Living Radically

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

If you would have asked me at the beginning of December what I’d be doing mid January of 2017, I laugh now to think of my answer.

I would have carelessly rattled off something about the craziness of “pilot season” auditions, the monotony of life as a nanny, and the fickle stupidity of trying to find a respectable date in New York City.

And, *sigh*, I just shake my head at how none of that even matters. And just how, where I actually find myself now, mid January 2017, is in a whole ‘nother stratosphere.

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What am I doing? I’m helping my mom get her life back after her stroke. At home.

At home.

I’ll tell you what, there’s not much more humbling in life than sleeping in your childhood bed, as a mid/late twenty-something, single, and with an uncertain/unplanned future.

That, friends, is a slice of humble pie.

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And as I was having an (admittedly) selfish moment of self-pity, with text messages positively blowing up my phone, all from group chats making plans for Saturday night in NYC, that I had an “ah-ha” moment. A bit of a lightbulb situation.

I’ve been looking at my decision to come back home for this season as a bit of a…oh, I don’t know…a pause. A time out. A period of stagnation.

But actually, what I’ve done…is radical.

Radical: “Characterized by departure of tradition.”

Yup. I’d say that pretty much sums it up.

If I’m honest, that word scares me a little bit. I think, especially with the election season still in our rear view mirrors, we hear that word, and we think of “Far-Out Libs” or alt-right nut jobs.

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But I’ve come to have a bit of a new appreciation for the word, as I’ve been thinking more and more about my radical decision to give up (albeit temporarily) my life in NYC, my acting career, my job, being in daily physical contact with my friends, and hopes at finding a boyfriend….what I’m doing is actually a complete act of faith. 

And the more I swirl that around in my mind, the more I realize just how much, whether I realize it or not, I am totally and completely depending on Jesus right now.


Because here’s the thing…listing off all those things that I’m “giving up”…there’s not a single ounce of me that is getting anxiety or heart palpitations thinking about it. And, in all honestly, I probably should be starting to sweat under the collar when I really think about it.


But I’m not. I’m at complete peace.

And I can only attribute that to one thing…

Whether I realize it or not, I am completely trusting Jesus. I have completely surrendered my life to His plan. Because you know what? I don’t understand what the hell is going on in my life right now, but I’ve got to believe that He’s going to see me through…in abundance. And all those things on my “list” of things I’m “abandoning…” God is going to have me end up right where I’m supposed to be. And right now, that’s being with my best friend…my mom.


Growing up, my entire life has been one giant exercise of surrendering to Jesus. And honestly, I’m kind of chuckling thinking about it, because really, my life has been one big “practice drill” for the main event — right here, right now.

The anorexia, the ulcerative colitis…those derailments of my life — for a good 4 or 5 years, collectively, when all was said and done…I had to completely hand over my life, my body, my plans, my everything to Jesus, and He has never failed me. Not once. He always brought me through, to a place that was better than anything I could have planned for myself.

I can only see a tunnel vision of possibilities for my life, but God…He creates the picture. He is the artist of my life, weaving the tapestry. All I can see is the back of it…with all the threads in a giant mess, criss crossing and doubling back on themselves. It’s not until I turn the tapestry around to see that God has been, truly, creating a beautiful masterpiece the whole time. I just couldn’t see it from that perspective.


My decision to come home and be with my mom during this crucial time in her recovery, sure, it’s radical. But it’s also an act of faith. I do believe I am doing God’s will, being with the woman who gave me life when she needs it most. And in doing so, I am in complete surrender.

But I’m not afraid. Because Jesus, I trust in You. 

And if I’m really trusting in Jesus, then I’ve got to be forthright about something that has been moving in my spirit.

I’m getting such a strong nudge to do something that…well…it scares me to even give voice to publicly. Because in doing so, I am putting it out there. On the record. Documenting a goal that I am now accountable to.

But I think God has given me this quiet season in my life to finish up writing the book that I started when BeautyBeyondBones began, a little over a year ago. I have been called to complete it, but have never found the time, between my job and my friends and keeping up the rat race in NYC. And, now, I find myself with the time to do it.

Turning BBB into more than just a blog…that scares me. But just like everything else in life right now, I’ve got to just hand this over as well, and say, Jesus I Trust in You.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

341 thoughts on “Living Radically”

    2. Carolyn I really,really,really am glad to see how you are strong your trust in the Lord is and how no matter what happens you are giving your all to the Lord It might be hard sometimes to do that I sometimes find myself not trusting him or not believing he can do it but I remember that he made everything and even me so he can do it he can do anything so I always put my trust on God.also I have a request ask you both privately so heres my email documentedpress.blog@gmail.com

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Someone once told me that FAITH is “Forwarding All Issues To Heaven.” It’s so cool to see people do that!

    For what it’s worth, if you wrote a book I would totally buy and read it!

    Liked by 2 people

    2. Wow, now I get this urge to read all the comments once again on bbb’s blog… I have discovered an awesomely correct definition of FAITH … Oh life I dare you now to bring it on and I’ll just dial up FAITH

      Liked by 1 person

  9. BBB, so sorry to hear about your mother!

    Father, pour out the gift of your Holy Spirit upon C’s mother. May her body know the healing strength of your divine presence! In Jesus name. Amen.

    I really enjoyed this post! It goes very well with the message I’ve been working on for Sunday. The premise is we cannot begin to depend on God until we accept that everything does not depend on us.

    Blessings to you in the unexpected and and uncertain time. May God reveal his beauty to you in a new way.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Awesome post. I hope your mother mom is okay. My folks moved here to be close to me. It certainly changes things. Jesus I trust in you is correct. I will say a prayer that you finish your book. You’re an inspiration to many. God Bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Prayers are said for you and your mom and dad. Nearly four years ago, I moved my mom nearer to me. It was the right and God honoring thing to do.

    Blessings to you and on you!

    Jim

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ugh I love this !!! I’m 29 turning 30 this year and I’m living at my moms 😩😂 but I know everything will workout . Trusting God with my life is the best thing I can do or else I would drive myself crazy.

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  14. My first book was published last November. It was written in fits and starts as I care for disabled family members. It can be done.

    One of the best bits of insight shared with me by another writer was that the Apostle Paul was very fruitful – often while in jail. Much of the New Testament was written down by a guy in jail or at least under house arrest much of the time.

    So “confinement” of whatever sort can be productive. I pray that it is so for you. Bless you for taking care of your mother. What one gives up in Christ’s service is replaced in unexpected and greater measure.

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  15. God is good at getting our attention, isn’t He? Or just refocusing our attention on Him when He sees that we losing sight of Him, even when we don’t realize it ourselves. I just got done reading something by A.W. Tozer. Something he wrote said, “Whatever keeps me from my Bible, is my enemy however harmless.” The same can be said when we start losing focus of God. When the tough gets going, you let go and let God. I’m still praying for you, your mother, and your family. It’s been difficult for me lately to focus on God what with everything I’ve been doing in my life, and it took spraining my knee and ankle for me to actually, and quite literally, slow down and think. I read Psalms 1 today and it said that one who meditates on God’s Word is like a tree planted by the river–growing stronger and drawing its strength from that river. You are that tree, Caralyn, keep your chin up and just let God guide your life!

    ~Tom

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Tom! Oh my gosh, He is SO good at getting and refocusing our attention. Let go and let God. That is such such great advice. and incredible challenging to do at times! haha Thanks again for the prayers. oh gosh, I guess that was a divine injury! 😉 thanks for this beautiful note of encouragement. grateful for you 🙂 xox

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      1. It is challenging! Like all things that God wants to teach us, it takes practice in application! I hope you’re doing well, Caralyn! I know that a family member getting hurt can be devastating, but it sounds like you’re handling it well and that you’re being as strong as you can be! God has certainly brought you far! Hope to hear from ya occasionally!

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      3. Hey did you see my post about blogging tips? I gave you a shoutout because I ADMIRE your writing style and I think a lot of newbies could learn from it. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Cool! You totally deserve a shoutout, your blog is amazing. 🙂 Thank you for your kind words!

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  17. Good luck to you girl and I wish your mum the best of all possible recoveries. I was my mom’s caregiver until she had a stroke so many know how you are feeling. Thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I only recently stumbled across your blog and now follow you faithfully and just followed you on Instagram. I seriously wish you so well. I have been very, very sick for over a year and spent a year, all last year, recovering. This year things are looking up but I have a long way to go. Being sick has made me a very spiritual and soulful person and I identify with you in that way, girl. You rock and I wish you all the best and send cyber hugs your way. Keep on blogging way please and know there are many out there who so are uplifted from reading your writings. Have a good night.

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      2. gosh, thank you again. I’m so very sorry to hear that you’ve been sick. I’ve been there and know how challenging of a season that is. so know that my heart is with you, and how glad I am that you’re doing better!! that’s terrific to heart! gosh, i love those hugs and i’m sending them right back at’cha!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 This was seriously so encouraging for me to read. thank you, my friend xox

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  18. Hi Caralyn. I am welling up with pride and love for you, after reading your post. I will keep this response short, ( I think ). Three points came to mind as I read.
    First, that you are settled in, caring for your Mom, and knowing you are right in being there. I know your previous post stated you had gone down to help.
    And then, when you mentioned twice about following Jesus closely, knowing God has His plan for your life, and you are following Him, my spirit really filled up with joy, because that is such a blessing to hear.
    And the final thought for now, since I said three only tonight, is how thrilled I am that you are taking up writing your book. I realize also, that was discussed quite a while back, but sometimes a road bump happens in life, then our plans are altered a bit.

    Continuing to pray with expectations, for your Mom, as well as your Dad and you daily, believing for a Healing touch from Jesus, with His Peace and Calm, along with the empowering of the Holy Spirit.

    God’s Blessings,
    Luv,
    George

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh George, you are such a good friend, thank you so much. I love your three points! 🙂 Here are my three 🙂 — 1)Thank you for your continued prayers. It means the world. 2) Thank you for your encouragement about the book! You’re right, it got a little derailed but i’m trying to tackle it now. 3) It’s amazing how Jesus really gives us peace when we need it most. Thanks for stopping by my friend. much love xo

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  19. I love that tapestry illustration…

    First, continued prayers for your Mom. Second, prayers for you.

    Trusting Jesus is radical? He invented radical, right?! The cross, Last will be first, turn the other cheek, and on…

    I’m just glad you are at peace, trusting Jesus completely. Best place to be.

    Let us know when we can expect the book..You are an inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Prayers indeed for your mother and for you, too, for taking up this particular burden and moving forward, gracefully and with love. This is what family is all about and I wish there were more like you out there. I may be following in your footsteps soon, we are in a bit of a holding pattern but there never really is any question – family is one of the most precious gifts God ever bestowed on us. God bless! Rich

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      1. Thank you! We will see how things go, I have full faith and confidence that God’s will be done, even if I don’t necessarily always like that answer. I’m greatly looking forward to your book!

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  21. Truly Lovely, inspired, and heartfelt. Thank You very much for sharing. I am struck by what radical means today, you touched on it briefly, yet from a broader historical perspective, is what you are doing radical? imho not really, it is the way we lived not long ago. The way you described it, it fits perfectly, though with today’s culture and, I think especially from a NYC resident’s view

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, thanks Jeff! you’re right, caring for our parents wasn’t anything new back in the day. Even just 30/40 years ago. But you’re right, from a NYC perspective, it is definitely a bit of a different path. Thanks so much for stopping by and for your wonderfully kind encouragement. hugs to you xox

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  23. First off, thank-you for using that ‘That’s So Raven’ gif!! That show was everything!! Looking forward to the spin-off.

    Anyways…

    It’s so wild how I can relate to the seasons in your life. I too am in a place of wondering what my tapestry is looking like because I have been involved with an unpredictable life journey l. One thing is certainly true, God has not failed us yet. Every part of our lives is working out for our good. He is present through it all!

    This time for you to write that book sounds incredible. I can only imagine the impact it will have. This blog is just a taste.

    You keep being a wonderful support system for your mother and remain inspired. All the other things you seem to be missing out of may not even be intended for you anyways.

    Keep the faith! You’re spirit is contagious!

    -JV

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    1. thanks JV! haha, I was totally a Disney Channel girl growing up! I lived for their DC OriginalMovies 🙂 but seriously, thank you for your thoughtful response. i’m so glad it resonated with you. You’re right – He will work everything out for good. Gosh, you are a great encourager. Grateful for you. hope you’re having a great week! hugs xox

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      1. Yeas!! One of my goals in life is to have an exclusive collection of all those movies BUT those are tougher to collect then the movies in the “Disney Vault” *sigh* They did play ALL of them over the summer FYI. It was glorious…but I did not get much sleep that month…ha!

        Thank-You but YOU are the great encourager. Takes one to know one.

        Keep the flow!

        -JV

        Liked by 1 person

    1. aw, thanks Doc. 🙂 i so appreciate your encouragement! yes, you’re right, this is really a special time. i am grateful for every minute 🙂 she’s my best friend. thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

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  27. Glad to hear you’ll be completing a book! I think it will used to bring great encouragement, hope, and healing in Christ to many.
    You may already be aware of it, but a great option is self-publishing, using services like Amazon’s module, CreateSpace, and on Kindle. I published my first book, “Road Dirt: The Musings & Ramblings of a Biker Preacher”, using their very user-friendly interface.
    Check it out!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, it’s about my story and healing and the things I’ve learned through my battle/survival of anorexia and my healing from Ulcerative Colitis. God has delivered me through a lot of “crappy” stuff……(get the pun there?? 😉 haha #pottyhumor) but yeah…not a self help book, but just a this-is-my-journey book. i don’t know. by then end of it, it may be something completely different. i have a lot of ideas and now i finally have the time to do it! thanks for asking! hugs to you xox

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  32. Always love your posts! I’m going through a similar time of growth in strength and faith, especially in looking back at where I was a few months ago. It’s amazing to hear others who are so on fire for the Christly life, keep it up and He’ll keep blessing you endlessly!

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    1. aw, thank you so much kristen. That’s kind of you to say. i’m glad this resonated with you. You’re right, sometimes we find growth and a renewal in faith in the most unlikely of places/circumstances. Thanks for the encouragement! know that i’m rooting for you, too and sending prayers, hugs, and love! xox

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  33. You are doing a wonderful thing and you won’t ever regret it. I spent a summer with my Grandfather when he couldn’t live alone any longer, giving up a summer job at Yellowstone to do it. *I* got to enable my Grandfather to enjoy the final weeks in his own home, just the two of us, going out to eat together, going for long rides in the country, listening to music, watching baseball – I wouldn’t trade it for anything. May God bless you and keep you. Grace and peace to you…

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    1. Thank you so much DW! wow, what a kind note of encouragement. i really appreciate it. and thanks for sharing your experience. wow, what a gift you gave to your grandfather. it sounds like you really gave him a beautiful final chapter in life. i’m sorry for your loss. and thank you for your prayers. it means the world. hugs and much love xox

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  34. Another great blog – thank you! I especially liked ‘I don’t understand what the hell is going on in my life right now, but I’ve got to believe that He’s going to see me through’ as this Im sure is do true for many of us reading it – I know it certainly is for me! By the way I’m delighted to hear you are writing your book again. You are indeed a gifted writer. As the owner of a publishing company do let me know if I can help in anyway.

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    1. Oh gosh, thank you so much. I’m glad it resonated with you! Yeah I think we all have seasons like that in life. But it’s good to know we’ve got Someone who can see the big picture at the controls. And wow thank you so much! I’ll be sure to send you a transcript! Thank you for your offer to help. Advice welcome! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  37. Good on you, BBB! You are honouring your mother. We cared for my own mom during her struggle with Alzheimers – it really takes you out of yourself. Hang in there, you’re doing a great work and it will grow you in Christ. Love your blogs 🙂

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    1. Oh thank you so much:) I really appreciate your kind words. My mom is my rock and so I am beyond happy to be here for her. Oh gosh I’m so sorry that your mom battled Alzheimer’s. You’re right, it really does. Thank you for your encouragement and support. Hugs and love xox

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  38. This is probably one of my favorite blog posts of yours. So inspiring !! I myself believe that God leads you to places to think,to breath and to move on. God will never let go of you, He just has a better plan for you, one you can’t even imagine!!

    Thank you for this post.
    BTW can’t wait for the book 😉
    Xoxo

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  39. You have been blessed – not only with precious time with your mom but with this chance to write your book. Go for it!!!
    Luv this post, btw… I’m going through my own leap-of-faith/uncertain time myself and I’m doing the same thing – praying and relying on God. Sometimes what we think is a time of challenge is really a gift/blessing…
    Best of luck to you…

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    1. Oh thank you so much!! I really appreciate your encouraging words. you’re right, this time is really precious. I am cherishing every minute. I’ll definitely keep you in my prayers during this transition for you. You’re right, even in those times, God showers us in blessings that we may not see until down the road. Thanks for stopping yb! hugs xo

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  40. So much victory in your life.

    You probably already know this, but if you’re thinking about writing a book, publishers expect you to be able to self-market (ESPECIALLY if you’re a new author), and…well, this blog would make one heck of a platform. The biggest barrier that most new authors face, you’ve already knocked out. (Or God has.) So give it some prayer!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thanks Brandon. Gosh that’s such kind encouragement. I really appreciate it. I am pretty “green” when it comes to knowledge about the publishing world, so any and all advice is greatly appreciated! hope you’re having a great week! big hugs to you xox

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      1. Yeah, when I started doing research on getting published, I learned that publishers have very limited resources, and that most of what they have is shuttled towards their tentpole authors. They have no intention of doing marketing for you. So in order to impress them, you usually need some kind of “platform” from which you can self-market. And I’m telling you, a blog with the sheer number of followers you have…most aspiring authors would give their left arms for that, not to mention the easy relevance your subject material has. So take advantage of it!

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  41. May God watch over you and your mother at this time. Sometimes when we try hard to do something we may be working against the Divine plan. I did that for years until I surrendered. Once I let go and trusted the Divine, life fell into place. Good for you.

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    1. Thanks so much, Kelli, for your prayers and support. it seriously means the world. amen to that — surrendering, though scary, gives God the chance to fully let His plan for our lives be realized. It’s kinda exciting, albeit terrifying! haha So glad you can relate! hugs xox

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  43. Isn’t it amazing the scenery that is around as God drives the bus. A lot easier to enjoy because His eyes are on the road. And the best part – he already is where you are going to end up. He is a good God. Blessings. John

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  44. Again, inspiring. Your words and way of writing, understanding yourself and the situation continues to amaze and encourage. I’ll gladly buy your BBB book, just make sure it can ship to SA XD Seriously though, very happy you have found peace in Christ especially with all the craziness going on around you. May you continue to live well and radically, for a radical Gospel 😉 Love from SA

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  45. Ha princess, some synchronicities I wonder; my latest post before I read yours is “Deciding by Faith and not by Fear”… God is Awesome and has our whole body several rounds of life over… I told a friend he grabs our complete attention best when we are broke so that no distraction even for a shopping spree crosses our thoughts… and writing a book needs all the calm, focus and spirit… Get ready for what’s coming I bet ya… am getting prepared by the day for mine 🙂

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      1. Princess I meant broke as in without a dime lol, but broken too may apply especially when the spirit resolve is weak and feeling so earthly lonely ( I know you get me somehow on this) cheers to mum Ok?

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  46. There’s not much for me to add there. 😀 But watch me – I like to talk. Hahaha!

    It’s scary, yeah, but that surprising peace? Awesome, right? I rarely experience it; it’s so sporadic… not often enough because, I guess, it really only comes from trusting God wholly, fully and without any reservation whatsoever. Even when we fool ourselves into believing that we are at peace when we tackle “stuff” within our control, we really don’t have complete control of anything. Not even our own emotions! This peace really only comes comes from faith and it’s not even about knowing what God is doing or gonna do for us but in accepting that whatever He does or gives us, we will be okay and it will be the best for us at that particular moment because His is an act of love. And, we must respond accordingly. That’s tough – surrendering to that! It’s tougher for control freaks. Me. I know. Lol!

    I’m really happy for you! And what a bonus that you now have the time to complete your book!!! Get on with it already! 🙂

    Thinking of you and your mom. Much love and hugs xxx

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    1. Haha oh thank you so much Anne. You’re right – surprising peace indeed! And it’s true – it really is tough surrendering, but we just have to remember that He is worthy of surrendering to:) thanks for your encouraging word my beautiful friend! Have a wonderful weekend! Hugs and love xox

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      1. I think I talk to me as well when I comment on your posts. Haha! I learn a lot from you for sure. The young ones can, indeed, share some wisdom with the older ones. 😀 So, thank you, too. 🙂
        You have a wonderfully blessed one, too.
        Much love and hugs gorgeous friend. xxx

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  48. I love this blog post. What a gift to be able to spend this time with your mom as she recovers, and to recognize it for the blessing it is. Your resilience and faith will pull you through. Can’t wait to read your book. ❤

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  50. Thanks for writing about our tunnel vision. We see a maze while God sees the big picture, and the big picture is beautiful. I’m going to write about this today in my blog. You are such an inspiration. God bless you!

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