Seeing RED 

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

*sigh* This post is going to be difficult to write.

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The saying goes, never judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes…or something like that.

And I’ve learned over the years that as much as I hate those cliched little nuggets, they actually hold a lot of truth. Stand the test of time.

I’ve been wanting to respond to my recent post on Feminism for a while now. It garnered quite the diverse feedback. And I appreciate that so much. One of the cool things about an online community like this is that people bring with them all their experiences and perspectives. We all are on different journeys, and I sincerely enjoy learning and listening to every person.

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After that last post, there were numerous reflections that took offense at my statements about motherhood:

The very essence of being female is the ability to bear children. Bring life into the world. That is the one and only thing that is uniquely female. That is the aspect of being a woman that is what should be celebrated and cherished and protected. And, in the name of feminism, we’re fighting to squelch that? Fighting to suppress that exclusively female gift? That, in my opinion, is the exact opposite of feminism.

But I’ve wanted to respond to the backlash I received from this very statement. It’s taken me this long, because honestly, my heart has been hurt by many of these replies, and it has taken me a little extra time to muster the courage to respond.

As you all are very well aware, I had a severe case of anorexia in high school, and then an equally dire relapse in college.

But there’s a dirty little secret about anorexia that not many people realize, and that I have personally not shared yet. But there is a devastating consequence of this disease that many sufferers experience, even after they are “healed.”

And that’s…

Infertility.

And typing that out, my heart is just heavy with devastation. It’s one of those things that I’ve just locked away in a box and thrown away the key. Figuring that if I never uttered it, it wouldn’t actually be true. Ignorance…or rather, denial…is bliss.

But the fact is, here I am a mid twenty-something, and I’ve never menstruated.


I developed anorexia right on the cusp of puberty in high school. And at the same time, I was simultaneously diagnosed with ulcerative colitis – an incurable autoimmune disease.

So it was really the “perfect storm” of my body truly fighting to stay alive, that that part of my development just never happened.

So when I talk about women being the crown of creation, and that motherhood is the essence of womankind, it is coming from a heart that has mourned that gift. A heart that breaks that I will not be able to offer that gift to my husband. My family. Myself.

But a heart that knows that God will make me a mother one way or another. God has put that longing in my heart, and will not let it go to waste. There are other forms of motherhood : adoption, spiritual motherhood, fostering love for my nieces and other children in my life.

And I don’t put a miracle past God either.

Not being able to bear children – whether through infertility, menopause, life situation, what-have-you…that does not mean that you are not fully female, as many people assumed I was proposing.

Far from it.

And I bet those women will tell you that those “mothering” qualities have been lived out in other, nearly-as-fullfilling ways.

And I know that that yearning and loss my heart has wrestled with, has added to the depth and character of my own feminine qualities. It has given me a perspective that I bring to each and every encounter I have. It is a “bag” – or a jewel, rather – that I carry with me on my journey.

So that, like in this community, we can all come together and collective converse, coming from different paths with different perspectives.

And that, is one of mine to offer.

Why am I pro-life?

Because my heart has mourned the loss of truly, the life that I am not able to carry into this world.

The life that makes a woman a mother.

The life that makes a woman’s love life-giving. 

The life that is the result of our feminine power.


God will not forsake the love I long to give. Not to a future husband. Not to a future child. Perhaps my motherhood role will just look slightly different. But in no way does it decrease my worth. Make me any less of a woman.

I may feel that at times.

But God will make beauty from ashes.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

625 thoughts on “Seeing RED ”

  1. WEll don’t be on both posts. I’ve just been made infertile due to medical treatment and I didn’t take any offence at your first post at all. Your respectful handling of the topics and responses is a breath of fresh air

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much Sherri. I’m so sorry you can so personally relate. thank you for your kind and gentle words. Hang in there. I know that news is challenging to receive. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. big hugs xox

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  2. My heart dropped as I read this. I’m so glad that you have had the courage to share. This is such a hard topic. It is amazing how you have relied on God through this. Thanks for sharing ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Rebekah. Yeah, this is one of the sides of ED that often gets overlooked, but that has devastating consequences…even after you’ve been healthy and strong in recovery for nearly 10 years. I appreciate your kind words. big hugs xox

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      1. I was never aware of this until you posted this. It really sheds light on something that doesn’t get talked about. I know I’ve said already but thank you so much for sharing this!!

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    2. The Lord is gracious and. compassionate..
      good to all…
      faithful to all his promises…
      loving toward all He has made …
      righteous in all his ways …
      near to all you call on him..
      watches over all who love him …

      my mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.

      Psalm 145

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  3. What an elegant response in the midst of your own mourning and pain. Thank you. As a man, when we were not able to have our own children, I had to face that reality. We really never want to. Adoption was the route we took. Many blessings and challenges over the past 39 years in that path. Occasionally I have wondered, what would it have been like to have my own biological children. I’ll never know, but thanks to God I don’t have to live in that wondering condition. I am father to two men (in mid 40s) five grandchildren, and one great grandchild.

    You have so much to offer people. I am really glad you are writing about this. And again, thank you

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks friend. I appreciate you sharing your story. Gosh, what blessings God poured out to you through that challenge. I am so glad that you were able to have such a beautiful family. God really is good. thanks again for the encouragement. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve been here. I’ve talked a lot about fertility when it comes to certain Christian topics that spark controversy and it is never an easy minefield to travel through.

    I don’t say this to give you false hope, but I was supposed to be infertile as well. I wasn’t, but because of what I had done to my body with anorexia, it was an extremely difficult and dangerous pregnancy. My body never recovered from the lack of mineral storages that resulted from the age I was when the disease first took over.

    Don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong to feel sad about potentially not being able to have children. There can be great joy and pain on both sides of the fence.

    Focus on what is important: the vocation God has already given you. He’s in control, not us (thank Him, literally), and not anorexia.

    Praying for you, as always. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this, Rebecca. Gosh, what a beautiful thing. So much hope here. And I will cling to that. Thank you for sharing this. Truly. I am incredibly uplifted by this. And I am so happy that you were able to have a child. God is so so good! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ❤ I know it probably sounds like crappy advice on the internet, but I really do mean it. You have an amazing community here and your true fans know your intentions. Don't worry about the rest. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. hahah no no not at all! no crappy advice here!! I am truly touched by your gentle spirit and friendship — which, sounds mighty cheesy, but it is the absolute truth. Thanks again. you are a blessing to me, Rebecca. hugs xox

        Liked by 1 person

  5. So sorry you had to endure such comments, we are all so quick to judge without knowing the circumstances behind our words!
    Doubt it helps but I grew up with a girl who like you had ED and didn’t menstruate. She fell for my neighbour and they decided to get all the professional help possible both to ‘cure’ her ED and to hopefully get her fertile. Long story short they succeeded in both! She has five healthy happy children and hasn’t looked back. That family gives her the courage to never relapse … pray you might have a similar outcome one day. It is possible!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. You are so brave to share all of that. You are absolutely right – God didn’t plant the seed of love for a child without making a way for that growth. I know you already do, but hold onto that. And in the meantime, many of us will pray for you… for that someday baby to fill your arms and heart.

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    1. Thank you so much Christine. I think you’re right – I am going to trust in His divine plan. Because He will work all things together for good. Thank you for your prayers. it means the absolute world. you are a blessing to me 🙂 hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh, dear one, I am so saddened by this revelation. You present such courage to us, and at the same time affirm that to be feminine is as much in the spirit as in gender. Please be of good heart and know that you are beloved by God, who has tendered to you gifts of intelligence and compassion that should please any man, and bless the children that gather under your wings.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. My advice, for what that’s worth lol…the same prayer and thank you to God that I gave you about the husband. God give me the child you want me to have, and thank Him every prayer time after that 🙂 God bless you xoxo big hugs 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes, the prayer and the thanks, showing Him that you truly believe He heard you and faith that He will keep His promise to answer you 🙂 You deserve all the blessings that He wants to shower you with 🙂 Personally, I love torrential downpours of blessing myself 😉

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  11. Oh, dearheart. Never ever doubt that you will be a terrific mother, in whatever way it manifests. All things are possible, after all. And there are LOTS of people on this earth who need Moms, big time. I have always thought that that very thing might be the most important of all. (A good friend raised her nieces by marriage after their parents death. She is most definitely their mother.) And fulfilling every possible physical function does not EVEN define anybody. Is every guy who can’t bench press a ridiculous number of pounds not a man? Perhaps a too trifling comparison but i hope you get it. We disagree to a certain extent but I respect your thought and soul process a lot. You will do the right thing, and good will come of it! *bear hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much friend. Gosh, you are so kind with your words. i am so touched. You’re right, there are lots of children who need good parents. Wow, what a gift your friend gave to her nieces. that’s so beautiful. you’re right. thanks for this wonderful encouragement. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  12. My friend, I want to apologize if, in any way, what I shared with your last post disrespected or wounded you or some how made you feel less than enough. I don’t think I really touched on that but sometimes my typing gets ahead of my brain so if I was thoughtless or ignorant, I ask for your forgiveness. If I did offend, I will gladly do whatever I can in my power to make amends (that offer has little to no monetary value… sorry)
    I also want to say that I am hearing your pain now and my heart aches with yours. I do understand loss and grieving but I can’t even imagine your pain. I do believe God honours the heartfelt cry and our willingness to love so I will add my prayers to yours trusting confidently that your Good Good Father will do the most loving work he can do in your life. Meanwhile, I want to affirm your previous statement about womanhood but also remind you that your womanness, your worth, your value, and everything you are is first found in the loving hands of God who has never forsaken you and is loving you into everything you were created to be.
    On a side note, it’s nice to know you are a mid-twenty-something. I am emotionally stunted in my mid-twenties. Now we have common ground!

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    1. Hi Brad, oh no no, nothing you said hurt me at all! Truly! I am always grateful to read your words. I always learn a thing or two 😉 Thank you for this beautiful encouragement and for your prayers. I think you’re right, God *IS* good, and He is capable of turning even the darkness into light. That’s so true – He has never and will never forsake me, or you, or any of us 🙂 Thanks again, Brad. And again – no worries! I loved our volley about that last post!! It was great fun 🙂 have a great night xoxox

      Liked by 2 people

  13. I love what you wrote that you where so wronged for I agree in every word you wrote . I am so upset with people who cannot keep their nasty opinions to themselves . I am so sorry for what was taken away from you but where God is concerned you will be a mother he and you will make that happen . hugs hon

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    1. Thank you so much, friend. I really appreciate that. I think you’re right – God has a plan – and a *good* one at that. And it is unfolding as we speak. I just have to trust and be patient and remember His sovereignty and goodness. Thanks again for the encouragement. it means a lot. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  14. May God continue to comfort you, and work in you. There aren’t many people called to adoption, and I’m not saying you are, but it is such a beautiful gift. Beyond words really. I’m sorry you were hurt but thank you for courage! Did you know you were courageous?

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  17. I often read your blog. I’m also- fiercely feminist. Your post surprised me… but I’m glad I held my tongue. Now I understand. We all have feelings based on our own experiences ❤️ I have a strong feeling that you are a wonderful and caring person, I hope that someday you cradle a baby girl. I bet at that point feminism may look a bit differently to you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend! Thanks for saying that. And thank you for your kind words. What a beautiful thought. I think you’re right. It may look a bit different holding a baby girl of my own. Gosh, that would be an amazing day 🙂 So glad you stopped by and shared your heart 🙂 Big hugs to you xox

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  20. I”m stunned that some were offended by that post….. I thought that post was dead on and beautiful… then again , these days, all you have to do is sneeze and someone’s offended… I could not have children due to illness but I experienced motherhood and still do through my two grown up nephews and my grown up niece all if which I helped to raise… So as you know, there are many forms of motherhood and YES! That is what sets us apart.. Please don’t take the criticism to heart.. The majority of the time, the one criticizing is not happy with themselves, not you….

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much Robyn, for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you can so personally relate. It makes my heart happy to know that you got to be a mother to your nephews and niece. They are lucky to have such a wonderful woman in their lives. Thanks again for your encouragement. big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  21. I don’t even know what to say. I feel your sadness. Thank you for being so open about this deeply personal and painful situation. Most often, there is more to someone’s story than most people know about. I can easily tell that you are a loving, giving woman, and maybe motherhood may look different than you thought it would. But it definitely does not decrease your worth! xx

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  22. First, let me say you handle a very personal subject and obviously controversial subject … to some … with such dignity and grace seldom see by someone of your years. Quite frankly, not many far more senior would have handle it as well as you have.

    Secondly, why am I following a feminist blog? Because those who don’t open their minds to other opinions and ways of thinking will never be free of the chains that hold them back, and will always be a hostage to ignorance. So, I persevere to be free … along with I truly like your outlook and writing.

    I have never been a mother, yet I have been a single parent raising two children, a foster parent and an adoptive parent, so although I can not feel what you feel, I can understand and be empathetic. How? Because raising children has been my life.

    With all that said, other than saying you are a wonderful example of what a mother should be … and I know some who haven’t half the strength and compassion you do and you would be a great mother to any child fortunate to be adopted or mentored by you. (Here comes the professional advice) I often reminded my writers not everyone will agree with and opinion (for those who would write an occasional oped) and if they didn’t get at least one piece of hate mail from a column they wrote … they weren’t doing their jobs.

    What you don’t realize, through your words, is you have stimulated conversation on a subject, you have educated those to another way of seeing a point of view … and your “Seeing Red,” has shown you will not back down. LOOK AT ALL YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED in one blog.

    All of those emotionally charged negative comments is just another link in the chain that holds people back.

    Keep your head and chin up, heart open … and a pen and blank sheet of paper handy … and, keep on writing.

    “It is far better to live in poverty as a writer and enrich the lives of others, than it is to be a rich writer and not have impacted the life of anyone.” ~John W. Peeler

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi John, thank you so much for sharing this thoughtful response. Gosh, I feel so empowered and uplifted by your words!! You are so generous with your words. Thank you!! I am seriously so touched. I think adoption is such a powerful and meaningful gift to give a child. And wow, what a beautiful family you have. thanks again for sharing this with me. have a wonderful evening xoxo

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      1. Thank you! You have a gift for words … let your life experiences past, present and future keep driving you … While sometime difficult, it, along with your way of writing will continue to serve you well. Wish I could have had a couple more writers like you when I was a newspaper editor. 🙂

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  24. My husband and I wanted six children and asked God for them. With two little boys in our home, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at the age of 24 and had to have a hysterectomy. We thought our dream was gone but we have always believed that God knows best. But the next year my sister began having severe heart problems and with her husband a long haul truck driver there was no one to raise her two little girls. God directed us to step into the breach. And a few years after that we were gifted with two more little boys who needed a home when their mother didn’t want them. Six children! Yes, God knows best and is faithful so keep placing your heart before Him. He can show you what He has in store and it will be awesome.

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    1. Oh friend, I am so sorry you’ve had to walk that health journey. But wow, isn’t God incredible in how He provides? What a beautiful family you have. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have blessed me with your words. I am so full of hope. thanks again. big hugs xox

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  25. As a male, and one who is unable to carry a child (although I was present at the creation once) I don’t feel that pull to motherhood that you do. That said, I can still be sorry for you that it has worked out this way.

    I have some thoughts on the original feminism article….but that can wait for another day.
    Keep writing sister
    xox

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    1. Hi Jeff, thanks for this. I really appreciate your kind words. I would love to hear them! I sincerely appreciate hearing all different perspectives and ideas! thanks for stopping by and for being awesome 🙂 hugs xox

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  26. Beauty for ashes & the oil of joy for mourning! Thank you so much for sharing your heart on this, it brings a whole new perspective to ED that I was not aware of (continuing to learn something new every day)!

    My wife and I were in somewhat of a similar boat; dealing with infertility for many years & grieving for the children we did not have. Praise God that He still heals today, and after 18 years He blessed us with our wonderful daughter. While my wife was healed enough for that. However, there has been much more grief following (and prior to) this as we have had to deal with numerous miscarriages since that time – a whole ‘nother type of grief…

    I pray God gives you peace and, if it is His will, ‘complete’ healing. In the meantime, it seems you are an awesome Auntie and I pray that interaction offers you solace.

    Blessings,
    Scott P.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. the oil of joy. I love that 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing part of your story, Scott. I’m so sorry that you and your wife can relate to this on such a personal level. What a journey the two of you have been on and my heart just goes out to you for all you have been through. But oh my gosh, I got choked up reading about how He blessed you both with your daughter! praise God! Thanks again for the encouragement and prayers. it means the world. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Thank you for putting yourself out “there” time and again. Thank you for so thoughtfully writing this post, addressing this heartbreak which so many carry. Thank you for your deep Faith that supplies all your readers with Hope. I am so sorry for what you have born, endured in your (young) lifetime. But I am so thankful for the beauty from ashes that God has created in you. You are a beautifully feminine woman!!! May God continue to inspire and give you Words. ❤

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    1. Thank you so much Mindy. You are so kind. Yeah, unfortunately, I know that a lot of people have to deal with journey. Yes, God can and will make beauty from the ashes. gosh, I am so touched by this. thanks again for your prayers and encouraging words. sending massive hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Being vulnerable to attacks from others, when being honest is a rare quality.
    I appreciate your honesty and being so transparent,… and many can learn from that. 😊
    (Huge hugs, and lots of love)

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Aw man… I’m sorry to here that. Yeah, I have heard how anorexia can have an impact on fertility. But if God wants to make you a mother, He will. Motherhood isn’t just restricted to being a birth mother. It can be via fostering or adopting… Heck right now my kids are the kids I’ve been teaching through my substitute teaching job. It’s not the same as being a mother, but I have seen through all the times I have been there for the kids how they have appreciated me being there for them and guiding them. So motherhood will come to you in many different forms. That’s what I have picked up on at least…

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    1. Thank you so much, friend. Those are such encouraging words. You’re right – I need to remember that God is sovereign and in control and wants only good things for His children. And He is capable of creating beauty from ashes. You’re right, there are lot of other ways to look at motherhood. I’m so glad that you’re able to be a mother to your students. They’re really lucky to have such a positive and loving influence in their lives 🙂 thanks again. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  30. I’m going to “out” myself a little bit on this one, only because I have a strong opinion about feminism…even as “weird” as most might find me. But as a bisexual male dealing with some gender-identity issues (not my words, but it seems to describe me accurately), I disagree with the premise that giving being pregnant is anything BUT female. It’s biologic, and redefining it for other reasons and call it a right, distorts the reality (UGh….and saying this almost makes me feel guilty). But it should be honored if a woman chooses (That word “choice” is intriguing) to bare children – isn’t that as much a right as anything else?

    I think feminism has ventured FAR from what the women’s suffrage movement intended. It was supposed to qualify a woman with dignity, it was meant to ensure that women had the same rights of protection under the law as men. To claim the inherent right of life as exclusive, seems to me that there is an underserved population, based on those decisions – the rights of the unborn.

    Now, I’ll shut up…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and perspective. I truly appreciate hearing the opinions and beliefs of everyone, even if they’re different from mine. We all are coming to the table with different experiences and perspectives, and that’s how we learn and grow. And that’s how respect and understanding is born 🙂 So thank you for offering yours 🙂 big hugs to you xo (And PS: I don’t find you weird at all 🙂 )

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I read posts like this and there is a pull at me…
        I grew up as a catholic, so the idea of life being a sanctity is still inside me…it’s a part of me. And even more so because I know my own mother was talked out of an abortion while she was carrying me.
        It hits really close to home for me.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Normally, I’m less subtle in begging for attention, but I wrote a piece today that I would be interested in your opinion, if you happen to have time.

        I have to admit, this post of yours today caused me to open my bible last night – something I have not done in years. my post is titled “Catholicity and My Sexuality”.

        Liked by 1 person

  32. Bravo for your honesty. I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering from this. But you are right, the Father has a plan for you regarding motherhood and It.Is.Awesome. I don’t have the same story, but am dealing with a lot of anger and loss from my husband making the *surgical* choice (with my begrudging aquiescence as a faithful Catholic…) to put the kabosh on having more children (we have four but I was open to more). And I DO feel somewhat disenfranchised as a woman because of my loss of the experience of “new motherhood” even though I realize that is not the case. But thank you for reminding me that God is there for me as a mother through all phases.
    God bless, and I am completely on board with your brand of feminism:-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It. Is. Awesome. Indeed! 🙂 thank you so much for this thoughtful reply. You’re right, God has a plan that is good, and I will trust Him. I’m sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. There really is such a biological yearning to be mothers. Deep in the fiber of our being. I’ll definitely keep you and your family in my prayers 🙂 thanks again for the encouragement. Big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  35. I love your two posts about feminism and the backlash. I didnt see the first one until I read this one and you are spot on.

    Women in the first world dont have to deal with the actual opression females in the third world endure — rape, spousal abuse being the norm, denial of education, FGM… the list goes on.

    I have to say it — in that respect women in the first world are downright spoled in that respect.

    And your commentary about a woman’s purpose struck me hard; I have hashimotos hypothyroidism (autoimmune disease where my body is attacking my thyroid) and my chances of becoming pregnant and staying pregnant are not that great. As a woman, our ability to produce life is precious. And when your told you may not be able to have children, it really puts things into perspective.

    Final note — knowing what kind of woman to be in the first world is difficult in that it seems every action or decision is scrutinized and criticized… and the people doing the criticising are other women. Women should lift each other up and be supportive. I see this all the time working in a female majority office — there is so much pettymongering, jealousy, personalization, and backstabbing. Seriously I just made a post about these two women being offended/annoyed at me getting up and using the fax machine…

    Cant make this up lol.

    If anything is keeping other women down, it’s not the “patriarchy”, its other women.

    Thank you for these two posts and your perspective. Dont let the negative comments bother you too much. You continue being the best person you can be and enjoy life without worring about the opinions of others.

    Hugs from afar and have a great rest of your night!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. I am absolutely standing and cheering! You’re so right! Women need to lift other women up! What truth in that! And thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that this hits home with you so personally. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. thanks for this awesome response and for taking the time to read my words! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  36. I am so sorry to hear that. Which is a really strange thing to say when you stop and think about it. It can be misinterpreted as “Gah! Why’d you tell me that??” (which, believe me, is completely NOT the case here).

    Sorry. Slight side track.

    All the same, I am sorry for your loss. But you never can tell what the future (and God) may hold for you. I’m hoping for all the best because you deserve it. 🙂

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      1. Thanks for the hugs! I have four daughters, aged 21 – 12. I follow your blog and send them posts from time to time because I want them to see that an authentic life, faithful to the teaching Church, is the fullest manifestation of sanctification. As St. Irenaeus said: “The glory of God is man fully alive.” I also send your posts to friends who teach young ladies at a local school. Know that your witness means a lot to many people, even if they don’t thank you or find the time to express their appreciation. Keep up the positive energy and continue your striving toward the good, the true, and the beautiful. May God continue to reward your efforts to do something consciously by elevating your own being into greater conformity with the glorious life of Our Savior. Peace!

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      2. Oh my gosh, I am so touched that you would send them to your daughters and friends! wow, i am just — so grateful 🙂 thank you again! This made my day 🙂 Thanks for the prayers. know that you and your daughters are in mine too 🙂 xox

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  38. Bless you sis for your courage, your vulnerability and your heart to “bare” it all and stand ‘naked’ before others. As you mourn over what may never be, take heart to know that as God reminded me in worship a few weeks ago, He is still the God of miracles! He can and does bring fruitfulness out of things and circumstances that seem barren or hopeless in such beautiful ways. Praying that He does an “Ephesians 3:20 blessing” in your life and that all things will work together for your good and His glory. ❤️

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    1. Thank you friend. Yeah, perhaps it’s a little crazy to share this kind of stuff on the internet! yikes! haha Yes! The tis so true – He can do the impossible. So I’m going to give Him the chance to do that! Thanks for this awesome encouragement. I am so uplifted. Thanks for the prayers. hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  39. You and I are similar. I have a disease and disorder that makes it hard to bear children because of the complications. I don’t want to go into it here, but I understand. You can message me if you ever need a friend. We have a different plan by God than most women. Nothing wrong with that.

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    1. Hi Stiina, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you can relate so personally. You’re right, a different plan , but a good plan. We can cling to that truth. 🙂 Thanks again for the kind words. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. big hugs to you xox

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  40. I love reading your honest words, the words that straight from the deepest point of your heart. It saddens me that you have to defend yourself. This is your blog, your words, feelings. This is a piece of you – raw, honest, and beautiful. This is your journey, your healing path. And you do not ever need permission to share you. If someone does not agree, it is their right, but it is YOUR right to share a part of yourself. But, it is not their right to bash you for your feelings.

    It’s ironic that people feel “offended” by things but have no problem attacking someone else with the excuse that they are exercising their freedom of speech, or that they are responding because they they were offended. Gone are the times where people acted like grownups and just move on.

    Don’t allow someone else’s shortcomings to dim your light. Continue to shine brightly and beautifully. You are inspiring to many.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thank you so much. That’s really kind of you say. Yeah, I definitely agree. can’t let these things get me down. And I agree, that is rather ironic. I guess that’s what I get for putting my feelings on the internet! haha thanks again for your encouragement and support. big hugs to you xox

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  41. You and are the same in many ways. I was anorexic for many years. I had fertility problems, immune problems etc. Let me just say that this very heartfelt and right on the money. I can relate. I must say if you catch up on my stories, you’ll find that I have very​ motherly experiences and 8 kids. . not one bilogical. Yet there is not one doubt in my mind that each of those children were meant to be mine. They just took another route to get to me. At times, I have felt less than because of my female problems but have also realized that God doesn’t see me as less than in any way. ❤️
    I’ve doing a daily blog. Please check it out and give me some feedback. Much love and respect. H

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    1. Hi Sadi, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you can relate so personally. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And wow – 8 children. That’s so beautiful. congratulations. That’s so true – and how special how your children came home. God is so good. I am so encouraged by this. And you’re right – definitely not “less than!” You are a jewel of great worth 🙂 cheesy but true. and you know what…i like cheesy 🙂 hehe Looking forward to read it! hugs xx

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      1. Thank you. You will have your family if it’s meant to be. It took me a very long time to understand that and it doesn’t make it easier. Just never quit believing. ❤️❤️❤️Hailee

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  42. Every time you share more I discover more about what a beautiful treasure to this world you are! Love light and hugs every day! Thank you for being you. You are amazing and incredible in ways that many will never reach. You touch me deeply and I am honored.

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    1. Hi Migueltio, thank you friend. Gosh, thank you for saying that. I am seriously so touched by your affirming words. I am so grateful that our paths crossed so many moons ago 🙂 You are a blessing to my! big big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  43. Good Evening,

    I think it’s sad you have to explain yourself to people who clearly didn’t care to ask why you said what you said. It’s funny how folks will jump up to attack someone they know nothing about for saying something that they clearly did not understand. I find this most sickening.

    I feel similarly to you but I don’t talk about it because I know people won’t understand and unfortunately no matter how much you explain, nothing you say can make people hear–truly hear what you are saying.

    About feminism…Feminism, to me, is subjective. It’s not about hating men it’s about having universal gender equality. For many women, it’s simply about being able to express themselves without being judged. Unfortunately, when expressing our thoughts we quickly come to the discovery that some women are just as perverse as hyper agressive males. They will attempt to silence you just as quickly and claim that they’re just trying to have a conversation.

    So basically, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

    Keep expressing yourself. It’s a good thing. And also, there is a woman I know of who hadn’t had her period in years. She ate flax seeds a lot. That seemed to fix that problem. I’m not sure if it will work for you. I’m not a doctor or anything. Just telling you what I’ve heard.

    Kyanna K.

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    1. Thank you so much Kyanna. I really appreciate your kind words. And that’s a really great perspective. Thanks for sharing those thoughts. I honestly love hearing different insights and ideas. i always learn so much from other people. so thank you for contributing to the conversation! really!!! flax seeds!!!! I’ll pick some up first thing tomorrow morning!!! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes! Homemade flax crackers are great. You can top them with all sorts of yummy goods. Peanut butter and honey or fruit jelly. You can make them savory. You can make them sweet. You can use the flax as a garnish. So many different things you can do with it! You’re such a sweetheart! Hugs!

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      2. Oh gosh, you’re making my mouth water! haha My mom puts some ground flax in her protein shake in the morning! I’ll have to give them a try! thanks again! i feel like this flax addition could be BIG! 🙂 haha sending much much love xoxo

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  45. I’ll give you a man’s perspective. My wife was a registered nurse and gave up being one to bear children. It didn’t take much to get her pregnant as we testified to with Irish Twins (11 sos apart). Along the way she became pregnant 5 times but only succeeded in having three live born kids. She mourned the two miscarriages as though they were full term. She was the essence of womanhood. Besides being a mother, a nurse, a sportsman, a jokester, she was kind, loving, brave, and a fashion plate too. She endured the disfiguration of a mastectomy at age forty, and then later survived a heart attack at age 63. She cared for a diabetic son, and nursed her oldest son back to health fear a terrible accident. Between all of that she put up with me, and made me feel like I was the most important person on the planet. If one does not call her a feminist, then I don’t know what feminism is.

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    1. wow, Joe. Thank you so much for sharing this. what an amazing woman. And that gives me so much hope. I’m so sorry to hear about the miscarriages the two of you had to journey through. I can only imagine the heartache and pain. i’m sending such big hugs. And thank you again for lifting my spirits. You are so good 🙂 xoxo

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  46. I love you. Hugs!!! I wish I was ten years younger, I would totally surrogate for you. But there are many beautiful babies to adopt when that time comes. God will provide as He loves to do. I love you!

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  49. I’m so sorry, I had no idea, but it makes perfect sense why you’re pro-life now. I’m actually a little heartbroken reading this. I just don’t know what to say.

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    1. Aw, thank you girlie. Yeah, it’s so weird to say it out loud. Because honestly, I have lived knowing this, really my whole adult life. And it has been something that I’ve had to come to terms with, but I guess it has shaped who I am in more ways than I realize. I do have so much hope though. Because it’s not the end of the story. If it were, it would be really sad, but it is just the beginning of one. And I’m excited to see how God writes the rest of it 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. You are truly a blessing to me! hope you have a great weekend. sending jumbo hugs xxox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome ❤️ you’re right, it’s just the beginning of your story. Who knows what God has in plan for you? I’m sure it will be wonderful 🙂

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