“The One That Got Away”

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

It’s funny how life hits you over the head with some things sometimes.

At least until you get the point.

And let’s just say, I’m nursing a pretty big welt on my noggin from where I’ve been repeatedly struck.

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Metaphorically, of course. Although, at this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if it becomes physical, too.

I’m going to say something, and I realize that it’s going to sound a little…well…ugly, and please just take it in the sense that it was meant.

But…

I’ve been told, many times in my life, that I’ve been “the one who got away.”

In fact, one of these ways is in a song you can hear on the radio right now…

But that story’s for another day…

But apparently, that’s the role I’ve been cast in so far in life…the one who got away.

And this weekend, God kinda smacked me upside the head with that.

Three times…One weekend…Face to face with three guys, with whom, I’ve had romantic “undefined/unstatus’d-things” with. Except now, they’re all either in serious relationships or engaged.

God confronted me with that while I’ve been in NYC.

Abruptly.

And it didn’t feel so nice.

In fact, I wrote a pretty raw blog post at 4:30am one night, bawling my eyes out, after spending time with that boy, now engaged, and I was going to publish it, but it felt a little too indulgent. Maybe I’ll share it over on Patreon…

But here’s a little glimpse into that headspace:

A big part of me wants to just say, “We could have had it all. It should have been us. I wish you would have known.” I’d take him aside and just bear my soul, tell him that I’ve loved him from Day One and that I’m sad he’s getting married, because I could have made him the happiest man in the world. That we would have been so right. That it was supposed to be us. He knows it. I know it. It’s undeniable.

But I can’t. We cannot be. We will never be.

And I’m sitting here doing all I can to come to terms with that. In a puddle, just trying to say that I trust all that God has in store for me, but I just don’t know how, because this hurts so much.

And so I’ll put on a stoic face, and tell you how f%@#ing happy I am for you, and see the longing in your eyes, knowing that we will never be.

I told you…it was raw.

I have lived hard and fast by the rule that a lady should never show her cards. Keep her heart close to her chest, and for the love of all things good, play hard to get. But you know what? That has gotten me nowhere.

And in fact, this weekend, I have been shown just how detrimental that’s been. How regressive. How hindering.

I’ve been barricading my heart from letting someone in.

And it’s time I stop.

Don’t do that no mo’.

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I’m not talking about running around and giving my heart [or body for that matter] to any boy who gives me butterflies. But it’s time to start giving my heart a voice.

And not just on a blog.

I’m talking, in the flesh, in a vulnerable conversation where real feelings and reputations are at stake.


I don’t want to be “the one who got away” anymore.

I don’t want to look across the room at a guy, and hold that longing look of – we could have been right for each other, but now it’s too late. 

Because that look, it doesn’t feel good. Sucks for everyone involved.

Being “the one who got away,” involves the choice of going away. Involves the decision to run. To turn away. Close off. Say no.

And maybe that makes a great plotline for a romantic chick flick, with Prince Charming running after his damsel in destress. But the fact is, life is not a movie and guys don’t like rejection. Even if it isn’t overtly so.

Perhaps I’ve had these three interactions this weekend to show that, it’s time I start saying “Yes.” Time I start opening up. Showing my cards.

Because what they don’t tell you, is the “the one who got away,” is moreoftenthannot alone.

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I don’t pretend to know a lot of things, but one thing I do know, is that God will keep trying to get a message through to you until it clicks.

And I guess it took these three run-ins with past flames to show me that if I want love, I have to allow it to happen. Express how I feel and let someone get close to me, and perhaps…be a little more deliberate in that department.

Long and short: I have to give a little.

Give a little more of my heart.

That sounds like it should be a Gloria Estefan song.

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I guess I’ll just leave you with that 🙂

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

319 thoughts on ““The One That Got Away””

  1. Hi sister
    I know that feeling…from the other side. Those that got away. The one three years ago who could have been. And it’s not fun and pretty f&^#$% depressing at times. (hug)
    But the advice I would offer comes from a person who has been through more than I have and who has very sound advice ” Trust the slow work of God. ” Yes, Late Bloomer, it wasn’t something you needed to do to win those guys because…..they weren’t your guys (all together or just one). Your guy is still out there. Maybe in Ohio, maybe in NYC, maybe on the next vacation. But you ARE worth loving and ARE worth letting someone in and ARE loved by God who will carry you through these times.
    Smile, breathe, and enjoy the weekend
    xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, Jeff, thank you so much. I’m sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. Thank you for such kind words. They have truly touched my heart tonight, and affirmed me. so thank you with all my heart! have a beautiful weekend x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. If any of these young men were the one you’re supposed to spend your life with, you would still be together. He would’ve won your trust eventually. Whoever is referring to you as the one who got away is cruel…maybe not intentionally, but they are implying there’s something wrong with you because you’re still single. God’s okay with you being single right now. He has things for you to do first…like healing from e.d. and learning to truly love yourself as you are right here and now so you have more to give to that special someone when he finally does come along. You’re not the one who got away. You’re the one they let get away because they didn’t care enough to wait until you were ready to stay.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks so much for this thoughtful response. You’re so right – the one I’m supposed to end up with – I won’t be able to miss. And you’re right, we never can fully understand God’s timing but we can trust that it’s always perfect and for a reason. thanks for stopping by. big hugs ox

      Like

  3. Oh Caralyn,
    Old married lady here, inching up on the 25 year mark in about 5 months. Their regret is not for you to hold onto. Whether they realized it or not they put the entire burden of openness and vulnerability on you. Something held you back from being vulnerable with them, from entrusting the care of your heart to each one of these guys. Trust that, whether it is recognized as such or not, you were listening to the Holy Spirit, knowing that these guys for reasons not known in that moment, were not the One for you.
    One of my favorite readings from the options for the Mass is from Corinthians 13, Love is Patient, Love is Kind…
    So, when I was in my early late teens I dated a guy just before I left to go do some volunteer work. We wrote letters to each other and in one he said something that told me NO! in very clear terms. Within about 2 hours the whole thing was off. This was not the right guy for me. By listening in that moment, and giving myself the space to mature, and grow I met the guy who is right for me. Who builds me up. Who listens to me. Who cares for me. Who reminds me I am loved by God, and by himself. A man who when I’m being hard on myself calls me out, because Love.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Teri, oh thank you so much for this heartfelt response. Wow! 25 years, that is so beautiful. Congratulations! You’re right, the right guy will easily make himself known to be right. I just have to trust that and trust my instincts. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey there 3B! First, I think you’re on to something here… Stick with it. 👍👍👍 Second, thank you very much for the barrage of likes on my blog today. After a long break it was nice to see you as one of the peeps lighting up my phone with all those likings. It means a lot. 👌👌👌

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This entire post hit me to the core!
    I hate being vulnerable but I also hate thinking “what could have been.” It’s the most difficult thing for me to open up to people when I’m terrified of what will happen and terrified of the rejection that MIGHT ensue. But I know the one thing I have to do is just dive right in.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I feel you. Have been in the same boat. Take care. There is a balance between waiting for God’s man for you and going and grabbing a man of God. We have work to do but God knows best. So travel the balance beam with care and in prayer and God will do the rest, beautiful!! 🙂 ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Found the help thought you may like it too. Suzy.
    Hi there!

    > Would you let me know how to delete the Categories I do not use. I was over zealous when I first began and realize they are not needed.

    Certainly. Here are the steps:

    1. Navigate to My Site > Settings.

    2. In the Settings area, click on the “Writing” tab.

    3. Here, you will see the top item is titled Categories. Click on that.

    4. You can click the 3 dots next to a category title, then click Delete to remove it.

    Here’s the quick link to this page where you can edit the categories:

    https://wordpress.com/settings/taxonomies/category/thoughtsonlinedot.blog

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I have been in a place where I knew that a man had feelings for me, yet chose to be in a relationship with someone else. Any man who continues to look at a woman such an unguarded way while being in a relationship with someone else is definitely the wrong man. This man is now married, and I hope for his sake (and his wife’s, too) that he is happy; however, I have a sneaking suspicion that if I walked into the room, he would look at me in much the same way.

    I can honestly tell you that the experience with this man made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and had me questioning myself on so many fronts. Any man who makes you feel this way is definitely not worthy of you – Christian or not!

    Here is my view (but not yet my experience): A man who is worthy of you will never let you go. Never. An unworthy man will, though.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. your “battle” between playing hard to get and giving your heart some more voice, between letting up your defenses and embracing a little more of vulnerability, and your experiences with all of them too. Your post has gotten me thinking(and I sincerely appreciate you for that); where exactly do we draw the line between this seemingly different approaches to relationships and to live in general? when exactly does either hard-to-get or vulnerability as the case may be, become detrimental to us, and how do we know when to draw the line? All the same, nice post. I enjoyed it.
    TRUTH ZOMBIE

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I like to view life in the sense God knows what is best. Scripture says God will work to the good of those who believe/trust in Him. Meaning, even when we weren’t ready, even if we had to learn the hard way, God will use those experiences, and hardships, for His glory, for our edification, and our perspective. He crafts us into a someone better, humbler, and made prepared for the situation, and the next someone. I believe there is a reason in everything, and God seems to uphold this. I believe He adjusts to our mistakes. He reaches out. Knocks us on the head a few times, as you say :), and tells us, “Hey, wake up!” But then gently smiles as us and says, “Child, I’m still here. There is still much ahead. Don’t fret. Don’t look back. Keep walking forward. I’m with you.”

    Always,
    T. R. Noble

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi TR! That is such a comforting perspective. you’re so right – God will work everything out for good, all we have to do is trust Him and let Him work! And yes, i think you’re right – He adjusts to our mistakes — also a very comforting thought! hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I can so relate – I used to be a ‘one’ for many years. It takes a lot to nurture a true partnership with another human being. It worked out best for me – good thing I’d gotten away! Because when I was ready, I made a lifelong commitment to an incredible man. It sounds like you’re inspired to see how the universe unfolds – good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. My dating life in NYC did not go far… For one date, my car was stolen the night before. She lived in White Planes. Oh, well. Another turned out to be rather Zionist, which is fine, but I lacked a certain heritage that she would expect to go with that belief system. A third spent the summer on a bicycle challenge across the USA. Now that’s a long way to go do get away from romance! 😜 Needless to say, I found companionship elsewhere (how’s the checking the driver’s license for Ohio registration going?) – Oscar

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh that’s awful that your car was stolen! Oh gosh that’s terrible. Wow sounds like you had quite an interest go of it! Haha eeeh not good😂😂😂 to enamored with the east coast types 😂 thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Though the relationship came to a sudden stop, I did not mind being relieved of the obligation to move the car nightly because of NYC’s alternate side of the street parking regulations. (The police notified me some months later that my car, or what was left of it, was impounded for past due parking tickets. I sent them a copy of the police report that I filed and refused to pay).

        Like

  18. This was so well written 🙂 the mess of something I have been torn with as well. Though I do believe that everything happens for a reason and maybe being the one that got away, makes you someday strong enough to stay in something that is right for you.

    We do heard that timing is everything. These undefined romantic feeling are a burden. The “what ifs” are burning. But if you have the belief that there is a reason that everything happens and someday you will see it, just hold on now.

    Like

  22. Your piece is beautiful. Opening up yourself is risky, but a lot of good times will also pass you by if you close up. In most cases, you have more rewards than regrets.
    Thanks for loving my post. I love your writing style and envy your skills.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Extremely well written… In fact, you are one of the more influential writers who indirectly freshens up my own style!

    Now I’m going to say something that might tick you off. Maybe I’ve just become jaded from the years but sometimes methinks you have a slightly rose-tinted view of relationships.

    Or maybe I just haven’t found that perfect one you talk about. But seriously… is anyone a perfect fit other than God?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, thank you so much! that is kind of you to say! haha, yeah, i think you’re right about that – i think I do have a rose colored view of them – but then I grew up surrounded by incredible examples of Christ-centrered marriages. My parents have been married for 42 years, and my brothers both have wonderful marriages, so I guess I have been spoiled by such good examples. But you’re right, no relationship is perfect and marriage takes work. Thanks again for your kind words. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. lol… you make me laugh (in a warm way). You’re a great defender of the faith! I always hoped for that perfect, wholesome and loving compatibility. But I’ve changed so much so fast that it was always temporary with lots of forks in the road. My path, maybe… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  26. I will pray for you. I found that the perfect partner in real daily life was not the perfect partner I had in my mind, and I thank God every day for that saving grace. God’s plans are always better than mine.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Guarding your heart is not necessarily a bad thing. For every piece of yourself that you did not give away to those men, you have safely reserved it for your future mate. I have never regretted saving my whole heart for my husband. I just read a beautiful quote by Max Lucado. It’s quite profound. “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” As you seek God and allow yourself to be vulnerable with Him, he will bring the man into your life that you have been saving those pieces of your heart for. If you focus on God and leave this desire in His hands, then “what is to come,” will be greater than “what could have been.”

    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

    So as you set out to make yourself more open and vulnerable, just remember to reserve the deepest most intimate parts of yourself for the man who is willing to hold them forever. Sorry, if I got a little preachy there, 😉 I have six kids, three of whom are daughters, and I pray this for them someday. 🙂 Also, I just want to let you know, that your blog is beautiful and your testimony is powerful. God is using you, and I appreciate you stopping by and liking my blog, as well. God bless you. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  28. I have had the flipside experience, the feeling of really wanting to ask someone out, but being too shy to say anything until it was too late, for one reason or another. I’m a very shy person and this has happened to me a lot over the years. I haven’t dated very much and I still get very nervous about dating and probably say the wrong thing a lot of the time on dates. I’m trying to go out there and open up to women in a healthy way, but it’s hard.

    Lately I’ve been on a few blind dates (this is the norm in the Orthodox Jewish community to which I belong) which has the advantage (for a shy person like me) that I don’t have to ask someone out, but it has the disadvantage that I get put in a room with a total stranger and have to talk to her for an hour or two without making a fool of myself or coming on too strong or not strong enough… it’s hard!

    I try to tell myself that God has a plan for me and I should just trust Him (even if the plan is for me to stay single, it’s for the best), but I find that hard too. I have faith but not trust, if you appreciate the distinction. I have faith that God exists, but it’s hard to trust that whatever happens to me is for the best.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much for sharing this. Oh gosh, I’ve never been on a blind date, but you’re awesome for doing that! you’ve got quite some courage! Yes, we’ve got to trust that! thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

      Like

  29. I feel for your situation. In today’s culture, in particular, it’s tricky to know how to navigate these relationship issues. May the Lord grant you the right balance in taking the risk to love and trust someone, but not chasing after someone because you feel needy. Let God’s love and presence fill your heart, then follow his leading in your relationships. I don’t think you can go wrong with that!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Wow girl incredible and so eloquently written and I have had the same feeling with exes lately thank goodness of course they have not moved on yet but I can totally relate.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. hey i just wanted to share a song by casting crowns with you, after having personal troubles with relationships that I have only recently found answers to I find this song quite close to the heart and although the first time I listened to it it made me a bit sad, I now know every time I listen to it I am able to rejoice in God’s plan that every time we have our shattered dreams, it’s because God can give us something greater than what we dreamt for.

    You should give it a listen… could become a favourite song who knows lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Ok so I am sure that you have heard these same remarks in the comments section of this very post. You are absolutely right in everything that you said – BUT you or they weren’t ready for one reason or another. Remember – God can see down the road and around the corner. It is a good thing that you guard your heart. You only have one and when it gets broken – It Sucks!!!!! It will never fully repair but it will leave this scar in its place that will always be a reminder. You may never really know that it is there until you are put into a situation where a memory will ignite and irritate it.Let yourself enjoy life and when that relationship come – you will know. Rely on your Beliefs, never settle and love yourself first.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. you’re so right – it wasn’t right for one reason or another and God *can* see down the road. I have to trust that! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  37. Oh my goodness- i scrolled for ‘hours’ before i could post this. I”m heartened that so many had words of encouragement and empathy . I’m the same- we’ve all been in the same boat at some time or other. Thank you for sharing.
    My two cents: God’s time is the best. “Forever”- is a long time, so its gotta be right.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. It’s so scary to allow oneself to be loved and to love in return. And yet, it can open the door to amazing adventures. Perhaps it might help to remember that you are inside out lovely, intrinsically love-worthy, and certainly loved already. Staying grounded in that truth may help you to be more open to love.
    Of course, if that doesn’t work, consider this approach… https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating

    Like

    1. Thanks Brad. You’re right, I’ve got to stay grounded in that truth, because it leads to freedom 🙂 ooh! A Ted talk! I can’t wait to take a listen! Thanks for passing it along 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  40. Oh, girl, I have BEEN there! I hear ya, every word. I’m not going to be one of those people who says, “Just stop looking for love, and love will come to you when you least expect it,” because that always got on my nerves. But I will say this: when I started opening up and enjoying myself in dating (reasonably, of course, and not compromising myself), that’s when I ended up in a great relationship. Not to sound like an infomercial, but we’re getting married next month! God is definitely in control. You keep following His lead, and He’ll put you exactly where you need to be, even when it seems like He’s taking too long. Go get ’em!

    Liked by 1 person

  41. I read this post earlier, but (for some reason) I couldn’t find the like button/star.

    Then, just a moment ago, I realized that I wasn’t following you, yet. Thought I was…

    Anyway, I enjoyed reading your post and the honesty therein.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Well done!!! I think it sounds like you’re oon the right path 😉 … I totally agree that sometimes you get to see/notice the patterns that God is trying to get a message through to You! Not easy .. but if you can ride that wave, the rest can be -a bit of- a breeze. #hopingforu #nowinmyprayers

    Liked by 1 person

  44. This was a good read. I’m glad that you’ve realized this. Many girls around here don’t and as a result have remained single and alone. And now since they’re known for being so “hard to get” almost know one bothers to approach them. It’s kind of depressing. In essence it’s like Karma finally coming back around but way worse. I’ve been a victim to quite a few people like that except I didn’t go on to find someone else, I just stopped opening up as well. And now it’s hard for me to get into anything serious. I literally don’t even know how I’d go about a relationship now. I know there’s a big feminist movement going on but sometimes females cause some pretty bad damage. I’m sorry that you’re going through this but this did help me. It’s just proof that there is some type of divine judgement for this. That probably sounds like a back handed compliment but none of this was directed at you personally, just a disclaimer. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

      1. These brutally honest raw posts are golden. I love it when you just vent. Please keep them coming.

        Like

      3. Well thank you. I feel kind of special now. Lol

        I really do look forward to reading more like that though. Keep up the good work. You’re getting better and better with each post, I swear.

        Like

      5. Oh and the next time you’re on IG check your DM’s (I hate saying DM’s by the way. It has such a negative connotation. It sounds so sleazy and lame).

        Like

      9. Thank you! Your love and support are everything. 🙏 I just realized that you’re literally everywhere; WP, YouTube, Patreon, IG, and more, even SoundCloud! That’s a lot. You are a hustler foreal. Keep up all the hard work. Its inspiring and motivating and I’m sure it’s gonna pay off in a major way one day. I believes in you! You go girl! Lol

        Like

      12. It’s so down to earth and really connects on a human and personal level. I know however that can be scary, especially with your following. But I encourage you to be yourself and be bold.

        Like

  46. Its okay to the be “the one that got away”. Gd has something different in store for you. Sometimes we try to…i guess the word I’m looking for is grieve for the relationships that “could have been”, but only God knows what could have been. And perhaps those could have beens wouldnt be as good as what He has planned. Yes, you may have made mistakes. We all do. No relationship is perfect.
    I will offer this:
    When you do run into to that one who could be the one, ask God about it first. See what he says. If He gives you the go ahead take it slow. Take your time. You don’t have to pour out your soul to every man/person you may court or find and interest in. Sometimes that hurts us more especially when God says “no”, or “maybe not right now”. Sometimes He may want you to share one thing with that person, but there are things that when you’re married you may wish you had saved just for him. Your little secrets you have together. Just the two of you. Its special, and a special bond.
    Yes do be vulnerable and real. Especially with people who may counsel you, or help you, or just give you good, godly advice you need in the moment.
    But save the good stuff for the one.
    Don’t let satan beat you with the could have beens because God has something better. He has so much more.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. I’ve been sitting in this same headspace for a long time. Rather having to look and say it’s time to walk away. I’ve expressed interest she’s shown a lack thereof and I can’t keep nurturing a one- sided love-affair. Yet at the same time, if women really want to play hard to get how do I know I’m not walking away a little too soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So glad you can relate! You’re right, sometimes you’ve just got to find someone who is willing to reciprocate. Games are so awful and a waste of time for all involved. There’s a girl out there who is deserving of you!! Don’t lose hope 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  49. If you are the one that got away they let you go too. Rightly or worryingly it’s the way it is. I think many people look back and realise lost opportunities. I don’t buy into this bullshit of there’s something better for you because that’s not always the case and can lead you to make bad choices.
    Be content with you and don’t be afraid to let someone in, but don’t be afraid to let them go if they’re bad for you. You deserve someone special 😊

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for this powerful perspective, Simon. You’re right – it was a two way street – they could have made it happen if they really wanted to. I have to remember that. thanks for stopping by. lots of great food for thought! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad you found it helpful, make sure you never forget your self worth. If you can’t see it others won’t.
        It’s always a pleasure to stop by you 😊
        Hugs back xoxo

        Like

  50. Sometimes, we make mistakes. It’s not the end of us.
    That said, love is about trust, and clearly something in you did not trust them. It could be your own character issue, however, I am a firm believer things happen in steps.
    There’s a verse in Song of Solomon that says Do not awaken love before it’s time. You didn’t rush and jump in. Running away meant you weren’t ready, and that’s ok. Now that you are, God can work with that without having to fight to position you. Now, get in the position to do the work and be worked on.

    Like

    1. wow you are on a reading roll!! I think you’re right – i’ve got to get in position to do the work and be worked on. i love that thought so much. thanks for sharing that wisdom with me 🙂 xoxo

      Like

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