The Uncertainty of “Now What”

Quarantine Day 35. NYC

I want to first just thank you for your incredible outpouring of love and support on Monday’s post about the price of isolation. My heart was so moved by your compassion, so thank you very much for that 🙂

I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’re all rather emotionally vulnerable right now. Our fuse is shorter, our reactions heightened, and basically we’re all just in our feelings.

Understandably so. I mean, we’re all surviving these monumentally taxing circumstances the best we know how.

I had one of those episodes yesterday, actually. I was cooking breakfast, FaceTiming my mom, and I was all of a sudden just overcome with this wave of intense gratitude that I was not having to endure this season of quarantine while battling anorexia. I don’t know what triggered it, but I was just sobbing, thanking God that I am not in that hell anymore.

I just imagined what it would have been like, as my 18 year old self: defiant, destructive, and dangerously entrenched in my eating disorder — and be trapped in quarantine with my parents. Or even worse — to be in an apartment alone in New York City. I don’t know how I would have survived, truly.

It just hit me, how grateful I am that God delivered me from that darkness, and I am no longer enslaved to that disease.

And it made me think about all of my readers who are going through exactly that: navigating quarantine while battling addiction. Because at the end of the day — that’s exactly what an eating disorder is: it’s an addiction — addiction to control, to that feeling of emptiness, to negative self-talk, to food, to starvation, to self-destruction, to feelings of worthlessness.

And it’s just like any other form of addiction: it thrives in secrecy, it runs rampant in isolation, and feeds off of itself – causing the spiral to accelerate the more one “gives in” to its enticement.

It pains me to imagine the daily battles that are so front-and-center in a lockdown situation like this, where’s there’s no escape. No taking a breather. It’s your reality. 24/7.

And my heart just shattered thinking about those individuals, and their families, who are having to manage that layer of toxic and devastating complexity on top of the already trying circumstances in which we find ourselves.

I’ll be honest, this season of isolated quarantine here in New York has brought up a lot of memories from my season at inpatient treatment for my anorexia.

I had to stay at a residential inpatient facility for three months across the country in Arizona, when I was 18 years old. I had to miss my graduation. The summer of my senior year. I was completely alone.

The days were filled with paralyzing fear, and trepidation about the future, as I had to leave behind the habits and destructive “normalcy” I had clung to in my disease. And to do so, I was stripped of all control. What I ate, when I ate, when I slept, what I could read, which rooms I could spend time in. They even flushed the toilet for me.

It was three months of handing my life over to the doctors and nurses who ultimately, helped save it.

But sitting here today, thinking about that time, it’s striking just how similar some of those same feelings of anxiety about the future, are ringing true today.

The light at the end of the quarantine tunnel is beginning to appear, at least we think. It seems that we’re on the other side of the height of this pandemic – praise God. And now begins the strategic process of figuring out how to move forward. How to reopen our economy, and return to a familiar normalcy — in whatever new form that takes. Decisions that bring up trepidation and uncertainty for sure.

And on an individual level, we’re feeling it too. Will I have a job to come back to? How will I pay bills next month? Are my relationships going to be the same? How will I adjust to the new normal?

Those were the exact same feelings I was having at inpatient. Going from 78 pounds to a healthy weight range, the body obviously changes. And I had so much fear about that. And about how it would be adjusting to my new life in recovery, once I’m back home. What would that new normal be? But more than anything, what would life be like without my eating disorder?

This morning, I was flipping through my journal that I kept at inpatient — the one that I based my book, Bloom off of — and I came upon the very final entry before I left to return home, and face all of those fears and anxieties.

And it resonated so profoundly with where our country is, I thought I would share it, verbatim, with you. And let these words — from a young girl on the brink of a new life, having just endured the greatest adversity she’d ever have to face — let those words speak for themself.

So… Without further ado:

“Life is full of many unexpected twists and turns that we are unable to predict or control. Most situations are out of our hands, but it is comforting to know that the Creator knows all and that He knows what is going to happen, and that He will take us in His hands and carry us through life if we ask Him to. I want Jesus to carry me right now, because that is what I need. I am scared. More scared than I have ever been. But I am going to put my faith in God and let Him lead me because He puts this all together for good. We may be in the top of a burning building, but He’s outside telling us to jump. And even though we can’t see Him through the smoke, He can see us, and will catch us and lead us to safety.

Sometimes in life, we can take a lot of things for granted. Including life itself. That’s what I did in the anorexia. I took life itself for granted, and when you do that, it is a very very scary thing. Life is so fragile, and precious. And going forward, I will forever cherish it for the immense gift that it is. Thank you, Jesus, for this second chance.”

May we not fear the coming changes we will face in the new normal, but look upon them with hope, as we carry with us the lessons and perspectives we’ve gained in our quarantine.

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

177 thoughts on “The Uncertainty of “Now What”

    1. Thank you so much Greg! Oh my gosh I am humbled by such generous words. God is good! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you John, I appreciate that my friend. you too! stay well! Hugs and love xox

  1. Beautiful! I’ve been clinging to John 14:27 and 16:33 today. Looking at the future DOES feel like jumping from a burning building! I read a neat poem today, reminding me to just take the next step. From an old English parsonage down by the sea
    There came in the twilight a message to me;
    Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
    Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
    And on through the doors the quiet words ring
    Like a low inspiration: “DO THE NEXT THING.”

    Many a questioning, many a fear,
    Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
    Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
    Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
    Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
    Trust them with Jesus, do the next thing

    Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
    Do it reliantly, casting all care;
    Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
    Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
    Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
    Leave all results, do the next thing.

    Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
    Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
    In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
    The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
    Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
    Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.

    1. Thank you so much Valerie 🙂 and oh wow what a beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing that. So many powerful truths there!!! Stay well my friend. Hang in there! Hugs and love xox

  2. Caralyn, many times we are on the brink of something new and do not recognize it at first. You had wisdom as a young 18 year old girl, learning to trust our Creator.

    I believe that we are in a season of being reset. We have never been this way previously. Our way does not work and we have to trust God to lead us into good new paths.

    Hugs and love! XOXO

    1. Hi friend! you’re so right about that – we’re on the brink of something new, and I think there’s a great potential for something wonderful there! amen to that – good new paths! stay well! Hugs and love xox

  3. Speaking of sharing songs, this one came to mind. It is called Because He lives. The chorus goes;

    Because he lives, I can face tomorrow
    Because he lives, all fear is gone
    Because I know he holds the future
    And life is worth the living
    Just because he lives

    1. Oh wow what powerful lyrics! and so true! this was just what I needed to hear tonight, thanks for sharing! Hugs and love xox

  4. There is so much uncertainty ahead of all of us. Some relationships got stronger, while others fell apart. I personally have used this time to do some deep talking with myself and realizing how I want to live. Change is hard, but it is supposed to be. We all will be better, just one step at a time.

    1. Hi friend – you’re so right about that – it was kind of a catalyst for change, either one way or the other. Thanks for sharing your heat on this. one step at a time! Hugs and love xox

  5. I am grateful for those moments when depths of our salvation overwhelm us. “May we not fear the coming changes we will face in the new normal, but look upon them with hope, as we carry with us the lessons and perspectives we’ve gained in our quarantine.” Yes, may we record in word and deed the things we have learned from our time of isolation.

    1. Hi Karisa! thank you so much for sharing your heart! amen to that – i love how you put it – the depths of our salvation overwhelm us. His love is overwhelming. As is the gift He gave. stay well friend! Hugs and love xox

    1. oh yes!! what a beautiful and comforting reminder! thank you for sharing that!! stay well! Hugs and love xox

    2. Hi Caralyn, I read your blog on Monday but rather than comment here I sent you an email. Hope you got it. Being a member of the Salvation Army this blog has reminded me of a chorus I would like to share with you. It’s called I’m in his hands and it goes like this. I’m in his hands, I’m in his hands, what we the future holds, I’m in his hands, the days I cannot see have all been planned for me, his way is best you see, I’m in his hands.

      1. Hi Kenneth! oh shoot! i didn’t get your email! my inbox is a bit of a mess right now! I’m sorry, i’ll have to go digging later tonight! hah oh wow – what powerful lyrics! thank you for sharing that with me! stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

  6. I am moved to the depths of my being by what people are enduring in NYC and in every little village, town, or city around the world. It is indeed a very trying time, but I agree, faith in the Creator can and will carry us through if we are open. I think you are wide open! God bless and keep you safe.

    1. Hi Carol, thank you so much for your kindness – yeah NYC has been put through the ringer. Amen – He will carry us through! stay well my friend, i appreciate the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

      1. I have been following your blog for a while now and I do appreciate your uplifting posts and generous nature. Please know you and the entire city of NY are in my prayers and thoughts. Hugs back and lots of love along with them.

      2. oh gosh, i am so touched by that – and am incredibly grateful for your prayers! they are working! know that you’re in mine as well! xox

      3. Thank you so very much. Prayers are so very welcome and I do believe they will change the world for the better. Perhaps this is an opportunity to “Be still and know God”.

  7. You said it, “the new normal.” In that there is good news. Jesus is alive: yesterday, today and tomorrow. He never changes. Halelluiah!

    1. Hi Derek! oh gosh, thank you my friend. He and I have definitely been through a thing or two together. Very grateful for His deliverance. and gosh, i really appreciate you saying that. you have no idea how much it means. thank you. Hugs and love xox

  8. Trusting our today and tomorrow to Jesus – taking that uncertainty and walking forward with faith and not sight.
    Blessings Caralyn 😊💙

    1. oh wow that is so true! walking by faith and not by sight! love that. stay well my friend, thank you for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

    1. I think you’re absolutely right about that Kenneth – and that’s a good place to be! stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

  9. I’m glad you survived through that too!! I know the feelings you say because I battled cancer – and I don’t know how I would handle going through that with this happening – oh wow!!

    So yes – thank you god for protecting us both and seeing us through … as well as to all those who do still battle and are battling through this moment… my heart goes out to anyone battling anything in this time period! ✌️

    Glad I found your blog ❤️✌️

    1. thank you so much my friend! i’m so glad you’re doing well!! what an inspiring story! you’re a warrior!!! thanks for the encouraging words! Hugs and love xox

  10. Lots here to chew on. As you feel for those still battling anorexia during this time, so I feel for those who have lost jobs and have no idea how to make rent, buy food, and such. I went through three years of that before finally having no choice but bankruptcy and foreclosure. Everything…gone. My heart breaks for them.

    I wrote a post titled God is Then. It pointed to the future and any anxiety we might have about how it will go. Not to worry. God is then.

    Yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown; too many things with work that I couldn’t solve. No café to go to and work at a table to break the office monotony. Lots of anger and a desire to lash out at everyone. But my therapist always reminds me it isn’t the situation, but how you choose to frame it. Sometimes I want to punch her, but she’s usually right. 😊

    So things suck right now? I have a job. I’ll likely see at least 4 weeks of furlough through the year, but not all at once. Beats losing the job altogether. I always try to remember to watch what I complain about and how it will surely sound stupid to someone.

    Gratitude for what we have is the key, as you said. Maybe it isn’t as much as we had, but what’s left is plenty when you look at the whole world. That’s me for tonight. You remain in my prayers. XO

    1. Hi Jeff, thank you so much for sharing that. That must have been such a devastatingly challenging season. Really offers a perspective that I’m sure you carry with you forever. – yeah, my heart is breaking for those going through that as well. I look forward to reading your post. I’m sorry that yesterday was a tough day. Ill be saying some extra prayers for you!! hahha oh gosh. But yes – you’re right – there is a lot still to be grateful for. And you’re really blessed my by offering this perspective, so thankyou! hang in there Jeff. I keep telling myself: Just do the next right thing! hugs to you and your girls! xox

  11. Hello, BBB, tremendous to understand this. I always like to read what you’ve thought to say when you’re reflecting on The Lord. And of your experience of being in recovery.

    I was interested to see more clearly how the bigger picture fits together for you, and that was the kind of understanding that I got a little better rounded out tonight, by reading this here. I recall that this is your thirteenth year of recovery, but I didn’t completely understand that you did three months’ inpatient, if I have that right. I had that idea, yet I thought about whether it was your mother and father attempting to get you well.

    It is like The Lord gave you back enough control of the situation to start healing. I know you didn’t control your disorder in the least, but I think you are saying that Jesus showed up in your life, at a critical time, to pull you through. I know how small you were in the lowest depths of that disorder.

    Incredible to get the additional setting, as to what makes you extraordinary, as a blogger, and extraordinary to realize you are feeling appreciation. It isn’t nice when a girl has to cry, but at least your feelings were centred on something good. The tone of what you’ve written tonight is optimistic, and that’s great.

    Give a valiant effort to get through the emergency in NYC when in time the circumstance begins to turn around. That’s all for now. Thank you in turn for writing such a great blog!

    1. Hi Odell, thank you for your kind words – i’m humbled that you’ve got my history down! You’re so right – The Lord is always working, and He is especially good at empowering us to “pick up our mat and walk” so to speak. thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

  12. My heart goes out to those in NYC and other hot spots where the death rate is staggering. I feel blessed to be in north Texas where it looks like we’re going to be able to open things back up sooner than expected. We’ve had our tragic share of deaths related to this ugly virus but nothing like you’re experiencing. I’m just hoping I can go back to church and be with my brothers and sisters in Celebrate Recovery before too long. I need to be physically present in the body of Christ! I pray that things will get better for you ASAP. Hang in there, kid. God’s got this.

    1. Thanks so much Rollie, that means a lot. Yeah It’s so encouraging to see that the rest of the country is going to be able to lift off of lockdown soon!!! that’s so wonderful! i feel you there – there’s something so important about a physical community! thanks for your prayres! Hugs and love xox

  13. Beauty, it was so very generous of you to share this from your very personal journal. You are right, it is entirely applicable, and I’m struck at how much you knew at 18, that I didn’t know for many many many more years! God is doing a great work in you, never doubt it.

    God bless you and keep you!
    Peach

    1. Thank you so much Peach 🙂 I just pray it resonated with one person!! Thanks for saying that! God is good!! Stay safe and stay well my friend!! Hugs and love xox

  14. Well one thing about it, skinny, fat, hanging upside down like a bat, you are beautiful any way that you look at it! Love you more! SR

      1. for some reason my two recent comments have not posted on your blog. Just wanted to let you know. Love you more. SR

      2. The one I left just posted, but I checked on you yesterday to see how you were holding up, bc I always think about you in isolation. That never went through. Love you more

      3. Awww you’re so sweet thank you for checking in!! You’re the greatest!!! Big big hugs xox

  15. God has had his hand over you as He had a special work for you to do. Of course you had to be willing before He could act as He does not force people. You made a good choice to turn things around and He could then empower you to be victorious. Now your work is to confess Him in your excellent writings and be a comfort to those who are addicted in different ways. Your conquering those negative circumstances gives them courage to let Him do the same for them. Keep up the good work!

    1. Thanks Ian – this is so kind. Yes! He had His hand over me! I am so grateful! Stay well friend! Hugs and love xox

  16. Thank you for sharing your perspective. I’m still having a hard time with this…

    My most recent blog post (https://dontletthedaysgoby.home.blog/2020/04/12/july-18-1995-the-day-we-went-to-jeromeville-with-rick-and-miranda/) was about a time I was home from college in the summer, and I went with my family to visit the campus and show my cousins where I went to school and where I would be living the following year. I realized there were some parallels between what I felt then and what I feel now… specifically, at that time I was stuck at my parents’ house having the most boring summer ever, and I wanted to be back where my friends were so life could get back to normal. I knew that time would pass eventually. I guess the difference was that at that time, there was a certain end date… :\

    (Sorry to use your site to plug my site, but honestly, the last time I posted one of my posts on your comments, a few people followed it, and one of them became one of my more regular followers whom I’ve actually had conversations with and worked on a blog tag thing with once. Your followers are awesome.)

  17. My dear Caralyn,

    It is our ego and mind that thinks we can control our life, we can control whatever happens, but then when those moments come we have to face right now, then we are fully aware that we cannot control the course of our life – no, then we know everything is in His hands – and surely there is a reason for it why things happen as they happen which often enough we do not recognize, because: Inscrutable are the ways of God…

    I love the compassion you have with your fellow human beings in this situation – and this is what makes a heart rich – thank you, my friend.

    Do not worry what might happen, what will be the outcome of this virus – this all only brings us down into fear and uncertainty – everything that has not happened yet – remains in the realm of speculation and frightens us if we allow it to have power over us – just let us put our confidence in God as He is the Doer, as everything happens in accordance to His Will. When we surrender to Him we are also able to accept things that are not pleasant but our trust in Him is higher then any pain the world can give us… means, to live in His will.

    I embrace you with my heart
    Didi

    1. Hi Didi – thank you for this beautiful response. you’re so right – everything is in His hands. And what a safe and wonderful place to be. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement! you’re a blessing to me. sending so much love!!!

  18. I’ve been having some of the same thoughts. And when I read your journal entry, it brought me back to my heart and cancer surgeries, and all the emotions that I felt then. God got me through both the surgeries and the bumpy road that’s followed. But, I also had to surrender control to Him. Life is definitely a very.precious gift. But, thanks to Jesus, we have all the help that we

    1. Hi friend, i’m so glad this resonated with you. I’m so glad that He got you through those things! you’re right about that – surrendering control. scary but necessary. stay well! Hugs and love xox

  19. You write so beautifully, touching right into the heart. Thank you for sharing your journey. It’s an inspiration.

    1. oh gosh thank you so much Kim! what a kind thing to say! So glad this resonated with you! stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

  20. Thank you for sharing such an uplifting post! I’m glad you’re here today and I’m so lucky to have found your blog! 🥰 Stay safe!!

    1. Hi Ayesha! oh gosh you are too kind! thank you so much!!! yes! i am too — been quite a journey, i am very grateful! stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

  21. I recall an interview of Mr. T. where he said, “Cancer couldn’t stop me because it couldn’t stop me from praying. If you can’t stop me from praying, you can’t stop me.”
    As long as we have our faith, we can make it through anything.

    Caralyn, your test has now become a testimony. Keep up the amazing work.

    Oh.. finally finished the article. Here is the link.
    https://julxrp.wordpress.com/2020/04/15/coronas-syndrome/

    1. oh wow what a powerful quote! and true!! faith gets us through even the darkest of nights. thank you for this beautiful encouragement. oh awesome! i can’t wait to check it out! Hugs and love xox

  22. What a beautifully written courageous post!. Thank you for sharing your heart, your faith, your courage, and the power of transformation. Hope your day is blessed!

    1. Hi Teresa! oh thank you so much! Yes! what a transformation it has been. God is so good! stay well! Hugs and love xox

  23. Continuing with my prayer for you today, adding prayers of thanksgiving that God has brought you through the valley of the shadow of death to be such an encouragement to others!
    I must admit that reading this has brought back vivid memories of my 2 months in de-tox and then re-hab so many years ago. Sitting there, alone and many miles from home, I was face to face with my spiritual, physical and financial bankruptcy. Alcoholism had broken me. The feeling of helplessness and self-loathing all but overwhelmed me. Looking back on those days, I know now that God brought me to that very place in order to allow me to honestly see my complete need of Him.
    You sharing your story has rekindled my desire to allow others to know mine, that they too might find their Savior in the midst of pain.
    Continued blessings of strength to you!
    Pastor Chuck

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers!! Wow that is so beautiful 🙂 I’m humbled. And thank you for sharing your story – Amen to that – that is exactly the conclusion I drew from my experience as well – it bore in me a dependence on Him that I couldn’t have gotten any other way. Yes friend!!!! Your story is powerful and worth telling!!!! I’ll be praying for you, Chuck! Stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

    1. Awww, thank you so much!!! Gosh, I am so touched by your wonderfully kind words. God is good 🙂 Stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

  24. Yes! Gratitude has been coming up for me a lot lately. Have you read 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp? I’m 3 chapters in and was bawling my eyes out- that woman gets gratitude and that gratitude for God’s grace the gateway to joy. I got the same message from this post. Praise God, I don’t have to know what comes next, because He knows and I can rest in Him as he leads day by day.

    1. I love that so much, Eden! You’re so right – we can rest in Him!!!! what a great reminder 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  25. I too have been feeling immense amounts of gratitude for what I do have which is love in abundance. I suffered for a very long time, not feeling anything least of all love. That self love, trust and belief in myself. While reading your post I thought of how it would be in feel THAT way during this time and I agree with you that I can’t imagine the horror of it. My sister is an admin of a large treatment facility on the West coast and she has shared some stories with me of the newer inpatients, obviously broadly speaking (we aren’t breaking privacy laws😉) and they break my heart. It’s in moments like this where I can sit quietly and thank God and pray to keep being restored to the loving and caring creature I was intended to be. He created all of us out of love, for love, by love and with love. I’m with you on the sudden moments of deep emotions, sobbing or even laughing uncontrollably. It’s all releasing. We are social creatures and I have told you how much my own personal interactions with friends and family mean to me and do so now even more because I haven’t seen them.

    My oldest son in the past has told me in times of trouble how unlucky I am. I corrected him by telling him, no son God just trusts me a lot. I firmly believe that He never brings us through anything we can’t handle. Molding, shaping us like putty in His hands for us to learn, become wiser and of course love each other more. That’s what this time is all about for me. Learning to see the connections we all share, we are all interconnected. This time is a deeping of those original love bonds. Through the pain there is beauty too. Even if we have yo look a little more closely to see it😉
    From my ❤ to yours Caralyn….lots of love and hugs😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😊

    1. Love in abundance — wow that is so incredibly beautiful! thank you so much for this wonderful reflection. i love your perspective on God’s paths for us – There is beauty, even in pain. amen. He uses it all for good. stay well my friend. Hugs and love xox

      1. My pleasure as always. Reading your blog has become one of the highlights for me during this time. I appreciate your perspectives and so much of what you write resonates within my own soul😊

      2. Oh my gosh I am humbled by that, thank you!! Stay well friend! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thanks so much Teresa:) I really appreciate your kind words! Hope you’re hanging in there! Yay for Friday! Hugs and love xox

  26. You have beautiful visuals and quotes. Perfect for your message! The last one—I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow—reminds me of a time when I went to the front of my church for prayer at the end of the service (which is completely out of my comfort zone, but I was completely desperate). The woman who prayed for me said, “God’s hands are all over this.” I’ll never forget it. Words have power.

    Would you mind sharing what program you use?

    1. Oh thank you so much Crystal! Sure think – I use Phonto! Wow yes – words have power! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  27. Caralyn, a local theater playhouse called the Miracle theater in the City Beautiful-Coral Gables here in Miami they have this contest where you can share your pandemic experience in an 8 minute piece of writing and then having the chance to have experience expressed in the actual theater. Who knows you might be one of the winners and I get to meet you locally in one of the most beautiful cities in the USA. .. 🙏Check it out…https://www.actorsplayhouse.org/introducing-pandemic-monologues-stories-series/

    1. Oh wow!! That sound like an awesome opportunity! Thank you for passing it on!!! I will definitely check it out! 🥰🥰🥰 you’re so awesome – always encouraging me! I am so grateful!!

    1. Thanks so much Amanda! Oh wow I am so touched by that 💛💛💛 I look forward to reading your story! Way to go for sharing it!!! Rock on sister! Hugs and love xox

  28. Your posts are always so heartfelt, Caralyn. I feel for you folk in NYC, and indeed all cities. The lock-down must hit you particularly hard in an urban setting. I’m praying for you.
    Thank you for your occasional visits to my blog. They have been part of the encouragement God is graciously giving me over the last few months. If ever you wished to communicate by email, my address is pennygadd51@gmail.com

    1. Awww thank you so much Penny!! Yeah, the cities are definitely feeling it. Especially nyc. But we’ll get through it!! And thanks for that!! Stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

  29. Caralyn, please receive my thoughts as support for your well-being. You are strong and will be your own support. Stand strong and return your thought for me. 💖💖💖

    1. Aw thank you – I certainly do and will!!! And in there my friend! Sending love and prayers!! Hugs and love xox

  30. Thank you for sharing the wisdom you gained through an extremely difficult circumstance! Praise God He is there to catch us as your younger self said so eloquently!

    1. Thank you so much Ashton!! Amen to that – He is always there to catch us! What a beautiful truth! Stay well!! Hugs and love xox

    1. Aw Renee, thank you so much for this beautiful response. And you as well my friend! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much Natasha!! You’re so kind to say that! And same for you!! God bless you! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  31. Well, are you skinny, fat or hanging like a bat today??? LOL! Just thinking about you and checking in. Hope it went well. Raining here. I can handle being under wraps on sunshine days, because I can get outside with animals. But these rainy days suck! All I can do is go out on carport and look at the pasture! LOL! I just want you to know if I had all of these comments that you do, I would shoot myself! LOL! Take care and love you more. God Bless, SR

      1. Checking in. Well it stopped raining but for Texas it is colder than a well diggers butt for this time of the year! LOL! Missing Mass today really bad. Watching it on television, though I love it, still not quite the same. De-fleed my dogs today and watching the weeds grow on my fence line, so next week I know what I am going to be doing. It is called a sprayer! Hope you are okay. Love you more! God bless, SR

      2. I got it! Thank you for checking in 🙂 yeah especially on Divine Mercy Sunday it’s so challenging to be away from mass!!!

    1. Thank you so much Paul for your prayers and kind words! Oh my gosh! I am so touched! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  32. Thank you so much for sharing this ma’am. Those words from your journal really blessed me .It was just what I needed right now. Your path shines brighter in Jesus name.

  33. Thank you so much for sharing this ma’am. Those words from your Journal really blessed me.Its just what I needed at the moment.
    Your path shines brighter in Jesus name. Thanks for letting yourself be an inspiration!

  34. The moral of the story may be to live well, verses living longer. It amazes me what fear has accomplished. How many would rather be safe than truly be alive?

  35. I struggled with BDD and still feel its entrails…it’s really just like anorexia but focused on perceived flaws. So reading your blog, I found myself saying aloud…”Oh honey, YES!” So grateful for God’s Wonderful Grace that has helped me overcome such a fierce enemy to my mind, body and soul! Thanks for sharing your journey!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing you’d story. I’m so glad this resonated with you! Amen! By His grace we are healed!!! Cheering for you and your recovery, my dear friend! Hugs and love xox

  36. Decades ago, when I was in the 6th-grade, I had a fellow student that it was revealed was battling bulimia. As a class we had watched a film about a girl who developed the eating disorder, as a result, the real students friends talked to our teacher (now understanding what was going on) and the girl was sent to a clinic to get help. I moved away at the end of that year, but every once in a while I think about her, and wonder, “Is she doing alright now?”
    It takes time to overcome, and it is important to understand that He forgives us, but we face the challenge of forgiving ourselves. All to often we say we do, but we still harbor tiny seeds of self-loathing. It is difficult to not let those seeds take root and grow, we sometimes think them flowers.
    I have recently started a daily Positivity Journal. Each day I write the date and a short, few word, sentence about what I am grateful for. Today was: “04/19/20 – I am grateful it is Sunday.” That’s all, because I really do love Sundays. When we force positivity it becomes our reality. Thoughts lead to action. Action leads to behaviors. Behaviors lead to habits. Even simple things like positive thinking which can lead to a permanent positive outlook on life.
    Be well, stay safe, God bless.

    1. Hi William, thank you so much for sharing that. Yeah eating disorders are insidious and it always breaks my heart to think of the people suffering. I love that journal idea! Stay well. Hugs and love xox

  37. Recommendation if I may, leave the city asap and head home to Ohio for a while.

    Regardless of how bad covid is, the economy has just tanked. Millions of unemployed, supply chain ueconomics are breaking down.

    This period is worse than the Great Depression in regards to numbers and impact. I read there has been close to a 75% increase in burglaries, prisons are emptying out over the covid scare, and thyis is just the beginning.

    At home you’ll be with/near family or friends, possibly in an area where you and others can garden or have access to fresh water, something not available in NYC.

    So regardless of how you may feel, the signs are out there for all to see.

    Proverbs 22:3. A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.

    Don’t let the me, myself, & I keep you clinging to a sinking ship, NYC may have some wonderful attributes, but as a metro area it’ll succumb to depression level events like most places. Hunger, self preservation, violence, etc will eventually make most urban areas a horrid place to live.

    Myself, I left central Florida & came to North Central AR, fewer people, hills, woods, and fresh water. I chose here instead of being surrounded by millions of covidiots waiting for gov handouts & hurricane season around the corner.

    Just a recommendation, saying I trust in the Lord is nice, but when HE is throwing sign after sign after sign for people to see, I generally think those people saying they trust are trusting in their I, me, my or self and not the Lord.

    So food for thought, the world is changing but not for the better.

    God Bless

    1. Thank you so much for this advice! Definitely something I’m praying about. Hugs and love xox

  38. Thank you for the encouraging post, Caralyn. I pray that greater kindness, heightened gratitude, and renewed faith in God will be three of the positive outcomes of the coronavirus. He’s brought us this far; He can be trusted to bring us safely through to the end (Deuteronomy 31:6)!

  39. You’re such a beautiful person. So happy you overcame your illness and can now stay safe during this unconventional time! Keep on keeping on, my friend!

    1. oh my gosh thank you Kelly. I am so touched by that. You’re on a reading roll! But in all seriousness, i really am so grateful for that healing. I do not take it for granted for a second. Stay well! Hugs and love xox

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