Anorexia & the Sanctity of Human Life

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’ll tell you what, you’ve never watched a presidential debate until you’ve watched one in a bar with a bunch of Europeans on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

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I promise, I’m not getting political…

But let’s just say, they don’t mince words about how they really feel about Trump and Hillary. The term “Satan’s Spawn” was definitely used….and I’ll let you decide who they were referring to.

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ANYWHO.

I sat down to write this post tonight, and I felt like I needed to update you on my date, but honestly, after watching the debate tonight, and everything that has gone on this weekend, from Hurricane Matthew, to the shooting in Chicago, to the political climate, I just felt like…there are more important things to talk about than my love life….

So, to answer that first question, I had a lovely time on my date. Truly. He had me laughing the entire time, which I fully appreciate. Kind. Smart. Handsome. There will be a second date.

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And thank you to everyone “rooting” for me on the big night. Honest to goodness, it meant so much. 🙂

OK.

Now onto the important stuff.

I’m going to publish a post that I’ve had in my drafts for – literally 9 months. I haven’t worked up the courage to publish it…until now.

I thought it timely to discuss something that has been on my heart for a long time.

Part of the reason why I have been hesitant to write this is because I don’t want to offend anyone. Especially since it is election season, discussing “hot button issues” is always a recipe to rustle a few feathers.

But anywho…the Good Lord knows I haven’t minced words up until now, so this won’t be any different.

I am pro-life.

And here’s why:

During my adolescence, for a good two years, I had severe anorexia. You know this.

Although I never would have said, “I’m trying destroy my life,” I was doing just that. Compulsively exercising, barely eating, and lying about the whole bit, I wasted away to a mere 78 pounds as an 18 year old female. I was on death’s doorstep.

And though I would have never said, “I’m choosing to die,” my actions communicated otherwise.

Healing from an eating disorder is no small feat. The weight loss is merely a symptom of an internal battle being waged. And in order to overcome and heal, you have to get to the root of the internal issue. You’ve got to identify The Lie. And it’s different for everyone.

For me, I believed The Lie that I was not worth love. That the only way I was worthy of love was if I were perfect. Seems so trivial, but I believed it to my core. Enough to nearly die for.

And in order to heal, I had to replace that Lie with the Truth.

Which is this: I have worth because I am a child of God. 

I am made by the King: His precious daughter. And because of this fact (which I did nothing to earn) I have incomprehensible worth. My life has immeasurable worth.

The hardest thing for me to accept, was that my worth had nothing to do with my achievements. It wasn’t influenced by anything I did or won. Read: I didn’t have to be perfect. Which, frankly was a hard pill to swallow. Because I wanted it to be. I wanted to earn love and worth. That’s what I had grown up with in a family of overachievers. We earned success and the opportunities we had. But this was not the case with God.


And conversely, my worth and value was not decreased because of any shortcomings. I have a lot of “dirty laundry” and a past full of secrecy and lies associated with the disease. Hello — it was anorexia for pete’s sake. But even that had no effect on my worth as a human being.

I was made by God. His fingerprints are on me. And he loves me unconditionally.

And He proved my worth when He chose the cross.

That fact saved my life. It made me choose life. Choose recovery. Choose to live.

So how, then, can I not extend that truth to others? To the child in the womb? To the elderly on their deathbed? To the disabled or homeless? If I had worth at my 78 pound, emaciated shell of existence, simply because I was created by God, then so too, do all those other souls.

So too, do they. The only difference is that the unborn child, the elderly woman with dementia, the child with a disability that has left him unable to speak: those children of God are unable to use their voice to stand up for their worth as sons and daughters of our Creator.

So I must.

Human life is not disposable. And the only reason I have the authority to say that is because I nearly threw mine away. I took the gift that was my life, and abused it, despised it, spat on it, and pillaged any and all hope. So only having nearly lost it, do I now know how truly precious it is.


That is all.

I’m not going to try to change your minds or try and bash you over the head with statistics and figures about the unimaginable number of children lost to abortion in the United States since Roe v. Wade (58.6 million).

I’m just here to tell my story. And to tell how the only reason I’m standing here today is because knowing my worth in Christ made me choose life.

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413 thoughts on “Anorexia & the Sanctity of Human Life”

  2. Who did you mean when you say Europeans? haha; In fairness your love life and happiness is important to me, its deeply on my heart Sister <3; of course, the hurricane is on my heart of course, for a different reason 😦 I have various views of the 'election' and abortion but I won't get into that my lovely sister, sending you lots of love and hugs (& butternut squash ice cream 😀 ) xxx

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      1. Haha I thought they might be. I personally don’t like the term European, and I don’t mean it in a Pro-Brexit type way, I feel British is my identity, I know I see it more of a continent than a term of identity, but then what in a sense the only identity we need is with Christ our Lord & King and God the Father x

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      2. Oh I gotcha I gotcha. I totally understand. Yeah. There was a Russian and an Austrian too, but you’re right, I shouldn’t just lump everyone together. And you’re right-that’s our True identity! Hugs and love xox

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      3. It’s okay, I use the terms Scandinavian or Eastern European if I’m not sure where someone is from, to try to minimise offence by saying the incorrect country, I was trying to think of the word, for our identity the I realised, obviously its Christian Ha Ha I had such a blonde moment (which I can say as I am indeed blonde 😉 )

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      5. I hope you had a good day and have a good night sleep it 7:35am here I have an appointment in a bit with the doctor I’m sure she will be pleased the fact that I’m trusting in prayer and the Lord over anxiety and my sleep over the need for medication, been off them 2 months and Im slowly reaping the reward 😀 xx

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      7. had a good sleep is it about 10am there now? I made someones day when I told them i was was medication free 😀 ❤

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your stance at sure a touchy time as this. Seeing how open you are here inspires me to be more outspoken about my own pro-life stance. (This was the edited version of my reaction to your post; the unedited version: Preach Sister!)

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  8. Thank you for your precious comments. Pro-life describes my thoughts as well, from God’s timing for conception until God’s timing for the last breath to be taken.
    Two brief reflections. Today a friend passed away. She is in her late 40s or early 50s is my guess, and we had met her and her family during our church outreach ministry in the area where they lived, about 15 years ago. They attended our church for a while, periodically, via our bus ministry, and when they moved from this area we would keep in touch by fb at times. The last four months were rough on her as she spent a great deal of time in hospital from a heart attack, but she did return home. Then I received another msg from her daughter this past Friday that she was back in hospital, after a fall, with brain damage, and given 24-48 hours until they unhook her from life support. There was no more that could be done, as her body was shutting down. The value of each life is seen in times like this, as to how she will be missed by family and friends. The value of Christ in a life is seen, as the daughter and son know she will be with Jesus, as on her initial stay in hospital, I had the privilege of visiting her, again sharing the love of Jesus Christ with her, and leading her in a prayer for her Salvation as she lay in bed. Her son was also at her bedside at that time. As she was in the hospital this time, I had the privilege of sharing the message of Salvation with the daughter, who has not accepted Christ yet. I explained how Jesus loves her, is calling her, and how she will one day see her Mom again, if she will surrender to Christ and accept Him as Saviour,

    Second account to share. My 66 year old sister was just settled into a Long Term Care Residence (Nursing Home) this past week. She has been in a Retirement Home for seven years, but the Dementia suddenly took a turn for the worse, along with a number of unknown, as yet undiagnosed health issues, and she had been in hospital for two months, before there was an availability in the L.T.C. Facility.
    It is difficult, when visiting her, to see her sitting in the wheelchair, with a glazed look on her face, not knowing what is going on, not able to speak, unable to walk or stand at all. Some days we can get a smile, or a bit of a laugh, which is heartwarming, but then she is back into the unknown world.
    She knows Jesus as Saviour, but it is difficult seeing her go through this time, as we don’t know what is in her mind at any time. She yells out at night, but that reason is unknown, and cries a great deal, but can’t tell us what is going on inside.
    I know her life is still worthy and valuable to God, but lots of questions arise.

    Sorry for writing all this, in my, as I said “brief” reflection. Thanks for “listening”
    God Bless.

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    1. Hi George, I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you played an important role in her life, especially in her final days. What a powerful and beautiful thing. And I’m sorry your sister is going through that. That truly breaks my heart. I will keep her, as well as your family, in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs xox

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  10. Yesterday the train out to Santa Barbara was 40 minutes late, so I spent an hour standing on the platform while listening to Lauren Daigle and WOW Worship. I noticed fifteen birds on the power lines, and remembered the spring mornings at elementary school in Palos Verdes when the sky would be almost darkened by flocks of birds that would cover the fields forcing us onto the asphalt for P.E. And in those memories I took a look at the concrete and asphalt and sheet metal and gravel and realized that we had covered over with death this place that once was alive with birds and animals in the brush.

    Of course cities aren’t so big when you consider all the empty space between them – except we’ve converted all those to farms except where the hills rise, and the hills here in SoCal burn in wildfires and because of Global Warming and the drought they stay bare now.

    We’re supposed to be the intelligence of this place – that’s the gift God gave us that he gave to no other creature in equal measure. We’re supposed to understand and make better choices than natural instinct allows other creatures to make. For me, that includes a woman being able to choose when to bring a child into the world.

    I’ve hugged women and felt their unborn children waiting for them to find a good father so that they could be born into the world. So to me, life doesn’t begin at conception – it begins when the soul of the child enters the womb. That’s a decision made by the child in communion with God, and something that only the mother knows for sure. My sense is that most natural abortions (in what -two-thirds of all pregnancies?) occur because no child enters the womb, that being critical to proper development of the embryo.

    So while I appreciate and honor your love of life, I hope that you can understand why I believe that this is not a matter to be legislated and enforced by police and prisons. It is a matter to be negotiated by God, mother and child, with a loving father an honored adviser.

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    1. Hi Brian! Thank you so much for this perspective. I definitely respect your position and I love the dialogue! What a journey your mind took while waiting for the train! I wish I could be that aware and in tune during my commute. I just zone out and try to fall asleep with my eyes open haha. But you’re right, there’s a lot of destruction in the environment and it really is sad. Especially when we remember who created the beautiful world we inhabit. Thanks for this food for thought. Hope your weeks off to a great start! Hugs and love xox

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  12. If there’s one thing I now know, this is the most passion-fueled post I’ve read from you in months–possibly ever. Bravo! I’m with you all the way. There’s no way once you feel the life Christ bled away beaten and shredded to cole-slaw consistency to offer, there’s no way you can be unchanged by that. There’s no way I could be anything but pro-life when one innocent man went through that for past, present and yet-to-comes. The more and the more and the more I come to terms with that… there’s just no way.

    Thanks for another stirring post, Caralyn

    Also, happy Canadian Thanksgiving! ;D

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      1. Actually it was yesterday but (cue a couple friendly hobbits,) don’t they know about second Thanksgiving? 😉

        I just love seeing his life and love and passion coming out of you in the gifts he’s developing in you (:

        Have a lovely week! (:

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  13. That feeling of inadequacy, our belief that we just aren’t enough for the people we love and everyone else, is more dangerous than I initially thought. I’ve suffered this for a long time, making me an over-achiever as my compensation (or over compensation) who easily gets affected by any perceived failure or rejection in anything I do….
    I’m happy for you that in the end, you have turned the negative into positive. It’s a continued process, I think, so I wish you well everyday. I still have the feeling, maybe I haven’t worked through it properly but it’s a bit better knowing the problem and acknowledging it.
    Lotsa love to you.. 💖

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      1. It’s my pleasure. Thank you for letting me share / use your platform. Most of all, thank you for your inspirational posts always.
        Yes, one day at a time… 🙂 Bear hugs back to you. xx

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  15. thank you for this lovely post. it made me tear. :’) honestly i haven’t been in the best of shape, but reading your posts never fail to bring me back to Christ and remind me of my worth in Him- which matters more than anything else. you inspire me so so much, with your passion and faith in Jesus ❤

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      5. I feel like we’re on opposite sides of the world but if you ever drop by Asia do let me know ☺️💕

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  16. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much! I have travelled a similar journey and it has taken me many years to be honest with myself. Honesty and openness have liberated me, and because of brave and honest people like yourself, I no longer feel alone.

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  19. Very powerful indeed. Having read some of your earliest postings, you’ve taken a tremendous journey that has forged a powerful awareness and love you have today. Anyone would be honored to share that awareness.

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  20. I love how you mention battling with the feeling that you have to earn God’s love (I think that was in there.) I constantly battle with that…. I try to remind myself that I don’t and can’t do anything to deserve it, but I get His love anyway. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that feeling :). Also the pro life topic is a really tough one to bring up, I think you are brave to do so and you opened the topic with grace and poise…. thanks, as always, for a great share!

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  21. I applaud your bravery not only in the writing of this post, but in you entire recovery. You are refreshingly honest and authentic and I look forward to seeing you in my inbox. Oh, and the butternut squash ice cream was good too 😀

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    1. Thank you so much Christine! What a kind thing to say 🙂 I’m so glad that you enjoy your time in this little dusty corner of the internet 🙂 hehe but seriously though, that means a lot. And yes!! yay for the ice cream! I’m actually off to the store as soon as I’m finished with these comments to get the ingredients for some! hahahaha making a big batch for the week 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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  22. Proverbs 24:11-12 (NKJV)

    11 Deliver those who are drawn toward death,
    And hold back those stumbling to the slaughter.
    12 If you say, “Surely we did not know this,”
    Does not He who weighs the hearts consider it?
    He who keeps your soul, does He not know it?
    And will He not render to each man according to his deeds?

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  23. Thank you for speaking truth to so many who have hidden behind this lie. I, too, was living in the shadows of ‘false beauty’. God loves the person he created even when we attempt to make it ‘better.’

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  25. The phrase that struck me most was “I am a child of God.” What a powerful truth, and surely He considers all of His daughters precious. Thanks for sharing.

    P.S. — I am pro life also 🙂

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  26. Great post! Read this article about late term babies who survive abortion, and are left to die in steel pans in the cold (so horrible, right?):
    http://liveactionnews.org/nurse-infant-who-survived-abortion-cried-while-left-alone-in-steel-pan-to-die/

    People do not like hearing these things, but they need to be said. And something needs to be done. Why can’t the right to life be extended to fetuses, especially the ones who survive late term abortion?!?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend! Thank you so much for this response. Oh my gosh that is truly heart breaking and gut wrenching. You’re right it’s uncomfortable and disheartening and frankly disturbing, but it is the truth. And thank you again for the reblog. Big hugs xox

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  28. This is absolutely fantastic! I totally agree with your opinion on choosing life. I struggled with depression after my father died, so I know exactly what you mean when you say you choose life. And I’m glad you did. Continue to share your stories.
    Oh, and I’m glad you had a great time on your date. I’ve been rooting for you!
    Much love,
    JP

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    1. Thank you so much JP, for sharing this. I’m so sorry for your loss, and that you had to endure that. I’m glad you chose life too 🙂 and thanks for rooting for me hehe You’re a great friend! 🙂 sending massive bear hugs xox

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  30. Amen!! Well said. We all I think have been in a situation or choice that we could have just give up our life but we didn’t. So I agree. Pro life all the way. Well said!!!!

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  31. Beautiful expression of thought. I believe that at heart everybody is pro-life but they get hung up on details…”what am I going to do with a baby, I’m too young, I’m too old, I don’t love the father, I don’t know who the father is, etc.” Like you said, every life Is precious to our Lord and He will show a way. Thanks

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  32. Well spoken on a very tricky subject. We do essentially choose to be pro-life when we choose to recover. I recall making that same choice. Good for you. However, having worked in child welfare and human services I must honestly say I’m pro-choice regarding abortions. I thank god I never had to make that choice but I’ve walked alongside many women, who for so many reasons have had to make that decision. Sometimes being pro-choice is actually pro-life. Side effects of a broken world. Oh and happy dating! 🙂

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    1. Hi Ruth! Thank you so much for sharing this perspective. What a powerful line of work you’re in. I’m grateful I’ve never had to face that decision too. My heart goes out to the women facing that difficult situation. So glad you stopped by. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  34. Amen! Yes! Share share share. That is why we are put in this earth to share our experiences with others to help them see God.

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      1. The greatest problem in America – and the whole world – is, in my opinion, not terrorism, not drugs, not abortion, poverty or crime, not the other political party, but simply the lack of goodness. It is our job to overcome evil with good, not to judge someone or join fear politics. Our only job is to bring down the goodness, mercy and joy of the heavenly Kingdom. To be pro Life is just one little part of that. Good to hear that your date was not an idiot 🙂 I wish you only happiness, Caralyn.

        Blessings,
        Mark

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  39. You have truly inspired me being someone who has dealt with anxiety for at least 30 years of my life. It’s one of my reasons for starting my blog as I said I would write about it and haven’t done so yet. This is an encouraging push to do so and I thank you. Goodluck with your journey and congrats on your accomplishments this far!

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  40. Couldn’t have said it better myself. No matter how ugly the world is (and it is), life is precious.

    Hey, nobody ever said us Christians had to be rational. We call the day God was murdered “Good Friday,” for crying out loud.

    You might lose readers for this, but whatever. Truth is truth.

    Continued good luck with everything!

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  42. I’m glad you overcame your reluctance to share your thoughts on a controversial topic, in a clear and convincing manner. We pro-lifers have nothing to apologize for—after all, without the right to life, no other human rights make sense!

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  44. I believe life is sacred, but we probably disagree on when it begins. Many anti-choicers insist life begins when an egg selects a sperm. I’ve had more than one person refer to blastocysts (what follows conception but precedes creation of the placenta and fetus) as “cuddly babies.” But a baby is not the only thing that stems from them. Some of those initial cells create/become the placenta. Placentas do wondrous things but they are neither cuddly or a baby. Life is preciously marvelous but living human beings aren’t in parasitic relationships with another human being, the way ticks are. Our lives do not begin prior to birth, we are not parasites.

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    1. Hi there! Thank you for this perspective. We definitely both agree on that: life is sacred. 🙂 I appreciate you sharing this. I love the dialogue! Hope you’re having a beautiful week! Big hugs 🙂

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  45. Great post. It reminded me of my worth to God. In my case, I feel a bit of an underachiever, & it’s killing me because I do have a competitive edge to me. So the last few I had forgotten about the importance of being God’s worth. Thank you, and I read this post from a personal perspective. And I’m glad to see you expose and explain your views I will such simple and human manner. Didn’t see any judgments. Instead it was experience and self-awareness at its best.

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    1. Hi Ana! Thank you so much for this reflection. You’re right-i always find myself measuring myself to the world’s standard but I have to remember my worth in Him is what truly counts. So glad it resonated with you:) Hugs and love xox

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  46. Well said. I am pro-life too. I was adopted. My mother was 17 years old, in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada and my father was an American pilot training in Canada during the II World War. Back in 1945, the year I was born, having a baby out of wedlock was much more difficult than it is today. I actually met my Mother a few years ago and I am glad I did. She asked me to forgive her but there was nothing to forgive. My real Mom married a few years later and had two daughters. Mom died a couple of years after I met her. She was a Christian. I have never met my real Father. I didn’t have an easy life growing up but I survived. At 26 years of age I became a Christian. I married the love of my life and we are still together. We had 5 children. That wasn’t easy either. God has given me grace so many times, and yes you are right, He accepts us as we are, He loves us as we are, if we acknowledge what His Son did for us on the cross. Life starts from there. I can’t judge what others decide, but I am sure you can understand that I am grateful to be here and that I found God’s love, experienced the love of my wife and children (and grandchildren) and learned so many things.along the way. Never be afraid to voice your convictions, be gentle, be considerate of others, but voice them. It helps us grow. Blessings!

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    1. Hi Bruce, thank you so much for this. And thank you for sharing your story. I am truly inspired. You’re right-we have been given grace in abundance. I’m so glad you stopped by and decided to share this. You’ve provided a truly beautiful perspective 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  47. Are you pro-life or a pro-lifer? One is more politically charged than the other and I can understand why you feel that way but I don’t get or like pro-lifers who feel they have a God given right to aggressively challenge those who choose not to give life to a fetus. I believe the human life is a precious one but every person still has the free will to make their choices and let the Man in The sky deal with it when the time comes. The political wing of the pro-lifers probably make a lot of women in dire places such as you were feeling more guilty than they should. In my humble opinion.

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    1. Hi there David! I am not political in the least so I guess that would make me pro-life? Haha I respect that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs. This is just mine:) thank you for sharing this perspective. Your and I definitely agree on that: life is precious:) hope you’re having a great week! Hugs and love xox

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  49. Regarding the sanctity of human life and the frankness of sharing, if you study scripture, you realize it is about others sharing their beliefs and words. Unfortunately, people use their words to as much for ammunition as they do to help heal, no different now that it was 600o years ago. On the other hand, Jesus used words to share. Perhaps, as you share, you and all of us who practice christian faith can remember this:

    The Lord Jesus Christ did not say “for me.”
    The Lord Jesus Christ said, “for you.”
    The bible is not a collection of words for “shaming” others.
    It is a collection of words for “sharing” with others.

    How do you truly relate?

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  50. You’re a brave girl indeed. We all have demons in our lives but it takes a lot of courage to open up like this and share how you defeated it. Bravo! 🙂 I am pleased to meet you through your blog. Looking forward to reading more of your posts!

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