Sweet Angel

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

My heart is heavy today*.

I woke up this morning to learn that a dear friend, and radiant member of the BBB community, passed away suddenly. She had been battling against the repugnant monster that is anorexia, and it stole her life, way way too soon.

She was radiant in every sense of the word: encouraging, loving, faithful, kind, funny, and truly a warrior.

There is comfort knowing that she is in the sweet embrace of Jesus, without pain and in complete peace. My prayers are with her family in this devastating time.

This harrowing and tragic news really hit me hard. I couldn’t shake it. Not only because we were close, but also because it hit so close to home.

It was a grave reminder that anorexia kills.

It is not some punchline to a joke, or an easy dig on a podcast to get a cheap laugh.

It is a mental illness that has the highest mortality rate among all mental disorders.

This isn’t going to be some soap box for mental illness awareness. Even though it just so happens to be Mental Illness Awareness Week.

I don’t know why bad things happen. Why God allows tragic events to take place. Why we lose loved ones, or get a bad diagnosis. Why there’s infidelity, abandonment, abuse. Why there are shootings, natural disasters, plane crashes. Why does He spare some and not others? I simply do not know.

And it is in times like this where it is easy to shake our fists at God and doubt His existence, doubt His goodness.

And to be honest, that can feel good – Let out all the emotions we have inside. Manifest the hurt and sorrow we feel in rage at the One who supposedly “made it happen.”

Where were you? How could you? Why? Don’t you care? Why didn’t you…Why couldn’t you…Don’t you care at all? 

Sound familiar?

I can’t answer those questions. I don’t think any of us will ever know the answers until we meet our Maker face to face one day.

But I do know that we live in a terribly broken world. One where there are tragedies out there. Not that God plans, but that are a result of the fact we don’t live in the Garden.

But…

We’re not in this alone.

I’m not going to lie, typing these words tonight, it’s taking all of my strength to say these things, as I am so angry and hurt that God called his daughter back to Him so soon. But I have to muster all I can to truly believe that He is in control and He is good.


And there is one image that has been put on my heart, so I will share it.

Imagine a child who is tremendously angry and hurt. She runs to her father and He lifts her up. And she’s furiously kicking and pounding His big strong chest with her little fists. Just getting out all her rage and fury and sadness and everything – until she can’t fight anymore and just collapses in His arms in exhaustion. But she doesn’t fall, because she’s in His arms – just like a little Raggedy Ann doll.

He wants to uphold us. He wants to soothe our hurting spirits. He wants to be our strength. Our lifeline. Our comforter.


Maybe you’re in the kicking and screaming phase of something in your life. Maybe you’ve been in that phase for a long time.

He’s got you.

He is holding you, bearing the force of your cries and anger. He’s taking it, and is loving you through it. We just have to stop for a minute to hear His soothing voice.


There’s nothing flashy today. No funny puns or cat gifs.

Not today.

But even amidst sorrow, there is still hope. Because my friend is free. Free from the pain. Free from the fear. And she is dancing with Jesus tonight in Heaven.

In tragedy, we just have to remember that Jesus was, and is, and is to come.

And He has known suffering. He has walked it. And there is nothing that we’re going through that He hasn’t also gone through. And He is right beside us in our grief, crying with us.

Let Him console you.

*Written Thursday, May 25

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

374 thoughts on “Sweet Angel”

  4. This is really beautiful. I am sorry for your pain and anguish. I remember the first time I ever heard about Anorexia. It was that Karen Carpenter the singer had it, and died from it. I actually didn’t realize until that point that a person could conceivable starve themselves to death voluntarily. I thought and still think that it was a terrible tragedy. She had such a beautiful voice and it was a voice full of life so it just didn’t make any sense. I once had a friend who committed suicide and I remember how unreal it all felt. These events are heartbreaking and there is no other word for it. My friend never really smiled in all the time I knew him his smiles looked like any moment he was going to cry. I have never (thankfully) seen anyone smile like that since who wasn’t actually crying over something. He felt that no one loved him, but mostly I believe that he never learned to love himself. He was in his early 20’s. I am so sorry for you and for your friend’s family.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Charlene. I really appreciate that. Yes, prayers for her family. You’re absolutely right-it is a terrible terrible tragedy. I’m sorry you had to watch your friend go through that. reminders of just how important it is to share love with every person, for we’re all fighting battles in some form or another. Thanks for the love my friend xox

      Liked by 3 people

  7. I am sorry. God hears you and is pleased with your great love. Your post and tribute is beautiful. Prayers…

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  9. My heart breaks with yours. I recently lost my sister, suddenly & unexpectedly to addiction. I know it’s not exactly the same yet there are similarities. Both girls taken too soon. Love, hugs and strength to you.

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  12. I am so sorry hon for your loss I’m sure your sick of hearing this.Thinking of you , stay strong….sometimes as much life can be beautiful it can be unfair. and yes only God knows why ..hugs.

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  14. I’m sorry to hear of your loss. You’re right. Jesus is holding your friend close to His heart. I know that he’s holding you close to his heart. I will pray for your friend and her family.

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  15. It’s awful that this tragedy is such an important reminder to so many (myself included) fighting against the eating disorder. The mortality rate of anorexia seems so much more real once there’s a life attached to it. I’m sure this seemed an impossible post to write, but you did it beautifully, and I hope you know how helpful it is to so many of us.

    Blessings,
    Bridgette

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    1. Hi Bridgette, thank you for the support. Your so right- statistics become much more real when it touches a friend. I so appreciate your kind words. Means a lot. Hugs and love to you xox

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  18. Sister, loved by God. Words can fail during times like this so ill simply say I am so sorry to read of the loss of your friend. Even in this pain I’m so thankful you have the peace that she is with Jesus. Praying that God will be your comfort ❤

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  21. Such a loss for this world. It hits so close to home, and reminds one of Gods grace, healing. My eyes well with tears for you my love. Know The Lord never gives us more tan we can handle, and that we are all praying for her family – and you. 💜

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  22. It is terrible when we lose someone who is close to us from illness. I am so sorry for your lost. I lost a very close family member this year too because they were very sick. I’m still having a hard time with accepting that this family member is not here anymore but I know that they are in a better place free from the pain that they had been struggling with for years. Beautiful post. Sending hugs to you. Take care ❤

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  23. I certainly hope I am not being contrarian and I’m certainly not trying to be. However, I’ve learned one thing in regard to life. It is not God doing or not doing. The heavens are partnership based. It is our decisions that determine outcomes. God gave man dominion in the garden and it’s been that way ever since. We need to understand the laws of the universe and work within them in order to create positive outcomes. Prayer is a small part of that. Positioning ourselves as an act of faith plays a much larger role.
    God doesn’t take us. We make decisions and God often follows through on our decisions, guiding and influencing our thoughts for the positive along the way. Very few get to the point where they listen, where they ask a question in the Spirit and then wait for and hear the still small voice. Without that kind of direction, we are on autopilot, exercising our dominion with God following through according to our direction and will.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hugs and love to you Beauty. You will need them today.
        If your friend was sick and kept moving in that direction, she was making a choice in her soul. Alrighty does not deny these requests. He warns against them, but we always remain sovereign in our choices on this earth plane.
        I hope for your healing in the aftermath. ❤

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  26. Very sorry to hear about the death of your close friend. I don’t pretend to know it all but with the experiences I have had, I understand that God is all good, all knowing and all merciful. What seems so harsh to us is all good in God’s eyes, God knew what was ahead for your friend and at that point, He decided enough!!! I will take over now! I know you feel the pain because you will miss her. But take comfort that He is in control. I know that God doesn’t stop evil from happening but all bad things happen because of the choices of men, not God. God is allowing us to live our lives as we chose it. Many people don’t understand the bigger picture , they want everything now, not caring about the suffering others will have to go through to deliver it. Politics, the economy, greed, drugs, breakdown of family values, hedonism, relativism, secularism………… all these things separate us from God and then life becomes very cloudy and all these things cause us problems either directly or indirectly. Take care and ask Jesus to take away all pain and fear and to replace it with peace, joy and excitement and know that you are a child of God, the most High.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for this reflection. Yes, He is control. I just have to trust and have faith in His goodness, even when it may seem confusing. Peace and joy from Him, for sure. Thank you again for the support. It means a lot. hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  27. It’s amazing that one day all of God’s children, will one day be free, dancing in the beauty of his wonders and love. No matter our sins. God’s grace and love is above everything. Something we will never truly understand until we meet him. Very well said! Mental illness, anger, and all the why’s of this world is something I have dealt with my entire life. But I hold on to the fact, that one day god will reveal all.

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      1. Your so very welcome! That’s what God wants from us all, to love and show the kindness his son did the short time he had here on earth, to everyone. I am actually happy for your friend. She gets to be with the all knowing, loving father like you said embraced in his arms for eternity. 🙂

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  30. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved friend. I remember the pull and grip of an eating disorder that steals joy and hope. I thank Jesus she is free in His arms. Thank you for continuing to shine the light in a dark place. Thank you for reminding others of the goodness of God. Your words produce strength. Great big hugs, love and blessings friend ❤️

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  31. I prayed for her at Exeter mosque. So sad. I am witnessing demise of someone as well. So hard. She can’t do it. But I pray. I pray for her mercy and grace

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  33. Greetings BeautyBeyondBones,
    While I very seldomly write comments, of course here I felt quite compelled to write at least a little something.
    First, please allow me to extend my condolences and respects. Bless your friend’s beautiful Spirit, may she rest in Peace; and Bless your beautiful heart.
    Next, although I cannot claim exactly to be Christian, I would still like to offer an idea, an offering like the rest of the folks here, of and in kindness and care.
    Just prior to our taking on physical forms, we looked at this life, this space, and decided we wanted to give it a try, because the best way to learn about something is to live it. God, in this case, is our Best Friend, the One who knows how things will go but gives the freedom to explore, experience and learn, and perhaps we might share with others something of Good in the course of that learning. He is there, patiently, kindly, lovingly, knowing that along the way there will be those difficult times because learning can be difficult and painful. He waits until you need Him and then He’s there to give comfort and reassurance and all what else we might need to continue on our learning journey.
    I send to you prayers and good thoughts for Blessings of Healing, Peace and Light.
    Blessings…
    Cap’n Toni Old Boi Night Fish with my Coco and Maya pups and All the Animal Kids of the lil Haus….
    Pennsylvania, USA….

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  37. Sorry about your lost. Your post brought me some comfort. I lost my mom over a month ago. Still trying to understand why so soon! But wouldn’t dare question God. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much my friend. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I’m sending you a big big hug through the screen. I know, it’s hard to understand His timing. But I take comfort knowing that we will all be together again one day. Thanks for sharing your heart my friend. Hugs and love xox

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  38. Sorry to hear of this terrible loss. But the encouragement from your post is wonderful. BTW there is a book by C.S. Lewis where he grapples with why terrible things may happen. The title is The Problem with Pain. Peace and comfort to you.

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  42. My condolences to your dear friend. We must always try to remind ourselves that God allows some things to happen for a reason, and even when we’re mad at Him or when we feel like He isn’t near, He is always there. I’m so sorry – sending my prayers.

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  46. Life is like even a vapor, appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Be strong and still. She will be fine. The greatest thing you did to her was to become her friend and that’s already priceless. God bless.

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  47. Jeremiah wrote his “Lamentations.” You have written yours. “Even though He slay me, still will I praise Him.” – Job
    Continue to share your message, your heart, your love… God is using you even as you grieve. Blessings

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey there Wayne, it’s always so nice to “see” your face pop up on my screen. Thank you for this encouraging note. It means a lot. Yes, we must praise Him, even in the storm. I think there’s a song about that ;). hugs and love to you friend xox

      Liked by 1 person

  48. Your post is heartbreakingly beautiful, keep writing- 8 years ago, myself and about 10 others were going through a season of loss, we did a Bible Study by email which eventually I published after 4 years of study! The writing, the telling, the Word brought us through to a greater appreciation for God’s Love when we don’t understand Him! Praying for you and the loved ones of your friend.

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    1. Thank you Camellia. I really appreciate your kind words and support. that’s so great that you were able to find a support network during that time. You’re right – even though we don’t always understand, he does. and i have to trust in His goodness. thanks for stopping by. hugs and love xox

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  50. I’m so sorry your friend died:'(
    This is a beautiful post, I absolutely love it! I can relate 100% to getting mad at God, and that it takes all the strength you can muster to get back to Him.
    Thankyou for spreading love and hope (H)

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