V Card

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

OK. It’s time we talk about virginity.

*Takes a shot of whisky.*

Scratch that.

It’s time we talk about my virginity.

*Takes another shot. Slams down the glass.*

buffy_drinking

Ok. Now I feel prepared to take on this topic.

Allow me to set the stage:

Saturday night. 4 am. The sun is just starting to rise and the sky is that dusty heather gray color. NYC looks just like they try to portray it in the movies – a sleeping giant with steep buildings, daring the sun to challenge its dominance.

And I’m bleary eyed, mascara stained, just sobbing. I’m in my pjs. The beautiful, sparkly dress and heels I wore that evening, crumpled in a pile on the floor — along with my dignity.

Pause. NO I did not “do it.” Although, reading that back, it kinda sounds like the beginning of a cheap romance novel. 😛

No. This scene was the result of a very real, very raw, very — vulnerable — conversation.

About…my V card.


Long story short, this guy I’ve been kind of, potentially interested in just straight up asked me about it.

Now, before you get ready to B-Slap him with an attitude, it wasn’t like that. Nothing rude. Nothing invasive.

It was actually very respectful. And he wasn’t trying to pressure me either.

The convo went a little something like this:

“BBB. I don’t understand. Every weekend a different guy tries to take you home, but you never do. Why is that?”

And it wasn’t like I just blurted out…OH, I’M A VIRGIN! With three thumbs up emojis.

No, I’ve known him for 4 years, and it was a long, drawn out convo in the back of the bar, just us. He may have just kissed me. A lady never tells.

But I told him: I’m saving myself for my husband.

And it like, boggled his mind. He was so intrigued by this. So interested. So riveted in the why behind it.

And, as it was last call, we continued the convo into a cab he had hailed to drop me off.

Again, don’t read this through the filter of a serial killer — he’s a gentleman and wanted to drop me off, as it was 4am and a gal in a short dress shouldn’t be walking alone.

But he was literally so fascinated. He couldn’t believe that I was still a virgin.

So you’ve never had sex?

No.

Don’t you want to?

Um, hellooo.

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Our conversation jumped around, between what it means to be in a relationship, what we think about marriage, vulnerabilities, what we believe in. It was all really great…ish.

But the whole time I just felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.

It’s not like I’m ashamed of my decision to wait, I just felt really exposed. Like I was standing in front of a big crowd, unaware that my dress was tucked into my granny panties in the back. I felt stupid.

But he said, “I am just worried that your future husband isn’t going to appreciate what you’re doing. What if he’s not able to give you that back? What if you don’t get that?”

And this, is what sparked this post. This is what made me get up out of bed after crying myself to sleep and write about it.

I think there’s a grave misconception about relationships these days: what are you going to get out of it. 

What’s in it for you? What are you going to get from the marriage or from the relationship?

And that‘s exactly where my decision to remain a virgin stems from.

Because relationships aren’t about what you’re going to get.

They’re about what you can give.

And that’s why I’m waiting. Because I love my future husband enough that I want to save my body and my whole self for him only. I want to give that to him. I’m not expecting to get anything. Would it be amazing if he was waiting too? Yes. But I don’t expect that. What I do expect is that God is preparing the heart of my future husband right this very minute, just as He’s preparing mine.

My parents have been married for 40+ years. And that’s one thing my mother always taught me: relationships are about giving. If you go into it thinking it’s the other way around, you’re going to end up disappointed and hurt.

So how did I end up with tear stains on my pillow after that open and honest communication in the cab?

Well, honestly, I just felt really alone. Not in an Enrique Iglesias Give Me Just One Night kind of way.

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But alone in a misunderstood, foolish, exposed kind of way.

And in some ways I felt like a fraud.

Here’s the thing.

Let’s be honest…there’s a bit of a stereotype about virginity.

The-40-Year-Old-Virgin-the-40-year-old-virgin-609601_1280_1024

Thanks, Steve Carell.

But, I’m pretty confident. Or at least, I’m good at acting like I’m confident. I enjoy flirting, dancing, wearing the latest fashions.

Frankly, I don’t think I come off as this ankle-length-skirt-with-orthopedic-shoes-wearing-virgin-who-has-6-cats-at-home.

But after revealing my virginity, I felt like somebody stripped away that confident exterior, exposing this inner dweeb that shouldn’t be out socializing because of severe social anxiety and a highly spastic colon or something.

zK8G87g

I feel like from now on, I’m forever going to be seen through the lens of “virgin.”

I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt alone.

And 6 hours later, I still do.

So.

I’m going to get up. Make myself a nice breakfast. And open up God’s love letter to me: the bible.

And I’m going to remind myself that I am not any of those things.

I am not alone: Jesus endured everything we’ve ever gone through, times 100. He was literally stripped down and exposed during the Passion.

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I am not ugly. But I am a handcrafted work of art, created lovingly by the Father.

My virginity is not dumb. It is an act of love to my future husband. One that I should celebrate. Jesus gave Himself fully and completely to His love — us — on the Cross,  so I can do the same for my future love.

Anywho. Thanks for listening.

Gonna go eat pancakes and put on my orthopedic shoes and head gear.

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Byeee

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

991 thoughts on “V Card”

  1. Really resinated with this
    I’m a guy and I’ve been in this same convo
    I just wanted to say I’ve felt the same
    Sometimes I just really feel alone in this world
    Hearing that you’ve felt that too encourages me more than I can say

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hii! Thanks for the like on my recent post. I wanted to tell you that I’m happy you wrote this, because I feel the same way. Hook up culture has a way of pressuring people, but your value is not determined by your v card, but by your character. I know it’s hard though, because I feel the same worries occasionally. It’s your choice though, and only yours to decide. It’s true that there’s only a handful of people at this point who think the same way, but I know some of them and they exist.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. No reason to feel alone, shameful, or guilty in any way shape or form because it’s your body, your temple, and ultimately your choice. It’s awkward to expose oneself when it seems as though most of the world thinks and lives differently, but I’d say it’s a safe bet to point out the fact that you’re courageous and strong-willed for taking the position you have while being open about it too. Kudos!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. My fiance is a grandmother and I hope to be a grandfather before long. We have lived together for a few years and are never embarrassed, in fact, we make it a point to say that we are living chastely. It’s not for praise or for the shock factor, but to encourage others to do the same. We are letting it be known that a vibrant couple can continue living according to the Ten Commandments while expressing appropriate romantic love to each other. It can be done. It should be done. May you have the strength to continue being a shining example in the midst of rampant secular relativism! — Tony

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Beautifully done. Thank you for sharing so boldly what you value when the world champions throwing away your virginity.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. BBB, just to let U know how much appreciate the content and candor that emanate from your post. The flow of rendition about your message is indicative of your talent in writing. It was gripping and spell-binding. This is the best that I have read in years about this sensitive subject.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. BBB, in this “era of terrorism”, whether one removes all guns, pressure cookers, explosives, knives, etc, evil always lurks. Because it emanates from the mind and heart of humans. The good news(gospel) of the God-kingdom is all the more apropos to our current era. And, God knows where to begin the process of change to establish a God-kingdom. My recent post maybe helpful:

        https://fact-s.net/2016/04/26/kingdom-of-god-in-human-anatomy-2/

        Your critique is welcome.

        Like

  8. Brought tears to my eyes as I remembered the same anger, frustration, confusion that I faced down so many years ago before meeting my husband. The conversation I recall was one that prompted me to write a short story. He called me a dinosaur. In hindsight, I think all of us are who follow The Way. “Narrow is the way” after all. There are many life choices that set us apart, aren’t there? But when we are in our twenties there are few others that distinguish us so much as purity of body, and few that bring us such personal pain. You are a child of the king. The princess is honoring her position in the kingdom and her king.

    BTW: I do have a lovely son I could introduce you to. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Sam, thank you for this reflection. I really appreciate you sharing your heart. I’m so sorry that you went through that. That breaks my heart. So glad you found your husband:) thanks for stopping by and for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi, thanks for your like on my recent post. I love your honesty about this. I come from the other side, I was not a virgin when I married because I didn’t respect myself enough. Now a widow for a year and a half it’s odd. I was on an online group for widows and some who hadn’t even been widowed a month were talking about how they were going out and looking for one night stands. I quickly left. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m reclaiming my emotional virginity – should the Lord ever send me another husband (at almost 38 I’m not holding my breath) I want to be able to give him what I wasn’t able to give my first, dearly loved husband.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Sarah, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you such a big hug through the screen right now. I think it’s so beautiful that you’re reclaiming that. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. God has a funny way of bringing people into our lives when we least expect it❤️ Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  11. So I just stumbled on you blog because you had liked one of my (very few) posts. And, like a typical guy, this article caught my interest. I vastly appreciated your raw honesty, and your vulnerability. I wish more people respected themselves and their future spouses the way God intended, and I personally wish I could do better in the regard myself (I too am still a virgin; *barely). However, I will say that this post is a good reminder and a confidence booster in myself to do better. God bless!

    Liked by 3 people

  12. In a world filled with fishes who swim with the tide, you held back because you had principles for yourself. You respected who you are, and you respected us all who are saving our virginities for our soulmate. You deserve a standing ovation. And as far as the article goes, brilliant, fluidly written. God Bless! xx

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Hi BBB, I’m amazed of your decision n how you handle this. I think you should go on with your principle n stand firm. I was not, therefore I really highly respect who could have this kind of principle n walk the talk. Salute!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Excellently written! I share your views in this post completely.
    Also, I think it’s really funny that people think virgins/people that are now abstaining from sex until they’re married are somehow disengaged from real life and don’t experience the same frustration/pressure/struggles as everyone else!

    I pray that God continues to strengthen us all in this journey… It’s really not easy but the reward is far greater than the struggle xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  15. There is an old saying that goes, “Candy is dandy/But liquor is quicker.” I think that explains a concern I have about what might happen when . . .. You might think about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Ah!! I love this. I myself am not a virgin but am so proud of you for sticking up and knowing where YOU as a person stands. It is so refreshing to know that there are people out there who don’t do it for themselves, but for Christ’s love and for the purity of their relationship. Don’t give it up until you know he’s “the one” and after the rings are on your finger! You can do it!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I waited, my husband did not. I will not lie, there have been struggles around that fact, but as you stated I wanted to give my whole self and heart to only the one man who I knew without a doubt cherished all that I had to give. It is that fact that has gotten us through the struggles around this topic. I am sometimes jealous, but my faith in what I only give to the man who loves all of me gets me through. I can tell you this little tid bit from the other side, all the vulnerability, all the feeling different on a level that most people don’t understand, it’s worth it. I would not give up the connection created by giving him that gift.
    Also a thank you for liking my post, which lead me here on a day some of that jealousy may have been flashing its ugly green eyes in my direction!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing this. It sound like you and your husband have a beautiful and powerful love. Your heart is inspiring. Thank you for the encouragement. Glad this post resonated with you. Sending you the biggest hugs. xox

      Like

  21. I’m sure others can say it even better, but stand firm and stand confidently. I waited too, and I’m also not a dweeb or social outcast with 6 cats! I went dancing and flirted all that, (even though I did have to wear headgear while I slept as a kid! Haha). It did turn out that my husband waited too, but I have other friends who waited and whose husband didn’t, and what I can say, is that no matter the outcome, the Lord is working and has been working actively in their stories, and it was and continues to be such an honor to marry someone who has made the choice as you have. I don’t even know you, but I’m proud of you, and the fact that you’re waiting just makes you more beautiful, more honorable, more beloved, both by our God who delights over you with singing and by your future husband, who has no idea what blessing he has waiting for him. Hugs!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks friend. Wow I am just so touched by your kind words. Thank you. Truly. What a beautiful love story you an your husband have. That is so inspiring. You’ve really made my heart so encouraged and warm. (Cheesy but true!) so thank you. Grateful for you! Hugs and love xox

      Like

      1. So glad! The choice to wait is so undervalued, but just because something is undervalued by some doesn’t mean that it is not infinitely valued by others (and by the Lord)! Hope you’re doing well. ❤️

        Like

  26. Hi, beautybeyondbones, by telling men you are saving yourself for marriage is going to scare off a lot of men. Let things progress and when a relationship gets to that point, then say you are saving yourself for marriage. If the guy sticks around and respects your choice you have yourself a keeper. Good luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Thank God for young ladies like you. Truly a dying breed of women. I both applaud your obedience and your faith. I will be lifting you up to the Lord. Have fun in life.

    Blessings to you

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Your decision is yours and yours alone – no need to feel guilty about it. Support your decision with conviction – it’s when you worry about what other people feel that makes you feel guilty. Remember, what other people think, is none of your business! It’s what you think that truly matters. Have a great day, week, year – life! : )

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I have to respectfully disagree with the suggestion that you not be upfront at the beginning of a relationship because you might scare the person away.

    Be honest … let them go. The risk in waiting is that you might find yourself in a compromised situation where the pressure is so great that you succumb to temptation.

    We also have to be ever-mindful of Paul’s warning to not be unevenly yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-15).

    A Christian should choose their friends wisely, but too many want to have one foot in the church and the other in the world. As one young woman said, “I called myself a Christian, but socializing with my friends was more important.”

    A Christian woman told me, “I don’t date Christian men.” This young lady was more interested in having fun than following Christ.

    This has been the experience of my Christian walk. I never found a woman who loved Christ more than the world. So I have remained unmarried and celibate.

    Being honest from the beginning will save you from the heartache of making a terrible mistake.

    And a Christian man who is a true disciple of Christ will respect your decision.

    May the Holy Spirit give you grace, and may God lead you to the right man.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. What a wonderful gift you are saving to give to someone so special! They will cherish you all the more! God bless you and bring that man of God to you to be equally yoked in marriage! Prayers are with you! May you inspire others by this!

    Liked by 2 people

  34. That’s precious. Very self-conscious. Your future husband who is worth his salt will recognize this REAL act of love. Too often, love today is defined as what you want and what you need. It’s really about how to be a blessing to another.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. BBB, all I can say is that I am amazed by you. Although I am a Christ follower, sexual sin was one of the strongholds of sin that I was not willing to give up so easily. I struggled with how my desires and actions contradicted God’s view of marriage. I applaud your choice, sexual sin is rampant in our society today and it has cheapened sex to the point it is seen as exercise rather than the joy of the union of two bodies in the marriage covenant. I regret the decisions that I made in my single years before my first marriage and between marriages. Keep strong. God will guide the right man toward. God made a man that is going to cherish you for saving yourself for him, who will love and adore you for it, and he is getting here as fast as he can. May God give you the strength to hold on until that God has made for you finishes his journey to get to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. I don’t know if anyone amidst the myriad comments here has already posted this, but I think you’ll like this post on First Things called ‘Subversive Virginity’: http://www.firstthings.com/article/1998/10/subversive-virginity

    Also, my wife and I were blessed by God that we both waited, and it has made our marriage a place of strength and given us a healthy sex life rooted in our faithfulness to God and each other as well as His faithfulness to us.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Thank you so much for this post. I have greatly enjoyed it.

    Thank you also for your like on my poetry blog.

    My favorite aunt in the world used to tell me words I could say if I ever needed to justify hanging on to my virginity: “If I am ever unhappy with my current status, I can change it in five minutes. Can you say the same?” I never had to use those lines, but it felt good to have them.

    By doing things God’s way and saving sex for only the context of marriage, you are not only loving God, and loving your future husband, loving all the friends who may follow your example, and loving all the guys who are attracted to you, you are especially loving yourself. I don’t know this from personal experience, but in so many situations I have either seen on the big screen or read about in books, one person casually sleeps with another, seems to see nothing wrong with it, then is literally hunted down with a catalog of messy complications. Even when casual sex leads to no baby and no disease, someone always gets hurt. C.S. Lewis said that a sexual experience is a union that must be either eternally endured, or eternally enjoyed.

    So, you are setting yourself up for peace in the short term, joy in the long term, and finally (is there really more to this special offer? Yes, there is!!) the words everyone who is anyone is going to want to hear at the final judgment: “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

    May all of God’s blessings be yours as you keep persevering on the narrow road of faithfulness!

    Best Regards,

    “GwennonR”

    Liked by 1 person

  42. I loved reading this post – so good to know that in this world where important and special things have been severely cheapened by our culture and the media, there are followers of Christ who aren’t afraid to do what they believe is right (and explain it to others!), even when it’s difficult! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  44. being a father and growing up in the fifties with street gangs , i still kept the values taught to me by parents and church , and i believed that a girl should stay a virgin untill marriage , but unfortunatly that doesn’t always happen.
    enviroment and peer pressure changes that thinking with most.
    stay proud , because you did well.

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Reading this post was truly enjoyable and enlightening. Your courage to stand by what you believe in despite what others think is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing this personal experience and I know it’s going to help me when I make decisions in my future.
    And thanks for liking my recent blog post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  47. As someone who had her virginity stripped away as a little child…I think it’s beautiful what you’re doing and I applaud your conviction. Also, thank you for visiting my blog and liking my Willie blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. although i had read and commented on this post before , it kept
    me thinking about why i never wrote a poem on ‘ VIRGINITY ”
    so i wrote one just now in response to this blog.

    Her virginity

    They made fun of her because of her virginity
    And saving herself for her marriage is something
    They could not see.
    They would say : why save yourself for that day may never come
    And you’ll never enjoy your life or have any fun !
    She would respond :
    My virginity is for mine to keep and to share it with another
    Is what you seek , but my body is my temple
    And only goodness will come in and not for someone’s pleasures
    And not for me to sin.

    What happens if you get pregnant long before your time
    And that boy says : “ it’s not mine “.
    You have to raise your child and your dreams are scattered in the wind
    Just because you decided “ to give in “!

    No thank you ! I’ll keep my virginity until my wedding day
    Because when I wear the white – it’ll be the proper way !
    © L . RAMS 072716

    Like

  49. I’d like you to know that men actually don’t respect sexually promiscuous women. So if you keep virgin, it’ll “gratify some and astonish the rest” as Mark Twain put it, encouraging us to do the right.

    You’re a great inspiration to all women and I intend to use this post as a reference because I’m a feminist who’s trying to tell the women that they’re not equal to men, they’re better than men.

    They’re our ticket to heaven and God created this world for women & children, not mysogynist Terminators.

    But women need to follow your example. They’re the ladder to heaven Jacob saw in his dream but are they as clean as you are? That’s the question.

    Like

    1. Thanks for this, Berni, I really appreciate this insight and encouragement. wow, what an awesome way to think about women! My mom always taught me that one of the biggest roles that women (and men) have is to help get their spouse to heaven. That really puts it into perspective when you break it down like that. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your heart! have a beautiful weekend! xox

      Like

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