The Self Help Sham

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

One of my favorite things to do in NYC is just wander around.

Especially now that it’s warm out, I like to just put on my sun hat and get lost for a few hours on a Saturday.

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There’s never a lack of things to do or explore.

Like just the other day, I happened upon a person playing the didgeridoo.

The didgeridoo.

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On the street corner. Busking.

Like, you were able to smuggle that thing all the way from Australia, and yet here you are busking for money? How’d ya swing that?

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But on those exploration afternoons, somehow, I always seem to end up at my favorite frozen yogurt shop. Which just so happens to be next to a big bookstore.

You guys…

It hurts my heart to think that actual bookstores are becoming extinct.

Seriously. Enough of this E-Reader crap. Let’s get back to real, hard bound, turn-the-page books!

Who am I kidding, I haven’t read a book in who knows how long. I never even read a book throughout high school. #CliffNotesForLife

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But, that being said — I like to go into bookstores.

So, many a Saturday, I’ll meander around the three levels of Barnes & Noble, ice cream in hand, and people watch, browse, title skim, and just watch the literate in their native habitat.

But one thing that just boggles my mind is how many Self Help books there are.

Seriously.

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It is a billion dollar industry.

Everyone from Jessica Simpson, to Jenny McCarthy, to Ozzy Osbourne, to Steve Harvey has authored a self help book.

And, I don’t mean to be cynical, but self help books…kind of make me angry.

Now don’t get me wrong, I read The Purpose Driven Life and loved it. (Albeit 2004).

And I understand that a lot of people have really “gotten a lot” out of these self help books.

But in my humble opinion: self help books are a bunch of crap only scratch the surface.


During my recovery from anorexia, I tried everything. I bathed myself in positive affirmations. I worked on mindfulness. Therapeutic crafting and adult coloring. I practiced positive thinking. Journaled. Set goals. Broke goals. Gave up on goals. Ripped up said goal calendars.

I tried every “self help trick” in the book.

Nothing truly made me free. Nothing broke through the chains of ED addiction and fear and destruction.

Only one thing: Only God.

I was reminded of this just the other night.

I had reached my breaking point.

Yes, I am strong in my recovery, but every once in a blue moon, I get tired of being strong.

Looking in the mirror, my face stained black with mascara, eyes swollen and distant, I allowed myself to just cry.

To Him.

And I remembered something that I had momentarily forgotten amid the chaos that life can so easily become:

I cannot do this on my own. 

I cannot “self-help” my way out of the trials and the heartaches of life. There is nothing I can do but just cry to my Savior that I need rescuing. Need guidance. Need Him. 

Maybe you can relate, but I know at least for me personally, I sometimes feel as though I cannot be real with God. I have to present to Him only the best parts of me. Only the polished, healed, well-spoken parts of my soul.

But what about the broken parts? The parts that need healing? The parts that a self-help book can’t fix. Why is it that those parts of my soul — the parts that need the most healing — are the parts that I am the the most resistant to reveal to Him. To hand over to Him?

That is the part of my spirit that Jesus longs to heal. That He so desperately wants to shine His love into so that the brokenness can mend.


But He’s not going to force Himself where He’s not invited.

In order for His healing power and healing love to be able to penetrate into my spirit, I have to surrender it. I have to be willing to say, “God, help.”

Not “Self, help.”

But “God, help.”

He’ll take care of the rest.


Self help books, sure, they can offer some good advice. Some ways to alleviate stress, relax, organize your life, boost your confidence, declutter your home.

But they can’t heal.

Only God can do that.

I should know.

“God, help.”

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

400 thoughts on “The Self Help Sham”

  2. Again, you hit the nail right between the eyes. I think self help books are so extremely popular today simply because people want to think that they don’t need God or that they themselves are God and that they can heal themselves. What they actually end up doing is lowering the bar to fit their ability. And its profitable. You can make a lot of money telling other people how easy it is to make a lot of money, telling other people how to make a lot of money.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have such disdain for self-help books now…
    Your post on the topic is timely for me. I just ran across this Pixee Fox gal that is intent on changing her physique to resemble that of an Anime heroine. THIS is the logical conclusion of all self-help fodder– we try to make ourselves into something other than ourselves.
    The wisdom that Ive gathered on my journey, may or may not help you. That’s the thing– God loves diversity:)
    But when vulnerable people try on other’s wisdom in wholesale fashion…. The result is an ill-fitting garb. Or, mutilating one’s self to fit into another’s ideal.

    Only God can assist us in our own journey to fulfillment. Others can cheer us along, but it really does boil down to our individual need for a personal relationship with our Creator.
    We are all unique. Let’s never loose sight of that;)

    Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you so much for the wisdom you’ve shared here. So so true. We are all unique. And if all boils down to our relationship with the father. Amen to that! Thanks for sharing your wonderful insight. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Great post 🙂 You know in a lot of ways (at least in my opinion) I feel that self-help gurus have become a victim of their own success. I mean people buy their books thinking everything will be solved in a heartbeat, but in actuality, that is not what those books set out to do. Instead, they were written to remind whoever buys them that the writer of those books are like the best friend they never meet. In other words, they arguably write as If they were an average joe like their self (only richer than the person who buys their books). Personally, I do not need those kind of books, but I do enjoy reading a snippet If I am in a bookstore or I am searching on a book store site that allows me to view sample pages for website visitors. My advice to people out their is to do two things: get in touch with God and do not look at self-help gurus as Gods and instead treat them as nothing more than a good or great friend. This is just my two cents personally 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

    P.S. did you have a great Memorial day? I did 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi John! Thank you for sharing your wisdom:) seriously I love how you think. Your two cents are spot on : get in touch with the Big Guy, and treat them as friends. Very good advice. Yes it was a great Memorial Day! Bring on summer! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This is gorgeous. I love your openness. And this. “But in my humble opinion: self help books are a bunch of crap only scratch the surface.” I even got a giggle. Totally agree. Time to let God help and surrender to Him. Only in Him is there true peace and release. x

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Reblogged this on The Prozac Queen's Court and commented:
    Even though I don’t have the same issues the author does, I can definitely relate. Self-help books never did anything for me. I have to remember to seek God…I might get so wrapped up in my own BS that I forget to pray or ask, but ultimately I know that everything good comes from Him…the meds I take, the talent of the doctors I visit, the counsel of my friends…I might not recognize it or acknowledge it-frankly I’ve been more inclined to hit the doctors up because I know I have a medical problem, not a spiritual one-, but all good things come from Him in the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I love to read so self help books are a great way to get the process started or even stay in a posture of healing – but it’s gotta be about God.

    I used to work at B&N and that store sounds awesome. Oh, I also now want ice cream…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Jonathan, thank you so much for this response. Haha sorry to spark your sweet tooth! Haha you’re right-there’s some good stuff out there, but ultimately it is about God. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  19. The NYPL is a great place to wander too. B&N is a good choice too. Self help is a form of denial, itself wrapped in a shiny cover. Its good to believe, it helps to see the cracks in our armor.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. You don’t need to worry about me, anymore, Beebs. I can die happy now. I don’t need your preaching, your Jesus, etc. I found a pearl worth more than it all. I can die happy now. Chau chau.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I never feel your hugs, Beebs. I’m sorry. I just have no imagination. Words don’t leave imprints in the skin like bites and bruises would.

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      4. Te soñé, Beebs, pero no te reconocía por tus fotos. Eras mas alta de lo que me acostumbro. Cococí tu extrema humildad sin ser creída ni de ti ni de tus dones. No debo contarte todo el sueno para que no me des una cachetada, pero igual no sentire la cachetada igual como tus palabras de abrazos.

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      6. Ah, Beebs, I do, too. Don’t we all? You know, what I most miss about New York is the fried bananas, or I guess, plantains, as they are called, that I first tasted there…It was about a dream. But that’s alright. What does it matter? Nothing matters, anyway.

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      8. Yea, I can’t say you’ve actually lived in New York City until you’ve had Cuban rice–arroz a la Cubana, the which is with fried plantain. Don’t boil it. I tried that. It doesn’t work. I’m speaking by experience. I just believe the fried plantains, when they are fried, have an exquisite taste. Sometimes that’s all I feel like eating.

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      12. Beebs, I’ll send you my story if you really want to hear it. It’s crude and uncensored, though. You’ll probably never forgive me. Do you still want it? Where do I send it? I’m not going to put it public. If you do put it public, that’s up to you. But I ask you not to.

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      14. Okay, I’ll try that. I need a break from my toil and muddle. You say, beautybeyondbones@yhaoo.com? Did I get that right? Is that an email that you actually read, or is it a ghost/redundant account? Sorry. You don’t need to answer that, I guess. I was just curious.

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      15. I do know someone who speaks good Spanish, a good friend of mine. Maybe someday she’ll teach me.

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  23. What I love – apart from agreeing with everything you wrote – is that while others teach the theory (and there’s nothing wrong with that) you have lived (and are still living) the practice. You don’t just believe *in theory* that only God can sort you out, you KNOW it in practice! That’s so powerful and once more I’m typing through my tears (God does that to me as one way of saying, “This is so right!”).
    We all need to hear this! Thank you so much!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Stephen, wow thank you so much for this wonderfully encouraging note. You have no idea how much it means to me. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. And thanks again for the reblog. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  24. Reblogged this on イエスの弟子 … A student-apprentice and commented:
    This is such a great post from someone who is not merely “talking the talk” but “walking the walk” with all its pain and difficulty and knows that only God can heal our brokenness.

    “Why is it that those parts of my soul — the parts that need the most healing — are the parts that I am the the most resistant to reveal to Him. To hand over to Him?

    “That is the part of my spirit that Jesus longs to heal. That He so desperately wants to shine His love into so that the brokenness can mend.”

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Totally relate. I’ve spent a ton of money on all kinds of self help books. Used to be my favorite section in the bookstore. But no matter how many I read, I’d embrace the “advice” for a while and think I’d finally found the key to life, but it always wore off and I knew deep down there was still something missing. Yes, crying out to God is the real answer…the key that fills that hole no best seller could ever fill. Thank you! Love your blogs!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I agree about the self help books, real help and victory comes from God through His Son Jesus Christ. Nobody knows the wounds we carry deep inside, but Jesus knows. He was there when we were born, He was there when we took our first steps, He was there at the root and origin of all our problems. JC is the only one that knows what we’re going through and the only one that can heal it. May the peace of Jesus fall afresh on you and your readers. from http://www.fatherrgodlovesyou.com

    Liked by 2 people

  31. You can paint such beautiful word pictures. Thanks for this post. So often we turn to so many people and things before looking to the One who really can help us since He created us and has known us since before the foundation of the world. Blessings to you today, my dear blogging friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I loved this post. So true that we can only do so much on our own. I’m so glad I found your blog. You always have such cute visuals to go with what you are trying to say. Oh, I agree, down with ebooks!! Something about holding an actual book in your hand, now that’s perfection!

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    1. Thank you so much! I’m glad it resonated with you. And yes! Physical books are great-you can cozy up with them, unlike an ereader! Plus highlighting and taking notes and doodling in the margins! Haha Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  33. as a self help expert who has been doing it for 30 years, I can tell you: no one can teach or help anyone else… It ones decision that can make a difference, not a book or a coach. I can give you step by step instruction how to achieve anything you wish, but you the one who have to take action and not no one there to hold your hand along the way.
    I do like your post a lot, and your opinion is being supported by your followers and thats the reason for posts in the first place.
    Wish you Love, Health and Wealth
    Alex Moses

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    1. Hi Alex, thank you so much for sharing this great perspective. You’re so right-we have to want to change our lives. You can lead a horse to water…:) thanks so much for stopping by. Hope you have a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  35. Wow. .. Your heart in this is amazing! I am absolutely amazed at your confidence and clarity! The love you have for Christ is incredible and seeing you as victorious in a battle I am working with Christ to fight is truly encoureaging! God bless you!

    Like

  36. I used to feel that way about self help books until I realized that it is both a mature and humbling thing to seek growth outside of yourself. It’s like being a flower in a pot and saying you will continue to do just fine with the soil you have…but then you see that other flower seeking out fertilizer and realize you can seek out more and customize it to what you need.

    I agree that there are some pretty crazy or overrated topics and titles in self help aisles, so don’t get me wrong. But wanting to seek personal growth through other sources is fantastic when done with mindfulness.

    I also agree that God is numero uno. He’s the source. But there are some awesome titles out there, especially in the Catholic/Christian genre, that are changing lives.

    New York sounds like a fun place to live!

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    1. Hi friend! What a beautiful image with the flower. There’s a lot of truth in that. And you’re right, once you soft through the “gimicky” titles, there really is a lot of good stuff out there. Powerful stuff that points to the truth. But amen-God is numero uno. So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  37. I look forward to sharing your blog as you’ve done a beautiful job of articulating the very message I need to share. I believe “hearing” it in this format will come across better than directly from me. Thank you for sharing the way you do; your blogs are so insightful and inspirational.

    Like

  38. I LOVE this post. Confession – sometimes (usually) when I read your posts, I get SO EXCITED that I can’t even make myself go over every word, because I just want to suck the whole thing in and know what it all says all at ONCE! So I start reading, and as I get more and more excited, I scroll faster and faster, until I’m at the bottom, and then I have to go back and put all the pieces together.

    Story. Of. My. Life. All of it. I am SO EAGER to make progress in my recovery that I can’t find the patience to just sit still and BE. Period. (.) Somehow, I still find myself falling into this trapped way of thinking that *I* hold the keys to my recovery, and that I will achieve and attain wisdom and knowledge and grow in understanding and faith through diligent application and hard work. Somewhere along my path, I lost track of Proverbs 2:6 and Sirach 1:1. It all comes from God. It is by HIS grace that I am where I am, and every good thing that I know and every good part of me is from HIS blessing. Yes, I put in the effort, but through patient cooperation with the Holy Spirit, not through dictating my own course, or through studying and reading, and certainly not through checking off the boxes on my lists of what is “guaranteed” to secure my recovery and health. Oh, goodness, I SO needed your reminder today. ❤

    How many times did I hear people repeat that sort of trite and kind of cheesy little saying, "let go and let God." I never understood it at all. I never really understood what "letting go" meant until I DID it (started to, at least). There was no self-help book that led me there, but I did find help in books. The book that made the biggest impact for me, that opened my eyes to the reality of God's love for me, was a book about Catholicism by Robert Barron that very plainly and simply laid out the basics of the faith, who God is, why he loves us, what it means to be saved. When I was in treatment, I read C.S. Lewis and "The Gifts of Imperfection." I continue to love books about psychology, philosophy, and theology, but I need to keep in mind that these writings themselves are not the answers. They are good, but they are not THE good. They point me in the direction of the greatest good and the deepest truth. Thank you, thank you! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. xoxoxo

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    1. Hi Lulu! Oh gosh, that made me smile hearing you describe how you read my posts:) thanks for that little nugget of cheer today! And oh my gosh – i love how you put that: they are good, but they are not THE good. So so true. There are a lot of books out there that do have some great advice and positivity and insight, but at the end of the day, God is the ultimate source for our healing. Amen to that. Thanks for the kindness and the prayers friend. Know that you are in mine too! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  39. I really related to your post so much. I too, have an aversion to “gurus”…especially how they seem to lead to a cult of personality/celebrity (particularly in our culture). I’ve been able to make my peace here and just say a gentle “no-thank you” by remembering that Our Father is all the Divine Intervention and Inspiration that I need. And that The Bible is still the best “self-help book” ever written; one that has stood the test of much time. I’m very glad and grateful to know that no one, least and most of all me, know better than He does. If I’m ever in doubt, I just review the Highlight Reel of all the things I’ve said and done in my life, left to my own devices…..Blessings and thank you, Pearl.

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  40. Reblogged this on gdhayesblog and commented:
    I believe this blogger makes an excellent point. I have found it to be true in my life. While I do find many self-help books to be helpful in my quest to: better understand my spouse, reduce clutter and organize my house (and my mind), and gain insight on how life experiences factor into the person I am today, I have also come to recognize they have limitations, and if one is not careful in their selection, some “self-help” books can serve not only to not be helpful but can in fact be detrimental. Please take time to read the following excellent blog.

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  41. Good read! It saddens me to see how much of Christian literature has turned into self-help. If we could help ourselves, there would be no need for Jesus! I think we sometimes forget that the true key to change is heart change, and only Jesus can do that.

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  42. Love it! I have read a lot of self help books and really they are all the same and the only thing that really helps is God and my bible.

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  43. “…for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
    (Matthew 6:8b ESV) But, He still WANTS us to ask… 🙂 Great post…

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  44. Only one can: only God…Amen

    Great post. pray for this country(US) that is so immersed in self help, hummanism, and deceit. On the streets of Baltimore so many have become hopeless in seeking help within themselves, OUR Help comes the LORD, thank God for that, and thank God we have a hope that can truly set us free…FOREVER!

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  49. Love this! Personally, I read self help books and articles but I always seek His guidance and wisdom. Although I have read somewhere, “You cannot save the damsel if she loves her distress”, maybe the term “self help” is just to catch one’s attention that there is still hope, and for you to be saved, you must initiate in helping yourself first before others will be able to help you.:)

    By the way, I would like to applaud you for being able to go through that storm and came up stronger. The world would have been a poorer place otherwise. 🙂

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    1. Hi friend! Wow thank you for such kind words. Truly, I am touched:) and I love that saying about the damsel! So so true. I think you may be onto something there about an attention grabber. You’re right-there are good reads out there. But ultimately one Healer. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  50. Love this post!!!! I have read some good self help books, “The Happiness Project”, was awesome. But it was a fun book on some tips to organize your life. I agree that someone greater is there and to embrace that is going to fulfill you.

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