Sweet Angel

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

My heart is heavy today*.

I woke up this morning to learn that a dear friend, and radiant member of the BBB community, passed away suddenly. She had been battling against the repugnant monster that is anorexia, and it stole her life, way way too soon.

She was radiant in every sense of the word: encouraging, loving, faithful, kind, funny, and truly a warrior.

There is comfort knowing that she is in the sweet embrace of Jesus, without pain and in complete peace. My prayers are with her family in this devastating time.

This harrowing and tragic news really hit me hard. I couldn’t shake it. Not only because we were close, but also because it hit so close to home.

It was a grave reminder that anorexia kills.

It is not some punchline to a joke, or an easy dig on a podcast to get a cheap laugh.

It is a mental illness that has the highest mortality rate among all mental disorders.

This isn’t going to be some soap box for mental illness awareness. Even though it just so happens to be Mental Illness Awareness Week.

I don’t know why bad things happen. Why God allows tragic events to take place. Why we lose loved ones, or get a bad diagnosis. Why there’s infidelity, abandonment, abuse. Why there are shootings, natural disasters, plane crashes. Why does He spare some and not others? I simply do not know.

And it is in times like this where it is easy to shake our fists at God and doubt His existence, doubt His goodness.

And to be honest, that can feel good – Let out all the emotions we have inside. Manifest the hurt and sorrow we feel in rage at the One who supposedly “made it happen.”

Where were you? How could you? Why? Don’t you care? Why didn’t you…Why couldn’t you…Don’t you care at all? 

Sound familiar?

I can’t answer those questions. I don’t think any of us will ever know the answers until we meet our Maker face to face one day.

But I do know that we live in a terribly broken world. One where there are tragedies out there. Not that God plans, but that are a result of the fact we don’t live in the Garden.

But…

We’re not in this alone.

I’m not going to lie, typing these words tonight, it’s taking all of my strength to say these things, as I am so angry and hurt that God called his daughter back to Him so soon. But I have to muster all I can to truly believe that He is in control and He is good.


And there is one image that has been put on my heart, so I will share it.

Imagine a child who is tremendously angry and hurt. She runs to her father and He lifts her up. And she’s furiously kicking and pounding His big strong chest with her little fists. Just getting out all her rage and fury and sadness and everything – until she can’t fight anymore and just collapses in His arms in exhaustion. But she doesn’t fall, because she’s in His arms – just like a little Raggedy Ann doll.

He wants to uphold us. He wants to soothe our hurting spirits. He wants to be our strength. Our lifeline. Our comforter.


Maybe you’re in the kicking and screaming phase of something in your life. Maybe you’ve been in that phase for a long time.

He’s got you.

He is holding you, bearing the force of your cries and anger. He’s taking it, and is loving you through it. We just have to stop for a minute to hear His soothing voice.


There’s nothing flashy today. No funny puns or cat gifs.

Not today.

But even amidst sorrow, there is still hope. Because my friend is free. Free from the pain. Free from the fear. And she is dancing with Jesus tonight in Heaven.

In tragedy, we just have to remember that Jesus was, and is, and is to come.

And He has known suffering. He has walked it. And there is nothing that we’re going through that He hasn’t also gone through. And He is right beside us in our grief, crying with us.

Let Him console you.

*Written Thursday, May 25

Published by

Unknown's avatar

beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

374 thoughts on “Sweet Angel”

  3. Thank you for sharing, your strength is astounding, I will be keeping you and the family in my prayers for continual strength and for the Joy of the lord to shower over you all and for his peace to wash over you, and since I dont know any names Ill just blanket it with the BBB situation.

    Like

  4. That is very sad 😦 Whenever anybody that we knew passed on, the only thing we can think about is how God can help guide us through it. That is a mighty big loss and I have nothing but sympathy and prayers for you to get you through this sad time since this person was a regular visitor on this site. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

    Like

    1. Hi john, thank you so much for these kind words. You’re right-God will guide us through it. He always does, even if we don’t understand. I really appreciate the prayers, my friend. Hugs and love to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I am sooooo sorry for your loss!!! But I feel and understand every feeling you have expressed. That’s how I felt when my father passed away even worst . But somehow he uplifts me . God is good even when we don’t understand what he’s up too. Stay strong my love

    Like

  6. Such heartfelt words. So much love here. I’m not the best at knowing what to say when bad things happen, but I’m thinking of you and of your friend and all the lives that her soul touched. She continues to touch people now through your writing. You have left a beautiful testament to her, and to all the others who have silently lost the battle with this dreadful and so often misunderstood disease.

    Like

  7. I am so sorry to read this my friend. I know it hurts and the questions do mount up fast. You just never know. I have had times even in my bleak existence where I live where misdiagnosis and wrong medications taken for something i did not have that mixed horribly with my normal light pain killers and sleep medication wrecked havoc on me. i could not walk straight, bear to turn in bed, walking to the bathroom 6 feet away was a challenge and I was unable to make it downstairs to get any food. I have a selfish sister that I asked for days, can you bring some food up as I am unstable and my footing is unsure. She did not a friend that had seen me a week earlier saw me looking like I was about to die. I had lost 6 pounds in a week and a half but then lost 28 in a week. Not because I wasn’t hungry, I could barely muster the strength to get out of bed. I had to throw my keys outside to my friend a pretty small 5 foot 2 ex marine and she all but carried me to her car and got me situated with plenty of food in my room. Sometimes you never know how bad off you are until someone tells you or cares enough to notice. I know you noticed and I feel awful for you. I know you will rebound as you are one of the most positive people on here.

    Like

    1. Thank you for sharing this. Wow, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I’m glad that you made it through and that you had that special friend. it sounds like you’re stronger for it. Sending hugs and love my friend. Xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sending them right back to you my friend Xox. I would tell you more but you would think I was making it up.

        Like

      3. Well I am basically trapped in my room all week, for a month plus now my sister has locked all appliances bc her bf is paying her bills and wants me gone. I am somewhat disabled if not for short periods. I am going through a lot of testing. Have massive tears in both shoulders and I know all the protocols to fix them and I have to deal with being kicked out after her causing me to lose all of my clients. Then a hit n run accident caused me the medications and then no car, no clients and found a job run by a junkie for a year and now back at square minus one as I am far less able and am facing her mistreating the dog and blaming me and I am blamed for a fake cps case, started by her bf and he stalks me on here. It has been a nightmare and I have nowhere else to go until I get lucky, caught up and past it. Until then I am almost trapped in my room to avoid a fight that would happen intentionally. So I spend weekends packed with lots of snacks. I am considering bringing my 30 year old microwave into my room.

        Like

      5. Thank you…I am trying. I have a long week ahead to boot. A lot of dr appointments and hard riding. Not looking forward to a Nuclear Pet Scan Friday.

        Like

  8. Dear Beauty, if I may answer your questions as to why things like this happen; recall your last post when I quoted Jesus on those that died under the Tower of Siloam. It’s a sinful world. Period. Earth is Satan’s because of it. Why does God do things like take your friend? Well, it’s more like He caught her when Satan and sin took her from Earth.

    I’ve pounded on God’s chest a few times myself. When we do, we’re going after the wrong guy. I’m just glad He’s big enough and loving enough to take it. With a smile. I’d say go after Satan, but there’s nothing but bad news there. When God says “Vengeance is mine” the reference is to people and not taking things into our own hands. Satan is too powerful for us to get in the ring with.

    Not so with God. How about, when we’re done pounding on God’s loving chest, we look up into those big, liquid eyes, wipe our nose, and ask Him to give that pointy tail an extra kick? Just for your friend. I’m sure He will.

    With respect, His love, and affection, I am yours in Christ,
    Jeff

    Like

    1. Hi Jeff, thank you for this. You’re right-not so with God. And amen for that. Although that’s sometimes hard to believe in difficult times, it is always always true. Thanks as always for your kind and encouraging words. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing so movingly and powerfully about our Lord of love’s Presence with us, walking beside us in in our darkest valleys on nail-pierced feet. I pray for comfort for you, and all our dear sister’s family, in your grief.

    Rest eternal grant to your beloved daughter, O Lord, and let light perpetual shine upon her.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Pastor Ferguson. I appreciate your kind words. Yes, we have to rely on His love and trust that she’s in His arms right now. Thanks for the prayers. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  10. Just 2 thoughts…and then I will hold your grief gently in my heart.

    1). Timothy Keller has written an informative and satisfying book titled “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering,” in which he explains that we, in our finite minds cannot know the infinite mind of God.

    2). Years ago, at a funeral for a precious 18 month old baby girl, the wise minister forewent the usual rant (“the deceased would want you to …”) and instead reminded the confused and grief stricken that, at times like this, it’s best just to hunch up close to Jesus.

    Bless your heart. I hurt for you, dear.

    Like

  12. I am so sorry for your loss. I was so moved by the image of the little girl and her Daddy. I have seen this very image with my daughters and their Daddy. It struck a cord. He has you in His capable, loving arms. ❤

    Like

  13. A honourable grace received is paved with a suffering heart with blood, sweat and tears, my humble appreciative opinion, thanks for being a strong warrior with true love.

    Like

  14. I’m so sorry for your loss. You and her family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Im a firm believer everything happens for a reason, but when it comes to sudden passings of loved ones, they really feel senseless sometimes. It might be too soon, but one conclusion I came to is it’s to create more love in the world. Bring people together so we can share and hear each other and know we’re not alone. Best.

    Like

  16. Oh how I needed to read this today. I am so sorry for your loss but know that in posting so truthfully you are helping. Or to say it better, God is using you to help…. thank you. x

    Like

  17. You need to charge a dime for every comment you reply to! Your responsiveness is awesome!

    Sorry to read this story. Life is such a beautiful gift, and I can accuse my own self of not recognizing it as such many times.

    By the way – why the anonymity? Did I miss a post on that?

    Like

    1. Thank you friend. That made me smile:) I appreciate your supportive and kind words. You’re so right, life truly is a gift. The anonymity is just because my history has a lot of darkness with the anorexia in my past. And it is not something that I carry with me in my current life. It had been a shadow that I wanted to break free from. Plus, it doesn’t just affect me, but my family too, and they have asked for me to remain anonymous. Someday I will work up the courage to come forward, but until then, I’m just BBB. 🙂 thanks for asking. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  18. This is so precious. This is SO real and I see so much trust in God’s plan, despite the fact that we do not always understand His purposes. It’s like a little child who doesn’t always know why their father or mother loves them in a tough way, but we trust them. How much more can we trust our Heavenly Father Who wants to present us holy and blameless before His presence. This was humbling and I’m so very grateful that you shared from the very depths of your heart. Katie will be missed so so much, and I can’t wait to see her again. Meanwhile, we fight, and HOPE in God!

    Like

    1. Hi Emily, thank you for this beautiful response. You’re so right- we fight and we hope in Him. Yes, Katie was a beautiful soul in every sense of the word and will be greatly missed. But you’re right-we will see her one day. And I trust that she’s in Jesus’s loving embrace right now in peace and in freedom. Sending you a big hug my friend. Xox

      Like

  19. Your loss is our loss, B 😦 my prayers are going out for you and her family ❤ and you're so right that this isn't the end for her – hang on to that even when it doesn't feel like it

    Like

      1. As I was contemplating further I found the words to the song River by Bluetree going through my mind:

        There’s a river of love that’s here
        There’s a river of grace that’s here
        You’re invited to come and swim within

        Fresh winds are blowing
        Fresh winds are coming here
        The tide it is rising
        And The Spirit is moving
        He’s moving

        But particularly the chorus:

        Death to the past it’s gone
        Here’s to a new beginning
        Our God’s not finished yet with us
        Death to the past it’s gone
        Here’s to a new beginning
        Your God’s not finished yet with you

        And it makes me think of what Paul said to the Philippians, ‘To me, to live is Christ, to die is gain,’ because the real death already took place at the cross, we joined in that death and resurrection when we first believed and it’s harder to lose that life than it is to gain it (:

        Like

  21. Sometimes There are no real answers, but realizing that we have free will/free moral agency I think in THAT is The key To The WHY Things happen. And yes other Times HE does Take our loved ones early…earlier Than we like. Earlier Than we expect. But To know That HE sees The Greater Picture and we see only a fragment I think is another big key. When a family member was suddenly quite young taken in a car accident I remember ….WHY was on all our minds. We wondered if we were being punished. And so many other similar Thoughts passed Through our minds. I will ALWAYS and forever until I Too go…miss her. And dearly! We buried her praising HIM Through The Tears and deep mourning. With a harp in The wind….cherish her and hold on To The sweet memory of who she was while here! HE has a different and better plan for us all. Better Than any of us can even begin To imagine. We Think of Things in a smaller scale and much more simple Than HIS plans for US! Let HIM dream big for you! Give HIM The reins and HE will open The way…Hugs!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this my friend. I really appreciate your kind and encouraging words. You’re so right-we can only see the smaller scale. We’ve got to trust in His plans for us. Easier said than done. Thanks again friend. Have a beautiful evening. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No problem. They say Time heals all wounds. I say That Time makes The wound easier To bear… BIG HUGS

        Like

  22. I’m really sorry for your loss! I lost a dear friend last year to a mental illness, and I know how painful these words must have been for you. What a beautiful way to honor your friend 🙂

    Like

  24. There are days when I read one of your posts, and you become my sweet angel. Today is one of those days. Thanks.

    Like

  27. So sorry to hear of your loss. The questions you ask are of course appropriate yet inscruitable. In the same mysterious way, even at this time, Christ promises us that all who mourn will be comforted. In some unimaginable way, are blessed. What is true is that you had the wonderful opportunity to know this person, even though it means a time of loss at this point. I did not have that blessing in this life yet look forward to the meeting I am sure will happen as we share eternity together. Thanks for stopping by hisnamebpraised and liking the post. Blessings and peace to you in the Name of Jesus Christ. Doug

    Like

  29. My condolences for you and her family. You spoke honorably. God doesn’t cause darkness, He lifts you up. There will come a time for the new world and the new heaven. All of this blah has been foretold in the bible. He will make all things new and better. Have a peaceful night knowing your friend is safe. Love, Petra

    Like

  32. I don’t seem to have the words to say how sorry I am. To lose someone close like this, who shared the same struggle that you have opened up to us so intimately, my heart goes out to you.
    I think because of living with depression, I identify strongly with the way you describe your path to recovery and how important God has been in it. Sometimes I have been that angry child as well, kicking and screaming while God quietly takes everything I dish out and then upholds me when I’ve spent all my rage and tears. I don’t know how I could have gotten this far if He hadn’t been there at those moments.
    People die from depression, usually because they kill themselves. I don’t know why God doesn’t spare them, or why He keeps giving me what I need to keep going, but you inspire me to use my experiences and writing to reach out to others in the struggle and try to somehow help them before they reach the point of no return.

    Like

  35. Heartfelt condolences on your loss…losing someone we love and care about is like having a hole punched in our hearts. Last summer, something particularly awful happened to someone I cherish in my family and I found myself, like you, asking the “why” questions of our Lord. Isaiah 55:8 helped me get past that part and brought me great peace and comfort. I pray the same for you,angel. Much Love, P.

    Like

  37. Wow so sorry for your loss. To live as Christ, to die is gain. That’s a hard pill to swallow when its a young person, a close friend or family member. It’s so hard to be in situations where we shake our fists heavenward and question “why”. But He has broad shoulders and understands us when we don’t understand Him. In a situation like that now….not having lost a dear friend….but painful in it’s own way. I wonder why it doesn’t look as tho things are getting better, in fact, look in my mind as if the situation is getting worse. Why? I don’t know, and we aren’t supposed…that’s the thing cuz that’s where faith and trust live. Again, so sorry for your loss….praying peace for your spirit!!

    Like

    1. Hi there friend, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. Yes, He really does have broad shoulders and will comfort us. I’m so sorry you’re also going through a tough period. Sending lots of hugs and prayers to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your always welcome BBB and you do so much for us. You send arm hugs our way. You reply to our comments. The least least least we can do for you is to let you know we care

        Like

  42. Big hug I can feel your loss flowing like a waterfall. God sees the pain and he cries as the disease takes the person, but he never gives up loving them. Your friend is safe in his arms now, free from the mental torment that has invaded their life. Yes it was too soon and there will be a lot of pain associated with this tragedy – God knows and understands and will bring comfort if we trust him. Our strength is not enough that is why we need God.

    Like

  44. I’ve been behind on my reading, so I’m catching up. I’m so, so, so sorry for the lost of your dear friend. Thank you for being obedient to God and sharing that lovely image of a strong father and crying daughter. I will be praying for you. In Celebrate Recovery, we always read the entire Serenity Prayer, which says “Hardships are the pathway to peace.” God’s peace is greater than our lack of understanding. Hugs to you.

    Like

      1. The whole prayer is so beautiful and respectful of such sadness – not in anyway minimizing our hardships. It helps me feel closer to God. Hugs right back to you brave girl!

        Like

  46. Yes! what a wonderful way to honor your friend celebrate life and lean on The Rock of Our Salvation. God bless you with Peace

    Like

  49. This is truly awful. What a loss for you, for her family, for everyone who knew her. I’m just so sorry. You wrote a lovely tribute for your friend and you softly reminded us that God is always with us; just like He is with her. May peace settle around all us grieving souls–

    Like

  50. this just gave me another reason to recover; it is a grave reminder about the destruction this disorder causes. Im so sorry for your loss, much love xx

    Like

Leave a reply to asplashofcreativity15 Cancel reply