I want to start out tonight with a huge thank you for all of your wonderful messages on my birthday. I mean, dang – y’all sure do know how to make a gal feel special 🙂 Truly – your words were a bright spot in my day, so thank you for that!
I’ve gotta say, I don’t think my feet have touched the ground since my birthday on Monday.
I just have to share with you. But first, I need to set the scene. Give you all a little back story.
One of the lesser known truths about anorexia, and one’s recovery from it, is that not only does it take an incredibly difficult toll on your body that has lasting effects — i.e., infertility, digestion issues, bone strength, etc. – but one of the most devastating impacts of the disease, is on your relationships.
I’m not going to lie, I spent a lot of really isolated years in high school and post high school when I was shackled to my eating disorder. I didn’t return a text or a phone call for probably 2 years.
I went from being the social-est of butterflies – dating the captain of the football team, and loving on every person in my path – to completely closing myself off to even my closest of friends – ashamed to let people see how entrenched in the anorexia I was, and frankly not wanting to let anyone help me.
And as a result, my relationships suffered. A lot. My friends would reach out and reach out – calling, texting, writing, showing up at my house. But there comes a point that, rejection after rejection – people give up. And the phone stops ringing.
And praise God that my “true blues” stuck with me, and I am grateful to that every day. But I’d be lying if I said that a large majority of my relationships from high school never recovered. Many did – and I hold those beautiful, special people dear to my heart in gratitude. But many didn’t. And that is a sad truth that the only person I have to blame is myself.
But so as a result of knowing that severe isolation and loneliness, one of the most important themes of my recovery has been friendship.
Because, the truth is, I’m dang good friend material. And all I want to do is love other people, and let them know how much they are worth.
But there’s a catch: as well as I can do that for other people…I can’t let people do that for me. It’s still a lingering ramification of the lie that led to my eating disorder: that I was a burden to people and unworthy of love.
So as a result, I never want to celebrate — or even acknowledge — my birthday. My goal coming into every birthday is, how can I make the day come and go without making a big fuss?
But it’s something that I’m working on overcoming.
So okay — fast forward to the present. That was a very long way of setting the scene to honestly, one of the best days of my entire life, last Monday, on my birthday.
My friends threw me a surprise party.
And please picture me, right now, with this huge, bashful, toothy grin on my face, because that’s exactly how I’m feeling. I haven’t stopped smiling since Monday. Feeling, just so loved, and so joyful, and so grateful for these incredible people that God has put into my life.
I thought I was just going out to dinner with my best friend. My other best friend had a “work shoot” upstate and was “unable” to make it. (Little did I know, she helped plan the whole thing.)
I mean – I was so surprised. I was so clueless and in the dark, I didn’t even wear a bra!
I honestly, had no idea, I’m just thankful I remembered to put on deodorant…you know what I’m saying?
Well, we walked into the restaurant, and all of my friends were around this big table, and they had crowns and confetti, and specialty cocktails all waiting for me, with a big, “SURPRISE!”
I mean, I’m like getting choked up right now reliving it.
The joy I felt in my heart had me literally soaring. Truly, I had never felt that feeling before.
And it made me realize that it is good to let yourself be loved.
I have spent all my life since my anorexia refusing love, for the belief that I didn’t deserve it. That I was unworthy of receiving the love that people wanted to give.
And Monday night, I had no other option than to accept it — and you know what? It was glorious.
It honestly was a glimpse of Heaven in that cute little West Village bistro that night. That is how God wants us to live: in love. And I finally allowed myself to receive that blessing, and I’m telling you – my life, I don’t think, will ever be the same.
I finally feel like I can close the chapter of resisting love. Because, I am worthy of love. And joy. And laughter. And life in abundance. That is what God longs to give me – and you. That’s why He died on that Cross — out of love.
My heart is overwhelmed in gratitude for those incredible people in my life. And for those two best friends that threw the party. — Those “true blues” that have been by my side in best friendship for more than 20 years. They are such a gift to me, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for the beautiful, lifelong friendship He has blessed me with, in them.
If this is what allowing love from friends feels like, I can only image the cloud I will be floating on when that love from Mr. Right comes into my life.
This is going to be a great year. I can just feel it.
So thanks for graciously listening to me gush about something that has been truly long overdue in my life: letting love in.
Consider me a new woman!
See ya tomorrow morning on the Podcast!
A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia. Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.
Be sure to check out my affiliate, Audible. Listening to audiobooks while I cook is literally my new favorite thing. And just for you, they’re offering a Free 30-Day Trial Membership. And with this free membership, you’re going to get 2 free audiobooks! Literally. Free. It is the best deal ever. And if for some reason, you decide it’s not for you, you can cancel within those 30 days and it’s zero money out of your pocket, plus, you get to keep the 2 audiobooks. Soooo…it’s pretty much a no brainer. Plus, it’s a free and easy way to support this blog! So thank you!!
Lastly…Did you see my FabFitFun summer unboxing video!? Well…it’s time for the SUMMER BOX!! It is valued at over $367 and includes my favorite makeup brand, Tarte! It’s a quarterly box of beauty, fashion, home and fitness products for only 39.99? YES. PLEASE. You can get $10 off when you use my code HEATWAVE at check out too 🙂
***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“***
@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram
Next time you’re shopping on Amazon, be sure to stop by my link, amazon.com/shop/beautybeyondbones first! Doing so is absolutely FREE for you, and a great way to support this blog! (When you stop by my link first, whatever you get on Amazon will give this blog a little kickback :))
For Podcast versions of my posts, please check out Patreon! It’s only $2 a month!! You make this blog possible 🙂
***NEW!! For outfit details, you can check out my LIKE.TO.KNOW.IT page or follow me in the Liketoknow.it App!