Guarding My Heart: Redefined

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

There are certain things that I’ve vowed never to do again…

Number one: Drink tequila on an empty stomach.

Number two: Google myself.

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Number three: Look up ex-boyfriends on Facebook.

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Because let me tell you, it is a swift punch in the gut to see what they’re up to and who they ended up with. Just heart ache that I’d rather not have to deal with, you know?

So I’ve made Facebook a safe zone…not even Zuckerberg-style “Friends” with them on there.

However…music is still a crap shoot.

Because sometimes, you’ll be listening to the singer/songwriter station, and you’ll get accosted by The Song. And this one in particular, is Howie Day’s Collide. It was our song.

And it came on tonight. Just a little while ago, actually.

And to be totally honest, I had another post planned for tonight…but that was until I heard this 00’s angsty crooner, and was fighting back tears.

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And as I was sitting in the car, in the garage, feeling this rush of a myriad of emotions, I found myself grappling with this one thought:

Giving my heart away.

What was the price? Because, honestly, getting verklempt every time that dumb song comes on certainly seems a bit much, right?

Was it worth it?

It’s no secret on here that I’m saving sex until marriage.

Yeah, you read that correctly…I’m a virgin….

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But just because I haven’t given my body away, doesn’t mean that I haven’t given parts of my heart away.

And was it worth it?

*Sigh* That is a tough question. And, I don’t know if it’s the 2 vodka/sodas I had with my sister-in-law tonight, or my present emotional conundrum, but it’s 1am, and it’s literally keeping me “up at night,” wide awake, writing this post.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve grown up being taught that my heart was worth protecting. That it was to be guarded.

And so as any good little Catholic girl, I did just that. Perhaps, to a fault…says the painfully single twenty-something…

But I guess I can see, that advice is for a good reason.

I did give a part of my heart to him. A part that I can never get back. A part that I cannot give to my future husband one day.

But more than anything, it’s a hole. A little peep hole that allows me to peek through and revisit that person in my mind. A little potential looking spot that causes me to have to block him on Facebook, and swear off old high school yearbooks.

But it makes me truly question then, how one can find love while still guarding their heart?

Do we never let anyone in so as not to get hurt, or do we risk the potential heartache and give our precious heart to anyone worth a “swipe right?”

And I had two thoughts.

Number one: This visceral response to a fricking Howie Day song is positively confirmation that I am 100% making the right decision about saving myself until marriage.

If this is how my heart responds after a relationship that didn’t involve sex, I cannot imagine how completely obliterated my spirit would be had I given my body away, too.

But Number Two: It made me question the true meaning of “guarding my heart.”

And all this time, I pictured in my mind this impenetrable box that could withstand the zombie apocalypse.

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But what if that’s not the meaning at all?

What if I’ve been dead wrong the whole time?

What if “guarding my heart” actually meant giving it to Jesus?

What if I’m supposed to give it to Him to guard? Let Him keep it safe, and all the while, shaping it into a heart that’s ready to be given?

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That’s the real way to guard and protect it.

God doesn’t want me to pull a Rapunzel, and shut it away completely. Nor take the opposite extreme.

He just wants me to give it to Him to protect. He’s the best Defender anyways.

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Howie Day’s Collide, it may always have a little hold on my heart. I mean, I confess, after hearing it tonight, I may or may not have busted out the old yearbooks and scrapbooks, and taken a painful trip down memory lane.

But I bet if I give my heart to Jesus to protect, He’ll be able to shape it so that I can let that acoustic accompaniment go. And Collide will no longer cause an emotional collision between past and reality.

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340 thoughts on “Guarding My Heart: Redefined”

  2. Dear Caralyn
    I honour you for letting Jesus keep your heart. To love God with all our heart, mind and strength is our primary task in this world. But may I just comment in a more secular way, before returning to the sacred?
    Happiness and joy are different. In my experience, happiness is a state that grows when two people work together at it. Joy, by contrast, is just pure luck; it either happens or it doesn’t. And to rely on a partnership based on joy is risky, because there is the tendency of both partners to rely on the feeling of joy rather than on the hard work that’s needed..
    From what you tell us in the post, you experienced joy in your relationship, and it is the lack of that joy that now causes you pain.
    Some people seem to need joy to survive. Provided you are a risk-taker, and you get lucky, that can work. But if you’re risk-averse, it’s a pretty risky strategy. Better to start from a solid friendship and work to build happiness together.
    I’ve felt the joy of being ‘in love’. It’s an enormously compelling and seductive feeling, and it’s agonising when you lose it. But I’ve spent a good part of a lifetime (over forty years married) building happiness. Happiness lasts, and is very satisfying.
    So, what sort of person are you? What sort of life do you feel God is leading you towards? Are you waiting for joy, when perhaps you should be taking an opportunity He makes for your life-long happiness?
    With love
    Penny xx

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    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful response, Penny. You’re so right – loving God really is our primary task in the world, and when we realize that, everything else kinds of falls into place. So much great food for thought here, friend. thanks for sharing 🙂 big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, you are such a strong, wise, and courageous young woman for not giving in to peer pressure and the seduction of our culture, and for not being shamed into thinking it’s too embarrassing to admit!
    I so wanted and prayed for my girls to keep themselves pure until marriage, but they chose otherwise and have to live with the consequences. It’s definitely easier to give in to that temptation than it is to stay pure.
    God will bless you richly for giving your heart fully to him and he will heal it, you’ll see.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oh my gosh Mia, thank you so much. What a kind response. yeah, definitely not something i shout from the rooftops in my day to day life, but here on the blog, I’ve been rather open about it haha. Thanks for your encouragement. big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Regardless of your belief, your body is your temple. When you decide who is worthy of it, that’s when it’s suppose to happen. I hope when it’s time for a partner to show up in life, the idea that no one will be 100 ideal will be with you. Compromise with life an God is on going until you die. Remember to consult God in your actions and prayers and let it lead you. Remember that the Lord never has the wrong answers. Much love!

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  5. Very encouraged to know you are guarding your body, mind and now your heart for the Lord’s safekeeping. The ‘hole’ of heart that you gave away, will be mended and healed in God’s time too! Hang in there sister! While waiting for God’s blessed timing in your future love, continue to live life fully, being a minister to people around you, be mentored and mentor others into Hid glorious Kingdom’s purposes! Blessings, Angie. Thank you for follwing my space too.

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  6. You said you didn’t know how you’d feel if you gave your body away. Not going to lie it hurts. Granted, I didn’t give mine away it was taken, so now I feel as if everything I worked towards and stood for was for nothing. I feel tainted and as if I’ve gone against my beliefs. But, maybe you would have felt differently if you wanted to do it. It’s still a healing process and I wanted to comment because your last picture quote really spoke to me. “Release the unchangeable past and embrace the future.” Definitely easier said than done, but it’s something I’m working on.

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    1. Hi Alexandria, thank you so much for sharing part of your story. I’m so sorry that it was taken from you. Thank just breaks my heart. You did not deserve to have that happen to you. You deserve to be respected and cherished and i’m just so sorry that that happened. I’m sending you such a big hug. Yes, let’s embrace the future 🙂 xoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Its nothing wrong with being careful. When you give your heart, spirit and soul to the right one it will be forever so you want to make sure to get it right. We are emotional beings, we are moved by words, songs, expressions so it’s ok to go down memory lane but remember why you took that right and decided to follow God’s path!

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  8. Guarding your heart is always a constant struggle. I try to tell my daughters to seek wisdom, and we define wisdom as a kind of guardrail that keeps you back from the edge of all the pain and hurt. From my own life, I’ve learned that I can never depend on myself as the source of that wisdom. Surrounding myself with people that believe in the same values as me, and seeking God in each day helps keep my own selfish ego and emotions in check. It sounds like you are on a great path. It thrills me to hear about someone bucking the trend of culture and pursuing a course of what is true, right, and good. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

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    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing this. You’re so right – seek wisdom. I love that imagery of the guardrail – very powerful. Thanks for passing along this powerful perspective. Means a lot 🙂 big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you for sharing this. Guarding my.heart is something I’ve been reflecting on a lot in the past two years and I love thinking about how the proper way to guard our hearts is by giving them to Jesus.

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  10. I think you have it, Caralyn. I had written in my book that if I let God hold my heart, I can be vulnerable and give of myself to others because no one can take away what He’s holding. That overcomes the conundrum of guarding yet being open to love. We can love from Love rather than looking for love.

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  11. It just started reading your posts and I see what a beautifully sensitive young woman you are. This one got me because Collide is also the song for my relationship, the one I’m in now. Giving my heart away has always been painful. But then the day came when I realize that it was exactly that, the pain that made my heart powerfully strong and my love overflowing for all people not just one individual. And then I realized that the love that God has for me is shaped and molded by the joys and the sorrows and quite frankly I really like who I Have Become. So the tears of having giving my heart to the wrong person in the past has caused me to grow stronger and now that If have given my heart to the right man I see that every ounce of pain I have ever felt was entirely worth it. and I feel the love of my heavenly father more than I ever have.

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    1. Hi Julie, thank you so much for your kind words. Aw, Collide buddies! it really is such a great song. Ament to that – we grow stronger with everything we go through. Thanks for sharing that. I’m so glad you’re feeling His love! God is good! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Beautiful post. I did the Facebook thing a few weeks ago and I can relate. Joshua Harris has written a few good books for us single Christian people. I love your honesty and I speak from experience it does get easier. I can’t listen to my heart will go one. Bring back some painful memories but Jesus is helping. God bless you xxx

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    1. Hi Emma! Oh thank you so much for this thoughtful refection. Yeah, I feel ya there…Facebook can become a black hole if we let it! And amen – Jesus is helping and will heal those places of hurt 🙂 Sending such big hugs and love. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  13. First of all, songs kick my heart right in the feelings all the time. That’s a gift that you can feel so deeply to be moved like that. Second of all this post and the talk of your heart reminds me of a quotation from Maya Angelou- “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her.”

    I really love that idea because I am seeking God with all that I am right now. I feel alone on the human level (no romance for almost a year!) but spiritually I know I am never alone. I am in a position where I’m not guarding my heart but the heart of potential foolish females that could be beguiled into dating me right now… I’m giving my heart to God to keep others safe… I am open to God moving a woman into my life but he would literally have to hit me over the head with her to get my attention at this point. At any rate, great post my friend, thanks for sharing and I apologise for the long response… it’s been a while so I had lots to say 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much for this great response! Kick it right in the feelings…that saying made me chuckle. but you’re so right! it’s crazy how songs can have such a powerful impact on our hearts!! I love that quote. And wow, it sounds like you’re in an awesome place in your life right now, seeking Him, and knowing that you’re not alone. That’s such a powerful place to live and love from! Hahah, yeah, that’s kinda where I am too…I’m like…”OK God, please literally hit me over the head with The One!” hahah thanks for taking the time to read! great to hear from you!! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  14. So relatable. Sometimes it seems hopeless but don’t give up. Everyday is one step closer to finding the love you truly deserve. Keep guarding your beautiful heart until they Day when God sends you the one who will appreciate you genuinely. Great post and I loved your honesty.

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  15. Gosh, I seriously have been dealing with almost the same thing (minus the part where I’ve actually been in a relationship, because I haven’t.) Have you ever heard the song “Sleeping Beauty” by Karla Torres? It addresses this subject.
    I agree about giving your heart to Jesus. I used to think guarding my heart meant keeping it away from anyone of the opposite sex, but I think it really means being open to them, and letting God take care of the complications beyond our control.
    Anyway, nice to hear someone else’s perspective on it.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing this 🙂 I really appreciate it. I haven’t heard that song, but i will definitely check it out! thanks for passing it along. you’re so right- we’ve gotta just let God be God. Thanks xx

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  16. Sorry for your break-up. These are necessary in life, as there was something you learned from that individual or situation and they were meant to be in your life for a short time to get to that next step. It hurts, but in time, you will see that it wasn’t a perfect fit. God has a plan and it’s always better than the one we make for ourselves. If I had ended up with my first serious boyfriend, I would have been miserable the rest of my life. The guy I got – is even better than I ever could have imagined. I just had to wait into my early 30’s. There were experiences and things I had to learn first. Some journeys were fun, others boring, and some down-right hurt.

    You’re still understanding yourself and sometimes, that takes wisdom – wisdom comes with life experience. And always stay true to who you are…regardless of your virginity status. To distract yourself, try something new!

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    1. Thanks so much Sandi, You’re so right – everything is going to work out the way its supposed to. And I’m so glad that you’ve found the right guy. That is so wonderful 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement! hugs xo

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  17. Revelation
    Chapter 21

    1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

    2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

    3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

    4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

    5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

    6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.

    7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

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  18. A person with a good heart seems to me be the person who gets hurt easier …feels everything but you know what whether it’s a past love a family or friend it still so hard when we let go and this is the result but never stop being the person you are god gave you this precious gift of being so loving . I hope this makes sense and what you. Where talking about. Hugs

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  19. I am so sorry you had your heart broken and that the song reminded you of the pain you experienced (and continue to experience), As a woman old enough to be your mother, I have a couple of things to say. (1) Yes, God is absolutely the One that should be guarding your heart. Only He can do it well. (2) That said, guarding your heart doesn’t mean that you won’t experience pain. Jesus experienced pain throughout His ministry. It is part of being human and honestly, unless you are willing to risk the possible pain, you won’t be able to experience possible joy either. God will not save you from being hurt or feeling what you felt last night again in the future. He will however help you learn and grow from those experiences to become the woman He created you to be both for yourself and your perfect mate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Allison, i am so touched by this comment. you’re absolutely right – Jesus was not immune to pain…I mean look at the culmination of His life! this is such a powerful perspective. thanks again friend 🙂 big hugs xox

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  21. Indeed,your Heart can best be guarded by following strictly the rules in your religion. As a Muslim, I ever do feel contented when acting according to the Quran. When one guards his heart with the Quran,he instantly get set free from this worldly curiosity.

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  22. Giving your heart to Jesus is the best decision you could make. And though I know it is difficult in today’s world to make the decision to wait till marriage for sex, you won’t be sorry. God wants that for our protection not to take away our fun. I pray you will meet someone who will cherish you and share your values. I pray God will heal your hurt. God bless you. You are wise to guard your heart.

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  23. Thanks for your post…I’m a virgin too…and in my 30s…so it’s really encouraging to know someone else who has the same thoughts and feelings about it all as me!! I don’t know if my ”waiting’ will ever be over…but it’s a gift I want to give my husband. I know he’ll be worth it, even if during the whole waiting period I don’t know who he is (or if I will ever get married). Thank you!!

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing that! It’s nice to know I’m not alone 🙂 that’s so awesome — it will be the best gift ever know. know that I’m in your corner and cheering for you, friend! it’s a tough road but well worth it! thanks for the encouragement. big hugs xox

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  24. You didn’t really go into what you meant by giving a part of your heart away that you’ll never get back. I’ll hazard a guess and say you were extraordinarily emotionally intimate with that guy and it didn’t end well. Maybe you felt ripped off and taken advantage of. Whatever.

    I’m gonna pray for you to have friends – including guys – who aren’t just safe but healthy for you. Because truly, if/when you do find the man you will marry, you will be friends most of all. When it’s right, you actually both get more than what you put in, because God is there to bless.

    Thank you for being honest and vulnerable. You have no idea what walls that tears down for people.

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  25. This post is literally my hearts cry! That God will protect my heart and only allow me to share it with the person He has designed specifically for me! It’s not easy but as someone who has experienced extreme heartbreak , letting God take over that job is so much better! Great post as usual😊

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  26. You make me want to hug you and play big brother and say, “You’ll be all right. Really.” Here’s the thing. Breakups always suck. There’s no getting around that. Even months later, when you thought you were done, it can all come back to you. For me, the song was “Don’t know what you got till it’s gone.” And it didn’t even have to play. I would just start pining and singing the song on my own and on the verge of tears and calling saying, “Take me back. Please.”
    Of course they didn’t. They had moved on to other boyfriends. I like your idea of giving your heart to Jesus. I did that and I can’t say for sure it led to the right woman for me because it took so long, but something good will come of it. I must correct you, though, when you say that’s a part of your heart you will never get back. When you do find the right guy and let him in, every part of your heart you gave away will come back in spades. No card puns intended 😉

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    1. awww, thanks David, that’s so sweet of you. i’ll take that hug any day! You’re so right – gotta give our hearts to Jesus. and gosh that gives me so much hope. i’ll take that card pun and run with it 🙂 🙂 🙂 no wait…i’ll *bet the house on it* 🙂 🙂 hehehe hugs x

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Hey BBB. Thanks for this post; there’s so much truth in it. I never really had a boyfriend, but I definitely encountered this sort of thing with friends and people I chose to be a sorta surrogate family to me (so much for that). It’s amazing how much dating advice is applicable to other, platonic relationships too.
    Best wishes, -Ana

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  29. Ha, believe me, whether you’re experienced or not, tequila on an empty stomach is a bad combination (take it from a man who has drank his body weight in Bourbon); as is checking out Exes on Facebook…But forgive me for saying, it would be a fool who’d disregard you. Yet Jesus and HIS faith are but a guide, not a set of rules; live your life as you see fit, be happy, and be you; but remember to follow the Almighty’s path, and you will find yourself fulfilled and content no matter what. He loves us all, regardless. You’re to special to be alone.

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  30. Love this post!!! It speaks so much truth about heartbreak and how waiting for the right someone can help you emotionally in the long run! xx

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  31. “What if “guarding my heart” actually meant giving it to Jesus?

    What if I’m supposed to give it to Him to guard? Let Him keep it safe, and all the while, shaping it into a heart that’s ready to be given?” Love this ❤

    I know you can overcome this challenging time. Keep on writing! 🙂

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  32. I had sworn off all things connected with the nomenclature beautybeyondbones. It just wasn’t catching my fancy to read and … well, entertain myself towards, but I got suckered in here to read again by stupidity. And now, I’m wishing I hadn’t. I never thought I would find an individual at least …like…sounding as if that person’s life is more pitiful than mine. I thought I was batting the record. A perfect 1000. But then I read this one, and I just felt pity. I was like, Someone, Just please throw this woman a happy meal. (Like one of the two I had in my whole life.) A happy meal with a toy inside, like my Fraggle Rock toy I got years and years ago. So, please, somebody throw this woman a happy meal. I mean, come on, and this Jesus guy, why is He not paying attention? I mean, 1 am and still crying and writing and crying, and he still isn’t listening. He’s real good at ignoring me. He’s real good at annoying me, too, but I thought it was just me. You, too, huh? He can be funny, though. Got a great sense of humor.

    But to be honest, you know, you almost have to threaten to burn his house down before he’ll listen to ya. I know the guy. When he said, “Father, if possible, let this cup pass from me…” He really meant it. He kinda likes to block things out and stay in his “mode.” He’s told me about it. I could be, like, his unofficial photographer, you know, or something, if one were necessary. But he explained to me one time how he blocks things out and won’t let them have sway. I tried to dig deeper later when it dawned on me what he was saying, but the topic was cold, and he would have none of it.

    I have quite a time trying to get his ear. It’s a real crap shoot. The way I’ve seen him respond is people having lived through a suicide attempt and looking to him. He finally listens to them. Kinda stupid, I know. I’m just saying, you might have to threaten to burn his house down. He’s kinda a family man now. Settled down, if you know what I mean. Scream louder. He’ll have to listen. I’m not gonna be a go-between, though. That only gets messy. But I do know the guy. He’s not hard of hearing. He’s just…well, different. He’s hot ‘n cold, and to tell you truth, you’ll never know which and when. If he’s hot, take him for all he’s worth. That’s my advice. You might not catch him again for awhile. Please, woman, heal that hole in your heart, and don’t get in a relationship until you do. I married a woman with a hole in her heart. She thought a husband and family would heal it. I kinda foolishly thought that, too, temporarily. Didn’t work. And I mean, I’m a real charmer, something like a skunk with porcupine quills, but just a little bit worse. I know, Adorable. But, anyway, heal that hole in your heart, or you’re asking for trouble. I’m not speaking from experience on that one. I’m just taking a wild guess, like winning the lottery or something. Or roulette, but definitely, not the slot machines. Those are just way too time-consuming!!

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  33. Amen 🙂

    I always told my daughters:
    When you give your body away,
    You give part of your spirit away.
    A part you will never get back.
    I had them watch their peers whom were active,
    and they witnessed how they lost their spirit,
    little by little over the years.
    They only time they seemed spirited is when
    they were in their Faux relationships.

    I told them sex was spiritual,
    Sex is reserved for your Mate.
    When two become as one, in a
    Marriage covenant made with God.

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  34. “What if “guarding my heart” actually meant giving it to Jesus?”
    When I read that, I almost cried happy tears and a huge smile came to my face. I am so glad God brought you to that question and that He led you to share it with all of us.

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  35. It’s one thing to follow the teaching of scripture and quite another to know HOW to follow it! The Holy Spirit has shown you how to guard your heart; Thanks for sharing with us!

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  36. I come from a spiritual thought process – I believe to love oneself is the highest form of letting God (or whomever one prays to) in. And therefore, that is essentially like giving one’s heart to God. I say this because while I do believe in God, I am not a devoted, practicing religious person. I do what I can, though.

    Anyway – I believe the heart can get broken and not be whole. That we do to some extent give our heart away and for awhile there is a hole there. And if it was true love, that person may always have a bit of heart for eternity. I also believe the heart can grow and mend. There are no boundaries to how much love we can give out and when we meet the right person, it is like we have more room for them.

    I thought I loved my husband when before we got married. And even though there’s been rocky times in our marriage and neither of us are perfect, I didn’t fathom I could actually love him even more now. So for me, I have my own proof that love has no boundaries.

    Guarding one’s heart is not an easy, black and white concept. It’s a balance act – we definitely do not want to just give it away easily. But we also do not want to build walls around it so high we miss opportunities of letting wonderful people in. And this goes beyond just finding true love – it could be friendships of all kind or a distant relative whom could be much closer and more important to us. And what is true love and true happiness if we never experience heart break? If God gave us all the emotions of the rainbow and free will, he must want us to not just experience it all but exercise our own power in finding that balance and still be on a great path in life, right?

    It’s not easy indeed. But the most rewarding things in life are never easy, I am finding out…

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      1. Yeah its cool! I think I may have to steal that idea from you!! LOL!!! Just kidding! Good job!

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      3. I’ll send it right to you when I do…but I’ll give you full credit of course! 😉

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  38. I love that you aren’t afraid to stand up for being a virgin! Love this post & what you have to say! Also I have to say I cried when I read this. I’m married & there were parts of my heart & emotions that I couldn’t give to my husband & they still haunt me to this day. There’s hope for peace though because of Jesus! ☺️

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  39. As an official 40-year-old virgin (you read that right; I just turned 40 this year… oh yeah, and the virgin thing…), I can honestly say that I’ve been through plenty of moments in which I wrestled with myself about the topics of love, romance, and whether either of those things are even worth trying for. Every time a voice in my head says, “I don’t know if I can live another day alone,” there’s another voice that responds, “You’ve lived 40 years alone — almost 30 since you hit puberty — I think another day is possible.” I hate that latter voice, by the way, especially when it’s right and doesn’t allow me to feel sorry for myself.

    Then there’s another voice (Multiple voices in my head should be a scary thing, right?) that tells me that I have to be careful because the longer I go through life being alone, the more likely I am to allow someone in who may not be right for me, simply because I don’t want to be alone. This voice tells me I have to guard my heart. It doesn’t want me to be hurt, and it also doesn’t want me to be hurt anymore than I already have been. This is the voice that tells me that it was only in the past that I thought I could find love or be loved. This is the voice that tells me that I know better now. This is literally the voice of not trying anymore, of completely giving up.

    But there’s also another voice (yes, a fourth one), a small voice that only speaks to me when I absolutely need it. This other voice says to me, “Go ahead and not try anymore, for the time will come when you won’t have to try; it will simply happen, and you will simply know that it’s right.” I’m guessing that this is the same kind of voice that told you to give your heart to Jesus and allow him to guard it. It’s that voice of surrender; the voice that encourages you to let a higher power take control and lead you to the right place at the right time to be standing in front of the right person for you. And when this right place and right time and right person all intersect with you, what you feel will be the equivalent of knowing the entire future of the two of you as one: in every joyous moment, in every sad time, in every trial of doubt, and in every courageous act that pushes through any and all fears to bring you both back to the Heavenly bliss you know you deserve together. What you feel in that instance will be the right person restoring in you the pieces of your heart that you had given away, because that right person, without knowing, has been on a quest to find those pieces of your heart for the sole purpose of returning them to you. This is the voice that understands what it means to have a soulmate.

    And then there’s another voice that tells me that the previous voice is so full of crap, but I don’t think we need to get into that right now. Anyway, I hope you’re not put off by the length of this comment but have actually, somehow, enjoyed reading through all of it (and maybe had a tiny chuckle here and there), and I hope you get my message of what I’m trying to say here, which is that all of your waiting will absolutely be worth it, because you know that you deserve the best person God has waiting for you. I look forward to reading your posts about that person and how grateful you are that Jesus pointed specifically to him and whispered in your ear, “This is the one.”

    So next time you hear a song that makes you sad because it reminds you of someone who has a piece of your heart that you gave away, instead, allow that song to make you feel glad that the person collecting the missing pieces of your soon to be whole heart is well on his way. (I tried to make that rhyme; I’m not sure it worked out too well.) 🙂

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    1. Hi Gabriel, thank you so much for sharing this beautiful comment and for sharing your heart. I so appreciate your support and encouragement. You’re so right – We’ve gotta listen to that 4th voice – the voice surrender. Because God really does have a good plan and to surrender is to trust 🙂 Thanks for stopping by. big hugs xo

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  40. […] I read a post by BeautyBeyondBones called “Guarding My Heart Redefined.” [https://beautybeyondbones.com/2017/06/19/guarding-my-heart-redefined/] I noticed tears sprang up in my eyes as I came to the end of Caralyn’s post. I began to think […]

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  41. I’m really sorry to bother again, but I do hope you get over anorexia and overcome your fears of love.

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  42. Hi Caralyn:
    As always an honest and unflinching post.
    But the heartache of love is always “worth it” because the vulnerability of relationship is precisely what we are called into. Christians understand God to be Trinity: a mutual indwelling of loving relationship in which each Person of the Godhead is open to the others and also dwells in the others. By definition, therefore, God calls us into life lived for the sake of the other – God calls us into the risky, liminal space of relationship – with God and with our fellow humans.
    Which means that our faith calls us to be vulnerable. Which means that our faith necessarily calls us into moments of heartache and pain and loss. But as I think I mentioned on a previous occasion, as C S Lewis noted, what God wants is not for us to be happy (or unhappy), but to grow up – to love and be loved. And in order to do that we have to enter into the world of others and sometimes suffer heartache.
    Which is not to say we should put up with abuse or exploitation. That is NOT relationship. But it does mean we are called to risk – we cannot sit in self-constructed prisons or towers wanting to be “protected”. Because God will not protect us from suffering – instead, God offers us the far more ambiguous – but decidedly richer – gift of companionship and faithfulness, one that always ultimately affirms our worth and our worthiness of love. As Paul notes: God first loved us, that we might love one another.
    Blessings,
    Brendan.

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    1. thank you so much for this beautiful response, Brendan. I really appreciate your thoughts. Amen – we are called to risk in relationships and love. that’s such a powerful thought – God first loved us that we might love one another. amen!! hugs x

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  43. First, I loved your gifs! They were great LOL. Second, something that I have to remember from time to time is that there is no “using up” this good loving that I dish out. You love from an abundant space. It’s all in you and there is always more because you are it! You are big love. You are romantic love and you are magnificent love. So yeah, you gave some away but there is plenty where that comes from. Also, I once upon a time was saving it for marriage and let me tell you heartbreak is heartbreak sex or no sex. At least for me. Because really, your heart where the emotions are, not your vagina 😉.

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  47. Thanks for this compelling post…reminding us all to surrender our hearts & our hurts to the Lordship of Jesus Christ! I commend you for keeping your body for your future husband…it’s Always worth it to do things God’s way. Having survived a series of broken hearts and marrying at age 28 with my V card mostly intact…it can be done, and that brokenness will likely recede into the mists of time, eventually. God is faithful. He will ultimately supply All you need in this life…and of course in the life to come!

    Blessings,

    Valerie Curren

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      1. What a great & brave testimony of faith you have! You are not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ or of boldly proclaiming the Lover of Your Soul! Awesome Job, Valerie

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  49. You have come to a spacious place for sure. We are meant to be gates not walls. And the Good Shepherd is supposed to be allowed to guard the gate and have say over who gets in and who doesn’t. The thing I have learned is even the ones the Shepherd lets in can turn on us once they are inside the sheep pen. I have my own list of sad songs to prove that one. That said the Good Shepherd in those cases becomes the Great Physician and can heal every wound. I am learning there is life in and after brokenness and it is not such a bad life after all. Be a gate.

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  50. Great post!! Guarding our hearts is something we all must learn to do at every stage of life, but it’s so worth it! When we allow the Lord to protect our hearts, He absolutely saves the best for us!

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