V Card

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

OK. It’s time we talk about virginity.

*Takes a shot of whisky.*

Scratch that.

It’s time we talk about my virginity.

*Takes another shot. Slams down the glass.*

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Ok. Now I feel prepared to take on this topic.

Allow me to set the stage:

Saturday night. 4 am. The sun is just starting to rise and the sky is that dusty heather gray color. NYC looks just like they try to portray it in the movies – a sleeping giant with steep buildings, daring the sun to challenge its dominance.

And I’m bleary eyed, mascara stained, just sobbing. I’m in my pjs. The beautiful, sparkly dress and heels I wore that evening, crumpled in a pile on the floor — along with my dignity.

Pause. NO I did not “do it.” Although, reading that back, it kinda sounds like the beginning of a cheap romance novel. 😛

No. This scene was the result of a very real, very raw, very — vulnerable — conversation.

About…my V card.


Long story short, this guy I’ve been kind of, potentially interested in just straight up asked me about it.

Now, before you get ready to B-Slap him with an attitude, it wasn’t like that. Nothing rude. Nothing invasive.

It was actually very respectful. And he wasn’t trying to pressure me either.

The convo went a little something like this:

“BBB. I don’t understand. Every weekend a different guy tries to take you home, but you never do. Why is that?”

And it wasn’t like I just blurted out…OH, I’M A VIRGIN! With three thumbs up emojis.

No, I’ve known him for 4 years, and it was a long, drawn out convo in the back of the bar, just us. He may have just kissed me. A lady never tells.

But I told him: I’m saving myself for my husband.

And it like, boggled his mind. He was so intrigued by this. So interested. So riveted in the why behind it.

And, as it was last call, we continued the convo into a cab he had hailed to drop me off.

Again, don’t read this through the filter of a serial killer — he’s a gentleman and wanted to drop me off, as it was 4am and a gal in a short dress shouldn’t be walking alone.

But he was literally so fascinated. He couldn’t believe that I was still a virgin.

So you’ve never had sex?

No.

Don’t you want to?

Um, hellooo.

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Our conversation jumped around, between what it means to be in a relationship, what we think about marriage, vulnerabilities, what we believe in. It was all really great…ish.

But the whole time I just felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.

It’s not like I’m ashamed of my decision to wait, I just felt really exposed. Like I was standing in front of a big crowd, unaware that my dress was tucked into my granny panties in the back. I felt stupid.

But he said, “I am just worried that your future husband isn’t going to appreciate what you’re doing. What if he’s not able to give you that back? What if you don’t get that?”

And this, is what sparked this post. This is what made me get up out of bed after crying myself to sleep and write about it.

I think there’s a grave misconception about relationships these days: what are you going to get out of it. 

What’s in it for you? What are you going to get from the marriage or from the relationship?

And that‘s exactly where my decision to remain a virgin stems from.

Because relationships aren’t about what you’re going to get.

They’re about what you can give.

And that’s why I’m waiting. Because I love my future husband enough that I want to save my body and my whole self for him only. I want to give that to him. I’m not expecting to get anything. Would it be amazing if he was waiting too? Yes. But I don’t expect that. What I do expect is that God is preparing the heart of my future husband right this very minute, just as He’s preparing mine.

My parents have been married for 40+ years. And that’s one thing my mother always taught me: relationships are about giving. If you go into it thinking it’s the other way around, you’re going to end up disappointed and hurt.

So how did I end up with tear stains on my pillow after that open and honest communication in the cab?

Well, honestly, I just felt really alone. Not in an Enrique Iglesias Give Me Just One Night kind of way.

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But alone in a misunderstood, foolish, exposed kind of way.

And in some ways I felt like a fraud.

Here’s the thing.

Let’s be honest…there’s a bit of a stereotype about virginity.

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Thanks, Steve Carell.

But, I’m pretty confident. Or at least, I’m good at acting like I’m confident. I enjoy flirting, dancing, wearing the latest fashions.

Frankly, I don’t think I come off as this ankle-length-skirt-with-orthopedic-shoes-wearing-virgin-who-has-6-cats-at-home.

But after revealing my virginity, I felt like somebody stripped away that confident exterior, exposing this inner dweeb that shouldn’t be out socializing because of severe social anxiety and a highly spastic colon or something.

zK8G87g

I feel like from now on, I’m forever going to be seen through the lens of “virgin.”

I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt alone.

And 6 hours later, I still do.

So.

I’m going to get up. Make myself a nice breakfast. And open up God’s love letter to me: the bible.

And I’m going to remind myself that I am not any of those things.

I am not alone: Jesus endured everything we’ve ever gone through, times 100. He was literally stripped down and exposed during the Passion.

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I am not ugly. But I am a handcrafted work of art, created lovingly by the Father.

My virginity is not dumb. It is an act of love to my future husband. One that I should celebrate. Jesus gave Himself fully and completely to His love — us — on the Cross,  so I can do the same for my future love.

Anywho. Thanks for listening.

Gonna go eat pancakes and put on my orthopedic shoes and head gear.

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Byeee

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

991 thoughts on “V Card”

  1. John 3:16 tells us something important: “For God so loved the world, that He gave …” Now, I’d never want to minimize the message of that text, but I do want to point out those first few words. What you’re doing may be countercultural, may not be the social norm, may not be the expected … But it’s showing your heart to be like your Father’s. And that’s a gift. The only thing you’re exposing is the beauty of a loving heart.

    Liked by 13 people

  2. BBB,

    Wowzers.

    You are doing the right thing. God loves you. Your future husband will love you and appreciate you and what you are giving him or he won’t be good enough for you. Never settle for less! Well done, sister in the Lord!

    Liked by 6 people

  4. By posting this you have put yourself out there. So I am going to say this. I am proud of you AND you should be proud. I have that stupid Steve Carrell movie and my lack of faith at the time to blame for why I rushed in, and I do not have that gift to give. It is precious, sacred and honorable and nothing to be ashamed of. I would give anything to get mine back. It’s a wonderful thing. And sex that doesn’t have that true love and devotion that is just thrown around because is hollow. And it never truly leads to good things. It’s done me more harm than it has good, which is why, at 31 years old, I decided that I would no longer have sex until I found THE ONE and walked her down that aisle. I lament over the gift I don’t have to give and I want to be the first to say that it is something that is not a source of shame. My shame is that I didn’t have the strength you have. God bless you and Godspeed.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Hi friend. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so touched by your words. I think it’s really awesome that you’re doing that. That’s the beautiful thing about love-is that it heals and the fact that you’ve made that decision now is so beautiful and something your future wife will think is amazing and strong. I appreciate you friend. Thanks for sharing your heart. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 2 people

  5. You are not alone. I love the image of just caring about what you’re preparing to give your husband and not worrying about the rest, that is beautifully STRONG. I waited. THe shocked look on the other couples in our pre-marital counselling session when we said there was nearly 75 years of celibacy between me and Hubs (of 17 1/2 years)… well, that tells it all. I can’t even imagine trying to keep this decision in this decade. Like I said, your perspective and perseverance shows strength. Blessings.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Wow, that’s an awesome decision and gutsy post. Very gutsy – because it sets you apart from the crowd. It’s counter culture, against the grain. Some might even say weird. My friends and I have embraced the “weird” tag as well….mainly because publicly announcing and standing by faith in Christ is in itself weird in today’s society. So we looked up the definition – it says something along the lines of “otherworldly” or “of the supernatural”. Stick to your guns. Stay weird. All the way.

    Liked by 7 people

  7. Yay! Thank you for talking about this subject! I’ve made the same decision as you and understand what you mean when ppl open up the subject… I think the biggest lie out there is that your or I are the only ones who are still virgins. I have quite many friends in their twenties and thirties who are still virgins and intend to honor God in this way until they get married. Above all else is something I want to honor God with since He gave everything for me – His Son Jesus Christ. keep on persevering my dear sister. You are not alone and I believe God has something special prepared for you!

    Liked by 6 people

  8. I applaud you. It’s a hard thing to do these days…wait…. I gave mine up in my early twenties. I wonder sometimes if my life might have been different, had I made different choices… well, of course it would have….but would it have been better?
    What I do think is that maybe ( likely ) the quality of man I was surrounding myself with would have been better…. might have resulted in the kind of relationship/marriage that I wish for…. and sometimes ( often ) those thoughts make me sad.

    I don’t know. And for me, it’s far too late. That cats long out of the bag. And this wasn’t about me anyway…. so forgive my ramble.

    Always stay true to you and God’s love for you and you’ll never go wrong. PS. You look amazing.
    xo

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Cinn, thank you for sharing this. It’s so easy to look back and wonder those things, but I think at the end of the day we just have to trust that God’s got us. Because you’re right – He loves us so so much. I love your spirit. So beautiful:) hugs and love xox

      Liked by 2 people

  9. I had the same views as you, not having sex before marriage, until I met a guy who I was head over heels in love with… I’m more ashamed of having had sex before marriage than I was to tell people I was 20 and still a virgin. This post has helped me in a real way, so thank you.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Dani, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so glad it helped you. That brings my heart so much joy. Sending you such a big hug right now. You are precious 🙂 Truly – not in a weird like, “oh you’re precioussss” but like, -you- actually are precious 🙂 Hugs to you friend xox

      Like

    2. I did a lot of other things with guys I was in love with (and some I never really was), but I didn’t go all the way. Close and tried, but it didn’t work so I wonder if I could still have been considered a virgin? I’d say so but looking back I see that I really shouldn’t have been doing half that stuff either…anyway, my husband was glad I waited. I guess I just replied here to say that I too did things when in love I shouldn’t have.

      Like

      2. there was a phrase that went round when I was at school which was “half virgin” which meant that you’d been sexually active but not actually intercourse… It’s such an ambiguous topic, what clarifies as losing your virginity and what doesn’t, and so I think it comes down to your own person view. the first time I had “sex”, we stopped halfway through because I wasn’t comfortable, I would have said I was still a virgin but my boyfriend at the time said I wasn’t. so like I say, I think it comes down to how you view it yourself.

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      3. Mine have all said I was, even the high school one who I “tried” to (it didn’t physically “work”, which was probably God’s way of reminding me). We loved each other so it felt right, but it’s not. I say I was a virgin too because that (intercourse) was one thing that was really important to me not to give.

        Like

  10. Keep it up! I wish I had waited, and I’m a guy. Once you give it up, you can’t take it back. Like putting the toothpaste back in the tube.
    Oh, and I love what you said about relationships being about giving not getting. I tend to forget that.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks Octavian! I really appreciate your encouragement. Haha oh my gosh you’re killin me with that toothpaste comment!! haha Literally laughing out loud. Thanks for that. hugs and love xox

      Like

  11. I remember writing about virginity and modesty on my blog a while back.

    The V Card issue isn’t just important, it’s huge. I wish I’d read the bible when I was much younger bc God lovingly tells us in it to “wait” (for very good reasons).

    I promised my mom before she died I would wait until marriage. After she died, when I was a teen, life took some ugly/unexpected turns. I am about to sit back down and write it out to help other’s.

    Virginity is a both a gift and a blessing…I’m glad you are standing tall and strong!

    Blessings!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Kensel! Thank you so much for this encouraging comment. I’m so sorry that you lost your mom at such a young age. Sending you a big hug. Yes, writing is such a wonderful tool to process and heal. I look forward to reading your words. hugs and love to you friend xox

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  12. I have been thinking about taking up this issue on my blog and I think you just might have written the little push I needed from the Lord.
    This is so important – your virginity is the single most beautiful thing you can give to the one you will eventually spend your life with. Resisting the temptation shows strength! – And loving God before loving others… well, you have the heart for Christ and the Father will reward you with the one and only man of your dreams.
    Wonderful post and I love love love your honesty!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Lenei! Thank you so much! Yes, I hope you do write about it! I’d love to read your words! And seriously, I really appreciate your encouragement. It means more than you know. hugs and love xox

      Like

  13. You are so not alone.
    I believe it is all about honouring.
    In my experience, people are never satisfied with what you do or give.
    God is proud of you and I’m proud of you too.

    Don’t hide in your house or wish the ground will swallow you up.
    I believe that Christ has borne shame on the cross of Calvary so when situations arise that will cause me to shrink back, I, in faith step into the crowd, believing that God goes me, leading and guiding and the host of heaven and the crowd of witnesses (the faith hall of fame) are cheering me on.

    They are cheering you on too. Keep doing the right thing because of Him and not for any earthly applause

    You are capable of more, glory to God, the Holy Ghost lives in you.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. You’re welcome. I love how you are true to yourself. I’m sad you felt ugly and alone and cried yourself to sleep. The way I see it, at some point, everyone TRIES to be who everybody else THINKS they ought to be. There’s something to be said for being authentic and you are already doing that! Love that! 🙂 Bravo!

        Like

  15. Girl…I wish I knew 12 of you. I’m a youth pastor. I asked my students the other day (7th-12th grade) how many believe in sex before marriage. About 25% raised their hands. First, thank you for your vulnerability and honesty and integrity. It takes real guts to blog what you did. Second, you are not the exception, you are the normal in Gods eyes. Although the world looks at this as incredibly spectacular, God sees you as just doing your job and can’t wait to give you the “well done” in the end for being a regular believer. Last, your husband, whoever God has planned for you, is gonna be so grateful. Your virginity is a gift that only you have the ability to give. Incredibly proud and praying for your walk as you gain strength in your faith as you go through this “stuff” in your life.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Hi EDC, thank you so much! Haha 12, that’s funny. Wow a youth pastor. That’s such an important job. Thank you for this meaningful comment. Seriously, your encouragement is just what I needed to hear, so thank you. God is good, and I fully trust in Him. Thanks for the prayers. I’ll definitely keep you and your ministry in mine as well! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  17. What used to be the norm now is embarrassing; what used to honored now has to be hidden as a shameful thing. What the world calls good, God says is evil; but what God says is good, the world calls evil. So far has our country fallen from God’s Word and God’s way that we expect ridicule and live in shame for living like we are supposed to. The decline in culture will become this nation’s tombstone. But for us who hope for something better, we wait upon His deliverance. Isaiah 26.
    Thank you for your courage. If all the believers would stand up for this (and not support the television industry that makes its money by promoting comedic sexual license), the world would at least have to deal with God’s ways and may have to change to even make a living…

    Liked by 7 people

    1. Hi Jefferis, thank you for this powerful reflection! Sadly, I think you’re right about the culture. It’s really sad what pop culture promotes and celebrates as the “normal” thing to do. But you’re right, we’ve gotta keep our eyes on the Lord. Thanks for this encouragement. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I love you! Or rather, I love what you are! Virginity is nothing to be ashamed of. You are beautiful, and have so much to offer than special someone that will be coming into your life. Pray diligently, be faithful to him. Just because your haven’t met him, doesn’t mean that you can’t be faithful to him. Keep it up Beauty 🙂 You’re doing great things 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Samuel, haha Aw thank you so much! That means so much! Yes, gotta pray and keep trusting that He will bring the right man into my life. Just gotta have patienceeeeee 🙂 haha So glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox

      Like

  22. You are so not alone.
    I believe it is all about honouring God
    In my experience, people are never satisfied with what you do or give.
    God is proud of you and I’m proud of you too.

    Don’t hide in your house or wish the ground will swallow you up.
    I believe that Christ has borne shame on the cross of Calvary so when situations arise that will cause me to shrink back, I, in faith step into the crowd, believing that God goes with me, leading and guiding and the host of heaven and the crowd of witnesses (the faith hall of fame) are cheering me on.

    They are cheering you on too. Keep doing the right thing because of Him and not for any earthly applause

    You are capable of more, glory to God, the Holy Ghost lives in you.

    Liked by 5 people

  23. You are an absolute rock star! I always enjoy your posts, but you will never top this, ever (sorry). I was so inspired and motivated reading this my heart started to pound and I actually started to cry a little.
    Both my oldest son and daughter made vows of chastity and saved themselves for marriage. As a parent I felt so honored to have them as children, not that I judge people who don’t do this, but it’s a glorious thing to do. Both of them feel very happy that they made this decision and it has done nothing but strengthen their marriages. They both are happily married and have beautiful children. I applaud you. I truly do. You will be rewarded and blessed.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi there David! Oh my gosh thank you! You’re so kind. Aw! I’m glad it resonated with you. and wow-that is so awesome that your kids made those views. truly powerful. you have given me a lot of hope this evening. so thank you. a lot. hugs and love to you and yours xox

      Liked by 1 person

  24. It’s funny that society has turned virginity into something to be ashamed of rather than something to be treasured. Well done to you for making the conscious decision to save yourself for marriage, and for understanding that marriage is more about giving than receiving. Romans 12:2 talks about being transformed not conformed, and having the understanding about giving and being willing to save yourself is a great example of living that out!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Hi Tim! You’re right – the culture has a funny way of doing that with a lot of things. Thanks for this encouragement. Romans12:2 — what a powerful verse. I had forgotten about that one, so thanks for the reminder! Glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Wow! Such a great post and really brave! Thanks for sharing so many aspects of your journey on this blog. I know you are helping so many and I am sending this to my five teenagers! Such an important topic for them, and your voice will be one they will hear and listen to. Don’t stop sharing!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi tdeets! Aw, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind and wonderfully encouraging note! that’s aweomse! I hope they enjoy the piece:) sending big hugs and love to you and yours xox

      Like

  26. Ah, Beebs, in spite of the seven-footer of NYC Bronx bus staring me down, saying he had God’s number, too. Or, was it God’s number two? That would be kinda gross, I dunno, I was always so self-conscious about this topic [yourn], nervous, sheepish, disinterested to the point of avoidance, that I kinda refused to admit the existence of it at all. In the this NYC stage, the seven-footer wasn’t slamming my virginity but rather my God. I guess in the way you write, God has a lot of involvement in the “you.” But, anyway, so glad nobody pulled the V-card conversation with me in dating, although also quite glad no one was watching my thought stage on my first date and the words going merry-go-round in my head, and me, WHY? WHY? WHY? Have sex with [cutie]. Have sex with [cutie]. Have sex with [cutie]… … … WHY? I don’t even like that topic! I don’t like anything! I believe in an ascetic life with no pleasures and no joy! That’s why I choose to never even eat dessert!! And so my life went…until life taught me to remember who I was or am or might be or … well, should have been…And I thought the world of a certain gal. Still do. But it’s weird. Anyway, I dunno, everything’s weird. I guess I have a blank look on my brain right now, an abyss of unfathomable ignorance about the whole topic of love in its entirety. I guess I should’ve asked that first girl on that first date if we could “do it.” Maybe I would have learned to live with shame and handled some of my later life better. Courage never comes cheap. I wish I’d learned my lesson. I wish I will have, and I still hope that I might, but love and curiosity sure do pull at one’s heartstrings. I certainly do understand that. I’m too much of a fool to see clarity in why people do or say as they do. I’m too much of an idiot to ever explain why I ever did what I did. I do it all the same, even to sound like the fool of an idiot that I am. I waited for that one, and I guess we were one week away from the day when somehow I didn’t delay. It was good for me while it lasted, those years. Nothing ever seems understandable about life’s end from beginning. Choices seem rash like a hurricane even though it’s so hard to identify their source or foundation later looking back. I would like to excuse myself and exit with some excuse for my bad life, but I won’t. I’ll acknowledge that even though I thought to live well, even though I had courage to stand up for belief, still I’ve hurt those I’ve loved, and it’s not an easy thing to find peace. If love were soup in a Chinese shop served with sex as noodles on top. If love were nothing more than chicken legs eaten and forgotten like yesterday’s eggs, I guess it would mean nothing when love falls apart. A little indigestion, maybe a fart. But searching as to earth’s core, after finding searching everywhere and still nothing to give a care to aware. I guess love, like the heart of the earth, many would expose if they knew it’s lurk. But as they don’t and search in vain, holy love’s pretty face remains. I guess it’s good to be kept locked up where only the daring, the cultured may sup. When heart is bound and life denied, love can find a better ride. Still, I’m a bad example. But I’m glad that I don’t care. Maybe nobody should, but I’m not going to judge. Thanks for the tackling the topic. You seem to do it better every time. It’s a hard read, but that’s good for us squeamish country folk!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Dan, thank you for this reflection. It breaks my heart to think that you deny yourself joy! I know you are not into “God-stuff” but I just want to share with you that there is a verse that talks about how Jesus came so that we could have life and have it to the full. AKA — He wanted us to be joyful! If I lived near you I would drop off a care package with a bunch of fun things — like balloons and whoopee cushions and silly string and candy and stuff that would make you smile. Because you deserve joy. You’re worth it. And PS – I will never be able to eat Chinese soup the same way again. haha hugs xox

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      1. Beebs, melted Hershey bar in its package for your whoopee cushion, paper snow balls for balloons, candy as long it’s chocolate, and ribbon and lace for your silly string. Don’t worry about the soup, it’ll come out as poop, but sex lasts forever. My joy is war, but not really. I guess it’s just my sore. Maybe someday plowshares and pruning hooks may call our tow. I hope. If not, more war.

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  29. That is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. The reason I am struggling being married is because of that I expect something out of this relationship rather than giving. I am selfish. Your post is such a great reminder to me and the world about relationships. It is so hard within myself to give like this. I need God’s help. It is especially hard to give when you have been deeply wounded by your spouse. My natural reaction is to withhold my giving anything until he stops his hurtful behavior. But your post is really pointing out to me in such a lovely and gentle way that I’m wrong. What a great testimony you are.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi there friend. Thank you so much for sharing this. Navigating the complexities of relationships is so difficult. I’m so inspired by you and your spirit. God is good and will help us heal. Heal our hearts, our relationships – everything. Sending you such a big hug right now. xox

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    2. Late-Bloomer, I am sorry to read that you’ve been wounded by your spouse. Things in a relationship are not supposed to be that way. Please take care of yourself and if need be seek support and assistance. God bless!

      Liked by 1 person

  31. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty, your openness, and the gentle reminder of what my relationships should look like. Not what I can get but what I have to offer. And I have a lot to offer and it’s worth me waiting to jump back into the dating pool until I am more emotionally together.

    Liked by 4 people

  32. You are DEFINITELY not alone sista! I’m right there with you. My very own cousin (who isn’t a Christ-follower) just tried to convince me that I needed to loosen my stance on my virginity. It’s a badge of honor and precious gift to our future husbands! #VSquadRocks

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi there friend! haha love the hashtag!! Oh my gosh can that squad seriously be a thing??? Like can we make t-shirts!?! haha but truly, thank you for this encouragement. It’s so nice to know that I’m not alone. Glad you stopped by. big hugs to you friend. VSquadRocks 🙂

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  33. “I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt alone.”
    I was saving myself for marriage for 26 years and mistakenly gave in to temptation. Once. It’s been 3 years and I still struggle with feeling dumb, ugly, alone and tainted. The only thing that has kept my emptiness and inadequacy at bay is prayer. God forgave me but I struggle to forgive myself…I failed myself and a future woman. BBB, you have stronger character than I ever have; you’ll get through this!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi RJN, thank you so much for sharing this. God is amazing in that He forgives us of everything we bring to Him. Forgiving ourselves is always so hard. It took me YEARS and I mean YEARS to forgive myself of all the pain and hurt my anorexia caused to my loved ones. It is still something that if I’m really honest, I still have to work on. But one thing is true: God forgives. And He does not see us the way we see ourselves. He only sees His precious children. Thanks for stopping by. hugs and love friend xox

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  34. This is seriously lovely. You have inspired my next topic. I was a Virginia when I married my man and he was not. But it don’t even matter because I knew I was the one recieving his soul, not just his body. Thank you for sharing! Looooved. Let’s stop the stigma of ugly virgins. We are dang hot and dang sexy too!

    Liked by 4 people

  36. Lovely post, very brave. I stuck to my guns and waited until I was in love, even if not married, and experienced similar feelings, though not as beautifully articulated as you. Proud of you!

    Liked by 3 people

  37. BRAVA! Your blog reminded myself of me 24 years ago when I first met my then boyfriend, now husband. He was stunned that I was saving myself. I was a rare bird, he said. He didn’t see things like I did, at first, and I loved him despite it. It was then I realized, it wasn’t about him. It was about me. I wanted it. And I’m still glad I did. Thank you for being so open about such a sensitive issue. It needs to be talked about.
    You’re not alone and know that God will continue to bring people into your life who will show you this over and over again. 🙂 Bless you!

    Liked by 4 people

  38. BBB:

    Another great post.

    In seminary, I had a single friend who recommended a book by Doug Rosenau and Michael Todd Wilson. Soul Virgins: Redefining Single Sexuality. (Atlanta: Sexual Wholeness Resources, 2006). Read my review here: Single but not Alone: Soul Virgin (http://wp.me/p3Xeut-hc).

    Healthy relationships require practice; practicing unhealthy relationship leads to all sorts of bad outcomes. Unfortunately, Hollywood and our society reinforce the latter.

    Stephen

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi there Stephen! Sounds like a really interesting book! thanks for passing it along. You’re right – Hollywood unfortunately has a bit of a different agenda… Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

      Like

  39. Saving yourself is not dumb, definitely not ugly, and know that you are not alone and there are many people who wish they could join you. Saving yourself for “the one” shows patience, virtue, strength, and grace at the highest level. I admire you so much for that and also for sharing your story. I know that it can be scary to put yourself out there and now and then you may feel vulnerable, but I feel honored that I got to read this.

    This is going to sound so cliche, but never settle because you deserve the very best and you should never settle for less than butterflies. I also admire your parents for their 40 years of marriage. It is so beautiful and true that we should be thinking about what we can give rather than what we can get.

    Thanks again for writing this. It has helped put things back into perspective for me. *hugs* ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi there friend. Thank you so much for this encouragement. It really means a lot. Yeah, it is scary…But I am just so encouraged by folks like YOU who offer such kindness. I can’t tell you how much that means, so thank you. I’ll keep looking for those butterflies 😉 hehe thanks friend. and yes — my parents are freaking rock stars 🙂 hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  40. True Beauty . You nailed it. Just nailed it! You stuck the landing and everything just now! If there’s one thing reading the Book has force-fed my warped mind it is that we are messed up and God is not. He sees the universe, the world, you, and me as we really are. We are the ones who see a twisted reality, and the World has twisted True Beauty into something Ugly. You have embraced Reality, hugged the Truth and the One who spoke it to us and it doesn’t look like you are letting go any time soon. Hang on to Him and onto every Word He says about you, BBB, because from where I’m sitting, it looks like He is very much in love with you. Very, very much.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. haha thank you so much! Amen to that – God is not messed up and loves to fix our messes! Isn’t that such a comfort to know that God doesn’t see us the way we see ourselves, but rather as His precious children!? so awesome. You’ve got me excited for gymnastics in the olympics now 🙂 haha thanks again. hugs xox

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  41. I feel almost equally odd commenting on this *downs a shot* but….just from this side of the electrons, the pictures indicate you are blessed with a God-given beauty, inside and out. You are right, it is about what you give. Congratulations for still being in a position to give that gift!

    But I understand your gentleman’s concern that perhaps the gift may not be well received. That is (with guys…we are kinda dense) a distinct risk. Not that all guys are dense, but…we are Martians (or waffles) to you Venusians (or spaghetti). So it IS still somewhat about you, and YOU wanting to GIVE the gift even if it isn’t as well received as you hope, dream, desire. Or better, to realize that the gift is to God, not to the guy who will actually posses it.

    *downs another shot*
    Peace 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Jeff, oh my gosh thank you so much! haha oh my gosh martians — I am literally laughing out loud right now! so thank you for that gift 🙂 but seriously, I really appreciate all the kind things you said…thank you friend. 🙂 hugs and much love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  43. That dress looks gorgeous on you! 🙂

    As someone who hasn’t lost her V-card either, I really enjoyed reading your post and can resonate with a lot of what you mentioned. It can be easy to feel discouraged and lonely when we approach romance from a different perspective than a lot other people in our culture. You’re not alone in feeling insecure or ‘ugly’ or ‘weird’ for being a virgin.

    I’m glad that this experience has inspired you to reach out more for God rather than drawing away or conforming to the world’s expectations and standards.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Ophie! haha oh my gosh thank you so much 🙂 I love when the occasion arises to get gussied up! 🙂 hehe But seriously, thank you so much for this encouragement. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Sending such a big hug! xox

      Liked by 1 person

  44. I wish we lived closer where I could hug you, cry with you, and encourage you over coffee. Your post absolutely made me cry because I’ve known that type of lonely and that feeling of embarrassment for a decision you should never be embarrassed about. As a fellow v-card holder (is that the cool way to say it?) I’ve dealt with this all a few times over. I never expected to not be married in my thirties, but it happened. And each year that passes and I’m not married, I get a little more fearful of this conversation with people because they REALLY look at me funny when I tell them. I have found this year especially hard because my dear friend R passed away unexpectedly – I loved him very much and a part of me always thought if he got his life together, we would have gotten back together – so when he died, I didn’t just mourn him, but the idea of a future with him. But every time I think about giving up and giving in, I remember that (according to Jewish law) it is more than just the ultimate gift you can give, it is a blood covenant between a virgin bride and her groom. It’s a blood covenant just like our covenant that Jesus made with us when he was crucified for our sins to make pure and holy before God. That keeps me from giving in and giving up every single time. Know you are not alone in this – there are others like us out there! And if it’s any comfort, EVERY MARRIED PERSON I’ve ever spoken to, who didn’t wait, wishes they would have – the first thing they’ll say is if they had it to do over again, they’d wait for their spouse. So chin up…he’s out there, and I promise, if he’s special enough to marry, he’ll FULLY appreciate the gift you give him!!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Hi there Grace, thank you so much for this powerful reflection. I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell that R occupies a special spot in your heart, so know that I am giving you a big big hug right now. Thank you for the encouragement. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this. You’re right — God is good and has the right men out there for us. And hey, I would take you up on that cup of coffee any day! 🙂 thanks again friend. You are a blessing 🙂 hugs an love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  46. Girl. Seriously THIS post is why I write. Like , I felt like I was reading my life , but I wasn’t the one who wrote it. youtube.com/c/natajazanelle come talk with us. There is more people than you know waiting ! You just inspired me so.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Haha aw, thank you so much Nataja! I’m so glad it resonated with you!! I’ll definitely check out your channel! Lemme know if you’d ever like to collab on anything! 🙂 hugs and lots of love! PS – i love your name – so beautiful! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  47. Beautiful. Moved me to tears. As the father of two daughters about your age (early 20s), I want them to read this. Thanks for your openness and candor on the subject. So important, the truths you expressed.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I would love to get you a copy of, “The Secret Of The Stairs” by Wade E Taylor. It teaches about the LOVE of God for us from the Song Of Solomon. It changed my whole perspective! 🙂

        Like

  49. Wow this is some good stuff! Thank you for sharing on a topic that we don’t talk about near enough. Abstinence before marriage is so worth celebrating! Thanks for sharing and for giving glory to God in doing so. You’re a really gifted writer. Keep at it!

    Liked by 2 people

  50. I cracked up 😂 I loved it. If it makes you feel any better, the church we attend has many virgins who proudly hold that v – card and well into their 20s and 30s … all 4 of my teens included. I wish I would have waited even being raised in an atheist house hold. Stay 💪!

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