Virgin Shaming?

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

There are three things you should know about me.

Number One: My go-to drink is a vodka soda with two limes. With straight up-tequila coming in at a close second.

Number Two: It only takes 1/2 a drink for me to get notably tipsy.

Number Three: I am completely guarded in word and heart….until said tipsy state has been actuated.

Last night was one of those nights.

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I was catching up with a good friend of mine up in Harlem. We were at this really cool speakeasy with smooth jazz, exposed brick, high concept cocktails, and where the menus are literally pasted into old hard-cover books.

She and I were having a great time. Chatting. Laughing. Making friends with the cute bartender. You know. A typical Tuesday night for your twenty-something New Yorker.

But as the night went along, and the conversation had turned to dating and the atrocity of the modern day, “Swipe-right“-App-driven dating scene, I found myself opening my heart to her about some of my fears and struggles when it comes to the romance department.

And you know how, when you’re a little loosy-goosy, you can almost hear yourself talking – completely self aware of how you’re coming off, and yet simultaneously you’ve willingly abandoned the ability to filter what it is you’re saying?

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If that makes any sense at all?

Anyway, I’ll just cut to the chase here…

I literally heard these words come out of my mouth:

“I think I’m afraid to date because I fear that, because I’m a virgin, I won’t be enough for a man. I’d be a waste of time.”

And bless her heart, my friend was so kind and built me up and reassured me as any good friend would do.

But the following day, with sober-Caralyn reflecting on that cringe-worthy confession, it gave me a lot of emotions. A lot of “feels” – as the kids these days are saying. 😉

I’m going to be really honest – I’ve reached the age where, being a virgin is no longer “cute.” It’s more like…what’s wrong with her?

You all know my love for The Bachelor – and one of the themes that has come up recently on Bachelor in Paradise, – and frankly in the media at large – is the concept of “Virgin Shaming.”

And I can fully affirm, that that is absolutely, positively a real thing.

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I know that my virginity is nothing to be ashamed of, and truthfully, it gives me so much joy and peace to know that I will be able to give that to my future husband one day, but the fact is…right now...I feel like less of a woman. I feel like I’m defective. Or undesirable. Frankly, I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment.


And let me just say, I’m not looking to be built up or complimented or anything like that. I’m just processing a comment I uttered when my walls were down that quite honestly, shocked me. Frankly, I thought I was “stronger” than letting the pressures of society get to me like that. But I guess, my inner heart can still be wounded, no matter how tough of defenses I try to enact.

I think I’m at a very dangerous crossroads of two very different paths. One, of a closed off existence, lived in fear and shame – having cowered away from even looking for a man, simply because I’m afraid of disappointing someone with my non-easiness. Or the other road, where I remain emotionally open and receptive to a relationship – dare I say: even seeking one out, with the confidence and assuredness in my decision to remain a virgin until marriage.

Because it’s either one or the other. There’s not really much grey area anymore – I’m either open to love, or I’m not. And am I really going to let my self-consciousness in the lack of knotches on my belt be the determining factor?

That would be quite the tragedy.

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I guess, this is just my public proclamation, that I am not going to let the shame I may feel get the best of me and dictate the direction my life is going to take.

Because the fact is, I do have a lot to offer a man.

And I’m going to be a damn good wife, if I do say so myself.

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But I can’t be afraid to put myself out there, just because I’m nervous about what he’ll say.

Will it be a deal breaker for some guys? Yes. Probably most guys.

But not for the guy. Not for the right guy.

But I’m not going to meet that guy if I just reject every offer that comes my way and swear off dating, simply because I’m afraid. That’s a pocket veto if I’ve ever seen one.

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SO. Before the month is over, I’m going to go on one date. By Oct 1. I have to stop turning down opportunities, and actually accept one date. I’m asking you to hold me accountable. Okay?

Kapeesh?

Good. Thanks. Glad that’s settled.

Now please excuse me while I go and try to ‘be approachable’ at Barnes & Noble.

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***Thanks to everyone who has ordered by book, Bloom: A Journal by BeautyBeyondBones!***

Click here to order your copy!

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703 thoughts on “Virgin Shaming?”

  1. Personal discipline to one’s convictions, is the only “earthly thing” that anybody has which truly belongs to them!
    Don’t let anyone manipulate you from that, nor your personal walk with the Lord.
    V/R, Roland, U.S. Army Retired

    Like

  2. The weird thing is, not that long ago, it used to be that not being a virgin until marriage was a perceived ‘defect’. Neither is, in my personal opinion, but the societal opinion pendulum sure does a number on our perception of self worth!

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  3. Hey Girl, I loved this post because it speaks much of the climate of dating in society for many years now up to current day. You are not defective. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are intelligent and pretty. Virginity is not some piece of trash that you just ‘get rid of’ because that what many, many people in society do (follow the masses). Your body is your prerogative. You have more to offer a man than just your vagina! And unfortunately, more often than not THAT is the only reason a guy will like a female initially and for quite a long time (cuz he’s definitely not scanning your IQ or the depths of your soul when he’s checking you out, lol! Seriously though). Man, I have so much more to say on this, but my fingers will start to bleed, lol. I’ll just wrap it up by saying, yes, totally take chances dating because it’s necessary to find ‘the guy’ eventually. There’s a lot of ‘painted rocks’ (guys who turn out to be full of shit/false self-representation in order to date you) out there who talk a good game and will charm the crap out of you. All you can do is keep your eyes and ears open. Be aware of red flags and ALWAYS listen to your intuition. Whether you go on a date by Oct 1st or not, it’s all good. Everything works itself out in the end ✌️🌺.

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      1. You’re welcome! And always remember: You’re worthy. The right guy will love ALL of you, and delight in the fact that he gets you all to himself. Giving your virginity to a guy who actually values you and loves you is so fantastical. The right guy will feel honored (because you can’t just go to the corner store and pick up an 8 pack of virginity once you’ve lost it the first time, lol). “Don’t waste the pretty” is such a simple, yet meaningful quote I heard on Oprah’s show long ago, and always stuck with me. Obviously, it’s your life and you will do what you want, I’d just say don’t feel bad about doing what’s right for you (like don’t go jumping off the bridge just because everyone else is). Don’t waste the pretty. Hugs & Love ✌️ xoxo ✌️

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  4. You got to the correct point in the end. For the right guy, you’ll be worth the wait.

    Only thing I’d like to see you change is your blaming society for your emotions. I’m old enough to be your dad and we never talked like that when we were your age. Your emotions are yours. You’re ashamed. Society, or the wrong boys (or loose girlfriends for that matter), only reinforce what you feel inside. You can’t fix stupid by “society shaming” but you can relax on yourself a bit.

    You’re doing the right thing by being who you are. I give you permission to ease up on yourself.

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  5. being a virgin will never be cute because it’s beautiful. my biggest sadness in life is being sexually activated before i had the chance to understand what a powerful energy that is to give to ppl. when you make the decision to go through with it you will have so much meaning in that experience.

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  6. You know what, being a virgin is amazing. You are a rare gem in this world and God is real proud of that. I’m someone who wished I never gave myself so easily to all the wrong guys. Not having sex was weird in my circle. I wish so bad that I could be a virgin for my future husband. So you go girl. Society ain’t always right. Check out Jason and Crystalina Evert if you haven’t. My whole perception was changed and I never loved myself this way ever. Her books are great 🙂 ‘Pure Womanhood’ was the one that changed my thinking. Here’s the link if you’re interested.
    https://chastityproject.com/seminars/speakers/jason-crystalina-evert/

    Sending hugs. xo

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  7. This is such an amazing blog post. I remember when I wrote a blog about my virginity. I am not or ever ashamed to be known as a virgin..most of my friends are sexual active I can have laughs with them. I am not one who takes kindly to people bullying others because they are still a Virgin if a male or a female decides to be that way that’s there choice. I am a Christian and I want to keep my chastity even if wasn’t I am a girl who knows that she isn’t ready. And like you said about being more out there same goes for me to i always turn down dates because I am too scared I know we are not getting married but I still get nervous so I will do what you are doing and start putting my self out there in a good way. Thanks for this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Well, I’d suggest trying to educate your dates and if they don’t respond well, forget ’em. I went on a date with someone who simply said “no sex before marriage.” Quite matter of fact. Turned out it went nowhere but not because of that.

    It really shouldn’t be a big deal. And if someone makes a big deal out of it, that’s their problem. It’s actually much safer not to have sex these days with all the viruses, lethal and non-lethal floating around. Sometimes people with lethal STDs don’t tell their partners. Scary but true.

    When you finally do get married, I suggest a mandatory trip to the clinic for testing b4 anything happens. Even if he claims to be spotless. 🙂

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  9. Don’t worry. You’re doing great. If it’s any consolation, some of us remained virgins well into out 30’s.

    Concerning dating, take it as a way to know yourself better. To find out what you will put up with and what you won’t tolerate. As long as it is safe, go out. But do so with an open heart and no exoectations, willing to be surprised. If you set your expectations high, like “This would be the man I will marry one day,” you’re setting yourself up for failure from the beginning and it may not be fair for either one of you. But if you go with a light heart and thinking “God is allowing us to cross paths for a reason, even if it’s for just a fleeting moment and I never get to see him again,” believe me, those are the most rewarding dates. You get to know yourself and another human being. And that maybe all there is to that particular date. Some other times, you may make a friend. It a boyfriend or husband. A dear friend that you’ll keep for life. And also be open to the idea that maybe, you won’t find that man. Sometimes, we are not meant to get married. But God surely has much better plans for us that might bit be possible if we are married and changing diapers and not remembering when head the last time we brushed our hair. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m a little older than you, so I don’t think the pressure was quite as strong then. But waiting for marriage us something I am sincerely thankful God kept me strong in, not only for my heart and that of my husband, but for our children as an example that it’s possible… And worth it! Neither of us have any comparisons to that other person, what was better or worse. We have each other and our experience together. No guilt, no shame, no baggage, just peace.

    Now I know which ways to direct my prayers for you! Yes, get out there! But don’t compromise your standards. It’s easiest when you surround yourself with others who treasure the same things, even if they’re countercultural.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. What’s really significant in your life is that you are Holy. In fact far more holy than you could imagine. You are Holy because you have experienced Jesus in a very intimate substantial way. You are Holy because the Lord has granted you very rare insight and understanding. You are Holy because you have set yourself apart to be an ambassador of Jesus . Your virginity is part and parcel of your holiness and your holiness is your strength. Like Sampson hair. Do not under any circumstance or for any reason take your holiness for granted . Be ye Holy for I am Holy dairy the lord. In your NYC culture nothing is sacred and your holiness shines like a star on a dark night. Carry on. Let nothing scandalize you or cause you to fall. Your fan. Jack

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  18. Only a depraved culture where nothing is sacred would shame someone for being a virgin. Those who shame you are profane and they want you to profane your holiness for you are a living reproach to them. Remember you are be like your God, both immanent and transcendent. Your virginity is a vital part of your transcendence. Not just a gift to a future husband but a sweet smelling offering to God of great value in His sight. You go girl. Let nothing in any way cause you to stumble. You have no idea nor any way of knowing what reward God has prepared for you for being obedient. Carry on. Jack

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  19. Lovely post and I admire you so much for your honesty about virginity, youre a real inspiration to any young girls (or guys) who want to do the same and feel so much pressure to have sex. My 15 (16 in a week) daughter wants to wait to have sex until she is married and even wants to save her first kiss for her wedding! I will show her your blog as you will show her she isnt alone and she should be proud of herself as you should be. And I am excited to see blog posts in the future about the man that God has chosen for you, he is coming when the time is right. If you had met him already you woldnt have these great posts to write about and help people but I just know someone perfect for you is right around the corner.
    I need to check my settings too as I love your blog posts but they havent been coming to my email box lately!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, Sam, thank you so much for your kind words. I am seriously so touched by your encouragement. I would be honored for you to share my post with your daughter! 🙂 hmm, I’m not sure about the email — i would just say to check to make sure you’re following by email? sorry i can’t be more help! big hugs to you xox

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  20. You’re such a beautiful person, and your beauty is “soul deep.” You’re making all the right choices. Don’t let the lies of this world drag you down – cling to the truth with all your might! 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Waiting in the Lord for the right husband or wife is God’s Way. I myself was in the Marines but kept being a virgin because of my commitment to Christ; and guys clowned me quite a bit but I’m glad God allowed me to be pure for my wife.

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  22. Oh Caralyn, do NOT be ashamed. Not of purity and a point of strength in your life. As a former womanizer I will tell you being sexually active can be one of the most lonely existences out there.

    I won’t give promises or platitudes about Mr. Right or any surefire strategies for finding him. But I will promise you will have no regrets for your strength in waiting. And he will honor you for it.

    But shut off the culture; it lies to justify its most deadly compromises. Concerning your ability and doubt that you are desirable, give that up God because you are just beautiful (hey wasn’t there a blog with beauty in its name?). Relax and just be. And smile because you light up the place.

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  23. I feel where you are coming from. Im not a virgin (two kids). However, since my divorce over 15 years ago, I have not been with anyone else. I go out of my way most of the time to avoid meeting new people, yet I don’t exactly like being alone. And I have been the butt of jokes when people hear that I haven’t been intimate with anyone since the end of my marriage. I guess I’m saying you’re not alone. And only an idiot would think you aren’t worth the wait.

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  24. Ever heard of Shel Silverstein? He wrote a poem called, “Blue.” I finished “Bloom” today. It’s been, a long day.

    You wrote something there that coincides with this about Love and Masks. There’s no page numbers, I do a lot of research. I admit, it bothered me. 😂

    Anyways. I learned early being the only Native in a crowd that, people only accept those that are like them.

    But a person, is the only love you really need. I found it. Once and maybe that’s all I get.

    But, you. You have a lot of life in you. I wish that love comes for you.

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    1. wow, thank you so much Kenzie. And thank you for reading Bloom!!! i’m sorry about the page numbers — haha it didn’t even occur to me to number the pages of a journal! next book there will be numbers 🙂 hehe I’ll have to look up “Blue.” Thanks again for being such a great supporter! big big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. On a side note I was doing some math last night. To notice every person on an online dating site as you would in person, it would 11.56 days straight. To even say hello, it would take four months.

        So, don’t rely on technology too too much for a, beau.

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      5. I waited for my ex wife. Almost two years. It felt, I don’t know. Like, you want this life to start so bad. I was dying. haha. You want to come home. You want to look at someone and just know it’s all worth it. What came after between us is just, when life gets in the way. I’ve never had lots of money and I guess she wanted, that instead in my boss.

        I still believe in love because I know how much I did to keep that love going between us. I know how much I love my kids. I don’t think about what happened and feel unloved I just know I did my best.

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  25. Well , all above comments are huge encouragement to you. I feel and I do understand you.Just want to say thank you for being you. And If someone ( even your best friend )can not accept who you are – it is Better to stay away. As you said in this post somehow going to effect your emotion. Because we all are humans and sensitive. Virginity is a blessing. If all are swimming in the same way it does not mean I have to go that way too. In the public comment here From my personal christian prospective – it is very important for us to keep ourselves till to get married. As you said it is not all about okay 2 flesh stick and enjoy that’s it ! When we go for sex – two people getting one and a lot of emotions transferring between two . The two souls getting one soul. That is why a lot of sickness and pain is around because without seeking God first , people having relationship ( at least I can comment on this as I am ) . Believe me stay who you are and pray God will show you the right man. Listen what your heart says and trust in God. :: )

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  26. It is sad how society has changed. There was a time when young men looked on virginity in a,woman as a thing to be desired. There was also a time when men and women esteemed marriage. The fact that you find yourself in a minority that is actually persecuted is sad beyond measure. What Billy Graham said all those years ago rings even truer today.

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  27. yes, this is all too real. and it think the young girls of today’s society need to eb told there is no shame in being a virgin.
    but for me, in a way i’m proud to be a virgin – i feel completely feminine, somehow. pure, clean… i don’t know. but i’m not shaming non-virgins – it’s your body, your rules. that’s just me.

    brilliant post ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Remember it was a “virgin” who God Himself chose to come through in the form of Man. He could of chosen any woman but He chose a “virgin.” Why? Mary, was pure and chase. Think about it she was born for the very reason of bearing “God Man,” Jesus.

    So what does God think about your virginity? To Him it is priceless and His opinion is the only one that matters. Love you so much and God Bless, SR

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  30. I think you are special, you are special the way you cared for your mother and what you talk about.

    Remember a Queen is always different from the others. Else what’s the difference between a Queen and an ordinary citizen..

    I didn’t know that it’s such a big cultural thing, but in South Asia you will be most respected and treated a very dignified well groomed cultured lady.

    So treat yourself not just a Queen but a very cultured, civilised and well groomed Queen

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  31. HI, I wanted to share with you an embarrassment of my own. I feel very dorky for doing this but I totally and accidentally unfollowed you, then followed you. it was a slip on my phone. I noticed you are gone from following me and I am so sorry I made a real mistake.
    please forgive me, it really was a slip up. I adore your blogs and your sharing is powerful and even though I never had the same challenges, I am a beloved of God, I suffer and I live for Him alone. I have had times in my life where I was very sick with things that I am not ready to share because they are very painful. I am still working through them. But out of the muck and mud, the Lord came to me and gently brought me on this journey of mercy.
    I hope you will follow me again.
    Peace, and much love,
    Stephanie White

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    1. Hey Stephanie! Oh gosh, I am so sorry about that! I totally did not mean to unfollow you either! it’s actually been quite a day – i lost my phone last night, and so i had to suspend, and then wipe my entire phone, and then get a new one today. and being the bone head that i am, i hadn’t backed up my old phone since 2015 — before this blog was started, and so when my new phone was restored, the wordpress app obviously wasn’t on there. so i’ve been having to rebuild from square one today, so i think that’s probably what you were seeing. sorry about that! refollowig now! thanks you for going on the journey with me. know that i am in your corner along your journey too 🙂 big big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  32. BTW, as a beloved beautiful daughter of God, your choices in life are glorious to Him, and He showers you with blessings in this. Standing up for this is empowerment. What holy courage! Praise God, He is very present in your blogs-your sharing of your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Caralyn:

    Try not to be impatient with life.

    As I read a final read through my memoir, I have moments when I wonder why I am sharing things that

    probably should only be shared in confession. I wrote this week about how Maryam’s depression after

    going through a second round of breast cancer was exacerbated by the shaming put on her by professional

    women about her staying home with our kids.

    Behind this kind of shaming stems primarily from guilt over one’s own sins.

    It will take a while for me to process this past week. Friday was particularly weird. My sister lives in

    Boca Raton, Florida and flew up to attend my nephew’s wedding next week Friday. My sister suffered only

    Irma inconveniences, but she was clearly experiencing a nervous breakdown. She talked about the trauma

    of three days without power. No AC; no television; no FB.

    I used to joke that DC would suffer a zombie invasion if the power went out and people had to face life

    straight-up without musical enhancement…

    The day only got worse with time.

    Last night I ate dinner with my prom date from 45 years ago for the first time since then. It was a kind of out of

    body experience. The electricity was still evident. We talked for hours. Her husband was most generous. Life is

    so different today. The kind of things that kept us apart back then would be unthinkable today with social media.

    All I could think was: why Lord did you bring me to this time and place?

    Stephen

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  34. Then there is the shame on the other side of the street … The feeling of being dirty because of poor decisions in your past. The feeling that however much you have changed, you can’t wash away the past…

    All I know, is that there is just too much shame in this world. I hope you rise above it. I think you’re a treasure ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  35. I’m always amazed by the amount of bravery and the strength of convictions that come out through your writing. It’s what always keeps me coming back.
    I wanted to say, I am 36 going on 37 in a few weeks, and I have male friends who are older than I am, unmarried, and are… wait for it… also virgins. Successful, attractive, well dressed, intelligent, talented MALES that also happen to be virgins. They are out there too. They’ve just been taught that it’s not okay to be one or to talk about being one. And their views on dating are very similar to yours. One is terrified of women now, because he feels it is expected. Since when it became uncool to refrain from being sexually active became a thing, I’m not sure. But I’m not judging, and I know there are a tonne of people out there that are also not judging you poorly based on it.
    Any decent guy out there (and there are a LOT) is going to think you are an absolutely incredible treasure because of it – on top of all of your other fantastic qualities. Keep holding your head up, and don’t miss out on all of the wonderful experiences you could be having in the pursuit of love because of it. If you do come across a man who doesn’t think you are a whole woman because of your virginity, he wasn’t right for you in the first place and it is your good luck to be able to determine that sooner than later. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  36. HI BBB,

    I will be praying for you and your date. The Lord has the right man for you and it will be awesome to see your two paths cross. I waited for the right woman and saved myself into my early thirties, ah almost mid- thirties. Guys can do that, too. When I met Laura I wasn’t looking, but the Lord merged out paths together. I got two great step sons and eventually my daughter. The Lord has a great story for you and I pray you will know when to turn the page.

    In Christ,

    Gary

    On Thu, Sep 14, 2017 at 3:58 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “There are three things you should know about > me. Number One: My go-to drink is a vodka soda with two limes. With > straight up-tequila coming in at a close second. Number Two: It only takes > 1/2 a drink for me to get notably tipsy. Number Three: I am comp” >

    Like

  37. Dear Beauty, your values and standards are a part of your beauty. Don’t be of some “use” to anyone who does not know that. By the way you have left “likes” on some of my posts. I’m staggered that you have time for reading other posts, most especially a “small town grandma” like me! Keep modeling proper behavior for my beautiful great-granddaughters and other of their kind. They are at an age where they want to do right but have so many fake images to inspire them. How about some pictorial books and advice column for preteens? Would be lovely!

    Liked by 1 person

  38. (Sorry in advance if this already posted. There seems to have been a glitch with my computer and it kept telling me my comment didn’t post. If it did, just disregard the repeat haha.)

    Every guy I dated before my husband pressured me for sex, then ended up breaking up with me because the rest of the relationship wasn’t “worth it” without – shall we say – *something* for them. The worst was my boy-who-didn’t-want-to-be-my-boyfriend-but-asked-me-for-sex-everyday who was my last long-term boyfriend-esque relationship before my husband. I was crushed after that relationship ended, mainly because I knew my refusal to have sex was a big factor. The next guy I was interested in backed off when I told him I was waiting until marriage. To his credit, he was open with me, rather than simply ghosting, and told me he wasn’t at a point in his life where he would date someone without sex. Although I appreciated his honesty, I was still upset. I felt like, once again, I was an outcast destined to be alone forever because I wouldn’t “give it up.” I sometimes questioned why God would ask that of me.

    But the next month, I met my now-husband. When I told him I was waiting until marriage, his exact words were, “I won’t mess that up for you.” And he never once, in the nearly three years we dated before marrying, asked me to change my mind, nor did he even bring it up. I thought a guy like that was a metaphorical unicorn and didn’t exist, but he does, and he’s not the only one out there.

    This is a long-winded comment haha, but I just wanted to offer my firsthand account of God’s reward for faithfulness. The world will always try to tell us we should go along with everyone else – and I certainly don’t begrudge anyone who has made the decision to have sex before marriage – but if we feel in our heart that God wants some form of obedience from us, we shouldn’t stray from that. It may look strange to others, but it won’t look strange to the person who will be most impacted by it 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  39. I applaud you! Loudly and strongly!

    And trust me, there are still a lot of us guys out here looking for exactly the type of woman you are.

    Just consider these lyrical highlights from the song “Good Little Girls” by Blue County:

    “Hardly ever been kissed
    Twenty years of innocence
    Just what I’m looking for”

    “She’s waitin’ for a gold ring
    Before she trys her wings
    That’s what I’m waitin’ for
    I want to be the man holding her hand
    When she can’t hold it back anymore”

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  40. I read your post and thought of two keys words I live by-Strength and Dignity. Those words are found in the Bible in Proverbs 31:25. Thanks for being willing to encourage other women by being vulnerable and courageous yourself💞

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  41. When I first checked your blog and read your posts, I was very impressed how you’re standing that ground of virginity. I am almost 25 and being in the college pool really doesn’t help those who wanted to wait. Virgin men are looked down upon because some girls think they have nothing good to offer and less experienced. While on the other hand, some men would be happy to strip a girl down from her purity. A good friend of mine is 25 and she is still a virgin. I always tell her how I wish to be her. She wears that clothe of purity with red lipstick and a pair of stilettos. I am very proud of her.

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  42. You are absolutely BLESSED, never doubt it and a real man, a true man of God who deserves to be married to you will wait and wait gladly. And the importance of a true love is as couples grow old, health issues and just the aging process take over and that IS when true love matters. And the world shames us if we do, shames us if we don’t, it is just part of the mess we live in. Great post, like the old saying, Be true to you, because you have to live with yourself, never let anyone tell you otherwise.

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  43. Just a quick comment about your blog post on Virgin Shaming. I’m 29 years old and a virgin. I like to think that I’m the rare unicorn among the men and women of my age. And unicorns are awesome! Haha. I am a firm believer of what you said about the ‘right one’ who will actually be okay… or maybe even delighted for someone to make such a carefully though out decision and actually stick with it. I hope he sees the beauty and strength in that and in you when you do cross paths. I’m encouraged by this anyways and thought that I must reply. I don’t think that we will regret it either!

    Sent from my iPad

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  44. Girlll!! This post is NOTHING but the truth! Its such a shame that something so beautiful and amazing like virginity is disregarded and ridiculed to shame. You are such an awesome and amazing women with so much to offer, your virginity is just one of those things. The right man for you WILL appreciate you! Stay strong! As a 25 year old virgin I can say it aint easy but surely it is worth it! Mucho besos!

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  45. First shame comes from doing something that in not authentic, you are not doing that. In fact you are rocking virginity. Rocking it!! No Shame in that. Forge ahead, surround yourself with people who love you deeply, and respect you. Then BAM, THE one will be standing in front of you. Like magic.

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  46. This post is beautiful! And I’m right there with you. Quite frankly I don’t care what society thinks of what I’ve chosen to commit to for my future husband. However, I know exactly what the inadequacy feels like every time a seemingly decent guy walks up and two conversations later is walking away because I won’t have sex with them. I let myself get discouraged and lose hope that I’ll find someone who cares about following God and committing their relationships to honoring God. It’s a battle with a lot of sacrifices, but I’m apart of a family that has seen the deep-rooted consequences of not waiting and I don’t want my future family to suffer because of decisions I make now. I don’t want marriage to be a destination and I don’t want sex to be the destination he’s looking for, but I do want us both to be on the path to Heaven and be able to enjoy both of those things together without the scars of the past darkening those gifts to each other. It’s encouraging to know that others are out there seeking to reach the same standard.

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  48. To understand here, you are a smart and beautiful lady engaging with your life in a way that is different from this mainstream society. Not many people are bold enough to share this on their blog but you have more to life than “virginity”. The moment you start living for the peer pressure of societal norms, you will be less happier than what you are today.
    Good day 👍

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      1. I started blogging roughly a month ago and you were the first blogger whom I followed because somewhere your ideas were enlightening. I am glad I could make a small difference. *hugs and love*

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  49. To understand here, you are a smart and beautiful lady taking your virginity for a shameful sphere in life. I would say you are bold enough to put this in front of some thousands of people who don’t even know you because you know there are greater things in life other than “virginity”. A part of you will always want that but that part will never be ready to face the consequences, so the moment you start living according to the norms of society and peer pressure, you will be less happier than you are today. Do what you love and never regret. Good day 👍

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  50. I’m just wondering why you feel this way – ashamed. Not you, personally, I guess. But why do any of us feel this way? Is it because we hold what the culture thinks of us in high regard (or any regard at all)? Possibly. It doesn’t have to be about virginity, either.
    As a Christian, I know, I’m supposed to care about what God thinks of me and not what the world thinks of me.
    But I still care about what the world thinks of me, sometimes (most of the time).
    It’s a struggle!

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