Euphoric Freedom

Hello friends!! Happy Monday!

I apologize for my late post tonight, I was swept off my feet on a surprise romantic sushi dinner with my special gentleman. ๐Ÿ™‚ And if there’s one thing I’ve embraced during recovery, it’s that you say YES to life, and all the beautiful adventures it throws your way!!

Oh my gosh, I am absolutely floating right now. Seriously, I don’t think my feet have touched the ground since Saturday!

You see, this past weekend, I was in Erie, Pennsylvania speaking at the 1:38 Women’s Conference! (For those who are curious, “1:38” refers to Luke 1:38 in the Bible when Mary gives her “Fiat” or “yes” to God. “And Mary said, ‘Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.'” – Luke 1:38

So this past weekend was “go time!”

I flew into Erie — which is absolutely beautiful, by the way! — on Friday afternoon, gave my talk on Saturday morning at the conference, and then departed bright and early ((before sunrise!)) on Sunday morning.

Hopefully you got to watch the livestream! But if not, I will be sharing the link as soon as I get it!

But one of the highlights, was that I got to meet my beautiful friend, Dawn from Hugs’NBlessings! I have gotten to know Dawn for years through my little ol’ blog, and so it was such a joy to be able to spend time with her, and share meals together and truly make a new friend! ๐Ÿ™‚

((Sorry, I have no photos, because I was having too much fun!))

But I’ve got to say, my heart is absolutely exploding – and it’s hard to even put the words to what it’s exploding with. Of course, love — and the outpouring of support and love from my new friends in Erie, and of course – gratitude to the Lord for bringing me through that horrible time during my anorexia. But I think the feeling that’s hitting the deepest, that I cannot quite put my finger on, is a mixture of both freedom and also — the inner peace that comes with sharing the most vulnerable part of who I am, and having it not only be accepted, but embraced and loved. I wasn’t judged. I wasn’t thrown out on the street because of the things I had done, but they loved and embraced me, mess and all. It was a beautiful thing, and my heart is singing as a result.

During my talk, I had an experience that I was completely surprised by. I was unsuspecting, and taken aback by how overwhelmed with emotion I was during a specific section of my talk. For about, truly two minutes on stage, I was so overcome with emotion, I couldn’t get words out. I was just up there with tears streaming down my cheeks, praying to God not to “ugly cry,” and regain composure ASAP!

I had just shared the depths of everything I went through during my anorexia — the self-destruction, the lying and manipulation, the self hatred, the fear, etc. And then I came to this section of my talk, which I was unable to get through, due to getting all choked up and verklempt:

“When I was trapped in that darkness, I never dreamed that Iโ€™d be able to fully be myself ever again. The bright, fun-loving, goofy girl who was a loyal friend, always up for adventures, and loved talking in silly accentsโ€ฆI thought she was gone forever. But by the grace of God, I can fully say that I am her, just grown, and with a life perspective gained through pain I wouldnโ€™t wish on anyone. I am free. I have never been happier or more full of joy in my life. When Jesus says He wants to give us a life of abundance, I now know exactly what He means.”

I was up there, trying to get through that passage, and I was just thinking about how that hurting little girl could never dream that the life I have now is possible: that I am completely FREE of those shackles of anorexia, that I am truly in LOVE and have allowed an incredible man to get close to me and have shared my heart with him, that I have passions and ambition again, that I am able to have fun, be goofy, and truly love life.

I was just thinking about how I am so. grateful. with every. freaking. fiber. of my being to Jesus for rescuing me. But not just rescuing me, but fully restoring me. And not just restoring me, but making me truly, fully alive.

And being able to get up in front of people and share that, while truly embodying His grace through the fullness of my life – it quite literally moved me to point of speechlessness.

I don’t think I share that enough: how beautiful life is when you’re free. When you’re not enslaved to an eating disorder, and able to be fully present — and fully you — in the moment. I honest to goodness, have never been happier or full of joy than I am right now. Right this very moment.

It is truly the greatest gift I have ever received: this second chance at life, given to me by an incredibly generous Father.

And this weekend, it was the full circle moment, standing there, free from shame and guilt, letting my whole self be seen and known…and loved.

God is good. And without Him — His strength, His mercy, His forgiveness and love — none of this would be possible. Jesus is my recovery. He is my freedom. And what a true euphoria it is to be free.

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

97 thoughts on “Euphoric Freedom

    1. Thank you Rod, I really appreciate your kind words! Very grateful for the experience!! Hugs and love xox

  1. When I was a younger man, I was involved in a music ministry. I sometimes would be embarrased when the words of a song hit close to home, and I could do nothing but weep. I learned that God didn’t mind; He gave me those emotions, after all, and when they are evidence of His work in our life, it brings glory to Him.
    Never be embarrased by weeping,
    Never be ashamed of your tears;
    When tears from your eyes are seeping,
    Let Jesus take away your fears.

    1. Isnโ€™t song so powerful?! I totally feel you. Yes! God is moving in your heart during those moments and itโ€™s a beautiful thing! Thank you for sharing and for being so encouraging, Myron! Hugs and love xox

  2. It’s so great to see happiness bursting through your blog. I am feeling happy too. It’s believed forgiveness, and freedom share the same platform. Anyone can have a passport, but never free in their travels when dragging loads of baggage. When you are in the company of people who understand your inner suffering you will start forgiving yourself. The burden lightens, and you feel freer. Sometimes we need help to unpack our bags because it’s not easy to “let go” of the stuff that we are adament on carrying with us. Forgiveness is a challenge, but has its reward which is as mysterious as its reason for being. Thank you for sharing your happiness. ๐Ÿ˜€

    1. Thank you David – youโ€™re so kind! Yes! Iโ€™m bursting at the seams with joy and gratitude! Amen to that – it is a challenge for sure! Hugs and love xox

  3. So very proud of you, my beautiful friend. Love you as always. You are helping so many by not keeping the private private as so many do. Privacy keeps some level of chains on and God is able to use and grow your past private goings on now in the light. Praise God! Love you as always! Hugs! XO๐Ÿ˜ƒโค

    1. Hi Tonya! Aw thank you sweet friend for your wonderful support! I am seriously so touched. God is so good! His mercy is vast as the ocean! Love you friend!!! Hugs xox

  4. Caralyn, what a victory to share your journey with others and to be so real that the tears flow.
    You are in a much better place and the miracle of saying “yes,” to God continues. You are sure to have more venues to share your story in the future. We are in the Spring season, where what seemed dead is resurrected in vibrant life! Hugs and much love!

    1. Aw thank you friend ๐Ÿ™‚ oh gosh, did they ever flow! Haha thank you for such wonderfully kind words. Hooray for spring!! Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you so much Penny! yes! God is truly amazing, and how blessed we are! Hugs and love xox

  5. Thank you for sharing your story, what a blessing to all who hear your testmony. “Ulgy cry” = tears of joy. May the Lord continue to strengthen you as you say YES to Him. Blessing to you for the “ulgy cry” is the blessing to others to see what God did for you, He can do for others.

    Bless you for you are an inspiration to others, the Mary indeed that poured her perfume on the Lord and we are still talking about it. You are pouring your perfume each time you speak the tears you wipe His feet with, so let the “ulgy cry” out sister. xoxo

    1. thank you so much Hannah Michaela! haha – true! tears of joy indeed. I appreciate your kind words. gosh, I am so touched. truly. Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you JB! Yes! He is a good good man. I am very blessed. Have you been to Erie!? Hugs and love xox

      1. You are welcome. I have been a few times. It has a great maritime museum. There is also Presque Isle State Park with the lighthouses. I have been to the Erie Zoo, and I wrote about the zoo train. In the nearby town of North East, there is a great train museum. Please note that I was there in September and not in January or February.

      2. oh nice! Yeah I got to go to Presque Isle, it was absolutely lovely! so cool!!

    1. thank you so much Timothy! Gosh, you’re kind to say that! God bless you too, my friend! Hugs and love xox

      1. You are so welcome. I do not come by often to read your site and am working on reading up on yours as well as others. I continue to write daily devotions over at my site (moved it to blue host btw). Keep up the good work.

  6. Always a joy to see you Caralyn. Thanks for sharing what the Lord is doing in your life and through your life. Love the portrait on top! Press on dear sister, may the Lord guide your steps and your heart always.

    1. Hi Lisa Beth! Oh gosh, thank you for your wonderful words of support! Yes! God is so so good, and I’m so grateful for this second chance and the wonderful blessings! Hugs and love xox

    1. yes He most certainly is!! Thank you for stopping by! I hope your week is going wonderfully so far! Hugs and love xox

  7. FANNNNN-tastc!
    And 100% agree with the Erie props. I discovered it by accident on a trip west… the waterfront area is a delight.

    1. awww, Arthur, thank you so much for sharing in the joy with me!! oh that’s awesome! isn’t it so picturesque!?! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you Jeff – it will be available online soon, and I’ll share the link as soon as i get it. in the meantime, I’ll be praying for her ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs and love xox

  8. Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience and giving us a glimpse/reminder of the overwhelming love and care God has for His children! Looking forward to seeing your talk once you post the link!!!

    1. thank you so much Scott!! yes!! His love and mercy are deeper than the ocean. It truly is amazing grace! thanks for sharing in the joy with me! Hugs and love xox

    1. oh gosh, you’re kind to say that. thank you so much for sharing in the joy with me! Hugs and love xox

  9. Thank you for sharing โ™ฅ๏ธ love your heart, as that true peace can only be found In him. He sets us free! Yes! God bless you & your family greatly! ๐Ÿ˜˜

    1. thank you so much Selene for sharing in the joy with me! amen to that! Peace can only be found in Him! Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you friend. yes! God is rich in freedom and mercy. what a beuatiufl thought! Hugs and love xox

    1. oh my gosh, that sounds so lovely, Pam! thank you so much!!!! cheers to you as well! xoxo

  10. Congratulations on a very successful engagement! I’m glad it was a growth opportunity for you as well as for the conference! Did you get a lot of one-on-one like you did here? I know that was a huge benefit for everyone at CTK. I’m just so happy for you at having been able to do this. Hopefully, this will lead to more appearances!!

    1. thank you Jeff!! it was truly such a wonderful experience. i did! i was overwhelmed by the amount of one-on-one feedback i got — in a good way! so many people wanted to share their story, or their loved one’s story with me. I felt incredibly affirmed. What a huge blessing. thank you, my dear friend. I wouldn’t have been able to do this, if you didn’t believe in me and bring me down to Memphis to talk! I’ll let you know the link as soon as i get it!! hope your week is off to a great start! big hugs to you and your girls! oxox

      1. yes!! i can’t wait to see the footage too, and pass it on! (I’m hoping the emotional-trying desperately to regain composure-part isn’t too cringy! but hey – I guess that’s just how the Holy Spirit moved me! ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks again for sharing in the joy with me, my dear friend!

    1. thank you Ian! amen – this new life in Christ is truly priceless! Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you Brian! yes! i am so grateful for last weekend. ๐Ÿ™‚ i appreciate it! Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you Yonnie!!! yes!! i am so incredibly grateful for this past weekend! Hugs and love xox

  11. Yes! Jesus is our freedom. So many people enslaved to different things, and the good news is that God wants to restore them all. Freedom is surrender to the only One who can. May you have many more opportunities to share the good new.

    1. Thank you so much Linda! Amen to that! He is our freedom, our joy, our peace, our hope, our everythig! amen amen amen! thanks for sharing in the joy with me! Hugs and love xox

  12. Oh my goodness, I’m so glad that everything went well with the talk, and it’s really powerful how you managed to recognize that full-circle moment. Sometimes as people we forget to celebrate the freedom we have in favor of looking at what we don’t have and what we aren’t. God bless!

    1. thank you so much Vera for sharing in the joy with me!! yes, it was a beautiful full circle moment indeeed. God is soo good! Hugs and love xox

  13. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story. I should say it truly warms my heart and gives me hope in my own journey. The biblical quote from Prophet Ezra is powerful. Reading it, I’m again and again assured of God’s abiding love that restores our broken humanity. Lastly, I wish you a wonderful journey with your special gentleman. God bless you, Caralyn!

    1. Thank you so much Jerry. I do really appreciate that. Amen – His love restores and saves! Hugs and love xox

      1. You’re welcome, Caralyn. By the way, I previously made a wrong biblical reference. As you must be fully aware of, your quote is taken from the Book of Prophet Ezekiel, not Ezra as I claimed earlier. Well, I have redeemed myself from the error of providing wrong information to your readership. God bless, my friend!

  14. Beautiful!!! Ahhh Iโ€™m so happy for you, what an awesome feeling of relief and celebration and that it points to Christ is such a sweet encouragement!

    1. thank you so much Ali! ๐Ÿ™‚ you’re so right about that – it was a beautiful feeling of relief and celebration! ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for sharing in the joy with me! ๐Ÿ™‚ have a great day! Hugs and love xox

    1. yes, He really is SO good! thank you Teresa for sharing in the joy with me! Hugs and love xox

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