Sharing a Photo of my Past

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well guys, I officially cannot believe I’m doing this.

Seriously. I’m sitting here thinking about it, and I’m like…


Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

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In case you missed the title, I’m sharing a photo with you from my past. When I was in the throes.

The video says it all…why I haven’t previously shared a photo, why I am choosing to now, and what I think when I see this image today.

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Just a gentle note, this image could be triggering, so please view at your own discretion. (Image at 4:30)

Thanks for watching, and thanks for taking this journey with me.

Without further ado… (Click on the photo or click here to play 😉 )

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

382 thoughts on “Sharing a Photo of my Past”

      1. No thanks needed but thank you to you, your advice is helpful. I’m just trying to be like you when I grow up. Lol 🙂

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      3. The other night I had a dream that me think about you. I wrote about it, it’s called Beauty Beyond Me. It’s probably not what you’d expect but you gotta read all the way till the end. Let me know if you like it. Be honest. I guess it is kind of about you. Lol

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      5. I am so happy you liked it. Thank you for all your kind words and honesty AND being a somewhat of a muse. That sincerely means the world.

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  6. You are an amazing woman! I cried watching because what you said touched me so much, I have been through so much and seeing this has helped me a lot. You will help so many people with this video. I wish I could give you such a big hug love. Stay Awesome!

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  9. I felt all kinds of feelies and emotions throughout the video. That was brave of you to share a dark moment of your life. Though honestly I still couldn’t see the physical/emotional pain in the picture, it was that beaming radiant smile i bet. I’m sure you know the difficulties well enough but I just saw a brave smiley girl. If a saw anymore than I was suppose to based on that photo that would probably make me judgmental wouldn’t it? Arguably, if we saw more of the body it would be more obvious. Maybe my eyes are not adjusted to critically analyze a person based on their facial appearance, probably for the best. Things have definitely got better though. You look so good now! Much Love.

    Nam

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  10. All through the time I have been reading your Blog I have never focused on the anorexia because of course it isn’t there to be glorified like you said, I focused on your faith, I mean wow, I had the picture of the roman centurion when he went up to Jesus and had so much faith in Him, you have been through so much and you have so faith in Him, I always see your inner beauty the beautiful spirit that’s in your heart, that’s what has kept me reading and it has given me so much encouragement and I am so thankfully for you being in my life ❤ and about the other thing, you are a new creation, that past you I know is gone, washed in the glorious blood of the lamb, I understand the mental scars will always be there but Jesus is working on those day by day and I know God is using this history these struggles as fire for the goodness of God as a testimony of Faith, I am so proud of the progress you have been made even if i wasn't there at the beginning of your recovery, I love you with all my heart sister, you will forever be in my heart if we ever get to meet or not, as I know were are definitely meet one day 😉

    Benjamin xxxxx

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  13. Thanks for sharing this video with us! I love the way you end with a total heart of gratitude for being alive! God brought you through to be a testimony to others. Thanks again

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  15. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable moment with us. I often look back on old pictures not out of envy of not being that thin anymore but to see how far I’ve come and all the progress I have made. Yes it is weight that it noticeable to the eye but looking at those pictures makes you feel how far your mind body and soul have come. Kuddos to you, keep inspiring everyone around you! ❤

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  18. Such strength, such honesty, such a witness! You are a blessing to so many who read this and to all those people who have yet to meet you. I thank our loving Father for you and thank him for the way he has chosen to use you. Thanks

    I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. 1 Corinthians 1:4

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  21. Wow. That was very powerful stuff. Thank you for having the courage to share. Maybe it will inspire someone else to summon the strength to set foot on the path to healing.
    If you consider the two images side by side, the “current” you shows genuine happiness when you smile. The you in the” throes” may be smiling, but it looks like it’s forced happiness. Smiling because it’s expected.
    Keep doing what you are doing, especially if YOU believe it is helping. We are all here for you.

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    1. Thanks so much for this kind response. That’s very insightful-it was definitely a forced smile. A frantic smile. A smile that was doing everything it could to conceal the pain inside. So glad to have a genuine smile back:) thanks for your support. Hugs and love xox

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  23. I waited until now to watch this because I wanted to give my full attention to it. You are brave, you are strong… You are brave and strong in the Lord. Keep telling your story because I believe you ARE helping people by sharing your journey. Blessings Jim

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  27. It’s clear how big of a step this was for you. Realize that there is power and love in the body of Christ. That power and love will be an amazing support for you as you keep going on your journey. Sharing this tells us where you’ve been and helps us to better understand what you’re going through and what you’re thinking–keep it up and we will support you!!!

    In Him,
    Tom

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  29. Thank you for liking my blog. I’m just starting on my long road to recovery from drug addiction. I find your story to be inspiring. I hope I can beat my own demons. Also you are a much better writer than I am. I have no idea what I’m doing but I find writing to be catharic so I’m going to keep at it. Best wishes.

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    1. Thank you so much for this reflection. Know that I am cheering for you on your journey to recovery! 🙂 thanks for stopping by and keep writing! I look forward to reading more! Hugs and love xox

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  30. Wow! It’s not like me to struggle for words to say. If I was with you right now, I would be asking, “Can I give you a hug?” Very brave. May god bless you.

    Barry P 🙂

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  31. Thank you for your post. You have a beautiful story. This disease is so destructive. It took a lot of courage to put that photo out there for the world to see. You have obviously come a long way. You are a beautiful person!

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  32. I understand what a courageous and humbling thing it is to look back and say this was me. We can’t see what is not physically there but you can. I’m so inspired by the example you set. Your light is bright, indeed.

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      1. You are most welcome, C. Thank you for recharging my happy batteries. Big Dragon Brother hugs in return. 😀

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  33. A friend (who also has a chronic illness) and I have been “email-discussing” the idea of the Gift of Suffering. She and I are both convinced that God will allow (or permit) us to suffer because we can use our suffering to bless others. There are many scriptures that point to this general concept. You, also, have found the gift of suffering (a deeper walk with God, comforting others with the comfort you received from Christ). I am glad that you are on this side. Still, your tribulation developed patience; patience, character (maturity); and maturity, hope. And, hope never fails. In fact, I wonder if I should write a blog about this idea? Do you think people would understand that I am not minimizing their pain and suffering?

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    1. Thank you so much for this reflection Rose. That’s such a deep way of thinking about suffering. I definitely think you’re onto something. And amen to that-hope never fails. I’d definitely love to read your thoughts further! Hugs and love xox

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  35. I just wanted to tell you that it’s not dramatic for you to be grateful that you’re alive! Anorexia is a disease that takes so many lives and is so hard to recover from. Your story is such a beautiful testament and honestly, a miracle. I know I feel like I’m being overly dramatic sometimes, and find it so helpful when friends tell me I’m actually realistic in my word choice. So I just wanted to do that for you 🙂

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  36. Hello Friend – While watching your video tonight, one thought kept coming to mind over and over…”but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31 I see you soaring and I am honored to be invited to see you soaring like in eagle. Thanks be to God! 🙂

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  37. God Bless you! Thanks for sharing your journey with us and for sharing something so personal – that was very courageous; God healed you so that you can turn around and heal others and you do that every time you blog. Keep being you..

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  38. That was courageous ! I too had eating disorders for more than half my life… I totally understand anorexia… And bulimia. And how great freedom through Gods grace is!!!🙏
    Thank you for sharing

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  40. That was a touching video and your blog is inspiring. I’m so happy for you. Look at how far you’ve come! You’re amazing and beautiful.

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  41. I’m so happy for you that you acknowledge and recognize how far you’ve come from that chapter of your life. Looking backwards gives us unique insights and perspective to the journey ahead. Thank you for sharing that piece of you.

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  43. It’s interesting that the Olympic ad led you to reflect on your own story and journey. Life isn’t all about the “highs” and you certainly shared a “low” point, which is very brave of you to do. It’s wonderful to hear your gratitude! I have a friend who recovered from an ED, but we don’t really talk about it much. Following your blog and story makes me think of her…and just reflect that we don’t often know someone’s full story. It’s a reminder to simply be kind and gentle to one another as we all have a different journey in life.

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  46. Dear Caralyn:

    I always get a twinge when you use “authentic.” It still stimulates the thought that your feel a need to justify yourself before us. But I think that your revelation here is really important to me in getting “calibrated” (another sense of making my experience of your story “authentic”) regarding the depth of your struggle. So, if it’s possible, could you place the photo in context? Was this before or after your intervention? I’m assuming that the hair is the orange fuzz that grew in after your lost your original crop.

    However, I understand if you don’t wish to elaborate.

    Thank-you for providing this image to those of us that haven’t suffering ED or similar disorders. I had brief associations with stick-thin women that were obviously bulimic or anorexic, but never someone so terribly wasted by the disease. I didn’t understand, and I an grateful to have benefited from your courage.

    You are so blessed by your physiological recovery. That also inspires hope for those engaged in the fight to pull loved ones through to health.

    Brian

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    1. Thank you so much for this reflection and perspective Brian. Yeah it definitely shows the severity of my disease. This was before I went to inpatient. My senior prom. Answering these questions is bringing up some negative emotions so I’m going to just leave it there. Thanks for understanding. Xx

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      1. I understand entirely.

        At one point, I was sending Christmas reflection to Cardinal Mahoney out here in Los Angeles. In one of them, I suggested that those that have strong hearts bring them to the cross for Christ to use in healing others.

        Mine is held out to you.

        Brian

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  47. BBB, thank you for sharing this visual part of your story with us. I know it was a big step and even bigger act of vulnerability for you to do so, my beloved friend and sister in Christ!

    How I do so thank God for you! I am thankful you are with us 🙂 ❤

    How do you spell your name, by the way 🙂

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