Honesty Hour

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’m going to be honest with y’all.

I’ve been feeling really restless in my heart recently.

No, it’s not because we’re heading into the Final Four and my bracket is malarky.

Not because I’m anxiously awaiting the new Backstreet Boys/NSYNC/98 Degrees movie that’s set to come out soon.

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((Be still my preteen heart))


Not because the presidential candidates have got me (and apparently a plethora of other weary Americans) ready to jump ship and move to Canada.

No.

My heart is restless because of wondering when God is going to show me His plan for my life.

And it’s funny because, as I type this, the direction of this post is going to go in a completely different direction than I set out to write….so, thank you Holy Spirit for that gentle nudge.

I’ve kept it on the DL, but I was cast last year in a feature film trilogy. Filming on location, out of state during the entire summer. And starting in May, I had to report on set.

Now, I’m not “green” — I’m well aware that many projects fall through, so I knew not to get excited until I was on the plane with the check in my hand.

Hashtag: ShowMeTheMoney

 

Anyways, there were signs and certain things that made me believe that this was, in fact, going to happen. Sure enough signs that I told my boss that I was going to need the summer off.

Well, I got an email last week that the project has been postponed for an entire year. And the better part of my brain adds the addendum — “if it happens at all.”

So I was disappointed to say the least.

OK, God. I’m just waiting for You to show up and tell me why You pulled the rug out from under me? I thought this was something You wanted me to do?

And then there’s the boys.


There are a couple interesting prospects in my life on the romance front. But, being in the old fashioned camp, I do not text boys first. I wait for them to contact me.

And I’m really feeling like my heart is ready for love. So again…

Dear God, Hello from the other side! I must have called a thousand times! I’m just waiting for you to show me who I’m supposed to open my heart to! Kthanksbye!

 

So I’m restless. Feeling like I’m kinda flailing, waiting for God to show me His plans for my life.

But here’s how funny God works. As I’m writing this, I’m given a little whisper.

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And I know this might sound a little batty, but whatever…I’m just going to share with you what I’m hearing right now:

God is revealing His will for my life. Right now. It just might not be how I think it’s supposed to look. It might not be my timing. It might not be packaged and wrapped up in a neat little bow. But it’s His plan. And His timing.


The fact is, He’s given me this blog, and instilled a true passion in my heart to share how He legitimately saved my life from a severe case of anorexia.

He’s given me time with my friends this summer. Instead of being on location for three months, I’m going to be able to nurture my heart with my friends, which has been so life-giving and important to my recovery.

He’s given me a job that allows me time to take care of myself and my needs, as well as allow me time to blog.

And most importantly, He’s given me my health. I’m healthy. I’m not enslaved to ED anymore. I’m not in an Ulcerative Colitis flare. Sure, I may have to take certain measures to put my health first, but He empowers me to do that.


So though I may feel as though I’m like Sandra Bullock in Gravity, drifting at the moment, questioning God’s plan for my life…the fact is, He is at work. My measly little earthy eyes just can’t always recognize how blessed I am. At least not at the hyper speed I tend to live.

Anywho. Time to shut down the computer for the night. Take a little respite from the glow of my Mac in the midnight hour and get some sleep.

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Being restless is a choice. But so is being intentional. So is being still. So is reflecting and choosing peace.

And those things, when practiced, can overpower the restlessness.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

393 thoughts on “Honesty Hour”

  1. Great word! After 73 years I think I’m finally getting it about God’s plan. It has to do with mindfulness in the moment. What hair I have left Father has it counted; so, I think He knows the moments of this day for which I have planned. He has put before me certain task (writing my blog) that I focus on until He changes my direction or informs me via the Holy Spirit of a new road I am to travel. My history has been one of not waiting long for God … like Saul. That has not worked so well to say the least! Anyway, you hit the nail on the head! Thanks and Blessings!

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  2. It’s true it gets really hard when life doesn’t go as planned. It’s easy to start questioning God and wondering why certain things are happening but we have to keep our trust in Him and remember that He is with us. Everything comes with His timing and He is the Best of Planners! He will always, always always show us the way, we just have to wait ❤

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  3. Great post BBB! There is a popular contemporary christian song being played on the radio called “Diamonds” by Hawk Nelson. Great music and here is a sample of some lyrics “he’s making diamonds out of dust…he’s making diamonds out of us!” If you get a chance, check it out. Peace to you.

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    2. Glad that you have found peace with God’s plan for your life. It is really true that our own plans often don’t work out but that what happens can be better than what we planned. You are right that we can choose what mood to be in whether positive or negative. It is hard work to change your ways of thinking to positive ones but I and many other I know in recovery from addiction have done it.

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      1. Hi Caroline! Thank you so much for this encouragement. You’re right, His plans are always better than we could ever imagine. What a comforting thought. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  4. I know how you feel… I’ve been in your shoes many times, waiting on God’s plan… and when he reveals it, it’s not always what I expected or wanted, but it’s always better than I could have imagined! Keep being patient! It will be worth it!

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  6. so very true… so open…
    While I was reading, this song popped into my head…

    I’m not sure why it popped up in my noggin – maybe someone else needs to hear it as well – but am listening to it now – a good way to start a Friday…

    Take care of yourself, k?

    Tom

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  8. Such a spiritually nourishing post, thank you. I so like that you turn it all over to God, every care, every worry. We can trust him to provide. I cannot tell you how many times in hindsight something I thought I needed to happen would have been an utter disaster. I was confused and frustrated with God’s no at the time, but see now why His no was His looking out for me, into a future I could not comprehend. God Bless!

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    1. Hi April! Aw thank you so much. I’m glad it resonated with you:) yes, it’s sometimes hard to see, but our Father always has the best in mind for us. His plans are perfect! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  10. Really enjoyed this, and know the feeling. There have been many times in my life that I have prayed for something, and the answer was, “Yes, but you need to wait.” Sometimes I have not heard the “you need to wait” part of it, and have gone ahead and said, “oh, this must be it”, and when I was wrong, “Oh that must be it!” and set out to make the answer happen because I knew the answer was yes, but didn’t hear the wait part. Over the many years in my growing relationship with the Holy Spirit I have learned that when God opens the door it is very easy to go through, but when you try to force the door open usually you get a lot of splinters for your troubles. While picking out the splinters you grow a bit, but trusting him is so much less painful. I am glad to read that you are waiting for the Lord’s guidance. I am sure that even while you wait you are on a path that you just don’t recognize as the path. Enjoy the rest that God is giving you!

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  12. Beautiful! I think most of us go through stages where we question what God’s plan is for our lives. But like you said so eloquently, the only cure for the restlessness that inevitably comes from this question is being still in God’s presence. Have you heard “Restless” by Audrey Assad? One of my favorite songs…

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      2. aw, thank you again 🙂 Audrey is such a talented young woman and her story. oh my gosh SO POWERFUL. i could listen to her all day. oh awesome! I can’t wait to listennnn!!! 🙂 thanks for passing it along xox

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  13. My verse this week was Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure everything out on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track ….. Needless to say I can totally relate!

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  14. […] Over the past few days, I’ve seen several Facebook posts about people who are going through the same season of change and the same search for direction. Yesterday I read a post by another blogger who I follow. She was talking about the same thing. She expected her life to be going a certain direction when things just didn’t work out. Now she is seeking God’s direction and working on being still and waiting on Him. Her site is Beauty Beyond Bones and you can read her post by clicking here. […]

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  15. “After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: ‘Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.'” (Genesis 15:1, NIV)
    A long time ago, Jesus met with me at a crossroads in my life. Everything was falling through, and I was SCARED. But, in that place, Christ put something on my heart: that to be with Him, even in a valley or a place of not knowing where Jesus will take me– is better than not being close to Him and “putting everything into my own hands.” It’s like Isaiah 43: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43:2, NIV). If He is with us, whether it’d be through fire, or green pasture– if He leads us into it, He is with us through it, and that is all that matters.
    I know how scary, and anxiety-creating, seasons of life like this are. But I want to encourage you, my sister in Christ, and friend: Jesus knows EXACTLY what He is doing. Everything you were planning on might fall through– the romantic interests could leave, filming could dry up, and everything else in life could get difficult. But if Jesus is there, there is NOTHING to be afraid of. There is only closeness to be gained! Because, in the end, HE is your Shield; and HE is your Reward.
    Love you, sister. Praying!! Rest in Jesus!! 🙂 ❤

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    1. “Your very great reward.” What a comforting thought. Thank you so much for sharing this. You offer such beautiful perspective. Thank you for the encouraging and kind words. And I appreciate the prayers. You will be in mine too! Hugs and love xox

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      1. It’s all Jesus 🙂 He led me to share those words with you! I pray He and His Word would stew in your heart today 🙂 Thank you for your prayers, too! Prayers for healing in both my life, and the life of my friend, would be very appreciated! Love to you in Christ ❤

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  16. I love reading your blogs, they’re always so genuine! I’m sorry it’s hard sometimes trying to figure out what exactly God wants to do in your life. I’m on the same page as you, I get it. We love the Lord so we’ll just continue to trust, no other option lol!

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  17. Beauty! Good to read you again! I have a few thoughts jumbled together, so I’ll just jump in and see if I can make sense.

    Because of free will, not even God can steer a car that’s not rolling. Waiting to discover God’s will for your life is like parking in your drive, wondering why you can’t see the mountains (if you live in northern Ohio). Not that I think you don’t, but keep rolling, baby!

    Without getting too buried in it, I read a series of novels with a couple characters who lived centuries. One lived thousands of years. Both were prescient – could see the future in minute detail, The latter longed for the day he’d know the joy of surprise again.

    The lesson? God’s will is that you DISCOVER your life, not wonder what it will be. It’s a gift that takes decades to unwrap, and that should be a joy. Ever see a kid just sitting before the tree Christmas morning, wishing and praying for the presents to open? Aw, HELLS no!

    You are a smart, tough cookie! Just keep tugging at the ribbons and tearing at the paper, because when you least expect it…life HAPPENS!!! Love & hugs to you!

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    1. Hi Jeff! Yes! Keep rolling indeed. That’s such great advice. Thank you for that perspective. And amen to that. He wants us to discover our lives. What a beautiful thought. Thank you so much, as always, for you heartfelt encouragement and wisdom. It means the world. Thanks for reading friend. Hugs and love xox

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  18. The first thing I thought in the first few paragraphs is he’s unraveling His will even now, but then you said it yourself! I have found in my triumphs and my losses that all things really do work for my good and point down the path He would have me to go.

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      1. I have to remind myself constantly that He knows the plans He has for me. Though the journey may be uncomfortable the outcome is always better than we could have imagined. I have had similar thoughts to you lately so I can relate. Thanks for sharing. Your sweet spirit is evident in your responses and your posts.

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  19. This is me! I have asked God about certain things that just don’t seem to be panning out!, I too feel ready for a new relationship. I feel like it needs to happen soon because I feel at the age of 27 I’m feel like this needs to happen as I’m not getting any younger and that if it doesn’t happen now that it won’t happen at all. But I know I need to trust God which I do he has shown so much, including the first thing he is calling me to do. Which is a small thing but it is big in my heart 😊 I hope God fits more pieces of the puzzle together for you you deserve so much happiness x

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    1. Hi Benjamin! Thank you so much for this reflection. It’s so hard to be patient. Especially in the love department. I so feel ya! yes, trust trust trust! Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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      1. Hey Lovely I had a good Sunday, God spoke to me so much yesterday, but today I had a difficult day but i managed to deal with it 🙂 I went to a church near to find out about what god is doing in my town, in the first 5 minutes I was blown away by such a powerful testimony, that more than confirms how amazing our god is ❤

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  20. You are getting ahead of me. Once you read my next installment – if you have time (I see you are getting really popular) you’ll understand what I mean. I have the same struggles in knowing, being assured I am at that place in my walk He would have me to be, and when. It is hard for me to let go, be content with where I am. I always feel like I should be doing more. As for you, though, I believe, and this is just me, you are doing exactly what God wants you to do – at least for now. I know, for me, finding you – your blog – has been part of His plan. I wish I could explain, but then, I think you know what I mean. I believe you are very perceptive. I haven’t finished your initial series, but the “feeling really restless in my heart recently” line seized my attention. For goodness sake, I found myself “worried” about you and had to read on to make sure you are okay. The thing is I need you – and I realize how weird that sounds – but I feed off your work, your experiences, your faith. It inspires me. I don’t know how else to explain it. No, I would not quit doing God’s work if you and I never had another exchange, but it definitely drives me, knowing you – and others – are out there, helping, guiding, and inspiring others. Alright, I’ll shut up. Just know, I pray for you every day.

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    1. Oh my goodness, thank you so much. what incredible encouragement. your prayers and kind words mean so much. i’m glad that my posts resonate with your heart. I’ll definitely check out your post! truly, friend, your words have touched me heart this evening. i’m grateful for you. sending hugs and love xox

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  21. This was amazingly honest! Thank you for posting this, I also find myself in the same position as yourself, unable to completely see what God has got prepared for my life but this post definitely help me feel like I’m not the only one! Thank you for this.

    He is faithful.

    Xx

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  23. Oh girl, I feel like I could have written this! It’s my 10-year high school reunion this summer, and it has totally thrown me for a loop. (I even wrote a blog about it not too long ago!) I’ve really wrestled with the 10-year reunion, not to mention nearing my 30th birthday, and the fact that I am nowhere near where I planned on being at this point in my life. Furthermore, the lack of concrete direction in my life at the moment truly freaks me out because (as a commercial so eloquently states), I’m a “control enthusiast!” Ha! But seriously, as I thought about it more, I eventually came to the conclusion that my life has not gone according to my plan–at all–but it has gone exactly according to God’s plan, which is comforting and gives me hope that the best is yet to come because honestly? Who knows better–Jill and her narrow-minded self or the Magnificent Creator of the Universe?! I know it probably sounds cliche or even a ridiculous question, but it truly helps me keep perspective in the moments where I feel directionless and like I’m flailing around trying to figure out this thing called life. Anyway, I expressed myself much better in my blog, but after a crazy long week at work, this is the best I’ve got right now. Ha! I always love reading your posts, though, and I thank you for always being authentic and genuine. You resonate with people more than you know! Xo

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    1. Hi Jill! Aw thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. That really means a lot. Truly-thank you. You speak the truth here my friend! Gods plan, though we may not be able to understand it in the moment is good and perfect and in perfect timing — which is usually the hardest part, at least for me. Patience, as they say, is a virtue 😂 10 year reunion…I hope it is a wonderful experience. You’re exactly where you should be, so walk in there with your head up:) ❤️❤️❤️ thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Timing and patience are two of the hardest elements of trusting in God’s plan for me, too. When I was 10, I literally wrote out a plan for my life, and it’s been so, so hard to let that go. But, I was getting so frustrated that things weren’t happening when 10-year-old Jill thought they should that the only thing I could do was let go. It’s something I work on every single day, but in really trying to work on being content in the moment and trusting that God’s got it all figured out already! ☺️❤️

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      3. Jill I recently read your post or comment post and I’m interested in reading this blog of yours because you’re so eloquent with words but I can’t help but want to reheat things about your life because if you’re this funny in a comment post I can only imagine how comical your blogs will be coming to my other y dry but salty sense of humor.

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      4. Aw, thanks for the kind words! I try and weave humor into my posts (as I do in my daily life) because I truly believe laughter is the best medicine. Hopefully it also helps make my posts a little more relatable, but you’d have to be the judge of that yourself! 😊 Feel free to check it out… I don’t know if you can see my profile or the link from my comment, so, if you can’t, it’s at beginyourstory.wordpress.com. 😊

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      5. Yes sometimes laughter is the best medicine and when medicine doesn’t work God walks within us even when doctors say we have no hope we have a hope in Jesus. I understand from your profile that you’re recovering anorexic however know this God Wants You Well in all things spiritually physically and financially. Which means you must yield to the spirit of God daily to listen to his instructions listen to that still small voice that says that you could do all things through Christ who strengthens you. But beware the enemy for he goes about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour yield to the spirit of God resist the devil and he will flee from you. You could be sick for you from everybody that you have in your life with the help of the power of God the Son and the Holy Spirit. and know this God loves you he says in his word that you are more precious than silver and gold and I don’t know about you but that’s pretty special I think that’s pretty special remember this It also says in the word that there will be joy in heaven over one person that repents more than ninety-nine just persons that need no repentance. You to the spirit of God daily ask him to give you strength to face the challenges of life. Challenge the devil with the power of God within you that you will bulldoze him over and make it flatter than a pancake. God Wants You Well however the enemy wants to destroy you the enemy wants to destroy all of God’s children you can be happy you can be strong you can be healthy with in the Lord Nehemiah chapter 8 verse 10 states the joy of the Lord is our strength

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  24. He is GOD, and He will take care of you. Isaiah 41:10, ‘Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed ; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.’ Because of Jesus, Em

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    1. Hi Em! How are you friend?! Amen to that. Thank you for passing along this beautiful verse. Such comfort in knowing that He is always with us. So that no matter what we’re going through, we always have Him by our side as a helper, guide and friend. I needed to hear that! Thanks love☺️ So glad you stopped by! Have a beautiful weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  25. April fools has been a bad day. I think I was the one being fooled by it. I dunno, all I can say about that movie business is what Isaiah said something about the day of the Lord coming on all the pleasant pictures (Isaiah 2:16). I never knew what that verse of scripture meant, but I’ve always wondered if maybe it did mean something, particularly as pertains to the film industry.

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    1. Hi Daniel, hmm that’s a very interesting thought. I’ve never thought about it in that sense before. Hmm 🤔 I’m sorry April fools has been less than lovely. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you! Sending love and hugs xox

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      1. Thanks. Yea, I’ve been ripped to ribbons on different blogs today over my views of life. I guess I deserve, some say, for believing like I do.

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      3. Well, thanks for that. I like watching movies, but I think being an actor would feel too mechanical and unnatural to have to “act” instead of “be yourself.” How do you do that?

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      4. That was something I thought I was going to struggle with as well. But I’m a method actor. So basically you find something in the character and situation that you can relate to, and then go back to a time when you yourself were feeling or experiencing the same thing, and then just respond out of that truth. It makes it more authentic and so you’re not “acting” but rather are grounded in a reality you’ve experienced before.

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      7. I hate to be so caustic, but (and supposing you really are as religious as you say) when you mention how much fun you “are going to have…” this summer with friends, etc., I do remember that Jesus once said, Take no thought for tomorrow. Sufficient is the day and the evil therein. I, personally, can’t ever go into even so much as tomorrow with my thoughts. How many times might I be blindsided just today, and how am I to be ready for that (particularly if I’m dreaming of how wonderful Christmas is going to be…etc.)? Nain. I have always gotten a lot of flak for putting religion into everything, so I don’t care if you see me as excessive or over-the-top or compulsive in that regard. I just feel like I would have no life if I didn’t pounce like a tiger on the opportunities to find cracks in a person’s “supposed” foundation. Really, I’m not trying to dis your Christianity. Let people be who they are, who they want to be. I’m just staying, I know so many “Christians” that, like they say in Spanish–De la boca para afuera–and nothing more. I’m not saying you’re like this. I don’t want to judge you. I’m not very into Jesus, anymore (I was at one time.) I read your blog, and I find it reeking of Jesus, and maybe possibly the way I once thought about him. But life has been cruel. Life has been unkind. I have become, above all things, a Nihilist. To be true, I would explain Nihilism is a way out of pain. When the pain is so intense, Nihilism is the best escape. It’s like going down the bottomless pit of hell and finding an exit at the bottom. A worm hole, if you will, out of hell. People love to dis me, to trash me on my viewpoints of Nihilism. The last time we talked, you mentioned that you looked up the definition of the word, but you never said what it meant to you or anything about what kind of emotional response that term and its definition gave you? Anyway, I probably should shut up. If Jesus is real, he might get mad at me.

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      8. Hi Dan, I’m sorry that you feel life has been cruel and unkind. That breaks my heart. I wish I could give you a big hug through the screen right now. But you know, I can relate to that-we all have things in our past that are hurtful and painful. Times when life has been unfair or a struggle. Hell, look at my past with anorexia and ulcerative colitis. Believe me when I say that I get it. So hang in there. Things will get better. In regards to nihilism, I have to admit, I had to look it up again just now haha…and I want to say that I’m sorry that you’ve felt that rejecting all beliefs is your answer. For me personally, the only way I have been able to get through everything in life is by clinging to Jesus and His promises. And in the mean time have found incredible freedom. And peace. And hope. And that’s why I can get excited about the summer and tomorrow and things in the future. Because I trust that He does have a good plan for me and that I am His cherished daughter that He wants to delight. And He does…I see it again and again and again in everyday life. I understand when you say we aren’t promised tomorrow. That’s very true. My best friend’s dad and sister died unexpectedly, and then found out her mom had breast cancer. So yes, life is unexpected and there are no guarantees, but He has given me today and that is to be lived. And if tomorrow brings something tragic, I will trust Him to get me through it. Like He always does. So, yes. This blog does “reek” of Jesus, but that’s only because I literally wouldn’t be here without Him. But all that being said, I respect your views and beliefs. We are all trying to navigate this thing called life. And I’m not here to judge anyone. I’m just here to love and encourage:) hugs my friend xox

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      9. My dad was never a happy man. Maybe I was just destined to be unhappy. De tal palo tal astilla. The apple never falls far from the tree. Like father like son. Anyway, I think that’s just my fate. Watching him be miserable all my life, I’ll probably never escape the misery he is in.

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      10. I hope that is not the case. You deserve an abundant life full of joy and love❤️❤️❤️I always have to remind myself that joy is a choice. And that whenever I’m feeling down, to think about everything that I am grateful for. I know it sounds cheesy but it works.

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      11. Is joy a choice? I would like to think that emotions can be independent of situations, circumstances, and surroundings, but I don’t know if I can believe that. The things I do affect me greatly. Stopping everything to convince myself that I should feel joy without having any definite reason…I just don’t think my analytical brain would accept that.

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      12. Hmm, I can see that. For me, joy is a choice – it is not an emotion, which are fleeting. But it is a state of being. it stems from gratitude. I think there’s a huge difference between joy and happiness. Like say my dog dies, yes I will be sad and yes I will definitely not be happy. That’s an emotion. But joy-that’s a state of being. I can still have an underlying foundation of joy that I had the precious time I did with my dog, and grateful for those years. I can still find joy in the sadness but it is a choice. I guess it’s a heart thing. Ok off now to brunch with my friends so I may not be able to respond so promptly. Have a beautiful day! Hugs and love xox

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      13. I feel no joy, but the principle Endure to the End is ingrained into me such that it will never leave.

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      14. You know, maybe you’re right, Beebs, I do have things to be thankful for. Nothing since October 2000, but up until October 2000, there were things that I can be thankful for. Post-October 2000, no. But maybe I’m just searching for something I can’t find. Something to be grateful for in the present since October 2000. If I just expand my memory back to pre-October 2000, as it were, pre-historic times, maybe I would find joy there, like you say. I dunno, whaddaya think? I’ve decided to terminate my writing of posts, but I think it would be great to keep commenting on blogs like yours, you know, bug all you Jesus freaks out there in the blogosphere. You don’t mind, do you?

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      15. Hi Daniel! Beebs:) hehe I like that😎😎😎(I’m a hugs biebs (Bieber) fan, so that’s pretty fitting😂) Gosh, October 2000. I’m sorry that you feel that there’s nothing to be thankful for since then! That’s a long time ago! I know that for me, during seasons of change or trials, when you’re in the midst of everything, it can be hard to see those things i have to be joyful about and thankful for. But they’re there. You just have to turn over some rocks, dig a little bit deeper, brush away the cobwebs—but they’re there. I hope you do continue blogging. Your voice matters 🙂 and I always welcome your comments☺️ sending hugs and love xox

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  27. What is encouraging is you remaining close to God! God expects our questions and reveals His answers in such unique. For example, I walked away from God for many years….after my return to faith, I could see God never walked away from me. Always there, simply waiting.

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  31. So love your comment on the USA presidential election candidates … and yes, God’s timing … always fascinating … busy with my novel, tried to cut out all extras, now selling a house and expecting a grandchild, plus a few other things … still hopefully writing novel no. 3 but no, have not got more time after all!

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  32. I can’t wait to read your first blog post from Canada! Only joking, I suspect that no presidential candidate will force you to emigrate.

    Interesting insight into your recent hopes. I hope that this summer proves the most spiritually rewarding of your life thus far.

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  33. You know B, the hardest thing I’ve had to learn (and that I’m still learning – I still know so little) has been to rest in the finished work of Jesus’ love for me. Because first and foremost, before I get out into the world, even before I get to my youthgroup or worship-leading, that’s all he’s calling me to do – rest and dwell in him, gaze on the light of his face and… everything else comes as a natural result. Feel like a failed screw-up (am a failed screw-up)? Rest. Feel purposeless? Rest. Don’t know where he’s leading me next? Rest. Gaze. Dwell. That’s job one. And when he dwells in me, and I in him, gosh I won’t say it gets easier, per se.. but I don’t worry so much about where he’s taking me, it all comes so naturally from a posture of rest and looking at the face of Jesus (:

    Happy Saturday! (:

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    1. Hey Carson! What a beautiful reflection. Seriously wow. This has given me so much peace. You’re absolutely right: rest in Jesus and everything will fall into place when where and how it’s supposed to. Thanks for stopping by! Have a great weekend! Xox

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  34. What a wonderful read. You do have a lot of great things going on in your life, and you’re an absolutely beautiful woman, so I’m sure the boy situation will work itself out soon. I’m not a patient person myself, so it’s difficult for me to give someone the advice of being patient and things will work out, but that’s all the advice I have to give. It sounds like you have a very solid foundation, so when things start to fall in place, they have somewhere firm to land, and won’t risk damaging other parts of your life.

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  35. I’ve been there. I remember very clearly not knowing where in the world God was leading me. This poem that I received in Confirmation prep at Church was a HUGE comfort in that period of my life:

    “I don’t want to waste my time here on this earth… When you’re put here it’s for a reason. The Lord wants you to do something. If you don’t know what, then you’ve got to try hard to find out what. It may take time, you may make mistakes. He won’t hand you a piece of paper with a map on it, no sir. He’ll whisper something. And at first you may not even hear. But if you trust in Him and keep turning to Him, it will all be alright.”

    My prayer has eventually become, “God lead me wherever you want. Use me as much as possible to bring you glory.” And after I started praying that, I really started to feel God showing me how I could help in specific ways. Grace be with you!! 🙂

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    1. Wow what a powerful poem. Thank got so much for sharing that with me and for your kind and encouraging words. How true-it’s in gentle whispers where the lord communicates-not of a road map. Have a beautiful Sunday! Hugs and love xox

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  36. I smiled as I read the conclusion of your post. It sounds so familiar! I’ll remind your heart and mine that it’s in the still moments when “nothing” is happening that God is doing EVERYTHING inside us. As for the boys, stick to it. You will only get a leader if you let him lead first. 🙂 God bless your day.

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    1. Hi Yolanda! Thank you for this encouragement. It really means a lot. I love that-God IS doing everything inside of us, even when it may feel like we’re at a stagnant point in our lives. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  37. I’m SO thankful for this post. I am currently waiting until tonight to find out my fate if I got my dream internship. I have had trouble sleeping all week, and everyone keeps telling me to calm down, God has a plan for you. And I KNOW He does, but it is still hard to just “calm down,” especially with my anorexic tendency of perfectionism. So I really appreciate this post because I feel like we are in very similar situations. I keep a note on my computer homescreen with 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all you anxiety on HIM because HE cares for you.” xoxo

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    1. Hi friend! Thank you so much for these kind words. I love that verse. So true. He DOES care for us and his plans (and timing!) are good and perfect. I’ll say a prayer for you for the internship! Good luck! ☺️ sending hugs and love xox

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  40. Funny how things work out. It’s said, “Everything happens for a reason.” On so many levels I’ve learned throughout my life that his phrase falls ever so true. We never know why God chooses, changes, or creates moments for us. Only that we part of the BIG PLAN This was a really good post. I enjoyed it. when i reflect on what you said, I think about things like:
    ~~It’s almost as if something bad could of happened, or were being protected from something, when things like that happen. Like a blessing in disguise. We never know because we only know what were feeling from the impact.~~

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    1. Hi friend! Thank you so much for this encouragement. I’m glad you liked it! You’re right-so much of life is a blessing in disguise. Part of the big plan. We just have to trust and surrender. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  41. Thank you for this. I really needed this today. I have also been trying to look at my life in this manner, and some days it is hard to that as I’m sure you know. Especially when other people around me seem to have their life figured out. I feel like I know part of the plan, now I just have to accept it.

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  42. Amen sister! I have to remind myself continually that in all likelihood, MY plans will never come to fruition- only His will! And in submitting myself completely to that idea, I’m brought peace. When living for Him, everything will be as it should, even when it looks NOTHING like what we’ve imagined. Even if it means suffering in this life, we’ve been promised so much more in eternal life.

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  43. I am not religious as much as I am spiritual! Especially with a grandson with brain cancer! However what I have been TOLD by a true believer is to pray for what you need specifically! I always thought I needed to thank him, praise him, Lord’s Prayer etc… I still say those prayers but I also tried asking for VERY specific things, and guess what? Most of them have happened. Maybe give it a try?
    Regardless, a good read – Thank You!

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    1. Hi Stephanie! Thank you so much for this reflection. Oh gosh I’m so sorry about your grandson. I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers. And you’re so right. Prayer changes things! Thanks for stopping by! Sending hugs and love xox

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  45. All glory to God. The Holy Spirit is so evident in your writing, in the way you progress from feeling restless to your sense of peace. I hope that you continue to use the gift that He has given you to share how great He is with everyone. I think it was Charles Stanley who said in his sermon, and I paraphrase… that waiting is not passive, rather it is an active process of our will to continually seek God in order to allow His will to unfold in our lives. We are only human, and restlessness is part of our condition… but if we keep our eyes fixed on the unseen and allow God, not our feelings, to be our master… then we will be OK.
    Ps. I too love the Backstreet Boys!
    Blessings

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  46. This post really touched me because it hits close to home, especially pleading to God- what do you want to do with my life? And of course, as always, when I least expected it, it was revealed… Not through a “career” or a worldly measurement, but by the fact that we share our lives with Him in the center…and yes, your writing is definitely a divine tool! Thank you for using your spiritual gift in writing. You will lbe in my prayers 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate the prayers and the encouragement! I’m glad it resonated with you. Isn’t it always when we least expect it?! God’s timing….always worth waiting for. thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  47. Dear BBB,
    God bless you! Believe it or not, there are MANY who feel the very same way you do….me included! That is the reason I started writing my blog, Ancient Threads. It seems my whole life, I have had to fight someone or something including myself. HA! You know everything we do as Christians is to be done as if we’re doing it for the Lord…it’s biblical. I have tried to live that worshipful life most of my life. Each job I have taken on, is to in some way, to honor God. And JUST when I think I know what I’m supposed to do, the rug ALWAYS gets pulled out from under me! I never see my goal come to full fruition! I always reach my goals but I never am allowed to see where it is going to take me! It’s very disheartening. Along the way, I’ve also lost many “friends”…huh, friends, right? I have much I want to do in a world that doesn’t seem to want me. I know it’s the enemy frustrating my efforts, trying to make me give up on God and life, I refuse! So, I took up top blogging. Allot of times, I will start writing on my blog thinking I know where it’s going only to have Holy Spirit redirect it! Allot of times I’m in awe, not of the end product as much as that God actually spoke to me! Most of my blogs have been that way! God is sooo good, and He will not ever leave me (you) or forsake me (you)! There is great comfort in that. ❤ I have now took up acrylic painting, something I have wanted to do a very long time! There's healing in it…there's healing in the arts!

    There are going to be days you will feel like you have no direction and others, where you THINK you're going the right direction only for God to redirect you again. lol!! Our job as his saints is to listen and follow. Only He knows where He's leading you, it's our job to listen and follow. Hard sometimes but an exciting journey none the less. 😉

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    1. Hi Darlene! Thank you for this beautiful reflection! You’re so right- we should try to honor God in everything we do. What a great perspective. I’m so glad you’ve found blogging to be such a fruitful outlet for you! Amen to that. Listen and follow. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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      2. Hello again Darlene! Aw thank you. Yeah, I really do appreciate when people take the time to read and respond! It is very humbling. So yeah, I just wanted to say thank YOU for that! They seriously make my day! 🙂 hugs and love to you friend! Happy Tuesday!

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