contrarian and I’m certainly not trying to be. However, I’ve learned one thing in regard to life. It is not God doing or not doing. The heavens are partnership based. It is our decisions that determine outcomes. God gave man dominion in the garden and it’s been that way ever since. We need to understand the laws of the universe and work within them in order to create positive outcomes. Prayer is a small part of that. Positioning ourselves as an act of faith plays a much larger role.
God doesn’t take us. We make decisions and God often follows through on our decisions, guiding and influencing our thoughts for the positive along the way. Very few get to the point where they listen, where they ask a question in the Spirit and then wait for and hear the still small voice. Without that kind of direction, we are on autopilot, exercising our dominion with God following through according to our direction and will.
Hi friend, I appreciate this perspective. Free will is a difficult concept to grasp, especially in situations like this. I have to trust in His goodness. Sending hugs and love xox
Hugs and love to you Beauty. You will need them today.
If your friend was sick and kept moving in that direction, she was making a choice in her soul. Alrighty does not deny these requests. He warns against them, but we always remain sovereign in our choices on this earth plane.
I hope for your healing in the aftermath. <3
I’m so sorry
Thank you so much Lisa. I really appreciate it. hugs and love to you xox
I am deeply sorry for your great loss of your friend. Praying for comfort, peace and understanding. Love and hugs. Stay strong.
Thank you, Susan, for your prayers and support. Much appreciated. sending hugs and love back to you xox
Very sorry to hear about the death of your close friend. I don’t pretend to know it all but with the experiences I have had, I understand that God is all good, all knowing and all merciful. What seems so harsh to us is all good in God’s eyes, God knew what was ahead for your friend and at that point, He decided enough!!! I will take over now! I know you feel the pain because you will miss her. But take comfort that He is in control. I know that God doesn’t stop evil from happening but all bad things happen because of the choices of men, not God. God is allowing us to live our lives as we chose it. Many people don’t understand the bigger picture , they want everything now, not caring about the suffering others will have to go through to deliver it. Politics, the economy, greed, drugs, breakdown of family values, hedonism, relativism, secularism………… all these things separate us from God and then life becomes very cloudy and all these things cause us problems either directly or indirectly. Take care and ask Jesus to take away all pain and fear and to replace it with peace, joy and excitement and know that you are a child of God, the most High.
Thank you so much for this reflection. Yes, He is control. I just have to trust and have faith in His goodness, even when it may seem confusing. Peace and joy from Him, for sure. Thank you again for the support. It means a lot. hugs and love xox
It’s amazing that one day all of God’s children, will one day be free, dancing in the beauty of his wonders and love. No matter our sins. God’s grace and love is above everything. Something we will never truly understand until we meet him. Very well said! Mental illness, anger, and all the why’s of this world is something I have dealt with my entire life. But I hold on to the fact, that one day god will reveal all.
Hi Ell, you’re so right – dancing in His wondrous love. thank you for this beautiful note of encouragement. Yes He will. hugs and love xox
Your so very welcome! That’s what God wants from us all, to love and show the kindness his son did the short time he had here on earth, to everyone. I am actually happy for your friend. She gets to be with the all knowing, loving father like you said embraced in his arms for eternity. 🙂
Amen to that. We are to love others just as He loved us. And what a comfort to know that we will all be together one day with the King. Thanks again xox
Respect for this.
Thank you friend. I appreciate it. Hugs to you xox
Hugs full of love to you as well.
I’m so sorry for your loss. <3
Thank you friend. Your support and kindness really mean a lot. Hugs to you xox
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved friend. I remember the pull and grip of an eating disorder that steals joy and hope. I thank Jesus she is free in His arms. Thank you for continuing to shine the light in a dark place. Thank you for reminding others of the goodness of God. Your words produce strength. Great big hugs, love and blessings friend ❤️
Thank you for this, friend. Yes-in His arms and free from ED. That is what I trust. Thank you for the support. hugs and love xox
I prayed for her at Exeter mosque. So sad. I am witnessing demise of someone as well. So hard. She can’t do it. But I pray. I pray for her mercy and grace
Thank you so much for the prayers, Maha. It means a lot. I’m sorry your loved one is suffering. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers. Sending hugs and love xox
I will keep on praying
While I very seldomly write comments, of course here I felt quite compelled to write at least a little something.
First, please allow me to extend my condolences and respects. Bless your friend’s beautiful Spirit, may she rest in Peace; and Bless your beautiful heart.
Next, although I cannot claim exactly to be Christian, I would still like to offer an idea, an offering like the rest of the folks here, of and in kindness and care.
Just prior to our taking on physical forms, we looked at this life, this space, and decided we wanted to give it a try, because the best way to learn about something is to live it. God, in this case, is our Best Friend, the One who knows how things will go but gives the freedom to explore, experience and learn, and perhaps we might share with others something of Good in the course of that learning. He is there, patiently, kindly, lovingly, knowing that along the way there will be those difficult times because learning can be difficult and painful. He waits until you need Him and then He’s there to give comfort and reassurance and all what else we might need to continue on our learning journey.
I send to you prayers and good thoughts for Blessings of Healing, Peace and Light.
Cap’n Toni Old Boi Night Fish with my Coco and Maya pups and All the Animal Kids of the lil Haus….
Hi Capn Toni, thank you for this kind note. Yes, we are all on a journey of learning-which can sometimes be very painful. Thank you for this support. Sending hugs and love xox
We will pay a tribute to her on Islam and Eating Disorders.
That would be wonderful. Thank you ❤️
I am so sorry.
Thank you, Rose, for your kindness and support. I really appreciate it. Hugs and love xox
Beautifully written! Prayers }}}‼️‼️‼️
Thank you friend. I really appreciate the prayers. Hugs and Love xox
Sorry about your lost. Your post brought me some comfort. I lost my mom over a month ago. Still trying to understand why so soon! But wouldn’t dare question God. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much my friend. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I’m sending you a big big hug through the screen. I know, it’s hard to understand His timing. But I take comfort knowing that we will all be together again one day. Thanks for sharing your heart my friend. Hugs and love xox
Sorry to hear of this terrible loss. But the encouragement from your post is wonderful. BTW there is a book by C.S. Lewis where he grapples with why terrible things may happen. The title is The Problem with Pain. Peace and comfort to you.
Thank you so much for this. The Problem With Pain. I’ll definitely check it out. CS Lewis is such a wise and powerful writer. Thanks for passing it along. Sending hugs and love xox
My prayers are with you and her family. May the angels accompany her to heaven and may perpetual light shine upon her.
Thank you so much. That really means a lot. Amen to that. In peace with Him. Hugs and love xox
I’m so sorry for your loss.. prayers go out to you and her family.
Thank You so much my friend. That really means a lot. Hugs and love xox
Also, your blog is very encouraging and inspiring. Keep writing
I’m so sorry for your loss. May the Lord enfold you with his gentle arms of comfort.
Thank you so much for this Elihu. In His arms is a place of comfort and peace. Thanks for the support. Hugs and love xox
My condolences to your dear friend. We must always try to remind ourselves that God allows some things to happen for a reason, and even when we’re mad at Him or when we feel like He isn’t near, He is always there. I’m so sorry – sending my prayers.
Thank you so much for the support and prayers. You’re right, He is always there. Amen to that. Hugs and love xox
Well written. Deeply sorry for your loss and pain.
I always figured God has big shoulders and thick skin and so can handle our anger and frustration. Good thing
Thank you Lance. That really means a lot. Hah, yeah I think you’re right. He can take it. Good thing indeed. Thanks for the support. hugs and love xox
I’m so sorry to hear this. Once again, your work confirms how beautiful you are in honoring this loved one! <3 <3 <3 xoxo
Thank you Migueltio. That really means a lot. I’m lucky to have great friends like you. Hugs and love xox
Hugs and love ya much!! xox <3
<3 <3 <3
Chutzpah. We find faith in our losses. All of them.
Hi friend, i think you’re definitely right. thank you so much for the support. it means a lot. hugs and love xox
Life is like even a vapor, appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Be strong and still. She will be fine. The greatest thing you did to her was to become her friend and that’s already priceless. God bless.
Thank you for this, friend. I appreciate your support. It means a lot. hugs and love xox
Jeremiah wrote his “Lamentations.” You have written yours. “Even though He slay me, still will I praise Him.” – Job
Continue to share your message, your heart, your love… God is using you even as you grieve. Blessings
Hey there Wayne, it’s always so nice to “see” your face pop up on my screen. Thank you for this encouraging note. It means a lot. Yes, we must praise Him, even in the storm. I think there’s a song about that ;). hugs and love to you friend xox
Your post is heartbreakingly beautiful, keep writing- 8 years ago, myself and about 10 others were going through a season of loss, we did a Bible Study by email which eventually I published after 4 years of study! The writing, the telling, the Word brought us through to a greater appreciation for God’s Love when we don’t understand Him! Praying for you and the loved ones of your friend.
Thank you Camellia. I really appreciate your kind words and support. that’s so great that you were able to find a support network during that time. You’re right – even though we don’t always understand, he does. and i have to trust in His goodness. thanks for stopping by. hugs and love xox
A very beautiful post. My condolences on your loss. <3
Thank you so much Anna. I appreciate your support. Hugs and love xox
I’m so sorry your friend died:'(
This is a beautiful post, I absolutely love it! I can relate 100% to getting mad at God, and that it takes all the strength you can muster to get back to Him.
Thankyou for spreading love and hope (H)
Thank you so much for your support and kind words. It really means a lot. Yes, we have to do all we can to get back to Him. hugs and love xox
Heartbreaking, yet hopeful. Because of the confidence. Thank you.
Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. Hugs and love xox
I’m so sorry to hear this! Prayers for you and her family!
Thank you so much for the prayers. That really means a lot. Hugs and love xox
I am so sorry for your loss. You are coming out of this stronger than before.
Thank you Judith. That really means a lot. I appreciate your support.
I’m so sorry your friend lost her struggle. Your post is beautifully written and touching. May your memories of her bring you solace, peace, and understanding.
Thank you so much for this. It really mean a lot. She was a beautiful person. Hugs and love xox
Well, Beebs, schizophrenics die, too. I was coloring beside a girl one day chatting as we went. The next day she was dead. Hung herself in the shower with her shoelaces. Schizophrenia kills, too. I don’t mean to make fun. That’s not my point. There are times that suicide and I have become quite closely acquainted, and it’s not on account that life is hard, but sometimes rather the logic works backwards and creates extraordinary solutions to big problems, solutions that society punishes! I don’t know your friend. I don’t know you. But I did know the girl who colored and chatted me and died. Everywhere was darkness and depression for two or three days. Maybe more. I keep trying to tell everybody that life will be better when it doesn’t exist, but people think that’s just illogical. I don’t think so. When it’s all over, it can’t get any worse. But what do I know? I’m just a slave to my thoughts. Open the door. Close it again. Let the bad emotions out. Begin again. Go to the edge of the universe and beyond. Sit down in a place where sadness is not allowed. Come back when you want. Freedom to be when and who and how you choose to be. (We’ll all be better off dead.)
Hi Daniel, I’m sorry you feel that way. And I’m sorry that you had to experience that. How truly tragic. The loss of a life is devastating. I’m sorry that you feel enslaved to your thoughts. I did too-not in a suicidal way, but ED’s voice is dark and makes you believe you are unworthy and unlovable. But then God walked in. I don’t want to preach to you, I don’t think that is something you would appreciate. But I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep tonight without telling you that there is freedom from that darkness. Freedom in Christ. And I can say that because I experienced it first hand. You don’t have to feel that way anymore. You can live in His love. Anyway, preaching over. I am sorry that your coloring friend took her life. There are no words for how much that hurts my heart. If you ever want to talk about it more, I would be happy to hear your story and listen. Hugs and love xox
Well, Beebs, I never pass up an invitation. I could explain, and I probably will. I wish I could and make it understandable, too, but usually I can’t and choose to go cryptic in my explanations. Symbolic, cryptic, enigmatic, whatever…I’ll try to avoid that if only to rid your pleas that I turn to your Jesus. I don’t discount him for you or anyone else, but the only explanation I can make to satisfy my life is to do without. I made a mistake (after others also), but this mistake was different. I crossed a boundary an invisible line. I crossed a line I should not have crossed. The middle of the street. Power, witchcraft ruled me ever after. Not of me. Of the one and ones who gained power over me. Thereafter, no matter how I sought, there was no salvation for me, no forgiveness for crossing that line. And there isn’t and won’t, that is to say, won’t ever be. I will never be forgiven of that. Death is sweet to the damned. Death is sweet to the unforgiven and unforgiveable. My hope to die and end this mess. Always. My one hope. To die. Witchcraft is ugly, terrible, and unkind. Its effects are brutal and never leave for a moment’s peace. As Isaiah says, there is no peace unto the wicked, so has been my life. The witchcraft that outgained, the witchcraft that maimed, the witchcraft that stained me will never go away. Psychiatrists promise so many things, but their souls are as hollow as the helpful effects of their drugs. I would rather self-medicate, personally. There is no one to turn to in this crisis, not even your Jesus. I have known for many years that He is not there for me. The day came that when for me there was no forgiveness. Not only for that crossing of line, but immediately also for every mistake of my past. And so, I, like a hunted animal, run for my own safety from false accusations, from reviling tongues, from manipulative authorities, drugs, and guns. I suppose only humans gain access to your Jesus, but I don’t think after my life experience that I be human, anymore. War is all I live and all I expect, animal instinct my only escape. Like a serpent that smells, like a bat that hears, so have I become. Blindness also as animals have that they and I might become one. Humans don’t need me. The details are there, whether cops at my door or the family tell tale. Those go hand in hand BTW. As Nebuchadnezzar, I’ve learned to eat grass with the animals, and I have been given the heart and spirit of a beast only to outlast my curse, survive until I find peace. As with animals, in death. No one needs care about me. Salvation will never come. I only wait for death’s release that I might be set free from this captivity, yea, even slavery. No one is to blame. Only me. I entered that house made of candy in the woods. It was my choice. I knew it was wrong. I went, anyway. My fear of man was greater than my fear of Eternal Justice. My mistake. Doesn’t really matter. What’s done is done. Things are what they are. One mistake ended hope forever for me. Go ahead. Try to reclaim me. I tell you not to, but you do it, anyway. Not long ago, your words were mine and I spoke with the same effulgent zeal. No more. Not for me. Death is my only appeal. By whatever means. By whatever way. Does not matter. I just want it today. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and scatter a like here or there. My words last forever. All flesh is grass. The bottomless pit made it so. I fell in and kept falling, and so I’m falling so. Hell is real. I know it is. It is what I live and have been. Some say I am worse than hell. I don’t know. I suppose anyone can say what they like. I’ll be running, though, running til I die, shot dead at last by those guns. They all threaten, but all they really want to do is coerce just for fun. They want to see me run again and again and turn it all into sport. And so that’s my life. I don’t care for sport. I used to, but not anymore. My only message: Beware of witches of great promises and sly tongues. You may never be the same again. Beware of witches. Serpents they are. Serpents with heavy and terrible venomous tongues. Terrible, venomous rungs. Ladders that go down forever into the abyss deeper and deeper. Hell openeth itself without measure and swalloweth whole. There is no escape. Only survival. Or death. And so I run…
Hi Dan, it breaks my heart that you feel that way. Again, I don’t want to “go there” again, but I just want you to hear that there is absolutely nothing you could have done that Jesus wouldn’t forgive you for. People, not so much. We are a fallen people, and we hold grudges, fail to forgive, are mean — but not so with Jesus. There is no invisible line that you crossed. He annihilated that line when He went to the cross for you and me. Anyways, that’s all. My heart goes out to you, friend. xox
I’m glad you understand things so well, because I sure don’t. Nevertheless, it is hard for me to be base my life on your experience. I would rather base it on my own.
I understand and respect that ❤️
I have been deceived my whole life and brainwashed by a Satanic cult. It is hard for me to be trusting now.
that breaks my heart. just know that there is freedom in Him. You don’t have to stay in that darkness. There is life and light to be had. You are wanted in that freedom. You would be welcomed and received with open arms. I promise. That would be His deepest joy, to have His son back.
I trust more in cranking the volume on Five Finger Death Punch “Nemesis” than any church or religion. I’m a black hole. You really probably oughtta walk away. I’ve already destroyed a trail of collateral damage everywhere I’ve been for the last 15 years. I never walk away. I sink my teeth in deep. Those that can should get away. I don’t mean to threaten, and it’s not a threat. It’s the past that I’ve lived. A long series of religious leaders, brothers, sisters, parents, “friends,” psychiatrists, counselors, police, that I have left wounded along the way. It’s not gonna slow. I only go faster and faster, adapt more and more, become meaner and meaner. I gain strength and intelligence every day. Again, my point is not to spread fear, but simply acknowledge my past and experiences. I try to share wisdom, and wisdom dictates that people stay out of my way. In the end, I’m just a blubbering fool with no guiding star. And that’s all I’ll ever be until I die. May death come quickly! I have oft repeated to many to kill me and put me out of their misery, because I really can do this forever. They never listen. They speak of love as though captivity were love. I would rather open up all the cages in all the world and let the animals run free. I consider the lion a better friend than any human. Even though that lion would probably eat me. The look that he gives me. Yet I would welcome death to living among humans. You don’t know my history. You don’t know my past. Nor how good it was until it turned all bad at once. You don’t know my thoughts. You don’t know my intents. But, really, all I care about now is survival. I don’t really care about salvation, anymore. That ship has sailed. Except…there was that vision I had one time. Maybe it means something. Maybe it doesn’t. A cream-colored rosary of beads and crucifix–all that awaited me after a long walk past two football field lengths of immaculate golden-honey rows of work tables 20 yards long each in a large warehouse. All that awaited me at the end of this tremendous walk. A cream-colored crucifix. But why? I was brought up being told that crosses and crucifixes are evil, like carrying around the weapon that killed your God as a symbol of one’s love for Him. I don’t believe any of that, anymore. Nor do I believe anything except survival as a technique, as a tool, and as a way of life. The dreams, the visions I have, though, they should, they must mean something…???
I do love Catholic music. The chants I have always loved since I first heard them. The music in the church I grew up in has always sounded like a funeral, never like actual worship. Nevertheless, where I live was founded by the religion I grew up in, and that religion to this day maintains monopoly of politics, business, and pastimes in this area.
Beebs, I just wanna be frank here. I made a mistake when I was 20. I crossed a line I wasn’t supposed to. After that, though I pled, though I tried to re-create and do right, repair as many times as necessary, never was I ever forgiven of that. Not only that, but all mistakes of my past for which I had felt and obtained forgiveness were also dumped upon me. My only out now is to claim I am perfect and fight anybody who denies it. Otherwise, hell. Because, for some reason, I cannot be forgiven.
In the name of Y’shua, I do pray for your freedom, Daniel Peterson. Peace be with you.
Paz a todos menos a mí. No descansaré hasta ver justicia contra los que me han azotado durante 15 años seguidos y sin falta y sin piedad ni bondad ni amor. ¡No descansaré hasta ver justicia por ese error! No descansaré hasta ver el cambio de este mundo de terror. Noches sin dormir. Drogas hasta morir. Casi. Casi. Pero no. Policía como lobos y religión con espada en cada mano a mi contra. Familia de puercoespinas que pican al acercar. Cocodrilos por vecinos y Serpeintes por amigos. Serpientes venenosas que pican con cada expresión de amor. Mas falsos que los dientes que quienes vivan en este edificio menor.
No, senor. (Perdona, mi gramatica es malo y mi computadora no escriben en espanol.) Paz a todos. Descansare en Christo, el maestro justicia. La noche no es tu casa. Viven en la dia! En Jesus Christo, viven en libre.
La Libertad se gana por luchar.
I once thought the same, but only through surrender will you experience freedom. The choice is yours, but Christ came to free all. I was once a slave to my mind – OCD and demonic influence took over my thoughts and filled them with horrible things. I believed that Christ was real, but I did not truly trust Him with all that I was.
Surrender…..that is what I had to do, and I did. Though life is still imperfect, I am no longer a slave to fear. Christ is my master, and through Him I have been given freedom. No one is beyond redemption, but you have to accept that gift.
No, thanks. I have another God. Thanks, anyway, though.
So sorry for the loss of your friend.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support. It means a lot. Hugs and love xox
Words are inadequate to express the sorrow you feel in your heart right now. Prayers for the Holy Spirit to wrap you in his comfort, drying your tears.
Thank you so much, my friend. That truly means so much. I have to trust that, though I don’t understand it, God is good. Thanks for this. Hugs and love xox
This is a beautiful, hearfelt post. I can’t even imagine how much you must be hurting right now. 🙁 May God be with you to comfort you.
Thank you so much my friend. That means the world. ❤️Sending hugs and love xox
You’re welcome. 🙂
So sorry for your loss. Your post as usual though is thoughtful and an encouragement.
I have been visiting someone dying from cancer. When I first met him a week ago, he was in great pain and angry and fearful. He felt that he had left too much undone in his life. A few days later, he accepted Jesus as Lord. When I visited him yesterday, he was a changed person. Still in pain and yet able to smile through it but most of all, he has found hope and peace. His whole attitude to his situation has changed and in turn, even his once distraught family has found peace. I know these words can sound hollow but I can only assure you that you can feel the difference when you are there. God bless.
Thank you so much for this. Wow what a powerful story. God is good. I’ll definitely keep your friend in my prayers. Thanks again friend. Hugs and love xox
So sorry. I know this hits way too close to home. Your testimony is helping so many. Now she is with Jesus, in a place where peace, pain and judgement free rule. May you find comfort in the arms of our Lord right now.
Thank you so much for the support. I really appreciate your kind words. Yes, being with Jesus is the best place to be. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox
You are such a blessing. Your heart is full of beauty, and the ways you share it in this blog and your caring expression is a gift to us all. I am enfolding you in a nurturing, gentle virtual hug. Grace is with you in this loving of your friend, and I just see you supported with the most beautiful angels of Light. ((take care of yourself))
Thank you so much for this beautiful note of encouragement. It really means a lot. Hugs to you my friend xox
I have gotten into the habit of reading your blogs kind of like devotionals and I love it. They are real and written with edge, but also smooth and full of love pointing towards Jesus. You inspire my own writing. Thank you.
Sent from my iPhone
Hi Sarah, thank you so much for this beautiful note of encouragement. I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed reading my posts. Sending hugs and love to you my friend xox
I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for the repose of her soul, peace and comfort for you and for her family and friends. Thank you for sharing this difficult moment but you give us all the opportunity to pray for our sister in Christ. God bless you.
Hi Mike, thank you for your support. I really appreciate the prayers. Yes, I trust that she is with Jesus right now in complete peace. Hugs and love to you friend xox
I want to say as everyone else has how sorry I am for your loss. I know how it is to struggle with an ED, and this post really shows me how easily that could’ve been me. It hurts my heart that it took your friend from you. I’m so glad you have the comfort of knowing how at peace she must be right now. I love reading your blog and am so glad God is using you x
Hey Jess, thank you for your kind words. Truly, it means a lot. Yes, at peace. And free. With Jesus. She’s in a good place. Thanks for your support. Sending big hugs xox
Light and love to you friend, sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and her family.
Thank you, friend. I appreciate it so much. Sending hugs and love xox
Love your post. I’m so sorry for your loss! 💜
Thanks Mara. I appreciate your support. It means a lot. Hugs and love xox
Life is hard to understand. Appreciate how real this blog is – suffering isn’t an easy thing. But how awesome a thing it is that Jesus, the Son of God, didn’t hold himself back from suffering. He thrust himself into it. Praise God!
Hi Jonathan, thank you for these kind words. Amen to that. God is good. Even when we don’t understand what He’a doing, his goodness prevails. Hugs and love xox
Very touching and so true 🙁 I am so sorry for your loss.. may the Lord comfort you all and give you peace.. Yes, we don’t understand everything, but we trust in His love and his goodness, knowing He will all use it for good.. and this is what keeps us going. Be blessed
Thank you so much for this, Myriade. So true. His goodness and mercy are absolutely what keep us going. Thanks for the support. Hugs and love xox
I think we are taught that faith looks a certain way. “Just keep pushing and staying strong”. I was really forced to question what strength really looked like after I experienced a series of traumatic events. It wasn’t until I was honest with God about my feelings, even my feelings with Him, that I fully received healing. I say that to say, sometimes the raggedy Ann doll scenario is all we have in us. And it’s actually okay! Sometimes, in my case, it was even necessary.
Terribly sorry for your loss. It’s sobering to think about the fact that ED kills. It’s even more sobering because for some odd reason it feels like it hits home for me. Maybe because I’ve become a reader of your blog and I connect with what you have to say.
Again, I ramble. But I’m sending prayers to the family and friends. It’s very sad.
Thank you so much for this beautiful note. Yes, you’re so right-being a raggedy Ann, even though it’s all we have, we’re in His arms, where there is comfort and healing and strength. I appreciate your kindness, friend. Hugs and love to you xox
My heart goes out to you as well as my prayers.
Hi Yolanda, thank you so much for the prayers. It really means a lot. Hugs and love to you xox
My heart is broken as well. I feel the pain, the tragedy, the lost, and the brokenness.
Thanks for sharing.
Hi Jireh, thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate the support. Hugs and love xox
BBB, I am at a loss for words. First of all, I would like to extend my condolences to you and your friend’s family for this horrible loss, one that didn’t necessarily have to happen. ED is so malicious, masquerading as a friend to help you lose weight until it becomes a nightmare, one that cannot be escaped only managed. I fight my own daily battles with ED, and have lost acquaintances to him, but never a close friend. I cannot imagine the pain that you’re experiencing having lost your good friend.
Your imagery with God holding a child until a tantrum has passed is a beautiful one. I can identify with that certainly. My relationship with God has gone through some rough times in the past year with a suicide attempt, but God not only brought me through it, He brought me out stronger. God bless you and keep you close during this difficult time!
Hi Lyndsay, thank so much for your support. It truly means a lot. You’re right about that-ED is a masquerade master. I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve had to endure this past year. I’m so glad that you’re doing better and that God has gotten you through. Even when we don’t understand, I have to trust that God is good and His mercy endures. Thanks again for sharing your heart. Sending big hugs ❤️
I m sorry about your friends…may her soul Rest In Peace
Thank you so much for this. It really means a lot. Hugs to you ❤️
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I like the poem Footprints for when we can make no sense of Why? Thank you for writing from your heart.
Thank you so much. I appreciate you kind words and support. Yes, I love that poem. Very powerful. Hugs and love to you friend xox
I am deeply saddened to hear about your loss. May you find comfort and solace in the company of those who love you and in your unwavering faith.
Thank you so much for this, friend. I appreciate your support. Even in the storm, God is still good, even if we can’t understand. Hugs and love xox
My condolences for you loss. Remember in all life there is God’s grace, but maybe His greatest grace is in death. The best I can offer os not mine but His –
2 Corinthians 5:6-8
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
Grace to you and peace!
Hi Nathan, thank you for this. I appreciate your kind words and for passing along these powerful verses. It means a lot. Hugs and love to you xox
I’m sorry you lost your friend. I really am. Your ability to express your thoughts, ideas, beliefs, values, grief & sadness, loves, life’s experiences [good & bad] and much more in a written story [fiction/non-fiction] is a gift that you give and we gladly receive from you. I’m a grateful recipient, I’m sure many are. So, I think it’s about time that I say Thank You for sharing what’s important to you with me.
Thank you friend. Wow, what kind words. I am truly humbled by such encouragement. It makes my heart so full to know that you enjoy your time here. Thank you for that. I appreciate your support. So much. Hugs and love ❤️
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. My prayers are with you.
Thank you Rose Marie. I really appreciate the prayers. Hugs and love xox
Oh sweet girl, I’m sad for your loss. Sending healing prayers and light. Hugs. 💗
Hi Jessica, thank you so much for this. Your prayers mean a lot. Hugs and love to you xox
I love your message. Especially about the child. So heartfelt and raw, I guess the word would be. And, honest.
I can’t pretend I know what this kind of loss does to you. It seems like the ones we relate to experience wise, hurt the most.
Thank you again❤️ you’re a blessing xox
I’m very sorry for your loss. In times like this it’s very easy to question God cos we don’t understand why such a thing should happen. But it’s very brave and admirable of you to share what you’re feeling with us. May the Holy Spirit be your comforter and remember that He won’t leave you or forsake you.
Hi friend, thank you for this. You’re so right-it’s easy to question His goodness, but yes. Even in the trials, we have to trust and still rely on His goodness. Thanks again for the support. Hugs and love xox
So very well written; it moved me to tears – as it should!
I love the image of the child angry with her father who just holds and comforts her. Often there is no explanation, but there is always the possibility of trust.
And then the reminder that Jesus has walked this way before and now walks it with us.
And, and, and …
I mustn’t go on or I’ll rewrite your post – I love it! I believe it!
Hi Stephen, thank you so much for this beautiful note of encouragement. Always the possibility of trust-I like that. Thank you for that perspective. Your words have touched my heart. Thank you. Hugs and love xox
I’m sad to hear about your pain and the sense of loss you feel. It will get better. Psalms 30:5
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: *weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.*
Thank you so much for your support. There is comfort in that verse. Thanks for sharing it. Hugs and love to you friend xox
So sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers to you.
Hi there Mary. Thank you so much for the prayers and support. It means more than you know. Hugs and love to you xox
Sorry to hear about your friend. Even though they are free from pain, we are left to mourn them and contemplate our own lives.
This is beautifully written.I know your testimony here is a constant encouragement for many battling these issues, so keep up the good fight. 🙂
The good news truly is that, while will have pain and sorrow in this frail life, we don’t have to go through it alone. Blessings.
Hi Mel, thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. It really means a lot. You’re so right-we don’t have to go through it alone. Amen to that. Hugs and love to you friend xox
I’m so sorry for the pain that you are feeling right now in the death of your friend. Thank you for pointing all of us to what’s really important in these times…..in all times….and that is to keep looking to God. Not with understanding, necessarily, but with faith and trust that He understands so much more than we do. Prayers for peace today, for you and for your friend’s dear family.
Thank you so much for this encouragement. It really means a lot. You’re right – keep looking to God with faith and trust. Even when it’s hard. I appreciate your prayers so much. hugs and love to you friend xox
I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend . All I can say is that God didn’t ever intend for death to be a part of the picture He created us so perfectly and when sin entered the world, death entered the world. It breaks His heart just as much as ours when death happens. When He created us He said it was very good :), I am sure he is holding her so tightly today in heaven and it is very good again, prayers for you and her family.
Hi Jami, thank you for this beautiful note. You’re right – He intended to live and walk with us in the Garden. And yes, that is what I trust – that she is in His arms today and at peace. Thank you for the prayers. hugs and love xox
Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend…we believe God for the oil of joy for mourning to cover family and friends, Amen
thank you so much for this, Annie. amen to that. God is good, even when we struggle to understand. hugs and love xox
Oh I’m so sorry this happened to you. I cannot sit her and type out that I know what you’re going through, because tbh I don’t. But I can assure you that the anger you when towards God is completely normal. But doubt no more. Dry your tears. God is here, he sees your tears and hears your cries. And he is good. I can’t tell you why bad things happen to the people we love, but we are all on this Earth to eventually leave it. Keep praying for your friend, and so will too. Again, I’m sorry this happened. But it’ll get better. I promise
Hi Paulette, thank you so much for your kind words and support. It is a comfort to know that God has her now and she is in His perfect peace. thank you for the prayers, my friend. it means more than you know. hugs and love xox
I am having a similar struggle dealing with my brother’s recent death from a heroin overdose. I prayed SO HARD for him, and while I am confident that he is now free from addiction, pain, guilt, and shame, part of me struggles with the idea that my prayers went unanswered. I hate to even admit it.
Hi Josh, thank you for sharing this. I am so sorry for your loss. I feel you. It is hard to understand why things happen when we’ve been so diligent in prayer. It is probably one of the greatest tests of our faith that we will ever have to face. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time. hugs and lots of love xox
Someday, when you and your brother are finally are reunited in Christ, I am certain that you will see that your prayers made a difference. It can take a long, long time, but so long as we remain in faith, we never pray in vain. That love lasts, and does work even after the loved one is gone.
So true Brian.
My deepest condolences to you and your friend’s family, what a tragic loss. May God bless you and comfort you during this difficult time.
Thank you so much my friend. I appreciate your support more than you know. hugs and love xox
I pray my Beloved will be a comfort you during this time as He has been to me and will use this tragedy to draw you closer to Him.
Thank you so much for this. Yes, with Him is the best place to be. Hugs and love to you friend xox
I’ve been that child….I am that child. Bless you, sweet girl. <3
Thank you for this, Shellie. I appreciate your support. Hugs and love xox
I am sorry for your loss
Thank you so much for the support, Christine. It really means a lot. Hugs and love xox
Wow, thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for your loss. praying for you!
Thank you for the prayers. It really means a lot. Hugs and love to you xox
I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤
Thank you Stephanie. That really means a lot. Hugs and love xox
So sorry for your lost love, prayers and love
Thank you so much Jemaths. I appreciate the prayers. Hugs and love xox
My heart aches with you and I pray that you and her family and friends will find peace. Like you said, there are no answers to many of the world’s “whys.” What I have come to grips with over time is that God never promised to solve all of our worldly problems and pains nor does He cause them. Our promise is an eternal one. Until then, we live in a broken world that is not as He intended it. And we, like all of creation, yearn for renewal: Romans 8:22 “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.”
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support. You’re so right: our promise is an eternal one. Thanks for sharing that verse. Hugs and love xox
Your image of the frightened child is so beautiful. I have felt that struggle. There’s an aspect that might be helpful to share.
The kicking and screaming is a way of attempting to maintain our identity against the all-pervasive field of love that surrounds us. The very energy of our flailing around, however, causes the love to pass into us. On the point of breaking through into the healing unity of love, the things that attempt to keep us from love marshal all their strength to the goal of destroying us.
When they succeed, we tend to blame God, to feel anger and hurt. That is their aim – to cause us to doubt. But God isn’t done with that soul. Love will continue to reach out to it, directing the remembrances of our prayers into it, giving it strength to come back and try again until it finally becomes free.
You have been given the strength and talent and enthusiasm to facilitate that process for those still engaged in the struggle. Hallelujah! God is Great! God is Good! God is Love!
As your friend now rests, be at peace.
Hi Brian, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. You’re so right- God isn’t done. We just have to trust, even when we can understand. Thank you again for these wonderfully encouraging words. You are a blessing, friend. Hugs and love xox
The world covers us over with dirt. When we enter through Christ into the Holy Spirit, he cleans us. We turn around to see those we have left behind, and our hearts overflow with compassion for their plight.
So we go out into the world to help them, and expose ourselves again to its diseases.
I feel the wound you have taken. Don’t be afraid to let us carry you.
Thank you again. Amen to that. Jesus washes us clean. Such a beautiful thing. I hope you know how much I appreciate your friendship. Hugs xox
I have had the good fortune to walk this path before you. It is to walk without shame towards the Father that reaches out to us. The wound is the fear of others that they will lose us, so we take two steps, then one back, saying each time: “Look! This is way! Just a little further now.”
That’s a powerful way to live, Brian. ❤️❤️❤️
So sorry about your friend, may her gentle soul rest in perfect peace, amen. Be consoled knowing that she is resting in the Lord’s bosom…it is well.
Hi Soma, thank you for these kind words. Yes, she’s safe and at peace in His arms. There is comfort in that. Hugs and love my friend xox
The Lord is your strength. Hugs and love dear
Yes He is. Amen to that. hugs xox
Peace & Love
Thank you friend. I appreciate your support. Hugs and love xox
Very sorry for your loss. Big hugs to you, and prayers.
Thank you April. I so appreciate it. Hugs and love to you too xox
Condolences. I hope your life, and hers, were richer on this side of the vale for having known each other through this.
Thank you so much for your support, Jeff. It means the world. Hugs to you xox
Thank you for sharing, your strength is astounding, I will be keeping you and the family in my prayers for continual strength and for the Joy of the lord to shower over you all and for his peace to wash over you, and since I dont know any names Ill just blanket it with the BBB situation.
Hi friend, thank you so much for the prayers. It truly means the world. Yes, that His love and strength may envelope her family during this difficult time. Hugs and love xox
That is very sad 🙁 Whenever anybody that we knew passed on, the only thing we can think about is how God can help guide us through it. That is a mighty big loss and I have nothing but sympathy and prayers for you to get you through this sad time since this person was a regular visitor on this site. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂
Hi john, thank you so much for these kind words. You’re right-God will guide us through it. He always does, even if we don’t understand. I really appreciate the prayers, my friend. Hugs and love to you xox
I am sooooo sorry for your loss!!! But I feel and understand every feeling you have expressed. That’s how I felt when my father passed away even worst . But somehow he uplifts me . God is good even when we don’t understand what he’s up too. Stay strong my love
Thank you friend. I really appreciate your support. I’m sorry you lost your father. My heart goes out to you. Yes, that is so true-even when we can’t understand, He is good. Hugs and love xox
Such heartfelt words. So much love here. I’m not the best at knowing what to say when bad things happen, but I’m thinking of you and of your friend and all the lives that her soul touched. She continues to touch people now through your writing. You have left a beautiful testament to her, and to all the others who have silently lost the battle with this dreadful and so often misunderstood disease.
Hi Lulu, thank you so much for this kind note. It really means a lot. You’re a good friend and I am grateful for you❤️ hugs and love xox
Grateful for you, too. You are a beautiful soul! Sending hugs back xoxo
I am so sorry to read this my friend. I know it hurts and the questions do mount up fast. You just never know. I have had times even in my bleak existence where I live where misdiagnosis and wrong medications taken for something i did not have that mixed horribly with my normal light pain killers and sleep medication wrecked havoc on me. i could not walk straight, bear to turn in bed, walking to the bathroom 6 feet away was a challenge and I was unable to make it downstairs to get any food. I have a selfish sister that I asked for days, can you bring some food up as I am unstable and my footing is unsure. She did not a friend that had seen me a week earlier saw me looking like I was about to die. I had lost 6 pounds in a week and a half but then lost 28 in a week. Not because I wasn’t hungry, I could barely muster the strength to get out of bed. I had to throw my keys outside to my friend a pretty small 5 foot 2 ex marine and she all but carried me to her car and got me situated with plenty of food in my room. Sometimes you never know how bad off you are until someone tells you or cares enough to notice. I know you noticed and I feel awful for you. I know you will rebound as you are one of the most positive people on here.
Thank you for sharing this. Wow, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I’m glad that you made it through and that you had that special friend. it sounds like you’re stronger for it. Sending hugs and love my friend. Xox
Sending them right back to you my friend Xox. I would tell you more but you would think I was making it up.
❤️❤️❤️not you! I’d never think that about my pal ☺️
Well I am basically trapped in my room all week, for a month plus now my sister has locked all appliances bc her bf is paying her bills and wants me gone. I am somewhat disabled if not for short periods. I am going through a lot of testing. Have massive tears in both shoulders and I know all the protocols to fix them and I have to deal with being kicked out after her causing me to lose all of my clients. Then a hit n run accident caused me the medications and then no car, no clients and found a job run by a junkie for a year and now back at square minus one as I am far less able and am facing her mistreating the dog and blaming me and I am blamed for a fake cps case, started by her bf and he stalks me on here. It has been a nightmare and I have nowhere else to go until I get lucky, caught up and past it. Until then I am almost trapped in my room to avoid a fight that would happen intentionally. So I spend weekends packed with lots of snacks. I am considering bringing my 30 year old microwave into my room.
Oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear that! Definitely keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there xox
Thank you…I am trying. I have a long week ahead to boot. A lot of dr appointments and hard riding. Not looking forward to a Nuclear Pet Scan Friday.
Will pray ❤️❤️❤️🙏
Thank you my friend:)
Dear Beauty, if I may answer your questions as to why things like this happen; recall your last post when I quoted Jesus on those that died under the Tower of Siloam. It’s a sinful world. Period. Earth is Satan’s because of it. Why does God do things like take your friend? Well, it’s more like He caught her when Satan and sin took her from Earth.
I’ve pounded on God’s chest a few times myself. When we do, we’re going after the wrong guy. I’m just glad He’s big enough and loving enough to take it. With a smile. I’d say go after Satan, but there’s nothing but bad news there. When God says “Vengeance is mine” the reference is to people and not taking things into our own hands. Satan is too powerful for us to get in the ring with.
Not so with God. How about, when we’re done pounding on God’s loving chest, we look up into those big, liquid eyes, wipe our nose, and ask Him to give that pointy tail an extra kick? Just for your friend. I’m sure He will.
With respect, His love, and affection, I am yours in Christ,
Hi Jeff, thank you for this. You’re right-not so with God. And amen for that. Although that’s sometimes hard to believe in difficult times, it is always always true. Thanks as always for your kind and encouraging words. Hugs and love xox
And to you. Sleep well.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing so movingly and powerfully about our Lord of love’s Presence with us, walking beside us in in our darkest valleys on nail-pierced feet. I pray for comfort for you, and all our dear sister’s family, in your grief.
Rest eternal grant to your beloved daughter, O Lord, and let light perpetual shine upon her.
Thank you so much Pastor Ferguson. I appreciate your kind words. Yes, we have to rely on His love and trust that she’s in His arms right now. Thanks for the prayers. Hugs and love xox
Just 2 thoughts…and then I will hold your grief gently in my heart.
1). Timothy Keller has written an informative and satisfying book titled “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering,” in which he explains that we, in our finite minds cannot know the infinite mind of God.
2). Years ago, at a funeral for a precious 18 month old baby girl, the wise minister forewent the usual rant (“the deceased would want you to …”) and instead reminded the confused and grief stricken that, at times like this, it’s best just to hunch up close to Jesus.
Bless your heart. I hurt for you, dear.
Hi Kitsy, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. Hunch up close to Jesus- that is such good advice. Because though we may not understand, his goodness prevails. Thanks again friend. Hugs and love cox
I am very sorry for your loss. Yes, I believe it is all part of living in brokenness.
Thank you so much Larry, i really appreciate your kind words and support. hugs and love xox
I am so sorry for your loss. I was so moved by the image of the little girl and her Daddy. I have seen this very image with my daughters and their Daddy. It struck a cord. He has you in His capable, loving arms. <3
Hi friend, thank you for this kind response. amen to that. yes He does. I have to trust that, even when we sometimes don’t understand. hugs and love xox
A honourable grace received is paved with a suffering heart with blood, sweat and tears, my humble appreciative opinion, thanks for being a strong warrior with true love.
Thank you so much for this. this is a great perspective. i appreciate your support. hugs and love xox
I’m so sorry for your loss. You and her family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Im a firm believer everything happens for a reason, but when it comes to sudden passings of loved ones, they really feel senseless sometimes. It might be too soon, but one conclusion I came to is it’s to create more love in the world. Bring people together so we can share and hear each other and know we’re not alone. Best.
Hi Cora, thank you so much for the prayers. I really appreciate it. That is a beautiful thought. Hugs and love to you xox
I am so glad she is with Jesus.
HI HJ. Thank you for your support. Yes, with Him at perfect peace. Hugs and love cox
Oh how I needed to read this today. I am so sorry for your loss but know that in posting so truthfully you are helping. Or to say it better, God is using you to help…. thank you. x
Thank you friend. I’m so glad that this resonated with you. I appreciate your kind words. Hugs and love xox
You need to charge a dime for every comment you reply to! Your responsiveness is awesome!
Sorry to read this story. Life is such a beautiful gift, and I can accuse my own self of not recognizing it as such many times.
By the way – why the anonymity? Did I miss a post on that?
Thank you friend. That made me smile:) I appreciate your supportive and kind words. You’re so right, life truly is a gift. The anonymity is just because my history has a lot of darkness with the anorexia in my past. And it is not something that I carry with me in my current life. It had been a shadow that I wanted to break free from. Plus, it doesn’t just affect me, but my family too, and they have asked for me to remain anonymous. Someday I will work up the courage to come forward, but until then, I’m just BBB. 🙂 thanks for asking. Hugs and love xox
And the same for me in my situation. Hope our mutual unmasking is joyous and not a cause of regret.
This is so precious. This is SO real and I see so much trust in God’s plan, despite the fact that we do not always understand His purposes. It’s like a little child who doesn’t always know why their father or mother loves them in a tough way, but we trust them. How much more can we trust our Heavenly Father Who wants to present us holy and blameless before His presence. This was humbling and I’m so very grateful that you shared from the very depths of your heart. Katie will be missed so so much, and I can’t wait to see her again. Meanwhile, we fight, and HOPE in God!
Hi Emily, thank you for this beautiful response. You’re so right- we fight and we hope in Him. Yes, Katie was a beautiful soul in every sense of the word and will be greatly missed. But you’re right-we will see her one day. And I trust that she’s in Jesus’s loving embrace right now in peace and in freedom. Sending you a big hug my friend. Xox
Your loss is our loss, B 🙁 my prayers are going out for you and her family <3 and you're so right that this isn't the end for her – hang on to that even when it doesn't feel like it
Hi Carson, thank you so much for this. I appreciate the prayers more than you know. Yes, let’s pray for her family. Hugs and love xox
As I was contemplating further I found the words to the song River by Bluetree going through my mind:
There’s a river of love that’s here
There’s a river of grace that’s here
You’re invited to come and swim within
Fresh winds are blowing
Fresh winds are coming here
The tide it is rising
And The Spirit is moving
But particularly the chorus:
Death to the past it’s gone
Here’s to a new beginning
Our God’s not finished yet with us
Death to the past it’s gone
Here’s to a new beginning
Your God’s not finished yet with you
And it makes me think of what Paul said to the Philippians, ‘To me, to live is Christ, to die is gain,’ because the real death already took place at the cross, we joined in that death and resurrection when we first believed and it’s harder to lose that life than it is to gain it (:
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this Carson. Such comforting words. I’m going to YouTube that song:) so grateful for God not being finished with us yet. Hugs xox
🙂 Happy Wednesday <3
Right back at’cha friend ❤️
I’m very sorry to hear about your dear friend.
‘Don’t doubt in the dark what’s true in the light.’ Very true words.