The Negligence of “13 Reasons Why”

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

“13 Reasons Why.”

The Selena Gomez – produced Netflix show that remade the YA fiction novel by the same name.

The topic? Teenage Suicide.


The “13 Reasons” refer to the 13 cassette tapes the victim, Hannah, left behind, explaining why each of the 13 people on the tapes were to blame in why she took her own life.

I didn’t want to watch it. Clearly, this is not a light subject matter, and not particularly something I wanted to watch alone in my studio apartment in New York. But given my affinity for Justin Bieber, and as a result, his first love, Selena Gomez, I wanted to see what she produced.

And well, after watching all 13 episodes in less than 48 hours, I have some thoughts. Strong ones.

Suicide is never the answer. It should never even be an option. Let’s get that right out of the way from the get-go. And if you are having suicidal thoughts, you should seek professional help. Call a crisis hotline. Talk to someone.

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This show got it wrong.

As a survivor of a severe case of anorexia, this topic hits really close to home with me. Too close. During my disease, even though I never would have said, “I want to end my life,” the fact is, my actions communicated just that. I starved myself down to 78 pounds. Anorexia is a slow, drawn out suicide attempt. There. I said it. Whether you realize it or not, you are killing yourself, every day. Every meal you skip. Every calorie you burn. You are slowly and deliberately allowing yourself to waste away.

And there is nothing to glorify there. Nothing to romanticize. Nothing to slap a sepia filter on and call it “teen angst.” It is a form of mental illness; just like conditions that lead to suicidal thoughts and actions. And it should be treated and supervised by professionals.

The thing that made me the most upset about the show, aside from the appalling depiction of sheer ineptness by the guidance counselor, the glamorization of her death through an elaborate “riddle” of tapes left behind, and the depiction of control that creates, the thing that got to me the most was that these tapes – these 13 Reasons – blamed someone for it.

One of my biggest regrets, that I still live with to this day, is thinking that my loved ones blame themselves for my anorexia. Thinking that they were a contributing factor to my illness, or that they did or said something that triggered the development of the eating disorder. It has worn at my spirit that they could possibly blame themselves. And over and over and over, I’ve tried to communicate to them that it wasn’t their fault. Sure, tense words were said, and maybe sometimes the best decisions weren’t made, but the fact is, we all were just getting through it the best we could, the best we knew how.

No one is to blame for a suicide. I don’t care how “good” of a story line that creates.

Is it horrible that Hannah had to endure assault and bullying? Absolutely. But taking one’s life is not the only option out there. Where were those options in the plot line?

Finally, my heart absolutely shatters, to think about the impressionable teens who watch this series. Who, like myself, want to check it out because Selena Gomez is on the poster and take her word as “Gospel-ajacent.”

The act of taking one’s life stems from one thing: control. Regain control of a life that seems hopeless, and at a dead end. And the message that the storyline communicates – that Hannah was able to leave a legacy and communicate with her classmates and control them into solving her riddle – it glamorizes, belittles and negates the gravity and severity and finality of the act of suicide. It puts an air of “celebrity” on the devastating act that doesn’t leave people curious, it leaves them ruined. Suicide ruins the loved ones. Shatters them. Leaves them unable to pick up the pieces.

When a person takes their life, there is no more communicating with their friends afterwards. There is no seeing if they’ve solved the riddles or played the “game” by the rules, or done this or that. When a person takes their life, they are no longer alive. They are no more. And everyone is left to put the pieces back together, and fight the horrific guilt that they were to blame.

There is always another option. There is always a way out. No matter how bleak. There is always another option. It is my deepest prayer that if someone who is at risk, watches that series, that they don’t become enamored with the glitz and the notoriety Hannah received after her death. That they realize that there are people that they can reach out to for help. Guidance counselors are good people and, contrary to the depiction in the series, are well equipped and want to help.

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But lastly, I pray that those at risk youth remember that they’re not alone. That they are loved so fiercely by their Heavenly Father, who wants to fight for them. And even though that might not seem like enough, it has the power to turn things around.

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“13 Reasons Why” is negligent. It panders to the glorification of a tragedy that should never, ever be glossed over or trivialized or romanticized.

Hannah had a mental illness. And with proper care and guidance, her story could have ended a lot differently.

And I pray that for anyone watching it, they realize that too.

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551 thoughts on “The Negligence of “13 Reasons Why””

  1. My father took his own life in October. It’s been difficult to understand. You hit the nail on the head…he had a mental illness and nothing I did or said caused that. The disease killed him. Thank you for your post.

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    1. Hi Sarah Ann. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry for your loss. Oh friend, my heart just goes out to you. How incredibly tragic. No you 100% did not cause it. Mental illness is so misunderstood and I’m just… gosh my heart is breaking for you Sarah Ann. Hang in there. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this challenging time. Hugs xox

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  2. Hi Caralyn. Thank you for a well written response to a subject that does get glamorized because a “celebrity” produces a film series, saying she wants to help teens. Suicide is not a glamorous act, ( I have not viewed this program ), and if it is causing others to feel guilty for someone’s suicude, is there a possibility that a chain reaction of suicides may evolve.
    My prayer is that any who watch, or hear of this series, who are having suicidal thoughts, will seek a good counsellor, and see themselves in a better light. Each person is a valuable creation of God, and God has a purpose and plan for each life. Each is selling themselves short of their great potential that God has placed in them.
    This entire thought hurts, as in the Street Ministry I was a part of, as well as a Drop In Centre where I volunteered, many young people had thoughts of suicide, or had attempted suicide at times. Sorry to say, some tried and accomplished their task.

    Closer to home, my younger sister attempted suicide a number of times while in her teens and twenties, and continued talking of it as she grew older. She did see counsellors, as well as psychiatrists or psychologists regularly, who helped, as well as much prayer, as we sought guidance of, and the touch of our Lord Jesus on her life.

    I have been rambling again Caralyn, and actually started to write in order to repeat the fact that you are greatly appreciated. And secondly, that I am wondering if you have considered becoming a counsellor. If you have not considered this, please do, and seek God’s will, if this may be a direction He may lead you in.

    God’s Blessings Good Friend. Still praying for your Mom, Dad, and you, trusting Jesus Christ for His touch.

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  3. Yes! I wrote a post about the same thing. I’m a high school teacher and my students are OBSESSED with this show. It scares the hell out of me, because I also know that several of them struggle with thoughts of suicide. Two of my students have attempted it just this year. And this show not only glorifies suicide, it makes it seem as if it’s the best option for getting back at people who hurt you. I’m terrified for the day in the future when a teenager commits suicide and leaves tapes because they were inspired by this show.

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    1. Oh Rachel, this is truly terrifying. Thank you for sharing this. Gosh, I just pray that that day never comes. Yeah I too fear for the copy cat tragedies. Another thing is how, with Hannah’s narration of the whole show made it appear that her death wasn’t *final.* – that she kept on living and controlling and able to interact with her friends but that’s not how it works and I’m afraid that teens won’t fully grasp that. Or take it lightly. Thanks for sharing this. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Can you or can you get someone qualified to speak with the kids and talk it through? It’s not perfect – far from it – but can you use to reach those kids? Suicidal thoughts thrive in silence.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, they thrive in silence. I mean, I think as a teacher, by law, you have to contact a social worker. At least that’s how it works if you suspect neglect or abuse in the home. you’re required by law to contact child protective services. i don’t know if the same applies to an at risk teen for suicide.

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  4. Yes, I completely agree with this! Last week I also wrote a review of the books, but it was from more of a literary perspective. It’s great to see others putting their own experiences into their analysis of the episodes/book series. I like your emphasis on getting help before it’s too late.

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  5. I read this book, and when I first read it, I liked it, but your article puts it in an entirely different light. Thanks for the illumination.

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  7. So well said! I haven’t seen the show, but I agree that suicide should NEVER be glorified. It’s a horrific thought that something like this could possibly give someone that one last ounce of “courage” to take their own life. Better things are always possible. Thanks for sharing!!

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  8. Yes! So many professionals have spoken out against this series for these same reasons. I’ve heard the creators were even specifically advised to avoid certain depictions/wording but did it regardless. It’s beyond negligent… It’s dangerous. 😦 Also, the downplay of actual mental illness in favor of highlighting the bully factor creates quite a distortion and leaves such a gap in understanding. The idea of suicide being a legitimate option for finding peace, redemption, validation, martyrdom, or worse, revenge, is absolutely horrible. This series says, “Killing yourself is a totally valid option for the following reasons.” It’s like psycho-smut. Shock factor, pity, and drama in the name of faux “awareness.”

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. Yeah, it really is dangerous, and I pray that there are no copy-cat tragedies. Yeah, I agree. There really is a gap in understanding. Yeah, it is a dangerous thing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I fully agree! hugs xo

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  10. Thank you for this post. It confirms my worst fears about the show. Now I know what I *won’t* be watching.

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    1. thank you so much, yeah, it was just so horrible, and my heart just shatters to think of the impressionable teens who may be at risk, who may be enamored with the “celebrity” Hannah received after her death. ugh. thanks for stopping by. hugs x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome. And I’m always happy to stop by. 🙂

        Thank you for the hugs. 🙂

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  11. I agree with you even thought I’m slowly half watching it and just on episode #10. There are actually a number of serious issues with the show. At the same time, I think I can appreciate that they are trying to bring home that we often are oblivious to the needs of others – self interested to the point that we miss calls for help. In an environment like that there is a foreboding hopelessness. They drive that home, unrealistically so, but it sure makes it weigh on the heart.

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      7. So… Today, I gave the presentation to the high school students, got some positive feedback, and then headed out. I got 15 minutes tdown the road when my phone rings. They wanted me to come back because a suicidal young person came forward asking for help. Just spent the last 2 hours with them to work out how to be safe right now.
        Whew.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Yes please. There’s a big story in that – God on the move in a big way. But…
        As I am connecting in, in addition to the young person I met with today, I have now am aware of at least two more. I’m sitting here in tears for these young people. At the same time, in awe of what God is doing in front of me.
        I need to stand up and give you one of those slow claps because when I was asked to speak, I had one idea, then I was asked to touch on 13 Reasons Why. Your blog helped me prepare and now we (me and you by extension) are bringing life to young people.

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  13. As one of my lofty goals is to raise awareness of veteran suicide this touches my soul deeply. I have had more run in’s with suicide and suicide attempts then I think most. I would very much like to discuss a few things with you in private if that would be permitted. I think you and I could take value in our stories. If you care to, my email for my blog is on my contact page. Have a blessed night.

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      7. Hi friend, I received your email, and I’m going to be truly honest with you. I am really having trouble reading it. My heart was so shocked and saddened by the first sentence, that i had to quickly close the window, and I am working up the courage to reopen it and continue reading. I am so sorry that you had to witness that. My heart goes out to you and i just want you to know that I’m sending so many hugs and love and prayers.

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      9. I don’t see it as a sad story. I see it as a story of Gods perseverance, grace. If we are to be a weapon for Christ we much first be forged by fire. I have overcome and am a better man for it.

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  14. Beautifully written article and so amazingly courageous in respect to you personal circumstance. Articles like these are an amazing encouragement to those fight the same battle daily. As a counsellor that deals regularly with suicidal ideation the strength of testimony is a great one! Well done and may God continue to bless your literary efforts

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  15. This brings to mind Romans 12:2. Our culture is dangerously ill in so many ways, and your post only serves to illustrate that fact. Could such a story have been told in a responsible and healthy manner? Perhaps. Could it have been brought to the screen (big or small) as a big-budget production? Never. Not in this cultural climate. Last summer two of my classmates committed suicide on the same weekend in separate and unrelated incidences. There was nothing glamorous or romantic about it. There was no up side, only anguish.

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    1. Thanks so much for this, John. You’re right – it’s dangerously ill. Oh gosh, I am so sorry that this hits home with you so personally and that you had to go through that grief. That just breaks my heart. I think you’re right – this is definitely something that needs to be talked about but the way in which 13RW went about it was more detrimental than helpful. Big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  16. You are right but you know we do not all read what you have written and in the dark the light seems so far away. Ever since tech came people have been horrible to each other why read them just delete and ignore and pray. We all need comfort and yes talking it out to anyone who will listen like a priest, pastor, nurse, mother, sister, cousin, friend, even a doctor is far better than taking your precious life. The whole future is gone for what a scum bag or bags.

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    1. “In the dark, the light seems so far away.” Gosh, isn’t that the truth. I have been there. When the light seemed like a pin prick a thousand miles away. Virtual bullying is definitely so harmful and my heart just goes out to all those who are suffering from that. Yes – talking to someone and seeking help is so important. thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

      3. would you help me I am not a techy all I have is a laptop and would like to know how to delete some of my categories and what is a sticky? I sound dumb but that is how I learn by asking wordpress did not reply.

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  17. I can see the fear against a show that arises dialogue about suicide. Written toward a younger audience and with other YA novels stretched out to include a wider audience it’s almost strange to consider writing this show for a young person.

    There are numerous references toward suicide in pop culture including Drake’s last three album covers. ASAP Rocky’s Suicide Fingers stance. A recent movie called Before I Fall.

    Every emotion creates reactions. At least, that’s what preach as motive in police work. It’s true it’s not a bully that kills a kid that’s murder. The bully does take and from that emptiness a victim finishes that emotion. It used to be, you only had a bully a few hours a day at school. Now, it’s compounded, you check your Facebook. He’s there. You go out. He’s there. There’s no time to recoup.

    Now, does a plot that might not be well defined permit young people toward suicide. Maybe, they were considering it already. There’s a duality in our culture. Kids can play games for kill counts but they cannot do the same in reality. Romeo and Juliet was a well defined plot and also a dual suicide.

    We as an audience, can appreciate the story as a ritual path. True, this story is a dark path but if traveled and thought about then we may consider another. That is hope that my daughter didn’t have. That is hope that my brother didn’t have. Dialogue, is important even if it’s a little messed up.

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    1. Oh Kenzie, my heart just goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your story. Gosh, we need that hope to pierce the dark in the world. Gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that this resonates with you so personally. You’re right – dialogue is so incredibly important. And especially now, when, like you said, bullies follow a kid right into their living room, into their pocket — virtual bullying is, just as harmful, if not more. Gosh, thank you for your powerful response. I’m sending the biggest of hugs xo

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  18. I am of two minds here. I haven’t seen either the series nor read the book but this last comment before mine by Kenzie’s drawings is what brought about the second thought process. I spent most of my teens and early 20’s fronting heavy metal bands. This was the 1980’s thru early 1990’s. And the PMRC was trying desperately to get certain artists banned. A young man had attempted suicide, another succeeded, and both had been listening to a song by Ozzy Osbourne called “Suicide Solution”. Without listening or even reading all the lyrics, people assumed Ozzy was glorifying suicide. Instead, the word solution is being used in the context of a chemical substance. Ozzy wrote the song about alcohol and drug-addiction and how you are, as you mentioned Caralyn about anorexia, slowly committing suicide with them. However, from the sounds of each post and your blog, this show is a little more in depth than just a case of misunderstanding as with Ozzy’s song so I can understand the fear factor Kenzie mentions but also agree with him/her about the importance of having something that opens dialogue…Just maybe not in the context of glorifying it. However, on my father’s side of the family there has been at least 1 suicide in every generation as far back as anyone can remember. My grandfather’s brother took his own life late in life. My father attempted it a few times. His older sister succeeded two years before I was born. The pain of losing her has stayed in everyone’s hearts…Even though it’s been 53 years since. I’ve inherited the gene, the chronic depression. No, I’ve never attempted and I have no desire to but I’ve also spent plenty of years in therapy for childhood abuse and I’ve had those talks with a good counselor. I’m not sure exactly where I’m going with this except that there is nothing glamourous​ about it. And, if this show is making it seem glamorous, then truly is dangerous. I’ve also lost a couple of friends to suicide. A brother of one said if you could see the faces of those you love afterwards, the thought would never cross your mind again.

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    1. Hi Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your story. Gosh, I am so sorry that this topic matter hits so close to home, and i just want to give you the biggest hug right now. I really appreciate you sharing those perspective. I agree, I applaud the show for trying to open up a dialogue about something that really does need to be talked about, i just pray that the glamorization hasn’t done more harm than good. I’m so glad that you were able to work through those things with a good support system. Thanks again for sharing this. You are a blessing to me. big hugs xo

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  20. I love you. I am glad you are here. You inspire me. I agree in prayer for truth to overcome when people need help and are being spiritually and mentally attacked. Praise God you overcame with Him. May others also!! Love you. Hugs! ❤

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  21. While I agree that 13 Reasons Why glamorizes suicide inappropriately, I also see a different perspective on it. I hold true to the statement that the book is better than the show. I see that 13 Reasons Why shows how the little things so deeply affect someone. I don’t condone blaming others, but I see the need for others to see how they impact someone positively or negatively. I see the end of the story as a wake up call. A declaration of tragedy that demands attention and action to prevent further stories like Hannah’s. The ending of the show disgusted me, doing the book no justice. The book ended with Clay merely starting a conversation with Skye. In the book Skye flies under the radar, as Hannah did before committing suicide, and is rarely mentioned until the end where Clay reaches out to her. It is a cry for help in a world that glamorizes suicide and self harm.

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    1. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and for sharing your perspective. I do appreciate how the show stressed loving and being kind to others. that’s a really important message. It sounds like the book was quite different than the show. I think I should pick it up and give it a read. thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

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  22. I have not seen the show, and I really do not feel like picking it up! It seems… terrible, really. It’s hardly a new occurrence, glorifying suicide has a long history, but that doesn’t make it any better. There is nothing sentimental about it, there is nothing romantic, nothing there to glorify. It is hopelessness and suffering, darkness of the very worst kind, and as a topic it deserves respect.

    Also, once again you inspire me to write a blog post of my own, tied in with the subject. Thank you for being an inspiration!

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  23. That’s a great post. I just watched this show with my son last weekend. It may have been entertaining for some but I wholeheartedly agree where is your point of view. And now that you have pointed it out I do see that Netflix was sort of negligent with this, but they’re negligent with a lot of things. I have a friend whose daughter committed suicide about three years ago. She has never been the same.

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    1. Thanks so much Tony. Yeah, I applaud them for trying to open up a discussion on such an important topic(s), but I just fear this did more harm than good. And gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that. that just absolutely breaks my heart. Know that your friend is in my prayers as she tries to move forward with her life. Big hugs xox

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  24. Hey friend. Thank you. Your narrative on life is so critical. Thank you for taking a risk on transparency. It has truly inspired me to lean in on life instead of the usual fight or flight. There is so much wisdom to gather when you dare face life in such a way. And with such transparency, you just never know who is watching, or in this case reading. I for one, am one of those people who has been encouraged greatly by what you share. Thanks for being a light amidst so much darkness. You matter!!

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  25. Many years ago a young person close to me tried to take her life. Without going in to all the details (that’s HER story), she reached a point where she believed that the only solution to all she was going through was to die, so she tried to. I rejoice every day that she was saved and has found other ways to cope with her feelings. Her attempt was not about blaming anyone else, or playing games or leaving puzzles. It was an act of despair. Thank you for understanding.

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  26. Oh bless the Lord. I’m sixteen and quite obviously everyone around me is talking about this series. And they LOVE it, they won’t hear any criticism, two years ago I read the book adaptation and even then I remember bot liking the book, the idea of BLAME. But I gave the tv show a try, it speaks about these problems we face and that amazing but not in the right way. This exactly conveys my feelings!

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    1. Hi Shrushti, thank you so much for sharing this. Yeah, I was pretty shocked at how the whole plot line was founded on this idea of blame. I was almost in disbelief! Yeah, I applaud them for trying to open up a dialogue about issues that clearly should be talked about, but I just fear that it is doing more harm than good. Thanks for sharing your experience. 🙂 big hugs to you friend xox

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Thanks for this, everything you just said, I absolutely agree with, as a teen in high school I struggled with depression and had thoughts of ending my life. (I don’t struggle with depression/suicidal thoughts anymore) had to go see counselors, be on pills, etc. I really love what you said about having the power to say “this isn’t the end of my story.” So everything you said I echo that, and again thanks for your honesty and for just being real and for standing for something. So thank you my friend.

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    1. Oh Friend, thank you so much for sharing part of your story. i’m sorry that this resonates so personally with you, and I’m so glad that you’re in a better place. Yes, we have that power to create a positive ending 🙂 big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  28. You’re a very courageous woman, Belle. I’m not sure I would have the courage to watch a show like that. Like you, I’ve been to the edge. Like you, professional help was essential before I could recover. It was a long process, but it’s left me happy and strong, thank God.
    It’s often very difficult for the afflicted person to realise they are ill. In my case, my wife had to be extremely forceful to make me visit the doctor; I didn’t think he would be able to help, but in fact he checked to discover the right psychiatrist for gender dysphoria, and referred me to them. Which brings me to my second point. It’s important to find the right health professional. In my case I had to do further research after my first consultation to find someone more appropriate, and eventually I found the right path to healing.
    This is my experience, but I’ve seen it with other people too. The reluctance to believe help is possible, and the need to find the right help seem to be common issues, so I just thought I’d highlight them. Once again, well done tackling this difficult and important issue. xx

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    1. Hi Penny, thank you so much for sharing part of your story. Yes, Praise God that you are in a better place and sought the right professional help. I’m so so glad that you’re living in the freedom of healing. Yes, help is possible! thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

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  29. Wow such an amazing post that I think everyone needs to read. I have never watched 13 reasons why but from your description I think that the idea might have been to remind us how much they way we treat people matters. That being said, I have been depressed and suicidal and I can definitely say it was nobody else’s fault (and it wasn’t mine either). Depression is a real disease that you can’t just think your way out of but there are many options and people out there to help.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I”m sorry that this resonated so personally with you. And i just want you to know that the world is a better place because you’re in it 🙂 You’re so right – there are people and resources out there to help! and i wish that the show would have done a better job communicating that. thanks again for stopping by and sharing your heart 🙂 big hugs xox

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  30. Well said Caralyn! This is a beautiful, compassionate, and powerful stand against evil.
    In support of everything you have said, I would just like to pray for you.

    Precious heavenly father you are great above greatness. I humbly ask for a hedge of protection around Caralyn and all who are associated with her. I asked for depth of understanding for anyone who would read this post against suicide. I ask for you Lord to infuse hope in anyone who reads this in their hour of despair. Thank you Lord for being THE ONLY present help in all of life. I also asked that you would cleanse Caralyn of all evil influence of the shows that were watched to generate this wonderful post. Protect her soul from the influences that she experienced. I thank you for the boldness that you have given Caralyn in storming the very gates of hell with this post. As your servant burns brightly for you Father continue to fuel this kind and loving passion. To you Jesus belongs all the honor and glory. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

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    1. Thank you so much Denny. Gosh this is so touching and powerful. Thank you. Yeah, I actually had nightmares last night about this topic. I never get nightmares, and last night, I was just so shaken, I didn’t sleep a wink. So your prayer couldn’t have been more timely. I think the Holy Spirit had something to do with that 🙂 thank you again. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope you slept the sleep of a tenderly loved child of God Caralyn. Enter deeply in to the rest that Jesus is.
        Your friend,
        Denny

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  32. Hey Caralyn, great post about a serious topic! I didn’t watch the entire thing, but my wife did and, while she was doing that, I could get a glimpse of the series as a whole. And I suspect I don’t need to watch every piece of it to understand the entire plot.
    What baffles me is that our culture value drama so much it’s hard to understand. Like you said, there is nothing beautiful about it. Suffering is not a pretty thing, that’s for sure. When I was 15, I had suicidal thoughts myself. I needed 10 years of therapy and needed medication for 3 years along the road. The film industry tries to portray depression as something sexy, with good looking teenagers going through it. Well, sorry but no, there is nothing sexy about it when it’s you getting that feeling of disconnection from reality that makes you wish to never wake up again.
    I join you with my own prayers that this show doesn’t inspire anyone to act on their thoughts of suicide. There is a lot to be lived and suicide just puts a tragic end to endless possibilities.

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    1. Hi Lucas, thank you so much for sharing part of your story. I’m sorry that this resonates so personally for you. But gosh, I’m so glad that you are in a better place now and worked so diligently to get there. You’re right – there is nothing sexy or glamorous about the pain and suffering of others, especially when you’re gearing it towards kids. Many of whom are at risk and could be drawn to the “celebrity” Hannah gained afterwards. Me too. I pray that there are no “copy cat” attempts. Thanks again for sharing this. you are a blessing to me and everyone’s lives you touch! 🙂 big hugs! xox

      Liked by 1 person

  33. Yes to everything you wrote! The book did a pretty bad job of oversimplifying mental illness and suicide. I can only imagine how bad the show is. The tapes and telling people that they are the reason she committed suicide is the most uncomfortable thing. It’s good to inform people of signs to watch for and also to be leery of how they treat others but it was complete overkill in the story. And the fact that the writer and producers are attempting to defend the show even after multiple mental illness and suicide prevention agencies have spoken out is just a shame. The intentions are good but the execution could have been better.

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    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. you’re so right – i applaud them for trying to open up a dialogue, but i’m afraid the show is doing more harm than good. thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

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  34. I haven’t watched the film but I am struck by the fact that blame is placed. For the mentally ill, rationalizing irrational behavior by blaming others is a huge part of their existence (our existence). The blame goes out and falls on all who dare get close enough. That doesn’t make it truth.

    Many things I once thought were true are slowly becoming clearly things that I skewed or just plain made up to make me think I was really OK and someone else was screwed up.

    I’d love to see mental illness of all kinds, properly portrayed to the world in general. It rarely makes sense. There is never a good reason for it. It just is and the people that live with it need help.

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    1. Hi Mike, thanks for this. yeah, it was appalling that literally the entire plot line was based on these tapes that *blamed* people for the tragedy. I literally couldn’t believe that someone thought that was a good idea to portray in a TV show aimed at kids. Just. Wow. It’s an important topic to open a dialogue about, but this was not the way to go about it. thanks for the great food for thought. big hugs xo

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  36. I have neither read the book nor watched the series, so I am unable to comment on either of those. I can, however, comment on the automatic association of suicidal ideation with “mental illness.” As with many things in our society, there is a rush to categorize, which in this instance often goes along with judging, marginalizing and medicating.
    I completely 100% agree that suicide is never an answer. And I have put my money where my mouth is, in a career assisting people to realize that. AND the fact that someone is experiencing those thoughts is an indication of the extreme pain that they are experiencing. To label that as “mental illness” is to take away from the validity of their pain, and to also give society a free pass for the ways in which they contribute.
    It is an extremely complex issue, and as with many things, different in each individual instance.
    Yes, I would agree that any art that glorifies suicide is giving unhelpful messages. AND labeling also gives unhelpful messages.

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    1. Hi Aurora, thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective. You’ve absolutely right – labeling is definitely hurtful. And I appreciate you shedding light on that. And I agree – Downplaying another’s pain is never what we should do. hugs x

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      2. Thank you again. Yeah, I genuinely appreciate hearing all different sides and perspectives! I mean, that’s what makes a community so awesome, is that we all come to the table with different life experience and insights and perspectives. I truly learn so much from others. so thank YOU for sharing!! 🙂 xox

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  37. Many people in my family are affected by depression. While I agree that the tapes over-glamourised the issue, I think it did well to convey that small actions of unkindness aren’t isolated in the mind of another. If different people tell you something enough times, you begin to believe it is true. If people were kinder to each other, maybe it would be easier to reach out for help? I’m not sure I agree that all acts of self-harm are a reasoned choice that can be isolated from blame either… I initially found myself feeling angry that she’d left these notes of blame as they are the ones who have to live with it all! But I think I eventually saw the programme as a tool to convey a warning to us, the viewer. That even random acts of unkindness can affect people deeply.

    I feel honoured to have read your review though and it has certainly made me reconsider some of my initial thoughts on it, especially as you clearly know about such issues better than most (myself included) but thought I’d share what I took from it too. Thank you x

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    1. Hi Fluffy, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. You’ve brought up a lot of powerful insight. I agree, I definitely appreciated the message of being kind and loving one another that the show did convey. That is something we can all implement *today*. thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

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  38. I’ve not seen the show nor read the book, so I’ll stay clear of that. However, as someone who attempted suicide as a teen (by the grace of God alone I did not succeed) and as someone who has had friends that did commit suicide, all I can say is that it is an extremely complex issue. No, it is never the only option. Sometimes, it’s the only one that can be seen, though. I think what we all need to take away from this, as you pointed out as well, is that we need to be vigilant. We need to be more aware of those around us that are hurting. The at-risk. We say that as if there will be a neon sign illuminating those thinking about suicide. There are signs, yes, but not everyone fits neatly into an “at-risk” box. So, instead, make the most of every moment in every relationship. Love. Love with every ounce of energy. Love with all your blood, sweat, and tears. Love your family, love your neighbor, love the person you only see for a few seconds and then never again. There are multitudes of reasons why people see suicide as the only answer. The only solution is to help them see that it isn’t. And the only way to do that is through love. Then, maybe, they’ll seek the help they need. But, they have to be able to see that as worth it, that they are worth it.

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    1. Thank you so much, Russell, for sharing part of your story. I’m so sorry that this hits so close to home for you. And I just want you to know that the world is better with you in it 🙂 You’ve brought up such powerful points and insight here. thank you. Love with every ounce of energy. Amen. hugs x

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  39. I agree with every word. I have struggled with such dark thoughts of late. But there is no glory and no redemption. But I know now , that its better to fight than to give in.

    As a teenager , this is a difficult fact to accept, that life gets better , especially if you are fighting for it.

    Glorification of things like these is a tragedy of american consumerism driven movies/ tv series. Sad

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this, friend. I am sorry that you’ve been struggling with that recently. Please know that you are in my heart and prayers and that I’m beside you in your fight. You’re right…it’s sad that this show is so influential to such impressionable young minds. Thanks for stopping by. big hugs xo

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  40. I watched it. I asked my girls to watch it. We discussed it after. It raised a lot of attention to online bullying, suicide, depression, choices and truth. I felt that the word blame wasn’t correct and told them so. It opened a door to easily talk about depression, mental health and I am grateful for it. As for the counsellor, just like teachers at the school my girls attend they are not perfect, and so I think it is possible that a counsellor could miss an opportunity with a student.

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    1. Hi Macy, thank you so much for sharing your experience with the show. I’m so glad that it sparked some fruitful discussion with your girls. You bring up a lot of great points. i appreciate you stopping by. big hugs xo

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    2. That’s a really positive way of treating the show. You knew your girls would be exposed to it via friends, so you made sure that it happened in a safe way enabling them to learn the right things. Are you a teacher, or just a jolly good mom?

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  41. Hollywood seeks to glorify/glamorize everything (good or bad) and after reading this post, I am happy that I’ve skipped the book and this show.

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  42. it’s true, suicide is never the answer. But being mentally ill is to blame on those who treated you like shit. That’s the simple truth. Saying nobody is to blame feels like blaming the victim of bullying and rape.. I get your point, but it is a fact that there are people to blame. The show shows how everything you do can have a negative effect.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I agree – blaming the victim is *never* the answer, and I hope you didn’t take that away from my post. I tried to go out of my way to express that I *don’t* blame the victim. However, if you did get that, then i am sorry, that is not how i feel. You’re right, we could all work to spread love more, because as you said, everything you say and do effects someone. glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

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      1. thanks for clearing that up!
        It’s interesting to read what everybody thinks and feels about the show. I’ve read plenty of extremely offensive posts that made it very clear that they think the victim is to blame. All from people who are fellow sufferers, which is absolutely ridiculous. I’ve noticed a huge amount of people fighting over how they had it worse than Hannah Blaker. Completely failing the point the show is making. So I’m glad to read posts that got it right and have more sympathy for the suffering of other people.

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      2. I agree! I so appreciate hearing all of the different perspectives and insights. Because we all come to the table with different experiences and viewpoints. And I am so grateful for being able to learn from everyone, including you!! 🙂 Yeah, that definitely is not a productive response to the show. thanks again xox

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  43. My sister committed suicide nearly 7 months ago. She held her husband, her son & myself responsible & in her final acts made certain we were “punished” for it, in addition to her actual death. It didn’t matter how many times we reached out to her or all we did to her. In the end, her final act was revenge upon us in the worst possible way – the people who loved her most. I cannot even begin to explain the emotional trauma that goes into having someone you love commit suicide. To have them blame you? Is the worst of the worst. I refuse to watch this show because it’s capitalizing on the teens in the danger zone of suicide, in my opinion. It’s sick, twisted & disgusting. I’ve been urging people not to watch & especially not to let their teens watch. Thank you for your candor & honest thoughts on the moral deficit of this program.

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    1. Oh Joan, I am so sorry for your loss and this hits so close to home for you. gosh my heart just breaks, reading this. I cannot even begin to imagine what you went – and are going – though. All I do, is tell you how much I love you as a friend, and that I am praying for you and your family. And to tell you that if you need to talk to vent or anything, please don’t hesitate to email me. Hang in there. Your sister’s tragic death was not your fault. Please know that. Sending all my love with all my heart. xx

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      1. Thank you so very much for your kind words. Thankfully I have several friends who have stood by me & absolutely refuse to leave my side – even when I’m crying or mad. 😉 And as always I have my faith to rely on. Thank you again.

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  45. So from the very beginning – I have refused to watch this movie once I found out what it was about. My 13 year old daughter has begged me to watch it and I totally refuse! Yes our youth of today need to be aware of Suicide and all of its aspects but it should not be glorified or projected in such a way that it does not express the finality of it. The youth of today are so impressionable and more subject to all of the unfiltered things that we as parents and adults are trying to protect them from. Thanks for letting me know that I am not the only one with this opinion. Awesome job of writing this article!

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  46. As someone who contemplated suicide and nearly went through with it as a young teenager, I was actually rather turned off by the premise of “13 Reasons Why” and thus I haven’t even watched it. From everything I’ve heard, it is truly not an uplifting nor encouraging or even entertaining story, and as a Christian I struggle with accepting this as an acceptable use of my time. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not mean to condemn anyone who has watched this on Netflix, I believe doing so can lead to good discussion, but this is exactly what it needs to lead to, not a glorification of self and the idea that ending our lives on our terms to show everyone who is in control is an acceptable choice in life. As a teacher, any student who mentions killing themselves, even in jest, does not leave my room unnoticed.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Luke. I’m sorry that this hit so close to home, but Im’ so glad that you’ve found healing. You’re right, i applaud them for trying to open up a discussion, i just pray it hasn’t done more harm than good. Sending big hugs to you. you’re a blessing to me and your students 🙂 hugs xo

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  48. Thank you for the accurate and straight forward analysis of this. My husband and I read the book and are now watching. He teaches 8th and 9th graders and the school had two suicides last year. They are very into this show and he wants to get through it so he can direct an intelligent conversation with his kids. It is so hard to get through this series because of blame game. It depicts all the students who say it isn’t our fault as horrible. And most of the adults are dolts. Prayers for all who have had to go through this tragedy with their family and/or friends.

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    1. Oh gosh, that is just so tragic. I am so sorry to hear that. oh, that just hurts my heart. yeah, it definitely is something that needs to be talked about, and i applaud the series for trying to open up a discussion, i just pray it hasn’t done more harm than good. yes — lots and lots of prayers. hugs xo

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  49. Girl, this! ❤ My husband and I decided not to watch the show, exactly for these reasons. I think one of the only positives it (show) gives is the fact people are talking about it. Their actions. Their words. How to make a difference. But then to also have others, like yourself, bring clarity and construction to the misguided population watching. I feel like the show isn't meant for people who have or had depression, suicidal thoughts, and other forms of mental illness. I feel like it is meant to bring awareness, but I agree, it is done in a horrible way. I thank you for your honesty, your bluntness, and I hope your words help awaken anyone who reads. I'm going to share your blog on my fb, and keep getting the true awareness out.
    Always,
    T. R. Noble

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    1. Hi TR, thank you so much for sharing this. yeah you and your husband were wise. it is a very intense and gratuitously graphic depiction. You’re right, that is a positive – that we need to love one another. I just hope that that goodness isn’t lost among the glorification of the negative. thanks for sharing this with your circle 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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  50. This post was a random read for me today but well worth the time I took to read it through three times. While I’m not one to care about movies or television at all the message you stated was eloquent and to the point. I will be sharing this one with friends for sure. In my (recovery) communities suicide is far too common and much like your analogy of anorexia as a slow suicide so was my alcoholism. It’s quite interesting to think on the parallels that we all share as humans maybe I will meditate on that subject for a future post. Might make for a solid collaborative entry some day..

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    1. Hi Joe, thank you so much for taking the time read it- and three times no less! Yeah, i just pray for all of those who struggle with such thoughts. thanks for sharing your heart. glad you stopped by. hugs xo

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      1. Glad you stumbled on my random crap blog lol otherwise I would not have read that post!! While this bogging thing is new I can wholeheartedly say the community as a whole is pretty mutually supportive it’s refreshing! I might just re blog this one if you don’t mind

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