The Passing of Time 

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

It’s a breathtaking morning here. One of those mornings that happen only when it’s right on the cusp of spring. Kind of like winter’s last stand.

6am. And there’s this thick blanket of fog that is covering the backyard, with only the faint shadow of the spindly tree branches cutting through. It’s as though the view from my window has an eerily romantic Instagram filter. A cardinal is perched on the statue outside, and its red coloring is muted, yet brilliant against the frost.

This dreamy scene reminds me that spring is on its way.

And as beautiful as it is, it pulls at the pit of my stomach.

It’s the passing of time. 

When I came home from NYC for Christmas, I was expecting to be home for 7 days, and then be back to ring in the New Year from Manhattan.

Then my mom’s stroke happened and a) thank you, Lord, that I was home! But b) my life and plans completely changed gears: I quit my nanny job in NYC and moved temporarily back home to be on call 24/7 for my mom and dad.

Which honestly, has been such a blessing to be able to do that. You know…I could have had a serious boyfriend back in NYC or a high-powered Wall Street job that would have prohibited me from being able to drop everything and come back to Ohio.

But looking out the window this morning, I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a pang of restless anxiety or just…fear, almost…at the changing of the seasons.

When I came home, it was the dead of winter. Now, we’re on the cusp of spring.

Time is passing, and things, for me, are unclear.

And I feel like such a boob even giving the time of day to these personal apprehensions. I mean, I look at my mom, and I know that everything I’m feeling, she feels to the “N’th degree.” It’s been almost 8 weeks since her stroke, and I know that she’s wanting to be back to her normal self, and it’s killing her that she still has a long way to go in the recovery process.

Seeing that, who am I to complain about my small potatoes?

200w

After this kind of somber start to the morning, I snapped my laptop closed and decided to make that best of today.

That morning, I accompanied my mother to her book club/bible study, and yet again, I’m walking away with a new perspective having heard some sage wisdom…straight from some sixty-year old ladies’ mouths.

We talked about how in life, we, as women, are receptive. By nature. We have a receptiveness about us…we empty ourselves for others so that we can be filled by God.

And to do that, we have to be open to His plan.

And sitting there, listening to those women chat, I couldn’t help but think about the situation I find myself in right this very minute.

Where I am right now, whether I realize it or not, communicates that I am open to His plan. I have emptied my life and what I thought was important and necessary –I’ve poured it out.

But today, and these past couple days, I’ve been so focused on the pouring-out-ness, that I’ve missed how much God is filling me up simultaneously:

I’ve gotten to be here for the birth and growing up of my niece. I’ve spent more time with my brothers and their wives than ever before, which is so awesome. And not to mention, just being with my mom and dad and having dance parties that could end me up on America’s Funniest Home Videos. Either that or America’s Most Wanted…

Focusing on myself and thinking about the fast paced life I willing walked away from for this season, makes me overlook the fact that this time is actually a gift.

A gift that keeps on giving, day in and day out. I just need to stop focusing on myself and see what God is actually doing.

The fog has lifted now, both outside and in my heart. The sun has cut through, piercing the haze and bringing with it a spectacular day with crystal blue skies.

So too, in my heart.


Once again, God has provided for me just what I needed to remember in that moment.


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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

243 thoughts on “The Passing of Time ”

  1. Each of us is here to learn how to receive and give divine love. That’s all. So simple, but the mind wants to make it much more complicated. The filling up and giving out you described is exactly what we are supposed to do. I believe two things:

    1) Everything is in its rightful place.
    2) God never gives us a problem we are incapable of solving.

    I’ll add a third: It always gets better–always. Sometimes it’s hard to see this, but that’s because our minds cannot grasp the entirety of God’s plan. It just can’t do it. You and your family are in good hands. Promise.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks Dave. I think you’re right – we are all put on this earth to receive the love that He already poured out for us! Which yes is easier said than done. I love those three things. i’m definitely going to hold onto that third one there. Amen! hugs xox

      Liked by 2 people

      4. The things that happen to us all have a purpose. Everything is in its rightful place in the worlds of God. God will never give us a problem we aren’t strong enough to handle. You were picked because God knew you could handle it. Look at all the great things you are doing because of your situation. What could be more perfect than that?

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  2. It’s great that you are listening. You could have got in the mire of the “lost” things, but He was nudging you to the new and you are willing to listen and see the good. He will always do this, if we are willing to receive 🙂 Easier said than done…lol…but you’re doing it 😉 Great post. God bless you 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  3. ahhh I needed to read this RIGHT at this moment. wow God works in amazing ways!!!!

    thank you ❤. personally I am going through some rough times, and it seems like just when it cant get worse, it does.

    I dont question God. But Im exhausted. and I got more news tonight that just left me wondering “ok… what do I do so I dont fall apart”. As I put Norah to bed, we prayed- first time just her and I – a humbling experience. and I said “God- I dont know what the plan is but I put all of this in your Hands. my trust, my issues, my stresses”

    and then as I sit quietly in the next room, not sure what is next on my list of things to do before bedtime- I see your post.

    and it gave me additional relief – it was like part 2 to my prayer earlier.

    XO thank u! you have a gift ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh good, I’m so glad that this came at the right time for you. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a challenging season. I will definitely keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there friend 🙂 Big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks again for sharing such a good perspective – so sorry to hear about your mum’s stroke – I went to visit someone from our church who had a stroke this week – the word picture I gave him was the picture of driving to Florida – about 18 hours from here – and asked him to imagine that he’s in the second hour of that 20 hour drive – it seems like recovery will be forever at this point but the journey won’t be forever – it’s work to recover but he’s seeing how much he had before his stroke and how much he has that’s worth working hard in his recovery for – bless you for caring for your family – that’s so cool

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      1. For sure – hey so I shoot you an email with a question – used the address on your blog page – hope that’s ok – no worries if you don’t have time to answer – have a good evening

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  7. You have such a wonderful way with words! Have you ever considered writing a book? It is a career that you could have anywhere, and I know I would certainly buy a copy!

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  8. So random thoughts… Moses was watching sheep for 40 years. Joseph was in Egypt for decades. Jesus didn’t start ministry until his 30s – which was right on time.
    With that said, it is difficult to just be present in the moment, right where we are. And just when we get there some idiot comes up and asks what our 5 year plan is.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks. The irony is, I’ve been in a depression lately, but I appreciate your affirmation.

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  9. I look forward each morning to my “Daily Bread”. Fellowship with the Lord while
    reading, feeding on Scriptures is basic, a fulfillment of our spirit’s needs. Prayer, worship and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit as well. But if you don’t delight in the
    Word of God you’re truly starving yourself. As a disciple beginning as a new believer, I learned to feed my spirit daily. The Lord honored my commitment by giving me revelation after revelation. Along with an endless string of Kingdom experiences. I began this discipline in my early 20’s. As a grandfather, I continue to do so. Sanctification is a maturing process as a believer. As an adventure, we daily grow into it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This is such great advice, Gary. Thank you so much.There really is so much truth and peace to be found in His Word. wow, what a powerful discipline indeed. thanks for the encouragement. big hugs xox

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    2. I have been watching mass on the TV (as I am not supposed to drive much) every day. I tape it and then be sure to listen intently to the readings and the message. It helps me a lot to focus and to ponder what God asks me to reflect upon. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is a life long process. Also, beauty — remember that his timing is perfect. It’s not our timing but his. HUGZ

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  10. And now for an arm chair observation (or in this case love seat because the arm chair is taken + it’s written in love (see what I did there?))…

    You wrote, “And I feel like such a boob even giving the time of day to these personal apprehensions… Seeing that, who am I to complain about my small potatoes?”
    I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time it has sounded to me like you kind of stomp on, dare I say invalidate, your feelings, based on your role as care giver. I’m not saying you should marinate in misery, ingratitude, and self-absorption; that’s not healthy. On the other hand, your feelings are real, valid, to be wrestled with.

    You make me think of something I heard once (maybe shared before):
    The world tells us to vent our feelings.
    The church tells us to stuff our feelings.
    But God invites us to have and pray our feelings to him.

    It’s okay to feel.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. there’s a lot of truth in that: my feelings are valid. and i shouldn’t just disregard them. wow, I’ve never heard that last little tidbit before, but I like it. Because if God didn’t want us to feel our feelings, we wouldn’t feel them! haha thanks for stopping by. sending massive hugs to you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. It is so important to recognize your feelings. Feel, be, wish, pray, hope, understand. Do them all internally and on your terrific blog….then do what you know you have to do. It is called responsibility and you are to commended for stepping up. Every minute you spend with your Mom will pay dividends in your life. After you do all those things above be grateful and proud. God Bless. Peace and Joy to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Lolo! 🙂 Yeah, I can’t just disregard my feelings simply because they’re not all bright and shiny. Thanks for the encouragement. God is good, and I do trust in His good and perfect plan. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Thank you so much for continuing to share your walk of faith. God was and is aware of your beautiful spirit. The word ” serve” comes to mind….giving of yourself to serve a person or people in need. I think your thoughts are exactly perfect….I’d be more worried about you if you didn’t have them or bottled them up inside. You, being unselfish and giving of yourself are creating memories you and your mom and dad will always cherish. So proud of you! Many people would have looked for excuses to not be there….look at what they would have missed. You are so inspirational! I will pray for you and for your Mom’s healing and recovery.

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    1. Thank you Rick. Yeah, it feels like they are coming to the surface now that the weather is changing. Gosh, thank you again for your continued prayers for my mom and i. it really means a lot. Yeah, my mom has spent her life serving our family. This is the least I can to 🙂 big hugs xox

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  14. Your time with family is a gift, even though it comes at some cost to you. The ambitious life that you are missing is often a distraction for mist people. I have a job like that, and combined with my ambition probably cost me the love of my life.

    I know in my heart that you will in time find all that you long for. Its there waiting for you. When you get the chance go chase it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for this thoughtful reflection. Yeah, it is always hard to choose between those things that compete for our time. Thank you for the powerful words of advice. it really means a lot. big hugs xox

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  16. Really enjoyed reading. Because I am an atheist, may be I can not connect with you how much God is needed in your thought process, but as a fellow human being, I also have experienced similar experiences and had very personal realizations of that sort. Hope you had a great day.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Women are designed to receive, nurture, carry and to empty. It’s kind of gross, but think of the entire 28ish day cycle and pregnancy. It’s exactly what you’re describing here. minds remind me of a well – we are filled from an internal source (God) and emptied out (by bucket fulls sometimes by pouring). We are also meant to be covered. Think electrical outlets – plugs and receptacle covers. The covers are there to prevent unintended use and power distribution.

    While seasons change, it is important to appreciate them as they come and revel in their beauty for as long as possible. Life can change on a dime – molding us, developing us into something more the Father desires us to accommodate, carry and give to others. To be fair, winter has been relatively short. This isn’t a typical midwestern winter here in Missouri – we spent nearly two weeks in the 70’s when normally we don’t begin to see spring (meaning intense rain) until April. Don’t discount winter, though. It may come back when you least expect in its frosty fury. Personally, winter sucks and I don’t like it…I am good with spring!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am good with spring too! 🙂 hehe Thank you for this beautiful reflection. You’re so right — even the very biology in our bodies reflect that. It’s actually pretty powerful when you really stop and think about it. We are life giving beings, in every sense of the word. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your wonderful thoughts! hope you have a great weekend! hugs xox

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  18. LOVE!! Your honesty about how you are feeling and processing is refreshing. What if, that serious boyfriend is actually in Ohio and not NYC? Just a thought that came to me as I was readying. Love to you sweetie!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Terese. What a kind thing to say. haha, that’s so true! What if! I had always been saying that I need to find an ohio guy in NYC, but now I just might be able to find a real-live-in-the-flesh-ohio man right here right now 🙂 haha Thanks for your sweet words. big big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  19. And here i thought i am the only one who is a little freaked out at the changing of seasons and passing of time… Realising that even though the days are passing, at least to my naked eyes, it seems like time has stopped…

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  20. I have found in my 66 years that family love is more important than anything exciting the world has to offer. You are being a blessing and receiving blessings. That can be so wonderful. But I also remember what it was like to be young and wanting to just get out there and make my mark on the world.

    When my two girls became adults and married, I went to university to get a degree in Library Science. I wanted to be an archivist, taking care of the relics brought back by Indiana Jones. Lol I loved reading about the ancient past and studying ancient art and religion.

    Well, I had 2 yrs. worth of credits when my daughter became ill and needed me to help her and her children. I quit going to school that year and I never did go back. One reason is I have a mental illness and it was getting worse with the pressure of school, but the main reason was my family needed me so much.

    I used to dream of having this exciting (to some people, boring!) career. But I’m so glad I put my family first. I babysat my grandchildren upwards of 20 years. I became so close to them. I was there for all the grand occasions and celebrations. I don’t regret leaving school and a career behind. Not that I’m saying you will be doing that! No, it’s just I can see God’s hand in leading me and I’m happy with the result.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, Belle, thank you os much for sharing your story. What a beautiful example of love and selflessness. Your daughters are lucky to have such a great mom 🙂 I’m glad that you’re able to look back with peace and see God’s hand in all of it. And you’re only 66! Who knows what the Lord has in store for you 🙂 Indiana Jones may be part of your future yet 🙂 hehe Thanks for the beautiful encouragement. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

    1. haha oh gosh, thanks. Yeah i woke up and it was like a dream world, seriously! My backyard looked like it was emerging from a cloud! i had never seen anything like it. I guess I got sort of dreamy in my writing haha thanks for indulging me in that 🙂 haha hoe you have a fun weekend! Full of rest and slight shenanigans 🙂 hugs xox

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  23. Hey, Caralyn! Home a day early this week when something in Nashville fell through. Just as well as I’m looking at a ton of miles next week!

    Ah, those dreamy, foggy mornings! I remember seeing fog boiling out of the Maumee River some mornings. I’m glad to hear you healing in your own ways alongside your mom. More on Patreon!

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    2. Oh! And I also published a separate piece on patreon…it was actually the one I had planned on publishing tonight, but chickened out at the last minute…hah…I second guessed myself. I instantly regretted it though….so i published it over on patreon. 🙂 hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Poleaxed. Literally. This is EXACTLY what I was going to scrawl (can one scrawl on a keyboard??? or is that sprawl?). My whole life has been put on hold. My spouse asked me on our 28th anniversary if this year counted, I’ve not been with him hardly at all…no that we are together if I am there, but that is a different topic. I’ve been coming to AK to be with mom each summer. Last year I got here in July, left in mid October, and turned around to come back on November 3. I have been in solid sole caregiving mode almost nonstop. I am trying to figure out why I am here. I don’t see mom getting better, she might. She has before. If Oregon wasn’t so far from AK, it would not be so hard. We are not quite to spring yet up here. The days are getting longer, but the winter chill bites hard at -4 with wind. I have been in ‘day to day’ since I arrived. Having mom still alive is because of me, but how long can I stay? I do find blessings (I put them in my blessings blog here on WordPress–not the one I am writing from now-it helps to find good things in a horrid situation). Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement.

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    1. Oh gosh, Kris, that is a really tough situation. I’m sorry that you and your family are going through that. Know that I am keeping your mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Yeah, that is a challenging season for sure. Is there any way that she could perhaps come stay with you in Oregon? Just a thought as I read that. But gosh, what a gift you are giving your mother 🙂 And congrats on 28 years of marriage. What a beautiful testimony of love 🙂 Hang in there. Sending you so much love xox

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  29. Wafting in your words – I heard a murmur.

    “This is not a gift, this living. This is not an emptying nor a filling – this is simply more living one day at a time. Restless is fine, looking beyond is fine. But this day is a real and solid as any day you have lived so far. Your recovery was not a gift, it was living, your NYC living is not a gift it is living, your ability to be home the same – just more living. You will look back on this time of living as you look back on other times of your living – as having great power. Why not simply embrace that power right now. For each day’s power ceases as it ends. “Fuel up” on each day – not some other ceased time. And embrace the power of the seasons. They are not a clock – they are life itself.”

    ((hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, this absolutely rocked my world. Thank you so much for this powerful comment and for sharing the murmur that you heard. They are not a clock- they are life itself. Hold. the. phone. WOW. I mean, what an incredible perspective. You’re so right – that murmur was so right — I have to fuel up on each day and fully embrace every second that I’m here in this season. Gosh, so much great stuff to mull over today. thanks for sharing 🙂 big hugs ox

      Liked by 1 person

  31. Yes, taking that time to just breathe in the beauty around you fills you up in more ways then one. This season is so enriching for you. So blessed to read it all. You are reminding and filling me up too!

    -JV

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    1. Thank you so much JV, gosh, I am always so humbled and touched by your generous responses. Thank you for taking the time every week to read these crazy ramblings of mine! it really means a lot. you’re a great friend! hope you have an awesome weekend 🙂 hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. These ramblings are encouraging and well-constructed! I am uplifted by them. Thank-you for taking the time to write to us as you endure such a vivacious journey. It is so great also see you getting filled where you are currently, because you pour out so much “You can’t pour out from an empty cup.”One of my favorite quotes.

        Feel free to stop by my blog to hear more of my voice. Encouragement is my specialty.

        You’re incredible!!

        -JV

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  32. Maybe, the distance and self reflection helped you when you were needed back at home. To assist without the bothers of the past, there. Although, now you can find a boyfriend and a fancy high stress job, maybe separately. Maybe together.

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      1. I spent most of my life wandering and wondering. Untethered from social graces. I’m glad it’s good for something.

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      3. Hmm, isn’t it interesting that wisdom doesn’t arise from being inside the culture but from standing outside of it. Looking in.

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      9. Time is everywhere. 😀 I was supposed to work tonight. They cancelled so, now I have time. Also. haha Oh well.

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      11. Dr Debbie Hall at Ohio State is doing trials. It seems, for stroke patients and rehabilitation its in your area maybe it is worth a look.

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  33. I love reading your posts … they’re so encouraging and challenging. I’ve been praying for you as you help your Mum, and for your Mum too as she recovers. Your presence will be helping more than you can ever imagine. God bless. x

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    1. Thank you so much for your prayers, it means so so much. Yeah, I am really grateful for this time together with my family. I know i will look back someday and cherish this time…in fact, i already do 🙂 Thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

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  35. Wow. Your writing is gorgeous. You’ve poignantly captured such deep emotions around the passing of time, and helped us reflect too on how seasons of “pouring out” can become seasons of filling-up. Praying that you’d continue to see God’s hand in everything, and continually trust in his timing and provision.

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  36. Hi! I have posted some comments above but wanted to tell you that I am an Ohio Buckeye as well! I live in between Cleveland and Columbus not too far from where they filmed the movie Shawshank Redemption. The prison is on my way to town. Looking forward to following your BLOGS. I am Catholic also. HUGZ Just love reading your words. Thanks to all who inspire us through this blog. God bless.

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  38. It goes without saying that you have a lot to offer. God is using you in a way that you probably never imagined. But His ways and thoughts are higher than ours which means in the end you’ll receive a crown of glory you never imagined. God’s continued blessings will abound in your life. As they say…”wait for it.” Blessings to you this day.

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  39. Caralyn…this piece is wonderful…the days in the wilderness are never lost…when you think you are all alone, later you know those days were the days GOD was overflowing on you….(pardon my expression, can’t find a better way to say it!)

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  41. ..and like i wrote about you in a different article of yours: the ability to postpone, due to the care for another, your dreams and passions is one of the best features about any human being. why? no greater love has a man than to lay down his life for another! and your skills as a nanny came in handy, didn’t they? and this you do everyday. i pray you find your dreams multiplied….cause you just blessed many with your write up, myself included! and may you find your handsome, dashing “boaz, Brad pitt combo” right there under your nose in Ohio!!! God bless you real good. amen.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind word and encouragement! I was so touched by this. You’re right, they did come in handy!! Thanks for the prayers 🙂 haha yes! That would be best case scenario! Haha Hugs and love xox

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  45. Yes , 1000 times Yes! This is the kind of response I have been waiting for from you. What I mean by that is now I can see from your writing that you are gaining a much deeper relationship with God than you ever have in the concrete jungle that is to say New York and I for one welcome that simple and yet effective post. In fact I give 5/5 stars for the very elegant narrative that you so gracious typed out that would made Beverly Lewis’ Twitter feed green with envy and J.K. Rowling’s twitter feed would blue with sadness because well She didn’t support Mr, President Donald Trump… We DID! By The Way you know what else is funny, yesterday well you were writing about the passing of time, I was writing about the seasons.. Check it out…. Bring your friends too! https://nerdfornews.com/2017/03/03/two-seasons-of-faith-part-1-summertime-success/

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  47. What a lovely post.. and has really given me some things to think about. I have never thought about the inherent “receptiveness” of me as a woman.. and how that relates to my own propensity to let other things come in and fill me entirely, sweeping away everything else in the process.. Also, how this relates to my own ideas of God. Really thought provoking stuff, thank you 🙂

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  49. Beautiful post. Looking out windows and listening to conversations lead to some amazing discoveries. 🙂 I understand that chilling realization that time is passing, but what God showed you…how he is refilling you, that is very warming, and very encouraging. Also being home with family, that’s priceless.

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  50. The phrase “passing the time” sounds boring, Caralyn. You’re making me feel, almost, sad. I needed a pick-me-up after my nightmare this morning. Oh, well, I haven’t written yet. That’ll probably do it.

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      1. Yea, I hope so, too. Gotta go. My hour is up. Have a better-than “passing the time” day.

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