All Things New

“The One who sat on the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’” Rev 21:5

If there is one promise that I cling to, and one truth that has shaped the path of my life, it is this. 

I moved to NYC when I was 21 years old. I knew not a single soul, and after a tumultuous season battling an eating disorder in high school and much of college, I needed a fresh start. A clean slate. I was newly on the road of recovery, and I was searching for purpose. My life had been turned on its head, and all I wanted was to find meaning in my existence again. I wanted to rediscover the girl I used to be.

Behold I make all things new: a promise that we can cling to...no matter our past, no matter the guilt or shame we may carry. When we hand it over to Jesus, He redeems, restores, renews. #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #christianity #god #jesus #eatingdisorder #faith #family #healing

I thought that moving across the country and going to acting school would solve my existential crisis. 

That’s what we’re told, right? That starting over means you can ditch the past, redefine who you are, and craft your future to become who you want to be. 

But it turns out, you are who you are, no matter which area code you’re in. And your past follows you wherever you go.

My search for purpose proved to be deeply disappointing.

Until, I invited God to take complete control of my life. I had to submit to His will, His timing, and actually give my heart to Him. 

I had to surrender the broken, ugly, messy parts of my heart that I had made such an effort to conceal from the world, and especially from God. 

I believed that those broken parts of my heart disqualified me from love, from forgiveness, from grace. 

I carried so much guilt and shame from the eating disorder in my past, and it was a cancer on my soul — eating away at who I believed I was.

It took a patient, loving Father to gently come in, take those fragile, hurting parts of my spirit, and redeem them with His love and His blood. 

Behold, I make all things new. I clung to that promise. That was my hope. Because if He could do that with Paul, with Lazarus, with the leapers, the blind man, the paralyzed, the woman at the well, with Mary Magdalene, the prodigal son….then just maybe He could do that with me, too. 

Behold I make all things new: a promise that we can cling to...no matter our past, no matter the guilt or shame we may carry. When we hand it over to Jesus, He redeems, restores, renews. #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #christianity #god #jesus #eatingdisorder #faith #family #healing

Just maybe, He could take my life, and redeem it to be used for His glory. My deepest prayer was to be used as His instrument: for Him to take my broken past, and use it to help others also battling eating disorders. 

The old has passed away. I am free. 

He has made me new, and I can stand here, a healed, whole, young woman — who finally rediscovered the “Caralyn-I-used-to-be.” She wasn’t in New York, or at an acting studio on the east side of Manhattan. She was in the arms of our Savior.

I didn’t have to run away. I only needed to run to Jesus, who takes every broken piece of our hearts, every shame, every hurt, every anger — and washes us clean with His amazing Grace. 

Behold I make all things new: a promise that we can cling to...no matter our past, no matter the guilt or shame we may carry. When we hand it over to Jesus, He redeems, restores, renews. #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #christianity #god #jesus #eatingdisorder #faith #family #healing

Lord, to You I surrender my heart, my fears, my brokenness. I give You my all: take it, and make it new, just as You have promised. 

This week, may we find the courage to open up that hidden space in our heart — the one we’re afraid to confront — and invite Jesus in to heal and redeem it…because He will. 

***This post was originally published on WINE Ministries on 5/16/23 — published here!

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23 responses to “All Things New”

  1. There is something comforting about having a clean slate, whether that is a new school year, a new house, a new city, a new career, etc. It’s only a matter of time until we realize that what we really wanted was always with us. Everything we could ever want we already have, which is hard to imagine when we are constantly distracting ourselves looking for the next best thing.

  2. So well said. God is Love: Pure Love. All we have to do is love God, love our neighbors (including enemies), and love ourselves. Loving brings about forgiveness of others and most importantly of self. Great thought process and post; proud of you. Hugs and Love 🤗 & ❤️!

  3. Caralyn, this is a beautiful reflection. I, too, was caught by the ending of the Revelation reading at Mass on Sunday, and I, too, have been reflecting on how I tried to outrun my past–only to find it was a better runner than I was. In an old journal, I read about feeling called to serve people who were outwardly poor and remembered when I realized that God was calling me to open myself to my own (inner) poverty and let my brokenness be touched by love. In our weakness is our strength.

    • Thank you so much Madeline, I appreciate this powerful reflection. I am moved by your words — let our brokenness be touched by love. Amen to that!! So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

    • Amen to that. Thanks Ian, hope you’re having a great week! Hugs and love xox

  4. You’ve done great kid. A mission with a smile and a heart of gold. When GOD leads you, you have a vehicle made of FAITH. Keep up the good work. You never cease to amaze me.

    • Gosh Dennis, thank you for saying that. It truly means the world. Hugs and love xox

  5. Thanks so much for this! I wanted to know how you experience rest and peace after surrender. I feel like my soul is grieved with the changes that have happened in my life (jobs, friends, church) . And I have a hard time feeling the peace in these situations. What does surrender feel like? And freedom from the pain you felt?

    • Thank you my friend. That is such a great question. And to be honest — surrender feels like reckless peace. Which are two oxymorons, I know…but surrender is just this radical abandonment of the clenched fists I had, trying to control my life, and the peace that comes with it. it’s a peace, knowing that I don’t have to toil anymore — because God’s got it. God is in the driver’s seat, and I can trust that He’s going to get me where I need to go, safely. Hugs and love xox

      • So good 😍 i know its a simple question. But when you surrender and give ALL to God, how do you keep your mind from wondering and your hands from gaining the control again?

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