The Surprise Party that Changed Everything

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I want to start out tonight with a huge thank you for all of your wonderful messages on my birthday. I mean, dang – y’all sure do know how to make a gal feel special 🙂 Truly – your words were a bright spot in my day, so thank you for that!

I’ve gotta say, I don’t think my feet have touched the ground since my birthday on Monday.

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I just have to share with you. But first, I need to set the scene. Give you all a little back story.

One of the lesser known truths about anorexia, and one’s recovery from it, is that not only does it take an incredibly difficult toll on your body that has lasting effects — i.e., infertility, digestion issues, bone strength, etc. – but one of the most devastating impacts of the disease, is on your relationships.

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I’m not going to lie, I spent a lot of really isolated years in high school and post high school when I was shackled to my eating disorder. I didn’t return a text or a phone call for probably 2 years.

I went from being the social-est of butterflies – dating the captain of the football team, and loving on every person in my path – to completely closing myself off to even my closest of friends – ashamed to let people see how entrenched in the anorexia I was, and frankly not wanting to let anyone help me.

And as a result, my relationships suffered. A lot. My friends would reach out and reach out – calling, texting, writing, showing up at my house. But there comes a point that, rejection after rejection – people give up. And the phone stops ringing.

And praise God that my “true blues” stuck with me, and I am grateful to that every day.  But I’d be lying if I said that a large majority of my relationships from high school never recovered. Many did – and I hold those beautiful, special people dear to my heart in gratitude. But many didn’t. And that is a sad truth that the only person I have to blame is myself.

But so as a result of knowing that severe isolation and loneliness, one of the most important themes of my recovery has been friendship.

Because, the truth is, I’m dang good friend material. And all I want to do is love other people, and let them know how much they are worth.

But there’s a catch: as well as I can do that for other people…I can’t let people do that for me. It’s still a lingering ramification of the lie that led to my eating disorder: that I was a burden to people and unworthy of love.

So as a result, I never want to celebrate — or even acknowledge — my birthday. My goal coming into every birthday is, how can I make the day come and go without making a big fuss? 

But it’s something that I’m working on overcoming.

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So okay — fast forward to the present. That was a very long way of setting the scene to honestly, one of the best days of my entire life, last Monday, on my birthday.

My friends threw me a surprise party. 

And please picture me, right now, with this huge, bashful, toothy grin on my face, because that’s exactly how I’m feeling. I haven’t stopped smiling since Monday. Feeling, just so loved, and so joyful, and so grateful for these incredible people that God has put into my life.

I thought I was just going out to dinner with my best friend. My other best friend had a “work shoot” upstate and was “unable” to make it. (Little did I know, she helped plan the whole thing.)

I mean – I was so surprised. I was so clueless and in the dark, I didn’t even wear a bra!

I honestly, had no idea, I’m just thankful I remembered to put on deodorant…you know what I’m saying?

Well, we walked into the restaurant, and all of my friends were around this big table, and they had crowns and confetti, and specialty cocktails all waiting for me, with a big, “SURPRISE!”

I mean, I’m like getting choked up right now reliving it.

The joy I felt in my heart had me literally soaring. Truly, I had never felt that feeling before.

And it made me realize that it is good to let yourself be loved.

I have spent all my life since my anorexia refusing love, for the belief that I didn’t deserve it. That I was unworthy of receiving the love that people wanted to give.

And Monday night, I had no other option than to accept it — and you know what? It was glorious.

It honestly was a glimpse of Heaven in that cute little West Village bistro that night. That is how God wants us to live: in love. And I finally allowed myself to receive that blessing, and I’m telling you – my life, I don’t think, will ever be the same.

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I finally feel like I can close the chapter of resisting love. Because, I am worthy of love. And joy. And laughter. And life in abundance. That is what God longs to give me – and you. That’s why He died on that Cross — out of love.

My heart is overwhelmed in gratitude for those incredible people in my life. And for those two best friends that threw the party. — Those “true blues” that have been by my side in best friendship for more than 20 years. They are such a gift to me, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for the beautiful, lifelong friendship He has blessed me with, in them.

If this is what allowing love from friends feels like, I can only image the cloud I will be floating on when that love from Mr. Right comes into my life.

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This is going to be a great year. I can just feel it.

So thanks for graciously listening to me gush about something that has been truly long overdue in my life: letting love in.

Consider me a new woman!

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See ya tomorrow morning on the Podcast!

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A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

Be sure to check out my affiliate, Audible. Listening to audiobooks while I cook is literally my new favorite thing. And just for you, they’re offering a Free 30-Day Trial Membership. And with this free membership, you’re going to get 2 free audiobooks! Literally. Free. It is the best deal ever. And if for some reason, you decide it’s not for you, you can cancel within those 30 days and it’s zero money out of your pocket, plus, you get to keep the 2 audiobooks. Soooo…it’s pretty much a no brainer. Plus, it’s a free and easy way to support this blog! So thank you!! 

Lastly…Did you see my FabFitFun summer unboxing video!? Well…it’s time for the SUMMER BOX!! It is valued at over $367 and includes my favorite makeup brand, Tarte! It’s a quarterly box of beauty, fashion, home and fitness products for only 39.99? YES. PLEASE. You can get $10 off when you use my code HEATWAVE at check out too 🙂

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

181 thoughts on “The Surprise Party that Changed Everything”

  4. Happy belated birthday! I’m glad you had a good set of friends to set up a birthday for you. I know how you feel… my disorder has been the only “relationship” that has really stuck around compared to all the friends I have made in the past. Even as of right now, I don’t have any friends from high school. Unfortunately they didn’t last and the one good friend I had out of all of them didn’t work either. It sucks. I still think about her every now and then, especially when another Marvel film comes out. She enjoyed watching and reading comic books at much as I did. Even though it says in the Bible that there are things in life that will last for a season and things that last for a lifetime, but it still sucks when a relationship ends. But as you found out for yourself, maybe it isn’t such a bad thing after all.

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    1. Thank you so much Ezi! Yes I feel incredibly grateful 🙂 I agree – endings are always difficult. Hugs and love xox

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    1. Awww thank you so much! I’m so glad it hit home with you! I may copy your post it idea! Haha Hugs and love xox

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    2. Oh my gosh thank you so much! I’m so glad it resonated with you! I may have to copy your post it idea! Hugs and love xox

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  9. Happy belated birthday Caralyn!!!! This post really resonated with me, as I struggle with feeling like a burden due to chronic illness. But it’s so true that if Jesus saw us as worthy enough to die for us, then we can receive and give love too!

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  10. Caralyn, your post made me smile. What beautiful gifts for your special day! I’m so happy with you. God bless you in your new journeys this coming year. 💕

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  11. HALLELUJAH!!! That is great news Caralyn, that you realized you are worthy of love, and you allowed yourself to receive love. The first step in a totally new Caralyn, which means all the excellent, charming, loving, caring, compassionate characteristics of you and your personality will grow even more (which I did not think possible, as I have grown to know you and love you from this great distance, and thru electronics).

    The Fruit of the Spirit, as recorded in Scripture, will even magnify your God given talents and gifts even more.

    Galatians 5:22-23
    22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

    There is an excellent recording on YouTube by Jason Crabb, titled “Worthy”, how God looks at us, seeing us as worthy, and worth to die for.
    Good for all to listen to, especially any who may suffer with insecurities of God’s Love.

    I know you are experiencing and accepting the Love of God, Caralyn, but is still a fantastic message in music.
    And now, as you accept the love given you, that you are so worthy of also, as you pour out so much love to others.

    God Bless you, my Friend, Caralyn.
    Luv ya, 😀❤️🌹😘

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    1. Thank you George, for sharing in the joy with me!! I will have to look up Worthy on YouTube. Sounds pretty awesome 🙂 thanks for being such a great friend! Big hugs and big love! Xox

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  12. Hello, babes! I am sorry I missed your birthday. But it’s better late than never. Happy belated birthday to you, my friend. You are extraordinarily special. I often wondered how do you juggle between dealing with your struggle and making other people happy. And the best reason I can come up with is this; You are a chosen one.
    Best regards.

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  13. Belated happy birthday!
    Great to hear your joy over the surprise party and the love of your friends.
    To God be the glory for your recovery and growing confidence. 👑

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  16. Caralyn, I am so glad you were able to have that revelation that you deserve to be loved. You ARE worthy of love. That is exactly why I always talk about your beautiful soul. You do so much and touch so many people through this blog and your podcast. You get so occupied with showing others love, that you forget you need that too. You are such a tremendous blessing and although we have never ACTUALLY met, I feel like I have found a lifelong friend in you. You deserve every bit of love you can handle, and I got a whole lot of it coming at you from Texas as always! Hugs and Love you beautiful person you! God Bless XOXO

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    1. Aw thank you so much Paul 🙂 what kind words. Gosh I am seriously so touched. Texas forever haha Hugs and love xox

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  18. Happy Belated Birthday! What a suitably happy post, living in the moment and filled with gratitude – such a joy to read. So now: you have a new year before you, and I wish you more of such happiness (that means: put aside those nagging thoughts of what you don’t -yet- have, and live your life Now with your beautiful family and friends : ) Hugs, and thank you for the vicarious travel; I’m so glad your trip with your mom went well. You are both remarkable women, and I feel fortunate (blessed!) to be able to follow your adventures (the good, the bad, and the unfolding) here.

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    1. Thank you so much!! Gosh that’s so kind of you to say. I definitely look up to my mama so much! Hugs and love xox

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  22. Ive been away a long time , but I see you are still kicking ass and taking names (although, gosh, you are quite the marketing machine now!) You should add “Brave” in front of your blog title. So happy for you.

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    1. Awww thank you! That’s so kind of you to say. Haha I like that — BBBB! Hahha so glad to “see” ya! Hugs and love xox

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  27. I heard something last night that fits your writing in some of your posts: Make your mess your message! You speak so openly and honestly its very encouraging. thank you for the likes at DailyBiblePrayer. They encourage me. I need to find a way for comments to be on there. I thought they used to be…Appreciate you! God bless your day. laura

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  28. Awww that was so sweet of them my friends/sisters in Christ did the same for me! I felt so much love and I almost cried! Lol it was such a blessing! Much love and blessings you way! You’re such a beautiful soul! ❤ xxoo
    P.S I'm gonna binge read on your blog due to my time away from it haha! So indulge in my notifications! 😛 lolol

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