Sharing a Photo of my Past

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well guys, I officially cannot believe I’m doing this.

Seriously. I’m sitting here thinking about it, and I’m like…


Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

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In case you missed the title, I’m sharing a photo with you from my past. When I was in the throes.

The video says it all…why I haven’t previously shared a photo, why I am choosing to now, and what I think when I see this image today.

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Just a gentle note, this image could be triggering, so please view at your own discretion. (Image at 4:30)

Thanks for watching, and thanks for taking this journey with me.

Without further ado… (Click on the photo or click here to play 😉 )

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

382 thoughts on “Sharing a Photo of my Past”

  1. I love your vulnerability in this. Right now I’m taking a Christian counseling course and have learned the value of vulnerability in the process of healing. What you did by sharing that photo with us was brave, and risky for you. Thank you for trusting us and being you, just the way you are 🙂

    I can clearly see such a difference between your old self and who you are now. What a testimony that is! I’m blessed to read your blogs. As a missionary and someone who works in ministry as a lifestyle, I love seeing people like you who are so inspiring by just being you the way God made you to be, and not even serving in some kind of church ministry or something else.

    Thank you for being you 🙂
    -Jonathan

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Dear Beauty, You are truly beauty beyond bones – That is to say; bones are all sort of challenges you face in life and you have grown beyond them, stronger beyond their strongness, for the Creator has wish it to be so. Thanking you with love for your kind gesture and liked on my little work. God bless and keep you.

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  3. I didn’t think I would cry, but I did. I know that face and I’m so grateful for your sharing. You look like a transformed and beautiful, healthy woman now-who managed to anti age in the process! Blown away.

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  4. This took guts, real guts and obviously was not without cost to you. I trust and pray that God will continue to bless you in your courage and honesty. As a close Christian friend of me said before his dementia robbed him of his mind – “being a Christian does not mean we will not have to go through tough times. What it does mean is that we are not alone in those times.” Oh – and thanks for liking one of my poems. For someone just starting out with a Blog it is greatly encouraging. I hope you will find others relevant/useful.

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  5. So it’s been a few posts since I left a really complete comment 😉

    You know there have been a few occasions where I kind of just rampaged through facebook deleting everything. Not for the same reasons of course but I don’t really like to think about some periods in my life, so I can relate a little bit and with that as a starting point it makes me wonder just how much junk I’m still ignoring in the trunk because I just don’t want to go there / remember that person / admit that was me. I’m a very reserved and very self-absorbed person–the kind that may not remember your name the first time because I was too worries about what I was going to say next / what tone I was going to use / whether a bad pun would be appreciated by someone I can’t even remember the name of five seconds after they’ve told me (and don’t even get me started on the hours afterward I’ll spend running over the possible names that I could’ve heard trying hopelessly to hit the right tag in my brain all the while kicking myself for being too self-absorbed to remember a simple name) yeah, I’m not sure where all that came from cause it was NOT in my mental notes (a snapshot into my mind).

    Anyway.

    What I was starting to say is, I’m proud, and I hope you’re proud too of what Christ has accomplished in you, his beautiful masterpeice, Caralyn, a young woman greatly beloved (#throwbacktodaniel #iknowbutijusthadto)

    It’s not hard to tell (or maybe you’re just a good actor 😉 ) this is big for you and at first I was like ‘well that’s not so big,’ and not that I was thinking that in like a discrediting way but I couldn’t (and I’m sure still don’t) completely grasp what a step it was for you to share that photo with us, but at the same time (and maybe this is where that tidbit at the beginning came from) it got me thinking about all the reminders I’ve buried over the years that don’t even seem nearly so big as this but that I wouldn’t want to dig up for a thousand bucks a pop. (Maybe a million–MAYBE 😉 ) I guess it just impressed on me a bigger sense of what kind of courage it took for you to go through with that. Bravo (:

    (I actually feel like this comment turned out a lot lamer than I was planning but, WHATEVER) (curse you, over-introspection) I don’t think I can put it any better than I already did to say, I’m proud, and I’m pretty darn lucky to have stumbled on your story because my golly gosh it’s been so encouraging to follow along.

    Anyway, I’ll stop rambling now 😉
    Happy Sunday!

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    1. Hey Carson! Oh my gosh this comment really made me smile. First of all, it was totally NOT lame at allll! It was really thoughtful and heartfelt and I so appreciate it. And golly gosh (☺️) am I grateful that our paths crossed too! Because you just continue to enrich my life, so thank you for that my friend. Have a wonderful rest of your Sunday! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  8. while listening to your heartfelt story of transformation I also saw myself. although we are vastly different physically, age, gender, and issues of our past, the spirit of our transformations has common ground. I thank you for your honestly, and openness.

    bless you my friend

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  10. Hi Caralyn….going for the Gold medal again in bravery (you remember what I said you first got it for, right? 😉 And yet, it is with great hope and prayer that I believe that the sharing of this will allow that darkness to be brought into the Light, to be surrendered. There’s an expression that I think came from AA that you are only as sick as your secrets. YOU have been hauling out those secrets, bringing them to the surface, hewing them out of the ossified fears and torments of the past, throwing them out into the light where they can be turned over to God. He has granted you the knowledge, the courage, the wisdom of when and how to do this, and will help you through this.
    Keep going daughter of the Most High 😀

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    1. Hahha than you Jeff. That’s kind of you to say. Yes, I know and love that saying well. It’s so true. When we let people in, it no longer has power over us. Thanks for your encouragement. God is good. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  11. wow this is beautiful!! Thank you for liking my blogg, as I have just started. It brought me to your bogg..god really works in mysterious ways, just when you liked my blogg I was actually having lunch at a hospital. And I came across a older woman who was anorexia and I was asking God how does a person become like this and how does it go this far.. Its so amaizing, as I went on your blogg I got all the answers and it has helped me to understand and have abit knowledge. Because of your blogg I now have some understanding, and now I can go and pray for people out there who is struggling!! Your blogg is so inspirational, and so uplifting!! It is so amazing to see how the Lord has touched your heart and you are a living proof that with God there is healing and revival.. I pray that God may use you more and more, and as you are writing this blogg it may bring light to all those who are broken.. May you be a light to the world as the word says we are a light to the world..

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  12. I cannot imagine what courage you had to summon to publish this post. You would be impressed by the latest post of someone else with a similar, but possibly far less extreme ED history: kelseymunger.com.
    Strangely I followed her blog because of the strong, commonsense Christian spirit of her writing and had not realised her past ED history until reading this.
    Tony.

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  13. I should point out, in case you check her blog, I describe her writing as ‘commonsense Christian’ because she rejects the extreme ‘dangling you over the pit’ hellfire and guilt inducing preaching she was subjected to as a teenager and is not a churchgoer. Nevertheless she has come through it with, I think unknowingly, a sense of balance which Jesus would love.

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  14. Its hard to look back at ourselves when in the past we feel the breaks. I hate old pix of me because I was at least 2x if not more, of my size now. All my friends love sharing old pix of them. I don’t. I usually share old pix of places I’ve been but not of me. I totally confide with your feelings of your old shot. I feel the same gratefulness that you do about where I’ve come from that. You are beautiful now and have made your presence into a beautiful present and that will keep on carrying you to a beautiful future. Biggest love and hugs!! xoxoxoxoxo

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    1. Thank you so much Migueltio:) yeah I am definitely super grateful to not be in that place any longer. Thank you for your beautiful encouragement and support. You’re a good friend and I’m grateful for you:) massive hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and God saw your true beauty even before He and healed you lead you to where you are today
    You are a true light to illuminate the darkness of disbelief and give hope to those who are still struggling

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  22. Thank you for liking my blog, because it allowed me to find yours. We have opposite struggles, but what’s great to see is how God can use opposites to remind us that He loves us and that with His strength we can love ourselves so that we can love others. On my next run, I’ll be praying for you, I hope that’s ok!

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  26. There are women on tv who are way too thin. Take back your life. You are the inspiration for many. Be who You are. Be bold.

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  27. Still loving your perspective on life. God has recently been teaching me about living a life of thankfulness. It’s such a testimony to the reality of God that you came out of anorexia with gratefulness. Gratefulness to God for healing and life. Thanks for being vulnerable with us!

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  28. Beautiful testimony! I too suffered from an eating disorder for many years, and the transformation in heart and finding your identity in Christ makes all the difference. So glad you emphasized that point! He is faithful and I pray He continue to use you to reach those who feel hopeless and lost. There is hope! So glad you found it!

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  29. Thank you for being so open to sharing your journey. I’m really glad I found your page on here (as I sit in my school library trying not to cry!).
    It’s inspiring for me to read/see your thoughts/feelings/journey. Since I have reached a more stable level of my own recovery from anorexia, I feel compelled to share my story/thoughts/etc. with others as well. I know when I’ve been really low, it helps to hear from people who have been where I’ve been and made it through. It’s a kind of help and hope that not just anyone can offer.
    I thank you for this blog, because it takes a brave soul to go through this journey, and a brave soul to share the journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful comment! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. And I’m so glad that you’ve embraced the freedom of recovery. Know that I’m cheering for you in your journey! Sending you massive hugs xoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Having only stumbled across your blog as you had liked one of mine (and thank you for that) you truly are just a normal, honest, and gracious young woman who has remarkable strength and courage to share this with everyone.

    Take heart from this as I’m sure you have, that you faced up to a fear and you have come through the other side.

    Just keep enjoying your life, keep creating life lasting memories and most of all do everything that makes YOU happy.

    Looking forward to following your journey.

    All the best and take care,

    Andrew

    Liked by 1 person

  32. My Dear, you absolutely GLOW now! Thank you so much for sharing that intimate part of you! It helps me see that no matter what the struggle, what our addictions are, there IS RECOVERY. May you be blessed as You share your journey with us fellow travelers.

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  34. Wow, dear. I applaud you and anyone else who has journeyed back from anorexia and is brave enough to tell about it. You may never know how many others you will help to recover. God bless you real good and wrap His loving arms aroun you.

    Thanks for visiting and liking my blogs, too.

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  37. It takes courage to share a painful part of your past. I hope you and others realize that the physical body is nothing more than a shell that holds the true you. What I see in your video is life in your eyes, in your photograph your eyes lack the life. Just remember to not judge yourself or others by outward appearances but only by the quality of the soul. May the Lord bless you and hold you.

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  41. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for being vulnerable. You bless many through that. God will use you to reach others… you know what it is like to have ‘been there’ – you know the feelings, the thoughts, the ‘throes’ as you put it, of this illness. Bless you on your journey!! (Have you read any Brene Brown? I’m reading the Gift of Imperfection and it’s amazing…. all about courage and vulnerability)

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  42. Well, first of all thanks for liking my blog !!!…. I am no spring chicken and yet, I have always liked to learn new things. So, writing is not new, however writing a blog is. I have no idea yet who gets to see what. Not relevant, since you found my blog and now I have found yours. Writing works magic for me and I see that video stories work magic for you. Thanks for sharing your story. We all learn from each other, one way or another….. later

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  44. As frightening and as gut wrenching as it can be, facing our past is one of the first decisions and steps we take toward healing. The butterfly cannot fly if chained to a stone.

    Proud of you I am and in awe of your journey.

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  46. Well I’m grateful you’re alive too. I know all too well the missteps that could have lead to the alternative. The world is a better place with you in it. Stay connected to the best that helps you understand what a beautiful person you are and affords you to live a beautiful and peaceful existence – my wish for you.

    Joe “Dico” Dicochea

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  49. So I just watched your video as well as read some of the first posts you wrote along your journey in recovery. What a talent you have. The first few post did in fact read like a book and with every press of the ‘next’ tab, I felt as if I was turning to another chapter in a book. I appreciate your candor and vulnerability, especially as a follower of Jesus. I too am a Christian and am currently dealing with an Ed. I am a fellow blogger and would so love if you would give my blog a visit. You seem really sweet in your video and I am also thankful that you are alive. That this illness did not claim your life. Thank you for being so real.

    outoforderyetwonderfullyarranged.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much Rayven. Gosh, what a kind note of encouragement. It truly means the world. And thanks for taking the time to watch my video and read my old posts. I’m sorry that you can relate personally. Know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers and that I believe in you. Big hugs xox

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  50. I was looking back at old family photos of the kids and I always cringe when I see myself. We have been so conditioned as women to think we must look a certain way all the time even if we just had a baby. We tend to be so very hard on ourselves and very unforgiving. It is hard to see pictures from points in life where we felt our lowest. They sometimes feel like daggers, but they’re a reminder of how far we have come and God’s grace. Thank you for your courage, for the video and the blog. I’m positive that you’re helping many women (and even a few men.)

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