Patience as a Way of Life

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

It’s pretty clear to me, that during this time at home here, helping my mom recover from her stroke, God is wasting no time at all, teaching me things.

And not just any “things…” but real, important, messy things.

Things that should come with an owners manual or an instruction guide.

In other words, things you could find at Ikea.

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#SorryOneOfThoseDays

New York City, if there’s anything that characterizes the Big Apple, it’s the instantaneousness of life in the rat race. You want a sandwich delivered at 2am? It’ll be there in 20 minutes. Need a ride? You’ve got an Uber driver 1 minute away. Everything is efficient. And everything happened 2 minutes ago.

And it’s a good thing, but also a bad thing. Or rather, a bad thing to get used to. And one of the big lessons I’m learning here, is a practice in patience…

I got angry at my mom today.

I lost my patience. Huffed off. Said some things that I wish I could take back.

Adjusting to this new “normal” has obviously had its challenges. Memory loss and word recall issues are tricky to navigate, especially for loved ones.

Aside from the obvious, it presents a weariness of spirit that, admittedly, I allowed to get the best of me.


And sitting across from my beautiful mother tonight at the dinner table, wracked with guilt from getting upset with her, God stepped in, and removed a scale from my eye. And moved in my heart a compassion that broke me down in shoulder-shuddering sobs.

My mom didn’t ask for this. She didn’t ask to have a stroke during the prime of her life, with two grandchildren, big plans for her own ministry, and a bucket list of travel destinations, two CVS-receipts long.

And now, she’s unable to fully express the thoughts she’s having in her mind, and can’t remember things on command. Things we so take for granted. Things that I can’t imagine not being able to do.

It’s hard enough to watch a loved one have to suffer through that. But to actually be going through it yourself?

I was sitting there at dinner, looking at my lifeblood, my best friend, my soul sister – and I just thought to myself, Gosh, what a brave woman. If I were enduring that, I would be so scared. So angry. Confused. Frustrated. Discouraged. Annoyed. Anxious. Unsure. Restless. Abandoned by God.

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The trial she’s living with — that she didn’t ask for — she literally woke up to.

She woke up and everything was different. Scary different.

And not for a second has she shown an ounce of fear.

She is so courageous. So strong. So valiant.

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That is the reality she is living with. How dare I not be patient with this incredible woman who is literally fighting to regain her life?

How could I have lost my temper with her today?

My mother hugged me at dinner tonight in the warm embrace I have always known. She held me as I sobbed into her shoulder, accepting my apology and thanking me for acknowledging the hellish nightmare that is her reality. That she cannot just *fix* in a snap.

Tonight, thinking back…I’m being struck by one thing:

“Love is patient.” 

Why is it, that in THE MOST recited wedding verse, and the most famous passage on love, that patience — patience! of all things! — is first!?

I mean, *bam.* Right there. You hear that slapping sound? Yeah, that’s just God smacking me across the face.

Love is patient.

Practicing patience has so been on my heart tonight. And it got me thinking…why let the buck stop with my mom? Shouldn’t I be treating everyone with that same patience?

Because the fact is, everybody is dealing with some sort of unseen burden. Every. single. person. has something weighing on them. Maybe it’s not the devastating aftermath of a stroke, but there are countless other sources of suffering that we should be moved to show compassion and understanding for.

That’s been made so clear to me tonight.

To be patient is to love. They are one and the same.

And if we continue on in that hackneyed passage we find the last little love letter from God….

Love never fails. 

And there in lies the hope 🙂

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

360 thoughts on “Patience as a Way of Life”

  1. I almost want to cry, such a powerful message. Things we know and yet forget so quickly. Continuous prayers and love from SA 🙂

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  2. “The new normal” sums it up about right. And your instincts are spot on; patience is required. And you will really learn patience through this time… my own mom’s journey with Alzheimers taught us and changed us and slowed us down. It’s one of the ways God puts real gold in us. Bless you for what you’re doing for your mom!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for this. you’re right – this is definitely a learning period. I’m so sorry that your mom is going through that. you’re right, God refines us through challenges like that. thanks for the encouragement. hugs xox

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  4. Thank you for this. I needed this kind of post tonight.

    Lately, I realize, I’ve been struggling with patience. I needed to be reminded: Being impatient is not what love is about at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Life isnt always a bed a roses is it! I’m glad you find the time to write while supporting your mum. Often life changes for others in a way we couldnt imagine, but gives us strength and courage..and helps us forget our own problems.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My mother started losing her memory and moved in with my husband and me. It turned out she hadn’t been giving herself her vitamin B12 shot for many months. I make sure she takes all her meds and fix her meals etc.

    My mom has always been a perfectionist; she is fun and nice too. I knew she would be picky about things when she moved in and prayed God would help me not to be offended. At first, she did mention how her food wasn’t perfect, or she didnt like this or that, but even though it was hard to hear it was helpful to know what she liked. She was upset a bit at first that I didn’t have olives and pickles and other things she was used to having at her home. So, I stocked up on those things. When I felt upset, I went into another room and prayed for God to give me patience and love. He always did.

    Now we have our menus and routines in place, she doesn’t complain much at all. She is grateful to live here and I love having her.

    I think it is so wonderful how you apologized and hugged your mom. This role you have now is brand new for you, and you are so young. I’m 66 and my mom is 89. I’ve had many years learning patience by having children and grandchildren and learning how to lean on God for his strength. Remember, you are not doing this alone. Jesus is beside you. You will most likely become much closer to him as you help your mother.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this, Belle. It sounds like you are an incredible daughter. I’m sorry that your mom is starting to lose her memory. I will definitely keep her and your whole family in my prayers. Amen to that – Jesus is beside us. Always. Yes, He has been carrying our family through this challenging time. thanks for stopping by! hugs to you xox

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  11. Thank you for sharing this incredibly important message.
    You are brave too, for doing this. Opening up like you do.
    And your mother is teaching you so much from her condition.
    And to herself.
    And all of us.
    She is lucky to have you as her daughter.
    Blessings and Love to you, your mother, and all of your family ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Love, love, love this post. My mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia last year and your words resonated with me. I often feel guilty for getting short with my mom and not exercising enough patience. Living in the world where my mom and my son are both suffering with mental and physical health issues can sometimes exhaust me beyond my limits, but you reminded me that love is patient. I will be praying for you and your mom’s full recovery. I hope that you both will get to check some travel destinations of her bucket list in the near future. (((HUGS)))

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    1. Oh thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that your mom is going through that. I will definitely keep her and your son in my prayers. she’s lucky to have a wonderful daughter like you. You’re right, it can sometimes be difficult to be patient, but we are growing in the process. thanks for the prayers! And yes! We’re actually planning a trip for a couple months out to give us something to look forward to. big hugs xox

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  17. When I was nursing Daddy back from a stroke, it was complicated with dementia which was exacerbated by the stroke. So my Daddy had impatience and irritability at first and as it went on and grew worse, his dementia wiped out his anger and impatience and he grew happier, which was a blessing. But my thoughts are this: fantastic opportunity to be humbled. This was the effect the experience had on me. Now that he has passed, I am thankful for every nasty cleanup, every disgusting smell, every opportunity to serve the one who took care of me the same way many years ago. The opportunity to be humble and others focused is a profound gift. And of course, when we serve others, we are serving God and He blesses. And in your case, I pray this is temporary, but what an opportunity to get outside of yourself and grow!! Praise God for such a gift!! He must see how precious your heart is and want you to realize all He can do through you! Keep your chin up and be encouraged. Growth is not for the weak. 🙂

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    1. I’m so sorry to hear that about your father. Thank you for sharing it. it sounds like you were a real source of joy during his twilight time on earth. What a great daughter. You’re right, this is going to be a great opportunity to be humbled. Thank you for the prayers and encouragement. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Thank you so much for sharing! i work with stroke survivors and patience is the best way to love them. Especially the ppl who suffer from aphasia! Did you know there is a world of apps and programs you can do with your mother or that she can do by herself, to train her brain in making new connections in the language area of the brain? A couple of hours a week at a therapist is good but not enough to get real improvements… You may want to look at http://www.aphasiasoftwarefinder.org/ to see what is available in your language (i am Dutch so i have only worked with Dutch programs so far).
    I think your mothers journey is not over by far, and from what you say she is the strong and derermined kind. I am certain that God has a way to use this life changing event in the best way possible, to still help her be an example of how great He is. bless you, and your mom!

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    1. Hey G, thank you for your kind words and support. what a powerful line of work you do! How interesting! I will definitely check out those apps! How cool! thanks for passing them along 🙂 You’re right, I do believe that God will use this for good. big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I am sorry to hear about your mother. I am sure that it is very difficult and I have no idea how it feels to have a parent that has had any of the issues your mother is going through.
    Something I am familiar with is losing patients with them. I think we all have those moments expectantly with the ones we love the most. It is so easy to get mad at them and to say stupid things but its because we know that they will forgive us and things will work out…most of the time.
    I hope that your mother gets better soon. I hope that your life and her life can return to some kind of normalcy for the sake of your sanity and hers.
    Good luck with everything!

    Side note…I love your blog and the way it is set up. I might have to pick your brain to get mine looking ans running better!!

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  21. Loved it. As I tend to my almost 90 year old Dad, I read your piece with a lump in my throat. Yes, you have put it all so beautifully. I want to hug you very tightly. (-If you are the hugging type.) It’s a tough thing to go through. Yet so great to know that you are where you would want to be, at this point and place in your life. God bless you for sharing these touching moments.

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  22. Hmm, just two days ago it hit bam bam bam the cousin relationship between Faith and Patience: both from the virtues lineage, gifts of the holy spirit… but sometimes it’s easy to recite them in prayers especially like ‘love is patient…’. But humbly realizing we need to go slow and learn over and again to live those out, is a bigger virtue. Princess, thanks for sharing… we are all in this struggling strides together

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    1. Hey Marie! You’re right, they are cousins! And amen to that — slowing down to listen and learn, that’s where the true growth and relationship with the Father deepens. Thanks again for always being so encouraging. i’m grateful for our friendship! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Princess, and just now in my life, something I had asked and begged God for, seems to be forthcoming. But it’s not ‘sweeping me off my feet’ if you get it as I believe you would. So I near rushed to pull my curtains, and then saw a church and steppes in to pray. Patience be still said my Spirit, do a 9 days fast. There I go now… I am learning and reading posts like yours, sharing with each other, encouraging each other, hmm only our Almighty Father can facilitate all this awesome. Thank you too and virtual hugs to mum hundredth times over

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  24. I went through very similar emotions when my father had several strokes. It really was a scary, frustrating, and confusing time for the whole family.

    But you’re right. Love never fails. And although I understand your guilt — also remember that you are human and sometimes these emotions just happen. Stay strong! I’ll keep you and your mother in my prayers!

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    1. Hi Sunday, oh gosh I’m so sorry to hear that your father went through that. And thank you for the prayers. it really means a lot. know that you and yours are in mine as well. yes. love never fails. big hugs to you xox

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  25. Such good insights. Yes, the learning will come in abrupt and uncomfortable moments like you describe. You’ll sometimes confront your worst self as the strain wears on energy and inhibition, and therein is the opportunity to understand God’s grace. Your own sense of perfection will go out the window pretty quickly; the only replacement is the perfect love that has chosen you. May you find rest and strength in that.

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    1. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. Learning does tend to come through trials. but there will be growth. And yes, God is showing us with grace to get through this right now. And you’re right, my perfectionism is going RIGHT out the window! haha big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Tough break and I’m sorry to hear about this. It’s tough when any loved ones is stricken with sickness, particularly a parent (I am sadly speaking from experience). All the best to you and the family. It’s in God’s hands now and whatever He wills will be for the best.

    The best thing is for you to be there for your mother. She is very lucky; not everyone has children who would do this for them.

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  28. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My prayers are with her… do not be hard on yourself you are only human and your mom understands and she knows how much you love her Moms feel with their heart, words sometimes are not needed so hug her and just take each day one day at a time and feel blessed she is working to get better . God wont give you more then you can handle I believe . Hugs

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    1. Oh, thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. it truly means the world. You’re right, my mom is such a loving person and always only sees the good. And gosh, is she ever courageous. amen to that. God is good. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Hi, I enjoy your writing, my name is Merlin, you’ve been kind enough to enjoy some of my stuff as well (nurtureurnature blog). I wanted your opinion on something, it involves a meditation program I may be doing at an acting studio in Toronto. If you’d be kind enough to email me, fitnesswizard99@gmail.com as to whether you have the time to chat about it or not, I’d appreciate it. Thank you.

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  30. Patience is the hardest virtue (for me, at least). It says the other person is not ENOUGH. Not fast enough or sweet, kind enough, thoughtful enough. They don’t meet our timeline, our demands, our felt need. It is the humble heart that is patient in the face of God’s patience with us who, in fact, were nOt enough.

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  31. This post was so heartfelt written, it brought a flow of tears to my eyes.
    Thank you for sharing such a personal experience of growth.
    Bless you and your mom. She is a grand teacher. You are a fantastic student.
    Hugz, ren

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  32. This post moved me so much!!! I relate so much to it… My mother had brain cancer before she passed away and I still am haunted by times my temper was short with her. God bless!!!

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    1. Oh April, thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry that your mother is no longer with us. I find a comfort in remembering that in these challenging times, we tend to remember the good times, and the not-so-tender moments are dust in the wind. 🙂 I hope that brings you some comfort too. big big hugs xox

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      1. Most definitely!!! I agree completely! It puts things into perspective & helping a loved one during hard times can be challenging, yet so rewarding and fulfilling. I know your Mom is so thankful she raised a daughter as kind-hearted as you! ❤

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  33. Beautiful. I am so glad you are there with your mom–one of my biggest regrets in life is that I did not do the same for mine. It’s a comfort to me to see you on the right path. Praying for you and your mom.

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  35. The world we live in today NY or Chicago it can be quite busy. Most time we forget who we are and simply expect everything and everyone to respond to us at the snap of a finger. We forget to love and show love, to forgive be patient and forget. We just rush.
    Thank you for reminding me again. Extra love and extra patience goes a long way.

    https://tifeadunade.wordpress.com/

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  37. Hi Caralyn…full disclosure, thanks for this post as I have been struggling of late with what seems like an unending season of waiting. I think the hardest command in the Bible for me is “Wait upon the Lord”. I am insatiably curious and have a hard time leaving outcomes in God’s hands…I have this strange tendency to want to help God along…funny, I have never had God ask me for my advice…huh?! ;0) Anyway…I appreciate your honesty and transparency. You are an authentic and genuine soul and a treasure in God’s eyes (and a blessing to all us folks on the interwebs) Been praying for you and your mom. Grace and Peace multiplied!
    In His Amazing Love…Tom

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    1. Hey Tom, oh thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection. Ah yes, waiting is one of the most difficult tasks we are given, isn’t it? Haha I totally can relate in wanting to help God along! Better leave it to the Big Man 🙂 hehe thanks for your continued encouragement and prayers. It means the world. Hugs and love xox

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  39. I always enjoy your posts. Perhaps someone has already mentioned that the Love Chapter is a description of God’s character. It’s an encouragement to us only from the understanding that God is the one who loved us first (was patient with us and so on). Isn’t that cool?

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      1. Did you know that there was a Star Trek episode where they did a powerful illustration of 1 Corinthians 13?

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  40. While you are there taking care of your mom – and processing all that you are going through in your own life, – it may be helpful for you to take time off once a week for a short getaway to reflect and recharge your batteries. Remember that Jesus often took time away from his disciples and the crowds to go off by himself in nature to pray. It will be good for your family and good for you to take time out on a regular basis. Get out of the house by yourself. Go out in nature or to a coffeehouse or whatever you like. Relax and refresh yourself. God bless you.

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  41. You got me tearful there. I had to do something else in between reading so I didn’t look foolish in my office… in case someone walks in. Maybe not a good idea to read posts while in the office. Lol!
    You’re so right! And spot on – I got hit. I do get very impatient with my mom. She’s starting to be forgetful. Sigh! Aging. Even I am scared. But it’s part of life, right. And this is aging, not a stroke. I know, I know.. This being in the city makes us impatient and we need it more. I am practicing patience and other values when stuck and traffic and witnessing rude driving.
    Stay strong. God is guiding you and the family all the way. Keep the love!
    Warmest hugs to you dear friend.

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    1. Hey Anne! Aw, thank you friend. I’m so glad this hit home with you. Haha oh gosh I’m picturing the scene at the office! 🙂 yes this is definitely a season in my life where I am learning patience. Cuz you’re right. The cite can wipe that out of ya! Thanks for your continued encouragement 🙂 means the world! Big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure. 💖 Always..
        We already had tears yesterday (maybe I was a bit harsh.. cruel to be kind..? so, can’t show top much emotions easily. Haha!)
        By the way, I have no idea how Ohio is.. 😃 I must Google. I’ve only been to California and Vegas. 😆
        God bless the whole family always. Much love and hugs my dear friend. 💖🤗

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      2. hah no worries Anne! Ohio is wonderful. It’s really beautiful. Rolling hills, winding rivers, towering trees and forests — to be clear, I live in the suburbs, but if you get a chance to visit, I would highly encourage you! hugs xo

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  42. Continued prayers for your Mom and for you. I must ask the Lord often for forgiveness, and for a heart of patience and kindness, especially for those closest to me. I fail. I get consumed by my emotions, feelings. And I still struggle with adjusting to the new normal of my parents in Assisted living, with cognitive issues, etc, even though it’s been a couple years now. I pray for you and all caregivers to be strengthened. God bless you!

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    1. Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support. It truly means the world. And gosh I feel you there. I find myself asking for that forgiveness and patience just about every day! Praying for your parents and you and your family:) sending big hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  43. I can truly imagine how you feel. Without going into detail, I’m truly glad you repented to your mum. GOD is redeeming my lack of patience when I was in your shoes.
    God’s blessings and peace!

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  44. I know exactly what you’re talking about! God is calling me to be patient as well and I was told the same thing “Love is patient”. The words from a song I heard several years ago has been running through my mind constantly: “Love is patient, love is kind, love will stand the test of time”. How true those words are! Keep your chin up sister! It’s gonna get better! Sending you and your mom lots of love 🙂

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  45. Ah, patience. Not exactly what we humans are made for. I’m in a season of needing patience with a little foster baby. He often keeps me from getting one single thing done, and all I can think of is all the things I need to do and how I can’t wait until he’s at a different stage where I can get all the things done. Then I realize if I don’t slow down and have patience, he’ll be out of the fun stages before I know it. Like my own children, he’ll be all grown before I blink.

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    1. Yes, patience is definitely a difficult lesson to learn. Oh wow, what a gift you are giving that little child. I will definitely keep you and your family and your foster baby in my prayers. big hugs xox

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  46. Such lovely words. We all need to have more patience, with ourselves and with others. I so need to learn this lesson. Thank you. xx

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  49. Patience is something that we do together. You’re very close to your mother. It’s probably hard for her to be patient as well.

    Some people can empty themselves and let a loved one move them. It takes a great deal of courage.

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