Crying At Yoga

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

So one of my absolute best friends is a yoga teacher. And one of the perks – in addition to being the “Teacher’s Pet” – is that I get to take her classes in the city and cheer her on!

It’s so fun. I always love watching someone shine in their element. It’s a little glimpse of Heaven, if you ask me.

And one of the things she does, is that she has you set an intention to think about during the class — A little something to think about during the deep breathing and focus. And so I always use that time to meditate on Jesus, and pray.

And well, for whatever reason, this week, I decided that during the class, I would pray for my future husband, whomever he may be.

You see, I don’t know what it is, but in the last three weeks or so, I have just been absolutely overcome with emotion and feelings about my future spouse. I just feel this overwhelming tidal wave of “Now is the time!” 

For the first time, I think ever, I feel like my life is in a really good rhythm. Mind, body, and spirit. And honestly, it doesn’t surprise me that this feeling of wholeness coincides with the beginning of my new podcast, Oh What a Beautiful Morning! And this really is not meant to be a plug. It just is incredible how starting the day – even for just literally 5 minutes – and reading and reflecting on the Bible (which is what we do on the pod) — how it has completely changed my life for the better.

My life feels completely at peace. Except for one gaping hole that has been tearing at my heart with extra fervor here recently, and that is the place in my life for my future husband.

But anyways, back to yoga. It was your normal class – run expertly by my bestie, if I might add 🙂 And at the very end, where we close our eyes and are quiet for 5-7 minutes and just breathe, I began to cry.

Yes, friends. I was that girl – weeping in the middle of a packed yoga class. Talk about embarrassing! Mascara running. Flushed cheeks. I was the definition of a literal hot, sweaty mess.

But I was just overcome with just this desire to let someone into my life. I am ready. I am ready to let someone in.

And afterwards, talking with my friend, a little embarrassed that, here I was her guest, and I…well…brought the waterworks…she gave me some of the most beautiful words of encouragement.

This blog has truly been a journey. It’s hard to believe that it’s been going for over three years now. And what a ride it’s been.

But truly, the absolute hardest, most difficult aspect of my recovery has been to let someone in. To open up my heart and my life to another person.

Feeling undeserving of love, ashamed to let anyone too close, I have stiff-armed my way into a situation that frankly, I am dreadfully tired of.

I am tired of being alone. 

There. I said it.

My life is full of love from so many different places: my friends, my family, this very blog family. And I have so much love in my life.

But I want to share my life with someone. And I think I am finally, finally ready to open my heart to that possibility.

I think we get to the point in life, where we reach our limit, where we get too tired, of being sick and tired. Or in my case, tired of the walls – or fortress – I’ve built around my heart.

And I know I’ve talked about dating apps in the past. And how the swiping phenomena has killed romance. (Which I still stand by.)

But this time, I’m going to be going about this differently.

I’m giving it to God.

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The transformation I’ve had this past month, that has come about from giving my free time to God, and truly committing to making Him a priority every single day, has given me the perspective to see love differently.

I’ve placing my love life in God’s hands. I’m going to follow where He leads. Be open to whomever He puts in my path. And stop working myself up into a verklempt mess that cries at a yoga class.

I’m going to trust Him.

I’m going to listen to Him.

I’m going to welcome His promptings, and seek His guidance, even if it’s not always what I would typically do.

“Keep working on yourself, Caralyn. You deserve love.” My friend is able to speak to my soul in ways that only a friend of twenty-something years can.

I feel a bit as though I’m in a freefall. Like I’m out of control in the best way possible. But I think it’s because I’m on the cusp of an entirely new chapter in my life.

 

One last thing: I was on the phone with my mom, talking with her about this very topic, earlier this week. And you know, that woman is always the anchor to my ship, caught in a storm. We were talking about my spirit’s weariness of singleness, and for the first time I admitted out loud, “It’s because I don’t let people in.”

And she just softly said, “I know.”

That’s the thing. So often we’re the last to the party. Everyone else can see it, but in order for us to come to understand, we have to go through the process. Do the work – just like my best friend encouraged me with.

And it turns out that doing the work, meant actually humbling seeking Jesus, and giving Him that which we are desperately holding onto.

So anyways, that’s where I’m at for now.

I’m open. I’m ready. And I welcome Jesus’ plan to come to fruition in my life!

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270 thoughts on “Crying At Yoga”

  1. Girl, I totally understand! God is a God of preparation and patience. I’ll be putting out a blog post about how Jesus is not holding out on us this weekend– it may encourage you as you wait! I pray that Jesus makes you more like Him, and that both you and your future husband are prepared to meet, soon! ❤

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  2. It’s been 11 years since my divorce, and I tried the app thing, and got responses, but I just couldn’t bring myself to connect. They say that part of the problem when you’re single so long is that the next person has to convince you of why you need them. I, like you, have decided to leave it on the altar, and I have to be prepared that if He says the rest of my mission on this earth is to be done solo, that I’m okay with that. Blessings and continued success to you. The Spirit has stored your tears, and the workings of Heaven have already begun on your behalf. Thank you for continuing to share your story with us.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story. That’s some powerful insight. I’m so glad you’re leaving it on the altar too! I know that God has a good plan for you. I will definitely keep you in my prayers.

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  3. But I like being alone. I’m excellent company. 🤓

    I do understand that want for someone you haven’t met yet. I cannot fix that for myself, finding love, so I just stopped listening to it.

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  5. Awe, I hope for the best for you! 🙂 God has perfect timing. Something I’ve learned is sometimes we want to fight Gods timing instead of just accept it. Love yoga too- don’t feel bad for crying in class, it happens to us all sooner or later. Love your blogs. Forever a fan. God bless you! ❤️

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  6. Praying that God brings the right person into your life. After my first husband died leaving me with two little girls I needed time for my heart to heal. But after awhile I too felt that loneliness. Even though I had two wonderful daughters, I had had a good marriage and I knew what it meant. I prayed for God and waited for His direction knowing I needed to be very careful remarrying with two little girls. In time, God brought me the perfect husband and perfect father for my girls. The Bible says He is no respecter of persons. If He did it for me, He can and will do it for you. I’m praying and looking forward to hearing all about how and when it happens for you.

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    1. Thank you so much Barbara for you prayers. And thank you for sharing your story. Gosh I’m so sorry you had to walk through that, but I’m so glad to hear that God as brought things full circle for you. What a beautiful family. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

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  7. Hi Caralyn:
    I believe Jesus has been preparing you, and drawing you closer to Himself than you have ever been, or thought possible.
    Holy Spirit has been working in you, and through you in ways where you have had opportunities to minister by way of writing, as well as living your life in front of many, showing and telling people that Loving, Honouring, Serving our Saviour and Lord Jesus Christ, to the Glory of God our Father, is the number one priority in your life.

    In turn, I believe God is going to honour you, due to your faithfulness. His desire is for you to continue to seek Him, continue to know Him better daily, and grow closer to Him.
    At the same time, I believe Holy Spirit is preparing a gentleman to be drawn into your life, and this gentleman is now seeking a deeper relationship with Jesus also, growing closer to Jesus through prayer and God’s Word, while he is seeking you through Holy Spirit leading.

    Below are a few verses of Scripture I felt led to give you at this time, suggesting reading, praying them, and believing them, as I will be for you also.

    Matthew 6:33
    33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

    1 Thessalonians 5:16-17
    16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually,

    Proverbs 4:23
    23 Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.

    Jeremiah 29:11-13
    11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

    Jeremiah 33:3
    3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

    Psalm 50:14-15
    14 “Sacrifice thank offerings to God,
    fulfill your vows to the Most High,
    15 and call on me in the day of trouble;
    I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”

    Proverbs 3:5-6
    5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
    6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

    God Bless You Abundantly Caralyn,
    Luv,
    😀❤️🌹😘

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    1. Hi George, thank you so much for your beautiful words of affirmation and encouragement. I am humbled by such generous words! This blog has been so instrumental in helping me truly heal from everything. God is so gracious and for that i am forever grateful. Ah, I love those verses. Especially Jer 29! So glad you stopped by! You’re a blessing to me! Hugs and love xox

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  8. I cried at my first yoga class. I was in a resting pose and my teacher said, ‘Now take a deep breath and say to yourself, “I surrender.” And totally surrender to life, to its rhythms, to the universe.’ It was like a damn breaking and everything that was wrong in my life could finally find acknowledgement. It’s moment I’ve never forgotten.

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    1. Oh wow that sounds like it was a really powerful experience! I’m so glad you had that!! Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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  9. I love the sincerity expressed in this write-up.

    Whenever God’s intention is set to manifest, He is known to stir up hearts. (…that the word of the LORD by the mouth of Jeremiah might be fulfilled, the LORD stirred up the spirit of Cyrus king of Persia, THAT HE MADE A PROCLAMATION…) Ezra 1:1.

    The stirring up of your heart, followed by your proclamation can only mean fulfilment is knocking!

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    1. Aw thank you so much! Gosh what an exciting thought! Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  10. God bless you for such an honest post. I’m sure we all have felt similar feelings. Opening up to let someone in is always dangerous – we become vunerable. (Look what it cost Jesus!) Yet to live without love is to merely exist. You already open your heart to so many, family, friends even fellow bloggers romantic love is merely the next step which I’m sure will open to you when that kindred spirit appears. You are wise to put the matter of romantic love in Jesus hands for only He knows the innermost hearts

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    1. Thank you so much Claire 🙂 yeah it makes you feel super vulnerable and exposed for sure! I know – it cost Him everything. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  11. Oh my gosh, I always get so excited when I see you have a new post! Loved reading this!! I’ve only “known” you a short while, but, I feel like we go way back, like you and your yoga bestie! Funny how a blog can do that. You let US all in but yet struggle to let “people” in your real life. You got this, Caralyn! Trust God! He will bring you your man! I have kept a prayer journal (on and off) throughout my life. The one that holds my prayer from October 1, 2002 is kept treasured in my night stand. I was at my place of surrender too. I even cried out to God to introduce me to my future husband that month! Low and behold I met Mr. Wonderful October 22nd. We were married 5 months later! Just celebrated our 15th anniversary on May 10th! Proverbs 16:9 says, “We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps“ Praying for you to be open and allow God to write your love story…and honestly, I CAN’T wait to read it!! ❤

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    1. Oh my gosh you’re so sweet to say that, thank you Nita!! Haha awesome! I know I love how the blog community does that!! Thank you for this beautiful encouragement. It seriously means the world. I’m so glad you know the power of a prayer journal too! And wow! 15 years, that’s so amazing! Congrats! You two have a beautiful love story. Thank you, friend!! Have a beautiful weekend! Big big hugs! Xox

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  12. Caralyn, I’ve watched you walk through this struggle, and have felt very close to your heart at times. If you don’t mind, I’d like to summarize your story as I understand it.

    You grew up on stage, joyfully sharing yourself with the world.
    Something happened, and you decided to remove yourself from the world.
    You found Jesus standing like a shining star between you and self-destruction.
    You rested in his strength, gathering courage and self-belief.
    You tried (at first anonymously!) to reveal his presence inside you to the world, but feared that it would be corrupted and your story might fold back on itself.
    You are confident now that nothing will ever come between you and his love.
    You are ready to transmit that love to others without reservation, secure in the knowledge that he will always be with you.
    As all things true and beautiful gravitate to his presence, you will find there your heart’s desire.

    Yes, it is time. God bless you.

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    1. Gosh Brian, I am so touched that you would know my story. Thank you friend. Yes it IS time! I am grateful to have a friend like you! Hugs and love xox

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  13. Okay… no idea how I was NOT following you already!!! I just wanted to say thank you for continuing to come by my blog, even though I am not the most reliable of posters. It really makes my day when I see that you have liked one of my posts. Again, not sure how I wasn’t following you already, because I completely thought I was, but I have rectified the situation. Thanks for being so supportive ❤ have an AMAZING Saturday! Hope all is well with you, I think I have said it before, but you are such an amazing human being. I am super happy that I found your blog. Not so much for the words (though they're also fantastic!), but for your indomitable spirit. You are awesome.
    PS- If you haven't seen the post about it yet, I started a YouTube channel… my first videos are a work in progress… but I like to think they're improving. It seems like something you would be interested in, but if not, that's okay, too! (I won't put a link in your comments, but the name of my channel is The Joyful Bohemian, if you were interested in checking it out!)

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    1. Oh my gosh you are too kind. Thank you love! I’m so glad our paths crossed too!! Can’t wait to check out your YouTube! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thank you Sandy, that is an exciting thought for sure! I appreciate your encouragement and friendship! Hugs and love xox

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  15. You have chosen the best anchor of all, our Lord and Savior. He will guide you. One of the hardest things to learn after a deep wound is that when you try again, you may get hurt again, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try again. Modern life has just ruined dating. People are so wrapped up in themselves and what they want or need. Relationships function best when each person thinks of the other more than him or herself. At 59, I am still hopeful, but ronmance is not something I concentrate on. Incidentally, you might like my blog: http://www.chilkootpass.com. I write about Christian faith and conservative politics.
    Blessings to you. Keep up the great work!

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  16. I too have experienced everything you so eloquently described. Trusting God can seem hard, but thw rewards actually are heavenly. I’m so honored to have followed your journey. CHW for what comes next ❤

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  17. I experienced such a similar heart’s cry on the journey of learning to trust to God entirely to fulfill it. Despite being given a hard time by a handful of friends who thought it was naive to think I didn’t have to go out there and make it happen, I kept surrendering and trusting. God was faithful! I have spent the past 6 years married to an amazing man who was the answer to my heart’s cry. I know He will do the same for you 😘

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  18. I see your situation differently. Like you I used to yearn to meet the love of my life. I am now at a place, after twenty years in a toxic relationshop, where I am so relieved to be once again alone. Cherish this time in your life. Perhaps try to see it as a gift.
    I wish I had appreciated my many years of being young, free and single more, instead of continually worrying, I would never meet the man of my dreams. Carolyn I have been right where you are. I know this sounds corny but I honestly believe this time in your life is a gift. Freedom is precious. When the time is right, I feel sure God will bring the right person into your life.
    I know whenever I have decided in the past to just go out and enjoy my life, rather than make seeking a partner my focus, was when things tended to happen. Forgive me please if you know all this but watch out for the relationship red flags. Loneliness is hard but I believe finding yourself stuck in a toxic situation is much worse.

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    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. You’re so right – this time really is a gift – and I am grateful for that. Thank you for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

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  20. Saw this today after reading your post and I thought of you: “She focused on God. He did the same. God gave them each other.” ❤

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  22. I absolutely LOVE this post. I have struggled with eating disorders in my past and fought God so hard on so much but the minute I calmed down and let myself fall, it was terrifying, but I saw just how much He had blessed me. I feel hypocritical because I go back to fighting him so often but I’m trying to stop that part of myself and just embrace his plan.

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    1. Aw thank you friend. Amen – He HAS blessed us incredibly and His plan is perfect 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  23. I guess you just shouldn’t rush things and everything will come together, into one piece. I wish you all good 🙂

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  24. So, your parents, and maybe even your anchor (mom) has probably been praying for your future husband a long time, and your Father, has said: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” Ask Our Father for the husband He has for you.

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    1. Thank you – yes. I do trust that God is answer our prayers. I just need to trust and have patience! Hugs and love xox

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  25. Sometimes the way we imagine things is not quite the way God plans them. For instance, St. Francis heard the voice “repair my church” and took it literally, making repairs to a local building. But God meant so much more.

    Anyhow… that’s just a jaded perspective from an old guy who thought he had met the one he was to marry in his late teens/early twenties…

    I hope you find your Mr. Right! 🙂

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  27. Hey love! This was a beautiful post. I know first hand how hard it can be to open up. I struggled in this area when I met my (now husband.) I was brought to Him… we actually met in service. So I know that at the right time God will bring you to someone or him to you. And when that happens it will be such a blessing. That man will love you for you and accept everything about you. I know he will love you unconditionally and be an example of the Father’s love for you, as well. It was like that for me, so I pray that it will be the same for you.

    It’s such a blessing when we wait on God to bring us who we need. ❤ Praying for you, love! Be blessed.

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    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement and prayer. Amen – God will bring him into my life I trust that! Hugs and love xox

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  28. I am working on this very thing. I am trusting in the Lord to deal with a serious problem that I just feel is too big. For the first time I heard HIS voice. In my devotional Bible, it said that all pain may be shaping you into what He wants you to be and there is a battle in the heavens for your prayer answer. Girl, lemme tell you without my pain and suffering I would not have become who I am. You might not be who God wants you to be yet. You might think you’re blooming but it’s too soon. 😉

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    1. Thanks friend for this powerful perspective. I think there’s a lot of truth in that. Hugs and love xox

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  29. I did yoga in the hospital where I spent 7 months recovering from anorexia … and the first time I tried the Child’s Pose, I sobbed like, well, a child! It had been a very stressful first week for me, and I was afraid of how my body was going to change as I gained weight and got my health back up, so when I curled up in that vulnerable position, it was like a dam broke loose.

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    1. Aw thank you for sharing your story MT. yeah, I can definitely understand that feeling. Sending so much love xox

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  30. “I am tired of being alone…But I want to share my life with someone. And I think I am finally, finally ready to open my heart to that possibility.” Again, these are your words, not mine. Let me take you back to a time long before you were born. In 1982-83, I was a young man in the Single Adult group of my church. There was much talk about the “next step” in becoming an adult after finishing school and getting a career was obviously to get married. It was almost as if for those of us approaching 25 our warranty was about to expire. For those of us who were still in school, (and at this church it better be a good Bible College), it was time to get moving!
    Well, not wanting to disappoint, I got to looking. Long story short, I married someone who would make a good friend but not a good life partner. In fact, the marriage lasted only two years. I won’t go into the sorted details of who was to blame for what but the point is, even setting apart anything for which she could be blamed, the fact that I rushed into something just to avoid being alone was enough.
    You are a daughter of the King of kings and He has a plan for you that is unfolding and being played out in your life every day. You write about it and share it with countless people all the time, not to mention the lives you touch when you interact with people daily. You are a beautiful person inside and out and when God sees fit to bring your husband to you, it will be the right one. In the meantime, keep in mind that I already told you that you would make an adorable nun a few months ago.

    Love and Blessings,
    Jim

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing that. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out, Jim. You’re so right – God has a plan for every one of us 🙂 and we can place our trust in the fact that it is good ! hah and yes i definitely remember! 🙂 sending big hugs xo

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      1. For what it’s worth, she and I both ended up finding the right person later and while she ended up going to be with the Lord a few years ago, I have now been married to my angel for 16 years.
        Your destiny is in the Father’s hands.
        Love and Blessings,
        Jim

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    1. Aw thank you for this wonderful encouragement 🙂 it really means a lot. I believe that too! Hugs and love xox

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  35. I’ve noticed that you like to bring two sides to every blog post. Like, for instance “The B Word.” I thought it was about a totally different topic. You bring someone in looking for fodder, to then preach this Jesus of yours. Always a hook to bring in your Jesus. Somehow this post was all about you. Again, until the end, and again, about your Jesus. You were the hook for your Jesus. I’ve just noticed that. You carried your single thread further in this post than in any other that I’ve read. I don’t know if you know what I’m saying…

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  36. Hey girl, you got this! Being lonely is hard but God’s better is always better! I prayed for my children’s and now grand children’s spouses since they were babies. All of my boys have perfect matches for them. It’s not always smooth sailing but they are all blessings to our family and I know God has the most special spouse out there for my precious baby girl. Keep praying and doing the things you love to do – Our God – is good at big plans. He’s may be working 19 miles upstream where you can’t see but together – you got this!

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  37. Beautifully put. I understand the difficulty in letting someone in, and am glad you’ve found enough healing in Jesus to finally begin to try. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with Brene Brown but she’s got a very good book about that called the gifts of imperfection. If you haven’t read it, or any of her books you should check them out. Daring greatly is also good.

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  39. As usual, I love it. Sounds like you’re ready and you’re certainly not the only one to follow this path. My wife and i watched this video (link below) last night, maybe you’ll find it encouraging.

    It’s Jen McMillian (from one of those big churches!) talking about her experience of being unmarried and childless with no obvious prospect of either changing… and giving it to God.

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    1. Thank you Stephen 🙂 I can’t wait to watch the video!!!! thanks for passing it along!!! Hugs and love xox

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  40. Caralyn, thank you for embracing vulnerability and sharing your beautiful heart with us! I’m always uplifted when I read of your posts and your love of Jesus. I’ve been where you’re at and even though the right guy hasn’t walked in yet what I did find was more beauty and joy in the world. Hard to imagine, right?! We have to acknowledge a tremendous amount of beauty to get to the place where we are open to love – and as long as we keep our hearts that open and that aware of the beauty God sends for us, our joy will increase forevermore! At some point the right guy will become a part of that joy, (and what a lucky guy he will be!) but until then just continue loving life and loving the journey as we love you!

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  42. This is awesome. I believe that I’ve been in the beginning stages of getting ready for a spouse and I am definitely ready to close some of these gaps while in my singleness. Thanks for sharing your journey. It definitely helps to see someone else’s thought process when it comes to the same struggles I deal with. And I’m definitely a person who would cry at yoga! No shame! LOL

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  44. I am honestly in the same season of life right now, I am tired of being alone, I am ready to share my life with someone. But something the Lord has been teaching me is that HE is in the Waiting! So I am trusting Him and waiting on Him for His perfect timing!

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  45. This post made me cry when you first posted it several days ago. You and I are in the same boat!!

    I don’t know why you think you don’t let people in, though!! You blog!! That’s letting people in!! And you wrote your Bloom book!!

    We need some men.

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    1. Awww thank you Meg. So glad it resonated with you. Haha yeah I guess that’s true. I guess I mean in the flesh, person to person if that makes sense. Haha Hugs and love xox

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  48. What a beautiful post darling. Rhis IS a big step & Jesus has the most wonderful man just waiting to meet you. Believe it. ❤❤❤
    Blessings,
    Debra
    stylewisebydebra.net

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  49. Hi there!

    As a newer reader I just wanted to say I love your blog! I love your story and passion.

    Wishing you all the best life has to offer,
    -C

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  50. Wow! Just amazing! So to my heart and truth! I too am weary of loneliness and I too believe that the swiping phenomena has completely destroyed any hope for romance in the modern era! I preach this all the time. I’m also a headstrong woman with my own plans for my business and have found myself very comfortable in my journey to self. I love what I do and would love to find the perfect person to share this experience with. I’m not sure if he exists or if I will ever find him. And frankly, at 41, I’m beginning to believe that I’m just meant to wander this world alone for some reason. I’ve experienced this similar experience. While at church one Sunday we had the opportunity to create an intention for ourselves and meditate on that intention for a quiet moment. I began praying for a partner. I was begging God to show me who this person would be and make him so strong that I couldn’t push him away (because that’s apparently what I do). In this moment, I began to sob uncontrollably! I don’t even mean pretty, movie star tears! I began to gush out a rushing flood of emotions complete with snot and slobber. A woman down the row from me politely handed me a tissue and after getting a good look at my face, went back to fetch me the entire box. That was several years ago. I’ve met plenty of eligible men since then but none with “sticking power”. Doing my best to keep the hope alive. 😏 I appreciate so much your willingness to share this experience. It’s good to know there are others out there who feel this way! ❤️

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your story. Gosh what a powerful prayer experience. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. God has someone for you! And he will be worth the wait!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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