V Card

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

OK. It’s time we talk about virginity.

*Takes a shot of whisky.*

Scratch that.

It’s time we talk about my virginity.

*Takes another shot. Slams down the glass.*

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Ok. Now I feel prepared to take on this topic.

Allow me to set the stage:

Saturday night. 4 am. The sun is just starting to rise and the sky is that dusty heather gray color. NYC looks just like they try to portray it in the movies – a sleeping giant with steep buildings, daring the sun to challenge its dominance.

And I’m bleary eyed, mascara stained, just sobbing. I’m in my pjs. The beautiful, sparkly dress and heels I wore that evening, crumpled in a pile on the floor — along with my dignity.

Pause. NO I did not “do it.” Although, reading that back, it kinda sounds like the beginning of a cheap romance novel. 😛

No. This scene was the result of a very real, very raw, very — vulnerable — conversation.

About…my V card.


Long story short, this guy I’ve been kind of, potentially interested in just straight up asked me about it.

Now, before you get ready to B-Slap him with an attitude, it wasn’t like that. Nothing rude. Nothing invasive.

It was actually very respectful. And he wasn’t trying to pressure me either.

The convo went a little something like this:

“BBB. I don’t understand. Every weekend a different guy tries to take you home, but you never do. Why is that?”

And it wasn’t like I just blurted out…OH, I’M A VIRGIN! With three thumbs up emojis.

No, I’ve known him for 4 years, and it was a long, drawn out convo in the back of the bar, just us. He may have just kissed me. A lady never tells.

But I told him: I’m saving myself for my husband.

And it like, boggled his mind. He was so intrigued by this. So interested. So riveted in the why behind it.

And, as it was last call, we continued the convo into a cab he had hailed to drop me off.

Again, don’t read this through the filter of a serial killer — he’s a gentleman and wanted to drop me off, as it was 4am and a gal in a short dress shouldn’t be walking alone.

But he was literally so fascinated. He couldn’t believe that I was still a virgin.

So you’ve never had sex?

No.

Don’t you want to?

Um, hellooo.

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Our conversation jumped around, between what it means to be in a relationship, what we think about marriage, vulnerabilities, what we believe in. It was all really great…ish.

But the whole time I just felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.

It’s not like I’m ashamed of my decision to wait, I just felt really exposed. Like I was standing in front of a big crowd, unaware that my dress was tucked into my granny panties in the back. I felt stupid.

But he said, “I am just worried that your future husband isn’t going to appreciate what you’re doing. What if he’s not able to give you that back? What if you don’t get that?”

And this, is what sparked this post. This is what made me get up out of bed after crying myself to sleep and write about it.

I think there’s a grave misconception about relationships these days: what are you going to get out of it. 

What’s in it for you? What are you going to get from the marriage or from the relationship?

And that‘s exactly where my decision to remain a virgin stems from.

Because relationships aren’t about what you’re going to get.

They’re about what you can give.

And that’s why I’m waiting. Because I love my future husband enough that I want to save my body and my whole self for him only. I want to give that to him. I’m not expecting to get anything. Would it be amazing if he was waiting too? Yes. But I don’t expect that. What I do expect is that God is preparing the heart of my future husband right this very minute, just as He’s preparing mine.

My parents have been married for 40+ years. And that’s one thing my mother always taught me: relationships are about giving. If you go into it thinking it’s the other way around, you’re going to end up disappointed and hurt.

So how did I end up with tear stains on my pillow after that open and honest communication in the cab?

Well, honestly, I just felt really alone. Not in an Enrique Iglesias Give Me Just One Night kind of way.

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But alone in a misunderstood, foolish, exposed kind of way.

And in some ways I felt like a fraud.

Here’s the thing.

Let’s be honest…there’s a bit of a stereotype about virginity.

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Thanks, Steve Carell.

But, I’m pretty confident. Or at least, I’m good at acting like I’m confident. I enjoy flirting, dancing, wearing the latest fashions.

Frankly, I don’t think I come off as this ankle-length-skirt-with-orthopedic-shoes-wearing-virgin-who-has-6-cats-at-home.

But after revealing my virginity, I felt like somebody stripped away that confident exterior, exposing this inner dweeb that shouldn’t be out socializing because of severe social anxiety and a highly spastic colon or something.

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I feel like from now on, I’m forever going to be seen through the lens of “virgin.”

I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt alone.

And 6 hours later, I still do.

So.

I’m going to get up. Make myself a nice breakfast. And open up God’s love letter to me: the bible.

And I’m going to remind myself that I am not any of those things.

I am not alone: Jesus endured everything we’ve ever gone through, times 100. He was literally stripped down and exposed during the Passion.

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I am not ugly. But I am a handcrafted work of art, created lovingly by the Father.

My virginity is not dumb. It is an act of love to my future husband. One that I should celebrate. Jesus gave Himself fully and completely to His love — us — on the Cross,  so I can do the same for my future love.

Anywho. Thanks for listening.

Gonna go eat pancakes and put on my orthopedic shoes and head gear.

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Byeee

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

991 thoughts on “V Card”

  1. A beautiful gift. I imagine that the man you choose, and who chooses you, will not be in doubt of the wonderful nature of the gift you give him. And what a privilege to be able to offer that.
    I think that, despite feeling naked in sharing that truth, your honesty may have paved the way for deeper reflection for your friend, which is one of the blessings of frank exchange with those we trust. May you be encouraged and blessed through your conversation and post here!
    Ruth x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I loved reading this. Stay strong girl. Your virginity is a precious gift, and it’s something that one could easily give away… but you can never get it back. Your future husband will be grateful that you waited and more importantly God sees your patience and your faithfulness. Honestly, I did not wait, and I wish I could have the patience. I admire your patience!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I definitely agree with you on the fact that your virginity is a gift to be treasured and ultimately to be proud of. The society, curiosity, and peer pressure have made many do away with their virginity but it’s truly something not to be ashamed of but to be celebrated. Lastly, rest assured your future husband would defo appreciate IT!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. You are brave, and you have a very wise mother! I think you’ll find a wonderful man who will be so honored by what you’ve done for him. He will be a very blessed man!
    Just stay strong, as others have said. Character is more precious than beauty, but having both is even better. 🙂 I would be so proud of you if you were my daughter. And, even if you failed in this conviction, I would still be proud of you!
    Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I was in the Marines and was clowned at a lot for the V word. I think moments like these made me realize that I’m not a virgin just for myself, my wife or a testimony before others. It is out of loving obedience before God since He loved me so much, He saved me from my sins.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Jim, thank you so much for this reflection. Amen to that – God HAS saved us from our sins. What an amazing gift that is. And thank you for your service to our country. Very grateful for the selfless men and women like you! hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Excellent; the writing, the thoughts, and most of all the commitment. I wish I was 100 years younger and could meet a girl like you. But, alas, I’m out of the dating scene. LOL Seriously, you must meet Tim Tebow. A star athlete at Florida U, a struggling pro player and now a man on a mission for Jesus. He ‘outed’ himself as a virgin and suffered immense scorn and ridicule. The man will always be one of my heroes…..maybe I could introduce you to him someday.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Larry! Thank you so much for this encouragement. It really means a lot. And oh my gosh can we please make that happen with Tim Tebow?!! I mean, seriously. 😍😎 haha but for real I have a lot of respect for him. Thanks again for stopping by and for your kind words! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  7. I loved this post about your virginity. Not a lot of anyone talks about how important it is to wait. At first, I thought you gave up but as I kept reading I was glad that you didn’t. I was raised to believe in God and staying a virgin until marriage. All those values and morals kept me from really toxic relationships. Trust me when I say it will pay off in the end.
    Staying focused and keeping my standards and self-worth in a healthy place allowed me to fall in love with my husband of 3 years (who was also a virgin). So I know it may feel lame chilling in the “virgin section” sometimes because you have to deal with the judgmental looks and glares. But, I’ve had girls come up to me asking me how I managed to wait until marriage, how confident i was and how they wanted to do it too. Though they don’t want to admit, some people regret having sex before they were ready or marriage because it caused them a lot of pain.

    Your husband will appreciate the sacrifice and love you are implementing because it will strengthen your marriage. And your parents were right, I’ve been married for 3 years and it’s not about what you get but how you give. When you pour love, support, honesty, and faith into your spouse you get it back in return. Keep writing and be proud of being a virgin. If you got to wear it on a tee shirt or hat, go right ahead. There is nothing to be ashamed of. But, when you DO get married and have sex….well enjoy! lol

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hahah oh mygosh thank you for such a beautiful and uplifting comment! Wow I am blown away by your heart. What a beautiful love story you and your husband have. So so inspiring. Thanks for being you. You’re a blessing! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  8. ThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!!! I’m 32, love Jesus, and thank the Lord I have been able to save myself for my husband. I know EXACTLY how you feel and have had the same PJ wearing, tear filled moments of alone. Today my heart is strong! And as I read, so is yours! At least much more than you realize. Thank you for standing with me and reminding me WHY – for God’s glory and the joy of GIVING to my future husband in love and purity. If this makes us dweebs – then I happily join you in this dweebness!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi AnnieMae! Aw Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone, so thank you for sharing your heart. Amen to that! Glad to stand with you!! Hugs and love xox

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  9. You’ve made a good point in your courageous confession. From where I stand I also see another point: in remaining sexually pure while waiting for marriage you are honoring God. I was a virgin when I first married, and while I didn’t understand from the perspective I now see, I refrained from that deepest form of sexual intimacy (prior to marriage) because I knew it was what God commanded. Granted there was not as much pressure and social stigma on me as there is now, yet the bottom line remains the same–God had and still has very good reason for his commandment and it is completely for our protection: physical, emotional and psychological. The longer I live and the more wisdom and perspective I gain from life experiences, the more I recognize the heartbreak and damage that comes from violating that ever so protective commandment. Pastor Timothy Keller (there in New York) gave a sermon about a year ago, titled Love and Lust. I heard it on YouTube, thought it excellent, and promptly shared it with my young adult kids. (I have a son your age). He defines it beautifully. Have confidence in your decision–I have every confidence the blessings will be yours (ultimately) as you stay true to your conviction. In the world today sexual purity is not well understood, or embraced, but we who love God live to please God, not mankind. The latter will let us down, but God remains true–always and forever.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi there friend! Wow what an encouraging and kind reflection. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It brings me great hope:) and that sounds like an awesome sermon! I’ll definitely look it up on YouTube! Thanks again for stopping by! God is good! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  10. God blesses your honesty, witness and encouragement particularly in these days when the topic of ‘a woman saving herself for her husband’ would only appear in “God’s mainstream media.” Clearly God has planted the seed of His morality in your soul, which your parents nurtured and now you are pruning it as you yourself bloom. I know how challenging it can be to follow this path – many times temptations are put in front of us. God enabled me to retain this gift for my wife alone and now after, 23 years of married life I do not regret that decision. However, I have absolutely no doubt I could not have seen this through without God’s encouragement, guidance and working in mysterious ways to lead me away from temptations through the youthful exuberant years. Always continue to be yourself and be “who” God made “you” to be. God bless.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Awesome!!!!! Its amazing people still have values and morals and stick to them! Your virginity is something you should be TREMENDOUSLY proud of.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Thanks for sharing so vulnerably. At the end of the day, those of us who follow Jesus and HAVEN’T lived with sexual integrity have a lot of baggage and regrets. Satan convinces us we SHOULD do things and if you mess up, he then switches sides and condemns, makes people feel guilty, and tells them no one will love them because they are tainted. Funny how it all works right? Kudos to living your life with sexual integrity.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Jennifer! Thank you so much for your support. You’re right-he comes to steal and destroy. Thankfully there is freedom and love and mercy and life in Jesus. And He will take our baggage from us so we don’t have to carry it around! God is good! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  14. I’m glad you were brave enough to have that conversation with your guy friend. If he really is a true friend, it won’t make any difference to him that you’re still a virgin. Congrats, by the way. Oh, and that part about what if your future husband doesn’t appreciate your gift? Uh…then he won’t be your future husband! The problem sort of solves itself. Doesn’t it? All the best.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. This is so refreshing to read! You are definitely not alone. Thank God that you are a shinning light in this generation. I love that you are not doing this as way to “get back”. I think in addition to your response, you are doing this in obedience to God, living out life as a living sacrifice…”because it’s your reasonable service”. As for whether you get a guy that’s similar, we know that anthem don’t we “all have sinned…” But God is gracious and whether or not the guy you spend the rest of ur life has used that V-card or not, your father in heaven will be pleased that you have loved and honoured Him first and foremost. Keep that Purity card going Hun. You’re definitely not alone. 🙂 xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Gem! Aw thank you so much for the encouragement! It’s so nice to known I’m not alone. You’re right-God is SO gracious. I will trust Him. Thanks again for stoping by. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  16. This is nice.. Kind of reminded me of how I am before I lost mine.. We share the same insight about Relationship and Sex, and too bad I was pressured of what I could be loosing of not trying it. I ended up breaking myself becs of it. Its not that I regret it, I actually enjoyed it. But it was just not me. I tried to be someone else, but I realized that the time I let other people’s judgement decide for me was the thing I regret about. I envy you. Just keep the faith. You future husband wont question you, he would appreciate you even more by doing this… God bless

    Liked by 2 people

  19. BBB, I understand far better than I’d like. Sex is a crazy powerful thing, and I applaud you for your willingness to be honest in a culture that says it’s no big deal, that virginity is somehow shameful.

    And I applaud you ONE THOUSAND TIMES MORE for getting up the next day in celebration that protecting and valuing your sexuality doesn’t make you ugly, old, or unworthy. So much agreement that your virginity *is not* dumb. You do you, because you best know your own body and choices.

    (Hope the pancakes were awesome.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey there Christiana, thank you so much for this. Dang, such uplifting words. I so appreciate it:) and heck yes! The pancakes were aweeeesome😛 haha thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  20. I like how you fought back all the wrong thoughts you got, with the word of God. I’m sure you didn’t just think the positive thoughts, you said them aloud to your hearing.
    That’s a great lesson: you don’t fight negative thoughts with thoughts, you fight them with positive confessions from the Word of God.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. I totally understand. I am also a virgin by choice, and I have literally been told I will never find someone if I go too slowly in physically intimate relationships. Growing up, I felt a lot of shame over the fact that I chose to wait until I fell in love and trusted the other person, because society tells you that if you have not achieved a kiss/making out/sex by a certain period in your life, you are a loser. I’m just beginning to overcome that.

    So this post really spoke to me. Thanks so much for sharing it.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s okay I’m glad it means a lot your a revolutionary lady, and you write so well your a very passionate person I can tell that from how you write. Much love and hugs in return xx

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  23. BBB, I have said it before, you are so beautiful sharing you. There is one fortunate man of God being prepared for you. As a man struggling in a marriage of 42 years, it is important for me to take to heart the message you proclaim and the conviction to God’s truth you hold. Your story and words bless my life. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Thank you for sharing. For being open and vulnerable. I pray that God blesses you daily for your love and faith. You are a light to the world.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Sleeping around GREATLY increases the risk of divorce. I leave this as an encouragement to you:
    1) The chance of finding yourself divorced after five years is presently 560 percent greater if you marry a woman with 10+ partners than if you marry a virgin.
    2) The second-greatest risk is marrying a woman with only 2 partners.
    Details of the study: http://family-studies.org/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability/

    Liked by 2 people

  27. I should also say that Elisabeth Eliot’s book Passion and Purity was a huge encouragement to me when I faced similar struggles. Even though some portray her relationship advice as “extreme,” life experience has taught me that Eliot was exactly right. I caused myself and others a great deal of pain by ignoring her.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. It as something along the lines of …some beat yourself up… I wish I was still a virgin and had waited for the right one. I commend you for making that chikc and staying true to it. Trist me… that guy was insinuating you need to lractive with him… bs…. you’ll meet the right one and when you do…. it’ll be amazing… the difference between good sex and bad sex is always in the connection. Not the …talent. smh. Be proud. Your officially my idol for your choice.

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      5. Sad thing is… there are women out there in this world I
        who didn’t get a choice, because they were raped. Virginity is the truest virtue we have.

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      6. I know it is so sad. It breaks my heart that there are women out there who have that stolen from them without consent. We are all precious and for someone not to cherish that fact and violate them makes my heart hurt.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Take pride in it. Don’t let some guy name you feel lesser because of it. To me you are powerful. A girl who hold into her virtue and turns down every mediocre guy out there is one to reckon with

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  30. It is so funny what people think and what it makes us think. I was a virgin when I got married. I saved myself as few do, and by now I’m sure it is worse. Did it make a difference after I got married. It sure did. Was the one I married a virgin? No she wasn’t. All these things are thrown into situations.
    If a guy really respects you and is respectable, he’s gonna be totally amaze-balls about you still being a virgin. I was hoping my wife would be. But when I got the full story I understood.
    My marriage has lasted longer than any of my parents or siblings. They were samplers. It seems like if you cannot appreciate what it takes to come into the relationship in a saved fashion, the difficulties that will surely hit later on will be easily converted to scrapping the relationship as well.
    Just a few thoughts.
    Continue to be your fabulous self. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  33. I waited until I was married & even though it wasn’t easy… it is worth it! Relationships are so self centered now and days… it’s refreshing to see someone who understands that marriage is about giving, not getting! Praying God blesses you with a great man!

    Liked by 2 people

  34. It’s so strange that people feel this is somehow their business to discuss… I remember having those conversations with people, and it was always so awkward for me. (I always wanted to do something ‘bad girlish’ after to prove that I wasn’t a goody-goody). 😉
    Personally, I am SO glad that I waited. I know that not everyone out there gets that. And I know that whenever people asked me about it, they always felt as though I was judging them for not waiting. I wasn’t, and I still don’t. It’s a decision I made based on my faith, and – to this day – I am glad that I did it.
    But still, I remember those awkward conversations very well. I feel your pain!
    But YOU GO, GIRL! 🙂 Keep your chin up and feel proud. Your decision is not an easy one, but it is a good one!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi there Nicole, thank you for this reflection. you’re right -I feel the same way! I don’t judge anyone who has chosen differently, this is just my personal choice. But I really appreciate your encouraging and kind words. It’s nice to know that there’s someone else out there who “gets it.” hugs and love xox

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  35. Oh, honey. Don’t you EVER let anyone make you feel unwanted or unworthy because you’re virtuous! Read what the saints had to say about virginity–it’s very inspiring! Virginity is not just a negative “lack of experience,” it’s a positive, beautiful attribute of the soul.

    Oh, and by the way, you’re totally driving the devil CRAZY, so keep it up! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi there Rose, thank you so much for this encouragement. I love your perspective on it being a positive thing instead of a negative. I’ve never thought about it that way before. so thank you 🙂 yeah let’s stick it to him 🙂 sending hugs and love xox

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  36. I wanted to do the same. But I didn’t, I lost it to someone who I thought I’d get married to, but he broke up with me just before. That’s when I learnt the difference between husband and almost-husband-boyfriend. I think what you’re doing is awesome, not for your future husband, but for you. I think it’s super empowering to be a virgin. But also, I believe it’s all in our minds…

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi there friend, thank you so much for sharing this. I so appreciate your encouragement. I’m sorry things didn’t end up the way you were hoping with that guy. That just means that there’s someone else out there for you that’s better. Perhaps you’ve already found him 🙂 Thanks again for your kindness. hugs and love xox

      Liked by 2 people

  37. B.B.B. = “B-ravo! B-ravo! B-ravo!” Standing up for morality and virtue is often a lonely place to be…until you realize that there are those who are standing behind you…with you.

    I once read a quote that said: It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being “naked”.(Rob Bell) You are right, Lovely One, to preserve yourself, your purity, your dignity, your virtue, your light. And when light is not kept under a bushel but upon a candlestick…it is truly exposed. That’s the nature of light.

    The intimacy reserved for marriage has been hijacked by those who want the “benefits” of marriage without the commitment and responsibility of marriage. Such attitude is selfishness…not selflessness. Sleeping around and premarital sex has the form of marriage (uncommitted sex, self-centered physical pleasure, with a partner) but denies the power thereof (enduring commitment, loyalty, purity, love unfeigned, joy, happiness, with a companion). The former lacks the true heart of the person; the latter enjoys both hearts…given willingly…embraced….protected. And the young man who respects that will also want to preserve you for the best part of marriage, no questions asked.

    You are right. You are beautiful. And I ain’t just sayin’ that. Remember, a daughter of God…the daughter of a Heavenly King…a King that is glorious, beautiful, majestic, pristine, clean, and pure. That, too, young lady,…is you.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Wow, what a beautiful comment. Thank you so much for this wonderful and kind encouragement. I can’t begin to express how much your words have touched my heart, so thank you. I love that quote. amen to that – bearing your soul and being emotionally vulnerable — that’s the scary part! glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox

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  38. Virginity shouldn’t be a curse but a blessing, because you’ve left it for the one God chooses and don’t think God doesn’t know your heart? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says:_ Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; 5 love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; 6 love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. 7 Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.8 Love is eternal. There are inspired messages, but they are temporary; there are gifts of speaking in strange tongues, but they will cease; there is knowledge, but it will pass. So my love, if you don’t have this kind of love then it’s not worth it. God will provide, let your desires be known to God and He will grant you the desires of your heart Psalm 37:4…I have been married for 33 years and I’ve tried to instill just that to my daughters.Don’t be afraid to ask big because God is the God of impossibilities who make things possible. God bless.

    Liked by 2 people

  39. You are correct that relationships are about giving (or I would say, sharing). If we affiliate with other people because of what we get, then the relationship is contingent on that getting. And, ultimately the sex-giving-getting thing diminishes, whether because of other interests, child-rearing interruptions, menopause, or cardio-vascular decline. My wife and I are in the interesting positioning of observing our nearly-60 year-old friends, who have marriages that ended, going through the Dating-in-Your-Later-Years phenomenon. We are saddened that so many folks out there are mostly looking at getting-it-on-while-I-can. So many heartaches because they have forgotten, or never learned, to give in relationships.

    Or, as Larry Norman sang back in the 70’s “Gonorrhea on Valentines Day, If you’re still looking for the perfect lay.” (FYI, if you are not familiar with Larry Norman, he began the Jesus Movement Christian Rock era, and this line came from a song, “Why Don’t You Look Into Jesus”, which he wrote to Janis Joplin while his band People was her opening act.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend, thanks for sharing this. You’re right-it really is a crazy phenomenon happening in the culture these days. And I’ve never heard that song before but it sounds pretty wild! Haha definitely going to YouTube it! Hugs and love xox

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  41. I’m not sure I’ve ever read a comments section so jam packed with supportive views, nevertheless, I’m thinking to avoid whatever anybody else has said and just add my thoughts ever so briefly. This isn’t a topic I express myself on much, however, I’ve shared this fact with many people, a great amount of sex, especially sex here in the UK and Stateside, is unloving, to go even further, it’s abuse in many cases, not just abuse of the partner, but abuse of ourselves. “Of those boys, did you ever love any of them for their own sake?” Was I believe a hypothetical question asked to Oscar Wilde, a man notorious for his sexual exploitation of the impoverished young men around him, he replied “No.”, as you’d expect. He physically “loved” men for himself, that’s all. Sex, no matter the orientation or gender, is about possessing something of the other person, indulging in them in some fashion, and it can be as rotten as it can be wonderful. Anyways, I enjoyed the article, hopefully young people feeling pressured into doing something they’ll later regret, or even people who already have done something, will find hope, healing and real love in your words. Good going, we’re often hurting, but not hurting alone. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for this reflection! You’re right! I have been so blown away by the wonderful support and encouragement in the comment section! So thank you for that! How interesting about Oscar Wilde. I did not know that about him! sad. I really appreciate your nudge of encouraging and kind words. Sending big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  42. Thanks for writing such a vulnerable post! There are many gifts that come with virginity (clean body, clean conscience, and clean soul). There are many things people find weird about Christians because it is counter cultural to believe in God and follow His desires (not ours). God loves and approves of you more than you can fathom so you can go home smiling after conversations like that. Pray that God will show your friend the light of His truth through you. 😀 you’re doing a great job. Keep pressing forward knowing that God is with you, He loves you, and in turn, you can love others.

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  43. Honesty is a beautiful thing to read and witness. Being true to your values and your beliefs is a path few follow. Peer pressure interferes in many lives. Life is difficult, especially if you are willing to stand up for your beliefs in defiance to what those around you believe. I understand what it means to feel isolated from society. For me, it was never worth the trade off to sacrifice my character, ethics and moral for greater acceptance. There is no right or wrong; their is only what your heart tells you.

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  44. Thank you for this. Thank you sharing your story. I will be sharing this with my daughters, and the importance of not just holding onto the “V Card”, but to honor our Creator who created us

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  45. Amen and well said!
    Its very hard these days not to feel looked down on for being a virgin no matter how old you are & I personally encourage you to keep doing what you’re doing.
    Stay the way you are even when people may make you feel uncomfortable about it—intentionally or not. Staying a virgin till marriage is a wonderful thing I sometime wish more people understood.
    I once has a cousin tell me she had to try her “goods out” before she bought them—aka enjoying the bliss of sex before she and her husband got married.
    I’ve been told many times similar comments and even looked at like a crazy person for still being a virgin into my 20’s (telling on myself here), but not to many think about the consideration or even how romantic (if you want to get mushy) it can be to marry someone who saved them self just for you.
    And only you.
    Not to say there’s not any temptation or desire for it. Desire in itself isn’t horrible at all. Sex is a great thing when it’s in the right context where it should be—between a married husband and wife.
    I was a virgin when i married my husband of almost 4 years so far. And so was he. And believe me there were many times when we ourselves looked down on our own virginity and even (just imagine) argued with God how long He would make us wait for something we so desired. But sex is just one part of a relationship of that depth. Don’t get me wrong I’m not making it something smaller than it really is.
    Its a BIG deal in a marriage.
    It leaves you vulnerable—even more so than just talking about it when some one asks. It leaves you vulnerable and completely exposed to the one person who has promised to love you “till death do you part”. Its scary. But its also beautiful. I remember feeling that vulnerability (and still do sometimes) on our honey moon when we spoke about those kind of things. intimate things we had never shared with anyone else. It was weird. And awkward. And yet strangely beautiful all at the same time.
    I remember my husband telling me how sad it was one thing he was told about his vcard was that how would he know what to do when the time came to give it to his wife. He gave a similar response to what I remember a teacher saying: “I think we’ll figure it out.” And I think we have for the most part.
    But so will you.
    Value your vcard past the modern stero types. It’s a precious thing.
    I know your friend asked “what if he doesn’t appreciate what you’re doing?” But I say he would. Deep down inside he would be very flattered that you have saved yourself for someone just like him (and only him) whoever he maybe, or where ever he may be—maybe even really really impressed. You valued the gift you had to give him (as it is a gift and meant to be) even though it was hard and left you feeling awkward and even alone. But you’re not alone 🙂
    You will get there, when the time is right. Your desire is a good one. Don’t feel guilty about it or ashamed. Don’t let people pressure you into feeling that way—weather they mean to or not. Hang in there. Keep doing right. Remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. You’ll be so glad you saved yourself just for him whoever that special guy maybe.

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    1. Hi Faithbook, wow what an uplifting and kind response! Seriously your encouragement means the world to me. I know I’ve said that word a lot on here, but that’s really the most accurate word as to how I’m feeling. You’ve made me feel so hopeful-so inspired, so not alone, so, just, encouraged! So thank you from the bottom of my heart. And wow what a beautiful love story you and your husband have. What a wonderful gift you were to eachother. So inspiring. Thank you for sharing that:) sending big big hugs and love xox

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      1. Big hugs back beautybeyondbones. If its one thing I can do its offer encouragement. We all could use a little and a little compassion goes a long way. Know your words are just as encouraging to so many including me 🙂 Keep posting. Keep writing from your heart. Your story is truly beautiful even when its doesn’t feel like sometimes. And keep encouraging others to do the same.
        “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15
        We could all use to hear more encouraging words from each other rather than the finger pointing and shaming we see so much of everywhere else. You’re a real blessing 🙂 ❤

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  46. Thank you for being so bold about your feelings and so brave to stand up to your friend and admit your virginity despite possible ridicule and numerous questions.

    Be encouraged that you are right and that God is pleased with you for making a firm, bold stand.

    I appreciate that it is not talked about as much these days in church circles because there are so many Christian ladies (and men) who have been sexually abused. Therefore it is a subject to be approached with caution so not to offend anyone. We can no longer preach ‘seek to marry a virgin’ because although this is good advice, it is also insenitive to the many ladies who lost their virginity at 9 because they were left alone with evil men – many of whom were their fathers.

    But what you are saying makes complete sense.

    I was a virgin until 35 when I married my husband, so I can confirm it is worth the wait, even if it is hard.

    Remember that
    1. What the world calls normal is abnormal to God and
    3. What the world calls abnormal is normal to God.

    You are in the minority group where it is always tough to make a stand.

    Hold you head up high gal – you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you are highly commended in Heaven and that’s where it counts.

    People’s opinons though hurtful, are just ignorance and foolishness and what helps me in those situations is, I ask myself, ‘Can that person who’s mocking me take away my pain when I’m in agony? Will they be there on my deathbed, holding my hand and helping me into the next world? No? No. Then their opinions don’t matter because they are going to the grave with those opinions and they will be no more.’

    I hope that helps hun.
    Xx

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    1. Hi Sharon, thank you for this beautiful response. I so appreciate your kind encouragement and support. What a beatific testimony of love you have with your husband. Very inspiring. And thanks for those little nuggets of wisdom. Very very true. Hugs and love xox

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    1. Aw thank you so much!! You are so kind to say that:) thanks for taking the journey with me! I can’t even begin to express how much it means to my heart. Hope you’re having a beautiful week. Sending massive hugs and love to you friend xox

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  48. I am really sorry to hear that you felt that way! I will never understand why people have this (creepy if you ask me) obsession with virginity, particularly that of ladies. It’s like in some parts of the world you have to be a virgin and in other parts God forbid you never have sex before settling with someone! Isn’t there more important things to discuss! Went a bit ranty there, sorry! But I hope you well…no one has the right to look down at you for the decisions that you make, just cause they don’t see it as normal. x

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  49. Wonderful read! I’m so glad your friend was understanding of your feelings. It’s really hard to find someone like that nowadays. You do what you feel like you want out of your life and don’t worry what others think! I think it’s very special that you will appreciate your husband that much. You deserve the best! Chow!

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  50. Hello there. I love this article. I appreciate your willingness to be open and honest about being a virgin. Also, thanks for liking my blogpost. Don’t ever feel ashamed or embarrassed about being a virgin. What you are doing is for Christ and He will bless you for this with a happy and blessed marriage. I too, am a virgin saving myself for marriage, so I can relate to you in many ways. I’m black, and 37, so imagine the stereotypes I’m smashing by waiting until I get married. Unfortunately with the way the world is these days, being a virgin is not the norm. So if you are feeling misunderstood, I get that, and you are not alone in feeling that way. You are never alone because you have Christ. Your life story is a testimony that can help inspire others, both men and women. So continue to seek the Holy Ghost for love, strength, guidance, & comfort. May God bless you abundantly.

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    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me. That’s so awesome that you’re waiting too. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing that. Hugs and love xox

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