Uncomfortable Love

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This post has been difficult to write.

I’ve burned the midnight oil, only to find myself coming up with pocket lint, paperclips and pennies.

I had a really good cry tonight.

I don’t talk about it much, because I like to focus on the positives in my life, but I’ve found here recently that I’ve been carrying around a lot of sadness. And I’m not going to get too into it, but let’s just say that life can present challenging journeys, and I’ve been harboring some deep sadness as of late that I can feel weighing on my soul.

Love takes so many forms throughout life.

I’m waiting for that romantic love to come into my life, but in the meantime, I’ve definitely been blessed with beautiful love from family and friends.

But I’ve recently come to find that sometimes, love stretches you.

Sometimes love is uncomfortable. It can hurt, or leave you feeling expended physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

But the thing is: I do feel God is drawing me close to Him in this challenging season of my life. I can feel Him using this time of desolation and sadness to pull me into His embrace, so that He can fill my weary spirit with His love and grace.

Our greatest calling in life is to love. It doesn’t matter what your job is, where you live, what your background – God calls us to love with the love that Christ modeled for us.

I just finished the truly life changing book, Love As a Way of Life by Gary Chapman, and it turns out that his seven key attributes of a loving person – many are Fruits of the Holy Spirit.

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His key attributes are:
Kindness, Patience, Forgiveness, Courtesy, Humility, Generosity, and Honesty

The Fruit of the Spirit are:
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control

They’re practically the same list.

But during this season, I’ve seen God working on each of those attributes in my heart. Stretching me. Growing me – often in ways that are uncomfortable. Especially when it comes to patience.

I was watching the sunset over the lake tonight, and God used that quiet time to remind me that just like the sun setting, we will go through darker periods in life. Things will seem bleak, without light or hope, but that He has promised us that every morning, the sun will rise, and the darkness will come to an end.

Things may never go back to the way they were. I am slowly coming to terms with that, and trying – unsuccessfully – to make peace with that in my heart. And it’s been really hard. Really hard. Hard not to become angry or bitter or disengaged. Especially as i spend time at home. But I’ve been really struggling with that as of late.

But one of the things that is so clear, and so beautiful that I get to see every morning while I’m up here in Wisconsin at the lake, is that every sunrise is different.

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Every morning, the darkness is broken through by a single ray, only to grow into the most beautiful display of light and beauty. And each one different than the one before – but each one just as magnificent.

I’m never going to get yesterday’s sunrise. I know that. It’s hard for me to accept, but it is reality. Right now I’m in the darkness before the dawn, and I need to look for that single ray of light. Because sure, this new sunrise is different, but it has a beauty all its own. And I need to recognize that. And appreciate what I do have, right here and now.

And in the meantime, cling to Jesus for comfort. Cling to Jesus for strength and to call on Him to grow in my heart the kindness, patience, humility, forgiveness etc. that I need to best love those in my life. Because love is hard. And I’m learning that over, and over, and over.

But it is worth it.

Tonight, I’ve dried my tears. It was good to finally let out my grief and share with someone the burden I’ve been silently carrying. I’ve acknowledged it, but now it is time to move forward. Greet the dawn and appreciate its unique beauty, although different from before.

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213 thoughts on “Uncomfortable Love”

  1. “It is after suffering ends that we realize why things have been so difficult and why it seems they are delayed. A new perspective emerges from this vantage point that has no alternative route.” This is a sentence from the reading, Embracing Adversity in my book, Lion in My Garden to be published this summer. I found comfort and solace in The Passion Translation of Psalm 23:3 “He opens before me pathways to God’s pleasure, leading me along in His footsteps of righteousness, so that I can bring honor to His name. Even when His path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will not conquer me, for You already have!
    Forever close to me, You will lead me through it all the way.” Psalm 23:3-4 The Passion Translation

    Good post, Caralyn. No alternative route to becoming more Christ-like but the one you are on. Hope you find comfort knowing many walk alongside you!

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    1. Wow what a powerful verse! Thank you so much for your support and kindness Katheryne. It really means a lot. Sending so much love and hugs! Xox

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  2. Thank you for your honesty. It is beautiful, raw, and what people need to hear- that Jesus, the liver of our soul, really does meet us in the lonely places.❤️ I love your sunset analogy – the Lord would speak to me about many similar things looking over the frozen farm fields in Illinois😊

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  3. I love posts like this, although I wish I could wrap you up in a big hug! A good cry is sometimes all we need. Accepting change, and growth, is so hard. I hate being uncomfortable, but it’s one of the only ways we are able to change. I think of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. That chrysalis has to be cramped and uncomfortable, but it’s where the metamorphosis occurs. Once it’s ready, the butterfly emerges into the beautiful sunshine, to greet the world.

    Someone, I think it was my director at work, gave me a business card-sized piece of encouragement, which I have taped to my work laptop, underneath my keyboard. It has a bright yellow and green background, with sunflowers and a steaming cup of coffee, and it reads:

    Hello. This is God. I will be handling all of your problems and concerns today. That’s my job.

    Your job is to give them to me, and then to trust me.

    Have a great day!

    Do not be anxious about anything, but to everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

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    1. Aw thank you so much Laura Beth 🙂 you’re so sweet. Yes – that transformation of a butterfly has been so powerful in my life. thank you for the beautiful encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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    2. Hi Caralyn and Laura Beth, I just love what both of you have written. Such encouragement. Thank you. Carolyn, we have sunrises here every morning over the ocean and the treetops and like you say each one is so different. I am reminded by your post of verse that says His mercies are new every morning. As I look back over different dark seasons of my life, I can recognise that the mercies that came after the darkness were all very different. God can do the same thing twice, but he usually doesn’t. He is a unique God and we are made in his image as unique. The same sunrise does not even look the same from a different view point. He has beautiful and unique mercies for you every morning Caralyn. Some will be life changing and others will just be like His hand lifting your chin, saying, ‘Look at me my child, I love you.”
      Laura Beth, I think you must have big hugs to give, and I agree a good cry does wonders. I also love the butterfly analogy. I use it a lot. I call them patience cocoons. I wrote about them here http://godhelpmei.com/2018/06/12/what-mind-has-conceived
      I also love a) what your boss gave you and b) the fact that he gave it to you. What an encourager, you are so blessed to have such a thoughtful boss. Sounds like he or she is blessed to have you too.
      Bless you both today,
      Love Lauren

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      1. Aw thank you so much Lauren! Amen to that – His mercies are new every morning. I love that thought. And I agree! Laura Beth is a great friend and encourager. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      2. Lauren,

        Thank you so much for your kind words! I needed to read this today – I needed the reminder that my boss, a woman, is a great encourager. She’s under a lot of tremendous stress right now, and she will be back in the office on Tuesday after a week off that wasn’t exactly a vacation. I pray that I can be the encourager for her. Anyway, I will be thinking of your words next week! Thank you for writing these beautiful words.

        All the best,
        Laura Beth

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      3. And I will pray for you both! Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there am I with them. Lets do it together.
        Father we honour you, we bless you name, Jesus we thank you and Holy Spirit we lean in to you. Thank you God, bless this beautiful woman Laura with courage and compassion, broaden her shoulders for the task ahead, make her organised and creative in her work so that she has time and the presence of mind to love her boss. Give her the mind of Christ towards her boss, this week and in the times to come.
        God, bless this wonderful, encouraging boss who shares the encouragement of Jesus, and lifts the burdens off her employees with your love, and your word and your promises. Lord you promise to be with us always, you promise new mercies every morning. We pray that the sunrise for Laura’s boss will be spectacular, glorious in light and colour. Speak life and light into her Spirit. Fix her eyes on you and may the power of the Holy Spirit do it’s healing work and may the comforter himself encourage her. Lift her up Jesus. We love you. We thank you, in Jesus name.

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  5. Caralyn, reading this post makes my heart hurt so heavy for you. I know exactly how you feel hun. I honestly do. It rings truer to me than any of your blogs. Jeremiah 29:11 was a tremendous help for me when I was dealing with a similar situation. Your Perfect Prince is coming. I promise you, although it is extremely hard, if you wait on God, and his perfect timing, you will NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED! God Bless you and keep you my beautiful beautiful sister. Hugs and Love XOXO

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    1. Thank you so much friend. I’m glad this resonated with you. I will definitely look that verse up! Thank you for sharing it with me! And the crazy thing is that this post wasn’t even about my love life! Haha I guess I wasn’t very clear about that. It’s about a different relationship in my life, but I have received so much great romantic advice – and for that I am so grateful! Thanks again for stopping by! Hope you have a beautiful weekend! Hugs and love xox

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      1. I know it wasn’t about your lovelife. It was about love and patience and growing character. I apologize if it came across that way. I just know that for me, Patience and building character was something that echoes during the times I was wondering if I was ever going to be able to find someone to be happy with again. That’s all. That is how I related it to me.

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      2. Oh no! No worries at all! I just thought it was funny that I’ve gotten a lot of comments about my love life! Hahaha all good! All good! 🙂 no need to apologize💛💛💛💛💛I’m so glad it resonated with you in that way. Patience is such a difficult yet important virtue to grow. It literally can seen in every aspect of life: relationships, personal growth, career, the morning commute haha – even internet service sometimes! But when we can look at it as a time when God is working on our hearts and giving us grace through the waiting it kinda makes it worth it:) hope you have a great afternoon! Hugs and love xox

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  6. I’m so sorry you have been through a difficult time. It’s really good that you have been able to get away, perhaps having some time away and off the grid gave these feelings a chance to surface. It really touched me what you said about your family and their beautiful love. I’ve been through a bad time lately and I just don’t know how I would have come through without the love of family. When all is said and done and the dust settles from the earthquakes that shake our lives, we look around to see them still standing there, still loving us, upholding us and willing us to survive. What a blessing family is. Thank you for sharing.x

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    1. Thank you friend. Yeah I think you’re right – this time up here away from it all is so healing on a lot of levels. So true – it is such a blessing. Hugs and love xox

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  7. I read this at 2:00 am. Had to wait to comment. You have the answers to all your questions and working through them is key. You have found your Love and are very loved. Make it work as you have always done. Great work.
    John

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  10. thank you for your courage to share your hurt. I’ll keep you in prayer. That was absolutely beautifully said about the darkness, the sunrise, and clinging to Jesus. You’re doing great ministry and you’re inspiring all of us! God bless you!

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  11. I’m a big believer that we grow best when we are uncomfortable. Love definitely teaches us how to bear the growing pains. 🙏

    I appreciate your words. I nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award as a way to say thanks for your positivity! Keep it up!

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  13. Focus on your dreams and the things God have called you to do. The Bible says Hope is anchor for the Soul. Meaning it will keep you save in the most difficult times. Specially in those darkest moments. Sometimes we as single people focus so much on what we don’t have we forget all the other wonderful blessings that God have for us.
    There is mans called Derek Prince his ministry have an app (free) on it there is several messages and one of those is God is a matchmaker he also have a book with the same title. Which I believe will minister to you.

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    1. That is such great advice. Thank you so much Johannes. I’ll definitely have to check that out! Hugs and love xox

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  14. ❤️ He is the greatest comforter we can ever ask for and what’s more, is that even though our fears, tears and doubts, He still opens His arms and extends His love.
    Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty x

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  15. You know, you really are so inspiring. Even if you may have to endure sorrow and sadness, you’re helping a lot of people. You’re helping by being transparent. You’re helping by your sincerity and kindness. You’re helping by sharing your experiences, the good and the bad. I don’t know everything, but maybe you were given this time so you can help people in a way that maybe you wouldn’t have been able to any other way. It can suck, especially the loneliness and having to be patient, but you’re doing so much good! Seriously, thank you for what you do.

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    1. Thank you so much Juliet, gosh what a kind thing to say. I am truly touched by your generous words. Big hugs to you xox

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  16. Thank you for your transparency. Thankful because Abba always shows us that we are not alone in this incredible journey of faith. I have been recently going through something very similar to what you are explaining. What a process to know how God connects us through one Spirit and studying the same things without even knowing it. I have been also trying my best to walk in his Fruits. Like you say its a process that hurts sometimes and challenges you in way you never thought possible.
    This year I decided to overcome my fears and start my blog. I am glad you liked one of my post, because it made me visit your site and it has been son uplifting for me. God bless you and keep guiding your “pen.”

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    1. Thank you so much friend. Amen – we are never along. What a beautiful thought. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  17. Love isn’t easy in our broken world. But it sets us apart as followers of Jesus.
    I’ve been chewing on Lamentations 3 (I know…right?) Can’t get it off my mind.
    In my moments of sadness, grief, and despair or anxiety, I cling to those words like my life depends on it.

    “Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
    the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it
    and is bowed down within me.But this I call to mind,and therefore I have hope:
    The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
    they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
    “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“therefore I will hope in him.”

    May your hope ever be in Christ. His mercies, much like those sunsets, are new every.single.day. I pray that he’ll continue to show you His love.

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    1. That is so true. Thank you so much Matt for your kind encouraging words. amen to that! thanks for your prayers. Hugs and love xox

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  18. ‘I’m waiting for that romantic love to come into my life, but in the meantime, I’ve definitely been blessed with beautiful love from family and friends.’

    Also don’t forget…

    ‘The greatest love story of all time is contained in a tiny white host.’ — Archbishop Fulton Sheen

    We’re part of that story.

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  19. I can empathize with you! It is very challenging to be in “God’s waiting room” and to have our hopes attacked by the enemy over and over again.

    Sometimes, there are no immediate solutions, but a good cry (I had mine on Wednesday) with someone we trust can in of itself be cathartic, and help place us back on the path of hope and trust in time.

    Remember, even Jesus wept! So you (and the rest of us!) are in good company. 💛✝️

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  20. Your writing is beautiful and sincere. Your words remind us, the readers, know that we are not alone when sadness comes. Please allow yourself to release those tears when you need to.

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    1. oh gosh thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. it really means a lot. Hugs and love xox

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  21. I think of Kahlil Gibran’s words–one of my favorite quotes: “For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
    Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
    So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.” You put it beautifully also. Thank you!

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    1. Oh wow what a powerful and moving quote. thank you for sharing that with me 🙂 sending big hugs to you, Kay! xox

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  22. Your eyes in the opening photograph confirm your sadness. Yet, along with the grief is the promise of comfort. I have been sheltered with my Bride in the romantic love that you desire for fifty-three years today. I wish that I had a formula to find it, yet I could only offer a litany of ways to preserve that which was found.

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  23. I love your posts. I found out about your blog at a time when I really needed you and I’m grateful to God for that. And you’re right, love is worth it!

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    1. Aw, Scarlett, thank you so much! 🙂 I’m so glad that our paths crossed when they did! big big hugs to you xox

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  24. Never be tenuous about growing with God. I have always liked Aslan (“The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,” by C. S. Lewis) was portrayed as Lion able to perform ‘Spiritual Surgery’; cutting in such a way as to cause pain that was beneficial. -Jeff

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  26. Remember that God separated Elijah for 3 years (only to spend time with a widow and her son, but none other) while He prepared him for a great moment. Your great moment will come, you’ll meet the love of your life, and the timing will be perfect. Too many people are not taking the time you are to let God prepare them and they simply are not ready for marriage. God’s planning is perfect and timing impeccable! Blessings, Yvy

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  28. Ive so felt this way and currently feel this way. I trust God has someone for us both that’s going to be above anything we could even perceive or ask for. May we continue to have patience within these seasons that God is working in. Blessings to you

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  30. Thank you for sharing. I am raising 5 girls alone at this point in my life. As scary as that sounds, I have come to realize that God was telling me I needed to depend on Him. That I can do this without the abusive husband around. And that one day, if I’m patient, God will send me the man He has chosen for me.

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    1. Oh gosh, my heart goes out to you, friend. I am so sorry that you had to endure an abusive relationship. You did not deserve that. You deserve to be treated as the absolute precious gift that you are. Your daughters are lucky to have such a strong and resilient woman in their lives 💛 praying for your friend. Hugs and love xox

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  32. Love your style of writing and love your message. Yes, you seem like a lovely spirit and the powers that govern our lives will reward your patience with something or someone even greater than you have dreamed of.

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    1. aw thank you friend. I appreciate your kind words. I do trust that! so glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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