Virgin Shaming?

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

There are three things you should know about me.

Number One: My go-to drink is a vodka soda with two limes. With straight up-tequila coming in at a close second.

Number Two: It only takes 1/2 a drink for me to get notably tipsy.

Number Three: I am completely guarded in word and heart….until said tipsy state has been actuated.

Last night was one of those nights.

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I was catching up with a good friend of mine up in Harlem. We were at this really cool speakeasy with smooth jazz, exposed brick, high concept cocktails, and where the menus are literally pasted into old hard-cover books.

She and I were having a great time. Chatting. Laughing. Making friends with the cute bartender. You know. A typical Tuesday night for your twenty-something New Yorker.

But as the night went along, and the conversation had turned to dating and the atrocity of the modern day, “Swipe-right“-App-driven dating scene, I found myself opening my heart to her about some of my fears and struggles when it comes to the romance department.

And you know how, when you’re a little loosy-goosy, you can almost hear yourself talking – completely self aware of how you’re coming off, and yet simultaneously you’ve willingly abandoned the ability to filter what it is you’re saying?

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If that makes any sense at all?

Anyway, I’ll just cut to the chase here…

I literally heard these words come out of my mouth:

“I think I’m afraid to date because I fear that, because I’m a virgin, I won’t be enough for a man. I’d be a waste of time.”

And bless her heart, my friend was so kind and built me up and reassured me as any good friend would do.

But the following day, with sober-Caralyn reflecting on that cringe-worthy confession, it gave me a lot of emotions. A lot of “feels” – as the kids these days are saying. 😉

I’m going to be really honest – I’ve reached the age where, being a virgin is no longer “cute.” It’s more like…what’s wrong with her?

You all know my love for The Bachelor – and one of the themes that has come up recently on Bachelor in Paradise, – and frankly in the media at large – is the concept of “Virgin Shaming.”

And I can fully affirm, that that is absolutely, positively a real thing.

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I know that my virginity is nothing to be ashamed of, and truthfully, it gives me so much joy and peace to know that I will be able to give that to my future husband one day, but the fact is…right now...I feel like less of a woman. I feel like I’m defective. Or undesirable. Frankly, I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment.


And let me just say, I’m not looking to be built up or complimented or anything like that. I’m just processing a comment I uttered when my walls were down that quite honestly, shocked me. Frankly, I thought I was “stronger” than letting the pressures of society get to me like that. But I guess, my inner heart can still be wounded, no matter how tough of defenses I try to enact.

I think I’m at a very dangerous crossroads of two very different paths. One, of a closed off existence, lived in fear and shame – having cowered away from even looking for a man, simply because I’m afraid of disappointing someone with my non-easiness. Or the other road, where I remain emotionally open and receptive to a relationship – dare I say: even seeking one out, with the confidence and assuredness in my decision to remain a virgin until marriage.

Because it’s either one or the other. There’s not really much grey area anymore – I’m either open to love, or I’m not. And am I really going to let my self-consciousness in the lack of knotches on my belt be the determining factor?

That would be quite the tragedy.

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I guess, this is just my public proclamation, that I am not going to let the shame I may feel get the best of me and dictate the direction my life is going to take.

Because the fact is, I do have a lot to offer a man.

And I’m going to be a damn good wife, if I do say so myself.

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But I can’t be afraid to put myself out there, just because I’m nervous about what he’ll say.

Will it be a deal breaker for some guys? Yes. Probably most guys.

But not for the guy. Not for the right guy.

But I’m not going to meet that guy if I just reject every offer that comes my way and swear off dating, simply because I’m afraid. That’s a pocket veto if I’ve ever seen one.

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SO. Before the month is over, I’m going to go on one date. By Oct 1. I have to stop turning down opportunities, and actually accept one date. I’m asking you to hold me accountable. Okay?

Kapeesh?

Good. Thanks. Glad that’s settled.

Now please excuse me while I go and try to ‘be approachable’ at Barnes & Noble.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

703 thoughts on “Virgin Shaming?”

  2. Very open, honest post that so many people young and old are dealing with. I have experienced both sides of the coin and can attest God’s way is the best way. After engaging in pre-marital relations there is the fear of pregnancy, STDs and HIV, and the Walk of Shame when someone is finished with you. When I meet my current husband and we both had experienced some of the above and wanted to do things God’s way this time. We did not date but hung out and became good friends, who decided to marry. And God has given us a healthy marriage that is growing gracefully as we age. God will send you someone in his time, just be patient because a BAD marriage seems to last an eternity – – take my word for it.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much friend. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. You’re right – His timing is worth mailing for. And thank you for sharing your story. I’m so glad to hear that you have a healthy and loving marriage. That’s a beautiful thing 🙂 big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Good afternoon my dear, courageous, and strong Caralyn,
    Feeling very emotional. Feeling very proud and honored to know you, and it is another time where I would love to sit down and just confide so much in you. Anywho, fair warning this may be another lengthy response but I will try to avoid it. First, virgin shaming is another form of abuse, bullying and leads to a person going down a path that is dark and feels hopeless. Teens, pre-teens, young adults, and even maybe some adults feel too pressured by society to have sex and it is just flipping ridiculous. Society in itself is a big pet peeve. It is the one thing that gets my blood pressure going and I want to turn into the Hulk and smash. God has to remind me to love my enemies and not allow them or this fallen world to drag me into the pits.
    Second, I have been where you were in regards to feeling tipsy, saying and or doing something and then the next day I wanted to hide my shame like an ostrich in the sand. Honestly, I think those moments are why I shelter myself from people as I live with so much shame, guilt, scars, etc..(see long and emotional)
    Moving on past the teardrop hotel, there was a time when I followed so close to God then I was at church every day the doors were open with or without my parents. Anywho, I had plans for my future like you to save myself for the right one. Before Falling away from God, the man he would send me. That all changed one night when someone decided to change my plans. I won’t get into it here and honestly, not sure why I brought up except that what you said reminded me of what I wanted as a child and to say again, how brave and strong you are. What you have is a gift, a gift given by God and never let anyone take that away from you.
    Love always and God Bless you.
    xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh my gosh, I am just sending you so many hugs right now. Thank you for sharing that with me. I am so sorry that that was taken from you without your consent. You did not deserve that. I hope you know that you deserved to be respected and protected and my heart just breaks to hear that. thank you for your loving encouragement. You’re a great friend and I am so grateful that our paths crossed 🙂 big hugs to you friend xox

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Yo BBB! Never feel the need to defend yourself against yourself. Definition of insanity.The only person you have to deal with at night is the person staring at the ceiling, you. I think what you’re doing is great. You are doing something which is difficult through sacrifice: Right action.

    What you are doing takes personal courage and faith. Regardless of the God you pray to, faith is faith, is faith, all around; Something we can all understand and respect. Your knight will show up, right when the time is right, when you least expect it and it’s gonna scare the ever loving tar out of you. Submit to it, not him.

    MMKKE

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Nothing to add that hasn’t already been said – besides, you made your own case in your post! Great read and insight. If he is not willing to accept and appreciate your convictions, then he’s not worth having you.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Great post! I feel for you, because it’s easy to recognize that in our culture, patriarchy has deemed that women fail at “pleasing men” in *any* choice we make regarding our sexuality. Women who choose to wait are shamed, women who didn’t choose to wait are shamed, women who’s choice was taken from them are shamed. You’re absolutely right in that the right man for you will accept you as you are and be thankful to share his life with you. But feel free to vent to us when you need to spout off about the impact this society has had on your well being, mental health, and emotional resiliency. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I absolutely love your honesty in this post.

    In our society today, if you’re not “easy” you are looked down upon, but if you’re “too easy” you’re looked down on. Basically, you cannot make everyone happy.

    I made the decision when I was 14 (I’m 26 now!) to remain a virgin until my wedding night. That vow to God, myself, and my future husband was something I took very seriously. It was also something that God used to protect my heart (mind and spirit) from falling for guys who were truly not worth my time. There were many Saturday nights at home with my mom where I would often cry because I didn’t have “friends” or a “boyfriend” because my morals were higher than that of the “popular crowd” in school.

    I met my now husband when I was 18 and he was 23. One of the first serious conversations that we had was our vow to remain virgins until marriage. He was the first guy (man!) to ever share that vow and live it out. We dated for 4 years before getting married in 2014 and let me tell you, keeping that vow was NOT always easy. But by the grace of God we succeeded, we kept that promise that we had both made so many years ago and you know what?

    It was more worth it than I could have ever dreamed. To have a love with no regrets is one of the most incredible gifts God has ever given to me.

    So stay strong and don’t let this messed up world “shame” you for standing up for what you deserve. Because that’s just it, you deserve a wonderful man who will love YOU for everything that you are, have been, and will be. The waiting sucks, but oh it is so very worth it. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  9. You are hilarious, I tell you. But I can totally relate. I’m married now with 2 kids but I know how it felt them to be classified as ‘virgin mary’, because I made a decision that really doesn’t concern anyone but me. You go girl. I’m choosing to applaud you not because we believe the same things, but I applaud you because you’re not afraid to make a choice.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You are hilarious, I tell you. But I can totally relate. I’m married now with 2 kids but I know how it felt then to be classified as ‘virgin mary’ because I made a decision that really didn’t concern anyone but me, my God and my future spouse. You go girl! I’m choosing to applaud you not because we believe the same things, but I applaud you because you’re not afraid to make a choice.

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  11. Just be open to the opportunities.

    Don’t be like the woman who died in the flood. As the water was rising, a 4×4 arrived and offered to take her to safety; she replied, “No, God will save me.” As the water got higher, a boat arrived and offered to take her to safety; she replied, “No, God will save me.” The water continued to rise and she took refuge on the roof. A helicopter came by and offered to take her to safety; again, she replied, “No, God will save me.” She drowned. When she got to heaven, she confronted God about why she hadn’t been rescued. God replied, “I sent you a 4×4 and a boat and a helicopter. What exactly did you want me to do?”

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  12. your vulnerability is quite beautiful!
    t saddens me that something so precious and special could be perceived as a weakness or liability.
    you are spot on when you said the “right guy” won’t think this way. he is out there…
    wishing you so much love and fun as you begin moving past fear to find him.

    Like

  13. I learned from a life coach I know that the working definition of shame is “I’m not okay how I am”…and in recovery its become so true for me that nobody can make us feel shame without our permission!

    I need to say this; I unfollowed you a long time ago when I started recovery because your posts were, sitting from where I sat, so saturated with religion and conservatism that to me, it was almost unbearable. Recovery has taught me the true meaning of a quote I have long had knowledge of, but never really fully understood. “We do not see things as they are, we see things as WE are.” -Anais Nin

    Resentment ripped me away from your writing and your journey, but part of me was so jealous of what you had that I couldn’t stand to sit there and read it. I wanted to argue, tear at, diminish because I was so afraid of having to stare at the posts laced with so much I couldn’t identify with, so much I disagreed with (and still do), all because I thought that being right was more important than finding honest community, connection and understanding in that we are not that much different. We share different politics, different understandings of the world, and different interactions with different modes of the same disorder–but we are tied together in our human bond of being flawed, vulnerable, altogether uncertain but having a faith that keeps us glued to our convictions. I made the mistake of thinking my convictions were better than yours. But the reality is, I just see the world differently. Not better, but differently. And I see how beautiful that is now.

    Thank you for your story, for checking my humility without even trying, and for your undying love and patience for the world.

    All the love I can possibly find and muster,
    Cait

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Cait, thank you so much for you honesty and for giving my blog another chance. You’re so right – it really is a beautiful things. We all are coming to the table with different perspective and beliefs and backgrounds, but he important thing is that we’re at the same table and there with respect and compassion. 🙂 so thank you for that. You have a beautiful heart, and that is shining through and bringing a big smile to my face. So thank you:) sending so much love and hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  17. You are very honest….
    But speaking from a guy’s point of view, particularly my own, it is actually nice that he knows a girl hasn’t slept around with other men prior to him. Also, a guy that would reject you or refuse to get to know you because you are a virgin would be silly and not someone worth knowing or falling in love with in the first place.
    This is not to mention that our societal pressures are enormous on us when it comes to sex, dating, and marriage. You are certainly not alone!

    Like

  18. I have had christians condemn me for not saving myself for my husband. They look down upon me as if I am scum and they are somehow better than I am because they chose the righteous path.
    I didn’t get to choose. I was abused. Those who use christianity to shame victims of abuse are deplorable. And yet I come in contact with them all too frequently.
    To be a christian there should be love. There should be no judgment. There should be no shaming of virgins or abuse victims or those who simply make mistakes based on their circumstance. I have been a minister for almost 20 years now and I have seen far too much shame put on ANYONE who doesn’t fit the little perfect box that another christian deems them to be fit in. This is NOT christianity. We are imperfect trying to follow Jesus and because of Him we are forgiven NOT judged. You, nor I should be judged for the state of our…well…vaginas….I cannot put it any other way. We should not be judged for our weight, our hair, our sexuality. We should be cherished because of our devotion, our love, and our intent to do no harm but only to help with unconditional love.
    So I stand with you against the shaming of ANYONE. FOR IT IS NOT THE CHRISTIAN WAY.

    Like

    1. Gosh, Bethany, I am so sorry that you had to endure that abuse. that absolutely breaks my heart. know that you did not deserve that abuse. you deserve to be respected and cherished as the precious gift you are. And I am so sorry that that happened to you. I am sending you the absolute biggest hugs. You’re so right, judgement does nothing but hurt people, and create gross generalizations and stereotypes that are false and devastating. Yes!! let’s stand together : )hugs xo

      Liked by 2 people

  19. Consider yourself a gift to someone chosen for you. If you are a gift, you are wrapped without blemish. If I was offered a gift that had been put away and protected until a special moment, I would feel honored. I would feel not so special if that gift had been opened and trashed by others. If the gift was rewrapped and renewed the giver would still know the truth and so would I. You deserve to be honored and respected. Hold your head high. You have done nothing to feel ashamed. You are beautiful and a special gift for someone special.

    Like

  20. I saw that you liked one of my stories, and it brought me here. I don’t know anything about you and have barely perused your blog so far. But, the title of virgin shaming struck me as interesting; since, I am also a virgin at nearly 26 yr old. The V card struggles are real and deep. For me, as a guy, I’m torn by the want to rid myself of it and experience the awesomeness of sex and the desire to stay pure until the day I meet my wife. I look forward to the day I get my first girlfriend, and she accepts me for who I am. I understand your guardedness, and I respect that tremendously. It’s girls like you that guys like me and many other guys dream of. Except, you change the bar to a bonfire and a starlit sky, and you got me sold. But seriously, you are a fantastic young lady who has your whole life ahead of you and everything to look forward to. There isn’t a real rush to go get a guy. There is about as much rush for me to go out and get a girl. Let it flow. Let it happen. It’ll happen when and where you least expect it. God has a plan. Forcing His plan, it usually leads to regrets. I’ve tried a few times in various forms. I’m so proud of you and everything you have and continue to stand for. I hope whomever the lucky guy is that gets the first date whenever that is that he will treat you like the queen you are. If he doesn’t, God has a way of straightening things out real quick. God bless and wish we could meet in person one day. Keep strong. You aren’t the only virgin left.

    Like

    1. Let it flow. Let it happen. I love that. Gosh, thank you so much for sharing your story and for your wonderful encouragement. It really means a lot. I appreciate your honesty. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Absolutely. Glad to contribute a few words of honesty and transparency to your life story that is continuing to be written. Hugs. I look forward to reading and replying as you continue to express your life and thoughts here. Hopefully I can lend a hand whenever you need one to hold and a shoulder when you need something to stabilize you. God Bless.

        Like

  21. Thank you for this blogpost about such an important issue! I notice “virgin shame” in our culture too. I hate how the movie “Grease” made fun of virginity and goodness and implied that the way to win a guy is by dressing and acting like a slut and throwing your body at him. It hasn’t gotten any better since that film was made. That kind of thing kind of gives the impression this world is not in the hands of the best, doesn’t it?

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  22. Wow. Everyone has said everything. 😁 post,BBB, and being in the sane shoes as you, I 100 relate. Thanks for sharing that. Keep writing and sharing😊 God will do the greater work. Lots of love, lady!😉

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  23. I chose to remain a virgin until marriage too. I’m probably twice your age as I got married in my early 20’s and have been so for half my life. Remaining a virgin was the choice I knew was right for me but it certainly wasn’t well received or accepted by many of my friends and especially potential boyfriends. I even had a friends mother tell me that I should try sex at least once before marriage so I know what to expect.

    Despite all I experienced because of my choice I stood my ground and so thankful I did. God will put the right man in your life at the right time. Be strong, don’t settle! God has a plan!! ❤️🙏🏼

    Liked by 2 people

  24. This is a great post on a topic that’s polarizing, but really shouldn’t be (it’s your choice, after all!). I think you’ve taken a really sensible approach here. Can’t wait to hear how that date turns out!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Ms. Caralyn, this post had me in tears for joy! I second all who have commented that holding out for the husband God will send you way to appreciate everything about you. I may need to take a day reading your post, but I will definitely get your book for my daughters and granddaughters. This post alone has blessed Me in ways I can’t even explain. Praying God continues to be your guide, beautiful BeautyBeyondBone!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I remained a virgin through high school. I had a lot of guilt and fear around sex because of my Christian upbringing, even though I revolted against it by the time I was fifteen or sixteen. Then I had shame because I had remained a virgin and felt I would be inadequate because of it.

    A woman who has remained a virgin until marriage is not somehow defective. She is a prize. It’s our time and place that are defective. If you find a godly man, or even a good man who is not a Christian, he will respect you for keeping your virtue, and if he hasn’t done so he will wish that he had. Men like that are rare, but they exist.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. I meant to say: if I could go back and talk to myself when I was 14 or 15, I would tell myself that it takes great strength of character to wait until you are married, when everyone is telling you you must be gay or screwed up if you’re still a virgin. I probably wouldn’t have listened to myself though. But it’s true. There isn’t something wrong with you because you’ve chosen to pay the price for trusting that what God says is good and right is good and right. Don’t give up. The difficulty you experience in being faithful is being used by God to prepare you for other works He has for you to do.

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  29. Great post. I know you were not look for compliments when you wrote this, but you are not less of a woman, nor are you defective, or undesirable. Instead you’re whole and pure, and I’m so glad that you have joy and peace in knowing that. It’s something to both celebrate and protect. As a man who wants to be married to a solid Christian girl, that’s a quality I want in my wife, and it’s one that I want to give her when her and I do get together. This isn’t meant to come off as cliche, but celebrate the beautiful gift you possess. Your husband will be so grateful knowing you saved your best for him and not the rest. Oh, and extra points for using an animated GIF of Urkel!

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  30. I love your use of photos/videos/gifs. I make videos and I love humor so I doubly enjoyed your selections. After I read this post and your comments about you Catholicism, I can’t for the life of me understand why you signed on to my blog? Love to understand.

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  31. I don’t know how old you are but I think this is something that is bothering you very much, because, this is the second time I’m hearing you talk about your virginity. I’d say, don’t think too much on it, let it go and you’ll find peace with yourself. God bless (I also pray you find someone that loves you just the way you are)

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  33. I don’t have a daughter… Only sons. So I pray this for their future wives…
    They are so hidden in Jesus under God’s wing my sons will have to be seeking Jesus to find her.
    Pray that for you too.💝

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  34. I’m proud of you! Your sex-status is to be commended because it is truly a rare status to sport in this day and time. But you can strut your stuff, and don’t turn down any dates you feel God is sending your way. You never know the next man might an angel meant just for you!

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  35. Dear Caralyn,

    Just because the prevailing culture has decided that your purpose as a young woman is to give and receive sexual pleasure does not make it so. Too many men, young and old, view wives or girlfriends as little more than a toilet for relieving themselves. You are not a toilet.

    One good way to separate the toilet seekers from the real men with honorable intentions is to choose not to be a toilet. Toilet seekers will wander off in search of relief. Good riddance. You do not want to be treated like a toilet for the rest of your life. You do not want to be a divorced, single mother, if for whatever reason, the sex dries up, because he was looking for a toilet and the toilet is now broken and he wants a new one.

    Marriage is about finding someone to build a family with. Reproduction is more than sperm meeting egg and producing a baby. Reproduction is about passing on your values and beliefs to your children–those values and beliefs that are most precious to you. To do that, you need someone who shares those values and beliefs–and that doesn’t include toilet boy.

    I tend towards bluntness. If this is too blunt, you won’t hurt my feelings by deleting the comment.

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  36. When my husband and I got married we were both virgins. We both shared the conviction that we should save ourselves for marriage. Prior to me marrying my husband I got accused of all kinds of things because of my choice. I can honestly say saving ourselves for marriage was a precious gift that we gave one another. It is lovely what peace and trust that purity has brought to our lives. I just want to encourage you, any one has the ability to give that up. It takes courage and strength to stick to your convictions and believe God has that right guy for you.

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  37. Your virginity is a badge of honor. Do not compromise your integrity for anyone! When the right man comes along, he won’t want you to give up your morality for him. To him you will be perfect the way you are. Too many will compromise in hopes of catching a mate, don’t be one of the masses; be one of the noble pure. God bless, R. I.

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  38. Ok…… Did you go on the date is what I wanna know? Lol. Awesome read. Know and trust who YOU are. Your future husband will love that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hahahaha thank you so much! only if you count going out with a guy friend 🙂 haha but I’m still determined to go out in the next week or so!! i’m working on it 🙂 thanks for keeping me accountable! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  39. It’s Oct. 3, did you go on that date? Just so you know, it’s not just young people who feel the virgin shaming. I’m not a virgin, been married, had kids. He’s gone now, and I have no desire to date and hop into bed with some guy. Of course, there are other issues, so for now I don’t date and I’m okay with that. Not sure how much longer that will be true though. Thanks for stopping by.

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      1. Haha, classic. Friends date sort of count, but only if interest persists. Otherwise it’s a nice night out with a good friend, which is just as great. After reading your 10 Thoughts on Dating, though, I would say it doesn’t. But you are a breath of fresh air and I look forward to reading more from you and getting to know you through your writing. Take care and I’ll see you next post!

        Liked by 1 person

  43. Thank you for your transparency! I am trying my best, with the Lord’s guidance, to encourage a beautiful high school senior to remain a virgin…to wait on the husband God has for her. She is struggling but truly wants to make the commitment to wait. I will share this with her.

    Blessings to you as you stay the course!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Dear heart, I encourage you in your virginity. This is God’s intent and gift. There is no shame or embarrassment in this. If only our society were so modest. As a 43-year-old virgin I can attest to you that my virginity is a BLESSING and GIFT to my future husband, if this is God’s will for me (to marry). I love the Lord and love His ways! Trust and know that there are great blessings in obedience!! God bless you and here to encourage you.

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  47. I admire your courage in being so open about this topic. Sometimes I too feel a bit ashamed of being a virgin because we live in a world where your sexuality should apparently define you. This post was a welcome affirmation for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. No shame in saving yourself for your future husband. You are a role model to so many for making that commitment to yourself and a godly man would definitely see it. You are covered by God!

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Saving yourself for marriage is honorable. It’s also God’s way and God’s way is always best. Anyone who would taunt you or ridicule you for being a virgin is jealous and realizes they have given the best gift they have to give to a husband up cheaply. Don’t ever be ashamed of doing things God’s way. Perhaps not drinking alcohol would also be beneficial. Why put something in your mouth that’s going to mock you? Just a thought, not a judgement. Be proud and be who you are. God bless you.

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  50. Love the honesty in your posts ❤️

    And so much has already been said in the comments here that I wonder if I have anything new to add. Haha.

    But anyway, here’s my story… Hope it inspires in some way.

    I never dated all throughout my student years. This was not a deliberate choice on my part, it just turned out that way.

    Mostly, I lived through unending cycles of liking guys who didn’t fancy me, or being pursued by guys I didn’t have any interest in.

    I remember stupidly telling a friend who once asked me if I was seeing anyone that “I hoped the guy I dated would be the one I marry.” I felt so foolish afterwards because it felt like an impossible thing to ever happen.

    Fast forward many, many years later, I met my husband when I was 25. We were on the same committee that was organising a camp for young adults through a ministry known as Graduate Christian Fellowship.

    We were in an exclusive relationship a year later, and got married 3 years afterwards. All throughout our courtship we never even kissed and our first kiss was on our wedding day.

    And here’s the extra amazing thing: We had never dated anyone else prior to our relationship with each other (I nearly did after graduation, but it didn’t work out and that’s another long story hehe).

    A lot of the things that happened in my journey towards marriage were not necessarily because of my superior spirituality or wonderful character or anything like that. In fact, it was a hard, long road with lots of sillyness and embarassing behaviour from me factored into it. That it all turned out well was really a giant dose of God’s grace.

    Despite all the many tears and tough times over the years, I’d say I’m thankful for the way God unfolded His plan for my life. In many ways, we can never predict what He has in store, but it is always for the best though we may not see it yet from where we are right now.

    Hang in there, just be the unique person that I see you already are, and who knows when that gorgeous dude whom you will marry will cross your path.

    “Experience” in terms of sexual encounters is certainly not needed for a splendid Happily Ever After outcome. We did just great over here without any of that. 🙂

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