Patience as a Way of Life

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

It’s pretty clear to me, that during this time at home here, helping my mom recover from her stroke, God is wasting no time at all, teaching me things.

And not just any “things…” but real, important, messy things.

Things that should come with an owners manual or an instruction guide.

In other words, things you could find at Ikea.

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#SorryOneOfThoseDays

New York City, if there’s anything that characterizes the Big Apple, it’s the instantaneousness of life in the rat race. You want a sandwich delivered at 2am? It’ll be there in 20 minutes. Need a ride? You’ve got an Uber driver 1 minute away. Everything is efficient. And everything happened 2 minutes ago.

And it’s a good thing, but also a bad thing. Or rather, a bad thing to get used to. And one of the big lessons I’m learning here, is a practice in patience…

I got angry at my mom today.

I lost my patience. Huffed off. Said some things that I wish I could take back.

Adjusting to this new “normal” has obviously had its challenges. Memory loss and word recall issues are tricky to navigate, especially for loved ones.

Aside from the obvious, it presents a weariness of spirit that, admittedly, I allowed to get the best of me.


And sitting across from my beautiful mother tonight at the dinner table, wracked with guilt from getting upset with her, God stepped in, and removed a scale from my eye. And moved in my heart a compassion that broke me down in shoulder-shuddering sobs.

My mom didn’t ask for this. She didn’t ask to have a stroke during the prime of her life, with two grandchildren, big plans for her own ministry, and a bucket list of travel destinations, two CVS-receipts long.

And now, she’s unable to fully express the thoughts she’s having in her mind, and can’t remember things on command. Things we so take for granted. Things that I can’t imagine not being able to do.

It’s hard enough to watch a loved one have to suffer through that. But to actually be going through it yourself?

I was sitting there at dinner, looking at my lifeblood, my best friend, my soul sister – and I just thought to myself, Gosh, what a brave woman. If I were enduring that, I would be so scared. So angry. Confused. Frustrated. Discouraged. Annoyed. Anxious. Unsure. Restless. Abandoned by God.

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The trial she’s living with — that she didn’t ask for — she literally woke up to.

She woke up and everything was different. Scary different.

And not for a second has she shown an ounce of fear.

She is so courageous. So strong. So valiant.

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That is the reality she is living with. How dare I not be patient with this incredible woman who is literally fighting to regain her life?

How could I have lost my temper with her today?

My mother hugged me at dinner tonight in the warm embrace I have always known. She held me as I sobbed into her shoulder, accepting my apology and thanking me for acknowledging the hellish nightmare that is her reality. That she cannot just *fix* in a snap.

Tonight, thinking back…I’m being struck by one thing:

“Love is patient.” 

Why is it, that in THE MOST recited wedding verse, and the most famous passage on love, that patience — patience! of all things! — is first!?

I mean, *bam.* Right there. You hear that slapping sound? Yeah, that’s just God smacking me across the face.

Love is patient.

Practicing patience has so been on my heart tonight. And it got me thinking…why let the buck stop with my mom? Shouldn’t I be treating everyone with that same patience?

Because the fact is, everybody is dealing with some sort of unseen burden. Every. single. person. has something weighing on them. Maybe it’s not the devastating aftermath of a stroke, but there are countless other sources of suffering that we should be moved to show compassion and understanding for.

That’s been made so clear to me tonight.

To be patient is to love. They are one and the same.

And if we continue on in that hackneyed passage we find the last little love letter from God….

Love never fails. 

And there in lies the hope 🙂

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

360 thoughts on “Patience as a Way of Life”

  2. I loved reading this! What a fantastic message, and a most wonderful tribute to your mom’s strength. She sounds like an incredible lady, and I send all of my thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing with such compelling honesty, as always. Xxx❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Clarie. I really appreciate your kind words and prayers. Oh gosh, my mother is my hero. She is such a special woman and she shares God’s love just in how she treats every single person she encounters. I hope to be even 1/4 of the woman she is. hugs to you xox

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    1. Thanks for your prayers, Parus. It seriously means so much. You’re right, we can never return that. I hope to provide even 1/4 of the overwhelming love she has shown every day of my life 🙂 big hugs xox

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    1. Thank you so much Mary. You’re right, it is definitely exhausting. But I find that I don’t even think about it anymore…just gotta do what needs to be done. But you’re so right, I need to be taking care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. That is really important so that I *can* do this. I’m actually going to be getting away to NYC for two acting gigs at the end of the week, but I’ll be home by Saturday. Just two days. Thanks so much for your powerful insight. I am always so grateful for your thoughts! hope your week is off to a nice start. hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. You’re right, it is definitely tiring. Funny though that I don’t even think about my needs/body anymore. You just do what you gotta do. but you’re right, I need to be sure to take care of myself, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and socially 🙂 thans for the encouragement! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Last year I could relate to you, then November hit and with it an illness that threatens to take away my plans for a happy retirement. My right hand is swollen, has been since right around Thanksgiving, nothing I or the doctors have tried has been able to reduce that swelling. Now pain has settled in, I’m told it’s the nerves reacting to nearly two months of constant pressure.

    My plans for retirement, only 3 years away, was to restart my woodworking shop and to enjoy hiking the woods around me any time I wanted. Saturday I tried using a drill to bore a simple hole in soft wood, couldn’t do it. The hand just doesn’t have the strength to push against the wood without pain.

    Yes, I can understand where your mother is coming from, thoughts and dreams of enjoying those years now filled with big question marks. You need to try to see things from her perspective, with thoughts that at some time you too will age and things may not work out quite as you expect. I know you will be able to do it, just takes, as you said, patience. I never had the opportunity with my parents, my father died at 42, my mother at 55. I wish I would have, would give anything to have had that time with them.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry that that happened to you! It sounds incredibly painful. You’re right, seeing things from her perspective will definitely open my eyes. I’m sorry that your parents are no longer with us here on this earth. I know it’s cheesy, but I find such comfort knowing that we will all be reunited one day, and we can say all the things left unsaid. Sending you big big hugs and prayers for healing for your hand! hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I totally relate to this, my dad has been in a wheelchair with his MS for as long as I can remember, i believe this the reason that everyone comments on how patient I am, I grew up having to watch and wait for him to take twice as long doing things, simple things, because he was so independent he wouldn’t let people help if he knew he could eventually do it for himself! My mother is his main carer and through the years I’ve seen her become less patient, it’s trying, being the carer and you just want things to be back to ‘normal’ try not to feel guilty for expressing emotions, your Mom will know you don’t mean it and she’ll know this is a tough time for you too! Take care x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Angela, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. It sounds like you are an incredible daughter. You father is lucky to have you in his life 🙂 I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your powerful perspective, especially since you are going through this same thing. My prayers are with you and your dad. big hugs my friend xox

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      1. Your mother is lucky to have you and I’m sure she feels grateful to have you every single day! It will get better, you’ll get through this with love, for each other and for God xo

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  14. This is so true. Patience is holy. I know what you mean with everything being insanely fast-paced in New York 😂 I’ve visited it before. You know it says a lot of a character that you’re being so honest about losing your patience with your mum and treating it as a growth opportunity. You’re amazing girl, keep shining 🙂

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    1. oh thank you so much for this, girlie. you’re right — patience is an opportunity to grow and learn…which I think, honestly, I’ll be doing a lot of this season…especially the later. Grateful for such wonderful and encouraging friends like you! hugs xo

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  15. What a heartbreakingly beautiful piece! Stroke is a devastating event, not just for the one experiencing it, but for the whole family and community of friends. Thank you for sharing! God is obviously moving in you life, and you are signing His light to us. Well done!❤️

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  16. I appreciate you. And I pray for you. My dad had 5 Strokes, and one heart attack before he graduated to a better life at 87 years on spaceship earth. Over that 10 years I learned a lot too. So will you. God bless you and keep you.

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  17. When my Mom had her stroke, she was 74. It happened the day before her and Dad’s 50th wedding anniversary. We weren’t aware of what was going on til the next day. This was at a time when early response to a stroke was not as well understood as it is now. She lost most of her speaking ability, could walk only with a walker. My sister was still living at home. She had some recovery but died from complications of her stroke(s) eighteen months later. Every thing you do helps. Every thing you do is a Corporal Act of Mercy, caring for the sick. God love you all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi David, Thank you for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. That just breaks my heart. I am so sorry for your loss. You’re right, being there is what she, and my family needs right now. Sending big hugs and prayers.

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  19. Just beautiful in how you work with yourself to deal with not only difficult situations but also with your own areas of needed growth. And you will make and I pray so will your mom. Remember faith which allows us to be patient is confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1. Thanks again you are an inspirational example to this old gray head. John

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    1. Thanks so much John. I really appreciate your kind words. And your prayers! Heb 11:1 is my all time favorite verse. it has seen me through many a challenging times! so glad you stopped by! hugs xo

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  20. Praying for both of you. This will indeed be a challenge but as we know, through God, all things are possible. May God lift you both up when you need it and may he embrace you with his love even more. God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Hello BBB,

    Have you ever read, His Utmost for My Highest, by Oswald Chambers? Great devotional. He talks about those quiet patient times as sitting a soaking before the Lord. It puts depth into us. The Lord is doing that with you. He is preparing his bride, so Jesus is deepening us to be filled more with Him. Your Mom needs to see more Jesus and you are opening the door for Him to work. We will be praying for you.
    In Christ,

    Gary

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Gary! I have but it was a long long time ago and I think I only got through half of it. ill have to give it another go. thanks for sharing it! and thanks for the kind words and prayers. grateful for you! hugs xox

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  22. Praying for you and your family. Stay strong in the Lord and he will show you what you need. You are so very strong and I can see where you get that strength from. Your Mother sounds like an amazing woman of God. May God Bless you and your family, may his healing hand be laid upon your Mother.

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    1. hi there friend, thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement and prayer. I really appreciate it. you’re right, God will provide. And oh my gosh, my mother is *the most* amazing woman. She is just incredible. Everyone she encounters feels Christ’s love through her. Just to brag on her for a quick second (forgive me!) she led two incredible women’s bible studies, each with over 130 women! And she is just such a rock for our family. she is truly our heartbeat. ok thanks for letting me toot her horn 🙂 hehe She’s my hero. big hugs to you xox

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  25. Oh yes, be patient with your mom. My youngest daughter has been having to help me a bit through this breast cancer. After a lifetime of asking always what can I do for my child to make her life better, easier, and happier, the irritation and ambivalence I sometimes get from her in the face of my own needs feels like small cuts in my heart, whether right or wrong.

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    1. Hi Sharon, thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear that you’re battling that. It sounds like you have an incredible daughter. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep fighting. You’re an inspiration. big hugs xox

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  27. I found myself choking back tears when I read this. My Dad suffered with stage 4 cancer and dying after 1 year. He was helpless. So was I when I tried to help him. He was scared and so was I. We are born into this world an infant being very dependent on our new parents. When they age and the years tick away they in turn become dependent on us. They become childlike again. I can only imagine how he must have felt when he could no longer feed himself. All those times he fed me I suddenly found myself feeding him. You got angry maybe because you were scared. Your mom must have felt it. That hug was therapy for for both of you. Hang in there and cherish every moment. Hugs to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Teresa, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear that about your father. It sounds like you were both there for each other during a scary time. How grateful he must have been. That hug really was therapy. we seriously embraced for probably 3 minutes and 30 seconds. neither of us wanted to let go. thanks for your kind words, and I hope you’re doing okay 🙂 my prayers are with you and your family. hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Love is patient. And being patient is an ongoing exercise. We don’t get it right the first time and every time thereafter. As your mom is learning to live in her new reality, so are you. Please be patient with yourself as well as with her.

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    1. Thanks Judie, this was such a thoughtful response. you’re right, I am learning every day. And that’s such great advice. I’ve got to be patient all the way around. thanks for stopping by and for your lovely encouragement. big hugs xox

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  31. That’s Beautiful, it is amazing how she can be brave through something like this. We never really know our own strength until we are taking through something so difficult to handle. Thank you for sharing this! great reminder for us all

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  33. Such a beautiful post. I’m so sorry about your mother. She sounds incredibly amazing. But, this came at a wonderful time. My parents moved in with me and husband a few years ago. Their health is still good and able to get get around. I thank God everyday for that. But with the struggles coming from parents and adult children living together, I have been a little stressed and somewhat sad. But reading this has given me a new perspective and a renewed thankfulness for my parents. Thank you!
    I will keep you and your mother in my prayers! And hope to read more of your posts on a regular basis😃

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    1. Thank you so much, Laura. I so appreciate your kind words and encouragement. She really is an incredible woman. I look up to her in so many ways. I’m so glad this resonated with you. What a wonderful situation you find yourself in with your parents. I’m sure you both are learning things from one another. Thank you for the prayers. Big hugs to you xox

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  35. Hey Sister. Here is a Word of encouragement and confirmation to help you persevere in the midst of your trial: Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. James 5:7-11

    I also wanted to share my personal observance of your spiritual growth and strengthening over the last couple of months. Yes, you will still be faced with troubles of all kinds, but you will be better equipped to handle all that is on your plate because you have sought out and received the strength of Christ Jesus. Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30- “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” and it is only in Him that we care bear the burdens of this life. It is inspiring to see you grow in your trust and understanding of God and I know it still hurts tremendously when those we love suffer, remember that God is still God and He will never give you more than you can bear.

    Please receive this prayer for you and your Mom.

    Father God, I come before you in the mighty name and authority given in Christ Jesus. I pray for for BBB and her Mother who are now in the midst of a test and trial of their faith. Father I pray that you comfort them and remind them that their is no mountain too high or no valley too low for you the maker of mountains and valleys. I’m praying for a miracle on their behalf. I pray that you intercede and protect them from all harm and danger. I pray that the floodgates of your Heavenly bounty be poured out into their hearts, washing away all fear and worry. I pray for a peace that surpasses all understanding be upon them. I pray that you give them the strength to stand firm like David in the face of their challenge. I pray that they invoke the faith of Abraham, and believe in you despite what they see. I pray that you draw near to them and show them your faithfulness and favor. I pray for healing, restoration and times of refreshment over their lives, so that they will share a mighty testimony of praise, honor and glory in the name of Jesus Christ; I pray!

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  38. You have shared an amazing testimony. Yes. It’s true. Love is patient. Patience is one of the many attributes of love. The same subject of love was on my mind last week…to the point that God had me deliver the Good News of “No Ordinary Love” yesterday. When, and if, you have the opportunity, feel free read what He gave me to give to us: http://wp.me/p7f3YT-5h .

    Be positive and be blessed.

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  39. Just came in to say you’re doing such a great job of being cognizant and aware of patience–it’s so easy for us to snap, so easy for us to just jump when anger wants to take hold. I completely understand your situation and can relate in my own similar situation (albeit slightly different). I’m really happy to see spirit-driven people like you take up the cross, even on the aspects we can overlook like patience in love, and stick to it. That’s life. That’s living.

    Keep staying strong.

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  41. See, darling, this is your purpose…at least for now; you are able to see turnings in life, moments that heal and change outcomes…change eternity…and in your own way, using your culture’s methods and vocabulary, show how it is done…how life is done…how love is done. That’s what it means to do it as Jesus would do it…to take your insight, awareness, and pain; own it; confess it; heal of it; and then beautifully show and lead others toward a more honest life. Well done, pip-squeak.

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    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. You’re right, I do feel this is my purpose, at least right now. Because I am feeling so peaceful about it. So I must be on the right path, right? Gosh, I am just so touched by your kind words. Hope you’re having a wonderful week so far. hugs to you xox

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      1. I am having a good week…a God-filled week. I am going to write about it later today, I hope…about staying aware of indicators that it is time to make an adjustment or to let go of plans and paths (at least for the right now) that are not working, right now. It’s all about staying in touch with God and following divine guidance: learn as you go and totally in faith.

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      1. No travel this week. Went out for a sandwich with Julie this evening. Then we took a drive to the building where she has a job interview tomorrow! We pray it’s God’s will!

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  45. Wow, BBB, thanks so much for stopping by my blog earlier–so glad it led me to yours! My mom is 82–and it’s so easy to lose patience with the things she didn’t ask for: hearing loss, arthritis and other health issues the elderly have. Not sure how old your mother is, but she sounds much younger than mine. Keeping both of you in prayer. As an occupational therapist who spent close to 10 years working with adults, I came across many a stroke patient. Please feel free to reach out with any questions you might have. Just email me via my website. 🙂

    Ah…patience–the dreaded act of keeping one’s calm no matter what, lol. I’m currently dealing with a very young man who maybe has never been on the receiving end of enough of it. I keep praying for God’s wisdom, guidance and the words that will speak to his heart and help him effect some important life changes. And I pray constantly to love him unconditionally, so that he’ll love and believe in himself enough to grow into the potential God has put in him.

    Wishing you and your mom all the best and looking forward to visiting here again!

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    1. Hi Joanne, oh thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. It seriously means so much. You’re right, it’s easy to forget that. Yeah my mom is in her very early 60s. Wow, what an awesome job. You get to help so many people get their lives back. That’s so awesome. Thanks for the encouragement. I will definitely keep that young man in my prayers too. You have a beautiful heart, and that is so evident in your words. So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  47. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this God moment. It is difficult when children have to become parent to their parent. But through your service to you mother, you are honoring God by following His commandment: #5. Honor your father and mother. May you continue to grow in your faith and feel the joy of His presence as you care for your mother.

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    1. Oh thank you so much:) what a beautiful note. I so appreciate your prayers and support. You’re right, this has been a difficult season, but ironically, I have felt so tremendously blessed through it all. God has a funny way of doing that, I guess. Thanks again for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Yes, I do! 🙂 i spend close to 30 hours a week on this blog, from writing, to replying to comments, to managing the social media to creating the artwork…im trying to figure out how to turn it into a full time job! Haha but seriously… lol thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  50. You are incredible, Caralyn. Your Mom is an incredible woman obviously, and she demonstrated life to you, and she did a fantastic job.
    We all slip up at times, saying and doing things we shouldn’t. That is why we need a Saviour, Jesus Christ, to forgive us of our sins, and show us His way of life as we read the Bible.
    God Bless you Caralyn, and may our Lord Jesus Christ fill you with His Spirit, and may the Fruit of His Spirit be fresh in your life, and obvious for the picking, as you serve your Mom, Dad, and others that Holy Spirit brings your way.

    Galatians 5:22-23
    22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
    23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

    Continuing to pray, with expectations for a touch from Jesus on your Mom, and Strength for you and your Dad.

    God’s Blessings Caralyn,
    Luv,

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    1. Oh my goodness, George, thank you for this incredibly kind note of encouragement. You’re right, that IS why we need a savior. And hallelujah that Jesus is overflowing in mercy. Thanks for sharing that powerful verse. I definitely am going to pray for an increase in the fruit! Thanks again for your continued prayers. I am very grateful to call you friend! hugs xox

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