The Self Help Sham

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

One of my favorite things to do in NYC is just wander around.

Especially now that it’s warm out, I like to just put on my sun hat and get lost for a few hours on a Saturday.

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There’s never a lack of things to do or explore.

Like just the other day, I happened upon a person playing the didgeridoo.

The didgeridoo.

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On the street corner. Busking.

Like, you were able to smuggle that thing all the way from Australia, and yet here you are busking for money? How’d ya swing that?

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But on those exploration afternoons, somehow, I always seem to end up at my favorite frozen yogurt shop. Which just so happens to be next to a big bookstore.

You guys…

It hurts my heart to think that actual bookstores are becoming extinct.

Seriously. Enough of this E-Reader crap. Let’s get back to real, hard bound, turn-the-page books!

Who am I kidding, I haven’t read a book in who knows how long. I never even read a book throughout high school. #CliffNotesForLife

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But, that being said — I like to go into bookstores.

So, many a Saturday, I’ll meander around the three levels of Barnes & Noble, ice cream in hand, and people watch, browse, title skim, and just watch the literate in their native habitat.

But one thing that just boggles my mind is how many Self Help books there are.

Seriously.

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It is a billion dollar industry.

Everyone from Jessica Simpson, to Jenny McCarthy, to Ozzy Osbourne, to Steve Harvey has authored a self help book.

And, I don’t mean to be cynical, but self help books…kind of make me angry.

Now don’t get me wrong, I read The Purpose Driven Life and loved it. (Albeit 2004).

And I understand that a lot of people have really “gotten a lot” out of these self help books.

But in my humble opinion: self help books are a bunch of crap only scratch the surface.


During my recovery from anorexia, I tried everything. I bathed myself in positive affirmations. I worked on mindfulness. Therapeutic crafting and adult coloring. I practiced positive thinking. Journaled. Set goals. Broke goals. Gave up on goals. Ripped up said goal calendars.

I tried every “self help trick” in the book.

Nothing truly made me free. Nothing broke through the chains of ED addiction and fear and destruction.

Only one thing: Only God.

I was reminded of this just the other night.

I had reached my breaking point.

Yes, I am strong in my recovery, but every once in a blue moon, I get tired of being strong.

Looking in the mirror, my face stained black with mascara, eyes swollen and distant, I allowed myself to just cry.

To Him.

And I remembered something that I had momentarily forgotten amid the chaos that life can so easily become:

I cannot do this on my own. 

I cannot “self-help” my way out of the trials and the heartaches of life. There is nothing I can do but just cry to my Savior that I need rescuing. Need guidance. Need Him. 

Maybe you can relate, but I know at least for me personally, I sometimes feel as though I cannot be real with God. I have to present to Him only the best parts of me. Only the polished, healed, well-spoken parts of my soul.

But what about the broken parts? The parts that need healing? The parts that a self-help book can’t fix. Why is it that those parts of my soul — the parts that need the most healing — are the parts that I am the the most resistant to reveal to Him. To hand over to Him?

That is the part of my spirit that Jesus longs to heal. That He so desperately wants to shine His love into so that the brokenness can mend.


But He’s not going to force Himself where He’s not invited.

In order for His healing power and healing love to be able to penetrate into my spirit, I have to surrender it. I have to be willing to say, “God, help.”

Not “Self, help.”

But “God, help.”

He’ll take care of the rest.


Self help books, sure, they can offer some good advice. Some ways to alleviate stress, relax, organize your life, boost your confidence, declutter your home.

But they can’t heal.

Only God can do that.

I should know.

“God, help.”

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

400 thoughts on “The Self Help Sham”

  2. Everyone is different. I have had the completely opposite experience with personal development books. I think the main benefit you can get from them is motivation to stay positive and do what you need to do, but some of my books have actively changed my life around. There are a lot of crappy self-help books out there. I’d say probably 90% of them are just people trying to make a quick buck selling common sense, but there are gems. 🙂

    Whatever helps you be the best version of yourself is worth it though. People certainly need much more than books to do that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend! You’re absolutely right. Everyone is different and what works for one may not for another. And there are some gems out there:) gotta weed through a little bit to find them, but it’s true. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Beautiful post. And I agree, though I must admit I went through a stage of buying many self-help books myself. The last few years though I’ve realised that strength and help and healing can only come from within. In the end, words in books are just that. Hugs and good wishes to you for a happy weekend. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Alright Ive got this thought for you…
    We had the so-called dark ages, where they burned books so we don’t have a great/perfect idea of what that time period was like, right? But now that everything is digitalized, and only available online, will future generations know anything about us?
    I’m serious haha – we have letters from people hundreds of years ago, but now we write emails…which get deleted after xyz amount of time. Same with online documents and websites. Will we be an enigma in 100 years? 200 years? 1000 years?
    Anyway, hope you’re having a good day

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I have an honest question. I’m not trying to be negative, I just want to know, because it’s what I struggle with. How many times have you cried to GOD before getting the healing and help. I think I have cried asking for help 10’s if not hundred’s of thousands of times, but my brain (or body) is still broken. I still struggle daily, weekly, monthly, yearly with depression so debilitating that I completely loose control of myself, taking my emotions out on others- especially my loved ones- and especially when it’s the last thing I actually want to do; and so extreme that I have almost lost my life several times because death would simply make the pain stop- I hurt so badly that I just want it to stop, more than anything else. I want nothing more than to be healed and every time one of those things I mentioned has happened I end up crying to god asking for healing. Yet it has never come for me. I just want to know why, have I not cried enough times. Have I not hurt others enough times, have I not hurt myself enough times to matter. Why can’t I find that healing I so desperately want and need. I have begged, pleaded, tried to make deals. Nothing. I agree with you the self-help books are not the answer because I too have tried all of those as well. Doctors and drugs can’t even fix it. It seems in all the universe there is no healing for me, and it just makes me wonder what I did wrong to deserve this. There’s never even been anything or anyone talk me out of suicide. I have always done it myself. I make there be a reason that I shouldn’t succumb to the pain relief it would bring, and I wonder how many more times I will be successful at that. I genuinely wish I knew the answer, because I really do want the pain to stop, I often wonder if I know what happy even feels like because I have to dig so deep to think of moments that I feel were happy moments, and often the depression even clouds those. I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, I just wish I could find my healing answer.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. If I may offer this from St. Paul, 2 Corinthians 12: “7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

      While it may not be the answer any of us seeks, it is His answer. My daughter suffers from depression, anxiety, Asperger’s, epilepsy, etc. I’m familiar with just how painful these things can be. I have depression myself. But we continue to pray, we continue to work away at it with the strength God gives.

      I can’t imagine how tough that was for Paul. He healed the sick, raised people from the dead, but he couldn’t get healing for himself!! Keep praying, keep trusting God that He won’t abandon you!!

      Liked by 3 people

    2. I knew a girl who suffered from arthritis, in her teen years (and still does in her early 30s) she cried out to God for healing for many years, but nothing happened there was no healing in sight at least not the way she wanted. She decided that God wasn’t for her so she walked away from him. Years later she reconnected to God and he did heal her. All those years she was seeking healing for her body God wanted to restore her soul, but she couldn’t understand that. It takes complete surrender to God for him to heal us on the inside. Today she still has arthritis, she got married and has 3 kids. Believe in Him in spite of what is happening. I know this is not what you are dealing with but I believe God is with you and it was in those of your darkest hours that he stepped in. I will be saying a prayer for you.

      Liked by 5 people

    3. tcailleach , reading your comments, I had tears in my eyes. I hear you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and heal your pain, but this is outside of my power. I feel compelled to tell you that I’ve been there in that black hole of despair desperate to find an end to the intense pain that comes of not feeling good enough and not feeling like I matter. I think you have every right to feel upset and angry that you haven’t found the answers despite working so hard to find them. It’s exhausting, I know, and no one but you knows the pain that you are going through, but I can say that I have experienced that kind of hopelessness that comes with ongoing emotional distress, and so I am compelled to reach out to you. I want to say that you are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can reach me at lshawn77@gmail.com

      Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Wayne! Thank you so much for this insight. You’re so right-there’s some good “stuff” in them-positive things for sure. But true healing is from him. Great to “see” you friend! Hugs and love xox

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  10. This is an amazing post! You have so much insight and speak the truth. I often forget that I don’t have to handle it all on my own. This was a great reminder to look to God! Thank you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I just recently wrote on my white board “I don’t have this”. It is a reminder to myself that on my own, I can only make it so far. With God, I can go as far as He will take me. That is the where I want to get to. Thanks for your thoughts….enjoy reading them.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I just bought The Purpose Driven Life! I haven’t even read it yet. Should I ask Amazon for my money back?

    Seriously, though…good post. Nay, great post. We all want to improve our lot in life, but like you say, we need to ask the one who can heal and help, rather than try to do it all ourselves. We can only get so far without Him.

    But I’m not giving up my Kindle. 🙂 Thanks for this, and for all your posts!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. This reminded me of a quotation from Parker Palmer: ‘wholeness is the goal, but wholeness does not mean perfection, it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of your life.’

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I actually used this quotation in a meeting I presented on inner-strength, and what it means to ‘be a tiger.’ Parker Palmer has said some really brilliant things; this particular one was from “Living From the Inside Out.” I hope you’re having a nice day. =)

        Like

  16. Interesting post, and I get what you are saying 🙂 But I think for me it is more accurate as something like this- self help books, any book, animals, other people and relationships, nature, jobs, therapy of any kind, education, etc., can all be resources God uses. I think we limit His ability for healing ourselves/others if we are the ones deciding how and what that should be for others.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend! Thank you so much for this reflection. You’re right-there’s a lot of good that can be extracted from self help books, but He Is the ultimate healer. Very true. And thank you for the tag! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Amen sister…I couldn’t agree with you more… Only God can heal… Yes doctors etc but their power whether they believe it or not is given to them by God. It always goes back to God… I was just having this same conversation with the Lord tonight and asked Him for the grace to truly let go and let Him… Wonderful post…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Ellie! This is so true. There really is a lot of good in SH books, but you’re right-God tends the flame. I absolutely love that. Thanks for stopping by! I always love to “see” your face pop up! Hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  24. I’ve always loved your blog. It is such an inspiration, and the first and only anorexia recovery resource I’ve found that is biblical. Thank you for everything you’ve done.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. This was spot on! Self help books can be helpful, but they too often promise to bring healing and recovery. They can ‘help’; but they are not the ultimate healing. Only God can bring that.
    Also, they so often promise “overnight” results. “Get help fast…”
    When my husband was assaulted, it took me years to overcome the fear, anxiety, and pain. Recovering from an ED took years as well. But God walked with me every single step of the way.
    The Bible is ultimately THE self-help book. It points us to the One who can heal and provide peace. And although this world we live in is filled with pain and struggle, God walks with us every single step of the way. Although both painful experiences took so long to recover from, they made me stronger… and they gave me greater understanding of other’s suffering, which makes me more empathetic and loving.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Spot on, Beauty! With everything “printed in electrons, “The Man” doesn’t have to burn any books. Just hit “Delete!” OOOPS!!

    I could not study in today’s colleges with everything on line. A lot of the prompts for information had to do with whether it was on the right or left page, top, bottom, middle. No such clues when scrolling.

    How cool on the instrument from Australia! I have a friend from Australia whom I haven’t seen in 10+ years. He’s bringing his wife with him to the states the end of September. New York City. We’ll be meeting them there. See the email I’d sent you.

    Like

  31. What a wonderful post. I am in belief that it is in complete surrender that God heals our brokenness. I am learning that I can be naked and unashamed before my maker. It is the honesty and intimacy that he wants to share with us. I made a comment to a reply that you had.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend! Thanks for this insight. You’re so right- community, and a supportive community- is so so important. It means the world. That’s why I’m so grateful for friends like you! 🙂 hugs and love xox

      Like

  34. Amen. I think the problem is that, in an attempt to appeal to as many people as possible, many self-help books take spiritual truths and try to explain them in secular terms. So instead of trusting in God’s promises, we’re told to “think positive.” The approximation may work . . . up to a point. But if you want the real deal, I think you gotta get a Catholic self-help book. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  37. I just wanted to take a minute to say.how incredibly wise and inspiring you are. I started my own blog a few months ago and I found your blog’s few weeks ago. You’re posts are everything I yearn for mine to be. I come to your blog when my heart is heavy and I am in need of encouraging. I’m praying that God continues to bless you for the sweet woman you are!

    Liked by 1 person

  41. I love your writing!!! Bringing life back to me, right on dude. Yeah, wandering, sondering, the best. I’d been gettin so obsessed with always having a destination, yet wandering always would settle that and still does. Maybe that’s part of us having wanderlust, a natural balance. I really like your posts though, I am a little fearful from time to time about making mine too lax, right on.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. But yea man reading is the bomb diggity, I’ve been working at a call center where I get to read, write, or draw (or just sit) between calls. Well, I hadn’t really read much at all recent years but since I have started working at this call center, reading has swept me away once again. perfect gif

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Another thought-provoking entry!

    I’ll admit it: I love ebooks. No more cramming books into a tiny living space for me! Now I can carry around thousands on my phone.

    And I understand where you’re coming from with the self-help vs. G-d help. I’m a fan of certain self-help books; wary of others. Our religious backgrounds are a little different, but I subscribe to the theory that it’s best to work (on ourselves or anything else) like it all depends on us, and pray like it all depends on G-d.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. This is such an amazing post. So often I get scared that God only wants to see my good qualities, and I only give half of my heart to him in my prayers and other things. But thank God you have written how to solve that problem 🙂 I especially love that last picture you put up “Give yourself permission to ask for help.”
    Beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much:) so often I find myself unwilling to ask for help for a myriad of silly reasons, but when I do for just makes it all worth it. And o think he gives us people in our lives to help us through the day to day. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  48. It’s hard to believe you are so young. If only I had that same wisdom at your age. It took me forever to accept that God accepted me, that his hand was/is all I need. I know your previous heart has been through a lot the last week, and this post has let me know you’re healing, and aware of how precious and loved YOU are.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much for such positive and encouraging words. It really means a lot. Yes, God has been working on my heart and I am so grateful for His love. Thanks for your kindness and support. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

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