Recovery: 10 Years Later

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Sometimes I am really blown away by people.

In a good way.

Not in a Kendall Jenner, Pepsi/Fyre Festival fiasco sort of way…


But in a, wow, how did I get so lucky, kind of way.

My best friend said the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me the other night.

We were sitting at a bar, and she proceeded to floor me with kindness.

And honestly, I’d muuuuch rather be self-deprecating than self-affirming, but I’ve decided to share this with you to show the full circle that God has brought me on.

She looked at me and said, “I’ve finally figured you out.”

And I asked her, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Caralyn, I’ve been your best friend since we were seven, and I’ve seen people just be drawn to you. Attracted to you. And I could never pinpoint what that “it factor” was. But I’ve finally figured it out. You’re the only person I’ve ever met with this characteristic, but you’re yellow.“

And I kind of looked at her puzzled. I mean I know I eat a lot of carrots as a vegan, but…yellow?


And she said that I give off the color yellow. That I’m kind, effervescent, and joyful, and people are drawn to my “yellow.” That they are attracted to the warmth and light of my “yellow” because it makes them feel warm, and good.

And I just looked at her almost in disbelief, taken aback by the incredibly generous affirmation my best friend just blessed me with.

“You’re my ‘yellow’ girl. You’re rare and beautiful. Make sure you find a guy who is deserving of your ‘yellow.'”

So why did I tell you this? Because I can assure you, my skin is crawling and I’ve getting stress hives with the level of rodomontade in this post. But allow me to just take you back for a quick moment.

Let me set the scene.

giphy-5

10 years ago. To the day. Yes, today is the ten year anniversary of when I went to inpatient treatment for my anorexia. And one of the most defining moments at inpatient was during family week. We were each asked to make an art project depicting how the eating disorder effected us personally.

And I remember exactly what I made, because there was no doubt in my mind as to how the eating disorder impacted me.

I made a black coffin out of construction paper, representing my anorexia. And then inside the coffin, I put all different colors of confetti.

The eating disorder killed my colors.

I have always been a vivacious, fun loving, spunky, full of life – and full of color – girl. But my anorexia wiped out all the color in my life. It shrouded my life with a blanket of darkness.

And the thing is, I never thought I would be able to regain it. The pallor of my existence seemed too despairing to be able to imagine a life in color again. And even during much of my recovery, I felt as though I was still missing that vibrancy. I was a muted version of who I was. Of who God made me to be.

So wouldn’t you know, that on the eve of my 10 year recovery anniversary, that my best friend, who has known me through all stages – all colors – of my life, would tell me that I’m the only yellow person that she knows, it made me just smile at the goodness of God.


He has brought me full circle.

Ten years later, he has restored me. Brought me back to who I was. And confirmed it through my best friend in the whole world. I had never told her about that episode with the family week art project. She didn’t know that “colors” were anything meaningful to me. It was just from her heart. And, I believe, how God encouraged me and recognized my anniversary weekend.

The journey of recovery is long and arduous. And one that I haven’t been alone on. God has been rebuilding me, brick by brick, every day, a little more and more vibrant. You can’t always see your own progress, but others can. Especially your best friend.

Restoration is possible. Even when it seems unimaginable, nothing is impossible for God. And I’m sitting here, ten years later, confirming just that.


God has brought me back to life. Brought my colors back to life.

I’ve got my yellow back.

Outlook: sunny.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

379 thoughts on “Recovery: 10 Years Later”

  1. I really enjoyed this article! Well written! At times we shall hit a low and suffer a little in life but we shall rise again! We shall fly again and be colourful again! in God we trust!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Blessings on your 10 year anniversary! Thanking you (& God!) for the gift of freedom you have to share your journey with us so we can be touched with your yellows – & all the vibrant colors of the rainbow of God’s love in & through you.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Have you ever went back and read over the comments of your posts – All I see is words like:Restoration, Transformation,Love,God,Rise,Openness,Touching,Blessings,Anniversary,Freedom,Journey,Encouragement, Happiness, etc. Oh what a totally refreshing feeling that has to be knowing where you came from and where you are at this point in your life. God is good. So glad that your Yellow is back!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Made me think of how Yellow… sunshine .. light …. all the colors. 😉 like the colorful confetti in the coffin idea you did. Glad to see the Light is shining out!! Bless u. 🙂 #thanksforsharing

    Liked by 1 person

      1. 🙂 your blog is one of the most inspiring, and enjoyable. When I get a chance I like to do a ‘catch up’ :). You’re awesome!

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    1. Aw friend thank you for sharing that. I know that there is hope to be found and I know that your spirit is full of color. 🙂 sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to let it shine through. And you, friend, have that inside of you. I feel it through your beautiful words of encouragement. You are colorful to me 🙂 hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  26. Aren’t best friends just the greatest?! It is so beautiful when God uses someone who has known us throughout every stage of life to affirm that we are back on track to who we were created to be 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Sometimes it feels like it takes forever to be restored in recovery, doesn’t it? Then all the sudden sometimes sees you shine and you realize you had it in you all along.
    Congratulations on 10 years!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Congratulations on 10 years!!! It isn’t always to see the light at the end of a tunnel, but your story is a reminder that there is always hope. It is always possible to find the “yellow” no matter what life puts us through. Great post and timely for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Congratulations on the 10 years! that’s amazing and so proud of you!!! Even though I don’t know you I think you are my friend and an amazing friend. Yellow definitely describes you like the picture for your blog 🙂 hope you had a fantastic day and keep being yellow

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  32. You are the brightest yellow I know 💛 you can change a cloudy day (we get those a lot in the UK 😂) into a bright happy day 💛 you have kept me going a lot more times than I have told you, I hope one day I’m lucky enough to meet you in person, maybe when you visit the UK 💛 love you to bits my beautiful friend 💛 always here for you when ever you need to talk 💛

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    1. Oh my gosh Benjamin, thank you so much. Gosh what a kind note. I am truly so touched by your generous words. I am so grateful to have you in my life. And yes! That would be amazing. Fingers crossed that our paths cross one day in person. Sending such big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  34. Darling, I need your prayers, and what you are writing about here is what it is about….restoration.

    50 years ago, my first nephew (my parent’s first grandchild) was killed at the age of 5; he was run over by a truck in the street in front of his house. My sister had given him permission to play across the street. For these 50 years, we have made allowances for my sister’s behavior and attitude because of the horror of that experience. She has said recently that she has no intention of ever ‘dealing with’ Stede’s death.

    Because she was the oldest, and 8 years older than the next child, she was put in charge of the rest of us. She wears her resentment for that like a shawl, relating all of her limitations to her not having had a childhood and the burden of always having to be mindful of us. She seems to believe that what she has endured gives her license to be cruel. In truth, she was cruel and abusive to us when we were very young. She continues to be cruel, selfish, and dismissive of others.

    On Sunday, I wrote to her and told her that enough was enough…to find a way to heal. Yesterday, I forwarded to her Richard Rohr’s meditation on “Avoiding Transformation” (Meditations@cac.org). I daresay this will not be received well. I am all about learning from our life lessons; I firmly believe that this learning is why we are given these lessons. But I had to learn my lessons and then let them go…otherwise my focus stayed on myself and I was not any benefit to anyone else. If there is more to learn, it will come up again.

    Please, Caralyn, pray for my sister, my family (particularly her two living sons), and me. It’s going to be a rough ride…unless she just dismisses my messages, altogether.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing this with me. I am so sorry that you’ve had to walk this difficult road. I will definitely keep your sister, your family and you in my prayers. It’s always hard to put the pieces back together after such a tragedy. My heart goes out to you all. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  37. Such an encouraging post. I happened to be writing a post today about rebuilding a life within the confines of ME/cfs…I’m still in the early brick stages. Your post certainly gave a much needed lift. Thank you, and Congratulations.

    Like

  40. This is awesome! you are such an inspiration. I am so proud of you! I know i’m beginning my recovery but I hope my life is like this in ten years. It is hard to picture, but this gives me hope!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. WOW you are an awesome writer girl. Beautybeyondbones.com. You made me tear up and sob a little realizing my journey in life with those that added to my colors. I’m not sure about my color, but you are right about yours. You are colored warm “yellow” with kindness and joy from having suffered in your early life like I have. Pain and sorrow make us more sensible, less SELFISH and kinder to others. We tend to see the pain in others and are drawn to them to help them and love them at the same time. Many accept, others reject us like we have a disease. But that’s ok. God made us that way and he knows our hearts are pure from having gone through pain from very early in life. A sickness, or neglect or even disdain from one’s own family. God is is kind, he made great people like you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  46. You shine brighter than any light combo the Empire State can throw out on the clearest of clear nights!! Empire State?? Try all of Manhattan plus the rest of the whole Tri State Area down there with stadiums, airport lights everything that can project, YOU are still brighter!!! Your light has come from a darkness that you have made into a reason to keep on smiling to keep in living, to keep on shining no matter what each day brings. God Bless you and hugs and love always!!

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  48. I believe you are yellow but also orange and pink. Orange for the innate warmth you have toward people in loving them so well. Pink for your inviting-ness. Yes, it is a word now. So, God bless you, beautiful woman of God! Keep doing your thing. May God bless you in all the colors you bring to the world!!! XO

    Liked by 1 person

  49. The colors of my life, is also saying that the color of life is way beautiful than just yellow. It’s the grateful action towards your mother care that colors of life has started to blossom and people see the real colors of yours.

    Liked by 1 person

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