V Card

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

OK. It’s time we talk about virginity.

*Takes a shot of whisky.*

Scratch that.

It’s time we talk about my virginity.

*Takes another shot. Slams down the glass.*

buffy_drinking

Ok. Now I feel prepared to take on this topic.

Allow me to set the stage:

Saturday night. 4 am. The sun is just starting to rise and the sky is that dusty heather gray color. NYC looks just like they try to portray it in the movies – a sleeping giant with steep buildings, daring the sun to challenge its dominance.

And I’m bleary eyed, mascara stained, just sobbing. I’m in my pjs. The beautiful, sparkly dress and heels I wore that evening, crumpled in a pile on the floor — along with my dignity.

Pause. NO I did not “do it.” Although, reading that back, it kinda sounds like the beginning of a cheap romance novel. 😛

No. This scene was the result of a very real, very raw, very — vulnerable — conversation.

About…my V card.


Long story short, this guy I’ve been kind of, potentially interested in just straight up asked me about it.

Now, before you get ready to B-Slap him with an attitude, it wasn’t like that. Nothing rude. Nothing invasive.

It was actually very respectful. And he wasn’t trying to pressure me either.

The convo went a little something like this:

“BBB. I don’t understand. Every weekend a different guy tries to take you home, but you never do. Why is that?”

And it wasn’t like I just blurted out…OH, I’M A VIRGIN! With three thumbs up emojis.

No, I’ve known him for 4 years, and it was a long, drawn out convo in the back of the bar, just us. He may have just kissed me. A lady never tells.

But I told him: I’m saving myself for my husband.

And it like, boggled his mind. He was so intrigued by this. So interested. So riveted in the why behind it.

And, as it was last call, we continued the convo into a cab he had hailed to drop me off.

Again, don’t read this through the filter of a serial killer — he’s a gentleman and wanted to drop me off, as it was 4am and a gal in a short dress shouldn’t be walking alone.

But he was literally so fascinated. He couldn’t believe that I was still a virgin.

So you’ve never had sex?

No.

Don’t you want to?

Um, hellooo.

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Our conversation jumped around, between what it means to be in a relationship, what we think about marriage, vulnerabilities, what we believe in. It was all really great…ish.

But the whole time I just felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.

It’s not like I’m ashamed of my decision to wait, I just felt really exposed. Like I was standing in front of a big crowd, unaware that my dress was tucked into my granny panties in the back. I felt stupid.

But he said, “I am just worried that your future husband isn’t going to appreciate what you’re doing. What if he’s not able to give you that back? What if you don’t get that?”

And this, is what sparked this post. This is what made me get up out of bed after crying myself to sleep and write about it.

I think there’s a grave misconception about relationships these days: what are you going to get out of it. 

What’s in it for you? What are you going to get from the marriage or from the relationship?

And that‘s exactly where my decision to remain a virgin stems from.

Because relationships aren’t about what you’re going to get.

They’re about what you can give.

And that’s why I’m waiting. Because I love my future husband enough that I want to save my body and my whole self for him only. I want to give that to him. I’m not expecting to get anything. Would it be amazing if he was waiting too? Yes. But I don’t expect that. What I do expect is that God is preparing the heart of my future husband right this very minute, just as He’s preparing mine.

My parents have been married for 40+ years. And that’s one thing my mother always taught me: relationships are about giving. If you go into it thinking it’s the other way around, you’re going to end up disappointed and hurt.

So how did I end up with tear stains on my pillow after that open and honest communication in the cab?

Well, honestly, I just felt really alone. Not in an Enrique Iglesias Give Me Just One Night kind of way.

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But alone in a misunderstood, foolish, exposed kind of way.

And in some ways I felt like a fraud.

Here’s the thing.

Let’s be honest…there’s a bit of a stereotype about virginity.

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Thanks, Steve Carell.

But, I’m pretty confident. Or at least, I’m good at acting like I’m confident. I enjoy flirting, dancing, wearing the latest fashions.

Frankly, I don’t think I come off as this ankle-length-skirt-with-orthopedic-shoes-wearing-virgin-who-has-6-cats-at-home.

But after revealing my virginity, I felt like somebody stripped away that confident exterior, exposing this inner dweeb that shouldn’t be out socializing because of severe social anxiety and a highly spastic colon or something.

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I feel like from now on, I’m forever going to be seen through the lens of “virgin.”

I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt alone.

And 6 hours later, I still do.

So.

I’m going to get up. Make myself a nice breakfast. And open up God’s love letter to me: the bible.

And I’m going to remind myself that I am not any of those things.

I am not alone: Jesus endured everything we’ve ever gone through, times 100. He was literally stripped down and exposed during the Passion.

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I am not ugly. But I am a handcrafted work of art, created lovingly by the Father.

My virginity is not dumb. It is an act of love to my future husband. One that I should celebrate. Jesus gave Himself fully and completely to His love — us — on the Cross,  so I can do the same for my future love.

Anywho. Thanks for listening.

Gonna go eat pancakes and put on my orthopedic shoes and head gear.

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Byeee

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

991 thoughts on “V Card”

  1. Dear BBB.
    Wow!
    It’s hard to find the right words, as English is not my native language but…
    You are Brave. You are Beautiful. You are Brilliant and you are simply the Best! (That was an extra B, but you deserve it!
    Lennart in Sweden

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Hi Lennart! Oh my gosh what a kind response! Wow! I am so touched. Thank you! And oh Sweden ❤️ I visited my friend for midsommar a couple years ago and it was the best trip of my life! Sweden is beautiful and so much fun! Hugs to you friend! Xox

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You are like a diamond, taking in light through its facets and distributing colors. The social norm, is relationships that are so casual they border pathetic. You reflect your uniqueness against it and that warmth is felt. Be that diamond and continue to share your own unique color displacing light and reflecting your own unique color. Sometimes the hardest thing is being yourself.

    Liked by 5 people

      3. I think you’d like Diablo Cody’s movie, Paradise. Your life seems similar to the main character.

        Like

  4. Amen to this! Being a Christian in this day and age is getting harder and harder. Even some of my Christian friends have used up their ‘V-card’, and I begin to look stupid even in those circles. It hurts sometimes, but it’ll all be worth it one-day. Thanks for putting this stuff into words!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Being counter-cultural involves a lot of trying moments, and feeling alone is just an indication that you’re doing it right. Don’t be weary, He makes trying moments as bricks out of which He builds the edifice of glory for you. Praying for you BBB.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Thanks for sharing! It is sad how our society is making sex cheap when it is truly sacred. Our bodies are not our own but are the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. I remember high school, being one of the few girls who were virgins. The other girls thought that we were missing out. And yet they went through horrible break ups (because sex is binding) and many ended up becoming parents…they missed out.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing thing. You’re right-high school was definitely a difficult time to navigate relationships. So many hormones! Haha but seriously-you’re right about our bodies being temples. Amen to that. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  8. Take it from someone who waited, who has many friends who waited, it’s TOTALLY worth it! Not because it guarantees a perfect sex life in marriage or even a spouse that also waited but because God honours obedience. If self-sacrificial love is the key to a successful marriage, then you are already on the right track to having something beautiful.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Lulu, thank you so much for sharing this. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Consent is so important, and such a timely topic given everything happening in the news lately. It is critical that we instill its importance with young people. thanks for stopping by. hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Your virginity doesnt define who you are. You dont walk into a room full of people and say ‘hi, i’m a virgin’. Its no one elses business but yours and your future husband. I commend you for your beliefs, and hope the guy you give this once in a lifetime commodity to is in awe of it as he should be.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Amazing! You just spoke for people like me. I can soooo relate to this! 😀 Someone once told me virgins are like unicorns in this day and age. It’s always good to hear a fellow unicorn remain so steadfast with their decision. I respect you and I’m proud of you. This was definitely empowering! You go girl! ❤

    Liked by 6 people

  13. Wow BBB! Thanks for sharing.

    Even though awkward, these conversations are very important and can avoid a lot of heartache in the future. I had gone through a similar conversation with my bf and trust me it solved many open ended questions about the future. Though he had a different opinion than mine then, a vague 50:50 opinion, by God’s grace, even he believes in the same now.

    It is difficult but please do not feel sad-ish. May our Lord keep you strong always..

    Loads of love & hugs
    Carol

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Carol! Thank you so much for the encouragement! It really means a lot. That’s so awesome that you were able to have a dialogue with your bf about this topic. That’s so inspiring! Glad you stopped by! loads of love and hugs right back atcha! 🙂 xox

      Like

  15. YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!
    What an awesome post!! I pray every day for my own kids to have this understanding of what relationships are and what sex actually means.

    It’s WONDERFUL! You have NOTHING to be ashamed about, in fact, you should be PROUD!

    Liked by 5 people

  18. I adore this, and you are correct, it IS about giving, and your husband to be will be forever grateful, hold and keep your V card close to your chest, here in the UK we have an advertisement for a chocolate called ROLO, and the punchline is “do you love someone enough to give them your last ROLO ?!”
    Your V is like that ROLO ….
    Thankyou for sharing this post
    Take care
    Regards
    Paul

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Paul, thank you for this great encouragement. Oh my gosh that’s funny about the ROLO! But so true! That’s true love. That’s what love should be. So glad you stopped by! Sending hugs and love xox
      PS- craving chocolate now! haha

      Like

  20. I used to be in the exact same position as you, the difference was, I lied when asked about it. I was confident, flirty, but terrified when questions like that came up. And that is my only regret!!
    I don’t regret waiting. I married (at 32 I might add) and gave myself completely to my husband, who had also waited, thanks be to God. I don’t think I missed out on anything, I KNOW that we were meant to be together and I am certain your future husband is not only out there, but waiting too. Waiting for the love of his life. Waiting for someone who respects herself enough to say ‘no’ and for someone who is already putting him before herself.
    I applaud you!!
    I wish I had spoken up before I was married. I wish I had not been embarrassed or ashamed. And if my words mean anything, I truly hope that you continue to speak about this! Be proud, you should be. And keep up the good work. 🙂 god bless you. Xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Cat, thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. Your words absolutely touched my heart and were so uplifting. What a beautiful love story you and your husband have. So inspiring. I really appreciate you sharing. Sending big hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Love your honesty BBB, you are a real leader for those who may be wavering in their faith. Your knight in shining armor is out there, but maybe its time to check out where the ones with the qualities you want hang out. New York’s social scene doesn’t seem very promising. God Bless.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Nanny, thank you so much for your kind word. I so appreciate the encouragement. I think you’re right – I’ve gotta start hanging out where the knights are hanging out — which, unfortunately, I don’t think is at a bar at 4am lol You’ve given me much to think about! Thank you thank you thank you! hugs and love xox

      Like

  22. Wow, learning something new about you every time ☺ For a woman there’s a lot of trust involved in opening up to a man physically. Women get so much energy and liveliness from sex that I hope you will have that in your life. All the best

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for this reflection. You’re right – it’s a huge vulnerability. I look forward to sharing that with my husband one day 🙂 Glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox

      Like

  25. I love Lennart’s comment! You certainly deserve all the Bs! You’ve made yourself vulnerable here and I’m sure this will have encouraged many other young ladies who have decided, like you, that this is a gift they want to give their husband. Your mother taught you well – all relationships are more about giving than taking and marriage in particular. Kudos to you both! And, of course, God bless you! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Stephen! Haha yeah that was certainly clever with the B’s! haha Seriously though, thank you for this kind encouragement. Your words have touched my spirit. thank you. hugs and love xox

      Like

  30. It’s wonderful what you are doing. It just doesn’t seem to matter much anymore in the world we live in. I know God will bless you for your courage and strength. I know that I do not regret waiting.

    Liked by 2 people

  31. BBB, I think it is amazing that you have chosen to take that stance. It is a true testament to where your devotion and heart is. I was in the same mindset with my first wife. I prided myself on being a virgin when I got married. I do truly wish I could have saved that honor for my current wife, because she is definitely worth it(so was the first one); but as maturity sets in, we realize how much more of an honor and a privilege our relationships are. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Thank you for being so transparent in a society that is often fake. People need to hear these testimonies. First of all, you are who God designed you to be and that is awesome. I always share your posts with the ladies at the mission and this one is special.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey friend! Wow, I am so touched by your encouragement. God is good, and I do trust in His perfect timing and good plan for my life — which includes my love life! haha And gosh, thank you for sharing my posts with your ladies.I am honored. I will definitely keep you and your ministry in my prayers. Sending big hugs!

      Like

      1. Please be in prayer regarding a tremendous opportunity God has given me. I received an invitation to be the guest speaker at a convention being held in August at the Victory Church of Chepstow UK Wales. This will be my first international preaching event…so this is new territory for me. God truly is the above and beyond God!

        Like

  35. I heard a statistic that Millenials, unlike your GenX counterparts are actually less into the casual sex and more into either waiting until marriage or a committed relationship, if that even. I think you are not as alone as you think you are. Somehow this makes me think of -and definitely is not the same thing as – having a mental illness and all the taboo about whether or not to bring it up to others because you don’t want them to think you’re weird or unlovable.
    Hang in there. It is entirely possible, people really do still do this today. What I’m most impressed with by your story here is that you had the courage to have a conversation about it for an extended length of time with someone you care about. It is hard to have those conversations. Good work.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Leena, thank you so much for this reflection. I just read that statistic too! Which is really encouraging. I really appreciate your affirming words – you’re right, that convo was difficult, but he is a really great guy. I trust him a lot. And it actually was really revealing that I felt safe enough to confide that in him. Definitely makes me think about what that means….haha So glad you stopped by. sending hugs and love xox

      Like

  36. I know exactly how you are feeling as I have felt that way before also. But I promise you the wait is worth it. And you will look back someday and be so thankful that you stuck it out, and you’re husband will consider it a huge gift. Be proud of yourself ☺️

    Liked by 2 people

  37. I love this. This truly shows your inner beauty and strength. The waiting is worth it because after you make the commitment to your husband, you can enjoy all the pleasures that come with it as God intended.

    Liked by 2 people

  39. So great! I waited until marriage and my husband waited as well. Our relationship was built on more than physical affection and what we get out of it. I was so excited when I read this study this past week that found marriages where the bride is a virgin rarely end in divorce. You are setting yourself up for success! Good for you!!

    Liked by 2 people

  40. First of all, right on for still having your virginity.
    Secondly, too many people lose theirs to the wrong person. Sure, these days, I’ve heard of people as old as 9 losing their virginity and giving birth at eleven.

    What is wrong with society?
    Thirdly, you should be proud of being strong and courageous to come forth about this.

    I wish I would’ve waited for my husband…. but teenage years and such.
    Hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

  41. It is good that you wait. So many single mothers because they thought they found the one and gave it up too early. But it does not necessarily mean you must wait until marriage. If you have a male friend that you love and care for like a best friend; and know you both will not feel awkward about after, then give it a shot. Any good man will love you regardless of whether you are a virgin or not. I am 38 now. Been in several relationships in my time and never once encountered a virgin. I did not love them any less for it. Keep your convictions though. It is a wise move. Finish school, become successful, and then consider it.

    Liked by 2 people

      2. ❤️❤️❤️thank you for your service to this country. Truly. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You sacrificed a lot for our freedom and it appreciated more than words can express. ❤️❤️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  43. Hey there sweetheart, you have become one of my top 5 Heroes along with Mother Teresa & Joni Eareckson-Tada. You are an excellent writer & a woman more precious than rubies. God is pouring out the storehouses of heaven on you & you will not be able to contain it. Thank you for your generosity & courage in sharing your soul. I love you as one of my own children. Judy

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Judy! Wow wow wow I am so humbled and touched by your kind words. Thank you. I cannot tell you how much your love and support means to mean. You are a blessing to me. hugs and lots of love xox

      Like

  44. Thank you for sharing. I felt like I was reading my own diary entry. When people find out I am waiting for marriage (also VERY single) they do not understand and it leads me to feel like I did something wrong, that I am stupid and unwanted. It does not help that family and friends are constantly trying to get me to go on dates with non-Christians and “get it over with.” Not my cup of tea but it makes me feel better there are others that get it!

    Liked by 2 people

  45. I really appreciated you sharing your vulnerability. I agree: it’s not about what you get from others; it’s what you give. Your virginity it like a gold ribbon that gift wraps your spirit until you give it all to your lover, and he unties and unites his spirit with yours and God’s. Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

  48. I admire what you have written, and it’s a fight I’m fighting on behalf of my 3 daughters even today. Just remember… “…but God…shows His love for in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”(Romans 5:8 ESV) Continue to live your Godward life Beebs…look forward and up, and hold the course. You are pleasing to your Heavenly Father. Des

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Des, thank you so much for this encouragement. And I absolutely love that verse. it is so powerful. God is so good and loves us immensely — baggage and all. Have a beautiful day! hugs xox

      Like

  50. BBB, I love that you can be very transparent about something very personal! The fact that you stand for something so firmly and out of love shows what a beautiful heart you have. I, too, saved myself for my husband and it was a choice I’m so glad I made. I never had to regret a night because I made a poor choice.I was young and loved to flirt and look pretty too. I just knew God had something waiting for me, and I wanted to wait for him. You are making a beautiful choice. You are beautiful inside and it surely shows outside too!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Samantha! Thank you so much for this encouragement. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. What a beautiful testimony you have for true love. Thanks for sharing. Sending big hugs and love xox

      Like

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