Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
This post tonight, is being served with a side of indignation.
Because I am angry.
I hesitate to post this, because, well…you’ll see. But I need to vent.
You see, I’ve recently started reaching out to various potential sponsors for my blog. Exciting times, I know.
So I contacted an eating disorder treatment center this afternoon. Wrote them a beautiful letter, inviting them to check out my blog.
And this woman sends me back a one-liner: “Certainly promotes being skinny!”
Certainly promotes being skinny…exclamation point.
Do you hear that? It’s the sound of the are-you-freaking-kidding-me explosion of outrage detonating inside my soul.
But more than outraged, I was just hurt.
First of all…the fact that a mental health professional wrote such a derogatory word to a former anorexic is just the epitome of insensitive.
But this blog is an extension of my soul. Literally. I have poured out everything I have – my spirit, my weaknesses, failings, struggles, triumphs, fears — everything — in the hopes that even one person would read my words and feel comforted that they’re not alone. Find hope. Encouragement. And for someone to merely reduce it to something as superficial as being about promoting “being skinny” — it was just an ice cold slap in the face.
During my anorexia, I nearly died in the quest for “skinniness.” I starved myself down to 78 pounds, and even then, I didn’t believe that I was “skinny” enough. The scale and my reflection tormented my spirit and led me to destroy relationships, miss my high school graduation, delay college, become infertile, plague my self-worth and seriously damage my relationship with God. Not to mention becoming osteopenic as an 18-year-old girl, flirting with death.
Skinny almost killed me. And I’ll be damned if I ever do anything remotely close to promoting it.
Lastly, I don’t mean to be all “over-sensitive.” I mean, I can hear my father reading this right now, going, “Just let it go…” (In the most loving way possible, of course.)
But I took this very personally. I mean, it goes without saying that my image is all over this blog. And, okay…maybe too much, I’ll admit.
But, I have been very open with the fact that I have Ulcerative Colitis. And the way I have stayed in remission for the last six years is through a radical, therapeutic diet, called the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. (SCD) The Seattle Children’s Hospital actually just published a study a few weeks ago, proving that it cured 80% of the participants with Crohn’s/Colitis.
But it’s how I have to eat, and I have done a damn good job, if I do say so myself, because it is hard. But it is what I have to do to stay in remission. I was on bed rest for eleven months with an Ulcerative Colitis flare in 2011 that nearly took my life, and the SCD saved me – (and my intestines from being removed). In fact, I even published a cookbook with my SCD recipes.
BUT – all that being said, I am very well aware that this therapeutic way of eating keeps me slim. But I work hard to maintain a healthy weight, and I do. And I do not appreciate getting slapped with the term “skinny” from this mental health professional who apparently only qualifies women as “recovered” if they are on the high end of normal.
I’m sorry, would you like me to send you my vitals and recent blood work?
I just. I have no words.
And I’m sorry if this sounds like an eye-roll-worthy rant fest from a thin girl complaining for getting called “skinny.” Believe me, I know that there are far more pressing issues in the world.
So. To placate this insular inferno…here are six things this blog does promote.
1) Loving God, because without Him, we can do nothing.
2) Loving other people, because everyone is on a journey, and could use a friend along the way.
3) Claiming the truth that you are loved by the Creator, and deserve to live in that abundant joy each and every day.
4) Accept and embrace our short comings and weaknesses, because they do not define us, and have been forgiven and redeemed through Christ.
5) Recognizing that I have worth and value because Christ died for me, and nothing in my past – even an eating disorder – can negate that fact.
6) Loving Christ in you…therefore, loving yourself.
Never has been. Never will be.
Hope that clears things up…
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