To My Father

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Growing up, I had a weird fear. And actually, looking back it actually reveals a lot about me and my people pleasing tendencies.

But I was always afraid that my dad would think I loved my mom more than him, and vice versa.

I just remember always trying to make sure that things were even. The same. Equal. I never wanted to make either feel hurt or second rate.

*Surprise mom and dad! You learn something new about me every day!* ((They’re avid BBB readers 🙂 ))

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But this would transfer to holidays too. Especially Father’s Day.

I always felt bad for Father’s Day. It was like the forgotten holiday. With Mother’s Day, we were still in school so there’d be art projects galore to celebrate mom. We’d proudly present construction paper creations and little potted plants in all their homemade glory. But with Father’s Day, it was already summer, school was out, and let’s be real: it was a lot harder to make construction paper gifts for men. They like scotch. Golf balls. Leather goods. Cuban cigars. Frankly, Father’s Day kinda got the short end of the stick.

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But the thing is, Father’s Day should be the most important day. Because dads have a crucial role to fill: they are to reflect our Heavenly Father.

And granted, we all are. But fathers have the critical duty of being the closest example we – as children – have to Father God. They have the job to demonstrate what it means to be a father in every sense of the word: being loving, compassionate, honest, kind, respectful, disciplinary, fun – that is their duty.

And, I know, there are all kinds of dads out there. And it breaks my heart to think that there are people who did not grow up with supportive and loving fathers. Not everyone is blessed with a present dad. And that is tragic.

But I wanted to just take today to honor my father.

If there’s one thing in the world that fills my heart to the brim, it’s looking into my father’s eyes.

As the years go by, we both get older, I’m becoming more and more of an adult, and yet, those eyes look at me the same way as they did when I was a little girl: He looks at me, and it’s as though I am all he sees. Not my past. Not the mistakes I’ve made or the baggage I still struggle with. He looks at me with gentleness. Love. Compassion. Generosity. Forgiveness. Selflessness. Patience.

He looks at me as sees the good.

He looks at me and it inspires me to see the good in myself.

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My dad and I have had quite the history.

I have mentioned before, but with anorexia comes a lot of deception and manipulation. Secrecy is the very nature of the disease. And it pains my heart, but my dad was on the receiving end of all of that. From me. I took advantage of his immense love for me. I abused it.

But despite all of that hurt and deceit and mistreatment – he forgave me. He chose to love me. To see past that period of darkness, and see me whole. See me clean. See the goodness and worth inside of me.

That is compassion.

That is what I long to be.

That is my father living out his duty to be the example of our Father in Heaven.

The Father who is patient with my shortcomings. The Father who wants only good for my life. The Father who provides. Protects. Guides.

My dad is the earthly example of that Father.

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And, I know. He is human. He is not perfect. But he is a shining example of God’s heart as a father.

If I could go back, there are a lot of things I would do differently. Especially around my anorexia. I would say certain things I never said. Take back particularly hurtful things I did say. I would make better choices. Treat him with more respect and honor his authority. If I let it, those regrets could haunt me and plague me with guilt.

But he has freed me from that baggage. Forgiven me of it. And for that, I am forever grateful.

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So as this Father’s Day approaches, I am profoundly grateful for my dad. The one who taught me, through example, the deep and powerful love of God.

Happy Father’s Day, pops. I love you 🙂

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

258 thoughts on “To My Father”

  1. saying you did this and that in your anorexia are really hard and the way you said it was amazing your father is great i am too close to my father alot what about your mother ?just curious

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for this response. I have been very blessed with two incredible parents. I’ve actually talked about my mom a lot throughout the blog, but haven’t really talked about my dad, so I just wanted to share the love on Father’s Day. Great question! Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. oh i see i am new blogger so i do not know much of your previous posts and thanks for replying love and hugs to you too

        Liked by 2 people

      2. No worries!! 🙂 🙂 Yeah, my mom has been wonderfully forgiving and loving and supportive as well. She’s a rock star 🙂 Well welcome to the world of blogging! looking forward to reading your stuff! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting thought on the equal parent thing… have you thought about equal time for both sides of your face? You know I’ve heard that if you post just one side of your face TOO much the forgotten side dries up and falls off:P (I’ve never actually heard that, and there’s no verifiable medical evidence to back that up (that I’m aware of…o_O))

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Miriam, thank you so much for this reflection. Yes, it is so nice. We’re all on our own journeys so it’s nice to have people we can count on to have our backs along the way. so glad you stopped by. hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I was always bored as a kid, but my dad always knew the solution. “Sit and twiddle your thumbs,” he would say. I was always so mad, it was too simple. But now I sit and twiddle my thumbs, just like he taught me to.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. He sounds like a great guy. My dad tried so hard. He wasn’t perfect, but he loved me. Sometimes I get into negative thought patterns about my family and dad. But I need to remember, he tried and that is so important. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I love this oh so much! A little too much really. Seems like you’ve got an awesome dad and one can tell that you love him, like a lot. I always enjoy your posts! I hope you and your dad have a wonderful Father’s Day. Chow!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. A truly great post 🙂 Fathers are every bit as important as mothers. You are totally right also when you talk about the gifts they love even more (i.e. golf clubs and stuff) 🙂 Above all though, great fathers are the best male role models in the world as you imply throughout this post 🙂 I also love how you connect great fathers to the Heavenly father as well (i.e. God). Every day, I think everybody always feels that their are stuff in our pasts that we would have differently, but in the end, I am pretty sure God and great Dads in general, knows deep down that that particular family member feels sorry. I also agree that it is sad when one hears stories about bad fathers 😦 It makes somebody want to find them and hug them to relieve the pain. Equally sad are ones whose fathers have dies and fathers and mothers who remain separated or divorced 😦 We all pray to God that he can comfort those people as well which he and Jesus probably do every day 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always and have a Happy Fathers Day weekend 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey John! Thank you so much:) you’re right-they are the best role models and give us a glimpse into the heart of God. I am so grateful for my dad. And that’s so true-I want to find them and give a big ole hug. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  10. What a wonderful, honest, and compassionate letter. I love how you can see the imperfections in both you and your dad, yet love him and love yourself and reflect so wholeheartedly on your relationship.
    Let’s just say that my dad does not model our Heavenly Father. My pastor suggested that could be one of the reasons that I struggle so much with understanding God’s love. Father’s Day is pretty much a non-event for me. For a long time, I felt so ashamed and guilty for not loving my dad as I tell myself I ought, but in moments of self-compassion, I can realize that my lack of affection for him is not really my fault.
    Thank you for giving me something to think about this Father’s Day. I hope that you and your dad have a wonderful weekend! Grateful for you, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks For this reflection Lulu. I’m sorry that things with your dad are less than optimal. You’re right-it’s not your fault. The good thing is that no matter what, we have a Father in heaven that cherishes and loves and protects us with Everything He’s got! Sending you a big big hug my friend. Thanks for being you❤️

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      1. Reading is waht i love to do, if my eyes would let me i could do it all day. And it was a pleasure reading.

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  13. I enjoyed reading this post. My father and I were separated for many years and I never really got to know him before he passed away. Now, my son and I are having problems and I can’t really turn to anyone except God for help. Thanks for your post and for your prayers in advance.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m sorry that you lost your father. Sending you a big hug. And it’s never too late with your son:) will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Awesome sister! I never had the opportunity to spend some quality time with my father since we got separated because my parents got divorced. Seeing a post like this makes my heart in awe of how our old man is so important to us. Send my regards to your father. You are blessed to have a great father. Have an enjoyable moment on Father’s day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Nathanael, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m sorry that you and your dad didn’t get the opportunity to spend QT together. It’s never too late:) you’re right-I am very blessed. I definitely don’t take that for granted. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I agree with you when you said that Father’s day is like a forgotten holiday, that was what I actually wanted to write about. Happy father’s day to your dad!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. This is beautiful. Dads are so important, and every child deserves to have a mother and a father who stays. A father’s love and care is immeasurable, and therefore it’s hard to explain in words. May God bless you and your dad! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Thanks for the candor of your loving tribute to your father. As always, thanks for the “likes” on Dr. J’s Apothecary Shoppe, especially for the “Prelude to Father’s Day: Abba, Father.”

    I also loved the poster regarding the baggage that everyone carries and that we look for a friend who will help us unpack our baggage. This quote reminded me of this statement:by George Eliot:“A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”

    Thanks again for your encouragement.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Dr. J. I’m glad you liked the quote art! They’re a little bit of a labor or love to make, so I really appreciate the feedback! And what a great quote by George Eliot! Thanks for sharing! hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Being a father is a privileged responsibility. It’s scary too, especially raising young ladies. There’s no manual, just instinct and whatever we’ve learned from our own father. My father died 4 weeks ago and I blogged it quite extensively (16-18 May), reflecting on the loss of that loving guidance. Spiritually, however, that guidance didn’t leave at all. When I talk, play, laugh, guide my girls, I feel him next to me.

    Another wonderful post, missus, great job!

    Happy Fathers’ Day to all dads out there. They do one heck of a job.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend, Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry for you loss. My heart is hurting for you friend. Sending you such a big hug. That’s so great that you still feel him. ❤️❤️❤️ What a comfort to know that we will all be reunited one day in heaven ❤️❤️❤️ Thanks for sharing your heart. Hugs and love xox

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    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry for your loss. That absolutely breaks my heart. Somehow, writing does help to process things we didn’t even realize we needed to say. Sending a big big hug and I look forward to reading your words. Hugs and love xox

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  25. Your words are so profound and meaningful. It also sums up everythin my dad was which sadly i never got the opportunity to say or show because he left the world too soon. May God bless you an urbparents with long life to enjoy each other 💛💛💛

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    1. Thank you so much for this reflection. I’m so sorry for your loss. sending you a big hug through the screen. How comforting to know that we will all be reunited one day in Heaven ❤️❤️❤️ thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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  26. This is a beautiful tribute to your father. He should be very proud of you! I lost my father 11 years ago, and I thank God that we had a wonderful relationship before he left us. There are still times I wish I could ask his advice. He was a great Christian and taught me to love our Lord who is the best Father ever! Keep up the great posts (and I too am waiting patiently to see your full face 🙂 )

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was an amazing father. What a joy to know that we will all be reunited with our loved ones in heaven ❤️ sending you a big big hug xox

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  27. Aww this is such a sweet post! It makes me miss my dad and I will give him a call right away 🙂 I am now inspired to write a post honoring my dad. Thanks!

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  28. Ditto all of the comments I “liked” above.

    Following your blog and listening to the outpouring of your heart must make your Father’s own heart burst with love and pride.

    I am happy for him that you survived yourself.

    God bless you, JD. Well done, as always. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  29. This is so touching. I am glad you appreciate your dad for being a great father. It is a great privilege to have caring, loving and patient parents. I thank GOD every day for my parents because i know i would not be where i am today without them. Much love ♥♥

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  31. You did something really special here, even if you didn’t realize it. Not only is this a great tribute to you dad, but you reminded me – and maybe a lot of other dads – that while I might be having problems with my own, even when tough love is required, it should be delivered gently. I can’t let my own frustrations and disappointments color my message. That wouldn’t be…Fatherly.

    As always, you’re more helpful than you know! Thank you, my friend!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Jeffrey, thank you so much for this. I’m so glad that it prompted that reflection. Dads have such an important and difficult job…they’re truly superheroes. thanks for stopping by! happy fathers day to you friend xox

      Liked by 1 person

  32. Clearly reading this on public on my phone was a mistake!Tearing up and smiling all at the same time.Beautifully expressed,and painfully honest-thank you for sharing.Your heavenly and earthly Fathers must be very proud x

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  33. As a father of four who has screwed up in some pretty colossal ways, and as the son of a father who didn’t make it past his early 40’s, I can say it’s one of the most difficult jobs I’ve ever had. I’m in my early 50s now, and while it’s not too late to keep changing and adapting and learning God’s direction for my life, I panic sometimes wondering just how badly I’ve screwed my kids up, and wonder how God can be glorified in allowing me to mature without my own dad.
    Thanks for your heartfelt words Beebs. It makes me smile. Des

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Damon, thank you so much for sharing this. I can’t imagine the responsibility and difficulty of being a father. I can clearly barely take care of myself, let alone a family! I’m sorry that you lost your father. sending a big hug. We’re all just doing the best we can. I often struggle with wrestling with my past and how much my actions have hurt those people I love dearly – my father included. But God just reminds me that there is power in love. Love heals. And it is never too late. Even though my past is not glittery and perfect, I can build going forward with my loved ones. Thanks for your heartfelt reflection. hugs and love my friend xox

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  34. You have put into words something many of us experience and can’t figure out how to express. My dad took more of the leader role in our childhood and was the disciplinary figure; it wasn’t until we were grown that he expressed that he felt he had missed out on the joy of our childhood. He was always busy working and making sure we had all we needed; I was blessed with a brother after all but one of my sister’s were grown and out of the house. It was a blessing to see him with our children and my brother he made up for all the missed memories with them. He never misses an opportunity to share this with us which makes up for it all. As to the father Damon, you would be amazed at the ability to forgive children have for parent’s mistakes they realize we have no guides just as they don’t as to how to be teenagers. As you stated in your blog post, those of us who had or still have our fathers in our lives are extremely lucky. I super enjoy reading your blog; keep up with your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Missy, thank you so much for sharing this beautiful reflection. I’m so glad that your father has been able to experience those thing with your children. That makes me all choked up. He sounds like a wonderful man. And you’re right – we’re all just figuring out life as we go along. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Sending big hugs to you friend xox

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    1. Thank you so much for this Jane. That’s so true – trust trust trust, even when we can’t understand. I’m sorry your father is no longer on this earth. What a comfort to know that we will all be together again with our loved ones in Heaven one day. Sending big hugs to you friend.

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  36. Dearest BBB,

    Compassion! Yes! That ability and willingness to be with another in her/his suffering (and I would include joy; as in the Apostle Paul’s gracious counsel that we weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice), for me, the quintessentially necessary attribute of all human relationships and interrelatedness.

    Thank you for this post. Thank you for loving tribute to your earthly father and our heavenly Father.

    Much love,
    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Paul! Thank you so much for this reflection. I so agree — Joy is SO important! I even wrote a blog post about it, called The Importance of Joy! 🙂 hehe But you’re so right – it is infection. It colors how you view the world. And it brings joy to the Fathers when we are joyful in Him.
      Thanks for stopping by. hugs and love xox

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  39. I have been thinking about Father’s Day all week and how fitting it is to have it on a Sunday and how much our father in heaven just loves us

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      1. Hoping to get a few blog posts up myself over the next week, sadly been finding it difficult to get them seen if you know what I mean, any advice? x

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  41. This is so well said! I don’t denominate myself as part of any particular religious or spiritual group, but I just realized this very thing recently, in a slightly different context. I realized that because my father left and I..repudiated him?…it led to an overall rejection of a lot of things I have had to go back and pick up in life. Thanks for putting this so well.

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    1. Thanks boozilla! I really appreciate your kind words. So glad it brought about this reflection. I’m sorry your father left. You did not deserve that. Sending you a big hug my friend xox

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  43. Beautiful. The one thing I will say about a True and Loving parent, you never have to go back and change anything because they will never hold it against you. We as parents always try to be understanding through all things with our children especially when they are going through something that is out of their control. Our biggest joy is just having our child in our lives and realizing though things may get tough we are in this together. Your father I’m sure loves you unconditionally and would never ask you to change one day of your life because all things happen for a reason. Your challenges have brought together a bond that many wish for. When you are weak, your parents are your strength and God is the strength of you all. Don’t feel guilty at all for anything in the past because you know it was the work of a Disease and not your Heart. Blessings and Happy Father’s Day to your Dad!

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    1. Thank you so much Corrie. Wow I am so touched by your words. You’re right-zany dad doesn’t hold any of my past against me. He’s just glad that I’m on the other side, healthy and living again. And amen to that- He is the strength of us all! Thanks for taking the time to read! Hope you have a wonderful weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  44. Legit, almost cried. This is beautiful and I’m sure it will fill your dad’s heart when he reads this. I love that you feel your Dad is a reflection of our heavenly father- that’s awesome! Great read for the upcoming holiday. Btw- I’m in love with your user of punctuation:)

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  46. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt fathers day post. The way we are able to express ourselves in writing and faith is powerful.

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  49. This was a beautiful tribute to your dad!! 🙂 He sounds like a very special man. Dads are SO incredibly important, as you said; and I know he loved this blog post of yours so much. 🙂

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  50. I hadn’t thought about Father’s Day as a day for me and God, which is odd. I’ve often thought about the similarities between my pain at being shunned by my daughter with the pain God feels at our shunning him. But I hadn’t thought about spending the day with Him….and asking him to remove the bitterness and resentment I feel about how I am treated (even though I’ve treated Him the same way sometimes).
    Thanks for the insight 🙂 Have a good weekend with both your F/fathers 😀

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    1. Hi Jeff, thank you so much for this. I’m sorry that this day reminds you of pain. That breaks my heart❤️ I hope you and your daughter can heal that relationship. I will keep you all in my prayers. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your heart. Hugs and love xox

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