Permission to Let Go

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well, I just finished my book.

I’ll hold for applause.

Juuuuuust kidding. 🙂 Although, it is exciting, and I did a little happy dance last night to some Broadway show tunes to commemorate the occasion.

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But it’s been really interesting to have to go back. To put myself back in that place, ten years ago, when I was going to inpatient for my anorexia. Which, wouldn’t you know, upon my entrance, I was in denial that I even had an eating disorder at all, and was adamant that I wasn’t anorexic.

And as I’ve been writing, I’ve realized just how much I am not that girl anymore. I can barely even recognize myself. And I’m not just talking about the glaringly obvious physical transformation. The truth is, I barely recognize my heart.

But it’s been really powerful – and monstrously difficult – to mentally go back and think about what I would say to that girl. What I would say to that girl who is hurting. Angry. Alone. Terrified. Anxious. Exhausted. Defeated. What would I say to her, who is at the absolute lowest point in her life?

What would get through to her? Because honestly, what I needed to hear is not exactly “first date” conversation. It took an intense intervention, with a close family friend getting two inches away from my nose, looking me dead in the eyes, saying, “Do you know what you’re doing to your father?” But that’s a story for another day.

What I’ve come to realize, while writing this book and simultaneously caring for my mom during her stroke recovery, is that I think sometimes, we’re looking for permission to let go of something that is bad for us.

Which sounds incredibly simple.

But I think we all can find ourselves at one point or another with a death grip on something that is – either blatantly or conspicuously – destructive. Something that gives us a false sense of control. A distorted sense of comfort.

Sometimes we’re desperate for someone to tell us that it’s okay to let it go.

Because it’s scary to let go of what’s been sustaining us. Giving up that which has been our way to cope with the world. Manage our fear and anxiety. Give us purpose. We ruthlessly protect it, even if it’s bad for us. Perhaps, especially if it’s bad for us.

We let go, and then what? We’re in a free fall? We’ve lost control. What will become of us? Life will be unbearable. How can I give up that which has been keeping me ‘alive?’

But what we don’t respect, is that all the striving and the hanging-on-for-dear-life we’re doing, is exhausting. We’re desperately tired and worn, but that absolute need for control and fear-management, it overrides that exhaustion.

We need someone to give us permission to let it go.

Because, if we really look inside our hearts, we’ve been looking for that permission all along.

The thing is, I am not the person who has the authority to tell anyone that. Sure, I may suggest it and present the life-changing ramifications of a life let go. But ultimately, that comes down to her and God.

She’s got to trust that He’s going to catch her. She’s got to trust that He will become that life source, that comfort, that sustenance for her. She has to deem Him dependable.

 It’s been so interesting to be writing this book here. In this time. During this season of regrowth and renewal for my mom after her stroke in December. Because there are nights when I realize that everything I’ve been writing, it’s as though it were written just for my mom, too.

We’re all recovering from something.

And we all are somewhere in the process of relinquishing the control that we’re clinging to, and trusting that the Father will truly have our best interest at heart.

It’s a delicate balance.

And a maneuver that takes a lifetime to come to fruition.

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I’m finding myself still working on that give-and-take, that push-and-pull with God over control. Except this time, it’s not about weight gaining supplements and meal plans, but things like, future plans, not fearing my current place in life, worries about finding love. The things of a typical 20-something-home-assisting-her-mother’s-stroke-recovery.

So what would I say?

Going back to that scared, hurting girl on the precipice of the most grueling and frightening fight for her life?

He’s got you. Let Him have you.

And perhaps, I need to hear that too.

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Sometimes, what we hold onto – what we’re afraid of letting go – is actually prohibiting us from being free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

350 thoughts on “Permission to Let Go”

  2. Congratulations on finishing your book! I’ve yet to complete my book and I just keep writing. I’ve compiled enough for ten books but can’t make myself take the time to finish. I’m not sure what it is, the lack of consecutive moments of quiet to assemble it or the fear of putting it out there. I do know that I am about to enter a new phase of my life and I hope that getting that first book finished is one of the first parts of that.

    While we are very different, we are much the same and I love reading about your recovery. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You’ve written some powerful words here. We’re all recovering from something may be my favorite, but the most true for me is He’s got you. Let Him have you. You knocked it out of the park with this one.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What a blessing, what a gift🎁 to share your testimony with the world. You have become an amazing woman, friend, mentor and inspiration to many. Your trials have been worth the fight because God knew only you could appreciate it in a such a way that it would be used to bless others and help them overcome. If I knew you outside the walls of these blogs. I would definitely ask you to dinner. God Bless you for your bravery, growth and sharing. “Believe that real Inspiration Lies within you”.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much. Gosh that is such a kind thing to say. I am seriously so touched by your generous and encouraging words. Haha, aw. That would be a fun dinner! 🙂 thanks again. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  6. Wow, this post totally hit home! When I struggled with suicidality, I used it to use it to seek control and help with my fear in the face of medical problems, much as you described was the case with anorexia. I’ve had a similar journey too of the ‘push-and-pull’ of needing to let go to God. You’re right: I want to help others see the available freedom, but ultimately they need to hear His voice; mine alone won’t suffice. Great post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing it. I’m so glad it resonated with you. And I’m so glad that you’re in a better place. Letting go and giving it to God is truly how we navigate this life. Thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  7. X 🙂 YAY! congratulations on finishing your book! what a wonderful and inspiring achievement 🙂 your blog has helped me so much and a while back, when I was feeling stuck in my own recovery I went back and read through some of your early posts, knowing that someone else has made it through and allowed themselves to change really helped me find the courage to keep on keeping on, finding my own path and having faith. Can I also say that I really respect you for the fact that even though each of your posts has many hundreds of comments you always take the time to reply in a personal way? I really admire that 🙂 having time for people even when you’re busy is a beautiful thing xx sending you loads of gratitude and support and looking forward to getting a copy of your book! 🙂 Em

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Em! Oh gosh, than you so much. I appreciate you sharing in the excitement with me! And wow, thank you for saying that. I’m so glad that my blog was helpful to you. And gosh, I am just so grateful that you would take the time out of your day to read my words. So THANK YOU!! 🙂 sending the biggest hugs in the world. xox

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Congratulations on your book. I know it will bless and provide hope for many who are struggling with what you went through. May it find favor in the dizzying book market!
    Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. You are so strong. As someone that also struggles with mental illness, this really really resonated with me: “What I’ve come to realize, while writing this book and simultaneously caring for my mom during her stroke recovery, is that I think sometimes, we’re looking for permission to let go of something that is bad for us.” I have bad habits and wallow. I need to let go!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I know I’ve probably said this before, but I am amazed at your story.
    This post was different though…as I read it, I began to feel my skin chill and then a warm feeling came over me. You have such away of expressing your joy at life that it’s contagious.
    And what an exciting time for you to have accomplished this book-writing task?!?!? Congratulations.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. “He’s got you. Let Him have you”. That is something that we all need to hear every once in a while. Congratulation on finishing your book and for completing another chapter of your lifes story.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Congrats! It’s wonderful that you are using your experience to help other people–I think that is the best way to handle any hardship you’ve encountered. So many will be impacted 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Congratulations, Caralyn. Having spent a year compiling the raw material for my own book and writing the first three chapters, and then another year ignoring it so I wouldn’t have to look at it critically, and only now just getting back into it, I know how nuts a goal it is. Way to go.

    Do you have a publisher or a contract nailed down yet?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Brandon! Thank you so much! and how awesome! I’m glad you’re getting back into it! I will be really excited to check it out when you finish! 🙂 I don’t yet. that’s my project for next week, is to do the research on getting one. So if you have any suggestions…!! haha jk jk alright, have an awesome afternoon! big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I actually do have a few thoughts.

        First, aim high with this project. You have what most budding Christian writers would give their right arms for…a massive platform from which to market the book and a relevant, provocative topic with a ready-made audience. That’s like walking up to a loan officer with an 800 credit score. Don’t squander those assets by settling for self-publishing or novelty houses. I can’t tell you whether God will have you aiming for the upper-tier publishers (don’t forget to ask him!), but when it comes to practical advice while you wait for that…you definitely have the tools to get their attention, and to reach and bless an enormous number of people by going through them.

        Second, I’d recommend buying the Christian Writers’ Market Guide for 2017. It will tell you which publishers are compatible with your material, theology, and exposure goals; which are pay-to-play and which are traditional; contact info and procedures, etc. It was hugely helpful in giving some shape to my early research. I had no idea where to start before that!

        Finally, I’d also suggest “Book Proposals That Sell” by Terry Whalin. There’s still a lot of work ahead in pitching your idea to crammed, overworked publishers. There’s a bit of a science to it, and reading Whalin not only helped me get my proposal down, but also improved my book.

        Finally, of course, ask God for his guidance. No better advice than that. I’ll be praying for your publisher search, and when you’ve got something to advertise, I’ll be happy to help.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. WOW. Wow wow wow. Brandon, you have no idea how helpful this is. THANK YOU!! i have screenshotted it and it’s not my checklist. Thanks for this practice and encouraging advice. YOU ROCK!!!!! HUGS

        Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you so much. Yeah, you’re right, there is a lot of crossover between the two, but yes! let’s claim it for the living too! thanks for stopping by! i hope you have a beautiful weekend! big hugs xox

      Like

  26. You finished a book? Wonderful! Applause! Applause! I think I suggested that a few months ago, but I understand wanting to keep it on the downlow 😉
    I know what it feels like to finally get that thing done. Are you going to self-publish or look for a publisher?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes! Thanks David! i’m actually just sitting here editing it right now 🙂 Right now I’m thinking of looking for a publisher, so if you know of any…!! 🙂 haha thanks for stopping by! big hugs xo

      Like

  29. Love this!! Thank you for sharing. Powerful message we all either identify with … Or need to hear. And congratulations! Am God bless your next steps…publishing, marketing, publicity, or the next book!

    Liked by 2 people

  35. Wow! Really powerful words. Isn’t it so true… we never know what others trials are, they may look different, but like you said we are all recovering from something. I can not wait to read your book – you are a very inspiring writer. Keep at it!

    Liked by 2 people

  38. Hi Caralyn, may I ask what the book is about? Also, is it out yet on Amazon? I’d like to read it eventually. 🙂
    While reading this post, 2 songs came to mind: Frozen – Let It Go, Duke Dumont – I Got U. Just felt like sharing.
    Ciao later xo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha Frozen, you know I didn’t even think about that iconic song when I was writing it! gosh, how did i miss that!?? hah my niece would be very disappointed in my oversight 🙂 haha thanks! it’s not yet on amazon yet, but i’ll let you know when it’s out. i’m trying to shop it to a publisher. And i’ll do a big post on it soon!! 🙂 hope you’re having a great night! hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  39. I can relate to this so much. After I got bullied, I developed a slew of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Were they good for my emotional and mental health? No. But they kept me alive. And it took me years to develop the courage to slowly peel away those bad habits and replace them with good ones. I needed permission from myself to recover because for a while I got so wrapped up in the suffering that I didn’t want to let go. I was afraid of recovery and I knew it was wrong, but I was too scared to rock the boat. But here I am now.

    That got deeper than I thought it would lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey friend:) thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so glad you gave yourself that permission. Yes! Here you are now 🙌 I love it – thank you so much for sharing your heart! ❤ and hey, if anyone appreciates deep thoughts, it’s this girl right here 😁 have a great rest of your night! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  40. Congrats on finishing your book, girl! ❤ And I agree on this: He’s got you. Let Him have you.

    Like

  41. Such wonderful news finishing your book! How exciting! Still working on mine.
    I’ve got to ask you something…how in the world did you get so smart and insightful? Your words are so simple and powerful. You articulate what I can not. Not to mention I needed to hear this so desperately and I didn’t even know it. Thank you so much for sharing and caring and doing God’s work. You have quite a testimony, don’t ever stop telling it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, thank you friend. I am seriously so touched and humbled by this generous comment!!! Keep going! I look forward to reading yours one day:) God is good and saw me through a lot of really challenging days, so all i can do is thank Him 🙂 so glad you stopped by and that this hit home with you tonight. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  42. Congratulations!! Thats an amazing accomplishment. One that deserves many, many happy dances. 🙌🏼
    One of the most healing things I’ve done for myself is publish my memoir.

    Like

  43. This is a little off topic but the other day I was watching one of my fav childhood – early childhood – tv shows and thought, gee, she reminds me of BBB. The show was That Girl and you used that phrase three times in the opening here! Funny coincidence. I get a lot of those, especially with people who are “in tune.” https://youtu.be/pA2t0LQSoIU
    🙂

    Like

    1. hahah oh my gosh what a funny coincidence! I’ve actually never seen that show, but I’ll definitely have to do a little research! I’m so touched that you would think of me!! thanks so much! hope you’re having a great weekend! Bighugs ox

      Liked by 1 person

  44. You right everyone wants something but sometimes​ we make mistakes sometimes that something good can come out it, not always but if we stay strong and face our problems and fears, we can mode ourselves in people we want to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Michael. I think you’re right, mistakes *will* eventually come, and it’s really comforting to know that that doesn’t have to be the end of the story. thanks for stopping by 🙂 big hugs xo

      Like

      1. Yeah this blog just kind of help me with a mistake I made recantly. I wrote a post but I kept details and names out of it and had it as a general post, that people can relate to. It might take two on the mistake I made but it doesn’t help with someone else during the same as I did with different in tenseness from my, but either way I smart on how to deal with situations like that without making more mistakes that are worse.

        Like

  45. What a nourishing, encouraging and inspiring post. “We’re all recovering from something.” Ain’t that the truth?

    Congratulations on finishing your book. Let me know where I can find a copy.

    And my best wishes to you and your Mum for continued recoveries.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Caralyn, I came here to simply ask if I could use one of your text pictures. There is a leaf in it, and it says, “I still remember the days I prayed for the life I have now.”
    I came to your blogpost here to ask for that in the comments, but felt the Holy Spirit’s tugging to read this post… I praise Jesus I did.
    With tears, I have realized I have been hanging onto some destructive legalism (as if it were ever not destructive). It rears it’s ugly head a lot, but like your post said, I have not let it go because I felt comfortable and secure in it… not realizing I’ve been waiting to let it go.
    But Jesus wants me to let it go. And I choose to. Today.
    I praise Jesus, that you have allowed Him to use you. ❤
    Have a blessed day.

    (PS: Can I use the picture that I am talking about for a post?)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh. I am so touched by this. I’m so glad that you stumbled upon this post and that it resonated with you in your heart. You can *absolutely* use that photo! Big hugs to you. Know that you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers 🙂 Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aw, Caralynn!!! Praise Jesus for you. Thank you for your prayers 💕 how can I be praying for you??

        Liked by 1 person

  47. Hi BBB,

    I hear you. Lord, help us let go of the extra stuff that is keeping us from giving our best to the things you want to do with our lives. I pray you keep moving forward with your book. Keep pressing on!

    In Christ,

    Gary

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “Well, I just finished my book. I’ll hold for > applause. Juuuuuust kidding. 🙂 Although, it is exciting, and I did a > little happy dance last night to some Broadway show tunes to commemorate > the occasion. But it’s been really interesting to have to go b” >

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Hello! I’m in the middle of writing a book about when I used to have an eating disorder (and this blog post really hits the nail) I would love to read your book! And do you think there’s any way I could quote some of this post in my book? (with, of course, all credit to you!) xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  50. Good blog. I think you’re spot on about our trying to control our lives. I know that was something I faced especially in my past and it just ends badly, the harder we try to hang onto our life the worse things get. Thankfully Jesus stepped into my life and I finally saw (and am still growing up into) that I don’t have to control or fix anything, Jesus already did it freely, I just live in His victory, His love.

    Thanks for the like, too!

    Liked by 1 person

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