VS Fashion Show: A Woman’s Perspective

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Unpopular opinion alert:

I will not be watching the Victoria’s Secret fashion show tonight.

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Every year, come mid December, in the midst of indulgent holiday consumption, Christmas cookies, eggnog, and holiday party food, society has decided that now would be the perfect time to showcase a parade of frightfully thin, Amazonian-physiqued women in lingerie.

And I was about to write that these women were “fit” but honestly, I can tell you for a fact, that many of these women have eating disorders. And the only way I have the authority to make that claim is because I am the survivor of one myself, and can recognize the signs and traits of one, plain as the nose on your face.

The Victoria’s Secret fashion show…I mean, I don’t know if it’s the Kardashian/Jenner infiltration into the modeling scene, or that we as a culture are obsessed with sex, but it seems that in recent years, the fashion show has just *exploded* in visibility.

Women flock to this television event in numbers that rival the Bachelor finale. It is the female equivalent of the Super Bowl.

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And men, well, let’s just say they’re not complaining.

Thinking about it…in terms of people who watch/relate to the fashion show of – let’s call it what it is: soft porn – I am a bit of an anomaly.

This is a parade of thinness and beauty and sex. And I…am an eating disorder survivor, and a virgin.

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Both of which, seem to be at odds with this spectacle of greased up bodies that appear hungry and cold.

But actually, that couldn’t be more from the truth.

My decision not to watch the fashion show is not in protest to the fashion show, nor an attempt to boycott the brand.

I’m not watching for me.

My not watching this exhibition of scantily clad women with unnaturally attained body types is my very own celebration of what they are attempting to “celebrate” and showcase.

They claim to be celebrating the female form and beauty and feminism and empowerment.

Well, by not watching, I’m doing the exact same thing.

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Being in recovery from anorexia, it’s one of those things that people can’t really understand unless they’ve lived it.

Like other addictions, you don’t just snap your fingers and then *BAM* none of the triggers or temptations have an effect on you anymore. No. They’re always still there. You just get stronger.

I still have to check myself when I look in the mirror and actively silence the negative self talk. I don’t keep full length mirrors in my apartment, for I know that I don’t want my mind going to those places that are not healthy for my recovery.

It’s not that I am fragile and on the edge of a relapse, but it’s because I have the wisdom (and been given the discernment by God) to know not to put myself in a situation where I could be tempted into a bad headspace.

So it is with the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

I’d be lying if I were to say that I don’t still struggle with comparing myself to other women. As a woman that’s about as “well endowed” as a 12 year old boy, it’s safe to say that there are things that I wish could be different about my body.

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So why then, would I willingly submit myself to an hour-and-a-half celebration of unhealthily thin bodies, which results in me feeling badly about myself, and seriously having to fight those ED voices that harangue me about thigh gaps and rib cages.

No thank you.

You can check that at the door.

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And lastly… let’s talk about sex.

Because one could get the idea that because I am a virgin and not partaking in this societal rite of passage that is idolizing Giselle and these other sparkly bra-wearing Angels, that I am in some way “anti-sex” or that I only approve of orthopedic shoes and shapeless wool turtlenecks. And although I do love an occasional cozy moo moo, that is far from true.

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I am not anti-sex. Nor anti-lingerie.

In fact, much like the “meaning” behind the fashion show, I too will one day want to celebrate the beauty of my sexuality and the delicate female form I have been blessed with. That is something that I am looking forward to embracing and celebrating.

But with my husband.

I am reserving that priceless gift for the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

And you better believe that I’ll want to wear something equally as exquisite for the occasion. (sorry dad!)

The Victoria’s Secret fashion show was better left off my television screen tonight.

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God has brought me too far in my recovery to willfully walk back into the lion’s den. Watching the glorification of all the things, aesthetically, that fed my eating disorder…it doesn’t matter how strong I am. I don’t need to be filling my head with those thoughts and images.

So tonight, I’m choosing me. I’m choosing to protect my mind. I’m choosing to guard my heart and defend my recovery.

I’m appreciating that my body is healthy, and cherishing the second chance I have been given by a gracious and loving Father. I’m recognizing that I’m not bulletproof — there are areas that can still strike a nerve. So I’m engaging in self respect. And self protection. And self love.

And I think that is the most beautiful celebration of empowerment there is.

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285 thoughts on “VS Fashion Show: A Woman’s Perspective”

  9. Very well said! I feel the same way, even though I don’t have an eating disorder. The point of the show seems to celebrate unnaturally thin women, and to claim that their sexuality is all they have to offer the world. It’s just wrong on so many levels.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Honestly, I can’t really speak to what a woman thinks when these kind of events occur and I both welcome and dread the day I may have to speak to my daughter, if I have one, about this. For men, they have to struggle with self-control, which with practice is easy to do. For women though, these kind of things hit closer to their hearts: their self-esteem. From the get go, women are told that they must be this, this, and this and look like that, that, and that if they wish to be desirable in society. I can certainly tell you that something most guys find extremely attractive is a very self-confident woman. And part of that self-confidence comes from being sure of how God views you- as His daughter, for you’re fearfully and wonderfully made.

    And you definitely have self-confidence in yourself because of your faith Caralyn!

    God bless!
    ~Tom

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi tom, thank you for sharing this. You’re right– we are all made beautifully by God. It can sometimes make me sad to think that that beauty is only on the outside. Because truly, it is the heart that makes a woman truly beautiful. And that should be celebrated. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 3 people

  12. Thank you. So well written, so deeply felt, and so much needed. Wonderful, every woman should read this.

    The recommendation is not because it is “anti-anything” but because she writes so positively about everything.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I am a fan of the VS angels, but I’ve never watched the fashion show.. I have no explanation for that, save that I’ve found fashion shows of any type to be very interesting, even if the show is a bunch of models strutting their stuff in their underwear. And your perspective simply lends more credence to not start watching now.
    The man you marry is going to be one lucky guy. Not only will he marry a beautiful woman, but also one that has battled demons, and won, and is wise beyond her years

    Liked by 3 people

  15. I know this sounds unbelievable coming from a healthy male, but I think those women look RIDICULOUS! Ten seconds of a commercial is enough to say, “No thanks”. It is truly sad that our culture has come to the place of being “entertained” by mostly naked women being paraded on a stage wearing wings and thongs. I mean seriously…with all the issues in our world, THIS is what we are celebrating? I think our sex-obsessed culture is getting so bored with itself, it has to find increasingly outrageous ways to stay “entertained”. There is only One who can truly satisfy the heart. His ways are true. Stick to your convictions…they are spot on.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Tom! Really? Wow that’s refreshing to hear! You’re right-it’s sad how “normal” it is. Amen to that. His ways are always true and lead to health and happiness. Hugs to you friend. Glad you stopped by. Xox

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      1. Yes…really! Physical beauty is fleeting…I am not saying I don’t think physical attraction is important in a relationship but our culture is addicted to pleasure (I am not against pleasure…except when it becomes our highest pursuit…idol worship)…always seeking, always experimenting, never satisfied. In my opinion (for what thats worth!) what is attractive is a woman of character who knows her true value comes from the One who created her, someone who is confident that she is loved by God and understands her inherent value. A woman of character who is loyal, faithful and kind. We all would be far better spending our time developing those qualities than focusing on bods. My place is not to judge these models but there is a scripture that states, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” Pr.11:22 (btw…this applies for all us male types too!)…sorry for the rant…hahaha…your post got me going! Good thoughts Carolyn…wisdom beyond your years!!

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      2. Oh if all men thought the way you do!! Seriously this is so encouraging, Tom! Such a beautiful verse. Haha no! I love that you’re so fired up about this! It’s awesome! Thanks again for sharing. Have a great night! Xox

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  17. I look at the female form in a totally different way now. I used to be a stereotypical guy but now I see their heart, their true beauty. This includes my ex. Sorry I have been a little quiet. I managed to start a blog Im going to stick with about photography I hope you like it x. Sending you lots of love and kisses and tons of butternut squash ice cream 😇😇😘😘💙💙

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I don’t watch the VS Fashion either. The show just praises thin women and their physically beauty, which is really sad because there will be many young girls and women who will watch this show and think that is what the ideal women should like -thin. It’s unhealthy. I think we should be empowering women instead of trying to tear the down because they do not meet the ideal beauty standards in a magazine or what is shown on a VS Runway. True beauty cannot be found in a magazine or is just about looks. You find it in you. Great post☺❤

    Liked by 2 people

  20. I’m with you a hundred percent. I’m not sure if it’s shown here but I wouldn’t or maybe couldn’t watch it, for the same reason I won’t have things like scales or laxatives in the house. It’s a daily struggle but I’m glad we are both surviving it! Xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Brie! Aw, thank you so much! I’m glad it struck a chord with you! And here’s something funny — my phone just autocorrected it to: “glad it struck a bird with you” 😂😂😂 oh my gosh. Somebody tell those birds to watch out! 😂🐧🐥🦉🦅seriously though, thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 2 people

  22. I don’t think I’ve ever watched the VS Fashion Show–though if I did, I suspect I’d agree with your assessment. Nothing wrong with being thin, of course, if that’s your natural body type, but many models don’t look fit to me either.

    Meanwhile, I didn’t even know the show was on tonight! Honestly, it’s just not on my radar.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Two hours after you post and only 67 likes and 54 comments? Where the heck is everyone? Watching Victoria’s Secret?

    As always, my thoughts are over at Patreon. And thanks for stopping by for a read tonight. I appreciate your patience with me earlier this week. Tonight I managed to say something, I think, that’s hopefully easier to digest.

    Always in your corner…

    Liked by 1 person

    2. Hey Jeff! For whatever reason patreon is not letting me reply on there–I just updated my phone so perhaps there’s a glitch. But I read your kind note when it came through on my email. Thank you. Your words truly touched my heart, but then…when they’re from you, when don’t they:) I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend and “second dad” like you, but I sure am grateful to our generous Father for allowing our paths to cross:) have a great night xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I went out for a simple dinner with Julie last night, and we relaxed at home after. I slept fairly well, so we had a great night! I feel fortunate that God connected us also. While I follow a number of blogs, I only read yours consistently. You write with purpose, you challenge, and you accept what people have to say with grace. Barring the absolute trolls, of course!! Ha! So you’ve been a blessing to me. God made me as a helper, a supporter. My two daughters are pretty well grown. Olivia is especially independent. I’m grateful to God for another “daughter” to lend my support to! I hope you have a good weekend, and I’ll “see” you Monday!

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      2. Oh that sounds so nice! I’m glad the two of you have a pleasant evening. haha, gotta love the trolls! I must admit, there have been several comments that have just been too heinous to allow on the site, but yeah. Yes! You are definitely a helper. That is one of your spiritual gifts, i do believe 🙂 sending big big hugs to you and julie! oxoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman. Are these culturally imposed beliefs? It seems, like an unfair practice in our American culture against women and presented as for women.

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      3. I see. I always tried to look at the, person. The pretty women um, usually were waiting to be chased by pretty men. I have experienced that myself but, as neither. haha

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      5. I would doubt that, you are beautiful. I’m sure there are many pretty men with broken hearts around the apple.

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      7. I had a dating profile, it started with “Beauty makes all men, liars. I’m not most men.” The culture of Beauty has its own strange contradictions like you said its promoted as healthy. Hm. I wish it wasn’t like that.

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  28. You’re awesome! I had no idea it came on tonight. (score another point for going cable free!) But I absolutely love this post. I’ve also been in some less than stellar places in life and have overcome. It can be SO empowering to come across past temptations and finally have the courage and strength and stability to confidently say no.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw thank you so much! Cable free! Good for you! But thank you for the kind encouragement. I really appreciate it. Yes. Let’s embrace that confidence! Hope you’re having a great evening! Hugs and love xox

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  31. Thank you so much for this post! I think you are incredibly brave for overcoming what you have gone through. Your voice is so powerful and important. I hope you continue to share your story and thoughts. You truly inspire and encourage me to be the woman God wants me to be!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. I don’t remember when it was that it struck me that I needed to say this to you, but it’s been on my mind for quite some time now. Every time I think of it I start crying. I even debated on just posting it in my blog but I felt it needed to be here instead. It just took me a while to find the courage to post it here in a comment. I apologize in advance for its length.

    As someone who is has also been very transparent with their choices in life regarding sex, I want you to know that I support and uphold you even though I made an extremely different choice. I am acutely aware that we stand on different sides of the same fence but I understand and hold with the highest regard the choice you have made.

    I have had to live with a lot of finger pointing, shunning, and name calling for the choice I made. So it frustrates me – okay maybe even a little angry – to see here you expressing how you feel set apart, alone, or maybe even brushed aside because of the choice you made. None of us should have to feel like we are caught between a rock and a hard place with this choice. It troubles me greatly that society makes it difficult for both of us to stand by the choices we have made.

    The impossible standard of the “virgin whore” that has been set for women in society and the media really pisses me off. It’s not real. You can’t be both. The world needs to stop asking that of us. Rage is a weak word to describe how I feel about this. I didn’t even realize that the Victoria Secret thing was a thing so I guess I will continue to not watch it. I like being sexy, but on my terms alone and it will not defined by someone else.

    I don’t regret the choice I made and nor should you. I’ll stand by it. I’ll defend it. I’ll fight for it. For me. For you. For every woman out there with my dying breath.

    And I pray that the man who marries you will do the same. Much love, light, and laughter to you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful note. I’m sorry that you can relate to that feeling of being set apart. I’m glad that you have found it deep in our soul to stand up for yourself and accept and love you. As someone who is also learning to do the same, I definitely know that it is not easy. Cheering for you, friend. Big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  35. Wait there are fashion shows? Maybe I need to get out of Princeton seminary’s library and go out to NYC to check the world out. Sometimes I need to read things like this from people who are engaged with the world and bound by books and deadlines haha . =P

    Liked by 1 person

  38. I truly enjoyed reading this! And couldn’t agree with you more. And hunny, I can relate. 😉 It took me many years but I see it as beautiful and set apart now. Having my daughter helped with that and a super supportive husband. You are preparing yourself in such beautiful ways. I look forward to your future posts, as always. I couldn’t agree more about not watching the show for you…not to get on any bandwagon. ♡

    Liked by 2 people

  39. I didn’t realize about the eating disorder aspect of this. I am sorry to hear that. I don’t watch because of the objectification.
    How long was your recovery from your eating disorder. I did not have one per say but I did not like my body and I was too much into working out and counting calories. I stopped dieting 2011.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this reflection. Yeah, it definitely adds a layer of complexity. Yeah, I had a severe case of anorexia for two full years. I had to go to an inpatient facility for three months, and aside from a relapse shortly after my discharge, I’ve been firm in my recovery for 8 years. Amen to a dieting free life! Thanks for sharing your story:) Hugs and love xox

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      3. You are welcome. If you are interested in the book thing I can tell you how I self-published. You can do it for free. Don’t worry I am not trying to sell you anything because I’m an artist not a salesperson. All you need is a book template and to start typing. Then you go through createspace and design your cover and then upload to amazon kindle.

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  40. Hey C! A great post for so many reasons and I am super proud of you for actually knowing what you should and shouldn’t expose yourself to! If only the rest of humanity understood that. And on sex; You have definitely got it right 🙂 As someone who has had 2 intimate relations in the past that didn’t work out, it’s definitely worth waiting for! You’ve got a good head on your shoulders 🙂 Love from SA

    Liked by 1 person

  42. You know what is best for you! I don’t watch it either, because while I can appreciate the aesthetics its effect on my self esteem is like being run over by a train. For all those women who do feel empowered and joyous by watching it… well, good for them! They should watch it then! But for all of us who knows it triggers a negative reaction in us, for whatever reason? Best stay off it, even though it’s *oh pretty sparkly and they got wings!* Not worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hugs and love to you as well!

        Oh, and as for the sex/virginity thing? It really is the same thing there, it’s about what is right for YOU. If you feel that virginity prior to marriage is your path to feeling good and being healthy – be it physically, emotionally or spiritually – then that is right for you, and the path you should take. Hm… You know what? I think I should write a blog post about my stance on the question of sex and virginity as well. Thank you for the inspiration!

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  43. Dear BBB – I always enjoy reading your posts – and I love scrolling down the comments below. Because two things always stand out: how you connect with others (wow), and how every comment is an individual loving conversation (wowee).

    Don’t need to know “how” – just love so much that your “are” – and even more that you accept this gift and just get on with it (woweeeeeeee!) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Paul! oh gosh, thank you so much for your kind words. haha yeah, I think I spend more time replying to comments than actually writing posts to be honest! hah but honestly, it is such a gift to read what people have to say. I learn SO MUCH from others about life and different perspectives and insights. it is seriously such a blessing to me 🙂 Anywho…thanks 🙂 I always smile when I see your name pop up in the dashboard! have a great afternoon! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  44. Hi, great post. You may have seen that I wrote a post at the day after saying that I dont like the VS fashion show. I did not go as deep as you but I agree some things need to get clear… I would invite you to read and let me know what you think. In the meantime, have a great weekend. XX Valentina

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Valentina! Oh, thank you so much! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in those feelings! Yes! I’d love to check it out 🙂 I will do so as soon as I get home from work this evening! thanks for stopping by!big big hugs xx

      Liked by 1 person

  49. It’s funny….when I read this…I am from Norway, and here, these kind of shows are laughed at and made fun of. It is, by many, considered to be uneducated and uncultured to watch these kind of shows. And most men I have interacted with find this kind of display unappealing and a big turn-off. I remember a little while back, a Norwegian female pop artist tried to make an American style commercial music video, where she was rolling around on a beach in a bikini, and everyone laughed at her ( I am not saying that was nice, but it is just a reflection of how ridiculous people find these kind of things). For me personally, parading around in your underwear is not a sign of a strong woman, and I think it is sad that so many women offer up their bodies to become popular and make money. I believe it is simple really, (but oh so hard), it is not so much about feminism, it is more about you being yourself, making your own choices, believing in your own values, standing up for and standing by yourself, no matter what, and keep following and fighting for the right to be yourself, whether you are a boy or a girl. My bother once told me, instead of criticizing and spending energy bashing up that which you don’t like and approve of, rather try creating an alternate path and be a leader of a new way, share your life and live your life as an example for an alternate route. And that is what I am always trying to do: to leave a different path behind me, just like you are trying to do here!
    Keep strong, sister, you are a role model to many 🙂 ❤ 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. How interesting! Leave it to Scandinavia to be the “real deal!” haha…I visited Sweden once, and it was the best trip of my life 🙂 but wow, what a powerful message your brother had — leave a different path behind you. Amen to that! And way to go for doing just that. I am cheering you on! 🙂 thanks again for your kind words 🙂

      Like

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