The Other S-Word

I’ve gotta tell ya…sometimes I just cannot believe how socially dense we can be in 2018.

I mean, for as politically correct and inclusive our carefully chosen words are…y-i-k-e-s.

Let me back up.

Over the weekend, I took my dad out for his birthday. We went shopping, saw a movie, and went to lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.

It was a great day.

But while we were at lunch, I honestly had one of those moments where I was quite taken aback.

For there, plastered across my menu, staring me in the face, was the word “Skinnylicious.” It was their “low calorie” menu.

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The good old folks at The Cheesecake Factory thought it was a good idea to remind you of your ultimate life goal of becoming “skinny” right before you have a slice of peanut butter ripple chocolate cheesecake with extra fresh whipped cream.

But sitting there and seeing the word “Skinnylicious,”  I literally let out an audible groan.

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Shop this look!

Are you freaking kidding me?

Come on, Cheesecake Factory, you’re better than that.

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This is just wrong on so many levels.

And you may be wondering, okay, what’s so wrong with that -admittedly- clever advertising?

“Skinny” is very problematic word.

Awful, in fact.

As a survivor of severe anorexia that almost cost me my life, I can say with authority, that “skinny” is killing our girls.

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As a society, we are obsessed with underweight, “skinny” women. We photoshop gorgeous, already slim models to be thinner, and present this unattainable, computer generated body type as “ideal.” Not skinny? Poor you — you’re not beautiful or desirable.

We’re placing more value on our body size than on the condition of our hearts and soul.

But here comes The Cheesecake Factory saying, “Oh, deprive yourself of what you really want, and settle on this low calorie choice, all in the pursuit of skinny.

They’re making it seem like “Skinny” is the sole purpose of taking care of your body. Why not label it “Healthier Choices?” Or “Lighter Options?” Rather than, Skinnylicious – which communicates that “Skinny” is why you’re eating healthier in the first place. Listen: I’m not against offering healthier food choices at restaurants. I’m all for it. Heaven knows that America needs an intervention in our waistlines. But why bring “skinny” into it?

And yeah, I get it – it’s a clever play on words, and maybe you think I’m overreacting, but “skinny” is a highly emotional word for a lot of people – and dare I say…triggering.

Even as a former anorexic, sitting there this weekend, 10 years recovered, I still read that menu and had to fight with every ounce of me the negative energy and shockwaves that bristled my spine, thanks to that damn “S-word” — skinny.

During my anorexia, I literally was dying to achieve that hallowed title: skinny. And even at 78 pounds, I was never “skinny” enough in my mind. I killed myself with extreme exercise; obsessed about food all the time, yet never eating it. And the only morsels of food I ever would allow myself to eat were always diet foods – low calorie, low this, low that – all to achieve skinny.

“Skinny” landed me at a 3 month stay at an Inpatient Treatment Facility, barely hanging on. And in fact, one of the biggest obstacles you have to overcome in your recovery journey is learning how to eat “regular, full-calorie” foods and meals. I cannot put into words how challenging this was for not just me, but for literally every girl there. There were tears –nay– *breakdowns* TANTRUMS, even – at the eating tables over full calorie foods.

So to see that low calorie menu touted as skinny — it was just an out of touch, slap in the face. Skinnylicious:  taunting diners that – by choosing a *gasp* regular “full calorie” meal, that they are, in fact, not skinny. In other words, Choose from the “full calorie” menu, and you’re a fatty! Or, not so discretely suggesting that by eating from the regular menu, you’re letting yourself go.

Just awful.

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I remember a few weeks after I got out of inpatient, I went to The Cheesecake Factory with my dad. I still had some substantial weight to gain even after my stay, and yes – I was still very much struggling. Somehow, that night, I managed to eat two slices of cheesecake by myself. And actually enjoyed it. I can still remember. The Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough one, and Adam’s Peanut Butter Cup Fudge Ripple Cheesecake.

But it was easily the scariest meal of my life, and I felt so accomplished afterwards.

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But had there been a Skinnylicious menu staring me in the face as a still-underweight-and-struggling-anorexia-survivor-trying-to-reclaim-her-life….I woulda been out of there faster than a bat outta hell.

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There is more to life than skinny. 

And frankly, it’s time we stop worshiping “skinny.”

We lust after it. We envy it. We will destroy anything in our path in order to achieve it…even if that means ourselves.

Skinny is not the be-all-end-all. Skinny does not dictate your worth as a person.

Skinny will never love you.

But God will.

Let’s give our girls something real to hold in high esteem other than skinny: Like women who are kind. Joyful. Generous. Brave. Strong. Smart.

Skinny needs to be burned from our vocabulary.

And Skinnylicious can go crawl in a hole and die for as far as I’m concerned.

Get with the program, Cheesecake Factory.

You may make good sweets, but frankly that idea was dumb as bricks.

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209 thoughts on “The Other S-Word

  1. I hate that word!!! Not allowed in our house. I have 11 and 15yo girls and we use the word healthy. Our goal is to be healthy and the mirror has nothing to do with that!!! Of course, the world bombards us all with “skinny” but I am doing the best I can to teach them healthy and that it starts on the inside.

    1. same here! oh that is so refreshing to hear that about your house! amennnnnn!!! big hugs xox

  2. Something must be in the air this week. I read a blog post today where a woman discussed the concept of “pretty” and how this too should be taken from our descriptive lexicon when talking about our self. There is nothing wrong with being pretty, beautiful but like skinny, it does not, have a connotation that builds up and strengthens our identity as women, and girls.

    1. That is such a great point. It needs to stop being so closely tied with our identity as women. so well said, thank you Teri! Hugs and love xox

  3. I eat grain-free so they hand me that “skinnylicious menu” too. Gross, honestly I’ve not been impressed at all. Apparently you can’t have your cake and eat it too 😉

    1. Thank you Sierra. Yeah, you’re right abut that. Makes me sad. big hugs to you xox

  4. Time to stop worshipping skinny — YES! I feel the same annoyance when I see these labels. I achieved “skinny” around 6-7 years ago, when I was a size 0, eating maybe 1000 calories a day, and shivering, because I wasn’t eating enough to stay warm. It was so ridiculous. Now, I eat better and wear size 8 — a much healthier size, in my opinion. Even better, I feel fantastic, I love my body, and I know that I make food good choices most of the time. Shouldn’t that be the goal, instead of achieving “skinny?” I hope they wisen up and change those food labels soon!

    1. Amen!! thanks for this awesome response. You’re so right – that IS the goal!! you go, my friend. cheering you on ! Hugs and love xox

    1. hahahahahaha oh my gosh this is amazing. hahahah literally having a gut busting laugh . thank you 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  5. Thank you for bringing this subtle stuff to the forefront. Every point you made about the implied message was spot-on. Here’s hoping that awareness of wording brings the necessary changes.

    1. thank you friend. amen – awareness of wording — because it’s true, words are powerful. even when we don’t mean to be sending harmful undertones. Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you so much Natalie!! I appreciate the support. yeah, very problematic! Hugs and love xox

  6. well damn! that’s ridiculous! I hope when you got home you wrote a nice email of complaint! they need to take this on bord! this is wrong on so many levels! xo

    1. thank you so much. You know, i actually didn’t send an email, but wow – i should! that didn’t even cross my mind to do…but i will now!!! Hugs and love xox

  7. All you have to do is look at Instagram to see what women think is important in order to be attractive. I have a friend who is in her early 40’s, and she is constantly taking selfies – making sure her boobs are showing – in her workout clothes – and posting something new each week. I want to tell her – you are better than this! Beauty comes from your heart. When will we learn this?

    1. Hi Teri! Oh my goodness, that is so true. beauty comes from the heart — amen!!! Hugs and love xox

  8. I am glad you are speaking up about it and I hope Cheesecake Factory sees your post. It is good you give a voice to girls not only with ED but body image in general. I see the problem with young women from other cultures who are my students. They compare themselves to what they see on magazine covers.

    1. Thank you friend. I really hope they see it too. Yeah, the magazine covers are the worst in that regard. so harmful to hold up these airbrushed images as the standard of beauty. big hugs xo

  9. A colleague of mine said she needed to lose 20lbs. I said, “Why? You don’t need to lose any weight.” I could see she was taken aback, but she already looks wonderful.

  10. Doubly amazing is that the place with the 1200 cal desserts and a menu that could turn us all diabetic in short order is promoting its healthy menu as a way to be, well, that S word.

    Thanks for making us all think!

    1. no kidding!!! thanks JP, yeah words have power, that’s for sure. Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much John, I appreciate your support. Words are powerful things! Hugs and love xox

  11. Well the last time I looked at my waist that would be the menu I would be looking for, just not at the cheesecake factory, that’s like looking for oceanfront property in Montana.

    1. hahaha oh gosh, this made me laugh out loud. Thanks for this response. An oceanfront property in Montana — so funny! Hugs and love xox

  12. I know this isn’t the point of your article and I’m not making light of your actual point (I promise)… But when you say ‘Shop this look”, does that come with the Pursed Lips of Disappointment(TM) and the Cheesecake Factory menu? Or are those sold separately, batteries not included, some assembly required?

    1. hahahah some assembly required, for sure 🙂 hehehe And you’re right — that was quite the look…it said 1000 words….also sold separately 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  13. Wonderful post yet again, i really wish i could sit down and have a face to face conversation with you. Everything you post is bang on and what you describe of your battle with anorexia is exactly what i am going through at this moment. Just wish i had your strength.

    1. Thank you so much Matt! aw, what a kind thing to say. I’m so sorry that you’re going through something similar. Hang in there. Know that I am in your corner 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  14. I love the courage and boldness of this post! You are inspiring. I think we all can relate to the struggle. I see men and women in the gym seeking a physical perfection in the same way people chase the S word. And sadly never leaving their meal plan or the weight bench long enough to enjoy the healthy, well balanced life they are pursuing. Some of them still see the body they were running from when they began their journey, staring back at them in mirror. I spent my 4 years in high school wrestling. I remember leaving the house on Thanksgivings because I had a tournament approaching and couldn’t bare the shame that comes with missing weight. After the final wrestling match of my senior year, where I won a state championship, instead of going out to celebrate with friends and family I stayed home. I ordered two Hawaiian pizzas and a 2 liter of Coca-Cola proceeded to eat so much that I was sick for 2 days. Its a horrible pressure to place on yourself or others. And the social impact can be seen in all of its extremes when we leave our homes each day. Thank you so much for posting this. Really enjoyed reading it.

    1. Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response and for sharing your experience. you’re so right – there is so much pressure, and athletics just heightens it, especially for our young high schoolers. I appreciate this perspective and insight. Hugs and love xox

  15. “As a society, we are obsessed with underweight, “skinny” women.” – society is wrong in so many level. Equating a healthy look with being skinny is nothing but a marketing gimmick perpetuated originally by western culture and then a pedestrian by rest of the world.
    Be healthy and happy.

    1. So true. It is wrong on so many levels. Healthy and happy! that’s what we should be striving for! amen! Hugs and love xox

  16. This was a hard article to read, because I had a hard time really getting it. What do I say to my friend tonight? Well, I made a discovery that might surprise you, and I put the story over at Patreon.

    1. Thanks Jeff, I’m sorry this was hard to read. I look forward to reading your discovery 🙂 big hugs to you xox

  17. Thank you for writing this post. I struggled with body image when I was in high school and college. I deprived myself and binged/purged as well. I watched a friend disappear before my eyes and saw her get hospitalized twice. Thank you for bring this to everyone’s attention.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Gosh, I’m so sorry that you went through that. Yeah, eating disorders are no joke, and words have power. thanks for taking the time to read. Hugs and love xox

  18. What a struggle–you should feel good knowing that the truths about what that’s like for a woman can only be spoke your way.

    1. Thank you so much for this support, my friend. Yeah, someone needed to say something. because words like that, unfortunately have power. Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you so much TR!! I appreciate the support. hope your week is off to a good start! Hugs and love xox

    1. It really is so crushing. And you’re right- people on all ends of the “weight spectrum.” Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. big hugs xo

  19. I agree-there’s too much emphasis on the waistline. The one you can’t obtain in a healthy manner. Not that I don’t struggle some, but I don’t get on the scale unless I’m at the doctor. I don’t want to set that example for my daughter. I want her to love God, and love the way he made her.

    1. Waaaay too much emphasis on waistline. I’m all for healthy lifestyles and advocating health and wellness — but why does “skinny” have to be part of the conversation!? Same here. In fact, I don’t even own a scale. You sounds like an awesome parent! Your daughter is lucky to have you. Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much Gorman. You’re absolutely right about they. They are vital. And powerful – either one way or the other. Hugs and love xox

  20. I’m with you 100%.
    My super fine girlfriend of 4 years is near MODEL PERFECT and at 63 she honestly looks in her mid to late FORTIES….
    But, to hear her constant self infliction of “I’m so fat” is an on going and completely unnecessary hindrance. It’s NEVER ENOUGH. So, the world’s message of get skinny be skinny and so forth is pure trash. It makes about as much as “Hey, end gun violence and take away our guns and preserve human life, but oh, by the way, it perfectly fine to KILL 1.5 MILLION babies a year”. Preserve Life?
    Oh Vay, Caralyn, it drives me nuts.
    Yeah, the whole skinnything is indeed KILLING our young girls wholesale and creating untold misery.
    Sorry for the rant. But, your blog reminded me of the mass hypocrisy in America.
    Maybe you’ll stamp it out, and make a fee people wake up.
    Will bet $100 The monkey at the Cheesecake factory who made up that word weighs in at who knows how fat.

    Oops. That was bad.

    Great post AGAIN!

    THANK YOU

    Roland

    xox

    1. Hi Roland, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Pure trash – I’m with you on that. I completely agree! Not a rant at all! You’re speaking truth, my friend. speaking truth, and I for one, am grateful for it! Hugs and love xox

  21. Wow. You’re so right. Much of the advertising gimmicks can be so thoughtless. I may not know what it’s like to desire to be thin, but that’s only because I’ve always been VERY thin my whole life, and guess what ? It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Way too much emphasis has been placed on weight. In childhood I had nicknames such as “Skinny-minny” and “Skin & bones” and I dislked it very much. In the past I have had to drink the “Ensure” drinks in addition to meals in order to gain weight – never worked. In college I was actually accused of being anorexic simply because of how thin I was. I soon came to learn that being underweight can be just as much of a problem as being overweight. So I accept myself as I am, even if that self is 47 years old & only 92 lbs. My weight doesn’t define me!

    Great post!

    1. Hi Joy, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you had to go though that growing up. No weight definitely doesn’t define us! I’m glad you’ve found self love and acceptance! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you Stephanie. You’re so right about that! Focus on healthy and nutritious! yes! Hugs and love xox

  22. Caralyn, you are so right that emphasis on being skinny is wrong. It places the emphasis on the wrong thing–our outer shell. People feel unworthy because of someone else’s emphasis on their idea of “beauty.” No talk about the traits of kindness, love, mercy, friendship, honesty, faithfulness, forgiveness, etc. I know too well the feeling of being looked at as “fat,” and unacceptable. After many diets, my weight went up due to a ruined metabolism and not valuing myself for who I was. Outer beauty is fleeting but the inner beauty of character and appreciation of our own uniqueness lasts. XOXO

    1. thank you so much! That is so true – our outer shell is simply just that: a shell that houses our inner selves. Our spirit. And thank you for sharing your story. Sending you so much love and hugs oxox

  23. Great post, as usual. You know, until you posted this, it never dawned on insensitive me that words like that could be insulting or triggering for someone who struggles with their weight (either end of the spectrum). Thank you for enlightening me!
    I’m probably clueless about the effect of such words because I too have bought into the “skinny is in” culture and I’m very conscious of how many calories I put in my body. We get desensitized by the rampant use of words like that and the photoshopped pictures to give us a visual of “what we should be like.”
    I get called “skinny” or “thin” fairly often, but at 5’8” and 130 lbs I’m not underweight (nor overweight), although, I must admit I frequently have thoughts and verbalize “I need to lose weight,” “I don’t need to eat that,” or “I need to exercise to tone up this flab,” or whatever (despite my husband’s protests).
    I have a terrible sweet tooth, though (whole mouthful of sweet teeth, actually 😉), and have to curb my appetite for desserts in order to keep my figure. I’m one who does choose diet or light menu options just so I don’t feel as guilty when I indulge in a piece of cheesecake afterwards.

    1. thank you so much Mia! Yeah, it really is hurtful to a lot of people. and it definitely makes me think about the words coming out of my own mouth, and what might be inadvertently hurtful to someone. Yeah I definitely hear you on that! Hugs and love xox

  24. Well, shit. I had a similar experience whereby the word “skinny” was used very liberally in my all-girls secondary school. Being a young 14 year old in such an environment was really damaging and definitely warped my senses with regard to my body image. Every time I heard the word “skinny” being used by my friends and “fat” being directed at me it renewed my belief that not eating for a whole day was fine. Unfortunately, “dieting”, as the media calls it, did nothing for my weight because my body was storing everything it could get its hands on and that just further lowered my self esteem. Nobody I went to school with could tell I wasn’t eating because they couldn’t see it visually and any occasional weight loss was seen as me trying to “look better”.

    All I can say is those were really hard times that I hardly ever talk about but reading your blog has given me strength to slowly start opening up to people. Thank YOU for having the strength and courage to get through this illness and being brave enough to share your experiences with the world.

    1. Hi friend, gosh thank you so much for sharing your heart and your experience. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. You’re absolutely right – words can be so harmful. I appreciate your kindness. Hugs and love xox

  25. I order the same thing every time there, so I didn’t even let the words sink in when I read it. I probably ignored it anyway since I planned to order fries. Ugh. It’s such a balance, and I’ve been so hard on myself lately without making any positive life changes (as if lecturing myself will help me make healthier choices??). Thank you for sharing!!

    1. Thank you so much Melclay. Positive life changes – where can I sign up for those?!!! Haha Hugs and love xox

  26. That’s just plain insultive and disrespectful to all slim girls I would say! How dare they do such a horrible thing to pull down those girls/women? I can’t believe this is what menu’s have come to!! To all girls/women no matter what your size or shade of skin maybe, just remember you are loved by the Kings of kings and Lord’s of lords and he made each and everyone of us beautiful! We are ALL one in him and he in us! Thanks so much for standing up to this and for sharing as well! God bless you and much love girlie! Man! 😅 its been a while I haven’t seen your blog! Welp, I better CATCH up now lol 😭💕

  27. Carolyn, your experience gives your words greater clout than someone writing from an intellectual level only. Good thought and well said.

  28. Love your article. Definitely anorexia come from the social media an ads killing the natural and beautiful image from a natural woman capable to do wonderful things with their minds instead than with the skinny body.
    Thank you beautiful for supporting girls with anorexia.
    Much love!

    1. Thank you so much Andrea. That’s so true. We need to celebrate those things. big hugs xo

  29. We do have some odd priorities promoted in today’s world and its great you take on some of these issues trying to bring some balance into the way modern society thinks. We now commercialize things that are destructive to individual health.

    1. That’s so true, Ian. Thank you so much. Very destructive indeed. Hugs and love xox

  30. That made me cringe as well. There would have been a time when I would thought, ‘Yes! Thank you, Cheesecake Factory. Now I can have cake. Of course I won’t allow myself to eat anything else today because I had cake, but that’s beside the point.’

    1. Thank you so much Eva, cringe worthy indeed. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  31. This post resonated with me on an indescribable level. I have an issue with the “fat” vs “skinny” beauty standard, having had an obsession with being skinny when I was in my teens and obsessing over food 24/7, as you yourself went through.
    What irks me most is people who are unhealthily skinny yet comment on people who they perceive as ‘fat’. My mom is on the receiving end of this, with her bf’s sister who is the unhealthily skinny one. She comments on my mom’s lack of figure every single year whenever we go new year visiting! It irks me to no end especially when there was once I came across a bottle of slimming pills my mom tried to take to lose weight. Fortunately though she’s going about changing her diet in a much healthier way now that she’s gotten her triple diagnosis of diabetes, high cholesterol and blood pressure. Those three run in my mom’s side of the family, unfortunately.

    All in all I think this goes to show body image and health problems can affect anyone regardless of age group, as the ‘slim body’ type has been praised for decades even long before our time!

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad this hit home with you. I will definitely keep your mother’s health in my prayers 🙂 Great points here. Hugs and love xox

  32. xo Great to read this post and great to read all the comments too. I whole heartedly agree and I thank you for putting this into words. I am in recovery at the moment and co-incidentally I had a spontaneous slice of cheesecake yesterday! 🙂 It is hard to wrestle my relationship with food back from the values of anorexia – wherein I make myself a better person if I eat less and a worse and bad/undeserving/uncontrolled person if I eat more. To be in a world where those distorted values are normalised, celebrated and presented as casual fun is just plain dangerous… but this is the way the world seems to be turning, and it’s it essential that those who are strong and clear minded enough to call it out do x so thank you and I’m standing with you xo Em

    1. Thank you so much Em, I really appreciate your support and kind words on this. And way to go on the cheesecake!!! woo! cheering for you friend. 🙂 So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  33. This was such an eye opener for me. I’ve never had to deal with an eating disorder, but struggled my entire life with excepting my body. I also wanted to be skinny like all my friends and the emotional damage I caused myself will never go away. Even today I still struggle with the idea that I will never be “skinny”, but luckily I found my happy place and realize there is a huge difference between being skinny and being healthy.
    Have a almost 4 year old girl also made me more aware of the word “skinny” and how it can rule your life.
    Thank you for being so brave and sharing your journey. I hope that I can teach my daughter to love her body and not the concept of “skinny”

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Yes! Focusing on healthy is so awesome. It sounds like you’re an amazing parent. your daughter is lucky to have you!! Hugs and love xox

  34. I get what you are saying. When I was thirteen my sister came to visit me and the first thing she told me was that I was fat for my age… I swear I look at pics of myself from that time and I see no fat… but her words hit me deep and no matter how small or healthy I was … I always saw fat… now i truly have a weight problem and I look back and wish I could be where I was when I thought I was fat.

    As we are growing and developing… peoples words have so much more power to really mess with out heads than they realize

    1. Hi Sylvia, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you carried that comment with you. Gosh, that breaks my heart. you’re so right – words are so powerful. sending so much love xox

  35. I went to The Cheesecake Factory recently with some co-workers and was somewhat triggered by this menu. I am also highly triggered by calories all over menus. Ugh. There’s nothing like having that number taunting you while you’re trying to make a meal decision that is not fueled by your ED. To be honest, I still have a really hard time going out to dinner unless it’s one of my “healthier” places. I’m not quite there in my recovery yet. The last thing I need is for words/numbers on the menu making it harder for me. 😕

    1. Hi Kirsten, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am with you there! Why do we need the calories plastered everywhere? Why not give the server the information, and if a customer requests that caloric info, they can get it from them, rather than blast it all over the menu?? Amen to that! Know that I am in your corner, cheering for you in your recovery, my friend 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  36. My daughter keeps asking me if she is thin. It seems to be her holy grail and right now she is finding it very difficult to be a normal, healthy weight. It doesn’t help that there is so much emphasis on an ideal, unhealthily thin body type.

    1. Oh gosh, yeah these messages hit girls younger and younger. They have eyes and ears and they are very perceptive of society’s obsession with thin! Thank you for sharing that. sending big hugs xox

  37. I appreciate you bringing this to light. In addition to being cool and unconventional™️ I’m fairly woke and yet, this was a big eye opener. It was like I was seeing it but not seeing it – know what I mean? Thanks for being vulnerable with us once again.

    1. Thanks Brad, I do know what you mean. Yeah it’s one of those things that can seem harmless on the surface. thanks for stopping by, my woke friend, you 🙂 hahaha Hugs and love xox

  38. New to your blog & wanted to say I LOVE your candidness and fierce spirit. You are fighting not only for yourself but the future generations of young women (and men!) who shouldn’t have to sacrifice themselves to fit an impossible standard set by society.
    You go girl!!! <3

    1. Thank you so much Jenni! I really appreciate your encouragement and support. amen to that! Hugs and love xox

  39. But, the food is good on that menu. I eat off that menu all the time. I love their enchiladas. Fewer calories and actually pretty good. Never thought about the word, but I can see how it would offend.

    1. Thank you Tikeetha, yeah there’s nothing wrong with offering healthy food! I think that is terrific! but to label it as “skinny” food — it’s just sending the wrong message. but i’m glad you’ve had a good experience with the food! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  40. I have noticed here recently that all the big coffee chains such as Starbucks offer ‘skinny lattes, skinny cappuccinos, skinny hot chocolate etc. What’s wrong with low fat or reduced fat? People can be watching their fat intake for many different reasons NOT because they want to be skinny!!!!!!!

    1. Oh yeah, that’s definitely a trend too. No fat no sugar no blah blah blah. I’m with you there!!!! I don’t drink coffee, so this is definitely another example that I had forgotten about! thanks for sharing! Hugs and love xox

  41. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have struggled with this concept forever. I hate it! It’s such a gimmick, and all these companies have no clue, or no brains, to see how damaging this one word can be to so many people! Thank you for speaking up and saying something!!

    1. thank you so much Laura Beth. I hate it too!!! It really is such a harmful word. Shocking that they don’t realize that. Or if they do, that they don’t care…which is even worse. Hugs and love xox

  42. I think it’s so contradicting your at the Cheesecake Factory … crazy .. what i do not like how teenagers awhile back where trying to loose weight or just be skinny I quote using that word to be able to make a v shape with your legs just standing have you heard of that ?

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Yes, I have definitely heard of that – and it is an incredibly harmful trend. The eating disorder sufferers refer to this as a “thigh gap.” Like the word, “skinny” — girls are killing themselves for it — my (former) self included. Hugs and love xox

  43. Preach it sister! To be honest, I think it’s so stupid that a restaurant famous for rich desserts would even attempt at a “diet” menu. Like anyone who’s seriously losing weight would go there! It’s all a marketing ploy to trap girls into a certain image. But we are not worth any less for eating full calorie foods, nor are we worth more if we eat “health foods.” We must pursue a balanced diet that is healthy for our own bodies. Skinny fails us every time, but inner Godly beauty never will! 💓

    1. Thank you so much Emily, I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. You’re absolutely right – a balanced diet! And the thing about that, is that a balanced diet includes those full calorie choices and can even include cheesecake! Everything in moderation. And amen amen amen – inner Godly beauty! woo!! Hugs and love xox

  44. Wow, really great post! It seems as if our society is handing out eating disorders left and right. It is refreshing to read an article in which this cultural norm is pointed out! Nice job 🙂

    1. Thank you so much! Sadly, you’re right abut that. thanks for stopping by and for your support! Hugs and love xox

  45. I am now thankful I am 6′ tall and 270 pounds. Just so you know, it is the product of 59 years of hard work. Being overweight is not for sissies. Good words, thanks!

  46. Agreed! Skinny makes us fat too! Oprah said “America got fat on the low fat diet!” Reminds me how unhealthy the relationship between Americans and food is! To add to the point, who goes to Cheesecake Factory for “skinny food” anyway? Seriously! It’s like they lost sight of who they are: American cuisine with cheesecake dessert. This adds to your point that being skinny obsessed causes folks to lose their way, forgetting their purpose. When we forget who we are and what we are about then we fall for cheap tricks like attracting a “health conscious” crowd with such a menu. Health conscious folks eat there all the time, and we know how to read a menu to discover the healthy food, please stop selling your business short and degrading my intelligence by showing me what you think I need. Rant over.

    1. Thanks so much, friend. so many great points here!! Amen amen amen!! so glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

  47. Thank you for this post! I have struggled with my body issues for most of my life and I think I will still struggle until I get to heaven. Restaurants have gotten in on the “skinny fad” and it is very pressuring to me when I see it because I’m slapped with the fact that I need to order something from that menu if I ever expect to be wanted.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad it resonated with you. Yeah, the “skinny fad” needs to come to an end!!! Hugs and love xox

  48. Preach, sister! Louder for the people in the back!

    I got down to 104 pounds at one point. Not full-blown anorexia, but very close. I hate the word “skinny.” I hate that women are encouraged to get down to a size “0” – to literally become nothing. That’s not what God has for us! We are His strong, intelligent, beautiful daughters!

    1. thank you so much Marie. hahaha louder for the people in the back hahhaahhaha that made me crack up. But on a serious note, thank you for sharing your story. Amen – God has so much for us. A life in abundance!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      1. I don’t get to visit as often as I would like but I do enjoy your blog. No thanks needed, just stating a fact (insert smiley face here). Love and hugs back atcha

  49. No more pictures of you, please ban me from your site. Every time I visit, I fall in love. Don’t worry, it fades. Lol. But its still remarkable.

  50. I truly understand your point and I understand what our society has done to so many of us through the marketing of a product, service, idea, or perspective.
    I maybe of counterpoint to you in this response. As understanding as I am, I am a believer we cannot protect everyone from everything. I believe we can however; change ourselves not to respond to the pressures placed on us by the outside world.
    You and I have something in common which demands this, being a Christian. Jesus directly told us that we need to pick up and carry our cross everyday in order to be his disciple. He also told us the world will hate us because of him and we are to reject this world and follow Him.
    I cannot imagine either of us at the time of our meeting with Jesus to tell him about how the marketing of society did not allow us to follow his commands. That our family, friends and co-workers were rejecting us, so we gave in. In order to follow Christ and reject the world, we have to strengthen our character. Then the attacks from others mean nothing.
    My feelings are, let us strengthen the character of people so we do not give into the pressures of what the world. We learn to live our own lives do our own thing – through Christ.
    God Bless and love you!
    Leland

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. That is such a great point – change ourselves not to respond. Such great insight. Thanks Leland. Hugs and love xox

      1. Thanks for your grace. Always open to a discussion to learn a new and different perspective. I know my response might be considered insensitive, if it was I’m sorry. Changing me

  51. So love your honesty, and couldn’t agree more.

    The thing is, it doesn’t just affect our young girls. My nine year old boy is obsessed with being thin and worries about being fat… The culture is very sick, and I worry about how it’s harming all of our kids.

    1. Thank you so much Britt, you’re so right – the culture is *very* sick. Hugs and love xox

  52. Great post! It is true that the glitter “culture” on TV and in magazines and such has encouraged the (yuck!) “skinny” trend/movement. Healthy is the real key here, as you point out. I have seen some push back in social media and even magazines which promote “plus-sized models.” I don’t agree with that idea either, as some pictures I have seen are clearly promoting unhealthy obesity. People is general tend in this manner to move to one extreme or the other. IMO it is stupid to judge beauty on physical appearance alone. God knows this much better than we do as He tells Samuel when choosing David to be anointed as the king in 1Sa_16:7- But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” I recommend a great song from awhile ago by the group Geoff Moore and the Distance. It is called “If You Could See What I See,” and is about the true meaning of beauty. Bless you and keep on trucking for Jesus.

    1. thank you so much DT, for sharing your thoughts on this. I love that : The Lord looks at the heart. amen to that! Hugs and love xox

  53. So right now a trending hashtag on Twitter is #niallstansareskinny (an artist I love) and apparently it’s like a positive slang term for fans of someone but I sent out some frustrated tweets talking about the negative connotations and it made me think of you. Such a harmful word! ☹️

    This is a really well-written post though! Completely agree. ❤️

    ~Annah

  54. You make a very significant point. The way we use language is extremely important. The power of language cannot be overestimated.
    Words can be very damaging.
    Perhaps it might be worth drawing the attention of the Cheesecake Factory to this issue. As a survivor of an eating disorder, your words have power.
    You have made me think.

  55. This is a truly empowering statement which you have made here…
    I am writing from India and I can stand witness to this fact that “body” shaming is beyond cultures. It is really a dominant practice everywhere.
    However, I think that it can only stop if the women dissuade from participating in it at their individual levels. Every time a teenage girl looks up to a “skinny” model or a group of women comments on another regarding the latter’s “pregnancy weight” I am assured this “s-word” is here to stay as long as it’s very ‘haters’ continue to use it in their close circles.
    You have raised a very strong voice here!
    Thanks for the great read!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this perspective. I appreciate your support. Hugs and love xox

    1. thanks David. Yeah, it can definitely slip under the radar for sure. Hugs and love xox

  56. Great post. I get so sick of ‘low fat,’ ‘diet’ and ‘skinny’ foods being marketed at me. I spent years having an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food and am finally at the point where I am happy with what I eat and how I look, but it had nothing to do with this bullshit. Since when did ‘skinny’ equal ‘healthy’? The two ideas are completely unrelated, and it’s so destructive to have it pervading every element of your life. Ugh.

    1. Thank you for sharing your story, Sarah. I’m so glad you’re at that good place! so true. hugs xo

    1. Oh awesome! Thanks so much for passing this along, Gail! I really appreciate it! Hope your week is off to a great start 🙂 big hugs xox

    1. thanks – i just posted last night! and another one tomorrow 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  57. Ya gotta think that if the marketing guru who came up with this had said it out loud, it might never have seen the light of day let alone the menu. Companies do strange things in the name of the almighty dollar and they think it is cute. Like you say, better to have truth in advertising. Great tastes with lower calories for instance. Let the customers decide.

    1. Right!?!?!? It’s so crazy. Thank you for taking the time to read and offering your thoughts! Hugs and love xox

  58. If fat isn’t good, then why is skinny good (both being extremes)? How about just healthy?

  59. Hey..are you okay? Havent seen any post recently but i do see youve commented a month ago. Hope all is well.

    And by the way I have never ever had to scroll through so many comments before to get to add a comment. You and your good work are loved and admired indeed.

    1. Oh gosh you’re kind to say that. Yep! Thanks for checking in 🙂 I post every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday! You can get them delivered straight to your inbox if you subscribe 🙂 haha Hugs and love xox

      1. Taps Beauty Beyond Bones lightly on the shoulder and says: “Mam, you’ve seem to have forgotten one itty bitty tiny but very important word – ‘Hugs & Kisses and love xox’ .” BBB politely smiles as she leans over as one would who is getting ready to whisper a word into someones ear to whom they want to save from the public embarrassment of being rejected..but at that precise moment HE STEALS HIS 💋 right on the lips. He turns away without saying a word, for his kiss already spoke a thousand words to her heart, that she will never forget. The END.

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