V Card

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

OK. It’s time we talk about virginity.

*Takes a shot of whisky.*

Scratch that.

It’s time we talk about my virginity.

*Takes another shot. Slams down the glass.*

buffy_drinking

Ok. Now I feel prepared to take on this topic.

Allow me to set the stage:

Saturday night. 4 am. The sun is just starting to rise and the sky is that dusty heather gray color. NYC looks just like they try to portray it in the movies – a sleeping giant with steep buildings, daring the sun to challenge its dominance.

And I’m bleary eyed, mascara stained, just sobbing. I’m in my pjs. The beautiful, sparkly dress and heels I wore that evening, crumpled in a pile on the floor — along with my dignity.

Pause. NO I did not “do it.” Although, reading that back, it kinda sounds like the beginning of a cheap romance novel. 😛

No. This scene was the result of a very real, very raw, very — vulnerable — conversation.

About…my V card.


Long story short, this guy I’ve been kind of, potentially interested in just straight up asked me about it.

Now, before you get ready to B-Slap him with an attitude, it wasn’t like that. Nothing rude. Nothing invasive.

It was actually very respectful. And he wasn’t trying to pressure me either.

The convo went a little something like this:

“BBB. I don’t understand. Every weekend a different guy tries to take you home, but you never do. Why is that?”

And it wasn’t like I just blurted out…OH, I’M A VIRGIN! With three thumbs up emojis.

No, I’ve known him for 4 years, and it was a long, drawn out convo in the back of the bar, just us. He may have just kissed me. A lady never tells.

But I told him: I’m saving myself for my husband.

And it like, boggled his mind. He was so intrigued by this. So interested. So riveted in the why behind it.

And, as it was last call, we continued the convo into a cab he had hailed to drop me off.

Again, don’t read this through the filter of a serial killer — he’s a gentleman and wanted to drop me off, as it was 4am and a gal in a short dress shouldn’t be walking alone.

But he was literally so fascinated. He couldn’t believe that I was still a virgin.

So you’ve never had sex?

No.

Don’t you want to?

Um, hellooo.

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Our conversation jumped around, between what it means to be in a relationship, what we think about marriage, vulnerabilities, what we believe in. It was all really great…ish.

But the whole time I just felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.

It’s not like I’m ashamed of my decision to wait, I just felt really exposed. Like I was standing in front of a big crowd, unaware that my dress was tucked into my granny panties in the back. I felt stupid.

But he said, “I am just worried that your future husband isn’t going to appreciate what you’re doing. What if he’s not able to give you that back? What if you don’t get that?”

And this, is what sparked this post. This is what made me get up out of bed after crying myself to sleep and write about it.

I think there’s a grave misconception about relationships these days: what are you going to get out of it. 

What’s in it for you? What are you going to get from the marriage or from the relationship?

And that‘s exactly where my decision to remain a virgin stems from.

Because relationships aren’t about what you’re going to get.

They’re about what you can give.

And that’s why I’m waiting. Because I love my future husband enough that I want to save my body and my whole self for him only. I want to give that to him. I’m not expecting to get anything. Would it be amazing if he was waiting too? Yes. But I don’t expect that. What I do expect is that God is preparing the heart of my future husband right this very minute, just as He’s preparing mine.

My parents have been married for 40+ years. And that’s one thing my mother always taught me: relationships are about giving. If you go into it thinking it’s the other way around, you’re going to end up disappointed and hurt.

So how did I end up with tear stains on my pillow after that open and honest communication in the cab?

Well, honestly, I just felt really alone. Not in an Enrique Iglesias Give Me Just One Night kind of way.

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But alone in a misunderstood, foolish, exposed kind of way.

And in some ways I felt like a fraud.

Here’s the thing.

Let’s be honest…there’s a bit of a stereotype about virginity.

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Thanks, Steve Carell.

But, I’m pretty confident. Or at least, I’m good at acting like I’m confident. I enjoy flirting, dancing, wearing the latest fashions.

Frankly, I don’t think I come off as this ankle-length-skirt-with-orthopedic-shoes-wearing-virgin-who-has-6-cats-at-home.

But after revealing my virginity, I felt like somebody stripped away that confident exterior, exposing this inner dweeb that shouldn’t be out socializing because of severe social anxiety and a highly spastic colon or something.

zK8G87g

I feel like from now on, I’m forever going to be seen through the lens of “virgin.”

I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt alone.

And 6 hours later, I still do.

So.

I’m going to get up. Make myself a nice breakfast. And open up God’s love letter to me: the bible.

And I’m going to remind myself that I am not any of those things.

I am not alone: Jesus endured everything we’ve ever gone through, times 100. He was literally stripped down and exposed during the Passion.

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I am not ugly. But I am a handcrafted work of art, created lovingly by the Father.

My virginity is not dumb. It is an act of love to my future husband. One that I should celebrate. Jesus gave Himself fully and completely to His love — us — on the Cross,  so I can do the same for my future love.

Anywho. Thanks for listening.

Gonna go eat pancakes and put on my orthopedic shoes and head gear.

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Byeee

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

991 thoughts on “V Card”

  1. Hey BBB, I wish I could reach through this screen right now and give you a big hug. I have had these uncomfortable talks, but with friends not people I met in bars. I don’t think it made it me feel any better trying to tell others that don’t believe in saving yourself for marriage that I am, or at least have recommitted myself after I had a serious fiancee whom I thought would be my husband. I have experienced a LOT of shame after that break-up knowing I gave myself to that man and now I wouldn’t have it to give to any other. I have recommitted myself to Christ and to my future husband knowing that I do have a lot to give and hopefully my future husband has been preparing himself in the same manner. God bless you and your work BBB!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Lyndsay! Thank you so much for the hugs and the encouragement. I’m giving you a big hug right back! But seriously, it means so much that you would share your heart like this. You’re so right – you have SO MUCH to give. So so much. Your future husband is going to be one lucky fella! 🙂 hugs and love to your friend xox

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  2. So first, let me make a confession of my own since you made one already: I’m a 31 year-old male and I’m a virgin. Sounds like admitting an addiction, no? The peculiar thing is that in our culture, even as Christians, we are expected to have sex before marriage.

    I always enjoy the reasons: “The Bible was written a long time ago when people got married young.” “You won’t know how to please your wife/husband.” “It’s just sex.” Ad nauseam.

    Well, if there is an issue with The Bible being irrelevant due to its age, is murder okay now? Stealing? If you get married as a virgin, and your spouse is one too, you two will figure things out together, no? And you’ll never have someone else to compare them to. And sex is, of course, not just sex.

    Having known more than enough people who had sex before marriage, I have yet to hear that it was indeed just sex. There is always an emptiness and missing-piece syndrome. We have to realize that God didn’t make up the part about the two becoming one, and we are right to be greedy with whom we become one — perhaps the only allowable time, but I digress. Sex, as with all things, must take a back seat to what God desires of us, our desires important to Him but ever secondary.

    Forgive me for my candor, but a man who can’t understand why you are saving yourself for marriage doesn’t deserve someone like you (then, it is a rare man who actually does deserve the woman he ends up with). It follows that such a person has not done as much themselves, and you deserve as much, although such men are rare in extremis. But then rarity ought follow rarity.

    Listen, I know the loneliness that comes with celibacy, wanting to share yourself, in whole, with another person. It is hard to see others doing what we long for, while we are denied, but, as I wrote earlier, we as Christians must find God and His Word above our desires. We have to ask ourselves the terrifying question as to whether we would remain a virgin if we were denied marriage by God.

    As for how you felt exposed, well, you were. But there is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to feel embarrassed by. There is nothing that anyone thinks of us that compares to what God thinks of us. Confidence comes when we are sure of who God is and who we are to Him. You are not alone, though we are a seemingly dying breed. You are beautiful for choosing God over a man. And my goodness, your future husband ought to be thankful for the woman that you are and the difficult choice you have made.

    Remember this: beauty resides in the spirit, in the heart, never in the mirror or in the opinion of another person.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Hi Kello, wow. Thank you so much for this powerful reflection. I am seriously so uplifted after reading your words. And may I just say, you write beautifully! So. Much. Wisdom. Here. And I love hearing from a guy’s perspective. You’re right- admitting the V Card does feel like that! But everything you’ve said is so true…We’ve got to keep seeking God above our desires. Thank you for such powerful encouragement and hope. Fist bump through the screen for realz 🙂 hehe hugs and love xox

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      1. Glad the words meant something, though I simply try to write the truth.

        A bit of a tangent: ever find it extremely strange that a society that reveres fairy tales, particularly for romance, doesn’t want actual fairy tale love? Is there a single fairy tale where the couple has sex before getting married?

        And Christian is fine. I don’t normally go by my last name. 😛 Haha.

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  4. Hey there, I really appreciated your post. Don’t worry there are guys out there that are saving themselves for women of God who have saved themselves. I was 29 when I finally got married and lost my v-card. The awesome thing is that God blessed me with a wonderful wife who had also saved herself for me too. There is something awesome about being able to share that with each other for the first time all the great parts and all the awkwardness too. Hang on, it’s worth the wait and God will bless your faithfulness!

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I have only been with my husband. We didn’t wait until we were married .. However I am glad that I have only ever been with him. It will mean the world to your husband, and you will never regret the gift that you give him.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Thank you for sharing. I believe it took courage, and a nudge from Holy Spirit to be open with all who will read. Yet, even as I write that, it doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem right that a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ, is unusual because that person, male or female, is a virgin. What has happened to Righteousness and a Christian walk.
    Back when my wife and I were married 45 plus years ago, we were both virgins, but the pressure was not the same way back then as with you young people now. But again, I have trouble understanding that among Christians.
    I thank you for writing this, hoping that many young people will see or hear of your stand, and follow your example.
    It seems so strange to us, but even in a small group Bible Study that our daughter and son in law are in, only they and one other couple were virgins when they married. Apparently each couple said they gave their virginity to their future spouse, but it was still before marriage.
    Sorry for the ramble, but thanks again for your example, and telling your story.
    GOD’S ABUNDANT BLESSINGS!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi GM! wow thank you for this beautiful encouragement. What a beautiful example you and your wife are leading – 45 year, that’s so beautiful. Thank you for your kindness. It means more than you know. hugs and love to you and yours xox

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I totally understand because I didn’t have sex until I was married either. I got a lot of “offers”, dated a lot and did other things, (and truth be told, I shouldn’t have been), but I waited to “cash in the card” for the same reason you did. Some people didn’t understand that, but telling turned out to be an *excellent* “weed-out tool” to see which guys really liked me for *me* and which just wanted sex. I wasn’t concerned about him waiting (my husband had not) so much as whether or not he respected me and my beliefs enough not to push me too far. I had a virgin ex who didn’t. I guess I took a long time here to say that you’re not the only beautiful girl (inside and out) who didn’t want to give that part of herself until she was married.

    May God bless you and keep you.

    -Shannon, theprozacqueen.wordpress.com

    >

    Liked by 2 people

  9. God is directing us. He directs us to friends and away from those who we’re better off away from. He helps us see things in both kinds of people though. He doesn’t do it for us. He puts decisions to make, lessons to learn, and new paths to follow all in front of us for us to choose. Every path we choose helps us gain wisdom and knowledge in life. Sometimes we choose paths that need more of His help to get us on a better one. Sometimes we choose the better one and see His grace sooner. He tries to save us for the right one to be with. We can have friends and be close people of either gender. We can love them as He loves us. But he saves us for that one total love and while others may take rougher paths to discover it (some implode themselves before getting there sadly) its a better path to do exactly what you are doing!! Biggest hugs!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Migueltio, thank you so much for this! Wow, such uplifting words. I am so touched. You’re so right, we’re all on a journey, and learning LOTS along the way. I appreciate your encouraging words! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  10. It IS a gift to that man you will one day marry – but it is ALSO a gift to you. You don’t need to let anyone get that close to you who isn’t totally, 100%, committed to you. Sex is meant to be the culmination of togetherness and despite all societal evidence to the contrary, it can’t actually be done ‘casually’. Not without numbing our souls. You don’t need that. Nor do you need the anxiety and pain of non-casual-but-still-unmarried sex that may, or may not, end up in marriage. No. You don’t need that. You just keep believing that you are infinitely cherish-able, smarter than your average duck, and absolutely worth waiting for (’till marriage – whether or not he waited before).
    You are.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. I’d like to suggest you look at this from a slightly different angle. Keeping your virginity ‘for’ your husband-to-be is only part of it. The first priority is your Heavenly Father, who has made it abundantly clear that He does not approve of fornication (Matt 15:19-20 – Jesus speaking). The second priority is yourself, and it’s a matter of respect for YOU. Every time a person shares their body ‘loosely’ with another, they get hit with a download of that person’s spiritual baggage – and it stays. Say no more! The third priority is having that gift to share with your future husband. Do not regard virginity as ‘self denial’ for someone who has not showed up yet. You are maintaining your own integrity and your standing as a daughter of your Heavenly Father.

    Liked by 4 people

  14. (Trying again…)

    I am probably commenter #7429, but have you read my post titled, “Slut.” ? You could do worse, dear. Besides, it helps to back off and look at the big picture: from where I sit, my marriage that was supposed to last forever, lasted for 7 years, my two children who were going to have everything I didn’t, inherited my bipolar disorder AND birth defects, the loss or even the protection of my virginity until I was over 21 doesn’t even show up as a blip on my radar. Some things don’t turn out the way you thought the would…and sometimes you respond with, “Thank God!”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Kitsy! Oh no! I definitely got your last comment! I hope it shows up on your computer this time! Thank you for sharing this. I have not read that post yet, but I definitely will head on over and check it out! You’re right, sometimes things don’t turn out exactly as planned, but we have to just trust that we’ll end up where we’re supposed to. I’m sorry that your marriage didn’t last forever. Sending you a big hug. It’s hard to understand why things happen, but I have to just believe that He is good and in control. Hope you’re having a nice evening. So glad you stopped by my friend xox

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  15. Hugs!!! You have nothing to be ashamed about! I’m reminded of the parable of the mustard seed. I truly believe that in these situations, it is the Holy Spirit that speaks through us. Your friend was not in a place where he could understand the fullness of your message, which was really God’s message speaking through you, but just because you didn’t see the fruit of your great risk doesn’t mean that in time it won’t bear fruit. One day, when he is wiser and more understanding, maybe he will think back on that conversation and it will all come together. I can think of many instances in my recovery journey when that was the case for me. I needed more time and more grace and more repetition of the same message until it finally clicked, like the realization that I am forgiven. As a fellow V-card holder in my early 30s, I offer you my solidarity. I’ll never forget the time a friend outed me to my entire grad school class (of 200 people) by declaring, as grades were released, “This VIRGIN earned an honors in human sexuality!” I wanted to melt into the floor, and every time I thought of that moment, I could feels waves of shame wash over me. It’s been many years, and I can think about it without reexperiencing the hurt, but I still remember exactly what it was like. Sending so much love to you! Xoxoxo

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Lulu! Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. Oh my gosh. I am so sorry that that happened in grad school! Oh my gosh I giving you such a big hug. I want to smack the idiot that said that upside the head!!!! But seriously, you’ve offered so much wisdom here, it means the world. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this. And boy, can I relate to needing to be reminded that I’m forgiven. Holy camoley can I relate to that. But we are. God is so good. Sending bug hugs my friend ! xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was scrolling through the other comments here and marveling at the immediate and overwhelming responses to your post. It’s amazing the number of people who you encourage, inspire, uplift, but also challenge through your writing. When the Holy Spirit is at work, people are drawn together. The Spirit collects people to it. That’s what I see happening here. Whatever God’s purpose was for you on that emotional night, He is continuing to minister through you now. By the way, did you know that in the Ancient Greek of the bible, the word “witness” also means “martyr”? Not all of us are called to be actual martyrs, but I think that in this very secular Western culture, many people become martyrs of a different sort, by being countercultural and suffering the consequences in social status or reputation. I SO love you for your integrity, your vulnerability, and the way you both constantly remind and challenge me. I think the true attribution for this quote goes to newspaper columnist Red Smith, when asked if writing was easy, he said, “Why no. You simply sit down at the typewriter, open your veins, and bleed.” Thank you for sharing your heart. You are definitely not alone. ❤️

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      2. Wow, Lulu. You are such a great friend. Truly. I am so grateful for you. Thank you for this. Yes, I have been absolutely blown away by the kindness and encouragement people have so generously offered here. I am so touched by the love and true community that has come together. God is at work. And my goodness, that quote could not be more true! I love it! Thanks again for being you, Lulu. You really are a blessing! massive hugs xox

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Great post 🙂 Their are different kinds of reasons people love to talk about their virginity. Sometimes, it is because they want to feel what sex is like. Sometimes it is because they want to have children. Other reasons you can fill in the blank. Personally, I am not an expert on the topic as embarrassing as it probably sounds, but why do I get the very strange feeling that most (not all) people who lose their virginity are happy about it If they lose it after they get married? I hope this does not sound like an uneducated question, but talking to other people, they seem to have implied that? Nevertheless, you wrote a very intelligent post and keep up the great work as always 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Be proud of yourself and never let anyone else make you doubt YOU!..The V Card is something that is precious and something that a lot more people should think about. It is something that you can never get back and I’m sure there are many who wished they had waited. So proud of you.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Thank you for this post. It’s great to know that there are other believers who are putting God and His desires for their lives before their own fleshly desires and the normal desires of this world. Virginity is a precious gift and it should be saved and given to the man you marry. It is honoring to God, as well as to you and your future husband. I pray that more people would make this decision for their lives.

    I am in my mid-twenties, and like you, I have never “done it”. However, I was assaulted a few years ago and I am struggling with the thought that I no longer have anything to “give away”. I am being told by someone I really trust in my life that I didn’t choose what happened to me, and that I didn’t give myself away, it was taken. Hopefully someday I will be able to believe this, and I am going to continue to save myself so that the first time I CHOOSE to “do it” will be with my husband.

    Just know that you are definitely not alone. You are strong and beautiful and obedient to God. Keep the faith.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Grace, thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry that you were assaulted. That absolutely breaks my heart. Your friend who told you that is 100% right — it was taken from you. Stolen. You did not choose to do that but were assaulted. And it pains my heart to think that someone did not treat you as the precious gift that you are. You are worthy. You are loved. And you are worth waiting for. Sending you so much love and hugs xox

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  21. I just prayed 5 mins before checking my email and seeing this post! My prayer was to God that I want my own man that I can be one with” I too am a virgin! I am 29 approaching 30 (September) and I often feel like an alien. I was fine until recently when every one started asking why I am still single and asking about marriage. I am in no hurry to rush marriage however I don’t want to be single for ever. I am so thankful that you shared your story because it gets me hope and courage to keep standing strong!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Miss Logan 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing this! I’m so glad that our paths crossed tonight! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Grateful for you, friend. I totally can relate to everything you’re saying! hugs and love xox

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Same here… Approaching 30 soon & don’t wanna be single forever either. But you know something…I don’t think we will and it won’t be long. God is working on a very special man for us, so it’s critical (yeah, I know easier said than done) we are patient and faithful through this part of our lives

      Liked by 1 person

  22. I think everyone has pretty much covered it all. I think your waiting is beautiful and a precious treasure to the Lord. I was not walking with the Lord until 3 years into my marriage, age 24. I was not a virgin when we got married. However, since our marriage ended 13 years ago, I have kept myself for Jesus and am waiting for the one He has for me. I know it’s hard, but God is faithful. You get even stranger reactions when you were once married, have 3 kids, and are now celibate!! I like to have fun with it when I can. Anytime a doctor asks the question, “Is it possible you could be pregnant?” I answer, “Unless Jesus is coming back the second time the way He did the first, then no.” Haha!! It gets them laughing 😂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. hahaha oh my gosh that answer to your doctor is priceless!! 🙂 hehe thank you for sharing this. You’re so right — God is faithful. And He will provide. Trusting Him is the hardest part. God is preparing those men for us right now:) Sending big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Let me begin by telling you that you’re one of the rarest, most beautiful people in the entire world.

    I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

    Now, allow me to be as transparent as you have been…I’m a man and like many who have posted comments thus far, I’m also a virgin. I have for many years been proud of that character trait because it’s a symbol of my obedience to my God, but for some time now I’ve felt alone and ashamed for being the man that I am…for waiting to have sex…for saving myself for the woman I may one day call my wife.

    And after reading your words today I have hope again that God has done a wonderful thing in preserving those whom He has chosen. Very much like Elijah when God told him that He had saved 7000 in Israel who had not bowed a knee to Baal…

    Your words, along with many who have commented here, are a reminder that I’m not alone.

    Take Courage…Stay true to God…Stay true to yourself…Stand firm in what you believe…Always stand firm in God!

    God bless you, my dear…and thank you. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow. I am so humbled and touched by your comment. Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your heart. I so agree…reading these comments, I have been profoundly moved in knowing that I’m not alone in this. I was getting really discouraged, believing that I was literally the only one, but I have just been so encouraged by everyone sharing their stories too! Hang in there my friend. We’re not alone and God is good! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  26. Whom you sleep with and when is a deeply personal choice, whether it’s based on your religious beliefs or not. Choosing to remain chaste until marriage is a decision that you’ve clearly thought through carefully. Be loud and proud, and have sex when you’re ready to. No apologies sister. And this coming from a woman who made a completely different choice. Sending you love for being brave.

    Liked by 3 people

  27. I love this so much! I’m sharing this on Facebook. By the way, you’re totally not alone!

    -An ankle-length skirt, orthopedic shoe *insert* wearing virgin with ONLY ONE cat, thank you very much 🙂

    Seriously though, I also hate that exposed feeling you get when telling someone you’re a virgin. But it’s also an opportunity to witness about what Jesus has done for us, and that’s why we want to wait for our husbands.

    I also like your comparison of Jesus giving all of himself on the cross, to us giving all of us to our spouse. I had never heard it put that way before. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend! Aw, thank you so much for this encouragement! hahahah oh my gosh you’ve got me cracking up with the *inserts* hahahah you go girl! But really, it’s nice to know I’m not alone and I’m very grateful for your kind words. And thanks for the shout out on Facebook. *much appreciated* 🙂 hugs and love!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No problem! Haha, it’s true, I wouldn’t be caught dead in the shoes, but my feet get crampy without my Dr. Scholls inserts. xD I have no shame! *hugs*

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  28. I think that this is a wonderful decision that you’ve made, and a great commitment to God, yourself, and your future husband. Virginity is sacred and it should only be given away to the one you marry. It is honoring to God, yourself, and your future husband. Your obedience and your wilingnss to put God’s desires for your life higher on your priority list than your own desires for your life or the desires of this world is inspiring. I hope that others who read this will follow your example.

    I’m in my mid twenties, and I too have never “done it”. I always stood firm on that and have never waivered in my decision or commitment to God. However, I was assaulted a couple of years ago. I am really struggling with the thought and belief that I no longer have anything to “give away.” I struggle with thinking that I failed to keep my purity, even though I never wanted it to happen. There is a person in my life whom I trust a great deal who is trying to help me to see that God does not hold that against me, and that I haven’t “given” anything away. It was taken. So I’m trying to take this advice and make it my belief, although it seems impossible at times. I do know, however, that I am going to save the first time I CHOOSE to give of myself for my future husband after we are married.

    I just want you to know that you are not alone. You are blessed and loved and you are choosing to honor God. You are making a wise choice and I only pray that more people would make this commitment. Keep the faith.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi again friend (I believe this is Grace Wins?) 🙂 Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart and story. I am so sorry that you were assaulted. That absolutely breaks my heart. Your friend who told you that is 100% right — it was taken from you. Stolen. You did not choose to do that but were assaulted. And it pains my heart to think that someone did not treat you as the precious gift that you are. You are worthy. You are loved. And you are worth waiting for. Sending you so much love and hugs xox

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  29. So there isn’t really much left to say that hasn’t already been said in the comments but I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to share this. Thank you for showing that it is not a commodity to be given away to some random (although no judgement to those who enjoy participating in the act..Go Get it). Thank you for not only voicing but validating my views on the subject… and if you couldn’t tell, I’m also a virgin and I’m 22. Thank you for showing me and lots of others like me that we aren’t alone and saving oneself is not a myth and completely respectable. And if I haven’t said it enough, I’ll say it again, THANK YOU!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi there Miss Larisha. Thank you so much for this heartfelt note. It really means a lot. I agree — no judgement here if people have chosen otherwise. This is just my personal belief on the matter. But it is nice to know I am not alone. 🙂 Grateful for you friend 🙂 hugs and much love to you xox

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  30. I am proud of you for sharing this! And thank you because you just stop myself from losing my Virginity just because… Sometimes when we get lonely we have a tendency of doing things … Most of the times they aren’t the right one …
    Xoxo, love you girl ! You are beautiful and not alone .

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  31. It’s just a sad reflection of our times that the word virgin is considered to be a major insult. It shouldn’t be that way. Especially when you consider all of the moral and physical and mental misery promiscuity can lead to.

    Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a holy and precious thing that no man can give back to you.

    Just consider this: When Jesus came to Earth, he could have chosen anyone to be his mother. He chose a virgin. Furthermore, when the angel came to announce this news to her, her main concern was the possibility of losing her virginity. As soon as the angel reassured her that she would stay a virgin, she accepted.

    So, hold on to that V card with pride and dignity. And rock on, girl! 😀

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi friend! Thank you so much for this encouragement. Wow, I had never thought about that with Mary, but you’re absolutely right. Gosh, that is so powerful. Thanks for this profound insight!! have a great night! hugs and love to you xox

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  32. Your parents were right in saying “relationships are about giving. If you go into it thinking it’s the other way around, you’re going to end up disappointed and hurt.” I’m married and I can vouch for that. But then husband and wife must realize that it applies to them both, so that by mutually giving- you both enjoy the amazing gifts of receiving as well.

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  34. This was a fabulously transparent read…. You are not alone. I am encouraged by the many people telling you that. I have been criticized and heckeled & even accused of lying about it…. but the only one in this equation that matters is you….

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  36. I think you are awesome, both for doing what you think is right inside & also for expressing your experience of what happened with this guy. It is sooo important to accept and love our process and also to respect ourselves. God bless you friend.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for this friend. I so appreciate your encouragement! You’re so right – we’re all on a journey and we’ve got to learn to love the process! hugs and love to you xox

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  38. Oh wow, I love this! You’ll never ever regret your decision to remain a virgin until marriage. And what you said about relationships not being about what’s in it for me is spot on. I’ve been married for 37 years and I’m still learning that, but I can say that the sweetest joys come from putting myself on the back burner and letting hubby be the one I bless. One last thing – my daughter, not married yet, says that she plans to remain a virgin until marriage. She’s met her special someone and I pray that they both stay strong. She said to give in would be like opening her Christmas presents before Christmas. Christmas day wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if she did that. Stay strong and remember that the way is narrow, and not many are traveling that direction – but it’s the best and only way!

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  39. I cannot like this enough! I was in your shoes once, with that exact same conversation. It lost me several guys that I thought I could have envisioned a future with. BUT… the right guy came along. The one that understood exactly what your momma said… it’s about what you GIVE, not what you GET out of the relationship. And I kept my V card until we got married, 5 years ago. It’s possible, and shouldn’t affect your confidence. You’re my hero!

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  41. Thank you so much for this. I had one of those long nights a couple weeks ago, when I was up till stupid o’clock in the morning wondering about the whole topic of waiting and marriage and love. (It’s a particular sensitive issue, I think, for a lot of Christian young adults – nowadays, especially.) I made the personal decision to not only save my virginity and my first kiss, but to spend my teenage years seeking God; that means, until I’m 21 (next year), I won’t date or enter any relationships. It’s something I committed to because I wanted to seek God before anything, and I’ve been questioned a lot about it by (and this probably hurts the most) Christians around me. And that night, all the doubts that had been fed to me kinda exploded and I was questioning everything.

    But, as I was experiencing all of this uncertainty, I wrote a letter to my future husband titled “One Day”, that was 100% led by the Holy Spirit:

    “Right now, I am not okay. One day, though, I will be.

    One day, I will sit with you as you read this letter, and I will roll my eyes and apologise for how emotional I was.
    One day, you will hold my hand as we stand at the altar, and I will tell you that it was all worth it.
    One day, we will have our first kiss.
    One day, we’ll have our first fight as a married couple, and there will be tears and harsh words, but we will decide to talk about it as mature adults instead of resorting to childish behaviours.
    One day, we will travel to a foreign country and get lost and have to rely on shoddy translation apps and a book as we try and find our way to our motel before the sun sets.
    One day, I will pee on a stick and we will no longer be a family of two.
    One day, we will go to the hospital and hold our firstborn in our arms and stand in awe at how amazing our God is.
    One day, our first child will take their first step.
    One day, three will turn into four, and we will make less mistakes with our second, but still learn how to navigate being parents.
    One day, we will watch with pride as our children begin their own personal relationship with God as Christians.
    One day, our children will grow up and leave to do whatever it is God has called them to do, and we will be two in a house once more.
    One day, we will get the call from a nervous young man asking permission to marry our daughter, and we will smile and reminisce about our wedding day all those years ago.
    One day, the news will come that we have a new title – grandparents.
    And finally, one day, we will leave behind this temporary life we have been granted, and we will go Home, where we will spend eternity with our Creator and the Author of our lives.

    One day, but not now.

    And I’m okay with that. Because more than I want all that I’ve listed, I know what I already have is so much more incredible. Because right now, I have God. Or, rather, God has me. And I know He will never let go, ever. One day, I will see Him face to face for the first time. If that alone is the ‘one day’ that comes true and nothing else, I am satisfied. Everything else fades in the truth of the glory of God and the gospel.”

    You’re not alone in this, sister. Keep fighting, keep waiting. And one day, God will bring you and your husband together – and it will be more beautiful than you could ever imagine. 🙂 ❤

    ~ Eleora.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Eleora, oh my gosh can i just say how beautiful this is!? you’ve got me all choked up. wow. thank you for sharing this poem and for encouraging me that i am not alone. i can’t tell you how much it means to me. and you’re absolutely right – God’s has you and I. and what a comforting thought that is. sending big big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 🙂 Heh, thanks. All God, though; I can never write like that on my own, haha.

        You’re most welcome! Thank YOU, for all your posts! They really encourage and help me. 🙂

        Sending hugs right back at you! ❤️❤️❤️

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      5. I was just thinking that day about the whole thing with marriage and waiting and stuff. Not only is it rather anti cultural in this day and age but it’s almost become a negative stigma for us – and yet, Christians are also the ones shooting us down.

        I mean, I’ve had Christian friends tell me that I should ‘date around’ or that waiting instead of pursuing relationships now isn’t something that’s good.

        To quote someone, “If a boy really wants to eat at a restaurant, and he goes to it and finds it shut, he’s not going to wait for it to open. He’s going to find another restaurant.” And I was told that I was, basically, a ‘shut restaurant’.

        I wanted to reply, “Yes but a restaurant has many customers; I will only have one person. If you really want to go with a restaurant analogy, I’m more like a dish being prepared by the Chef for a particular someone. And by golly, he’ll wait till I’m ‘perfect’ and ready, or he’ll end up disappointed.” But I didn’t say anything because the person who told me was much older than me and I couldn’t really talk back. Kinda wish I had, though. XD

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      6. Oh my gosh. Wow. I am speechless after that restaurant analogy. That is so so sad. I’m am sorry that person said that to you. You’re right-we are exquisite dishes:) we’re the catch of the day:) hehe I could have fun with this lol – but really, keep your head up. You are a treasure. Precious. Hang in there friend xox

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      7. In hindsight it was really funny, because I’m sure she meant well (I think what she meant was that I should try and keep an open mind about it and not be so quick to write off dating?) but it came across… Rather differently.

        I had heaps of fun with with it (feel free to, too, if you want) – though I realised the dish analogy falls short once you consider the fact that God is preparing the guy, too. Does that make us both parts of the same dish? He’s the steak and I’m the mash potatoes? XD

        Awww, thank you! You are, too! 😀

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  43. Praise God for your honesty and commitment. You are such a rare soul in a world full of ease. Praise God that He has done this in you! Your virginity is not foolish and a godly man will spend all of his days in thanksgiving for a woman who pursued after the Lord. Anyone else who tells you that your virginity is foolish is the fool. Go rock those pancakes and orthopedic suit. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  44. Wow. I was browsing similar fitness-related blogs and don’t know how I came upon this. This is probably the most vulnerable, real post that I’ve read on WordPress.

    I’m not a virgin, but maybe I can offer some words that might offer some insight.

    This past Sunday, my pastor gave a sermon about “praying for the right reasons”. Basically, the message was that when we pray or sing or do anything Christian, we shouldn’t care about what others’ opinion. The only opinion we should care about is God’s. We shouldn’t feel the need to tell somebody that we prayed or did something good. And if we do, we should ask ourselves, who are we praying to? God, or other humans?

    I think this kind of relates to your situation. You’re clearly pretty close to that guy that you were talking to, so it’s understandable that his shock over your v-card could shake your confidence a bit. But when you make a big decision like saving your virginity, ask yourself, who are you making that decision for? If it’s not that guy, then you shouldn’t be stressed over his opinion.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey friend! wow, thank you for this great perspective. first of all, i’m so glad our paths crossed and that you stopped by! and secondly, i just really appreciate your encouraging words. It means a lot. what a powerful sermon. sounds like a great pastor! have a great week! hugs and love xox

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    1. Hi Rob! Aw, thank you so much! I so appreciate you passing them along to your girls. It means so much. I hope they resonate with them! and absolutely! i look forward to checking out your stuff! hugs xox

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  47. Dear BBB, God looks at our hearts and in you he sees a heart of gold because you are more dear to him than the world. Don’t be discouraged or upset by the words of people who do not have an intimate relationship with God like you. Instead know that God has reserved the best for you. Your mother is absolutely right, relationship’s all about giving if you want to see it blossom. You are God’s beloved and chosen one and he has great plans for you and plans that are for your benefit (Jeremiah 29:11).
    Stay blessed and keep blogging!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Delon! Thank you so much for this encouragement. wow, i am so touched by your kindness. you’re right, God has a good plan for all of us. What a comfort in knowing that. so glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  48. I love your boldness in saying it publicly. Virginity doesn’t mean “I can’t get laid”, it means “I won’t carry deeper emotional damage into my marriage”. Attachment issues come to the fore when sex enters a relationship, and the brain doesn’t care if you’re married to the other person.

    Go, team V-Card!

    P.S. I think you’d appreciate my latest blog about loving yourself: https://thinkfreedomblog.wordpress.com/2016/06/10/love-yourself/

    Liked by 2 people

  49. What a powerful post! I pray it encourages others who are walking in your shoes. It is good for all V card holders to know they are not alone. I am amazed at your dedication to your future husband. It reflects your strength that comes through our Savior. You are an amazing woman. When the day comes when you meet your husband, it will be a blessed union. Blessings.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much for this kindness. I am truly touched by your words. And Yes! It has been so incredibly powerful to read from others their stories and learn that, indeed, I am not alone. Feeling very blessed and encouraged tonight. so thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙂 big hugs and love to you friend xox

      Liked by 1 person

  50. Wow it’s crazy how transparent you are on this blog! i applaud you for that, and you look amazing in that dress finally i am in the same page as you and it makes me happy that were not old frumpy people like steve carrell

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