A Heart Worth Protecting

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well, in case you missed it, The Bachelor ended Monday night.

And America’s boyfriend, Ben, got engaged.

I know. Pass the Ben & Jerry’s.

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Ben’s popularity this season has been unprecedented.

He’s handsome. A former quarterback. Christian. Midwestern. Loves his mama. Wears his heart on his sleeve. I mean, I even found myself saying, “I want a Ben!”


I did! I saw the way he was looking at his now-fiance, and I got swept up in the romance and the sappy background music, and soft pink lighting. I fell for it. Thanks, ABC.

But falling asleep that night, something hit me.

Yes, Ben was a great guy: he was kind, loving, open about his faith, had a good solid background, and a chiseled jawline to boot. But the fact is – he loved two women. At the same time.

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All the fanfare and romance and showy drama of the production forces fans to miss that glaring fact: Ben’s “fairytale” love story is no fairytale at all.

The fact is, I do not want a Ben.

I want the furthest thing from Ben.

I want a man who would never put me in a position to compete for his love. I want a man whose love will never waver. Who will always be faithful. And will never cause me to doubt that.

That is the man I want to marry.

And I have faith that God is forming the heart of my future husband to be just that.


But the show is smart, with its choice editing, playing up this or that, flowering it with sweeping vistas, swelling music, and close ups of our brooding boy…we can somehow miss that giant elephant in the room. Or, at the very least, forgive it. We can even forget the fact that Ben sleeps with three different women, three nights in a row. The man I want to marry will not do that. The man I want to marry will stand up and say, “that is not right.”

GIF-UH

And don’t get me wrong. I love me some Bachelor. I mean, I do not miss a show. I Tweet along. Read recap blogs. I am all in.

But I have to remember that it is just a show. And real love is out there, and handsome as it may appear — it’s not Ben.


You all have been on this journey with me. Having only just recently opened my heart to love and allowing another person to love me — It has been scary. It is the last step in my recovery from anorexia. A disease which annihilated my self love and self worth, and with it, the notion that I deserve love from another person.

But with God’s strength, I’ve chosen to open up that part of myself and test the waters.


Some failed attempts. Some learning opportunities. But none the less, I’m growing. *Still single,* but open to love.

But I’ll tell you this, attractive as Ben and his fairytale love may appear, I respect myself enough to demand a love that is real. A love that is honest. Faithful. Unquestioning.

1 Corinthians 15:6 “Love…rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts…”

Those words have a different weight when you read it thinking about The Bachelor, huh?

Womp womp


If there’s one thing I’ve learned in recovery, it is that my heart is worth something. It was purchased at a price and belongs to the King. And its worth demands that it be cherished and treated as the precious gift it is.

My heart is worth protecting.

And unlike Ben, my future husband will do just that.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

246 thoughts on “A Heart Worth Protecting”

      1. xoxo IT’S AWESOME THE PICS THAT OPENS THE STORY WHAT YOU ARE WRITING AND IT MAKES IT ALL SO CLEAR!!! STOP BY AND CHECK OUT MY BLOG YOU MIGHT ENJOY!!

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  4. You are right, it is just a show that uses all of its tools and resources to market a fairy tale illusion, which isn’t really love at all in my books. Sure, it may be a romantised version but it’s not all reality. A real man wouldn’t risk the heart of someone he really loved.

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  5. So well said! I worry about shows like the bachelor and the impact they have on young people’s expectations of love and romance. It’s so great to hear an alternative perspective being put out there

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  6. Thank you for writing this. Hollywood has broken up a lot of relationships — especially since the advent of online dating. If a guy doesn’t treat a woman like The Bachelor (or if a woman doesn’t act like The Bachelorette), viewers go shopping for a new mate. It’s ridiculous.

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  7. I may be new to this whole Christian thing. But I find that each time I read your blog I experienced a little bit about what you’re thinking. I can’t help but expected same thing from a different gender rather than a guy named Ben. Give me an Alyssa Allison or Alexandria you my friend are very rare special you even though you have your struggles through past circumstances you certainly Define Beauty for what it should be. I think proverbs 31 describes you and tonight I’m going to write about proverbs 31 and dedicate this post to you… keep your eyes open for it and most certainly keep your eyes toward the Sun if he makes you smile because that may be your best feature yet.

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      1. No problem I know how you feel. I may be just a little bit older than you but I’m still single and everybody else still gets married it’s kind of a bummer butt I’m still waiting to find a girl after God’s Own Heart the book his needs above my own.

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      3. The only problem is I don’t think she exists in Canada or my home country for that matter being Italy. I may have to go to Japan Sweden or Germany to find her. Not in a particular order of course. Although I would be heartbroken if I did because then and missed church service in the states I love the states although you got to work on your health care. I think that’s the only thing stopping me from moving over there

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      4. Dear BBB. I wanted to take some time to say that I read your blog today and like always it was wonderful I have to say though I think what makes your writing so awesome is that your authenticity and your belief screams out to people. There’s a real sense of real life there that people can grasp onto. You have to know that you’re making a huge difference not just in my life but many others for that gun will be smiling upon you. Have a great night BBB. I just thought I would send a little encouragement your way. Keep blogging and keep up the good work my friend.

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      10. Dear friend I recently read your post about the Brussels attacks what happened in Europe and I want to comment on your Paradox of post. First of all I want to thank you for putting such an unique take on the situation at hand. How were parlayed that Brussels attacks and the crucifixion at the same time is a thought of the God for sure and for certain. The term why have you forsaken me music valid question. I want to share with you my thoughts on what I think happened that fateful day of the crucifixion. It is believed that God himself had to shut his eyes turn his back and drown out the sound of his son’s voice crying out in agony It is believed that if he had not done that then God would have come down in ferocious anger and destroyed mankind for what they’ve done to his son. It’s a blessing he did not because because now we as Christians have Redemption through his blood and that’s why at the end the crucifixion Jesus spoke these words forgive them Father for they know not what they do and it is finished meaning the Plan of Salvation is completely finished that’s why it is believed that when Christ died on calvary’s Hill God gave all of his love to mankind and if seniors don’t accept Calvary then there hope looks bleak

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  8. Reblogged this on BLUE SUN and commented:
    Love comes in many ways, softly like the fog or like awakening to cymbals in the morning, but however it comes, BBB says it so well, because no matter how love comes to you, THIS is how it should be.

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  12. Yes you do not want a Ben. I don’t like judgemental people but on this guy I have to call it. We have too many men out there talking about their faith on one side of their mouth and sleeping with three girls and falling in love with two from the other! What kind of message is that for young women looking for Christian guys. Steer clear. We are called to separate from the world, In the world but not a part of it. Christians are people who make big mistakes but I always question their faith when it’s not aligning itself with hoe you live. The most important is you live not what you say….right Ben? This guy you seek is there. Trust me! And he will love all of you.

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    2. Hey Leigh! Thanks for this…I know I fee you. I never want to say anything bad about anyone but this was extreme. Thank you–yes I trust that God has just the right man out there for me:) thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  13. I don’t watch The Bachelor because it makes me feel inadequate as a man compared to Ben in the eyes of the world. But I’m glad to see people like you who is able to see love beyond the eyes. I myself am still looking for my future wife who will love me beyond my imperfections and vice versa. Prayers assured to you, my fellow Catholic 🙂

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  15. Preach it, girl! One thing that I had to learn before God gave me the man of my dreams is that I am worth loving. It’s 100% true! And so are you. I prayed and prayed for my husband, what I wanted him to be like, what special character qualities I wanted him to have. And all the time I was praying for a Godly man who loves the Lord, my family was saying “Your standards are too high. You are going to have to lower your standards, or you’ll never get married.” Well, I didn’t lower my standards. I prayed, I delighted myself in the Lord, and HE gave me the desires of my heart. My husband met all of my standards (which I based around the Bible) and even more! Don’t quit praying for that man! God is faithful, and will deliver like no other. He knows what He’s doing, and in His time, He will give you the desires of your heart. 🙂 Keep pressing on, girl! God bless!

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  16. So true! I really enjoyed your post. Still looking for a future husband like that! It is so hard to ignore the outside and really look in the inside. I admit, after seeing Ben on all those magazines and watching his love stories, it hit me as well that I do not want to be with a man like that! xox SS

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  18. I liked the post. Really. And i think we all should abide by it.

    However, I also cannot help but notice that such “competition” happens every single day, and more commonly than we think it happens. When men and women fall for or seduce people with boyfriends / girlfriends / spouses.

    Such a warped world we live in. And I, too, realize that I am not immune to its… perverseness.

    God have mercy on us all!

    God keep you safe, and keep you strong!

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  20. Good for you! I think a lot of us get caught up in the Hollywood versions of what relationships are or should be. You’re recognizing the flaws in those “fairytales” and loving and trusting yourself enough to say “I know what I am worth and will accept no less than what I deserve.” Best of luck as you continue this journey of self growth and finding love. xxx

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  21. You just nailed it! Thank you SO much for your keen analysis of all the “Bens” of the world! If by the grace of God there is someone “out there” for me, I want in her precisely what you’re looking for in your companion-to-be … no “Bens” or “Benettes” allowed! lol Again, great post! 😉

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  22. Fear not. The life of hard knocks has taught me that the good looks and charisma packages usually come with more trouble than they are worth. Take time – always take time – and find out where the true jewels are hidden. Your inner guidance is leading you correctly – give thanks for that!

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  23. Very well-said. We have two daughters, 23 and 26, and I would NEVER want that kind of man for either of them. I want for them both, a young man who loves the Lord with all his heart, then loves her with the pure, selfless love only He can give.
    Definitely not a Ben.

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  24. This is PERFECT! Although my husbands name is Ben,he is not like that Ben lol! I prayed fervently for my husband before I met him and when he came along he was the first guy I didn’t feel like I had to impress or be in competition with other girls with. He truly pursued my heart and God truly blessed me with him! enjoy being single however, it’s the time God is preparing you for your future husband and it is oh so sweet! Thank you for a wonderful read 🙂

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  25. I’m usually all for the entire; as long as everyone are adults and it’s consensual deal, so polygamy is not a bad word or deed in my book, but true polygamy usually involves everyone wanting to be a part of life with everyone – this kind of thing is what really screws up love for so many people, love might be a battle, but it sure as sunshine ain’t no competition. You fight to stay together, you fight your battles together, you patch each other up, but when you have to PROVE which one DESERVES love, that just cheapens everything human beings can create between them.

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  26. I like your post BBB. I’ve never seen the Bachelor or Bachelorette shows because I just can’t … I get embarrassed for the participants.

    I get that networks have to provide content. But to force feed us fake fairytale is reprehensible. Not that the ‘real’ fairytale isn’t also made up, it’s that we know it is and don’t expect it to become real. Shows like this try to use fairytale magic to make their fake fairytale into a reality-tale show. (I hope that is understood better than the way I just wrote it.)

    I don’t know you, of course, but I’m going to guess that I’m old enough to be your grandfather. What I like most about your posts is the maturity in your voice for someone, I believe, to be so young. Your cadence and language and phraseology, etc., all point to you being young. But when they are combined and printed here they equal a sum greater – more mature – than the component parts. You do good.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there friend, wow thank you for such kind words. It really means a lot 🙂 Yeah, the fairytale they try to portray on tv is really no fairytale at all. Same with romantic comedy movies….real love takes hard work and commitment. not just background music and a good story line. thanks for stopping by and for this great perspective. hugs xox

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  28. Wish I could give you a hug! Stunning – don’t watch the show- but as usual love your style and the wee surprising twist. Listen, your heart is precious and what you see on the box…well. Stick with what is in your heart. Remember, you should know beautybeyondbones that beauty is beyond jawlines, beauty spots or high cheek bones. The beauty of love is the contentment the heart feels in the silence of togetherness. God Bless

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  32. How people, even moreso of Christians, get hung up on looks still baffles me. There are millions of physically attractive choices — though I am partial to the idea of soulmates — for either gender, but scarce few truly beautiful individuals. Time shall render the former irrelevant and prove the latter in compare. But surely enough, you will never see an ‘8’, or ‘lower’, on The Bachelor.

    We all want our love to be a fairytale. Though, I must advise giving up on reliving the fairytales of childhood. They are not ours to relive. Love, true love, — and here I perhaps find madness mine more than ever — writes its own fairytale. Cinderella did not hope to be Juliette, Snow White to be Cinderella. And for my part, I shall don no princely armor but my own.

    Hah. White knight… And foolishly, for ‘white knight’ is now a term of derision where once it stood for a man dedicated to goodness and righteousness and the love of one woman, to protect and care for her above all else save faith, not because she is incapable but because he loves her more than himself. Foolishness and madness, I know, but both accompany love just the same. When they have gone, love abides.

    What love is worth having should inform our hearts of what love is not worth having. The entire parade and premise that a man should simply choose a woman, as though she were a grocery item to check off the list (and vice-versa), is not love, not a love worth having. If we believe that God has a plan for our lives, what choices are to be made? There is but one: do we follow His plan or choose our own way? I refuse to believe that God’s plan for our lives does not include a future spouse.

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    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. I definitely agree– i believe whole-heartedly that God is preparing my husband’s heart right now and that he has someone picked out just for me. I have to rest in that hope. thanks for taking the time to read! hugs xox

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  33. First of all, thank you for checking out my blog and liking one of my posts 🙂 You are an excellent writer, and I love how you continue to cling to God through your battles. I’ve read some of your posts and there were great lessons taught. God bless!

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  34. I’m so glad I found your blog because I feel the exact same way. Except I’m not able to watch the Bachelor or Bachelorette type shows because I don’t know how you can fall in love with someone in a competition. I’m very competitive and very good at reading people so I see me using that to my advantage just to get ahead in the game. That’s not how I want to love. Another great post 🙂

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    1. Hi Cora! Aw, thank you so much! yeah, the premise of the show is very peculiar to say the least! you’re right — love is more special that any reality tv show. thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  35. I hope and pray that you find that man you deserve! They are out there, and they struggle to find the woman they deserve too. Someone like you.

    I wish you good luck in your search, and caution to avoid what feels wrong.
    Regards
    Havoc

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  36. Brilliantly put! If you are forced to compete for someone’s love then it’s just a game to them . Been there learned the hard way. Loved reading it ! 😘

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  40. Once more, your wisdom shines. I believe that God is creating something amazing for you! He is already making something beautiful in you and through you. Thank you for sharing your journey toward open-heartedness with the world. It’s a very vulnerable position to be in, and it gives me courage to face my vulnerabilities, too. Thank you! ❤️

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    1. Hey Lulu! Aw thank you so much friend. God is so good, I believe he is too! I just have to muster some patience! And gosh, what a kind thing to say. You just made my day ☺️ I’m so glad our paths crossed:) sending a big hug Xoxox

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  41. Great post, love is a scary thing sometimes. I was blessed to meet my wife when I did when my life was getting ready to nose dive. You seem like a very smart woman, just be careful out there. Just because a man goes to church or says he believes doesn’t mean he is a Godly man, pray, pray, pray.

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  42. Lovely: so right, Hollywood romance is just a story for relaxing with … Hope you find your man, and when you do, don’t expect perfection always (me, married 41 years, survived, but the ups and downs will always come to all of us – difficulties to share – kids to raise – kids can break you 2 hearts differently … they don’t mean to … don’t expect perfection, but do choose a soul mate not just a good-looker! You are on the right lines here. Faithfulness really counts. Soulmates are there for the long haul. Love your brave blog.

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    1. Hi Mari! Aw thank you for this beautiful response. Youre right- just like I can’t expect perfection from myself, I can’t expect it in another person either. But faithfulness is key☺️ wow 41 years-what an inspiration! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  43. Good post….trying to wrap my head around the concept of “Christian…sleeps with 3 different women three nights in a row…(on a national stage)”…..nah, can’t do it bro. He’s no Christian. He disqualified himself from that title. The apostle Paul would have cast him out of the community.

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  48. A lovely reflection. Powerful. Poignant.

    I appreciate your willingness to watch “The Bachelor.” It’s never drawn my attention, in large part because it portrays (advertises? sells?) a love so steeped in sentimentality that I find it unreal (although, I confess, there are times when I wish such a love was real, and, thus, attainable).

    I also appreciate, indeed, find myself grateful to you for your reflection on a love that is true and honorable, noble and sustainable that reflects what Paul wrote in his great paean to love, 1 Corinthians 13.

    My hope and prayer is that you, in the grace of your continued recovery and openness to love – to loving and to being loved, find your un-or-non-Ben. Trusting God is working His purpose out in your life,

    Love and peace,
    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Paul! Thank you so much! I really appreciate your encouragement. You speak so much wisdom. Yes, God is good and has a plan for my life and I have to trust that he will bring the right man into my life at the right time. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  49. A woman who understands her true value will not throw herself at just any man. You may have doubted your worth in the past, but the fact that you are willing to wait for a man who deserves you is beautiful and it shows how far you have come on your journey! Blessings!

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  50. Oh my!! Girl, you hit it right on the head!!
    I was sitting here, at the first of this, shaking my head going, “No Ben for me…” (I’m not a fan of the Bachelor 😛 Hehe)
    So, when the second part of this writing came into view I was cheering, and clapping along!!
    So precious the gift God gave us to show love, and may we hold it dear ❤
    Really touching post my friend *handclaps*

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