Perfume

So. This weekend was kind of a…break through of sorts for me.

A new experience. A freeing feeling.

Drumroll please………

I wore perfume.

For me.

Womp. Womp.

obama walk off gif

I know, I know. If you were expecting something earth shattering, I apologize for the gross letdown.

But just hear me out.

I wear Ralph by Ralph Lauren. It has been my signature scent since high school.

But, real talk: perfume is expensive. So I only wear it when…let’s be honest…I’m going to be around boys. Particularly boys I have a crush on.

Otherwise, it’s just Secret’s Tropical Island Fresh deodorant comin’ at’cha live.

#Classy

image

But I woke up on Sunday morning, after an incredible night on Saturday, and I decided that, gosh darn it…I’m going to wear perfume today — for myself.

You see, Saturday night was unusual in that, I went out with just my guy friends. All my girls were out of town for Memorial Day, so I had to fend for myself with the fellas. 🙂

And I’ve written about these boys before. There were 2 potential crushes among them. And they both were there on Saturday. But here’s the thing: For the first time, I didn’t care what they thought. I had decided that they were just friends. So even though they were opening doors and being chivalrous and treating me like a lady, it just didn’t matter to me.

But here’s the thing about Saturday night: I felt so beautiful. Which, from the surface sounds incredibly conceited, but knowing my history with non-existant self worth after my anorexia, feeling beautiful is something that I just don’t experience. I’m working on it, but frankly, it’s still a losing battle.

But Saturday night: I put on a pretty dress, wore perfume, high heels, did my makeup nicely — and I just felt, beautiful.

And here’s why: those two boys, they told me that they were courting me that night. Both of them. And maybe I’m a horrible person, but I allowed it. They opened doors for me. Bought me drinks. Had deep conversations. Treated me like a real lady.

And I allowed it.

I allowed them to “love” me.

Because, for the first time, I believed I was worth it.

God has been at work in my heart for a long time, and it was like, on Saturday night, I was just shown that it is an act of self love to allow another person to love me and receive it.

Even with all my baggage, God deemed me worth saving. So who am I to discredit and discount His evaluation?

My life is a celebration of His saving power. His healing hand. He has made me beautiful. So when I put on a pretty dress and recognize His beauty shining through me, I believe it makes Him smile. And I believe that other people can feel Him too. At least, I hope so.

So anywho. Saturday was a big affirmation in who I am. In feeling beautiful. In accepting love.

And that rolled over into Sunday — I decided that I am worth feeling beautiful, even when I’m not around boys, and it’s just me. Because I am worth it. Jesus makes me beautiful. Jesus says I’m worth it. So I’ll believe Him.

IMG_1422

What ever happened with those two beaus?

In my opinion, we’re just friends. Period. I’m open to love, but I don’t think it is with either guy. I’m waiting for God to reveal His plan, so I’ll keep my eyes open, my head on straight, and my cards close to my chest.

That’s at least the recipe for a strong game of poker.

fold-poker-cat

Regardless, I’m going to continue to spritz that perfume all day er’r day…because I feel beautiful…and that’s okay.


 

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207 thoughts on “Perfume

  1. “It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful. No, your beauty should come from inside you—the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. That beauty will never disappear. It is worth very much to God.” (1 Peter 3:2-4Easy-to-Read Version)
    I think many of us can feel this from your post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wear perfume everyday. Even when I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Sometimes I don’t feel pretty, but at least I will smell pretty. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed yourself and I love the praise you give to God. He is the center of self-worth and importance. Hold onto your hearts desire. God will eventually give it to you. Keep believing!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This post gave me all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings! I love your blog already but this post was like the cherry on a sundae. You GO GIRL! Your bravery and confidence just makes me want to join forces and conquer the world with you. One itty bitty smidgen of a step at a time. You amaze me. You wear that perfume. Heck yeah. You’re more than worth it and God is totally on your side. (Insert fist bump and power poses here)

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    • Hi Elizabeth! Aw you’re so kind to say that. Thank you 🙂 haha YES! Let’s do it! 😂😂😂 I’m power posing from NYC with ya right now! Hehe seriously though, I’m grateful for you! Thanks for making my heart so full! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I have not commented on your posts lately but have been reading them. There is a great change in that they are now easy to ‘like’ (I mean compared to when they were inspiring but the word ‘like’ seemed inappropriate). A sequel perhaps to the book I’d love to read.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey Beebs, can you read my poker face, or should I call you Elizabeth? You know, Zechariah might wanna meet you, whoever ‘e is. Oh, I’ll tell you joke. Man walks up to God, says, So you’re God, huh? God says, yea. Man says, No way!!! God says, Yahewh.

    Liked by 1 person

      • There’s some cool stuff happenin’ these days, if you know what I mean. It’s been fun to have a front-row seat. That joke is better spoken, but you never like talk on the phone. It’s better that way. My voice is quite rough and my person quite rough-and-tumble. But you know that already. Besides, we’re from different worlds. Like that program that used to come on Saturday nights, Out of This World. Ha ha. Keep it real.

        Like

  6. A great read as always! I love the way you tell a stpory and then turn it into praise and truth for all of us.

    “Even with all my baggage, God deemed me worth saving. So who am I to discredit and discount His evaluation?

    My life is a celebration of His saving power. His healing hand. He has made me beautiful. So when I put on a pretty dress and recognize His beauty shining through me, I believe it makes Him smile.”

    We all have baggage – I think it comes with being human ) and He has deemed us all worth saving! Your life IS a celebration and I’m sure it ma

    Liked by 1 person

  7. A great read as always! I love the way you tell a story and then turn it into praise and truth for all of us.

    “Even with all my baggage, God deemed me worth saving. So who am I to discredit and discount His evaluation?

    My life is a celebration of His saving power. His healing hand. He has made me beautiful. So when I put on a pretty dress and recognize His beauty shining through me, I believe it makes Him smile.”

    We all have baggage – I think it comes with being human – and He has deemed us all worth saving! Your life IS a celebration and I’m SURE it makes Him smile!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. and feeling beautiful, cuz of Jesus love, is a beautiful gift, to others and to God too. it is like unto an act of worship, it is a profound statement of gratitude, It is an artesian well of gratitude, of joy, of peace, of whole personhood, all coming together to form what we intuitively call beauty. And that beauty is there in your writing too and I bath in it, and come up smelling well. beautiful. thanks

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Reblogged this on Revival Now and commented:
    Reading this blogger is like watching a dark red peonie blossom slowly unfold with time delay photography. Every blog is better, richer, wiser and more beautiful. It is impossible to recommend too highly. enjoy.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dearest BBB,

    Straightway, I must apologize to you, for my comment isn’t about your blog post. Rather it is to share with you an excerpt of my blog post of yesterday, my birthday. I wrote about how I have tended to view my natal day anniversary simply as another day in my life and how I’ve come to a different view so to celebrate my birth and life. You, BBB, have been a part of this, and this, with deepest thanks, is what I wrote in reference to you:

    “…A fellow blogger (I read her religiously) writes candidly courageously of her insights into her struggles with her life and herself; arriving at a place and time where and when, even on her worst day, she can behold her very self as a gracious, glorious work of God. For her to deny the truth of which the psalmist sings that she is fearfully and wonderfully made would be to disown her faith in God and dishonor her hope in God. I’ve not shared with her how much, how often she, in her sincerely honorable and searingly honest self-acceptance, testifies to me of a fitting response to God’s love, as Isaac Watts penned, “so amazing, so divine (that) demands my soul, my life, my all…”

    Again, BBB, my thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Paul, wow. I am so touched by your words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so glad that my posts resonate with you. And hey, happy birthday! Again, thanks for being such a great encourager:) you made my day. God is good! Hugs and love xox

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  11. You are a child of God, and as such…a daughter of a King, a Heavenly King. I love the beauty of your Optimism, the Tenderness of your Insight, the Gracefulness of your Encouragement, and the Intimateness of your Writing. Not trying to flatter you…just bein’ sincere. The beauty you have on the inside overflows to your eyes, your warmth, and your smile. The outer you reflects the inner you. And the young man who tunes his internal antenna to the things of more spiritual nature will pick up the channel of your heart and see you for who you really are…and you will see him.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. I am so touched and humbled by your words. I cannot wait for that day:) I appreciate your encouragement friend. Have a beautiful weekend. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  12. “Regardless, I’m going to continue to spritz that perfume all day er’r day…because I feel beautiful…and that’s okay..”

    Personally, it’s not just okay. The fact that you feel beautiful, is the most important thing of all and in my humble opinion, at the end of the day, how you feel about yourself the only thing that matters. You deserve to feel good about yourself all day, everyday. Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

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