I need to address something that, frankly, goes against my normal MO.
I have officially blocked a certain user from my comments section. I will not be naming this creep on here, but I don’t doubt that many of you already know who I am referring to.
As you know, I am not shy about talking about “hot button” topics on this blog. I think open, respectful dialogue is important and I encourage it in the comments section. I don’t think there are enough opportunities to talk about hard things, hear from both sides, and engage in a healthy conversation, especially with people who hold different views. That is vital to an empathetic, compassionate, co-existing community.
However, there is a line.
And this person definitely crossed it: doxxing my parents, and using personal information as some sort of threat to scare me or intimidate me that they know who I am, or where I live, or as some sort “peeping Tom” B.S.
And that is a line too far.
I can take criticism over my views. I can take petty name calling. But when you threaten my family, your butt is outta here, faster than you can say “sayonara sir.”
So. That’s that. Thank you to those kind friends who stood up for me to this person, or called them out for being out of line. That did not go unnoticed, and I appreciate it.
So now onto tonight’s actual point.
How do we talk about hard things?
Living in September 2022, with all the garbage mainstream culture spews at us, how do we dialogue with people who hold different beliefs?
Because I’m going to be honest, living in NYC, the bluest of the blue cities in the country, I have had to learn and adapt in a New York minute.
And frankly, I don’t actively seek out conversations about politics or religion. And in fact, I steer clear.
But if I do find myself in a conversation, this is what I have learned:
- First and foremost, listen to understand.
So many times, when “debating” someone, for lack of a better term, I would never really listen, but rather spend the time that they’re speaking, thinking about what I was going to say next…which is incredibly counter-productive and is a one-way ticket to talking in circles at each other, instead of with each other. So listening to understand is key.
- Find common ground.
It’s easy to point out differences, and therefore deepen the divide between you. But if you try and find connection points, that is something you can build off of, and eventually settle on.
- Don’t try to change their mind.
Which, I know, is not what you want to hear. Especially in a debate, you want to win, or have a “see, I told you/I was right” kind of a moment. But in that, there really is no winner — it’s a lose/lose: people get their feelings hurt, they harbor animosity going forward, and frankly just feel bullied. Agreeing to disagree is the best outcome, always. Remaining respectful and calm. And the final point to this, is that you never know what will happen. Pride is a hard beast to compete with, and who knows: perhaps a little nugget of wisdom you shared will take root in that person’s heart and lead to a shift in perspective down the road. You just simply never know.
- Remember that the person is not the viewpoint.
This last one is so important. Just because a person holds a belief that you disagree with, does not make them “an enemy.” It doesn’t make them a bad person. You can love them, have them in your life, share joys, hang out, etc…despite them believing something different. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak and write them off completely. Just maybe have a “don’t talk politics/religion/insert-subject-here” policy.
So there we go. Those are probably common sense, but I thought it tied in nicely with my recent blocking move.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
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48 responses to “Re: The Creep in my Comments Section”
Such wisdom and insight. Young lady you are correct; respect, dignity, honesty, compassion and such are important to keep civility among us. Hugs and Love 🤗&❤️!
thank you HJ, I really appreciate your support and friendship over the years. I count you as one of my life’s blessings! 🙂 Hugs and love xox
As you are to me and all of us who’s lives you touch. God bless you.
that is so kind, thank you again x
That’s really terrible, Caralyn. 😭👎🏻
thanks John, yeah that crossed the line, and I had to say, enough is enough! i hope you’re having a great week so far. sending big hugs xox
All is well here in the hot desert, thanks, Caralyn! ❤️
Thank you for doing what you do.
thank you JB, I really appreciate you! Hugs and love xox
You are very graciously welcome, and he will truly reap what he sows.
Yes, block such trolls of this aggressive culture. Life is too short. Grateful that you stand up for what is right, honest, and good. In a culture of cancellation and bigotry, we need more to stand up for righteousness. Blessings, dear girl. – Alan
thank you Alan – aggression has no place here! and amen!! life is way too short. thank you for being in my corner. means a lot! Hugs and love xox
Better a dish of herbs where love is than a fated ox and hatred with it
true words, Emil! Hugs and love xox
I’m relieved that you blocked him. He gave me the creeps so I can only imagine how you felt. I love your points for talking to those we disagree with. Such great advice for all of us. Blessings, Caralyn.
my views are probably a lot closer to the person you blocked, but the method made me cringe the few times I did read.
There have been a number of your posts I’ve pondered, or started to, comment on, but mostly I try to curiously listen.
I’ve (slowly) also been learning the things you talked about re: having hard conversations (and I’m a healthcare worker 😅). however far our views may be, I keep-reading because yours do come across as from a place of love and trying to honor your values.
I’m glad that you blocked the creep and wrote a blog post about this topic! You’re one of the kindest bloggers on this platform and blocking this person sends a very clear message to the trolls.
[…] Re: The Creep in my Comments Section […]
There are just some people out there who are so full of hatred and anger that nothing good can come from trying to reason with them. You did right to block him, and I applaud you for it. Yes, we’re to “love our enemies” but sometimes it’s best to do that from a safe distance.
Hi C! So sorry you had to deal with that character. You showed great patience, kindness, and strength by allowing him to go on as long as you did.
Excellent points! I agree with all of them except number three, don’t try to change their mind. This is probably just a semantic issue, but why have a viewpoint and why get into a debate with someone over it if you’re not going to try to get them to see it the way you do? I suggest substituting it with, help them see the truth for themselves.
This is very close to your fourth point, they aren’t their viewpoint. We have to realize God sets the standard for truth. So it’s not ours, we just agree with Him. So when we’re debating, we’re not trying to get someone to agree with us, but with God, with His truth. That allows us to debate the points and not feel like we’re fighting the other person.
Of course, I’m not talking about casual things where there is no right or wrong, just different preferences. I don’t know why people get bent out of shape over those kinds of things. But then again, that’s part of wisdom, being able to tell the difference.
Have a great week! 🤗🙏💛
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
1 Corinthians 9:22 –
To the weak I became weak, that I might gain the weak. I became all things to all men, that I might save all.
(Douay Rheims Bible)
Keep the main thing the main thing. St. Paul knew that, too.
We all have to do what we can to protect ourselves. Keep speaking the truth in love. 😉
Caralyn, It’s sad that some never seem to learn how to conduct themselves aright. You did the right thing. Continue shining your light!
Just as the moon suffers no harm from the howling of the hounds at night, neither will you resting in the hands of your Redeemer! You’re a blessing my friend!
Quite right. Great post.
That was a healthy move! I was about to ask him to knock it off myself…
Love that you continue to speak truth and are witness to the healing power of faith. There have always been critics, now called trolls. who bear false witness. Keep on giving people your reason for hope. Love ya!
Several years ago I had a similar threatening set of comments. My daughter was friends with an FBI agent who did a little “getting to know you” with them. They were very quick to apologize and claim I misinterpreted their comments and they’d be good from then on. Blocking is good. Not sure if they can still access your blogs through your friends though. The internet can be an evil tool at times.
Have a great weekend too
Wow. It’s really messed up what that guy did. I like your approach to these situations; I try for the same thing, although I sometimes let emotion get the best of me… :\
Frankly I’m not surprised that the guy took it that far and crossed the line. It’s a normal thing these days on the internet. If you don’t agree with the liberal, he’ll resort to name calling, tantrums and childish antiques. If that doesn’t work, slander, false accusations and even threats of violence will soon follow.
The interesting thing is that the double standards are so high that it is not wrong for them to do it, but you even whisper a nasty comment in their direction, you’d probably be dealt with legal action.
It is so interesting how cancel culture works these days. Calling anyone who doesn’t agree with them racist and fascist without even taking into account what those words even mean. In calling their opponents such, they only show themselves to be the fascists and the racists.
These are all actions of cowards, afraid that the views and policies of their preferred political party will be shown to the world for what they are – scams to take every last dime and freedom from the common man.
Kudos on you for standing your ground and taking control of your platform and blog. You should not give into their intimidation; nor allow your platform to be taken over by them and used to ridicule and threaten your faithful followers.
Kudos on you taking back control of your platform and your blog. You should have to allow someone like that take over the whole conversation and even threaten yourself and your readers.
Frankly I’m not surprised that he took it that far. The internet is full of people online, radicalized to fight for what they consider to be fascism and racism – without even realizing that in their actions, they are the real fascists and racists.
Why do they do it? Fear.. They are nothing more than cowards, afraid that the policies and the opinions of their preferred political party will the shown for what they truly are – scams to milk every last dime and every last bit of freedom from the common man.
Their fear drives them to resort to childish games and pranks for name calling, tantrums and even weeping for the whole world to see. If that does not work, then come the slander, false accusations and even threats of physical violence.
😂Love the title Caralyn. So you actually get them on WordPress as well as Facebook etc😄
Good for you! No one should think it okay to threaten or harass a blogger or their family. So glad you took action! Best Wishes! Leigh
Wow! You get a Standing Ovation from here for your post and your decision. Your comments on dealing with hard topics is spot on. Eric
A prof of mine my first time in college used to say, “The trouble with common sense is it just ‘ain’t’ common enough.”
An almost parallel quote is at the end of some of my emails:
“Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.” 😁
❤️& 🙏, c.a.
I think that I am glad that I missed whatever happened. There are creeps out there ..and that’s where they should stay.. out there.. away from good people and discussions. Still wishing you all the best and still in my thoughts and prayers, Michael
So sorry about the abuser; I didn’t see the entries. Excellent points in this blog regarding how to deal with explosive points of view. Forge ahead, young friend!
Good for you! I thought of rebuking him too, but I didn’t want to extend a pissing match on YOUR site. Plus there’s an old adage: Never argue with an idiot. People won’t be able to tell you apart!
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
You were far more patient with your antagonist then I would have been. When the personal attacks and name calling starts, I’m done. If it’s not civil and productive, I’m not interested.
Wonderful post as always. Praying for your safety….and for the creep to get a life.
Great word. I like your points. I think too often we are listening to reply instead of listening to understand. But, you’re right. We gotta get better at talking about tough stuff. Awesome post.
Sorry to hear that someone would attract you that way as you share your heart. May the Lord continue to give you strength and wisdom as you share your faith and struggles with transparency. It is truly refreshing. Sorry for not seeing the comments, as my wife and I have taken up many roots in CA and moved to moved to Tennessee. I hope to be back online more as we get settled after months of preparing and moving and then moving back into a place. Please pray as we transition from our ministry of over 42 years to find new way and people to minister to. We are walking by faith. ☝️
I’ve noticed when you post topics about marginalizing students in debt, anti-trans, and homelessness, you attract “creep” energy. Just an observation.
You did the right thing by blocking him. I had to deal with a few of those but from the other social media platforms. That’s the enemy because he knows that your content is God written and powerful to tear down his strongholds upon the minds and hearts of each reader. Great post and usual and I’ll take those tips into deep and practical consideration. Blessings and love to you and your fam! xo 🙏💕🕊🤍💯
Another apt post Caralyn! May the Lord continually bless you with wisdom and insight.
Do whatever you want to do dear don’t care other what they think about you.
thank you Bijendra, that is very true! Hugs and love xox