Living Radically

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

If you would have asked me at the beginning of December what I’d be doing mid January of 2017, I laugh now to think of my answer.

I would have carelessly rattled off something about the craziness of “pilot season” auditions, the monotony of life as a nanny, and the fickle stupidity of trying to find a respectable date in New York City.

And, *sigh*, I just shake my head at how none of that even matters. And just how, where I actually find myself now, mid January 2017, is in a whole ‘nother stratosphere.

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What am I doing? I’m helping my mom get her life back after her stroke. At home.

At home.

I’ll tell you what, there’s not much more humbling in life than sleeping in your childhood bed, as a mid/late twenty-something, single, and with an uncertain/unplanned future.

That, friends, is a slice of humble pie.

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And as I was having an (admittedly) selfish moment of self-pity, with text messages positively blowing up my phone, all from group chats making plans for Saturday night in NYC, that I had an “ah-ha” moment. A bit of a lightbulb situation.

I’ve been looking at my decision to come back home for this season as a bit of a…oh, I don’t know…a pause. A time out. A period of stagnation.

But actually, what I’ve done…is radical.

Radical: “Characterized by departure of tradition.”

Yup. I’d say that pretty much sums it up.

If I’m honest, that word scares me a little bit. I think, especially with the election season still in our rear view mirrors, we hear that word, and we think of “Far-Out Libs” or alt-right nut jobs.

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But I’ve come to have a bit of a new appreciation for the word, as I’ve been thinking more and more about my radical decision to give up (albeit temporarily) my life in NYC, my acting career, my job, being in daily physical contact with my friends, and hopes at finding a boyfriend….what I’m doing is actually a complete act of faith. 

And the more I swirl that around in my mind, the more I realize just how much, whether I realize it or not, I am totally and completely depending on Jesus right now.


Because here’s the thing…listing off all those things that I’m “giving up”…there’s not a single ounce of me that is getting anxiety or heart palpitations thinking about it. And, in all honestly, I probably should be starting to sweat under the collar when I really think about it.


But I’m not. I’m at complete peace.

And I can only attribute that to one thing…

Whether I realize it or not, I am completely trusting Jesus. I have completely surrendered my life to His plan. Because you know what? I don’t understand what the hell is going on in my life right now, but I’ve got to believe that He’s going to see me through…in abundance. And all those things on my “list” of things I’m “abandoning…” God is going to have me end up right where I’m supposed to be. And right now, that’s being with my best friend…my mom.


Growing up, my entire life has been one giant exercise of surrendering to Jesus. And honestly, I’m kind of chuckling thinking about it, because really, my life has been one big “practice drill” for the main event — right here, right now.

The anorexia, the ulcerative colitis…those derailments of my life — for a good 4 or 5 years, collectively, when all was said and done…I had to completely hand over my life, my body, my plans, my everything to Jesus, and He has never failed me. Not once. He always brought me through, to a place that was better than anything I could have planned for myself.

I can only see a tunnel vision of possibilities for my life, but God…He creates the picture. He is the artist of my life, weaving the tapestry. All I can see is the back of it…with all the threads in a giant mess, criss crossing and doubling back on themselves. It’s not until I turn the tapestry around to see that God has been, truly, creating a beautiful masterpiece the whole time. I just couldn’t see it from that perspective.


My decision to come home and be with my mom during this crucial time in her recovery, sure, it’s radical. But it’s also an act of faith. I do believe I am doing God’s will, being with the woman who gave me life when she needs it most. And in doing so, I am in complete surrender.

But I’m not afraid. Because Jesus, I trust in You. 

And if I’m really trusting in Jesus, then I’ve got to be forthright about something that has been moving in my spirit.

I’m getting such a strong nudge to do something that…well…it scares me to even give voice to publicly. Because in doing so, I am putting it out there. On the record. Documenting a goal that I am now accountable to.

But I think God has given me this quiet season in my life to finish up writing the book that I started when BeautyBeyondBones began, a little over a year ago. I have been called to complete it, but have never found the time, between my job and my friends and keeping up the rat race in NYC. And, now, I find myself with the time to do it.

Turning BBB into more than just a blog…that scares me. But just like everything else in life right now, I’ve got to just hand this over as well, and say, Jesus I Trust in You.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

341 thoughts on “Living Radically”

  1. I love this and your strength. At times, nothing in our lives make sense but it is always comforting to know that He is there and His divine plan is more than we can ask or imagine. Continue hanging in there. In ALL things give thanks! 🙂

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  2. “The place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you.” ~Hafiz

    I believe you nailed it when you thought about all you were giving up, and you still felt peace. That is how God works lovely. ❤

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  3. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and hope that her health improves quickly. I am sure that she appreciates your decision to be with her–I bet the time together will be a blessing to you both. Sometimes those unexpected trials teach us the most. And trusting the Lord in uncertainty is often no fun, but is a mark of spiritual maturity. Thanks for sharing with us. XOXO

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  4. Awesome testimony of faith and trust! Wow! And you’re only 20-something?
    What you’ve discovered during this trying time with your mom is what’s most precious in life…more important than careers and all the accolades the world can give. It’s our relationships…it’s other-centered love mutually shared through the thick and thin of life. And that’s a gift from God. This will serve you well in all your future relationships, because, at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.

    And I’m so glad you’re writing! This is the best season to write…when you’re away from your normal busyness. Still praying for your mom’s full recovery. 🙂

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  6. Very brave and selfless of you to be doing this, and I know Jesus has you in the palm of His hand. It’s hard to remember that sometimes, though. Especially when we’re looking at our own situations. I’ve been struggling with anorexia for more than 15 years now, nearly a full half of my life. And things in my world have been changing radically over the past year. I’ve been living about an hour away from my family in another city for about five years, and this year seems to be shifting me in the direction of moving back to be closer, mere streets away from my parents and my sister and her own young family. She’s losing her husband to terminal cancer. It’s happened hard, and it’s happened fast. And as he gets nearer and nearer to leaving us, the more I feel like I need to be closer to her. She’s my best friend, and she’ll need someone to talk to. At the same time, I’m terrified. Living a full hour away from everyone has kept me somewhat “safe.” I’m afraid of what being closer will mean. I can’t hide out. I can’t avoid having my family come visit my apartment, where they might open my fridge and see just what IS or ISN’T in there. I’m afraid, but I hate living this half-life of fear and hiding. And I miss them. I miss my family. I miss my best friends, because that’s really what they are. So I understand your feeling that you are where you should be where you are right now, back close to your parents, even though it wasn’t what you’d planned. I’ll be praying for you, and your mom’s recovery. I hope you’ll keep me in yours.

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    1. Hey Liesel, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. You’re right- I do believe that Jesus has me and my entire family in the palm of His hand and that’s truly the best place to be. And thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry that that is our common thread, but I fully believe in you and your ability to reclaim your life. Because you’re right- it is a half-life. I have been there. I absolutely will keep you in my prayers. And I am so sorry to hear about your brother in law. I’ll pray for him too. It’s so wonderful that you’re going to be there for your sister. You have a lot of love to give and I think it’s so awesome of you to give of yourself in her time of need. Sending so much love xox

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  8. So beautifully written, so poetic are the words! But more importantly is the beauty contained within your spirit. I sincerely hope your Mom recovers her health. I think you are brave, compassionate, and very wise. Thank you for these lovely words and even more for your positive message.

    I especially adore these lines: “I can only see a tunnel vision of possibilities for my life, but God…He creates the picture. He is the artist of my life, weaving the tapestry. All I can see is the back of it…with all the threads in a giant mess, criss crossing and doubling back on themselves.”

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  9. Keep up the faith. Our Savior and Friend never lets us down. Never! True peace comes when we utterly rely on Him and trust His choices for our lives. Keep on keeping on in faith! 🙂 And keep smiling, it truly helps.

    On Thu, Jan 19, 2017 at 5:00 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “If you would have asked me at the beginning of > December what I’d be doing mid January of 2017, I laugh now to think of my > answer. I would have carelessly rattled off something about the craziness > of “pilot season” auditions, the monotony of life as a nan” >

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Radical, yes. But an act full of love. I”m not sure I’d have classified it as faith as much as I would have love, but both work. It certainly is radical, adventurous, unsettling. You will find it, no doubt, an interesting time of untold growth.
    So what else ya gonna do to radicalize your time in the Buckeye state? 😉

    thoughts and prayers with you sister
    xoxoxo
    jeff

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I think this God placing you right where you need to be ! You had been struggling with the urge to leave NYC and head home for awhile and a situation arose which led you back home! Gods plan is perfect and I’m praying you’ll take this season to embrace what he has coming your way! Rooting for ya! Can’t wait to see the next phase of your journey!
    Blessings!

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  15. I suspect that you are feeling peace because you are fulfilling one of God’s commandment: “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12. In caring for your mother you are fulfilling this commandment. When we fulfill God’s commands, when we are the compassion of Jesus in this world; then, God draws near to us and gives us His peace and His joy. Serving Christ in this way is its own reward. Your radical decision is only radical in that you have chosen to follow God’s will. You have taken the lesson of Jesus to heart: Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.” (Mark 9:35). You are placing the needs of your mother before your “needs” (really, before your “wants”) and being her servant. You are being Christ for her. Is it any wonder that you feel the hand of God in what you are doing, in where you are at?

    Write your book. Care for your mother. You are doing God’s will and by surrendering to Him you will achieve an amazing victory. By losing the battle of selfishness and realizing that to be first you must strive to be last and servant of all, by doing this you will be blessed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Oogata. You’re right, I didn’t even put those two and two together, but I guess this does classify as honoring my father and mother. That’s such a powerful verse. definitely something to think about. thanks for this awesome and uplifting note of encouragement. i am filled with so much hope. big hugs to you xox

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      1. Also, good luck on finishing your book. I might actually do the same thing you’re doing, come to think of it!

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  17. The word radical comes from the Latin word radix (plural = radices) for root. You have returned to your roots, your source, which is a beautiful thing. You can’t see where you are going if you forget where you have been. You will find in caring for your mom that she will unintentionally give more for you than you will to for her.

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    1. How interesting! I didn’t know that about the word. I think you’re right. I’m already seeing that come true. I am learning so so much. I’m cherishing this precious time. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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      1. Ditto! God bless you! You’re blog has inspired me to share from my own painful healing journey. Thanks for being brave enough to put yourself out there and share from your gut wrenching experiences. You’ve helped me to gain courage to do the same. Again, God bless you! Sending you hugs and kisses to! Enjoy the journey with your Mom. I know sometimes with my journey it was really amazing to give back to my mom when she was down–she’s given so much to me to get me on my feet. She’s been a life-saver, sounds like your mom has been too. Thank heaven for those mother warriors! 🙂

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  26. I’m reminded of a couple of statements from Erwin McManus, in ‘Chasing Daylight’:
    “God clarifies in the midst of obedience, not beforehand.”
    “You can enter into divine moments only when you are willing to serve.”
    Sounds like you are exactly where God wants you to be!

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    1. Hey Sojourner, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. What beautiful quotes. I think you’re right – I definitely feel at peace, which i think is a pretty good indicator that God has me where He wants me 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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  28. God has an amazing way of removing everything comfortable and familiar from our lives so we can live in complete dependence on Him. I look forward to reading more about your journey!

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    1. thank you so much for your thoughtful response. you’re right, it’s in our dependence on Him that’s when He can really show us how much He truly loves us and will take care of us. Thanks for your encouragement. have a great night! hugs xox

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  29. Hi Carolyn…I am sure your mom is so relieved to have her daughter by her side during this season. As a parent, we spend our lives wanting our kids to be blessed and never to be a burden to them. Your mom probably doesn’t like the fact that she is dependent on you but I bet she is so happy she has her baby girl with her. You are being “Jesus with skin on” for your mom. I am excited for you to see how God is going to show you more of His heart and plan for you in this season. Thanks for being an example of what love looks like. Prayers for your mom and you to see the hand and heart of the Father in new ways! (A book! Maybe some speaking too… ;O)
    Tom

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    1. Hey Tom! Oh, thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. Yeah, to be 100% honest, it is truly a blessing for both of us. Sure, it’s nice that I’m with her, but I am honestly receiving so much good from it all — God is rich in mercy for sure. I am definitely looking forward to see how God is going to shape this season of my life as well. I’m leaving it all up to Him! thanks again for your continued prayers and kindness. you are a blessing to me 🙂 hugs xox

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  30. Thank you Beauty. My high school son, suffering the effects of a well-meaning but pushy youth pastor, once said to me: “Dad, I want to be “out there” for Jesus. I told him that the goal of the Christian life is not to be “out there” for Jesus but in close, as close as we can possibly get. Alas, the work of being radical for Jesus: It is always an inside job. Your story reflects this beautifully. Blessings.

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    1. oh thank you so much for this thoughtful response. what a powerful perspective — being as close as we can possibly get. isn’t that the truth! it’s in the closeness that people can really feel the intimate love of Christ. hugs xo

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  34. Your poor mom, how is she recovering? I think it’s marvellous that you can be by her side, and that God had you in a situation where you could just pick up and leave in order to be there for your mom. I bet your book will be terrific, go for it!

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  35. WOW!!! Kudos to you Caralyn. That’s how God works, He’ll turn your life upside down and then build it up again better than before. I’m thinking of James 2:14-26 What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? When you surrender and the hand of God is upon you, all will be right. I believe it. I know you do too, God bless you and your family ❤

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    1. aw, thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. I believe that too…God is not going to abandon me in this. His mercy and grace is already pouring down over me. I feel so blessed. God is good. hope you’re having a nice weekend hugs xox

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  36. If the Holy Spirit inspires you to write a book, I believe it will benefit many and God will minister to people through your words. You have a wonderful gift. It has touched me.
    God bless you and your mom and your dad.

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  37. WOW! I can sympathize with you about your mom, both my parents at nearly 8 year apart, both got cancer. My dad was a bit worse than my mom’s but I have put my personal life on hold so that I could take care of things here, at home. I’m not an actor or anything like that, but a cook, I make a mean Steak and/or Chicken Fajita! I am now gearing back up to restart my life over and rediscover who I am, and this post is just amazing! Sometimes we need a little break for real life and enjoy a little time off. I admire you for what you have done and will be doing, you are one of the strongest people I know. Keep up and keep us posted 🙂 Live, Laugh and Love xoxo

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    1. Hi Matthew, thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry to hear about your parents. I will definitely keep them and your whole family in my prayers. And gosh that meal sounds pretty delish! Thanks for your kind words. Hugs and love xox

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  38. You didn’t think you’re going night what they’re getting my response did you? Good cuz I hope you’re having a great day. It has come to my attention that you are a good person. I’ve also been in the situation that you’re in right now I can relate to Everything You Touch on tonight. I can’t say too much more cuz I don’t want it to be the size of a medical book with big words that no one can understand. all I can say is that I’m happy for you and I’m really proud of what you’re doing right now because I was in that spot to with another family member of mine. I’ll be praying for you and your mother you can take that to the Bank. The blood Bank of Jesus. Keep fighting keep smiling keep believing keep trusting keep praying and most of all keep looking up when things are good and they seem to rise like blueberry muffins out of the oven or when things are bad like rainfall during a thunderstorm.

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    1. Thanks so much for this kind encouragement. You’re so thoughtful and generous in your kind words for me! I really appreciate it. I’ll be praying for your family as well. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Big hugs xox

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      11. Oh no worries anyway I have standing order up there with the man upstairs I’ll pray on my own your mother to be fully recovered and for you to have the strength and wisdom endure hardness remember my friend there’s nothing greater in the world than love and the fact that you are taking care of your mother just like I was a few years ago tells me are you putting a smile on God’s face daily keep doing what you doing

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      13. Well quite frankly care then to answer your question as to why I’m so nice is because Meryl Streep said it best even though I’m not a big fan of her comments about mr. President I do agree with her comments about like all of the nicest people I am Canadian of course wishing one day to be an American

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  41. You are an Amazing girl, and I have faith in You!
    As you say, when we let go of controlling everything, and let it over to a higher power, everything turns out better than what we could have planned it to be. And as you said, we don’t see the bigger picture, the Creator does.
    My very best wishes for both you, and your mother.
    May her recovery be quick and joyful, filled with blessings.
    Good luck with your book, I know it will become Great!
    Love, Elen

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    1. Hey Elen! Thanks for all your sweet comments this morning. Thank you so much for the encouragement. You’re right. The Creator does know the full plan, and i trust it is good! Hope you have a beautiful week. Hugs and love xox

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  42. Kudos to you for leaving behind the perceived shame to live at home and take care of your mom. It is not an easy job at any level or at any time of life, but I would think more acutely so at your age where independence is seen as “successfully ” growing up.

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  43. What an incredibly encouraging post! I’m thankful for your willingness to pursue Jesus, even when it’s hard. “Giving up” those other things will pale in comparison to what the LORD has in store for you.

    Jesus is Better. He has a bigger destiny for each of us than we can even begin to imagine!

    Romans 11:33-36 became my life motto shortly after my life changing experience. I hope you can find comfort in those words too!

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    1. Oh thank you so much Matt. I am so glad you enjoyed the post! You’re right, Jesus IS better. Amen to that. I will definitely look that verse up. thanks for sharing it, and I’m so glad you’ve found comfort in that passage! hugs to you xox

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  44. I love that our lives and experiences are worlds apart but our love, pain, challenges and lessons are rooted in the faith and goodness of the same God. He is always with us. Praying for your moms recovery and that this season of your life continues to be spirit led.

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  45. Hello dear. Look at where the Lord has brought you. You’ve helped me to continue with my autistic grandson, who is the joy of my life. I gain strength from reading your blogs and your resolve to continue in Jesus. Yes, it’s more than just a blog. It’s an inspiration. I pray for you whenever I think of you. My daughter is getting better. Praise God.

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    1. Oh thank you so much for such a kind note. I’m so glad that my posts hit home with you. Truly, I am so incredibly touched. Thank you for the prayers. Know that you and your family are in mine as well. I’m glad to hear that your daughter is getting better! praise God. hugs and lots of love xox

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  47. God bless you on this journey, BeautyBeyondBones. I, too, have been through similar experiences and I can tell you with clarity and confidence, I know I was in the Hand of God and He had me right where I needed to be–and still does today. Follow your heart as He leads you on your path. 🙂

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  48. A very sacred moment in every person’s life… when they become aware that the direction of their love has separated from their dreams of success. “Your” love of your mother and family has brought you to where your are, not your love of Jesus… that is God’s plan, and nothing more. Trust and follow your love. Everything else just falls into place. (I only trust people who choose to follow their love. Everyone else is just delaying an inevitable crash.) All my best prayers to you and your family.

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    1. Thanks for this, Craig. You’re right…it is a different feeling. But I honestly feel so at peace, so I feel like I’m in the center of His will for my life. at least right now. thanks for this beautiful encouragement and prayers. big hugs xox

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  50. Life seems to always be one step ahead. The good news is that God is right there with it! Living radically so often is embracing the precious mundane things we have been given in our life by God, Family, friends, and the simple obedience in faith always marks the most radical believers. Keep walking in faith, God is in the midst of it. Praying for recovery.

    Finish the book! I recently finished one and it has been such a blessing to give a tangible piece of God’s amazing faithfulness in my life to others.

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