Seeing RED 

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

*sigh* This post is going to be difficult to write.

giphy-2

The saying goes, never judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes…or something like that.

And I’ve learned over the years that as much as I hate those cliched little nuggets, they actually hold a lot of truth. Stand the test of time.

I’ve been wanting to respond to my recent post on Feminism for a while now. It garnered quite the diverse feedback. And I appreciate that so much. One of the cool things about an online community like this is that people bring with them all their experiences and perspectives. We all are on different journeys, and I sincerely enjoy learning and listening to every person.

img_7334-1

After that last post, there were numerous reflections that took offense at my statements about motherhood:

The very essence of being female is the ability to bear children. Bring life into the world. That is the one and only thing that is uniquely female. That is the aspect of being a woman that is what should be celebrated and cherished and protected. And, in the name of feminism, we’re fighting to squelch that? Fighting to suppress that exclusively female gift? That, in my opinion, is the exact opposite of feminism.

But I’ve wanted to respond to the backlash I received from this very statement. It’s taken me this long, because honestly, my heart has been hurt by many of these replies, and it has taken me a little extra time to muster the courage to respond.

As you all are very well aware, I had a severe case of anorexia in high school, and then an equally dire relapse in college.

But there’s a dirty little secret about anorexia that not many people realize, and that I have personally not shared yet. But there is a devastating consequence of this disease that many sufferers experience, even after they are “healed.”

And that’s…

Infertility.

And typing that out, my heart is just heavy with devastation. It’s one of those things that I’ve just locked away in a box and thrown away the key. Figuring that if I never uttered it, it wouldn’t actually be true. Ignorance…or rather, denial…is bliss.

But the fact is, here I am a mid twenty-something, and I’ve never menstruated.


I developed anorexia right on the cusp of puberty in high school. And at the same time, I was simultaneously diagnosed with ulcerative colitis – an incurable autoimmune disease.

So it was really the “perfect storm” of my body truly fighting to stay alive, that that part of my development just never happened.

So when I talk about women being the crown of creation, and that motherhood is the essence of womankind, it is coming from a heart that has mourned that gift. A heart that breaks that I will not be able to offer that gift to my husband. My family. Myself.

But a heart that knows that God will make me a mother one way or another. God has put that longing in my heart, and will not let it go to waste. There are other forms of motherhood : adoption, spiritual motherhood, fostering love for my nieces and other children in my life.

And I don’t put a miracle past God either.

Not being able to bear children – whether through infertility, menopause, life situation, what-have-you…that does not mean that you are not fully female, as many people assumed I was proposing.

Far from it.

And I bet those women will tell you that those “mothering” qualities have been lived out in other, nearly-as-fullfilling ways.

And I know that that yearning and loss my heart has wrestled with, has added to the depth and character of my own feminine qualities. It has given me a perspective that I bring to each and every encounter I have. It is a “bag” – or a jewel, rather – that I carry with me on my journey.

So that, like in this community, we can all come together and collective converse, coming from different paths with different perspectives.

And that, is one of mine to offer.

Why am I pro-life?

Because my heart has mourned the loss of truly, the life that I am not able to carry into this world.

The life that makes a woman a mother.

The life that makes a woman’s love life-giving. 

The life that is the result of our feminine power.


God will not forsake the love I long to give. Not to a future husband. Not to a future child. Perhaps my motherhood role will just look slightly different. But in no way does it decrease my worth. Make me any less of a woman.

I may feel that at times.

But God will make beauty from ashes.

________________________________________________________________
Stay Connected!
@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

A big thank you to my new sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

Please check out my affiliate partners! Doing so helps you, and it helps me 🙂 Amazon, Reebok, NatureBox, Sunbasket, WPengine Webhosting, Warby Parker, Masterclass

patreon

Thank you for considering supporting BBB on Patreon! You make this blog possible 🙂

Published by

Unknown's avatar

beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

625 thoughts on “Seeing RED ”

  1. Goddess! You are complete, you are whole, there is no fault in you. You are infinitely beautiful, beautiful, beautiful 😉 If a man loves you, he will see you in THAT light. You are perfectly imperfect.

    Like

  2. Hey BBB, I’ve been following your blog for a while now and admire many of your posts, if not always agree on content. You always bring a different point of view for me to consider, and that’s what I love most about it <3.

    I am glad you have posted this followup on your previous post. For me, that line did make me immensely sad. Our words are so powerful, beyond what we could ever dream. Knowing WHY we believe so strongly the way we do is part of explaining how we strongly believe in it. Without that perspective, the article came across so closed off to the experience of so many. The wounds were not there for us to see the grief behind your story, and the power behind those words.

    There is still much I disagree with what you posted, but that is because my experience is so far removed from yours. My struggles are vastly different, as is the way I practice and see faith. Neither views are right or wrong, life has simply given us a different perspective and a different way of fulfilling God's purpose. I hope in future in writing, you keep showing the vulnerability that brings so much depth to your writing, and a wisdom and experience that others may not be used to in their lives.

    One last point: I am pro-life but not anti-abortion. The pro-life movement is very US-centric. It does not consider the traumatic experiences of women from the third world. I still believe in feminism, but I never fully believed in the western version of it, that's all :). My ideas of feminism do not neatly fit into republican versus democrat, or even liberal versus labor here in Australia. And I think when we remove these labels, when we step away from what we THINK the other person believes, we will see that there is more that unites than divides. And we should focus on that so we can have a proper, real and meaningful conversation about the kind of world we are bringing children into.
    ❤ Farah

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much! I’m so glad that you enjoy it! and isn’t that the best part about dialogues – that we all bring our different thoughts and perspectives to the conversation! That breeds understanding and respect, so thank you for that! big big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  3. hey hey

    Learn something new about you every time I read one of your posts, and this seems to be causing you some pain because of what others have responded with. However, you are doing what God loves to see out of every one of His children. And it’s something that John Piper sums up beautifully when he goes into a rant about the Prosperity Gospel, aka “health and wealth” gospel. One line speaks to me out of all of it–Piper says that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him in the midst of loss and pain. When we are feeling that extreme amount of pain, and we tell God that He is enough in our lives, and that we trust Him through all of that, that brings us extremely close to Him in our relationship. You do you Caralyn, draw near to God and He WILL draw near to you, and don’t let others get you down. 🙂

    All my prayers,

    Tom

    Like

    1. Wow, Tom, this is an incredible response. thank you so much. First of all, I so appreciate your prayers. it really means the world. and gosh, what a powerful and true statement! Yes! I have definitely found that to be true – that He is near to the brokenhearted and suffering. truly. God is good and loves to love His kids 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and for this wonderful encouragement. you’re a blessing to me 🙂 big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome Caralyn, keep your chin up! I’m dealing with a big struggle right now and so I kind of know what you’re feeling in regards to wanting and desiring something from God.

        Like

      3. I think the hardest thing we’re called to do in our faith is to practice patience and trust in His goodness when we don’t understand the delay or the detour. That’s my biggest struggle. And I think for me it boils down to wanting control. That’s what I’ve got to work on. Surrendering that and practicing radical and blind trust.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Exactly. Patience is never a strong suit for anyone. It’s the only thing that you can become good at over time. And sometimes, God delays the greatest blessings for us so that we might practice patience and understand the value of those great blessings. If you’d like to know what I’m struggling with, just read my recent post and how God just kind of reminded me of all that. Doesn’t make the struggle easier, but by waiting, we appreciate those great blessings even more. And the trust is radical, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it blind. God, in His infinite wisdom, made a fearful and wonderful creation such as you, and He has given you reason upon reason upon reason to trust in Him. Same for me. Trust me, I’m right there with you in that struggle, Caralyn, I’d like it now but God is saying not yet to my desire, so I’m getting a tad frustrated with that response. And I yell at God for it, but my love and trust in Him does not waver.

        Like

      5. One of the best sermons I ever heard was about how a delay is not a denial. I loved that. it really spoke to me. you’re right, that makes the struggle easier. thanks again friend. big big hugs xox

        Like

      6. Very true! Still waiting is never easy. But God only has our good in mind! Keep your chin up Caralyn, God has great blessings in store for you 🙂

        Right back at you Caralyn and all muy prayers

        Tom

        Like

  4. Just like you said, there’s more than one way to have children. Many babies in need would be blessed to have you as a mother one day. Stay strong beautiful girl!

    Like

  5. This is one of the most powerful, honest, humble and thought-provoking blog entry I have read ❤ I was very scared of what the long term damage might be after my battle with both anorexia and bulimia, and I am truly thankful that I was able to be in a position after recovery to fall pregnant. You are so right, being a mother comes in more shapes than a biological one. Thank you so much for sharing this post!

    Like

  6. Wave links are different but. I feel your vibe and appreciate you stopping in on my blog. Your words are welcomed and I will get deeper into the things you’ve written about. What I have read is mentally expansive.

    Like

  9. Wow, very inspiring.. i have chills after reading. I also suffer from that issue. I have endometriosis, and have been told my chances of conceiving are extremely low; I’m new to the blogging world, but I’m so happy to have found your blog. We deal with some of the same issues and I love reading your story..
    xoxo

    Like

    1. Thank you so much friend. I’m so sorry that you can so personally relate. Gosh, I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending all my love 🙂 and welcome to the wonderful world of blogging! Big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  11. This morning, I was a lector at mass, and it was my job to give the first reading. “Thus says the Lord God: O my people, I will open your graves and have you rise from them… I will put my spirit i you that you may live… I have promised, and I will do it, says the Lord.” It made me think of you and of your blog – Beauty Beyond Bones. I was in mass, and I was thinking about vocation. I still don’t know what God is calling me to do. A woman that I met on a retreat in December told me that one of the monks was fond of saying, “What you are doing right now, where you are right now, that is where God is calling you.” When she said that, I felt my heart drop. Is this all there is? I feel like I am living so small. I want to love God better and to serve him with my whole heart. I was thinking about this, and I was thinking about you and your own spiritual journey, which you write about so openly and honestly for all the world to read. Even while you are searching for your own answers, you are serving God, increasing his glory, doing his work, praising his name, and spreading his love. Thank you for deepening my faith and for giving me so much to reflect on.

    You are right to trust that God will find a way to bring your life to fulfillment. It may be in a way that is completely unexpected, or it may be in a way that is very expected, but whatever it is, it will be good, because you trust him so much. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh Lulu, can I just tell you: I am so moved by this. Wow. I am no kidding choked up, reading this. Because I had that same reaction to the first reading! Im in the car in the way home from mass and was actually just Finished reflecting on it! I follow along in the missellette (so I can keep tabs on the lectors 😉 😉 😉 juuuuuust kidding) but I think it helps me to hear and see the words, and that first reading really hit me hard. Because God did save me from the grave. Literally. And it was so moving and I was filled with so much gratitude for life. And for health. And thank you for thinking of me and for your incredibly kind words. And as for Feeling like you’re living small, I struggle with that feeling too. And I definitely get that same heart drop from the monk’s comment. But you know what, I guess what I have to think is that what we’re doing right now is preparing us for something. Maybe not something crazy grandiose but *something.* And what we’re doing in these days, is leading up to something. It’s practice. It’s conditioning. Just like in sports. But your life has such a beautiful impact on those you interact with, with your compassion and positivity. Just think about the lectoring today- you were able to bring the word of God alive to those people today with you inflection and poise. And just a funny thing – at church today they were pleading for people during the announcements to be lectors, saying how much the church needed people to read! What you’re doing matters! 🙂 ok this is long now but sending so much love and hugs. You rock my friend xox

      Liked by 1 person

  12. God can produce a miracle for you and your future husband. Testimonies exist of women whose virginity was restored (with medical verification), so opening a woman’s womb is no challenge for Papa God! He has a history of doing that: Sarai, Rebekah, Rachel, Manoah’s wife (Samson’s mother), Hannah (Samuel’s mother), a wealthy woman from Shunem, and Elisabeth (John the Baptist’s mother) all have Biblically-noted cases of infertility that were overcome by the Lion of Judah. If your desires are in line with His will, it will come to pass!

    http://stronginfaith.org/article.php?page=37

    Like

  13. My heart goes out to you, my friend. I know someone who didn’t menstruate for several years because of anorexia, but later when she put on some weight, she began to menstruate. I don’t know if that will be the case for you or not, but I do pray the Lord will answer the longings of your heart to “mother” in some capacity. You are precious to him, and no trial you go through will be wasted, but he will use it for his glory and your good.

    Like

  14. This was a great read. You’re outlook is extremely positive with what you’ve dealt with in the past. Like another cliché statement goes, “Everything happens for a reason”. While the known reason of that happening to you may not be known, it has given you the courage to openly express and show that you’ve gone through a major life crisis but still hold an optomistic outlook on your life to come. I congratulate you on that

    Like

    1. Thanks so much friend. I do love that statement too. I’m a sucker for cliches…they’re true for a reason! That’s so true, gotta stay positive, because therein lies the hope. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Proud of you for the things you speak, I may not agree with all things you write and I admit there are some post that I haven’t been keen on. But I love you enough to admit that. As with having children is concerned I’m sure God has a plan, we know he wasn’t the one who dealt you this hand, but he can surely heal you or has other plans i.e. adoption 💟 sending you lots of love and blessings

    Like

    1. Thanks so much Benjamin 🙂 I know you’re right – God does have a plan and I trust that it is good 🙂 and I appreciate you continuing to read my blog:) you’re a great friend and I’m very grateful to have you “in” my life!! Hugs and love xox

      Like

      1. Same goes for you Caralyn 💟 think I might be a bit much for you in reality 😂 can you imagine if we got to talk face 2 face 😂

        Like

      3. Ahhh no, currently lent-ing that 😭 would love to be able to Skype you but I can be a shy person lol

        Like

  16. Thank you for your transparency and honesty. It is a beautiful post, and I admire your conclusions.

    The Holocaust memorial in Israel is called Yad VaShem – literally “a hand and a name” but the word hand in Biblical Hebrew carried the meaning of monument. So the sense of the memorial is to keep alive the memory of those who were exterminated. It comes from this verse in Isaiah 56 (bear with me here…)

    “Do not let the foreigner joined to the Lord say,
    ‘The Lord will surely separate me from his people’;
    and do not let the eunuch say,
    ‘I am just a dry tree.’
    For thus says the Lord:
    To the eunuchs who keep my sabbaths,
    who choose the things that please me
    and hold fast my covenant,
    I will give, in my house and within my walls,
    a monument and a name (yad vashem)
    better than sons and daughters;
    I will give them an everlasting name
    that shall not be cut off.”

    To a culture that hinged identity and well being upon fertility, God says, “Even those who are not fertile shall be my people.”

    Like

  17. I was anorexic for a bit in high school and college also, and infertility was one of my fears. Thankfully that hasn’t been an issue for me, but my heart hurts for you. But I do know that if God plans for you to be a mother, in whatever way, that He will bring it about. No doubts.

    Like

  18. red(your emotion) + yellow(my hug to you) = orange(warm & soothing)
    I am glad you took time to be with your feelings regarding the feedback you received. I am proud of your courage, to not let them define you & clarify the depth in what you originally wrote. And I am grateful that you continue to trust in God’s wisdom, as you place your trust in Him to paint the picture of what your vocation will look like. There is no doubt the finished portrait will be a Masterpiece… Hugs & Blessings dear one.

    Like

    1. aw, thank you so much 🙂 You’re so kind to say that, Dawn. I really appreciate the encouragement. YOu’re right – He is the master artist and is creating a beautiful paining. I just need to trust and not judge the process before it’s finished ! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Hi, BBB,
    You Liked my blog post and I wanted to check out your site and return the favor. You have a lovely take on life and I admire and respect anyone who is fearless enough to bear their vulnerability in the face of disapproval.

    That your history makes motherhood seem so distant is something that puts me in mind of so many who take parenting for granted. The physical creation of a new life, while powerful in and of itself, is minuscule when compared to the act of actually being a mother — those who show up every day of a child’s lifetime to nurture, protect, encourage, love and educate. THAT’S the value you possess and the talent I’m confident you’ll exercise sometime soon.

    I sympathize with anyone who has been denied the ability to create in one way but who perseveres in finding how to create in other ways. We are multi-talented creatures and when one avenue is blocked to us, we are resourceful enough to discover another, and often more rewarding, detours.

    May you dismiss those who decry your choices. You do not make them for others. Your femininity, and even your humanity, is individual to you and requires approval from no one. Peace to you.

    Like

    1. Wow, Michael, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I really appreciate it. I got choked up reading about those longings in my heart to protect and nurture etc. I think you’re right, those will be exercised one way or another. thanks for the encouragement. hugs x

      Like

  21. Yours is a necessary voice to the conversation. 🙂 While, unfortunately, the issue is politicized… and we may be on opposite ends of that dreaded, forced, spectrum. In spirit… I agree. It is not an issue to be taken lightly. Thanks for stopping by…

    Wishing you all the best. (and remember, being a mother is more than giving birth…)

    Cheers. 🙂

    Like

    1. Gosh, thank you so much for your kind words. You’re right, there are many aspects to this, but the important thing is a constructive and respectful conversation 🙂 So thanks for stopping by and joining the dialogue! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Keep sharing that truth. When you stand for what’s right, the world will tell you you’re wrong. “But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you are blessed. “And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled.””
    ‭‭I Peter‬ ‭3:14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

    Like

  26. You are a strong and beautiful woman! I think you eloquently summed up the gift of motherhood as the essence of being female. We are natural nurturers, whether or not we have biological children. May God bless you to shine as his jewel.

    Like

  28. I am glad you wrote this. I wanted to respond to the previous post in question but I wasn’t sure how. You know I love you. I have commented often, so you know I have the utmost respect for your perspective and how you articulate it in writing. But that Feminism post left me befuddled (to put it as nicely as I can). Now I see there was something more going on.
    It’s difficult to have such a strong desire for something you know will probably never happen to you, and then see others who have it and don’t seem to appreciate it at all. I also made the decision to remain a virgin until marriage, i.e., save myself for the woman God meant for me. Now I believe I’ve found her, but it took so long it probably means I will never have children of my own. She cannot have children anymore, and even if she could, she doesn’t want to. I understand her reasons. I still want to marry her, but I am sad at the thought that my bloodline ends with me. Unless God pulls an Abraham-Sarah type miracle, and again, she would not want that.
    We had a conversation recently about a pregnant woman who confided to members of her family that she did not feel the love for this child or the joyful anticipation of giving birth that everyone said she would or should be feeling. She was not going to abort the baby, but she felt it was best if someone else raised it. My girlfriend talked about how people judge this woman for being selfish and said, “She’s not being selfish. She’s being honest.”
    Going back to that paragraph you quoted, I believe there was a beautiful vision of motherhood and childbirth behind it. From listening to women around me, I know it is true of many women’s experience. But not for every woman. Feminism came about because some women got tired of society telling them what they can and can’t do, or what they should feel and what they should want when they just don’t feel or want that. That does not mean they are evil or selfish or even unfeminine. It means they are human.
    But I can relate to this post, because I’m feeling the same at the thought of not having children of my own. I wonder why God put that desire in me only to leave it unfulfilled. I used to be angry at God for not providing what He had promised. But since I met my girlfriend, I can’t be angry. I can only be grateful. She may not be perfect, but except for that one detail, she’s perfect for me. And perhaps God has other ways to fulfill my desire for children. I now have a niece and nephew that I love like my own children. Maybe that is how that desire will be fulfilled. Or maybe my writings will teach and inspire others, and my readers will become my “children” in the same way Paul considered the people of his churches his children. I am open now to God’s purpose for me in ways I never have been, so I hope you are encouraged now. I pray that God will take this pain and turn it into a renewed purpose and meaning for your life, as He is doing for me.

    Like

    1. Hi David, thank you for sharing your heart. I’m sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. I will definitely keep you and your girlfriend in my thoughts and prayers. You’re right, God is capable of miracles, and loves to bless His children. And thanks for giving me a second chance after that feminism post. I’m sorry that it wasn’t quite up your cup of tea. I appreciate your prayers. Sending big hugs. x

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Dear BBB,

    Sorry that you took some flack for speaking the truth. We do live in times where even believers who mean we’ll have listen to the junk the world has fed us with about the roles of men & women. I think that is the hardest thing about these times us that those who stand with us, don’t get it. I pray for you as you navigate through your awesome journey and the Lord strengthen you all the way to the end. Keep living it!

    Gary On Thu, Mar 30, 2017 at 4:00 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “*sigh* This post is going to be difficult to > write. The saying goes, never judge a person until you walk a mile in their > shoes…or something like that. And I’ve learned over the years that as > much as I hate those cliched little nuggets, they actually” >

    Like

  31. Here’s the thing…there’s no judgement necessary in regards to your post about these sensitive topics. Men go through life never knowing the act of carrying a child and giving birth, yet that doesn’t remove us in the least from the experience of being a parent. Fertility isn’t a badge of honor or a curse for the lack there of. The only real measure that counts is waking to the acceptance of being your best self! No one but you can ever truly know this, so keep being the best self you can. That’s all there is😍

    Like

  32. I just love your honesty, how you put yourself out there and you’re not afraid to share your opinion. Great work.

    Like

  33. Being a mother is difficult, for some motherhood comes easy, but don’t deserve it, and one can become a mother without carrying a child, merely giving birth although traumatic or special in some cases, for me slightly traumatic doesn’t make you a mother, time and your journey does, and not being a mother does not make anyone a lesser being.

    Like

    1. Thanks for sharing this. There’s really a lot of truth to that. Motherhood is just as much a spiritual and emotional vocation as it is a physical. and it takes all different forms. i appreciate your encouragement. big hugs xo

      Like

  34. Tears filled my eyes as I read your slice. Your vulnerability was laid out there for all to see as you shared the death of a dream. God is all-loving, but that doesn’t diminish the grief we feel when our dreams die. I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing these tender parts of your heart with me. (I’m sending you a hug.)

    Like

  35. “All women are to called to be mothers, but all women are called to mother.” Stasi Eldredge.
    I felt sad reading this, but I totally believe God can make a miracle if it’ sin His will; and not missing the more general point of your statement that being a mother is a precious gift. Even as a kid, I always had motherly instincts, and I wanted to have kids. Of course I’m still not married, but I feel like any kids I know are sort of like my own, because I am still called to protect them and teach them and help them if they need it. I think it’s the amount of Love that makes you like a mother to someone, at least in heart, and not just who gave birth. Some women who never have children of their own are mothers to hundreds, like Mother Teresa, and some may just have one or two special children; and of course there are spiritual children. If it’s any encouragement, my mom once knew someone who only ever had one menstrual cycle (if I am remembering right), and yet still had kids. Keep the good posts coming.

    Like

    1. Oh I love that quote from Captivating. That was one of my favorite reads. Thanks for sharing your reflection. You’re so right – nothing takes all different forms, and not one is greater or more “female” than the other. And wow! That gives me so much hope about your mom’s friend! thanks for telling me that! have a great night! Big hugs xox

      Like

  36. Our stories shape who we are and what we believe and everyone’s story is different. That’s why I try to assume that I don’t know the story behind somebody’s day when I feel that they are grumpy, etc… when I pass them in daily life.
    My sister-in-law got pregnant on fertility treatment at month 7 (normally they do six months and the doctor said we’ll try 1 more time before we have to take a break.) That was her miracle baby… until she unexpectedly ended up pregnant over 5 years later with no medications. God is in the miracle business. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Friend,

    I pray that God will deeply encourage your heart today. Your cougage, transparently and dependence on Him has both inspired and encouraged my heart. My husband and I have adopted two children. I can tell you that they were truly birthed in my heart. He has a plan for your desire to parent. Praying the He will reveal that plan in His prefect way and timing.

    Blessings,
    Janelle

    Like

  39. I thought your last post was well written and just like this one incredibly brave.
    I’m sorry this experience has been a harrowing one, especially when you were open to differing opinions.

    Like

  40. Right on! By the way, the Genesis creation story (no matter how literally you interpret it), shows the core truths about the names of Adam & Eve. Adam simply means “man,” and Eve means, yes, the “mother of all living.” So humans (as a species?) are all “Adams” and loosely, all women are “Eves” (in that they have a motherly school of thought.) And remember, the two sides are linked by one rib.

    In fact, some people believe in a genetic concept called “mitochondrial Eve.” I won’t get into the biological details (they are quite controversial anyway), but at least it may reconcile different views on origins of the human race.

    Anyway, back to the mundane. God gave women different core roles from men, besides reproduction. God bless you and all that you do throughout your life.

    PS I am a prospective Biology major soon hoping to attend a nearby university in my home state of Pennsylvania. While I don’t plan to go to med school or work in allied health or nursing, I could definitely be a good resource for your biological questions. 🙂

    Like

    1. The mother of all living…wow! That’s so awesome. thanks for sharing that, Frank! I’m definitely going to google “mitochondrial eve” when i finish this! haha I so appreciate the powerful reflection. thanks again! and good luck on the bio degree! way to go!! 🙂 big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  42. I read this, thinking of my own struggles and the fact that, at 33, I haven’t had my period since I was 15, and when my eating disorder began, I’d really only been through 2 or 3 cycles. Now that you’re weight-restored and healthy again and able to enjoy food, do they know why you’re still not having a period? Is that something they consider to be a normal long-term effect?

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this, Liesel. Gosh, I’m so sorry that you can relate so personally. No, and before I developed anorexia, they were beginning to get concerned about why I hadn’t menstruated. I tried a hormone therapy but that didn’t work. But no, it’s definitely not normal for a long term effect of anorexia. Usually girls get it back. I’ll definitely keep you in my prayers. I know how discouraging it can feel. Sending you so much love xox

      Like

      1. Thank you, Caralyn. And thank you for your blogs. Reading your words and your reminders of God’s love for me–even in the midst of my brokenness and struggle–have really meant more than I can say. You give me hope that I can find myself gain and feel whole again one day.

        Like

      2. Gosh, thank you again. I am truly humbled by your words. Know that you’re in my prayers and heart. I’ve been there – wholeness is possible 🙂 Hugs and love xox

        Like

  45. I used to get really angry at some people deliberately refusing to see another point of view and reading it totally wrong… Oh wait, I still do. I’ve just learned to talk myself out of anger by venting to my beloved people or writing about it or “judging them silently and privately”. Hey, it’s my coping mechanism. If people can be byotches to me in the open, I can be the same but hidden. Lol! The venting to loved ones will not be pretty also but the writing will be contained, classy and… well, like this one of yours. 🙂
    You’re awesome! Please hold on tight to your beliefs. You don’t need them to agree or understand. I can never understand people wanting to be accepted for their beliefs and/or who they are yet they can’t do the same for others. My pet peeve!
    Much love to you Caralyn and lots of hugs. xxx

    Like

      1. I’m glad. 🤗 I’m about 20 years ahead of you (Haha!) so I have thicker skin (?). I had been too busy I am reading posts much later these days and couldn’t comment but it’s starting to get better. And I had to send you my message so I made sure I did. 😆 Warm hugs 🤗

        Like

  46. Thank you for liking my Blog, which brought me to view yours. Funny how the one article I chose to read was “Seeing Red”. No we can not stand in another’s shoes; nor see the inner thoughts behind the words. So I thought I would briefly share my story:
    After years of many tests, fertility drugs, etc – the doctors finally concluded that I would never be able to have children (of which they never determined why) – their final response was adoption. I told them I couldn’t afford to adopt. Also no one knows the inner hurt each time my sister would call me and tell me she was pregnant again; nor the hurt (while I would smile) when workers would ask when are you going to have children.
    Well as you saw from my Blog, the boys pictured are two of my 3 children that doctors told me I would never have. Yes, God does work in strange ways, maybe prayers are stronger than science (but not going to start that discussion!). So in your heart do not give up because miracles do happen. I pray one will find you.
    Definitely going to follow your well written, heart filled Blog.

    Like

    1. Wow, Pamela, I just got chills. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I truly appreciate it. I’m so glad that God blessed you so abundantly! That’s true – prayers are stronger than science!! thanks for your prayers and encouragement. you are a blessing to me! big hugs xox

      Like

  50. Never apologize for being you. Say what you will but there is something to be said for true feelings and the true you, and anyone who knows you or have followed your blog knows where you heart really is. It took a lot to come out and talk about your personal feelings not to mention your personal diagnosis and for that I give you all the credit. That is something that most people cannot be honest about….. themselves. 🙂

    Like

Leave a reply to Madeline Bialecki Cancel reply